The Unwritten Rules of the Art Gallery

by Alonso del Arte

The following rules have remained unwritten for many decades, because for the most part artists,
gallery staffs and patrons obey them naturally. But, with one exception, I have witnessed a violation of
every single one of these unwritten rules at one art gallery or another, sometimes just once, sometimes
repeatedly. Hence I am writing them down.
. The curator does not include his own wor! in the show, except with very good
reason in the context of a group show.
". Any living persons depicted in the artwor! are invited to the opening reception.
#. $heese and wine %red and white, from an uncor!ed or uncapped bottle, not a box,
chilled as needed& are served at the opening reception.
'. The donation or tip jar is mar!ed plainly and simply as such, and optionally with a
suggested donation amount but nothing further.
(. Artwor! that is not for sale is clearly mar!ed as such.
). *atrons wishing to ac+uire artwor! that is available for free will still run it by
someone on the gallery staff so that the gallery,s records can promptly be updated
accordingly.
-. .mall red dots are placed in the vicinity of sold or ac+uired artwor! as soon as
practically possible.
/. All the gallery staff slated to wor! during the current exhibit have a good basic
!nowledge of each artist and each piece in the current exhibit.
Commentary on the rules
. This one has been almost completely inverted to the point that people automatically expect the
curator to include at least one of his own pieces in the show. 0ne possible good reason for the
curator to include his wor! in the show is when the theme of the show re+uires collaboration
and one of the artists would have to be excluded if the curator did not step in. Another good
reason is when the curator,s wor! illuminates or in some direct way adds to the wor! of another
artist in the show.
". They may decline, but they must be given a legitimate opportunity to accept the invitation. This
applies the same whether the person is someone 1important,2 li!e the *resident of the 3nited
.tates, or someone 1ordinary,2 li!e a homeless man. 0f course everyone will understand if the
*resident does not show up to your art opening. But if the homeless man in your blac! and
white photograph doesn,t show up, would people be justified in thin!ing you,re an opportunistic
hypocrite4
#. 5otice that this does not re+uire the same old boring combination of 6erlot and $hardonnay
every time, nor does it exclude, when appropriate, the inclusion of pin! wines, or of li+uor or of
beer. 6albec and 6oscato, 7ambrusco and *inot 8rigio are but two possible alternatives to
6erlot and $hardonnay. A few patrons will be extremely discriminating, and a few will just
want to get drun!, but the majority will appreciate there being something offered other than the
same usual suspects.
'. This means just 1donations2 or 1tips2 and maybe something li!e 1.uggested donation9 :(.2 5ot
some lengthy paragraph explaining that the artists have wor!ed very hard on the show and that
drin!s are expensive. The former should be obvious from the wor! on the walls, the latter from
the bottles on the refreshments table.
(. To my !nowledge, this is the only one of these rules I have never witnessed a violation of.
). ;hen an artist sets a confusing price on his artwor!, it invites a violation of this unwritten rule,
and worse, it could unwittingly cause theft. A confusing price is something li!e 1:,<<< or free
if you grab it and run out of the gallery li!e a madman.2 The patron could grab the wrong piece
and thus unwittingly commit theft.
-. Any color other than red is bound to cause confusion. Any si=e larger than the bare minimum to
be clearly visible is needlessly gaudy.
/. This one is to avoid a horrendously idiotic mista!e from happening, such as for example, a
racist gallery assistant turning away one of the artists in the current exhibit during gallery hours.
3nfortunately, this has actually happened. It is of course wrong to racially screen what precious
few people come to an art gallery during gallery hours, but it adds insult to injury when that
person happens to be one of the artists in the current exhibit. The way some galleries avoid this
is by only exhibiting white artists. But a better solution is to educate all the gallery assistants in
the fact that non>white artists do in fact exist, and they create art of great merit.