Issue 3

Editor : Claire Worgan

Editor-In-Chief : Elizabeth Simos
Produced in USSU Media Hub,
University of Surrey,
Guildford
Est. 2008

FREE
SERIOUS ASSAULT
ON CAMPUS
By Elizabeth Simos
Students’ Union President

P olice have arrested a 23-year-old Surrey student on

suspicion of rape, following an incident on the University of
Surrey campus during the early hours of Saturday morning.
The offence took place at about 4:45am, when the female
victim, who was also a student, was approached by a man who
engaged her in conversation. He then pulled her into a wooded
area where the assault took place.
Police conducted a thorough search of the area early on Saturday
morning and seized CCTV from nearby buildings, including the
Union. The arrested man is currently in custody at Guildford Police
Station and will be interviewed by detectives. Specially trained
officers are providing support to the victim.
In light of this incident, the Union is calling for immediate action
Detective Inspector Theresa Breen said: “Although we have made from the University and the University Security Office in order to
an early arrest, information from the public – particularly students ensure that our students’ safety is uncompromised. We want to
who walked home through the campus – could still be valuable in see improved lighting on campus and the increased presence of
helping us to piece together exactly what happened.” campus security.
“Sexual offences are incredibly rare in this part of Guildford – as Given our – so far- excellent working relationship, we are certain
they are across Surrey – however it is understandable that some that these requests will be heard and action will be taken. We do
people may be anxious following this incident. We already work recognise the continued dedication of the aforementioned parties
closely with the University to help keep students safe and officers in upholding students’ safety.
from the Safer Neighbourhood Team are on campus to speak to
those who are worried. Personal safety advice is also available on
the Surrey Police website.” Continued on Page 4...

SKI TRIP SHOCKER

By Claire Worgan club, caused a number of complaints for fellow said to be acting out various acts as well as
holiday makers at the same resort as Surrey’s other sexual positions with other club mem-

A t the beginning of the New Year, one of skiers.

the most popular sports clubs at Surrey, A particular event called “The Valley Rally” is
the Ski and Snowboarding club, travelled to a set of challenges where the key to winning in-
bers, some taking it too far by committing the
acts in front of holiday-makers enjoying their
holiday with their young families. One such
Mayrhofen in Austria for their second Ski trip for volves doing the most extreme things possible. performance in particular was “mooning” the
this academic year. However, what took place It has reached the campus rumour mill that diners for a group photo.
on the trip has sent scandal flying throughout what took place at this rally was a particular
the University. One particular event, arranged number of “sex acts”, causing the controversy Continued on Page 5..
by the company who organises the trip for the in question. Some members of the team were

Issue 3 |28th January 2009 | www.ussu.co.uk/thestag 1

 Worgan’s Words Surrey
Hello, I do hope you all had a wonderful
Christmas wherever in the world you were and
however you spent it ! The holidays are over
celebrates the
now though and back to work. Luckily there are
no exams this January for Surrey students, year of the Ox
unlike most other universites (muhahahaha! )
By Claire Worgan Chinese New Year
However, for some it will be their final part of celebrations are traditionally
their years here at Surrey and for most that
just means a little less partying and bit more A s most of you may be
aware it is that time of
Year to begin celebrations
marked by visits to family
and friends bearing gifts and
work! I’m sure this year is set to bring us lots wishes. Children traditionally
for Chinese New Year, which receive Red Packets from
of dramatic stories and features for us here starts this year on the 26th the elders of the family. The
at The Stag to report to you ! (She hopes!) but January. colour red is very important
please don’t forget that we are looking for any budding journalists out in the celebrations and is
Chinese New Year for
used in many decorations,
there who have a story they want to tell and anything else that might Surrey Uni is one of the
usually accompanied by the
take your fancy! Tell the world your thoughts! biggest events of the year. On
colour gold. The celebrations
Saturday the 24th January,
I look forward to reading all your submissions and I hope you continue to Surrey celebrated the
are centred on the arrival of
enjoy reading The STAG! Oh and Happy New Year by the way ! luck and prosperity for the
festival with a big celebration
New Year.

Claire
in the Students’ Union
including performances
including acrobatics and
Lion Dancers from Woking
A few traditions that are
said to bring good luck to
individuals for the New Year

-x-
Chinese Association, as well
as telling party goers to get
their chopsticks at the ready
and offering celebrators
a taste of the traditional
cuisine.
This year is the year of the
Ox, which was last celebrated
in 1996. For people born
Editor| Claire Worgan: ussu.thestag@surrey.ac.uk between February 20 1985
News| Amy Short & Steven Hayton: newsdeskstag@gmail.com and February 08 1986 this is
your year! The Ox is seen to
Features| Kim Harris : featuresdeskstag@gmail.com symbolize the characteristics
Societies| Justin Waite & Mariam Nasir : societiesdeskstag@gmail.com of dependability, calm,
Sports: sportsdeskstag@gmail.com hardwork and ambition.
However, it is also said to
Music| Rachael Fitz-Patrick : musicdeskstag@gmail.com demonstrate stubborness,
Literature| Amy Barnes :literaturedeskstag@gmail.com narrow-mindedness,
Film| Ollie Sim: filmdeskstag@gmail.com headiness, rigidity and
Science| Toby Shannon : sciencedeskstag@gmail.com demanding traits!
Marketing| Amy Campbell :marketingdeskstag@gmail.com
Copy Editors | Joe Kenward & Stephanie Davies
include…
Opening windows and
doors to bring in good luck,
switching on lights at night,
which is often seen to be
scaring away ghosts and
spirits of ‘misfortune’, and
some believe that wearing a
new pair of slippers bought
before the new year is seen
to trample on anyone who
may gossip behind your
back. Bad luck however,
could be brought about by
swearing, offering anything
in fours and wearing black
and white. So aim to avoid
these to make sure you
yourself have prosperity and
luck for the New Year it may
come in handy with those
dissertations !

The Stag is an editorially indepedent newspaper and is

published by the University of Surrey
Students’ Union Media Hub.
The views expressed in the paper are those of individual
authors and do not necessarily represent the views of
the editor or her team, the Student’s Union or the Uni-
versity of Surrey.

Printed by Surrey and Berkshire Media Limited

Stoke Mill House, Woking Road, Guildford, Surrey GU1
1QA

The Stag reserves the right to edit submissions. Please

2 direct all enquiries to the relevant section editors.
 Earth Hour Multi-Faith Centre at the
2009 University of Surrey
heart of the building is the planned kosher/

On Saturday 28 March 2009 at 8.30pm, people, P lanning permission has been approved and
the fundraising for this exciting project is
underway. But what exactly is the Multi-Faith
halal vegetarian cafe, with a large gathering
space for interfaith activities and dialogue,
businesses and iconic buildings around the world while the prayer rooms all lead off a central
will switch off their lights for an hour – WWF’s Centre? The Multi-Faith Centre is a building area on the top floor.
Earth Hour. that will contain dedicated space for Christian,
Jewish, Muslim and Sikh communities, Jack Symons (VP Societies and Individual
Earth Hour 2009 aims to reach more than one together with open space for the practices of Development): “The existing Quiet Centre is
billion people in 1000 cities around the world. Buddhist and Hindu traditions. If all goes to just not big enough to accommodate everyone.
plan, the University of Surrey will be home to A bigger building is therefore needed. The
Communities, businesses and governments will the first building in Britain to have a chapel, Multi-Faith Centre will be a great asset to
switch off their lights for one hour and send a mosque, synagogue and gurdwara all under the University of Surrey and will put us at the
powerful global message that we care enough one roof. forefront of inter-faith development.”
about climate change to take action.
The centre will be open to students of all faiths The Centre will cost £6m and will be financed
Campaigning for a global deal and those with none. The aim is to provide both by a fundraising appeal with completion due
distinctive spaces for each of the faiths whilst in 2010.
This inspiring event will kick-start WWF’s global
encouraging students with different beliefs to
deal campaign to convince governments across If the multi-faith centre happens, it will
interact with another.
the world to agree to take effective action to be amazing, but it requires the support of
tackle climate change, when they meet at the The project itself has involved hundreds students. This is certainly something to
UN climate summit in Copenhagen, in December of students, staff and members of local embrace.
2009. This is their last chance to get it right, so communities who have thrown themselves
we need to make sure they know that we care. willingly, and in the case of the students,
selflessly, in the project (they will have long
Why WWF cares
graduated by the time the centre opens).
Climate change is one of the most serious The project has won the backing of both the
threats facing the planet, and demands urgent Archbishop of Canterbury and the Chief Rabbi,
global action. Unless we prevent average global who were briefed on site last year, local school
temperatures rising more than 2°C above pre- teachers (who see it as a fantastic resource),
industrial levels, we face a high risk of severe local communities and politicians. Needless
and irreversible changes in the planet’s natural to say, the project also has the backing of the
systems, which will be devastating for people University of Surrey Students’ Union.
and nature.
The design of the building will emphasise
How you can help respect for difference and create the possibility
of bridge-building and dialogue across cultural
Sign up, switch off and spread the word. and religious divides. At the

By Amy Short
The Big Guildford Freeze Misery
E xceptionally cold weather during the first week of January led
to twenty-two students being flooded out of five private sector
houses.
several weeks and several thousand pounds to put right.Twenty-two
Surrey students have had their accommodation badly damaged by
water. Fortunately, the Accommodation Office has been able to offer
all those affected temporary housing until they can move back or make
In early January, Guildford was one of the coldest spots in an already other arrangements with their landlords. This might involve finding new
freezing Britain, with temperatures as low as -10. This led to frozen private sector places or continuing in University accommodation.
pipes in student houses that were empty and insufficiently heated for
the Christmas vacation. Accommodation Manager Martin Cliburn said that freezing weather
may return this winter and burst pipes are always a risk in houses where
In one case, an anxious neighbour phoned the University to report heating may not be left switched on. Students are strongly advised to
water flooding from under the front door of an empty student house in leave heating on when houses are empty for weekends or vacations
Park Barn. When Accommodation Manager Martin Cliburn arrived at during the winter and through to March.
the house, the water was coming out of upstairs windows and running
down the walls. Inside ceilings had fallen down and belongings were Ask at the Accommodation Office if you need any help and advice about
soaked. The damage resulted from a burst pipe in the roof and will this.
take
3
Surrey does the Mongol Rally! Continued from front page.....
D o you have a thrill for adventure? Do you feel the call of the
open road? Well, the Students Union is putting on the first Uni-
versity of Surrey Charity Rally!
We plan to drive from Surrey 5000miles through 10 countries to
our destination at Ulan Bataar, Mongolia all in the name of charity!
We’re supporting “Save the Children” and “SOS Children Villages”.
We plan to raise in the region of £15,000.
We’re taking 10 vehicles ranging from 4 by 4s to minibuses to am-
bulances and fire engines! At our destination, we have organised a
charity auction and then our vehicles will donated to the Mongolian
people to help develop their countries infra-structure.
If you want to know more/get
involved please contact:
Surreycharityrallies@hotmail.co.uk
or pop into the students union and
talk to TOF.
FRESHERS FAYRE UNDER THREAT- Will there be one
next year? The Union says YES.
By Your Students’ Union WE WILL NOT BACK DOWN.
D o you remember being a fresher and attending Freshers Fayre on that
legendary Wednesday afternoon? Do you remember signing up to
the clubs and societies you now belong to and can’t imagine University
without? Do you remember meeting new friends and having a burger and
ice cream amongst students playing Frisbee and sports clubs showcasing
their talents on the grass? Do you remember as a returning student coming
to the Fayre and manning stalls and showing the ways of Surrey University
to new students? I hope you do - for all this is under threat of becoming
little more than a fleeting memory of better University days.
Recent meetings between the Union Sabbatical officers and representatives
from the University have served to cause grave concern as to the future of
the biggest and most loved by students’ event.
Freshers Fayre has always taken place on the first Wednesday of the first
week of first years’ arrival. It is the first event which welcomes new and
returning students to the heart of student life at Surrey. With the help of
the Union, returning students set up stalls of their representative clubs
and societies and sign students up, tell them about University, give out
freebies and contribute to a fantastic day of celebrating student life. It is
the mid week break all students have learnt to love. It sets the tone for the
rest of the year- as we all know Wednesdays are free
If you have any comments about any of our news stories, then please contact
4 newsdeskstag@gmail.com
Professor Christopher Snowden,
Vice Chancellor and Chief Executive
environment for students and the
Surrey campus rates as one of the
at the University of Surrey praised safest in the country. Our strong
the collaboration between Surrey relationship with Surrey Police will
Police and University staff: help us ensure that we maintain
a safe environment for students
“The safety of the student both on and off campus”.
community in Guildford is a
matter that Surrey Police and In the mean time, the Union
the University work in constant will do all that it can to support
partnership to maintain. The swift its students. During the week we
action taken by the University will be providing students with
Security team in assisting Surrey personal safety alarms and self
Police to gather information and defence workshops. Our offices
utilise our secure CCTV network (located on Stag Hill) will always
has allowed for early identification be open to all students.
leading directly to an arrest.”
Anyone with information regarding
“We will be continuing to work the incident is urged to call
with Surrey Police in offering direct Surrey Police on 0845 125 2222
support to the victim and the or the Crimestoppers charity
University’s Student Care Services anonymously on 0800 555 111.
are available for any student who University Security can be
may feel affected by the nature contacted on 01483 682002 or
of this incident. The University in an emergency dial 3333.
are committed to providing a safe
of teaching to allow students to undertake sport and extracurricular
activities throughout your degree.
With the academic year change pushing fresher’s week back, the PATS
field cannot be used for a marquee structure due to weather and ground
conditions. The best alternative is all in one use of AP, a marquee structure
on the Piazza and use of the adjacent field. The pressure is on the Union
to either agree to compromise resources, volunteer students involved in
the whole of freshers week, staff, clubs and societies and equipment by
changing the Fayre to the end of the week due to the ‘impracticality in
terms of timetabling’ or not have a fayre at all due to the limited options.
One student volunteer says ‘This year I was actively involved in Freshers
week. I did it because I remember being a Fresher and feeling grateful for
all the help I got and the fun I had. I helped out with Moving in day Sunday,
manned freshers’ information stalls throughout the week, I helped set up
freshers fayre on Wednesday and then worked as bar staff on the biggest
Union night of the year on the Friday. I can’t see how freshers fayre on a
Friday would work. ‘
If you too feel that our Freshers Fayre should remain on Wednesday
afternoon join the facebook group we’ve created just as this is going to
print. You’ll be receiving an invitation to join our campaign soon if you
haven’t already.
 Dear The Stag,

University helps identity theft!

Post Bag
We will aim to get replies to any letters
we recieve as soon as possible!
In a world where someone’s identity is relatively easy to clone I’m glad
to see the university taking the utmost in the destruction of confidential
If you have a complaint or just want to
documents. They have a contract with a professional shredding company
witter on then why not write to us!
that is paid to destroy documents of a sensitive nature. All very well you
might think. Any personal data that may be used fraudulently is gone.
ussu.thestag@surrey.ac.uk
The flaw however is the fact that bags and bags filled with sensitive docu-
ments were left in the 3rd floor of the business management school on
WE LOVE POST!
the last three days of term last year. About eight to ten bags unsecured
and unguarded were just left. Yes we can and did have a look in them. We
found a few portfolios of people’s university history in these bags. They
were unmarked and easily stolen for unscrupulous means. We have better The Next Deadline......
morals for that, but what about the next person?
My question is why is why the University throwing money away to com- If you want to submit an
panies that destroys documents when the flaw is still present. People can article to us then please make
get these documents. If they need to be destroyed, why not have shred-
ding facilities on campus? It surely must be cheaper in the long run? sure we have it by
My question to whoever is responsible for this is: Why did it happen? Why Monday Feburary 2nd
is the data protection ignored? And what will be done to rectify this?
to ensure it goes into the paper
Concerned in Cath Court on time!

Continued from front page...

Unfortunately for the club, their ac-
tivities did not go unnoticed, much
to the supposed “ignorance” of the
members involved. One holiday mak-
er was dining at a restaurant with
two small children opposite where
the Rally took place. The scenes of
sexual display offended the holiday
The severity of action to be taken,
however, is not yet known by The
SURREY GETS
JUICY!!
Stag.
Nonetheless, this brings to light an-
other question. Events like this obvi- By Toby Shannon
ously reflect badly on the University The triumphant return of... Citrus!
itself. With ski trips known for their

maker and an argument was said to
ensue between the club members,
organisers and the holidaymaker in
question. Unfortunately, various ac-
counts of what actually happened
differ and whether or not the club
members did in fact provoke the ar-
gument further by telling the holiday-
maker to “f*** off”. What is clear is
that that the events took place in
front of small children, and this did
not go down well with fellow diners,
and some members of the ski club.
Emotions ran high between every-
one involved once the realisation of
who was affected by the acts came
to light. The Stag has found that
the various complaints were made
against the club members and dis-
ciplinary action is due to take place.
F
raucous behaviour, is it any won- ollowing huge student-body demand, Citrus returns to the
der that students are getting a bad hallowed halls of Rubix for another semester! Your favourite
name? Just like other sports clubs mix of choons in a lively midweek setting is back!
at Surrey, the antics that have hap- Following its sporty re-brand of “Score” at the start of the year,
pened over this year alone, often thewhich was felt by many as a night which exlcluded non sports
talk of the campus, raise the ques- enthusiasts, it was felt that it was time that Citrus returned with
tion of whether or not the people in-a bang. With a packed-out night featuring none other than S-
volved think about the consequenc- Club 3! Rubix was completely sold out (massive queues even at
es of their actions to fellow students
12.30!) but you’ve got plenty more to look forward to with a regu-
and the reputation of the Uni itself.lar timetable of cheesey acts, great drink deals and our very own
DJ Leroy!
Fun is a huge part of the University So this spring, get your weekly dosage of vitamin C with a fresh
experience but how much is too squeeze of Citrus! Whilst there ain’t no party quite like an S Club
much? party, you can always rely on the union for a fun night out. Maybe
it is also a sign that we just cannot handle change?.....
Tell us what you think. Please email Comin’ up at ya next is none other than... Cleopatra! (That’s
us at ussu.thestag@surrey.ac.uk right, they’re comin’ at ya.)
For more pictures from Wednesday night see page 8 plus and
5
 PLANNER 2009
UNION SHOP

OPENING TIMES
MONDAY TO FRIDAY
stick
10.00AM TILL 6.00PM

your k !!
The Union Shop now stocks over 200

!
International food and drink products
from around the world as well as many
lunchtime sandwichs and meal deals
is ba c bix fro
m 10p
m till
n e
2am
s
R u T u
esday
s in eesy
Pop in and taste the Wedn r o m os Ch Tickets
P ce
Drink p Advan

Grapevine
exotic on campus.
Chea

aChancellors
C
h
n elors
c
r
Opening Times

C K n n e
Monday to Friday | 08.00am – 11.00pm

l a
Saturday | 10.00am – Midnight

A P
Sunday | 11.00am – 11.00pm

e
ents
(Subject to change)

Food Serving Times

’ S B
Monday to Friday | 08.00am – 8.00pm

r a p e v i n
b a g )
ITplanner G e
Saturday | 10.00am – 7.30pm

s t h
Sunday | 11.00am – 7.30pm

?
t
(Subject to change)

n i n
Tuesday 20th of January and every fortnight in Channies

e (
Come and test your brain power at our Quiz Nights from 9 - 11PM

E E v y r e
F R E s F a
o ur h e r
s
Just £1 per team member

up y e f r e
ck
Pi at the
. R
HERE
Unifruit The best fruit and veg on Campus .

Sold every Thursday in the Students’ Union .

. .
9�3Oam to 5�3Opm
planner
Grapevine
cover

6 planner.indd 1 20/01/2009 17:21:41

 Ways to Completely Waste Your Holiday from the university, in at 9am. Every Friday night at 7pm Andy Vale has
Sponsored by 1350am GU2
There are many. I got a wok for Christmas that made me pretend I his live sessions with artists from the local area, London and wherever
was cooking healthily. Jeremy Kyle made a monstrous effort to keep else they choose to come from (Canada, Bath, Essex….). The calendar
me smug in my middle class-ness as he kidnapped me from late is almost full with artists, so if you want to be considered contact either
mornings to early afternoons. I even went to Woolworths more times of them at music@gu2.co.uk. Here are some early picks for you to look
in a week than I had in all my years previous. It was great in there, I forward to:
bulk bought batteries and emptied the shop of anything a human being
could possibly want to own. Walking round in there was like driving very January 30th Anna Phoebe – One of the worlds best violinists at the
slowly past a monstrous 13 car pile-up. moment. Her style ranges from Metal to Classical via many intriguing
paths. She has recently finished a tour of the US with Trans Siberian
The crown jewel in this steaming turd of procrastination has to be Orchestra as their solo violinist, playing to over 20 000 people every
messing around in a radio studio. I’d love to tell you what we’ve been night and even played with Aerosmith’s Steve Tyler. In case my review
up to since I last wrote to you, however most of us have been away so doesn’t make it into the paper, her new album is the balls.
I’ll just tell you the bare details I know. Some of our tech dudes came in, February 6th Love.Stop.Repeat – This haunting two-piece features
took everything apart and put it all back together again. More in-depth long-time GU2 favourite Lindsay West, who is joined by David Millar
details can be found from someone who has a clue. I scrambled past on all manner of instruments. NME recently gave their album a 7/10
them and found enough time to make a podcast featuring some great saying “Singer Lindsay West’s honeydew pipes evoke a young Joni
local artists singing songs, which they wrote on air in five minutes for Mitchell. She’s little short of a revelation, and the principle reason why
no reason other than my own gratification. I’m sure it can be found at Love.Stop.Repeat would be ‘09’s most deserving of ‘doing a Marling’.”
http://podcast.gu2.co.uk. I also found out that it takes more bubble-
wrap than you’d expect to cover your modesty. Don’t ask. More information can be found at www.myspace.com/andyvaleradio
Those were probably the highlights of GU2 over the holidays. Hardly To listen to the station, go to www.gu2.co.uk or tune into 1350am.
riveting stuff, but it was all necessary so that GU2 can be an exciting, If you would like to get involved, email Manager@gu2.co.uk
loving and efficient place during term-time (except the bubble wrap,
there was no need.) So let’s look ahead. Once again we’ll be providing
music from the main stage at Refreshers’ Fayre, come find us and say
hello if you want to get involved. Next, we’ll be having a Refreshers’
meeting on Thursday 31st in Wates House at 6:15. Some sort of pub-
crawl to help introduce you to the rest of our members will inevitably
follow this. There are still spots open in presenting, marketing and
technical. Our music team could always do with a few more people
too.

As a station we have also gained a strong reputation for our support

of local, unsigned and upcoming talent. A big feature of this is our live
sessions. On Saturday mornings Tim Clark has a live guest, usually

The National Student Survey (NSS) is now live, and

we are appealing to all final years to fill it out at
www.thestudentsurvey.com. It doesn’t take long to
complete and you’ll be helping prospective students
to make the right choice for them about what they
want to study and where. Your opinions about your
time at Surrey really count, and will be used to help
improve the student experience for other students.

7
 CAMPUS
Were you caught throwing your pants
at S-Club 3 at Citrus last Wed by
resident photographer Adam Sayer?

BOY
Fear and Loathing on Campus
So I’ve struggled through the festive
period, on one occasion narrowly
avoiding performing charades in
front of the whole family by striking
up a conversation about Stilton with
another social outcast. New Year, To me, this is all curiously fascinating.
too, when I promised myself to look There are so many positives to take
at things in a more positive light. away from this! There is little that
lightens the heart more than seeing
Campus being the solemn, grey,
something as simple as a human trip
nose-to-the-grindstone kind of place
on a kerb. Especially if the creature
that it is over winter, I wasn’t being
in question chooses to mask it by
tested. So I took a trip to London for
breaking into a jog for 10 yards,
the day. This may surprise you, but
and then deciding that, yes, walking
I actually quite like London. I like it
was the most suitable method of
because although it’s busy, it’s a
travelling from A to B before the trip,
place where everybody hates each
and it shall remain so. But it lays
other, and minimal social interaction
the human bare- however much we
occurs. A utopia for misanthropes,
stroll around in our superior fashion,
if you will. It’s a cheap day out too,
presenting ourselves as intellectual
because who needs the zoo when you
beings, a trip reduces us to equals,
have a large collection of humans to
and highlights our vulnerabilities.
observe through the glass of coffee
shop windows? We’re all animals
really, and the streets of London are
prime territories for the most peculiar Perhaps the most curious behaviour
of species. was witnessed on the train home.
We were packed like bovines into
We flock like vultures, circling, and carriages. Standing in the aisle, a
then picking the decaying scraps woman, penned in on either side
from the credit crunch cadaver of by men, one of which, despite the
Woolworths. We hunt in packs for general consensus to choose the
the best January sales bargains, standing position, felt the need to
then fight like ferals at the tills. We squat, placing his head millimetres
speed gracelessly, like lumbering from the woman’s crotch. What
apes, to be first in line at fast food behaviour was this? Sniffing out a
joints, regardless of the fact that our mate? This wasn’t a ritual I’d seen
keepers will shovel this crap into our before. Perhaps it would work? I
faces all day so long as we pay. Some even began making mental notes for
males prefer to mark their territory by future flirting. The woman reacted
night, like dirty city foxes, by urinating to this by placing a hand over her
in alleys and the gardens of more genitals and edging away down the
threatening, civilised, creatures. aisle. I decided that, no, this wasn’t
And heck, some of us even choose going to work long term. It had me
to regurgitate our food at the end of creasing up inside though. This was
the evening, although it seems we great entertainment, positives galore
are yet to do this into the mouths of arising from this situation alone.
our offspring. I’m sure the time will Human kind laid bare for all to see…
come. and then, bam! The fear hit me, and
things just haven’t seemed so peachy
since.

8 Campus Boy
 What does your star sign say about
you?
Well, our Features Editor Kim Harris explains to us wether Leo’s are really feisty or wether or not Virgos are neat freaks...
Aries (20th March – 20th April)
Fire
Arians tend to be energetic and tend to
exert self confidence from every pore.
This is usually a clever front, however,
and Arians have the same insecurities
as everyone else. They are vain and
brave, and they take care over their
appearance. They are usually popular
and love to be the centre of attention.
They are honest and blunt, and tend
to speak before they think, meaning
many people find them offensive. They
are enthusiastic and courageous and
have a fondness for travel and excite-
ment. Sadly, this can lead to impulsive-
ness and selfishness. They are natural
leaders, and are adept at concentrat-
ing on a primary aim. They tend to be-
lieve their opinion is the correct one but
they are very skilled at organisation.
Their pride makes them especially de-
fensive of their spouses and children,
although they sometimes have difficul-
ty understanding the opposite sex. Ar-
ian women are more drawn to a career
than a home life. They are passionate,
and most often faithful. Arians fare
well in careers that support their need
for freedom, and that challenge them
intellectually. They make good police
officers, teachers, explorers, soldiers,
directors of companies, politicians, sur-
geons, scientists and editors.
Famous Arians
• Jeffery Archer
• Samuel Beckett
• Casanova
• Charlie Chaplin
• Vincent Van Gogh
• Eddy Murphy
• Elton John
Taurus (21st April- 20th May) elists and composers. They are also good
Earth carers and make good nurses, doctors and
housekeepers. In fact, they excel at most
Taureans are susceptible to laziness, due to practical and/or creative occupations.
their inherent liking for their leisure pursuits Famous Taureans:
and tendency to procrastinate. They are, • Salvador Dali
however ambitious, yet they are not happy • Tony Blair
to take risks due to their preference for rou- • Al Pacino
tine and incapacity to deal with change. • Karl Marx
They like to take their time and react badly • Florence Nightingale
to being rushed. Taureans also have diffi- • William Shakespeare
culty with handling their emotions, tending • Leonardo Da Vinci
to push them aside until they burst out. This • Charlotte Bronte
is why it is often difficult to anger a Tau- • Immanuel Kant
rus, however once they are pushed too far
they can be volatile. In romance, they are
intense, which can lead to them being jeal-
ous and possessive, but also makes them
passionate and skilled lovers. They demand
perfection from a partner and are impul-
sive in the choices they make in love, lead-
ing them to embark on relationships with
people who aren’t necessarily compatible.
Their strong imaginations make them likely
to become painters, musicians, poets, nov-

Gemini (21st May- 20th June) character and have good senses of hu- Cancer (21st June- 21st July) they are also devoted, hard working and
Air mour. However punctuality is a skill they Water pacifistic. Cancerians take love extremely
lack. They don’t like to talk about their seriously and tend to be very close to their
Geminis tend to be lively, versatile and feelings which can make them difficult Cancerians are extremely protective over mothers. They are faithful and loyal, and
intelligent. Their inconsistency, howev- partners. Their skills in money handling the people they care about. They tend to be good listeners. Their caring skills make
er, tends to make them unreliable. They and communication means they excel worriers, although their intuition is second them good nurses, doctors, teachers and
are restless and inquisitive, and are in careers in accounting, the media, to none, and their instincts and decisions nannies. However their intuition and care-
gossips. They love to know everything and advertising. They also make good are usually reliable. They can be stubborn ful approach to situations means they can
so they often dig for information. Their lawyers, writers, teachers, secretaries, and moody, and appear touchy. The truth turn their hands to almost any profession.
imaginations are exceptionally power- stockbrokers and surveyors. is that they are really very sensitive, even
ful, which can, on occasion, lead them Famous Geminis: if they pretend not to be. They are hesitant, Famous Cancerians:
to fabricate tales and stories and lead • Joan Collins yet romantic and dreamy. They do not take • Dalai Lama
information away from the facts. They • Bob Dylan well to criticism, but respond to compli- • Princess Diana
can also suffer from mood swings, going • Gabriel Fahrenheit ments and encouragement with extreme • George Orwell
from ecstatic to heartbroken in a mat- • Stan Laurel gratitude. Cancerians often have a strong • Ringo Starr
ter of minutes. They are witty and their • Naomi Campbell fear of old age and the future. This can lead • Mike Tyson
ability to take in knowledge is uncanny. • Mike Myers them to be miserly and selfish. They are of- • Giorgio Armani
The downside is that their attention ten wealthy; this is due to their ceaseless
spans are relatively short. Spontaneity hard work. Their memories are very adept,
is key for Geminis, they love change and and they are traditional and interested
get restless in routine. They are capa- in convention. They don’t like to discuss
ble of seeing most situations from both their personal lives. They can be insolent,
sides and have a certain skill for being moody, greedy and suspicious. However
unbiased. They are excellent judges of
Leo (22nd Jul- 22nd Aug) tion can lead them to appear ruthless in their attempts to fulfil their desires.
Fire They can be recklessly extravagant, and enjoy luxury. They can also appear self-
ish, boastful and arrogant. Leos make kind and considerate lovers, although
Qualities of Leos include generosity, creativity and pride. They may have a slight they can make the mistake of confusing pity and sympathy for love. Because of
tendency to believe that they are always correct; however they are also coura- their love for luxury and glamour, Leos often turn to acting, sport, bankers, jew-
geous, energetic and dignified. They make good leaders, are affectionate, warm, ellers and goldsmiths. Their knack for leadership makes them good managers,
and loyal. They can be impatient, and often overreact and go over the top. They soldiers, rulers and church dignitaries.
will suffer a great deal of provocation before being driven to anger. They are
blunt, direct, open and honest. They are not likely to sugar-coat a response to a Famous Leos:
question as they fell this dishonest and fake, something that Leos cannot abide. • Napoleon Bonaparte
They love to be the centre of attention and enjoy being flattered; their incessant
pride ensures they will not doubt your sincerity. Their strength of will and ambi-
•
•
Emily Bronte
Alfred Hitchcock 9
Virgo (23rd Aug- 21st Sept)
Earth
Virgos do not tend to make good lead-
ers, preferring the role of a worker. They
are conscientious and meticulous, and
it is fair to call them perfectionists. They
are shy, modest and practical. They can
be overly critical, of both themselves and
others, and some of them come across as
rather dull. They are also worriers. They do
not take criticism well and strongly believe
there is a time and a place for everything.
They are not fond of people who have
whimsical tendencies. They are calm, lev-
el-headed and practical. They can appear
selfish, as they rarely let emotions and
sentiment cloud their judgements of situ-
ations. Virgos can adapt their behaviour to
suit those around them. Once a Virgo sets
their mind to something they will stop at
nothing to attain it, sometimes leading to
hypocrisy and cunning. They like to inves-
tigate things for themselves, and are not
likened to “taking someone else’s word for
it”. They do not anger quickly, however they
Scorpio (22nd Oct- 21st November)
Water
Scorpions are determined, strong willed and
occasionally obsessive, awkward and arro-
gant. They commit easily, are very faithful,
and a little over the top and melodramatic
at times. They are very much ruled by their
emotions, so when their emotions are strong
their logic is weakest. They have incredibly
strong personalities, and are skilled in bend-
ing people to their will. They do not like to
lose at anything. They dislike false modesty
and so they are honest to the point where
they can be blunt and even come across as
rude. They are inquisitive and difficult to fool-
they are likely to be able to tell when they are
being lied to. They can be vain and self-satis-
fied, and they enjoy shocking people. They
are adept at concealing their emotions and
enjoy going against expectations and con-
ventions. They have good memories, and will
remember both the positive and negative
aspects of situations. They are hard working
and usually gifted with ambition. Their per-
sistence often ensures their ambitions are
do not readily forgive either. They are mod-
est, reserved and dislike working in teams.
They value their privacy and don’t often
talk about their own personal affairs, yet
they will discuss those of others. They are
precise, methodological and feel that or-
der is of the utmost importance. They are
extremely loyal to their loved ones, percep-
tive and considerate. Their skills in criti-
cism and analysis make them well suited
to professions in law and politics. They are
also suited to clerical work, medicine, edit-
ing, detective work, chemistry, engineering,
accounting, psychology and mechanics.
Famous Virgos:
• Agatha Christie
• Sean Connery
• Roald Dahl
• Michael Jackson
• Louis XIV
• Mother Theresa
• Twiggy
• Cameron Diaz
upheld. They also have an intense love of
nature which is difficult to control and often
leads them to unhappiness. They are suited
to success in the army and the navy. They
also excel in roles such as government of-
ficials, magistrates, secret service agents,
dentists, chemists, surgeons and photogra-
phers. Their attraction to danger often leads
them to the emergency services.
Famous Scorpions:
• Prince Charles
• John Cleese
• Marie Curie
• Claude Monet
• Pablo Picasso
• Hilary Clinton
• Bill Gates
Libra (20th Sept- 21st Oct)
Air
Librans are known for being very bal-
anced, although this makes them in-
decisive and reluctant to take sides.
However, this can work to their advan-
tage as it makes them adept at settling
arguments. They are easy going, quiet
but tough. They are sentimental, but do
not allow this to interfere with what they
feel is fair and just. They are tolerant,
broad minded and patient, but they are
always ready to stand up for someone
they feel has been wronged in any way.
They crave peace, harmony and happy
surroundings. They are gentle, courte-
ous, affectionate and unable to hold a
grudge. They are not resentful people
and are always happy to put a disagree-
ment behind them. They love change,
and dislike monotonous situations.
They can be stubborn, restless and irri-
tating, and they love to talk but are also
good listeners. Librans often try too
hard to impress others, and can sup-
press their own feelings to avoid con-
frontation. They are very intellectual,
Sagittarius (21st Nov- 21st Dec)
Fire
Sagittarians are friendly, enthusiastic
and unlikely to suffer with depression.
Their enthusiasm and wish to fulfil
all goals can lead them to take un-
necessary risks. They are intelligent
and versatile. They are frank, sincere
and optimistic. They are tolerant, sym-
pathetic and generous. They have a
strong sense of justice, make good lis-
teners and enjoy giving advice. How-
ever their desire to give advice can
lead to them being patronising. They
are extremely hard workers. They are
sociable and often popular but can in-
timidate people with their outspoken-
ness. Often they believe themselves
to be diplomatic and fail to notice
their bluntness can be offensive. They
hate deception and are always happy
to take on responsibilities. They are
exceptionally independent, versatile
and impulsive. They have strong intui-
tion and are usually very shrewd. They
although their love of an easy life can
lead them to settle for something less
than is achievable purely through their
inherent dislike of anything unpleasant.
They have strong imaginations, are intu-
itive and inventive. Their artistic nature
means they excel in careers in fashion,
literature and beauty. They also make
good musicians, writers, artists, florists,
health workers, psychologists and they
often find a talent for the law.
Famous Librans:
• John Lennon
• Oscar Wilde
• Horatio Nelson
• Luciano Pavarotti
• Anthony Hopkins
• Avril Lavigne
are active and sporty, and are espe-
cially drawn to extreme sports. They
are, however, prone to mood swings
and can be pretentious on
occasion. They are naturally drawn
to authoritarian positions, and thus
they are often successful in medicine,
counselling, the law, the Church, poli-
tics, missionaries, inspection and vet-
erinary surgery. They also make out-
standing musicians.
Famous Sagittarians:
• Woody Allen
• Ludwig van Beethoven
• Walt Disney
• Steven Spielberg
• George Eliot
• Jimi Hendrix

ers as stupid and superficial. They tend to be pessimistic and

Capricorn (21st Dec- 20th Jan) have an intense dislike for risk taking. They can be vindictive,
Earth jealous, suspicious and melancholy. They are difficult to anger,
but they bear grudges and find it difficult to forgive others. They
Capricorns are patient, practical, shy and strong willed. They are unlikely to be romantic. They excel in careers such as edit-
also can be miserly, hard and ambitious. They are persistent ing, acting, architecture, the theatre, plumbing, farming, politics
and refuse to take the easy option, preferring to work hard and and publishing.
reach their full potential. They are shrewd and calculating and Famous Capricorns:
often of a self- contained disposition. They are not fond of ex- • Martin Luther King
travagance, and are reserved and secretive. It is not within the • Annie Lenox
nature of a Capricorn to discuss their emotions. They are un- • Sir Isaac Newton
affected by flattery, and are not often seen to be surprised or • Elvis Presley
excited. They are, however, extremely knowledgeable and wise. • J. R. Tolkien
They are born leaders, and under the rule of someone else they • Richard Nixon
can become gloomy, morose, critical and rebellious. They ad- • Al Capone
mire competence and success in others, and this can lead to • Muhammad Ali
10 them being seen as snobbish, and Capricorns often view oth-
Aquarius (21st Jan- 19th Feb)
Air
Aquarians are independent, stubborn
and friendly. They can be unreliable, es-
pecially in difficult circumstances, and
are creative in their ideas. Their lack of
practicality often means that said ideas
are never properly executed. They are
idealistic, generous and dislike it when
others around them are distressed or
unfulfilled. Aquarians are also insight-
ful, intuitive, and highly logical, debat-
ing everything in their own minds before
reaching a permanent conclusion. They
are usually very popular, highly intel-
lectual and often attracted to science.
They are cautious, and sometimes dull,
although they can surprise their friends
with random shows of eccentricity. They
are usually restrained in their passions.
They enjoy freedom and dislike having
to heed to any kind of authority. They
are inventive and good with technical
objects. They are often unpredictable,
and more geniuses have been born un-
der this sign than any other. They are
loyal and unmoved by gossip, prefer-
ring to reach their own judgements of
people. They react badly to jealous and
possessiveness from their partners.
Their careers are often of a technical or
scientific nature, although they also ex-
cel in social work and any career which
is unusual and exciting, such as an in-
ventor, researcher or writer.
Famous Aquarians:
• Lord Byron
• James Dean
• Charles Darwin
• Christian Dior
• Wolfgang Mozart
• Virginia Woolf
• Lewis Carroll
• Ronald Reagan
Pisces (19th Feb- 19th March) and animals. Pisceans make very good
Water friends and sympathetic listeners. They also
find it hard to say no to others. They make
Pisceans are sensitive and have a very car- excellent teachers, members of the health
ing nature. They are impressionable and profession, carers, artists, musicians, poets,
sympathetic and their moods are extremely sailors, vets and foster parents.
dependant on their surroundings. Pisceans Famous Pisceans:
are successful when they are pushed for- • Michael Caine
ward with praise; however they are intuitive • Albert Einstein
and know when they are being lied to. They • Michelangelo
are incredibly self-sacrificing and consist- • Johnny Cash
ently put others’ needs before their own, • Dr. Seuss
particularly those of their families. They • Bruce Willis
are incredibly proficient at recognising the • Alexander Graham Bell
needs of others. They are unwilling in deci- • Rupert Murdoch
sion making, tactful but have a strong ten- • Kurt Cobain
dency to become too emotionally involved.
They sometimes lack confidence, which is
a shame as their imaginations are excep-
tionally powerful. They are romantic, kind-
hearted and emotional but often lack in will
power and are sensitive to the callous re-
marks of others. Their judgements are eas-
ily clouded, and they are easily bended to
another person’s will. They enjoy a quiet life,
and will endure necessary hardship without
complaint. They are usually fond of children

A Coffee With.........
Your Students’ Union President - Elizabeth Simos
Claire Worgan sits down for a chat about the New Year with Elizabeth
been elected onto National Council, it means that the voice of Surrey
students is heard and our Union remains independent with the added
So how are you enjoying your year as President? Is it living up to benefit of influence on a national level.
your expectations?
What do you aim to achieve in this next semester?
I have to say it’s been absolutely fantastic and has definitely exceeded my
expectations. It’s a privilege to be in a position to represent and supportMy main aim is to continue to represent students to the best of my ability.
students in this way. Though by far the most challenging experience I’ve In terms of plans within the Union we will be: undertaking a review of
had, it’s also been the most rewarding- even if I was gunged by Dave governance and the constitution, publishing the strategy, setting up a
Benson Phillips against my will! legal clinic to provide legal advice for students, pushing for the Landlord
Accreditation Scheme in Guildford, pushing for a safer campus in terms
I’m sure students would like to know a bit more about their of lighting, raising awareness on student debt, simplifying the process for
President. Tell us a bit about yourself. students to get involved in all Union activities, focusing on International
students’ events, creating opportunities for students to gain experience
Well, I was born in Bath but brought up in Athens, Greece. I went to an
and boost CV’s through volunteering.
International school there and then returned to the UK to do my law
degree at Surrey. I was an Academic Representative throughout my There is a lot of talk on the National Student Survey. Why?
degree and President of the Law Society in my final year. That’s when I
decided to run for Union President. It’s the one opportunity final year students get to express their views on
their experience at Surrey where it truly matters. It directly affects the
What do you think is the biggest issue facing students today? rating of the University. We managed to get one of the highest response
rates in the UK last year which was 80%. Hopefully we will beat that this
I’d say that there are two. On the one hand there is the ever increasing
year.
student debt and on the other the prospects of graduate employment.
Recent reports outline the potential difficulties students will be facing Anything you’d like to finish off with?
in the next few years, both in terms of the possibility of fees increasing
and the current economic climate making graduate employment a I’d just like to welcome all students back! And I hope that everyone has a
challenge. Its times like these which call for strong Union action in fantastic semester...Oh and if you have ideas on what the Union should
support of students. be doing or campaigns we could be running, get in touch! We love to
hear from you.
What is your position on the National Union of Students?
Thanks for your time Elizabeth
I believe in the strength of the student movement and I believe that the
collective effort of all Unions in the UK can lead to positive outcomes. I It’s been a pleasure Claire!
do however take an active stance against party politics dictating the work
of Unions, so as long as that is avoided I am content. Having recently 11
 ******** WARNING *******
THIS IS NOT NEWS!
MASSIVE TURD IN LOO Television personality Dr Gillian McKeith, who is not actually a real
doctor, said the unusually large deposit was probably caused by a low-
fibre diet. McKeith, who specialises in bulls***, advised the culprit
NOT MINE
By Pete Nattress
(whoever they are) to consume “vast quantities of Weetabix” to prevent
a reoccurrence of the unfortunate incident. Plumber Joe Pascvolic
added that for blockages of this size the best advice was to contact
An enormous poo found in a local toilet yesterday afternoon was an expert to conduct a controlled plunging. He warned that novice
certainly not mine. The specimen, which initially resisted all attempts attempts to remove such gargantuan bog-plops could easily result in
to remove it, was discovered by Guildford resident Katherine Jacobs at “a great deal of unpleasantness”.
3pm local time. Jacobs immediately advised everyone in the vicinity Whilst the perpetrator, who was not me, will probably never be
to avoid the toilet ‘at all costs’ whilst she went out to buy some extra found, Jacobs issued a stern warning to anyone considering a repeat
strength bleach. performance. “If you do this again there’ll be hell to pay,” she told
Jacobs described the enormous excrement as one of the most me, although it wasn’t me who caused it anyway. The disgusting
disgusting things she’d ever seen, adding, “and stop pretending it’s bum-discharge was eventually flushed on Thursday evening after a
not yours because I know it is”. Journalists are unable to gain access concerted disposal effort involving a bottle of Dettol, 5 litres of water
to the affected area, which is being referred to as ‘ground zero’, but and a disused fish slice.
another eyewitness described the turd as “an absolute monolith of
crap”. Another added that the smell alone was “eye-watering” and the
faeces itself was “encrusted with sweetcorn and what appear to be
tomatoes”.
Jacobs was quick to point the finger of blame at me, citing previous
incidents coupled with recent sweetcorn consumption. But it couldn’t
have been me because I haven’t eaten sweetcorn in days. Jacobs
eventually conceded she had no conclusive evidence against me and
dropped her case, whilst I issued a statement to the community to
reassure locals that “I always flush twice for big ones” and sometimes
“go at it with a fork if necessary”.

********************************
LOCAL PAPER ACCUSED OF
Representatives of the Not News section were quick to deny any
SUBLIMINAL ADVERTISING wrongdoing, saying that any products mentioned in articles were
relevant and necessary, especially when they’re as fresh and healthy
as a delectable Innocent strawberry smoothie. “We are fully aware of
Local student newspaper The Stag was yesterday facing charges of the rules regarding subliminal advertising and avoid it at all costs,”
including subliminal advertising in its Not News section. Both the they said in a statement. “Incidentally, talking about costs, you’ll find
Advertising Standards Authority and Press Complaints Commission costs cut on a range of items at your local Tesco supermarket. Every
have launched an investigation into the paper, which is accused of little helps!”
printing subversive adverts for products including delicious McVities
chocolate Hobnobs, mouth-watering Bernard Matthews turkey ham Media pundits are not surprised by the paper’s alleged strategy to gain
and Mr Kipling’s exceedingly good yet surprisingly affordable cherry more revenue in cash-strapped times. John Thompson from Media
Bakewells. Guardian says it is likely other publications will follow the trend set
by The Stag, despite the risks of prosecution. “To be honest,” he said,
ASA representative Paul Simmons condemned the activity, saying “most people are pretty depressed with the news these days. I think
“such advertising of these [scrumptious and inexpensive] products they’d prefer to be reading about the great deals they can get on a
is in clear violation of several ASA standards, designed to protect the selection of cookers and dishwashers at their nearby Comet, rather
gullible public from being duped even more than they are already.” He than the latest boring drivel about a guy who’s had his arms stabbed to
added that the methods used to insert the subliminal adverts ranged bits or his face shot off.”
from subtle to clumsy. “Sometimes they use biased adjectives,” he
explained, “and other times it’s more obvious like when they tack an In other news, Stella Artois is on a special two for one deal at all
incongruous extra sentence on to a paragraph.” Incidentally, don’t you branches of Asda.
think it’s time you bought a packet of lovely KitKats?
12
 Things to watch out for in 2009
Science Editor and occasional have shorter attention spans and, really,
psychic Toby Shannon takes a look nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
at what’s in store for the closing
days of the naughty noughties. 4. Spin-off telly
Ok people, it looks like we’re in trouble.
The noughties are on their way out – the
bright, shiny new millennium is looking a
bit faded and dull and the world appears
to be falling apart at the seams. But all
is not doom and gloom. Are we not still
here? Standing strong against all odds? Of
course we are – do cheer up. Here are my
things to look out for in 2009.
1. The cloak
I won’t lie to you. I’ve been waiting for this
one for a while. It’s green (you won’t have
to have the heating on if you’re draped
around with a heavy sheet of material),
it’s credit-crunchy-chic (recycled curtains
anyone?) and, most importantly, they’re
incredible. Won’t the strange, new world
seem less bleak when we’re all stalking
around the place in a frenzy of operatic
drama?
2. The bring-a-dish supper
2008 saw the return of port, sherry and
the cheeseboard. I’d like to suggest the re-
invention of the bring-a-dish supper. The
host simply provides the venue and each
of the guests brings along a delicious
something-or-other to share out. I rather
like the idea of a vast and dizzying array of
foods served, utensils a-clatter, conversa-
tion and drink a-flowing… What could be
nicer? But don’t all bring salad. That’d be No, not just big hair. ENORMOUS HAIR.
a fiasco.
7. Moustaches
3. Noughties nostalgia
Given that we’ve already seen television
programmes and the world of style look-
ing back to the mid-nineties, a celebration
of all things noughties can’t be far away.
We’ll all be looking back with a sigh and
a collective “aww… do you remember
when…?” I blame this on the phenomenon
of the erosion of the Long Now… People
What’s on the television schedules this
year? I’d like to see:
“Mostly Nessa” – After the last series of
Gavin and Stacey, the continuing adven-
tures of Vanessa Shanessa Jenkins.
“Eurovision Hole-in-the-wall” – This
year’s Eurovision hopefuls have to belt
out show tunes whilst leaping athleti-
cally through poorly-carved polystyrene
sets.
“I’m a Celebrity – please let me in!” –
Z-list has-beens fight to get onto the set
of “I’m a Celebrity…” whilst Ant ‘n’ Dec
pelt them with assorted marsupial go-
nads. pending).
5. Games a-go-go 8. Smell-o-vision
New for the WiiPlayBox... First, there was black and white television
and not much was on: just the king recit-
“Guitar Hero – U2 Strikes Back” ing the alphabet over and over. Then came
“Super Mario 14 – This time, itsa person- programmes; then colour television; then
al!” 3D… 2009 brings SMELL-O-VISION! Have
“Spyro the Dragon does Dallas” you ever wanted to know what the cobble-
“Singstar – Showaddywaddy’s greatest stones of Coronation Street smell like (de-
hit” cidedly cardboardy)? How about the very
“Short-tempered monsters lunge at you sweat from Gordon Ramsey’s brow (rather
with pointy sticks” like beef I’m afraid)? Derren Brown’s suit
(ditto, beef)? Well, 2009 is the year for
6. Big Hair you. I’m on the edge of my seat.
9. Incomplete lists
Umm...
Facial hair is back (and not just for the
chaps). From the mighty bikers’ handle-
bar to the exquisitely pointed Salvador Dali
– moustaches look good on anyone. In
these times, you want something to rely on
and what is more reliable than a beautiful,
luxurious moustache. Warm, practical and
as elaborate as you like – 2009 is the of-
ficial year of the moustache (official status
13
 Addiction and Abstinence
H opefully all of you had a lovely,
relaxing holiday and didn’t spend
too much time worrying over exam results
or drowning in your dissertation.We’re
already in the beginning weeks of the new
term, and as I’m writing this I have yet to
visit the gym, but on the plus side have
managed to get my healthy eating off the
ground (at the expense of developing an
addiction to Grey’s Anatomy instead of
biscuits).The entirely predictable theme
for this issue’s food page is about our
behaviour as humans to give into our
addictive personalities, and how we try
so hard to abstain from these at this
time of year. Clichéd I know, but it has
become a somewhat culturally accepted
phenomenon to spend too much money
and eat too much during December, then
proceed to beat ourselves up about it in
January. We force down the Christmas
chocolate before going back to work,
cover up all traces of mince pies and wait
for the recycling truck to clear away the
one or two hundred empty alcohol bottles
residing on the porch. The desk drawer at
work now contains bags of dried fruit and
mixed nuts instead of handfuls of Quality
Streets and the office fridge is stocked full
of salad and low fat yoghurt. Instead of
lying on the sofa and mindlessly watching
festive T.V., our bodies are stretched and
strained into cardio, weights and Yoga.
So with the best of intentions, we aim to
kick our sinful habits.
However, more often than not, by the
end of the month, we can end up just
replacing those old habits with another
vice. Not to put a dampener on your
efforts, but realistically we are only
human after all, none of us are entirely
saint-like. That’s not to say that we can’t
try! It’s not all doom and gloom (really),
I know the weather sucks, your favourite
delicacies have been replaced with
rabbit food and the gym is way too over
crowded to be worth it. But no one said
that doing the right things for your body
would be easy. As this is a food related
column, I’ve included a couple of recipes
to help you make those tiny steps towards
healthier eating. It can take a mammoth
effort to be good after a month or so of
pure indulgence but persevere and you
will succeed. These recipes will hopefully
stave off the hunger pangs and stop
you reaching for the naughty snacks too
often, as well as keeping you nice and
warm because spring (and dissertation
deadlines thank goodness), are still a way
off. But remember, just because it’s the
New Year, doesn’t mean you can’t treat
yourself sometimes…*goes to retrieve
the jar of Nutella*
…moderation is the key! So I’ve popped
in a dessert recipe too.
14
By Chetna Pandya
Lentil Cottage Pie
Preparation time: 10 minutes
Cooking time: 45 minutes
Other: vegetarian, serves 4
Ingredients
- 800g medium new potatoes,
quartered
- 2 tablespoons low fat spread
- 1 medium brown onion (150g),
hopped finely
- 1 clove garlic, crushed
- 415g can crushed tomatoes
- 1 cup (250ml) vegetable stock
- 1 cup (250ml) water
- 2 tablespoons tomato paste
- ½ cup (80ml) dry red wine
- 2/3 cup (130g) red lentils
- 1 medium carrot (120g),
chopped finely
- ½ cup (60g) frozen peas,
thawed
- 2 tablespoons Worcestershire
sauce
- 1/3 cup coarsely chopped fresh
flat leaf parsley
1. Preheat the oven to gas mark
7-8/240°C
2. Boil, steam of microwave the
potatoes until tender and drain
3. Mash potatoes in a large bowl
with half of the spread
4. Melt the remaining spread in a
medium deep frying pan
5. Cook onion and garlic in the
spread, stirring until onion
softens
6. Add undrained tomatoes, stock,
the water, paste, wine, lentils
and carrot and bring to the boil
7. Reduce heat, simmer
uncovered for 5 minutes
8. Spoon the lentil mixture into
a shallow 1 litre (4 cup) oven
proof dish
9. Spread the potato mash on top
10. Bake, uncovered in the hot oven
for 20 minutes
11. Stand the pie for 10 minutes
before serving with an optional
simple green salad
Salsa Cruda
Ingredients
- ½ Lebanese cucumber,
chopped finely (that’s what the
recipe says but a normal one
should do just fine!)
- ½ small red onion (40g),
chopped finely
- 1 small tomato (130g), chopped
finely
- 1 teaspoon mild chilli sauce
1. Preheat oven to gas mark 4-
5/180°C
2. Heat large lightly oiled non stick
frying pan
3. Cook garlic and beef, stirring it
until beef is browned all over
4. Add chilli, cumin, beans, paste,
the water and tomato
5. Cook over a low heat for about
15 minutes or until the mixture
thickens slightly
6. Meanwhile, toast the taco shells
upside down and uncovered on
an oven tray in the oven for 5
minutes
7. For the salsa cruda just
combine and mix up the
ingredients in a small bowl
8. Just before serving, fill the taco
shells with the beef mixture,
lettuce and salsa cruda
Chocolate Brownies
Preparation time: 15 minutes
Cooking time: 25 minutes
Makes: 16
Ingredients
- 2 eggs
- 1/3 cup (75g) firmly packed
brown sugar
- 2 teaspoons instant coffee
powder
- 2 tablespoons cocoa powder
- 1 tablespoon water
- 1 tablespoon olive oil
- 40g low fat spread, melted
- ¼ cup (40g) wholemeal self
raising flour
- ¼ cup (45g) dark chocolate bits
- 1 teaspoon cocoa powder, extra
- 2 teaspoons icing sugar mixture
1. Preheat the oven to gas mark
4-5/180°C
2. Grease and line a deep 19cm
square pan
3. Using an electric mixer, beat
eggs and sugar in a small bowl
until thick and creamy
4. Transfer to a medium bowl
5. Meanwhile, blend coffee and
cocoa with the water and oil in
small bowl until smooth
6. Stir in the spread
7. Fold cocoa mixture into egg
mixture
8. Fold in flour and chocolate bits
9. Pour mixture into prepared pan
10. Bake, uncovered in moderate
oven for about 25 minutes or
until brownie is firm to the touch
11. Stand for 30 minutes and turn
onto wire rack
12. Serve brownies dusted with
sifted combined cocoa and
icing sugar mixture
 University of Surrey Students Against TV Licensing
- The ‘Back Down’ campaign
By Jack Symons ( VP Societies and Individual Development) vertising and is calling for a reflec-
tion on the consistency and fair-

T hank you. I have felt for a long time that TV Licensing is unfair on Stu-
dents and I thought it appropriate as a Sabbatical Officer to bring the
issues up. I am delighted to see so many students getting involved and am
ness of Student TV Licensing. The
University of Surrey Students’ Un-
ion sent a motion to the National
grateful for the support so far. Union of Students (NUS) to adopt a
But things have only just begun. Get excited Surrey students, for this cam- more active role in overseeing and
paign puts us in the forefront of national student politics and this semester taking control of the methods and
will be an exciting one! The ‘Back Down’ campaign calls for two things: con- tone/language TV Licensing use to
sistency with their pricing and consideration for their advertising campaigns. ‘sell’ their licenses to students. Inci-
You may have already seen the adverts on the screens in Chancellors. TV dentally, we pay the National Union
Licensing ‘love our excuses, they use them as evidence.’ Many students feel of Students a very large affiliation
that the tone of TV Licensing advertising has become quite sinister. Some stu- fee (around the £40,000 mark) and
dents have gone as far as accusing TV Licensing of adopting ‘bullyboy’ tactics we hope to see some support in this
to scare students into buying a TV License. The next advertising campaign is issue.
said to use SMS text messages and flyers so they can reach (and intimidate) If this has got you all fired up, then
even more vulnerable students. get in contact with Jack Symons (VP
We will not take this from them. Not us. Not Surrey. Societies and Individual Develop-
With regards to the inconsistencies of their pricing, a hotel only needs one ment, ussu.societies@surrey.ac.uk)
license for the first fifteen rooms (and one for every five thereafter) and Ac- and be proud to stand up for what
commodation for Residential Care (that’s a nursing/retirement home to us) you believe in - Student Rights. You can also join the Facebook group by typ-
only needs one license per room (but it costs only £7.50). Why is it that poor ing in ‘University of Surrey Students Against TV Licensing.’ Students will be
students have to pay £139.50 for a TV in one small boxy room on campus campaigning in April, so do get in touch if you want to get involved in a proper
within a Hall of Residence? This forces students to choose between paying campaign with an achievable outcome.
an extortionate amount of money (to have a TV), break the law (and use a TV
without a License) or go without (and miss out on important news crucial to Together we can change this. This year we tell TV Licensing to ‘Back Down.’
the academic and professional development of students).
The University of Surrey Students’ Union is making a stand against TVL ad-

The Return of Citrus with S Club 3

By Amy Short

Wednesday 22nd January saw the return of the student union event “Citrus”. Amy: Where’s Jo?
It was an eventful night, especially when S Club 3 hit the stage. I didn’t have
any high hopes: I thought they would mime and only do a couple of songs. Paul: She’s gone home, she had a baby not so long ago. She has her
But to my surprise, they sung live, covered pretty much all their songs and duties.
really got the crowd going. It was quite a busy night too! Here’s what some of
the students thought: Amy: Did you go and see Rachel Stevens in Strictly Come Dancing?

Media student Emma Reading said, “I’m so glad Citrus is back! The music Bradley: I was going to, but we watched her on telly instead
was great, there were a couple of good deals on the drinks and I thought S
Paul: She was brilliant though
Club 3 were amazing!” Laura Kearns said, “Apart from being squashed in the
crowd when S Club 3 were on, it was a brilliant night”. However, Dan Arnould Amy: What’s it like having Steve McIntosh (Bradley’s dad) as your
said, “S Club are w***. I had high hopes for Citrus, and also hopes that the manager?
union would get its act together.”
Bradley: Brilliant, it’s like two for the price of one. Dad and Boss.
I went back stage after S Club had performed and decided to ask them a few
random questions… Amy: Seeing as it’s a student newspaper, I have to ask… If you could
do a degree, what would it be?
Amy: What have you guys been up to since the days of S Club?
Paul: I’ve never really been a student… probably something in computing
Paul: I was in a rock band for a while as the lead singer, but we didn’t really
get anywhere Bradley: Definitely music.
Bradley: I’ve played at a couple of clubs as a DJ and I’m currently working on Amy: Will you come back to The University of Surrey?
an album with Justin Timberlake’s bass guitarist
Bradley: Definitely
Amy: Wow! Have you met Justin then??
Amy: Yay! I hope you do!
Bradley: Nah… he’s way too busy
15
 DJ Larizzle and
special guests
DJ Masterstepz
(Choice FM) and
DJ Cameo
(1Extra)

Monday 2nd February

10pm - 2am, Rubix

£3 advance
£4 on the door
£7 guests
Tickets available from the bookshop

Budweiser drinks promo

what’s on in your Union

���saturday ���sunday ���monday ���tuesday ���

wednesday ���
thursday ���friday
����� ����� ����� ������ ������ ������ �����
2009
�������� ����������������� ����������� ����� �������������
��������� �������� ������������
������
���������������
�������������������
����������� ������������������
����������

Key
���������������� ���������� Sabbatical elections coming on 25th & 26th of February
���������

���������������
�����

���
who will you be next year?
Nominations open on Monday 16th February
��� �������������

16 ��������������������������������
Surrey Persian Society
The Iranian society (also known as Surrey Persian society) is
now celebrating its 20th birthday. For over twenty years Per-
sians and non-Persians have come together here at Surrey
to celebrate the culture of a country with over 3,000 years’
worth of history.
Here at Surrey the Iranian society committee organises vari-
ous events such as parties, bar crawls, night outs, sports
days, BBQs, Persian New Year, and trips. This spring semes-
ter we aim to introduce major developments into the society,
such as the upcoming trip to Blackpool in March, and also
get together with other societies at Surrey and Brunel Univer-
sity.
The Surrey Persian Society is a multi-cultured society. We
take part in many international events and we’re known to
be hospitable and fun. Don’t take my word; come and see for
yourself!
Email us at ussu.iranian@surrey.ac.uk or search us on Face-
book under ‘Unis Iranian Society’.
If you have any articles for our societies section then please email
societiesdeskstag@gmail.com
Ifestival (International Festival)
When: Monday 9th March – 20th March 2009
Where: Everywhere!
iFestival is a little bit special - it’s a two week festival that
celebrates international and individual diversity. Campus
offers itself to all students as a blank canvas to display
and showcase your culture and individuality. There isn’t
much structure to iFestival on our part as it’s your festival.
Events you might like to know about include the iGala,
iExhibition and iOlympics. Whatever you want to do to ex-
press yourself, you can. Any students wishing to get in-
volved in the Festival (in any way), get in contact with Jack
Symons, VP Societies and Individual Development (ussu.
societies@surrey.ac.uk)
The website will give you more information nearer the
time but in the meantime, here’s a little something for
you to consider: There are over 120 nationalities on cam-
pus! Isn’t that incredible?
17
 Chancellors value
Credit••Crunch
Busters

Buy 2 get 3rd Breakfast FREE

Includes any Breakfast Option (not extras)
ONLY served from 8.00am till 11.30am

Buy a Coffee and get a

FREE Flapjack or Muffin
ONLY served from 8.00am till 11.30am

Cocktails £2.95 (normally £3.50 - £4.00)

Single Smirnoff & Redbull just £2.00
Double Smirnoff & Redbull just £2.50
Smirnoff & Redbull Offer ONLY available from 7.00PM - 9.00PM

QUALITY
GUARANTEED

18
19
 MUSIC
Tipped for 2009!
We’ve probably all heard lots of new bands set to be big for
2009, from White Lies to Little Boots, but this is who our re-
viewer Mark Allen thinks we should keep an ear out for…..

Passion Pit

Passion Pit are one of the fastest rising bands to come out of Boston,
and are growing in popularity worldwide. Having only formed in 2007,
they have already become a hot topic on industry message boards
and blogs to be one of the top bands for 2009. Their genre is quite
difficult to pigeon hole, but follows the idea of indie/electro, and has
become extremely popular in the past 6 months.

Possibly compared with music from the likes of MGMT, Santogold or

Vampire Weekend, their latest track Sleepyhead off their Chunk of
Change EP has caused stirs within the music industry, blending synth
chords, sampled-yelps and high, intense vocals to create music that is
rarely heard outside of the underground scene. This track really sticks
in your head, especially as you try and work out what is being said in
the high pitched vocal part. One of the most interesting things about
this track is that Passion Pit took the inspiration and main ideas for
this song from a 1960s recording of a traditional Irish song called ‘Óró
Mo Bháidín’, sung in Gaelic, which is what makes this band so unique.
This vocal part sounds strange and foreign, but works so well within it,
even if you don’t know what she’s saying.
The Chunk of Change EP has a lot of great tracks on it, with I’ve Got
Your Number being a great downtempo electro number with brilliant
lyrics, a strong chorus and some interesting synth parts thrown in.
They are recording their full length album at the moment, which is
sure to be released with great anticipation, what with many critics
thinking 2009 will be the year of electro pop and indie merging with
electronica, with the success of bands like MGMT, who gained such
titles as NME’s Album of the Year in 2008. Both signed to Columbia
Records in the UK, this seems to be a label that is clued up in terms of
who are set to be big-selling artists in the coming year.

Lily Allen -‘Fear’, Miley Cyrus ‘Fly on the Wall’

Released 26/1/09 Released 16/02/09

Lily Allen is back! Her new
single lives up to
expectations and mixes
her now not-so-unique
vocals with an electro
backdrop to create an
instantly likeable hit.
The 15 year old American star is back with
another annoyingly catchy song. Slightly
more rocky than her last single, but still defi-
nitely in the category of cheesy pop.
3/5
Rachael Fitz-Patrick

4/5

Rachael Fitz-Patrick
For your chance to review
please email
musicdeskstag@gmail.com
20 musicdeskstag@gmail.com
Surrey Sweethearts....

Who’s your Surrey Sweetheart?

Has someone caught your eye lately?
Tell us where, when and who you’ve met and you might just be in luck

21
 Our Music Editor
Rachael Fitz-Patrick and her team of
reviewers presents you with some more
ear tingling reviews for the New Year !
Midgar – Of The Ancients EP
By Andy Vale
After spending a year building up what can only be described
as a rabid local following, Midgar finally release their debut
EP upon the world. The CD opens with a Pantera-esque thump
that Dimebag and Vinne-Paul would approve of, before melt-
ing into more gentle tones signifying the impending vocals of
Andy Wilson-Taylor. At times delicate, soaring at others. The
first track then blends perfectly into ‘Vincents Masquerade’,
which is just showing off! Both this and ‘A Thousand Eyes’
(my personal favourite) are radical slices of hard rock good-
ness, showing the band to be tight, exciting and unquestion-
ably cowabunga when necessary.
The closing number takes a completely different turn with the
calm, reflective and dark ‘Haunted’. While the rest of the disk
rips your face off, this one caresses it. The final few minutes
of the song spiral off into the ether leaving you entirely re-
laxed, enthralled but slightly unsettled by the insania created
when hearing the mantra “I won’t sleep until I see you.”
My only wish is that on the heavier numbers they would hold
the intensity for the verses too. They all start with a bang and
end with a crescendo, but I’d prefer if some of the verses
contained a bit more thrust. However as faults go, it’s a bit
like saying ‘Jennifer Lopez. Hot poontang, but there’s a small
freckle on her ankle I’m nonplussed about’. Oh, I’d also like
the EP to be longer, with me in the band, and for it to come
with free money.
22
Snow Patrol: A Hundred Million Suns
Released: 27/10/08
2 years on since their last album, and Snow Patrol finally release ‘A
Hundred Million Suns’. Expectations were high; well, when your last
album ‘Eyes Open’ sold over 2.1 million copies in the UK and over a
million in the US, there is always going to be a certain amount of pres-
sure!
Listening to the CD for the first time, I didn’t know what to expect, were
they going to try something brand new? The answer, in my opinion, is
no. Now, die-hard Snow Patrol fans are likely to disagree, but to your
average listener, it sounds pretty average. Don’t get me wrong, it is a
good album, and there are definitely some stand out tracks, the pre-re-
leased ‘Take Back the City’ being one of them. The songs, as ever, are
poignant and you can tell mean something to band. Will it become as
acclaimed as their previous albums? I don’t know, every time I listen to
it I like it more and more and suspect that a lot of people will feel the
same. Releasing the album at this time of year seems appropriate, as
to me they are the kind of songs you would listen to on an autumn/win-
ter evening when you’re nice and warm inside and the weather outside
is miserable.
3.5/5
Rachael Fitz-Patrick
Tv on the radio – Dancing Choose
Released: 5/1/09
They may not look like your average indie rockers, but Tv
on the Radio mix catchy rap lyrics with pop choruses in
Dancing Choose. This is a definite hit and gets you sing-
ing along, but the chorus seems to lose the momentum
of the song.
3.5/5
Mark Allen
 The Stag’s Own Music Exclusive with:
Iglu and Hartly
Cecily Child sits down for a chat with the band. . .
I found Iglu and Hartly primarily preoccupied with preparing themselves mayo and turkey ham sandwiches, but they soon
gave me a warm welcome and a seat on their sofa, and so it began.

The first thing I really want to ask you is why exactly I read that you met at college. Do you think that your
are you called Iglu and Hartly? decision to leave in order to pursue a musical career
was the right choice?
Sam: It’s a two part story. Jarvis, who produces all the beats
for the band, was looking for a DJ name. This was back in Simon: Yeah, me, Sam and Jarvis met at college in Colorado
high school and at the time he used to chaperone this hand- and then moved to LA to the music scene. I’d say we less
icapped kid around school. This kid suggested the name DJ ‘dropped out’ and more pursued our career. I don’t regret it,
Snow, which Jarvis wasn’t too keen on, and then DJ Iglu, it wasn’t like we were at college and were thinking ‘we can’t
which he kept. I met him, and at the time I just wrote raps for do this’. I’ve always felt that college is like a holding tank. It
fun. I was calling myself ‘Hartly Dark’, so we started a band teaches you all these skills and you can discover what you
called DJ Iglu and Hartly Dark but it was just too long so we really like by what sticks and what you enjoy. We went to
just shortened it down to Iglu and Hartly. college and we found each other and found that we had a
common goal.
Simon: It was thirteen syllables before. (He later checked this
by counting on his fingers and realised it was incorrect.)
Iglu and Hartly’s live set later that night was one of the most
What’s the most memorable thing that’s happened to enjoyable gigs I have been to in a long time. They have a
you on tour so far? Any good stories? constant energy that transfers across to the fans, and there
was a strong connection between the band and their audi-
Simon: We’ve got a lot of good stories. We went skateboard- ence. Their recent single ‘In this City’ prompted a fantas-
ing last night in a parking lot. Naked. Actually a lot of our sto- tic response from the crowd, as fans sang along and even
ries involved nudity. It’s all part of our free spirited nature. climbed onstage to join in the band’s animated performance.
Iglu and Hartly are incredibly warm guys and are equally tal-
If you could tour with any musician, dead or alive, who ented, with a natural aptitude for performing. They definitely
would it be? deserve any success they receive.

Michael: I’d maybe say Bob Marley and the Wailers. That
would be fun. The rhythm section of the band is amazing
and all their shows were, like, spiritual and interactive. Going to a gig and want to
Simon: There are a lot bands I’d like to play with but it’s not interview the band? Why not
always based upon the music. There are people who’d be
fun to hang out with because if you form a bond on tour
get in contact with our Music
then you really enjoy it. Sometimes you’re only together for Editor Rachael at
a week and a half but there’s such a closeness, you have a
common goal. musicdeskstag@gmail.com
Look out for the next CD handout for your chance to review 23
 Anna Phoebe – Rise Of The Warriorheavy
By Andy Vale
female at home as I walked into the store, it then reminded me that
Anna Phoebe has been one of the world’s most active violinists of the she had told me to use our reusable bags. I headed back to the car.
last few years. Having just finished a US tour to over a million people Even if this album sells only one copy (mine) then at least one less
as the solo violinist of Trans Siberian Orchestra, she has also played plastic bag will be put into landfill.
with Jethro Tull, P Diddy, Byron Johnston and George Michael. This has
involved playing some of the world’s biggest festivals and arenas with As I venture on through the store and album I am treated to most emo-
little time to spare. Thankfully she took just enough time off in 2008 to tions under the sun. Softer moments such as The Farewell and Fallen
record her debut solo album. Ashes made me want to bond with my nearby shoppers. It made me
want to hold them, dance with them and feel a closeness that they
I can’t claim to own many albums like this. I think few people can. had never felt before (no innuendo intended there, I swear). Mean-
Knowing where to start a review for an album like this is tricky. I made while there were still plenty of rougher edges to keep me on my toes. I
a challenge with myself not to use obvious terms such as ‘epic’, ‘Night- genuinely wished I was elsewhere and doing more fun things at such
wish without vocals’ and ‘I can’t believe that a chick with a violin makes times, I’d love to tell you that listening to this made the shop seem ex-
such a boisterous sound’. So I thought I’d do the most logical thing I citing but it didn’t. The tinned vegetable aisle is the tinned vegetable
could think of. Put it on during my trip to Tesco and then tell you the aisle, no matter what you have in your headphones. However it did
story. Anna Phoebe – Rise of The Warrior, accompanied by Andy going give me the power not to buy more unnecessary pizza.
shopping.
As with all good instrumental music, the power of this is that it doesn’t
The opening tribal drumming and thunder of the title track made me have words. It can take you wherever you wish to go. However there is
feel like I was on a journey more exciting, exotic and dangerous than still a strong story to the album; with only the song titles and the lead
the supermarket. When the full rush of the song kicked in I was in the violin you can piece together your own narrative quite easily. The inter-
shadow of the Cathedral and the grandeur of the spectacle nearly esting thing is that even though this album could be the soundtrack to
overwhelmed me. I went so fast through the underpass that those new the next Final Fantasy game it has been made without a film, compu-
CCTV’s would’ve only recorded a sonic blur, such was the adrenaline ter game or Tesco trip in mind. The beauty of it is that it exists solely for
caused by this lady’s music. It’s one of the finest album openers I have its majestic opulence. I used a thesaurus for both of those words.
ever heard.
Anna appeared live on GU2 Radio on Friday 23rd January.
Follow up track Spirit Of Tara contains much of the fire of what came We hope you enjoyed what she had to say!
before it but with a more female twist. This reminded me of my own

Pendulum, Brixton Academy - 4th December 2008

quite impressive. Ben Mount, the MC and front man keeps the crowd
So this is a big one. I have been a fan of Pendulum since ‘Hold Your going, whilst Rob stands back and plays his Keytar and only really ever
Colour’, and this was going to be the first time I’d seen them. Not be- opens his mouth to sing. They played a good range of material from
ing a huge fan of ‘In Silico’, I was interested in how much they would their catalogue, including the brilliant ‘Voodoo People’ remix, and the
mix the drum and bass album ‘Hold Your Colour’ with the new heavy- amazing ‘Blood Sugar’, which had people dancing and bouncing off of
rock music of ‘In Silico’ with the live set-up. Pendulum have always each other. The tracks from ‘Hold Your Colour’ were brilliant with the
said they mix heavy metal with drum and bass, and the move to live live band, with their tight performances keeping it together through-
seemed like a logical step for them to take. Their music is always out. The visuals effects and lasers were a great addition, with a gi-
popular at any club. Classics like ‘Slam’ are always a firm favourite ant white clock appearing towards the end, projecting a two minute
amongst many people, with the drum and bass beats mixed with sing- countdown leading into ‘The Tempest’ from the new album.
a-long synth lines.
All in all, seeing Pendulum was an awesome experience, and it was
As front man Ben Mount walked onto the stage, the crowd instantly great to see them in a live performance. I do think ‘Hold Your Colour’
prepped themselves for what was about to happen. His role as MC is is their best work, as the new album seems to have gone in a much
part of the live set, and he runs and jumps about the stage getting the more ‘pop rock’ format. It was great to hear a real mix of both albums,
crowd excited and involved. The live set-up has been a huge success and playing for such a long time was impressive. They have come a
since they started it, and hearing the tracks with live instruments was very long way since the underground days of ‘Hold Your Colour’.
an awesome experience, taking them from drum and bass DJs to fus-
ers of heavy rock, electronic and drum and bass. Rating 4/5
Mark Allen
Pendulum performed for a massive hour and forty-five minutes which,
considering the majority of the band are playing live instruments, is

24
 Surrey’s Own Music Exclusive with:
Jaff from the Futureheads
Miriam Kidane has a chat to Jaff before the Futureheads performance at the Brixton Academy
on 29th November 2008
How did the European tour go? come to us. We did some in my back room, we us. They try and follow the fashion, but they’re
did some on the beach around and about in not the fashion, they’re shit. Franz Ferdinand
It went very well. Different. Ever been to Scan- Sunderland. And our drummer was like, ‘Why piss all over the bands who imitate them, they
dinavia in November? Warsaw. Minus 15 out- don’t we put foil on our faces because it would are just a great band. Kaisers are the best at
side? I had long johns on and it was still freez- be different’ and we were like, ‘Right Dave, doing arena rock, that we know. And you get
ing!! You literally can’t go out for longer than you’re a nutter’. But actually it looked really bands trying to copy it and they’re just cack.
ten minutes without being absolutely freez- good so we just kept it and it likes being on the
ing. front cover of your album but not because our Right can you describe your third album
faces are covered. using these three words? Pumpkin, Fire
So you didn’t go sightseeing? Engine and Punky:
Would there be any other bands you
Oh yeah, but it was just cold! cover? How about… we recorded our third album with
Youth, who’s in a band called Fireman with
Are the fans different in to the ones in Yeah. We’re probably going to do a Paul McCa- Paul McCartney. So basically, we had to imag-
Britain? rtney Christmas song in the UK tour once we ine we were in a fire engine when we made it.
learn how to play it. I’d quite like to do a cover We had to record it really fast because if we
Not really. I mean the Japanese fans are fa- of ‘They Don’t Know’ by Kirsty Macoll. I like to didn’t, our carriage would have turned into a
natical. But if you play a better gig in one town do solo artists instead of bands, because you pumpkin and our album wouldn’t have been
than the other, the fans respond differently. can be more original with the cover. punky anymore.
But it’s not nationalised to one country. Al-
though, it’s funny how fans in Germany, for I’m sure you get asked all the time what Brilliant. Thank you so much and good
example, sing Seven Nation Army in between bands you like, but are there bands that luck with your show tonight.
bands at gigs or festivals. It’s like ‘where did you hate?
that come from?’, so that can be a little weird. After interviewing Jaff from the band, I was
Germans are funny people. (LAUGHING) Yeah there are. more excited to see what the band had to of-
fer. Since their first massive hit, ‘Hounds of
Love’, the band have struggled to get back
Oh, what’s up with the foil on the front Name and shame.
to that same height of success. Last time
cover of your third album, ‘This is not the I saw the Futureheads live was just after
World’? No… but I don’t like modern bands. I just see the release of ‘Beginning of the Twist’ and
through the trite. It’s not fair to say I don’t like they were brilliant, but since, they’ve been
We’re just expressing modern bands, I don’t like the modern indus- dropped from their major record label. I think
ourselves dude! try of music… I was expecting a has-beens performance.
The guys came straight in with a perform-
Explain! So you don’t like X Factor and other real- ance of ’Walking Backwards’ off their new
ity talent shows? album. It was energetic and a popular song
Well that was my house that we shot the al- choice. I was very impressed. The next few
bum cover in. It’s my shutter of my garage No, I don’t mind that because it’s pop music. tracks were played in the same vein, fast
and furious guitars and the atmosphere was
door and it’s my back garden. I just don’t like how every fucking dickhead
awesome. ‘Radio Heart’, the new single, was
can put on some skinny jeans, get a hair cut performed really well. One thing the band are
Oh really? Did you use Tesco foil? and get a record deal, when they can’t even really good at is stamping their individuality
play the guitar properly. But it’s the fact that onto a song and when you hear a Futureheads
Tesco’s?? Wayah man…Waitrose!!! NOT RE- we grafted, we were in a band since 2000 track, you know it’s the Futureheads. This
ALLY!!! We don’t have a Waitrose in Sunder- didn’t get a record deal till 2004. Bands form was most evident when they played ‘Decent
land, you’re joking man… Sainsbury’s foil. And in London, put a silly luminous tracksuit on Days and Night’… my favourite track from
basically we got sick of doing photo shoots. and now they’re nu-rave. That’s a term? No their first album, amazing energy throughout,
The worst part of being in a band is having it’s not, what is that? I know the Klaxons are and I couldn’t believe I doubted how the Fu-
your picture taken, trying to make you look the dons of that and they are really good. It’s tureheads would perform.
good. I just do look good, that’s just chance not normally the bands that start it but it’s the The gig was amazing with standout tracks be-
ing ‘Beginning of the Twist’ and the NME track
(LAUGHS). No, it’s shit. Look this way, look that bands that follow. It’s the bands that follow
of 2005, ‘Hounds of Love’. One of the best gigs
way. So we basically said that we’re doing one the Kaisers, Franz Ferdinand, but these new I had gone to in a long time, the Futureheads
photo shoot for this album, and we’re doing it bands, who are they influenced by? They’re in-
up north, and the photographer would have to fluenced by what the press have written about
are most definitely not has-beens!!!
4/5 25
Literature Get those creative juices flowing....
The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories by Alisa Surkis and Moni-
ca Nolan
Kensington Books £9.99
Reviewed by Stephanie Davies

Was this an excellent piece of literature? Neigh! But was it entertaining? Oh yes.
The Big Book of Lesbian Horse Stories is a parody of every lesbian pulp-fiction plot
ever written. There is no lack of freckled farm girls, gangster molls or saddled-police-
women, and the collection of short stories perfectly captures the flavour of the fifties
dime novel.

This is not a novel to be taken seriously. Every girl has a name like Oreola or Jean
and every story includes a horse, sometimes under the most unlikely circumstances.
Notable chapters are ‘Miss Barnard’s Unit’, in which a country girl falls for a classy
debutante who teaches her how to ride during wartime, and ‘The Stableboy,’ who is
actually a stable/girl/ in disguise. The plots are emotionally-charged and repetitive,
usually involving a protagonist who must overcome her troubled past and take con-
trol of her life to get the girl and finally ride off into the sunset.

The novel’s provocative cover is slightly misleading - in no way are the collective ef-
forts of Surkis and Nolan titillating, but readers will get just what the title promises:
a big book of lesbian horse stories. It’s broad satire, pun intended.

Notes From an Exhibition by Patrick Gale

Harper Perennial £7.99
Reviewed by Stephanie Davies

Viewed as a novel driven by death and mental disorder, Notes From An Exhibition
is an excellent read. However, package it as a sympathetic study of family life and
Patrick Gale’s latest novel falls short.

The ‘notes’ from the title refer to the chapter-heading notes on a posthumous exhibi-
tion of manic-depressive artist Rachel Kelly’s work. Rachel dies within pages, and
as the story progresses the narrative jumps between characters, shifting back and
forwards through time, towards a final fatality. We meet Rachel at various stages of
her life; as a precocious student, a promiscuous teen and an unloving mother; but
never as a likeable character. Her lack of maternal feeling makes it difficult for the
reader to have compassion for the tortured artist, who seems nothing more than a
vessel for her mental disorder.

The novel is written from several points of view, with each character introduced in a
new chapter, and some very late. Perhaps the most anticipated is the elusive Mor-
wenna, Rachel’s daughter, who is engaging as a child but turns out to be wholly pre-
dictable when she reappears. Though the characters are well-developed, many are
one-dimensional, and Rachel’s four children lack substance as adults. However, the
book’s main strength is its fascinating insight into each child’s reaction to Rachel’s
illness. The evocations of the certainties and claustrophobia of childhood provide
rare moments of sincerity. The chapter where son Garfield (hint - try to read without
picturing a large ginger cat) visits his mother in a psychiatric hospital on his birthday
is especially heartbreaking.

26
 The Gum Thief
By Douglas Coupland
Reviewed by Dawn Harman
Douglas Coupland’s latest novel is set amongst the aisles of an office superstore,
where the bitter and twisted alcoholic Roger brings his journal to work. Roger
unexpectedly strikes up a friendship with Bethany, his younger colleague,
when she discovers it and the scribbles in which he pretends to be her with
frightening accuracy. Despite Bethany’s initial protests about the creepiness
of it all, the unlikely pair are soon both using the journal to write to each other,
bonding as they discuss where it all went wrong. In among the journal entries
are also correspondence from Bethany’s mother, who just happens to have
once dated Roger, and drafts of Roger’s hilariously awful novel Glove Pond,
about an alcoholic husband and wife’s shambolic attempt to throw a dinner
party for their distinguished guests.

At times The Gum Thief can be bleak as we learn about the characters’
troubled backgrounds. However, this is countered by Roger and Bethany’s
witty description of their everyday routine. This combined with the Glove Pond
excerpts is what makes The Gum Thief so readable. The genuine affection that
the characters have for each other, despite all of their differences, makes it
memorable.

These books were kindly donated for review from the University Bookshop, If you would like to review
any book please email Amy Barnes our Literature Editor at literaturedeskstag@surrey.ac.uk

Film
The Spirit
Get the popcorn ready.....
By Toby Shannon “What smells dental? Dental
and Nazi…” should give
Right – first things first – you might read some bad things about this you an inkling of what the
film. But not here. I don’t care. I loved it. film has in store… It’s not
Directed by Frank Miller (300, Sin City etc) and it shows. It’s got a huge Batman. It’s not trying to be!
amount in common with his past portfolio – arty, semi-monochrome To borrow a convenient line
shots abound – and a stellar cast of stars and relative unknowns make from the film: “You’ll believe
this a feast (banquet!) for the eyes. The plot is, admittedly, a bit baffling a man can’t fly”.
– an immortal hero and villain battling it out through a film noir-esque But watch it – don’t take it
city surrounded by hundreds of femme fatale with loads of clones, seriously (believe me…) and
mystical ancient artefacts and a mysterious angel of death to boot. treat it like the semi-spoof
All the characters are there – the hardbitten cop, the rookie (eager to of superhero and detective
please), the concerned lover, the jewel thief, goodies, baddies and a films that it is. Go with an
whole bunch of cats. open mind, it will seem rather
Scarlett Johansson and Samuel Jackson are priceless as the evil Octopus puzzling at first but sit back,
and his hench-woman Silken Floss but my favourite was the barking relax and enjoy. Darkly comic
mad Plaster of Paris – a French stripper with a penchant for massive (nay, hilarious), beautifully
swords. This film has it all. made and action packed. It’s
a whole lotta fun.
I was a bit miffed when I left the cinema however – two chaps in front of
me said “That was a bit cheesey wasn’t it?”. Well, yes. That’s the point! It Verdict: Utterly, utterly insane
was such a good antidote to all the achingly serious superhero films that but oh-so good.
have been around lately – have a sense of humour! Lines like
27
Bride Wars (PG)
By Ollie Sim
Two best friends (Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway) are both about to get married to two
separate grooms. A dream come true, except they’ve been booked on the same date,
at the same place. Both won’t budge. All hell breaks loose and laughs are had by all!

Now if you found that synopsis just as funny as I did, you’ll know that you’ll have more
thrills staring at the fire exit in the bottom left-hand corner of the cinema screen. As with
all these nagging, zany comedies, it’s not funny. It lacks any wit and there is certainly
zero charm to be had. As I was sitting there, I was thinking to myself, it is astounding
that while Terrence Davis is on the dole struggling to make another film, how come
films like Bride Wars suddenly sound like a good idea? Believe me, it’s depressing.

One really wants to stick up for these so-called chick flicks, but they just get worse
and worse from Sex and the City to this. It’s not acceptable. What is more pain-
ful is that suckers out there will go and see it. Who could blame them? The film is
marketed for people who just don’t have the effort to watch something more in-
triguing out at the moment, like Slumdog Millionaire. Before a gruesome mon-
tage, there is a scene in a dance studio and you beg, ‘Please do not bring out
the stereotypical, camp, metrosexual dance teacher’. Guess what? They do!

1/5

Role Models (15) Frost/Nixon (15)

By Ollie Sim
Hollywood is getting into a bad habit
of presenting comedy as crude, crass
and infantile, whilst having a mawk-
ish, sentimental justification as a kind
of get-out-of-jail-free card (Superbad,
Zack and Miri Make A Porno, etc.).
Here we have two down-and-outers,
one depressed and the other who en-
joys partying all night. Together, their
wild behaviours get them into trouble
and they are sent to work with two
kids for a total of 150 hours commu-
nity service. They hate their kids, but
guess what? They learn about life and
how there is more to being responsible.
Personally, I get really tired of this, but rest assured you are go-
ing to see more of this all too soon. There are some laughs in
the film (most of them going to Jane Lynch as the scrawny Big
Brother organiser), but the whole concept is tiring, the comedy
turns flat and I’ll be surprised if anyone cannot guess how the
whole film plans out. However, most of all, I do wish that this
smug sense of snickering from the crass jokes would just stop.
By Ollie Sim
Adapted from the Peter Morgan stage play of the same name, comes a
humorous, if slightly exaggerated account on the 1977 Richard Nixon
interviews with David Frost. At the centre is a sweltering dual between
the two organisations both trying to build (or rebuild) their reputations.
The interviews are nail-bitingly tense, in which we hope there
comes an opportunity to finally turn up the heat on Nixon (which
takes some time). Both figures are as deluded as each other,
with Nixon maintaining his ‘tricky, slippy Dick’ persona and Frost
as someone who is portrayed as a somewhat flattering fool.
Ron Howard does try to make the whole transition seem cinematically
preferable. There are scenes that do drag and some that feel like they are
pieces purely for the actors. Not that it’s totally a bad thing. The perform-
ances feel polished, especially Frank Languella as the slobbering Nixon.
However, when I left the cinema I felt that the film (especially for
a two hour running length) was dry and while there are witty mo-
ments from the script (mostly on Nixon’s behalf), the film could take
itself more seriously than a desperate attempt to be satirical. In
the end, the film feels a lot less important than I thought it should
have been. It feels confined, and yet it needs to open out more.
2/5

2/5
filmdeskstag@gmail.com
28
Slumdog Millionaire (15) Yes Man (12A)
By Ollie Sim
Jim Carey is back in another spine-tin-
Danny Boyle feels like the perfect director to deliver a dazzling film from a screen-
gling comedy as Carl Allen who, after
play (expertly written by The Full Monty writer Simon Beaufoy) with serious under-
becoming detached from life and living
tones. Visually dazzling it is, and Mumbai, as a huge spectacle, is breathtaking.
by his one golden word: “No”, agrees to
attend a self–help seminar encourag-
The film flips back and fourth between a game of the universally well-known Who
ing people to embrace every opportu-
Wants To Be A Millionaire? and the life of an Indian teen (Jamal) leading up to the
nity and essentially “say YES to life”.
final million dollar question. At the start of the film he is suspected of cheating and
From this moment on, he must embrace
is interrogated in a police station. Each time a question crops up, he explains how
the word “Yes” and agree to everything
he knew the answers using every detail of his life to explain. Beginning with his life
from spam emails to inappropriate re-
as a ‘slumdog’ in Mumbai, to pursuing the girl he loves.
quests from a neighbour, some of which
lead to a potentially disastrous twist!
What is interesting, at the moment, is how the public perceives the film as a
‘crowd-pleaser’ or a ‘feel good spectacle’. After seeing the film it is obviously half
This simple but extremely humorous ad-
the truth, especially in the first third of the film, which deals (pretty uncomfortably)
aptation of Danny Wallace’s bestselling
with the grim realities of citywide poverty, corruption, and child abuse. However,
book, directed by Peyton Reed, is, al-
the rags-to-riches climax is one to rejoice and that is what a major audience will
though predictable, highly entertaining.
want to remember this by (along with the last-minute dance number).
Whilst embracing a ‘Yes’ life Carl
I am not sure it’s a great film though. The ferocious editing and the camerawork
starts dating Allison (Zooey Deschanel – Failure to Launch), a quirky,
capture the downtrodden beauty of the city. The aerial shots of slums and hand-
care-free woman of many hobbies. But despite both actors’ talents the
held camerawork of two children running through labyrinths are just a few visual
on screen chemistry between them is weak and therefore their con-
marvels. On the other hand, the narrative is puzzling and it’s not that the ending
nection feels unconvincing. Deschanel is clearly younger than Carey
feels out of place. The first half is credible. The second half feels as if there is a
and as a result they do not look compatible as an onscreen couple.
little smattering of clichés (the gangster sub-plot) that feel a bit out of place.
Other supporting actors include Bradley Cooper (Failure to Launch)
If you like, it is a film that has two layers. One, a gritty layer of social realism and
and a spectacular performance by Rhys Darby, who plays Carl’s
the other is a dazzling melodrama of romance. To be honest, I don’t know which
crazy, Harry Potter obsessed boss, who on many occasions al-
one topples the other. The first layer works the best; the other layer is what pulls
most steals the film with his total obliviousness of how silly he is.
the film down a bit. This inconsistency is what deters this film from achieving
greatness in my opinion.
Although not his best film, Carey’s performance does not fall short of brilliant,
once again opposite a highly talented array of supporting actors. Audiences
Having said that, it is a thrilling ride and most of it works to a certain extent. Im-
can expect many laughs from this new upbeat Rom-Com that all ages can enjoy.
portantly, one has to admire Danny Boyle for taking on a story that is full of grim
realities, but one that has a spark on the surface. The director makes sure we pull
through. Sara Hadfield

3/5 3/5

The Dark Knight (12A)

What is probably the most raved film of
the year is, in my opinion, the most baf-
flingly overrated. Strong words you would
agree, but it has puzzled me why on earth
there have been five stars from almost
universally every review I’ve seen. To add
insult to injury, it has also been ranked as
one of the ‘Best Films of 2008’. There’s no
escaping the film, it’s the second highest
grossing film to date and it’s set to be the
fastest selling DVD. I know I shouldn’t, but
it does bother me when even the avid film
viewer is falling over The Dark Knight.
I had the privilege to attend one of the
opening screenings in the U.K., anticipat-
ing, as everyone was, seeing a Batman
film that upped the game of the previous
one, Batman Begins. It took me two more
screenings of The Dark Knight to make
sure I got it right, and each time it was the
same result: The Dark Knight has flaws.
I’ll start with what was good, and that is
the main star of the show being Wally
Pfister’s cinematography, which is stun-
ning. Cameras placed on top of tall build-
ings so that even I felt a sense of acro-
phobia, and chase sequences that are
epically crafted.
Heath Ledger is of course really good as a
menacing, anarchic, raw interpretation of
the Joker. However, may I point out Gary
Oldman, who has the best performance
in this film and just shows how great an
actor he is. He never undermines the rest
of the cast, but you feel for his character
as a dutiful simpleton between all the
chaos going on around him.
Here are the problems with the film, and
it is mainly the narrative. It feels like the
ideas are all there, but the narrative is
in desperate need of revision if it is to
achieve a smoothed surface, and that’s
only step one. The other problem is that it
is a film that tries to bring up all the moral
philosophies it can at every turn, in which
the writers are constantly nagging us that
it’s dark and different.
I also must point out that the Harvey Dent
character is one character too many and
I know it’s a shame, but it is a film which
tries too hard to tie all these different plot
strands together. Although I know Harvey
Dent is an important character, it slows
things down and in the end is only a char-
acter that contributes to the film’s moral
high ground.
I probably shouldn’t moan that much be-
cause every time I watch it I am in awe
of the breathtaking visuals on-screen and
its epic qualities. On that note, Blu-Ray
is essential if you want to watch this. De-
spite that, there is little to justify it as a
‘modern masterpiece’. For a film that is
a huge box office hit, it’s not a concept
film, it’s a film with dense ideas, but I al-
ways keep asking myself; why isn’t it hit-
ting me? And that’s the main problem. It’s
over-Iong and it’s a film that desperately
tries to take a big slice of the cake, but
like all these ambitious films it needs to
chew before it can swallow. I know this
film has worked for some, but structurally
and emotionally, Batman Begins is still, to
this date, the best Batman film.
Ollie Sim
3/5
29
Successful Semester for Surrey Water Polo
U -Polo is the brand new Water Polo League running for the first time this
academic year. The aim of U-Polo is for university water polo teams
to compete in more matches throughout the year, because, unlike many
other standard university sports, the official BUCS competition does not
provide a large number of regular matches for teams. Since entering
this league, both the men and women’s teams have had more frequent
matches and already more than doubled the quantity of matches of
previous years!
The women are currently positioned 3rd within their group below strong
teams Cambridge and Imperial. Surrey started off the semester against
previous BUCS winners Cambridge and, with little match experience
from new players, were defeated 16-2. This was shortly followed by a
match versus Essex, pulling back with an amazing 20-3 win and a draw
against Kings. In the most recent match versus Imperial, who look set to
win the group, the team suffered a 6-0 loss. However extensive research
showed that Cambridge lost against Imperial 9-7; Cambridge conceded
more goals than Surrey! This clearly identifies the pure strength of
Surrey’s defence. Since then the team have been practising attacking triumphant 3 place, ahead of local teams Crawley and Basingstoke.
rd

and now eagerly await the return match against Cambridge this spring. Charter House took the winning title.This positive start looks set to
Overall Surrey are hoping to finish 2nd! continue into 2009 and with many more matches arranged, hard work
by Committee members, a referee course, socials, and the teams
Unfortunately we’ve had to say a fond farewell to two of our top female attempting to keep up their fitness levels over the Christmas period,
post-grad students, losing them to internships starting in 2009. Both Surrey Water Polo and Swimming looks as though it’s on its way up! If
the girls will be sorely missed by fellow team mates!The men’s team you are interested in giving water polo or swimming a go, please find us
has had tough competition in their U-Polo league but aim to finish above at the Refreshers’ Fayre on the 30th January! We are always keen to see
both Essex and UEA while also attempting to finish with more points in fresh faces at training and join our teams.
the U-Polo competition than the women! They have also competed in an
annual tournament at Charter House School and finished in a

EXCITING 2009 AHEAD FOR MEN’S FOOTBALL

CLUB!
By Jon Creswick
The University of Surrey Men’s F.C. have enjoyed a very successful
first half of the 2008/09 season. At just past the half way point of
the campaign all of the Club’s sides remain in serious contention for
league titles and silverware.
In BUCS (British Universities & Colleges Sports) the Third Team and
Fourth Team have been leading the way for Surrey. The 4’s and 3’s
are currently ranked first and second in the University of Surrey BUCS
Team Rankings, out of twenty-four Surrey teams across various sports.
The Fourth Team are top of the rankings and have so far recorded five
wins and one defeat in BUCS, leaving them top of their division by
five points. The Third Team, have done equally as well and have three fourteen games. The 2’s have taken their league form into the Cup,
wins from four games played. Both the 3’s and 4’s also progressed to reaching the quarter final of the Surrey Intermediate Reserve Cup.
the Third Round of the BUCS Cup, knocking out University sides from
This season has also seen the creation of a Fifth Team who currently
higher divisions on the way.
remain unbeaten in the UniSport Social 11 League. The Club has also
Although they have struggled somewhat in BUCS the First Team and ventured into Futsal, a South American influenced 5 a-side version of
Second Team have both settled well into the Surrey Intermediate the beautiful game. The Futsal Team have been an instant success
League after promotion last season. The First Team sit fourth in and won the first ever UniSport Futsal Tournament back in December.
their division and have only lost one of their eleven league games to All teams will be looking to build on a great first half of the season and
date. The First Team have also progressed to the Fourth Round of the equal, or even improve on, the tally of two trophies won by the Club
Surrey FA County Cup, and will play Bletchingley in the last sixteen. last season.
The Second Team lie second in their Division with eleven victories in

30
 Success For Surrey Short
By Joe Stather Course Swimmers
Swimming Weekend 14th-16th November 2008. Quiet Turk, Yigit also competed in the 50m Freestyle achieving a first-rate
time as other universities began to stand back and deliberate over the surprise

P onds Forge Olympic Swimming Pool, Sheffield, this week proved to

be a magnificent setting and passionate host to the most prestigious
swimming event in the University Calendar.
Surrey package responsible for a number of result upsets.

The final event of Saturday saw the fatigued men and women teams battling
it out in the 200m IM relays. Regardless of sleep deprivation, the intense
Eight Surrey hopefuls travelled over 300 miles by rail through rural heat on poolside and muscular exhaustion, both teams put everything into
England to the industrial northern city for the BUCS short course swimming their efforts and the rewards came frivolously with a pair of incredibly good
Championships. This was the first time the University of Surrey had been times, high finishes and positive vibes on which to end a successful day of
represented in such a high profile swimming. One highlighted performance
event and expectations were mixed of the relays was the majestic men’s
heading into Friday night’s opening third split swum by Richard Wood. Rich, a
session. local Surrey boy, swum his way to a huge
personal and seasons best, bettering the
Both men’s and women’s relay teams position on his way.
teams competed in the competitions
opening couple of hours in the 200m A hearty evening meal and good
Freestyle Relay, smashing standing breakfast replenished lost energy and
Surrey records and finishing ahead fuelled the team for the final session on
of Essex and Brighton Universities to Sunday morning. Warm up was again at
name a few. 8.00am and there were no doubts that
the confident Surrey team would strike
However the success looked short again with further electric performances.
lived as a wintry, northern Saturday Katie Foster, the highly influential and well
morning broke presenting Nick respected women’s captain was to feature
Russell struggling a with a reoccurring in the Universities individual line up, also
injury to the knee and Yigit Guven adding to the teams brimming optimism.
looked doubtful having been plagued
through the night with a ‘tickly It was then little surprise when Katie
cough’. However the men’s fighting swum the 100m Freestyle fantastically in
and determined Surrey spirits, along front of yet another capacity crowd at the
with encouragement from their team 4 members of the team: Laura Wallis, Liz Lemm, Joe Stather and Richard Wood stadium pool. Having put in two stunning
mates pulled them through any pain and previous performances in the Women’s
distress. relay teams, Laura Wallis also competed in the same event sprinting home to
immense time.
Warm up began at 8.00am allowing the swimmers to get a feel for their
strokes, practice turns and ease tension before the individual campaign Nicholas Russell carried through his astounding form into the final day,
began. Surrey’s Sprint Specialist; Rich Wood commented ‘Although cold, putting in a fine performance in the 50m Butterfly and Katie Foster ended
there were good times to be had in the illustrious Sheffield pool.’ Surrey’s crusade with an astounding endeavour to finish on a high in which
she succeeded in the 100m Backstroke.
Liz Lemm then proved him right as she stormed to a staggering 11 second
personal best in the 200m Freestyle, blowing away a large proportion on the Despite a transportational nightmare courtesy of East Midland Trains on
highly competitive field. Team Yigit managed to cough away the cobwebs as the return journey, the weekend proved to be a breakthrough for University
he also flew through the same event shaving seconds off his personal best. of Surrey swimming and has established a positive perception of the team
due to their poolside etiquette, team spirit and most importantly; swimming
Ecstatic by the teams flying start, Men’s captain; Joe Stather lead by example ability.
in the 50m Breastroke setting a seasons best and coming dangerously close
to the BUCS record. Nick Russell also competed in the same event swimming The team were given a hero’s welcome on return to Guilford from the
his way to a very commendable time including a dive into the pool which set Swimming/Water polo committee and all associated with the clubs. Chair of
spectators in awe, all despite his crippled knee. the Social Executive Committee; Barney Fox said, ‘It’s a victory for all.’
Nick, an avid Cardiff City Football Club Fan expressed: ‘It was super to be Preparation has already began for the Long Course championships due to
swimming in the same competition as fellow Welshman, Olympian and City take place in February, the squad are under an intense training regime in
Fan; David Davies.’ order to equal or better their performances and would like to thank all involved
in organising the event and for all the support. If you are a keen swimmer or
Surrey’s fiery team member and Chair, Clare McCartney was up next in the interested in water polo then don’t hesitate in finding us at the Refreshers’
Women’s 50m Breastroke. Determined to get her name and university at the Fayre in January for more information.
top of the electronic scoreboard, Clare pulled out a blistering performance
burning a considerable amount off her personal best.
Email us with your sports
‘Captain Stather’ was soon in action again in the 50m Backstroke and
Freestyle. The Yorkshireman didn’t fail to perform finishing highly and adding
to Surrey’s onslaught.
updates at

sportsdeskstag@gmail.com 31
 Happy New Year from all of us
here at The Stag

Pick up your next copy soon!

32