The Outsiders

By S. E. HINTON



Chapter 1

WHEN I STEPPED OUT into the bright sunlight from the
darkness of the movie house, I had only two things on my mind: Paul
Newman and a ride home. I was wishing I looked like Paul Newman
he looks tough and I don'tbut I guess my own looks aren't so bad. I
have light-brown, almost-red hair and greenish-gray eyes. I wish they
were more gray, because I hate most guys that have green eyes, but I
have to be content with what I have. y hair is longer than a lot of
boys wear theirs, s!uared off in back and long at the front and sides,
but I am a greaser and most of my neighborhood rarely bothers to get
a haircut. "esides, I look better with long hair.
I had a long walk home and no com#any, but I usually lone it
anyway, for no reason e$ce#t that I like to watch movies undisturbed
so I can get into them and live them with the actors. %hen I see a
movie with someone it's kind of uncomfortable, like having someone
read your book over your shoulder. I'm different that way. I mean, my
second-oldest brother, &oda, who is si$teen-going-on-seventeen,
never cracks a book at all, and my oldest brother, 'arrel, who we call
'arry, works too long and hard to be interested in a story or drawing
a #icture, so I'm not like them. (nd nobody in our gang digs movies
and books the way I do. )or a while there, I thought I was the only
#erson in the world that did. &o I loned it.
&oda tries to understand, at least, which is more than 'arry
does. "ut then, &oda is different from anybody* he understands
everything, almost. +ike he's never hollering at me all the time the
way 'arry is, or treating me as if I was si$ instead of fourteen. I love
&oda more than I've ever loved anyone, even om and 'ad. ,e's
always ha##y-go-lucky and grinning, while 'arry's hard and firm and
rarely grins at all. "ut then, 'arry's gone through a lot in his twenty
years, grown u# too fast. &oda#o#'ll never grow u# at all. I don't know
which way's the best. I'll find out one of these days.
(nyway, I went on walking home, thinking about the movie,
and then suddenly wishing I had some com#any. -reasers can't walk
alone too much or they'll get .um#ed, or someone will come by and
scream /-reaser0/ at them, which doesn't make you feel too hot, if
you know what I mean. %e get .um#ed by the &ocs. I'm not sure how
you s#ell it, but it's the abbreviation for the &ocials, the .et set, the
%est-side rich kids. It's like the term /greaser,/ which is used to class
all us boys on the 1ast &ide.
%e're #oorer than the &ocs and the middle class. I reckon we're
wilder, too. Not like the &ocs, who .um# greasers and wreck houses
and throw beer blasts for kicks, and get editorials in the #a#er for
being a #ublic disgrace one day and an asset to society the ne$t.
-reasers are almost like hoods* we steal things and drive old sou#ed-
u# cars and hold u# gas stations and have a gang fight once in a while.
I don't mean I do things like that. 'arry would kill me if I got into
trouble with the #olice. &ince om and 'ad were killed in an auto
wreck, the three of us get to stay together only as long as we behave.
&o &oda and I stay out of trouble as much as we can, and we're careful
not to get caught when we can't. I only mean that most greasers do
things like that, .ust like we wear our hair long and dress in blue .eans
and 2-shirts, or leave our shirttails out and wear leather .ackets and
tennis shoes or boots. I'm not saying that either &ocs or greasers are
better* that's .ust the way things are.
I could have waited to go to the movies until 'arry or &oda#o#
got off work. 2hey would have gone with me, or driven me there, or
walked along, although &oda .ust can't sit still long enough to en.oy a
movie and they bore 'arry to death. 'arry thinks his life is enough
without ins#ecting other #eo#le's. 3r I could have gotten one of the
gang to come along, one of the four boys 'arry and &oda and I have
grown u# with and consider family. %e're almost as close as brothers*
when you grow u# in a tight-knit neighborhood like ours you get to
know each other real well. If I had thought about it, I could have
called 'arry and he would have come by on his way home and #icked
me u#, or 2wo-"it athewsone of our gangwould have come to
get me in his car if I had asked him, but sometimes I .ust don't use my
head. It drives my brother 'arry nuts when I do stuff like that, 'cause
I'm su##osed to be smart* I make good grades and have a high I4 and
everything, but I don't use my head. "esides, I like walking.
I about decided I didn't like it so much, though, when I s#otted
that red 5orvair trailing me. I was almost two blocks from home then,
so I started walking a little faster. I had never been .um#ed, but I had
seen 6ohnny after four &ocs got hold of him, and it wasn't #retty.
6ohnny was scared of his own shadow after that. 6ohnny was si$teen
then.
I knew it wasn't any use thoughthe fast walking, I meaneven
before the 5orvair #ulled u# beside me and five &ocs got out. I got
#retty scaredI'm kind of small for fourteen even though I have a
good build, and those guys were bigger than me. I automatically
hitched my thumbs in my .eans and slouched, wondering if I could
get away if I made a break for it. I remembered 6ohnnyhis face all
cut u# and bruised, and I remembered how he had cried when we
found him, half-conscious, in the corner lot. 6ohnny had it awful
rough at homeit took a lot to make him cry.
I was sweating something fierce, although I was cold. I could
feel my #alms getting clammy and the #ers#iration running down my
back. I get like that when I'm real scared. I glanced around for a #o#
bottle or a stick or something&teve 7andle, &oda's best buddy, had
once held off four guys with a busted #o# bottlebut there was
nothing. &o I stood there like a bum# on a log while they surrounded
me. I don't use my head. 2hey walked around slowly, silently, smiling.
/,ey, grease,/ one said in an over-friendly voice. /%e're gonna
do you a favor, greaser. %e're gonna cut all that long greasy hair off./
,e had on a madras shirt. I can still see it. "lue madras. 3ne of
them laughed, then cussed me out in a low voice. I couldn't think of
anything to say. 2here .ust isn't a whole lot you can say while waiting
to get mugged, so I ke#t my mouth shut.
/Need a haircut, greaser8/ 2he medium-si9ed blond #ulled a
knife out of his back #ocket and fli##ed the blade o#en.
I finally thought of something to say. /No./ I was backing u#,
away from that knife. 3f course I backed right into one of them. 2hey
had me down in a second. 2hey had my arms and legs #inned down
and one of them was sitting on my chest with his knees on my elbows,
and if you don't think that hurts, you're cra9y. I could smell 1nglish
+eather shaving lotion and stale tobacco, and I wondered foolishly if I
would suffocate before they did anything. I was scared so bad I was
wishing I would. I fought to get loose, and almost did for a second*
then they tightened u# on me and the one on my chest slugged me a
cou#le of times. &o I lay still, swearing at them between gas#s. (
blade was held against my throat.
/,ow'd you like that haircut to begin .ust below the chin8/
It occurred to me then that they could kill me. I went wild. I
started screaming for &oda, 'arry, anyone. &omeone #ut his hand
over my mouth, and I bit it as hard as I could, tasting the blood
running through my teeth. I heard a muttered curse and got slugged
again, and they were stuffing a handkerchief in my mouth. 3ne of
them ke#t saying, /&hut him u#, for Pete's sake, shut him u#0/
2hen there were shouts and the #ounding of feet, and the &ocs
.um#ed u# and left me lying there, gas#ing. I lay there and wondered
what in the world was ha##ening#eo#le were .um#ing over me and
running by me and I was too da9ed to figure it out. 2hen someone had
me under the arm#its and was hauling me to my feet. It was 'arry.
/(re you all right, Ponyboy8/
,e was shaking me and I wished he'd sto#. I was di99y enough
anyway. I could tell it was 'arry though#artly because of the voice
and #artly because 'arry's always rough with me without meaning to
be.
/I'm okay. 4uit shaking me, 'arry, I'm okay./
,e sto##ed instantly. /I'm sorry./
,e wasn't really. 'arry isn't ever sorry for anything he does. It
seems funny to me that he should look .ust e$actly like my father and
act e$actly the o##osite from him. y father was only forty when he
died and he looked twenty-five and a lot of #eo#le thought 'arry and
'ad were brothers instead of father and son. "ut they only looked
alikemy father was never rough with anyone without meaning to be.
'arry is si$-feet-two, and broad-shouldered and muscular. ,e
has dark-brown hair that kicks out in front and a slight cowlick in the
back.ust like 'ad'sbut 'arry's eyes are his own. ,e's got eyes that
are like two #ieces of #ale blue-green ice. 2hey've got a determined set
to them, like the rest of him. ,e looks older than twentytough, cool,
and smart. ,e would be real handsome if his eyes weren't so cold. ,e
doesn't understand anything that is not #lain hard fact. "ut he uses
his head.
I sat down again, rubbing my cheek where I'd been slugged the
most.
'arry .ammed his fists in his #ockets. /2hey didn't hurt you too
bad, did they8/
2hey did. I was smarting and aching and my chest was sore and
I was so nervous my hands were shaking and I wanted to start
bawling, but you .ust don't say that to 'arry.
/I'm okay./
&oda#o# came lo#ing back. "y then I had figured that all the
noise I had heard was the gang coming to rescue me. ,e dro##ed
down beside me, e$amining my head.
/:ou got cut u# a little, huh, Ponyboy8/
I only looked at him blankly. /I did8/
,e #ulled out a handkerchief, wet the end of it with his tongue,
and #ressed it gently against the side of my head. /:ou're bleedin' like
a stuck #ig./
/I am8/
/+ook0/ ,e showed me the handkerchief, reddened as if by
magic. /'id they #ull a blade on you8/
I remembered the voice: /Need a haircut, greaser8/ 2he blade
must have sli##ed while he was trying to shut me u#. /:eah./
&oda is handsomer than anyone else I know. Not like 'arry
&oda's movie-star kind of handsome, the kind that #eo#le sto# on the
street to watch go by. ,e's not as tall as 'arry, and he's a little
slimmer, but he has a finely drawn, sensitive face that somehow
manages to be reckless and thoughtful at the same time. ,e's got
dark-gold hair that he combs backlong and silky and straightand
in the summer the sun bleaches it to a shining wheat gold. ,is eyes
are dark brownlively, dancing, recklessly laughing eyes that can be
gentle and sym#athetic one moment and bla9ing with anger the ne$t.
,e has 'ad's eyes, but &oda is one of a kind. ,e can get drunk in a
drag race or dancing without ever getting near alcohol. In our
neighborhood it's rare to find a kid who doesn't drink once in a while.
"ut &oda never touches a dro#he doesn't need to. ,e gets drunk on
.ust #lain living. (nd he understands everybody.
,e looked at me more closely. I looked away hurriedly, because,
if you want to know the truth, I was starting to bawl. I knew I was as
white as I felt and I was shaking like a leaf.
&oda .ust #ut his hand on my shoulder. /1asy, Ponyboy. 2hey
ain't gonna hurt you no more./
/I know,/ I said, but the ground began to blur and I felt hot
tears running down my cheeks. I brushed them away im#atiently.
/I'm .ust a little s#ooked, that's all./ I drew a !uivering breath and
!uit crying. :ou .ust don't cry in front of 'arry. Not unless you're hurt
like 6ohnny had been that day we found him in the vacant lot.
5om#ared to 6ohnny I wasn't hurt at all.
&oda rubbed my hair. /:ou're an okay kid, Pony./
I had to grin at him&oda can make you grin no matter what. I
guess it's because he's always grinning so much himself. /:ou're
cra9y, &oda, out of your mind./
'arry looked as if he'd like to knock our heads together. /:ou're
both nuts./
&oda merely cocked one eyebrow, a trick he'd #icked u# from
2wo-"it. /It seems to run in this family./
'arry stared at him for a second, then cracked a grin. &oda#o#
isn't afraid of him like everyone else and en.oys teasing him. I'd .ust
as soon tease a full-grown gri99ly* but for some reason, 'arry seems
to like being teased by &oda.
3ur gang had chased the &ocs to their car and heaved rocks at
them. 2hey came running toward us nowfour lean, hard guys. 2hey
were all as tough as nails and looked it. l had grown u# with them,
and they acce#ted me, even though I was younger, because I was
'arry and &oda's kid brother and I ke#t my mouth shut good.
&teve 7andle was seventeen, tall and lean, with thick greasy hair
he ke#t combed in com#licated swirls. ,e was tacky, smart, and
&oda's best buddy since grade school. &teve's s#ecialty was cars. ,e
could lift a hubca# !uicker and more !uietly than anyone in the
neighborhood, but he also knew cars u#side-down and backward, and
he could drive anything on wheels. ,e and &oda worked at the same
gas station&teve #art time and &oda full timeand their station got
more customers than any other in town. %hether that was because
&teve was so good with cars or because &oda attracted girls like honey
draws flies, I couldn't tell you. I liked &teve only because he was
&oda's best friend. ,e didn't like mehe thought I was a tag-along
and a kid* &oda always took me with them when they went #laces if
they weren't taking girls, and that bugged &teve. It wasn't my fault*
&oda always asked me* I didn't ask him. &oda doesn't think I'm a kid.
2wo-"it athews was the oldest of the gang and the
wisecracker of the bunch. ,e was about si$ feet tall, stocky in build,
and very #roud of his long rusty-colored sideburns. ,e had gray eyes
and a wide grin, and he couldn't sto# making funny remarks to save
his life. :ou couldn't shut u# that guy* he always had to get his two-
bits worth in. ,ence his name. 1ven his teachers forgot his real name
was ;eith, and we hardly remembered he had one. +ife was one big
.oke to 2wo-"it. ,e was famous for sho#lifting and his black-handled
switchblade <which he couldn't have ac!uired without his first talent=,
and he was always smarting off to the co#s. ,e really couldn't hel# it.
1verything he said was so irresistibly funny that he .ust had to let the
#olice in on it to brighten u# their dull lives. <2hat's the way he
e$#lained it to me.= ,e liked fights, blondes, and for some
unfathomable reason, school. ,e was still a .unior at eighteen and a
half and he never learned anything. ,e .ust went for kicks. I liked him
real well because he ke#t us laughing at ourselves as well as at other
things. ,e reminded me of %ill 7ogersmaybe it was the grin.
If I had to #ick the real character of the gang, it would be 'allas
%inston'ally. I used to like to draw his #icture when he was in a
dangerous mood, for then I could get his #ersonality down in a few
lines. ,e had an elfish face, with high cheekbones and a #ointed chin,
small, shar# animal teeth, and ears like a lyn$. ,is hair was almost
white it was so blond, and he didn't like haircuts, or hair oil either, so
it fell over his forehead in wis#s and kicked out in the back in tufts
and curled behind his ears and along the na#e of his neck. ,is eyes
were blue, bla9ing ice, cold with a hatred of the whole world. 'ally
had s#ent three years on the wild side of New :ork and had been
arrested at the age of ten. ,e was tougher than the rest of us
tougher, colder, meaner. 2he shade of difference that se#arates a
greaser from a hood wasn't #resent in 'ally. ,e was as wild as the
boys in the downtown outfits, like 2im &he#ard's gang.
In New :ork, 'ally blew off steam in gang fights, but here,
organi9ed gangs are raritiesthere are .ust small bunches of friends
who stick together, and the warfare is between the social classes. (
rumble, when it's called, is usually born of a grudge fight, and the
o##onents .ust ha##en to bring their friends along. 3h, there are a
few named gangs around, like the 7iver ;ings and the 2iber &treet
2igers, but here in the &outhwest there's no gang rivalry. &o 'ally,
even though he could get into a good fight sometimes, had no s#ecific
thing to hate. No rival gang. 3nly &ocs. (nd you can't win against
them no matter how hard you try, because they've got all the breaks
and even whi##ing them isn't going to change that fact. aybe that
was why 'allas was so bitter.
,e had !uite a re#utation. 2hey have a file on him down at the
#olice station. ,e had been arrested, he got drunk, he rode in rodeos,
lied, cheated, stole, rolled drunks, .um#ed small kidshe did
everything. I didn't like him, but he was smart and you had to res#ect
him.
6ohnny 5ade was last and least. If you can #icture a little dark
#u##y that has been kicked too many times and is lost in a crowd of
strangers, you'll have 6ohnny. ,e was the youngest, ne$t to me,
smaller than the rest, with a slight build. ,e had big black eyes in a
dark tanned face* his hair was .et-black and heavily greased and
combed to the side, but it was so long that it fell in shaggy bangs
across his forehead. ,e had a nervous, sus#icious look in his eyes,
and that beating he got from the &ocs didn't hel# matters. ,e was the
gang's #et, everyone's kid brother. ,is father was always beating him
u#, and his mother ignored him, e$ce#t when she was hacked off at
something, and then you could hear her yelling at him clear down at
our house. I think he hated that worse than getting whi##ed. ,e
would have run away a million times if we hadn't been there. If it
hadn't been for the gang, 6ohnny would never have known what love
and affection are.
I wi#ed my eyes hurriedly. /'idya catch 'em8/
/Nu#. 2hey got away this time, the dirty.../ 2wo-"it went on
cheerfully, calling the &ocs every name he could think of or make u#.
/2he kid's okay8/
/I'm okay./ I tried to think of something to say. I'm usually
#retty !uiet around #eo#le, even the gang. I changed the sub.ect. /I
didn't know you were out of the cooler yet, 'ally./
/-ood behavior. -ot off early./ 'allas lit a cigarette and handed
it to 6ohnny. 1veryone sat down to have a smoke and rela$. ( smoke
always lessens the tension. I had !uit trembling and my color was
back. 2he cigarette was calming me down. 2wo-"it cocked an
eyebrow. /Nice-lookin' bruise you got there, kid./
I touched my cheek gingerly. /7eally8/
2wo-"it nodded sagely. /Nice cut, too. akes you look tough./
Tough and tuff are two different words. Tough is the same as
rough* tuff means cool, shar#like a tuff-looking ustang or a tuff
record. In our neighborhood both are com#liments.
&teve flicked his ashes at me. /%hat were you doin', walkin' by
your lonesome8/ +eave it to good old &teve to bring u# something like
that.
/I was comin' home from the movies. I didn't think.../
/:ou don't ever think,/ 'arry broke in, /not at home or
anywhere when it counts. :ou must think at school, with all those
good grades you bring home, and you've always got your nose in a
book, but do you ever use your head for common sense8 No sirree,
bub. (nd if you did have to go by yourself, you should have carried a
blade./
I .ust stared at the hole in the toe of my tennis shoe. e and
'arry .ust didn't dig each other. I never could #lease him. ,e would
have hollered at me for carrying a blade if I had carried one. If I
brought home B's, he wanted A's, and if I got A's, he wanted to make
sure they stayed A's. If I was #laying football, I should be in studying,
and if I was reading, I should be out #laying football. ,e never
hollered at &oda#o#not even when &oda dro##ed out of school or
got tickets for s#eeding. ,e .ust hollered at me.
&oda was glaring at him. /+eave my kid brother alone, you
hear8 It ain't his fault he likes to go to the movies, and it ain't his fault
the &ocs like to .um# us, and if he had been carrying a blade it would
have been a good e$cuse to cut him to ribbons./
&oda always takes u# for me.
'arry said im#atiently, /%hen I want my kid brother to tell me
what to do with my other kid brother, I'll ask youkid brother./ "ut
he laid off me. ,e always does when &oda#o# tells him to. ost of the
time.
/Ne$t time get one of us to go with you, Ponyboy,/ 2wo-"it said.
/(ny of us will./
/&#eakin' of movies/'ally yawned, fli##ing away his cigarette
butt/I'm walkin' over to the Nightly 'ouble tomorrow night.
(nybody want to come and hunt some action8/
&teve shook his head. /e and &oda are #ickin' u# 1vie and
&andy for the game./
,e didn't need to look at me the way he did right then. I wasn't
going to ask if I could come. I'd never tell &oda, because he really likes
&teve a lot, but sometimes I can't stand &teve 7andle. I mean it.
&ometimes I hate him.
'arry sighed, .ust like I knew he would. 'arry never had time to
do anything anymore. /I'm working tomorrow night./
'ally looked at the rest of us. /,ow about y'all8 2wo-"it8
6ohnnycake, you and Pony wanta come8/
/e and 6ohnny'll come,/ I said. I knew 6ohnny wouldn't o#en
his mouth unless he was forced to. /3kay, 'arry8/
/:eah, since it ain't a school night./ 'arry was real good about
letting me go #laces on the weekends. 3n school nights I could hardly
leave the house.
/I was #lannin' on getting boo9ed u# tomorrow night,/ 2wo-"it
said. /If I don't, I'll walk over and find y'all./
&teve was looking at 'ally's hand. ,is ring, which he had rolled
a drunk senior to get, was back on his finger. /:ou break u# with
&ylvia again8/
/:eah, and this time it's for good. 2hat little broad was two-
timin' me again while I was in .ail./
I thought of &ylvia and 1vie and &andy and 2wo-"it's many
blondes. 2hey were the only kind of girls that would look at us, I
thought. 2ough, loud girls who wore too much eye makeu# and
giggled and swore too much. I liked &oda's girl &andy .ust fine,
though. ,er hair was natural blond and her laugh was soft, like her
china-blue eyes. &he didn't have a real good home or anything and
was our kindgreaserbut she was a real nice girl. &till, lots of times
I wondered what other girls were like. 2he girls who were bright-eyed
and had their dresses a decent length and acted as if they'd like to s#it
on us if given a chance. &ome were afraid of us, and remembering
'allas %inston, I didn't blame them. "ut most looked at us like we
were dirtgave us the same kind of look that the &ocs did when they
came by in their ustangs and 5orvairs and yelled /-rease0/ at us. I
wondered about them. 2he girls, I mean... 'id they cry when their
boys were arrested, like 1vie did when &teve got hauled in, or did they
run out on them the way &ylvia did 'allas8 "ut maybe their boys
didn't get arrested or beaten u# or busted u# in rodeos.
I was still thinking about it while I was doing my homework
that night. I had to read Great Expectations for 1nglish, and that kid
Pi#, he reminded me of usthe way he felt marked lousy because he
wasn't a gentleman or anything, and the way that girl ke#t looking
down on him. 2hat ha##ened to me once. 3ne time in biology I had to
dissect a worm, and the ra9or wouldn't cut, so I used my switchblade.
2he minute I flicked it outI forgot what I was doing or I would never
have done itthis girl right beside me kind of gas#ed, and said, /2hey
are right. :ou are a hood./ 2hat didn't make me feel so hot. 2hese
were a lot of &ocs in that classI get #ut into ( classes because I'm
su##osed to be smartand most of them thought it was #retty funny.
I didn't, though. &he was a cute girl. &he looked real good in yellow.
%e deserve a lot of our trouble, I thought. 'allas deserves
everything he gets, and should get worse, if you want the truth. (nd
2wo-"ithe doesn't really want or need half the things he swi#es
from stores. ,e .ust thinks it's fun to swi#e everything that isn't
nailed down. I can understand why &oda#o# and &teve get into drag
races and fights so much, thoughboth of them have too much
energy, too much feeling, with no way to blow it off.
/7ub harder, &oda,/ I heard 'arry mumbling. /:ou're gonna
#ut me to slee#./
I looked through the door. &oda#o# was giving 'arry a back-
rub. 'arry is always #ulling muscles* he roofs houses and he's always
trying to carry two bundles of roofing u# the ladder. I knew &oda
would #ut him to slee#, because &oda can #ut about anyone out when
he sets his head to it. ,e thought 'arry worked too hard anyway. I
did, too.
'arry didn't deserve to work like an old man when he was only
twenty. ,e had been a real #o#ular guy in school* he was ca#tain of
the football team and he had been voted "oy of the :ear. "ut we .ust
didn't have the money for him to go to college, even with the athletic
scholarshi# he won. (nd now he didn't have time between .obs to
even think about college. &o he never went anywhere and never did
anything anymore, e$ce#t work out at gyms and go skiing with some
old friends of his sometimes.
I rubbed my cheek where it had turned #ur#le. I had looked in
the mirror, and it did make me look tough. "ut 'arry had made me
#ut a "and-(id on the cut.
I remembered how awful 6ohnny had looked when he got
beaten u#. I had .ust as much right to use the streets as the &ocs did,
and 6ohnny had never hurt them. %hy did the &ocs hate us so much8
%e left them alone. I nearly went to slee# over my homework trying
to figure it out.
&oda#o#, who had .um#ed into bed by this time, yelled slee#ily
for me to turn off the light and get to bed. %hen I finished the cha#ter
I was on, I did.
+ying beside &oda, staring at the wall, I ke#t remembering the
faces of the &ocs as they surrounded me, that blue madras shirt the
blond was wearing, and I could still hear a thick voice: /Need a
haircut, greaser8/ I shivered.
/:ou cold, Ponyboy8/
/( little*/ I lied. &oda threw one arm across my neck. ,e
mumbled something drowsily. /+isten, kiddo, when 'arry hollers at
you... he don't mean nothin'. ,e's .ust got more worries than
somebody his age ought to. 'on't take him serious... you dig, Pony8
'on't let him bug you. ,e's really #roud of you 'cause you're so
brainy. It's .ust because you're the babyI mean, he loves you a lot.
&avvy8/
/&ure,/ I said, trying for &oda's sake to kee# the sarcasm out of
my voice.
/&oda8/
/:eah8/
/,ow come you dro##ed out8/ I never have gotten over that. I
could hardly stand it when he left school.
/ '5ause I'm dumb. 2he only things I was #assing anyway were
auto mechanics and gym./
/:ou're not dumb./
/:eah, I am. &hut u# and I'll tell you something. 'on't tell
'arry, though./
/3kay./
/I think I'm gonna marry &andy. (fter she gets out of school and
I get a better .ob and everything. I might wait till you get out of
school, though. &o I can still hel# 'arry with the bills and stuff./
/2uff enough. %ait till I get out, though, so you can kee# 'arry
off my back./
/'on't be like that, kid. I told you he don't mean half of what he
says.../
/:ou in love with &andy8 %hat's it like8/
/,hhmmm./ ,e sighed ha##ily. /It's real nice./
In a moment his breathing was light and regular. I turned my
head to look at him and in the moonlight he looked like some -reek
god come to earth. I wondered how he could stand being so
handsome. 2hen I sighed. I didn't !uite get what he meant about
'arry. 'arry thought I was .ust another mouth to feed and somebody
to holler at. 'arry love me8 I thought of those hard, #ale eyes. &oda
was wrong for once, I thought. 'arry doesn't love anyone or anything,
e$ce#t maybe &oda. I didn't hardly think of him as being human. I
don't care, I lied to myself, I don't care about him either. &oda's
enough, and I'd have him until I got out of school. I don't care about
'arry. "ut I was still lying and I knew it. I lie to myself all the time.
"ut I never believe me.



Chapter 2

DALLY WAS WAITIN for 6ohnny and me under the street
light at the corner of Pickett and &utton, and since we got there early,
we had time to go over the drugstore in the sho##ing center and goof
around. %e bought 5okes and blew the straws at the waitress, and
walked around eyeing things that were lying out in the o#en until the
manager got wise to us and suggested we leave. ,e was too late,
though* 'ally walked out with two #ackages of ;ools under his .acket.
2hen we went across the street and down &utton a little way to
2he 'ingo. 2here are lots of drive-ins in townthe &ocs go to 2he
%ay 3ut and to 7usty's, and the greasers go to 2he 'ingo and to
6ay's. 2he 'ingo is a #retty rough hangout* there's always a fight
going on there and once a girl got shot. %e walked around talking to
all the greasers and hoods we knew, leaning in car windows or
ho##ing into the back seats, and getting in on who was running away,
and who was in .ail, and who was going with who, and who could
whi# who, and who stole what and when and why. %e knew about
everybody there. 2here was a #retty good fight while we were there
between a big twenty-three-year-old greaser and a e$ican
hitchhiker. %e left when the switchblades came out, because the co#s
would be coming soon and nobody in his right mind wants to be
around when the fu99 show.
%e crossed &utton and cut around behind &#encer's &#ecial, the
discount house, and chased two .unior-high kids across a field for a
few minutes* by then it was dark enough to sneak in over the back
fence of the Nightly 'ouble drive-in movie. It was the biggest in town,
and showed two movies every night, and on weekends fouryou
could say you were going to the Nightly 'ouble and have time to go
all over town.
%e all had the money to get init only costs a !uarter if you're
not in a carbut 'ally hated to do things the legal way. ,e liked to
show that he didn't care whether there was a law or not. ,e went
around trying to break laws. %e went to the rows of seats in front of
the concession stand to sit down. Nobody else was there e$ce#t two
girls who were sitting down front. 'ally eyed them coolly, then
walked down the aisle and sat right behind them. I had a sick feeling
that 'ally was u# to his usual tricks, and I was right. ,e started
talking, loud enough for the two girls to hear. ,e started out bad and
got worse. 'allas could talk awful dirty if he wanted to and I guess he
wanted to then. I felt my ears get hot. 2wo-"it or &teve or even &oda
would have gone right along with him, .ust to see if they could
embarrass the girls, but that kind of kicks .ust doesn't a##eal to me. I
sat there, struck dumb, and 6ohnny left hastily to get a 5oke.
I wouldn't have felt so embarrassed if they had been greasy girls
I might even have hel#ed old 'allas. "ut those two girls weren't our
kind. 2hey were tuff-looking girlsdressed shar# and really good-
looking. 2hey looked about si$teen or seventeen. 3ne had short dark
hair, and the other had long red hair. 2he redhead was getting mad,
or scared. &he sat u# straight and she was chewing hard on her gum.
2he other one #retended not to hear 'ally. 'ally was getting
im#atient. ,e #ut his feet u# on the back of the redhead's chair,
winked at me, and beat his own record for saying something dirty.
&he turned around and gave him a cool stare.
/2ake your feet off my chair and shut your tra#./
"oy, she was good-looking. I'd seen her before* she was a
cheerleader at our school. I'd always thought she was stuck-u#.
'ally merely looked at her and ke#t his feet where they were.
/%ho's gonna make me8/
2he other one fumed around and watched us. /2hat's the
greaser that .ockeys for the &lash 6 sometime,/ she said, as if we
couldn't hear her.
I had heard the same tone a million times: /-reaser... greaser...
greaser./ 3h yeah, I had heard that tone before too many times. %hat
are they doing at a drive-in without a car8 I thought, and 'allas said,
/I know you two. I've seen you around rodeos./
/It's a shame you can't ride bull half as good as you can talk it,/
the redhead said coolly and turned back around.
2hat didn't bother 'ally in the least. /:ou two barrel race,
huh8/
/:ou'd better leave us alone,/ the redhead said in a biting voice,
/or I'll call the co#s./
/3h, my, my/'ally looked bored/you've got me scared to
death. :ou ought to see my record sometime, baby./ ,e grinned slyly.
/-uess what I've been in for8/
/Please leave us alone,/ she said. /%hy don't you be nice and
leave us alone8/
'ally grinned roguishly. /I'm never nice. %ant a 5oke8/
&he was mad by then. /I wouldn't drink it if I was starving in the
desert. -et lost, hood0/
'ally merely shrugged and strolled off.
2he girl looked at me. I was half-scared of her. I'm half-scared
of all nice girls, es#ecially &ocs. /(re you going to start in on us8/
I shook my head, wide-eyed. /No./
&uddenly she smiled. -osh, she was #retty. /:ou don't look the
ty#e. %hat's your name8/
I wished she hadn't asked me that. I hate to tell #eo#le my name
for the first time. /Ponyboy 5urtis./
2hen I waited for the /:ou're kidding0/ or /2hat's your real
name8/ or one of the other remarks I usually get. Ponyboy's my real
name and #ersonally I like it.
2he redhead .ust smiled. /2hat's an original and lovely name./
/y dad was an original #erson,/ I said. /I've got a brother
named &oda#o#, and it says so on his birth certificate./
/y name's &herri, but I'm called 5herry because of my hair.
5herry >alance./
/I know,/ I said. /:ou're a cheerleader. %e go to the same
school./
/:ou don't look old enough to be going to high school,/ the
dark-haired girl said.
/I'm not. I got #ut u# a year in grade school./
5herry was looking at me. /%hat's a nice, smart kid like you
running around with trash like that for8/
I felt myself stiffen. /I'm a grease, same as 'ally. ,e's my
buddy./
/I'm sorry, Ponyboy,/ she said softly. 2hen she said briskly,
/:our brother &oda#o#, does he work at a gasoline station8 ( '?, I
think8/
/:eah./
/an, your brother is one doll. I might have guessed you were
brothersyou look alike./
I grinned with #rideI don't think I look one bit like &oda, but
it's not every day I hear &ocs telling me they think my brother is a
doll.
/'idn't he used to ride in rodeos8 &addle bronc8/
/:eah. 'ad made him !uit after he tore a ligament, though. %e
still hang around rodeos a lot. I've seen you two barrel race. :ou're
good./
/2hanks,/ 5herry said, and the other girl, who was named
arcia, said, /,ow come we don't see your brother at school8 ,e's
not any older than si$teen or seventeen, is he8/
I winced inside. I've told you I can't stand it that &oda dro##ed
out. /,e's a dro#out,/ I said roughly. /'ro#out/ made me think of
some #oor dumb-looking hoodlum wandering the streets breaking
out street lightsit didn't fit my ha##y-go-lucky brother at all. It
fitted 'ally #erfectly, but you could hardly say it about &oda.
6ohnny came back then and sat down beside me. ,e looked
around for 'ally, then managed a shy /,i/ to the girls and tried to
watch the movie. ,e was nervous, though. 6ohnny was always
nervous around strangers. 5herry looked at him, si9ing him u# as she
had me. 2hen she smiled softly, and I knew she had him si9ed u#
right.
'ally came striding back with an armful of 5okes. ,e handed
one to each of the girls and sat down beside 5herry. /2his might cool
you off./
&he gave him an incredulous look* and then she threw her 5oke
in his face. /2hat might cool you off, greaser. (fter you wash your
mouth and learn to talk and act decent, I might cool off, too./
'ally wi#ed the 5oke off his face with his sleeve and smiled
dangerously. If I had been 5herry I would have beat it out of there. I
knew that smile.
/)iery, huh8 %ell, that's the way I like 'em./ ,e started to #ut
his arm around her, but 6ohnny reached over and sto##ed him.
/+eave her alone, 'ally./
/,uh8/ 'ally was taken off guard. ,e stared at 6ohnny in
disbelief. 6ohnny couldn't say /"oo/ to a goose. 6ohnny gul#ed and
got a little #ale, but he said, /:ou heard me. +eave her alone./
'allas scowled for a second. If it had been me, or 2wo-"it, or
&oda or &teve, or anyone but 6ohnny, 'ally would have flattened him
without a moment's hesitation. :ou .ust didn't tell 'ally %inston
what to do. 3ne time, in a dime store, a guy told him to move over at
the candy counter. 'ally had turned around and belted him so hard it
knocked a tooth loose. ( com#lete stranger, too. "ut 6ohnny was the
gang's #et, and 'ally .ust couldn't hit him. ,e was 'ally's #et, too.
'ally got u# and stalked off, his fists .ammed in his #ockets and a
frown on his face. ,e didn't come back.
5herry sighed in relief. /2hanks. ,e had me scared to death./
6ohnny managed an admiring grin. /:ou sure didn't show it.
Nobody talks to 'ally like that./
&he smiled, /)rom what I saw, you do./
6ohnny's ears got red. I was still staring at him. It had taken
more than nerve for him to say what he'd said to 'ally6ohnny
worshi#ed the ground 'allas walked on, and I had never heard
6ohnny talk back to anyone, much less his hero.
arcia grinned at us. &he was a little smaller than 5herry. &he
was cute, but that 5herry >alance was a real looker. /:'all sit u# here
with us. :ou can #rotect us./
6ohnny and I looked at each other. ,e grinned suddenly,
raising his eyebrows so that they disa##eared under his bangs. %ould
we ever have something to tell the boys0 his eyes said #lainly. %e had
#icked u# two girls, and classy ones at that. Not any greasy broads for
us, but real &ocs. &oda would fli# when I told him.
/3kay,/ I said nonchalantly, /might as well./
I sat between them, and 6ohnny sat ne$t to 5herry.
/,ow old are y'all8/ arcia asked.
/)ourteen,/ I said.
/&i$teen,/ said 6ohnny.
'2hat's funny,/ arcia said, /I thought you were both.../
/&i$teen,/ 5herry finished for her.
I was grateful. 6ohnny looked fourteen and he knew it and it
bugged him something awful.
6ohnny grinned. /,ow come y'all ain't scared of us like you
were 'ally8/
5herry sighed. /:ou two are too sweet to scare anyone. )irst of
all, you didn't .oin in 'allas's dirty talk, and you made him leave us
alone. (nd when we asked you to sit u# here with us, you didn't act
like it was an invitation to make out for the night. "esides that, I've
heard about 'allas %inston, and he looked as hard as nails and twice
as tough. (nd you two don't look mean./
/&ure,/ I said tiredly, /we're young and innocent./
/No,/ 5herry said slowly, looking at me carefully, /not innocent.
:ou've seen too much to be innocent. 6ust not... dirty./
/'ally's okay,/ 6ohnny said defensively, and I nodded. :ou take
u# for your buddies, no matter what they do. %hen you're a gang, you
stick u# for the members. If you don't sticku# for them, stick together,
make like brothers, it isn't a gang any more. It's a #ack. ( snarling,
distrustful, bickering #ack like the &ocs in their social clubs or the
street gangs in New :ork or the wolves in the timber. /,e's tough, but
he's a cool old guy./
/,e'd leave you alone if he knew you,/ I said, and that was true.
%hen &teve's cousin from ;ansas came down, 'ally was decent to her
and watched his swearing. %e all did around nice girls who were the
cousinly ty#e. I don't know how to e$#lain itwe try to be nice to the
girls we see once in awhile, like cousins or the girls in class* but we
still watch a nice girl go by on a street corner and say all kinds of
lousy stuff about her. 'on't ask me why. I don't know why.
/%ell,/ arcia said with finality, /I'm glad he doesn't know us./
/I kind of admire him,/ 5herry said softly, so only I heard, and
then we settled down to watch the movie.
3h, yeah, we found out why they were without a car. 2hey'd
come with their boyfriends, but walked out on them when they found
out the boys had brought some boo9e along. 2he boys had gotten
angry and left.
/I don't care if they did./ 5herry sounded annoyed. /It's not my
idea of a good time to sit in a drive-in and watch #eo#le get drunk./
:ou could tell by the way she said it that her idea of a good time
was #robably, high-class, and #robably e$#ensive. 2hey'd decided to
stay and see the movie anyway. It was one of those beach-#arty
movies with no #lot and no acting but a lot of girls in bikinis and
some swinging songs, so it was all right. %e were all four sitting there
in silence when suddenly a strong hand came down on 6ohnny's
shoulder and another on mine and a dee# voice said, /3kay, greasers,
you've had it/
I almost .um#ed out of my skin. It was like having someone lea#
out from behind a door and yell /"oo0/ at you.
I looked fearfully over my shoulder and there was 2wo-"it,
grinning like a 5hessy cat. /-lory, 2wo-"it, scare us to death0/ ,e was
good at voice imitations and had sounded for all the world like a
snarling &oc. 2hen I looked at 6ohnny. ,is eyes were shut and he was
as white as a ghost. ,is breath was coming in smothered gas#s. 2wo-
"it knew better than to scare 6ohnny like that. I guess he'd forgotten.
,e's kind of scatterbrained. 6ohnny o#ened his eyes and said weakly,
/,ey, 2wo-"it./
2wo-"it messed u# his hair, /&orry, kid,/ he said, /I forgot./
,e climbed over the chair and #lo##ed down beside arcia.
/%ho's this, your great-aunts8/
/-reat-grandmothers, twice removed,/ 5herry said smoothly.
I couldn't tell if 2wo-"it was drunk or not. It's kind of hard to
tell with himhe acts boo9ed u# sometimes even when he's sober. ,e
cocked one eyebrow u# and the other down, which he always does
when something #u99les him, or bothers him, or when he feels like
saying something smart. /&hoot, you're ninety-si$ if you're a day./
/I'm a night,/ arcia said brightly.
2wo-"it stared at her admiringly. /"rother, you're a shar# one.
%here'd you two ever get to be #icked u# by a cou#le of greasy hoods
like Pony and 6ohnny8/
/%e really #icked them u#,/ arcia said. /%e're really (rabian
slave traders and we're thinking about shanghaiing them. 2hey're
worth ten camels a#iece at least./
/)ive,/ 2wo-"it disagreed. /2hey don't talk (rabian, I don't
think. &ay somethin' in (rabian, 6ohnnycake./
/(w, cut it out0/ 6ohnny broke in. /'ally was bothering them
and when he left they wanted us to sit with them to #rotect them.
(gainst wisecracking greasers like you, #robably./
2wo-"it grinned, because 6ohnny didn't usually get sassy like
that. %e thought we were doing good if we could get him to talk at all.
Incidentally, we don't mind being called greaser by another greaser.
It's kind of #layful then.
/,ey, where is of 'ally, anyways8/
/,e went hunting some actionboo9e or dames or a fight. I
ho#e he don't get .ailed again. ,e .ust got out/
/,e'll #robably find the fight,/ 2wo-"it stated cheerfully. /2hat's
why I came over. r. 2imothy &he#ard and 5o. are looking for
whoever so kindly slashed their car's tires, and since r. 5urly
&he#ard s#otted 'allas doing it... well... 'oes 'ally have a blade8/
/Not that I know of,/ I said. /I think he's got a #iece of #i#e, but
he busted his blade this morning./
/-ood. 2im'll fight fair if 'ally don't #ull a blade on him. 'ally
shouldn't have any trouble./
5herry and arcia were staring at us. /:ou don't believe in
#laying rough or anything, do you8/
/( fair fight isn't rough*/ 2wo-"it said. /"lades are rough. &o
are chains and heaters and #ool sticks and rumbles. &kin fighting isn't
rough. It blows off steam better than anything. 2here's nothing wrong
with throwing a few #unches. &ocs are rough. 2hey gang u# on one or
two, or they rumble each other with their social clubs. @s greasers
usually stick together, but when we do fight among ourselves, it's a
fair fight between two. (nd 'ally deserves whatever he gets, 'cause
slashed tires ain't no .oke when you've got to work to #ay for them. ,e
got s#otted, too, and that was his fault. 3ur one rule, besides &tick
together, is 'on't get caught. ,e might get beat u#, he might not.
1ither way there's not going to be any blood feud between our outfit
and &he#ard's, If we needed them tomorrow they'd show. If 2im beats
'ally's head in, and then tomorrow asks us for hel# in a rumble, we'll
show. 'ally was getting kicks. ,e got caught. ,e #ays u#. No sweat./
/:eah, boy,/ 5herry said sarcastically, /real sim#le./
/&ure,/ arcia said, unconcerned. /If he gets killed or
something, you .ust bury him. No sweat./
/:ou dig okay, baby./ 2wo-"it grinned and lit a cigarette.
/(nyone want a weed8/
I looked at 2wo-"it admiringly. ,e sure #ut things into words
good. aybe he was still a .unior at eighteen and a half, and maybe
his sideburns were too long, and maybe he did get boo9ed u# too
much, but he sure understood things.
5herry and arcia shook their heads at his offering of
cigarettes, but 6ohnny and I reached for one. 6ohnny's color was back
and his breathing was regular, but his hand was shaking ever so
slightly. ( cigarette would steady it.
/Ponyboy, will you come with me to get some #o#corn8/ 5herry
asked.
I .um#ed u#. /&ure. :'all want some8/
/I do,/ said arcia. &he was finishing the 5oke 'ally had given
her. I reali9ed then that arcia and 5herry weren't alike. 5herry had
said she wouldn't drink 'ally's 5oke if she was starving, and she
meant it. It was the #rinci#le of the thing. "ut arcia saw no reason
to throw away a #erfectly good, free 5oke.
/e too,/ said 2wo-"it. ,e fli##ed me a fifty cent #iece. /-et
6ohnny some, too. I'm buyin',/ he added as 6ohnny started to reach
into his .eans #ocket.
%e went to the concession stand and, as usual, there was a line
a mile long, so we had to wait. 4uite a few kids turned to look at us
you didn't see a kid grease and a &ocy cheerleader together often.
5herry didn't seem to notice.
/:our friendthe one with the sideburnshe's okay8/
/,e ain't dangerous like 'allas if that's what you mean. ,e's
okay./
&he smiled and her eyes showed that her mind was on
something else. /6ohnny... he's been hurt bad sometime, hasn't he8/
It was more of a statement than a !uestion. /,urt and scared./
/It was the &ocs,/ I said nervously, because there were #lenty of
&ocs milling around and some of them were giving me funny looks, as
if I shouldn't be with 5herry or something. (nd I don't like to talk
about it either6ohnny getting beat u#, I mean. "ut I started in,
talking a little faster than I usually do because I don't like to think
about it either.
IT WAS AL!OST four months ago. I had walked down to the
'? station to get a bottle of #o# and to see &teve and &oda, because
they'll always buy me a cou#le of bottles and let me hel# work on the
cars. I don't like to go on weekends because then there is usually a
bunch of girls down there flirting with &odaall kinds of girls, &ocs
too. I don't care too much for girls yet. &oda says I'll grow out of it. ,e
did.
It was a warmish s#ring day with the sun shining bright, but it
was getting chilly and dark by the time we started for home. %e were
walking because we had left &teve's car at the station. (t the corner of
our block there's a wide, o#en field where we #lay football and hang
out, and it's often a site for rumbles and fist fights. %e were #assing
it, kicking rocks down the street and finishing our last bottle of Pe#si,
when &teve noticed something lying on the ground. ,e #icked it u#. It
was 6ohnny's blue-.eans .acketthe only .acket he had.
/+ooks like 6ohnny forgot his .acket,/ &teve said, slinging it over
his shoulder to take it by 6ohnny's house. &uddenly he sto##ed and
e$amined it more carefully. 2here was a stain the color of rust across
the collar. ,e looked at the ground. 2here were some more stains on
the grass. ,e looked u# and across the field with a stricken e$#ression
on his face. I think we all heard the low moan and saw the dark
motionless hum# on the other side of the lot at the same time. &oda
reached him first. 6ohnny was lying face down on the ground. &oda
turned him over gently, and I nearly got sick. &omeone had beaten
him badly.
%e were used to seeing 6ohnny banged u#his father
clobbered him around a lot, and although it made us madder than
heck, we couldn't do anything about it. "ut those beatings had been
nothing like this. 6ohnny's face was cut u# and bruised and swollen,
and there was a wide gash from his tem#le to his cheekbone. ,e
would carry that scar all his life. ,is white 2-shirt was s#lattered with
blood. I .ust stood there, trembling with sudden cold. I thought he
might be dead* surely nobody could be beaten like that and live. &teve
closed his eyes for a second and muffled a groan as he dro##ed on his
knees beside &oda.
&omehow the gang sensed what had ha##ened. 2wo-"it was
suddenly there beside me, and for once his comical grin was gone and
his dancing gray eyes were stormy. 'arry had seen us from our #orch
and ran toward us, suddenly skidding to a halt. 'ally was there, too,
swearing under his breath, and turning away with a sick e$#ression
on his face. I wondered about it vaguely. 'ally had seen #eo#le killed
on the streets of New :ork's %est &ide. %hy did he look sick now8
/6ohnny8/ &oda lifted him u# and held him against his
shoulder. ,e gave the lim# body a slight shake. /,ey, 6ohnnycake./
6ohnny didn't o#en his eyes, but there came a soft !uestion.
/&oda8/
/:eah, it's me,/ &oda#o# said. /'on't talk. :ou're gonna be
okay./
/2here was a whole bunch of them,/ 6ohnny went on,
swallowing, ignoring &oda's command. /( blue ustang full... I got so
scared.../ ,e tried to swear, but suddenly started crying, fighting to
control himself, then sobbing all the more because he couldn't. I had
seen 6ohnny take a whi##ing with a two-by-four from his old man
and never let out a whim#er. 2hat made it worse to see him break
now. &oda .ust held him and #ushed 6ohnny's hair back out of his
eyes. /It's okay, 6ohnnycake, they're gone now. It's okay./
)inally, between sobs, 6ohnny managed to gas# out his story.
,e had been hunting our football to #ractice a few kicks when a blue
ustang had #ulled u# beside the lot. 2here were four &ocs in it. 2hey
had caught him and one of them had a lot of rings on his handthat's
what had cut 6ohnny u# so badly. It wasn't .ust that they had beaten
him half to deathhe could take that. 2hey had scared him. 2hey had
threatened him with everything under the sun. 6ohnny was high-
strung anyway, a nervous wreck from getting belted every time he
turned around and from hearing his #arents fight all the time. +iving
in those conditions might have turned someone else rebellious and
bitter* it was killing 6ohnny. ,e had never been a coward. ,e was a
good man in a rumble. ,e stuck u# for the gang and ke#t his mouth
shut good around co#s. "ut after the night of the beating, 6ohnny was
.um#ier than ever. I didn't think he'd ever get over it. 6ohnny never
walked by himself after that. (nd 6ohnny, who was the most law-
abiding of us, now carried in his back #ocket a si$-inch switchblade.
,e'd use it, too, if he ever got .um#ed again. 2hey had scared him that
much. ,e would kill the ne$t #erson who .um#ed him. Nobody was
ever going to beat him like that again. Not over his dead body...
I HAD NEA"LY forgotten that 5herry was listening to me.
"ut when I came back to reality and looked at her, I was startled to
find her as white as a sheet.
/(ll &ocs aren't like that,/ she said. /:ou have to believe me,
Ponyboy. Not all of us are like that./
/&ure,/ I said.
/2hat's like saying all you greasers are like 'allas %inston. I'll
bet he's .um#ed a few #eo#le./
I digested that. It was true. 'ally had .um#ed #eo#le. ,e had
told us stories about muggings in New :ork that made the hair on the
back of my neck stand u#. "ut not all of us were that bad.
5herry no longer looked sick, only sad. /I'll bet you think the
&ocs have it made. 2he rich kids, the %est-side &ocs. I'll tell you
something, Ponyboy, and it may come as a sur#rise. %e have troubles
you've never even heard of. :ou want to know something8/ &he
looked me straight in the eye. /2hings are rough all over./
/I believe you,/ I said. /%e'd better get back out there with the
#o#corn or 2wo-"it'll think I ran off with his money./
%e went back and watched the movie through again. arcia
and 2wo-"it were hitting it off fine. "oth had the same scatterbrained
sense of humor. "ut 5herry and 6ohnny and I .ust sat there, looking
at the movie and not talking. I !uit worrying about everything and
thought about how nice it was to sit with a girl without having to
listen to her swear or to beat her off with a club. I knew 6ohnny liked
it, too. ,e didn't talk to girls much. 3nce, while 'allas was in reform
school, &ylvia had started hanging on to 6ohnny and sweet talking
him and &teve got hold of her and told her if she tried any of her
tricks with 6ohnny he'd #ersonally beat the tar out of her. 2hen he
gave 6ohnny a lecture on girls and how a sneaking little broad like
&ylvia would get him into a lot of trouble. (s a result, 6ohnny never
s#oke to girls much, but whether that was because he was scared of
&teve or because he was shy, I couldn't tell.
I got the same lecture from 2wo-"it after we'd #icked u# a
cou#le of girls downtown one day. I thought it was funny, because
girls are one sub.ect even 'arry thinks I use my head about. (nd it
really had been funny, because 2wo-"it was half crocked when he
gave me the lecture, and he told me some stories that about made me
want to crawl under the floor or something. "ut he had been talking
about girls like &ylvia and the girls he and 'ally and the rest #icked
u# at drive-ins and downtown* he never said anything about &ocy
girls. &o I figured it was all right to be sitting there with them. 1ven if
they did have their own troubles. I really couldn't see what &ocs
would have to sweat aboutgood grades, good cars, good girls,
madras and ustangs and 5orvairsan, I thought, if I had worries
like that I'd consider myself lucky.
I know better now.



Chapter #

A$TE" THE !O%IE was over it suddenly came to us that
5herry and arcia didn't have a way to get home. 2wo-"it gallantly
offered to walk them homethe west side of town was only about
twenty miles awaybut they wanted to call their #arents and have
them come and get them. 2wo-"it finally talked them into letting us
drive them home in his car. I think they were still half-scared of us.
2hey were getting over it, though, as we walked to 2wo-"it's house to
#ick u# the car. It seemed funny to me that &ocsif these girls were
any e$am#lewere .ust like us. 2hey liked the "eatles and thought
1lvis Presley was out, and we thought the "eatles were rank and that
1lvis was tuff, but that seemed the only difference to me. 3f course
greasy girls would have acted a lot tougher, but there was a basic
sameness. I thought maybe it was money that se#arated us.
/No,/ 5herry said slowly when I said this. /It's not .ust money.
Part of it is, but not all. :ou greasers have a different set of values.
:ou're more emotional. %e're so#histicatedcool to the #oint of not
feeling anything. Nothing is real with us. :ou know, sometimes I'll
catch myself talking to a girl-friend, and reali9e I don't mean half of
what I'm saying. I don't really think a beer blast on the river bottom is
su#er-cool, but I'll rave about one to a girl-friend .ust to be saying
something./ &he smiled at me. /I never told anyone that. I think
you're the first #erson I've ever really gotten through to./
&he was coming through to me all right, #robably because I was
a greaser, and younger* she didn't have to kee# her guard u# with me.
/7at race is a #erfect name for it,/ she said. /%e're always going
and going and going, and never asking where. 'id you ever hear of
having more than you wanted8 &o that you couldn't want anything
else and then started looking for something else to want8 It seems like
we're always searching for something to satisfy us, and never finding
it. aybe if we could lose our cool, we could./
2hat was the truth. &ocs were always behind a wall of aloofness,
careful not to let their real selves show through. I had seen a social-
club rumble once. 2he &ocs even fought coldly and #ractically and
im#ersonally.
/2hat's why we're se#arated,/ I said. /It's not money, it's feeling
you don't feel anything and we feel too violently./
/(nd/she was trying to hide a smile/that's #robably why we
take turns getting our names in the #a#er./
2wo-"it and arcia weren't even listening to us. 2hey were
engaged in some wild conversation that made no sense to anyone but
themselves.
I have !uite a re# for being !uiet, almost as !uiet as 6ohnny.
2wo-"it always said he wondered why 6ohnny and I were such good
buddies. /:ou must make such interestin' conversation,/ he'd say,
cocking one eyebrow, /you kee#in' your mouth shut and 6ohnny not
sayin' anything./ "ut 6ohnny and I understood each other without
saying anything. Nobody but &oda could really get me talking. 2ill I
met 5herry >alance.
I don't know why I could talk to her* maybe for the same reason
she could talk to me. 2he first thing I knew I was telling her about
ickey ouse, &oda's horse. I had never told anyone about &oda's
horse. It was #ersonal.
&oda had this buckskin horse, only it wasn't his. It belonged to a
guy who ke#t it at the stables where &oda used to work. ickey
ouse was &oda's horse, though. 2he first day &oda saw him he said,
/2here's my horse,/ and I never doubted it. I was about ten then.
&oda#o# is horsecra9y. I mean it. ,e's always hanging around stables
and rodeos, ho##ing on a horse every time he gets a chance. %hen I
was ten I thought that ickey ouse and &oda looked alike and were
alike. ickey ouse was a dark-gold buckskin, sassy and ornery, not
much more than a colt. ,e'd come when &oda called him. ,e
wouldn't come for anyone else. 2hat horse loved &oda. ,e'd stand
there and chew on &oda's sleeve or collar. -osh, but &oda#o# was
cra9y about that horse. ,e went down to see him every day. ickey
ouse was a mean horse: ,e kicked other horses and was always
getting into trouble. /I've got me a ornery #ony,/ &oda'd tell him,
rubbing his neck. /,ow come you're so mean, ickey ouse8/
ickey ouse would .ust chew on his sleeve and sometimes ni# him.
"ut not hard. ,e may have belonged to another guy, but he was
&oda's horse.
/'oes &oda still have him8/ 5herry asked.
/,e got sold,/ I said. /2hey came and got him one day and took
him off. ,e was a real valuable horse. Pure !uarter./
&he didn't say anything else and I was glad. I couldn't tell her
that &oda had bawled all night long after they came and got ickey
ouse. I had cried, too, if you want to know the truth, because &oda
never really wanted anything e$ce#t a horse, and he'd lost his. &oda
had been twelve then, going-on-thirteen. ,e never let on to om and
'ad how he felt, though, because we never had enough money and
usually we had a hard time making ends meet. %hen you're thirteen
in our neighborhood you know the score. I ke#t saving my money for
a year, thinking that someday I could buy ickey ouse back for
&oda. :ou're not so smart at ten.
/:ou read a lot, don't you, Ponyboy8/ 5herry asked.
I was startled. /:eah. %hy8/
&he kind of shrugged. /I could .ust tell. I'll bet you watch
sunsets, too./ &he was !uiet for a minute after I nodded. /I used to
watch them, too, before I got so busy.../
I #ictured that, or tried to. aybe 5herry stood still and
watched the sun set while she was su##osed to be taking the garbage
out. &tood there and watched and forgot everything else until her big
brother screamed at her to hurry u#. I shook my head. It seemed
funny to me that the sunset she saw from her #atio and, the one I saw
from the back ste#s was the same one. aybe the two different worlds
we lived in weren't so different. %e saw the same sunset.
arcia suddenly gas#ed. /5herry, look what's coming./
%e all looked and saw a blue ustang coming down the street.
6ohnny made a small noise in his throat and when I looked at him he
was white.
arcia was shifting nervously. /%hat are we going to do8/
5herry bit a fingernail. /&tand here,/ she said. /2here isn't much
else we can do./
/%ho is it8/ 2wo-"it asked. /2he ).".I.8/
/No,/ 5herry said bleakly, /it's 7andy and "ob./
/(nd,/ 2wo-"it added grimly, /a few other of the socially elite
checkered-shirt set./
/:our boyfriends8/ 6ohnny's voice was steady, but standing as
close to him as I was, I could see he was trembling. I wondered why
6ohnny was a nervous wreck, but he never was that .um#y.
5herry started walking down the street. /aybe they won't see
us. (ct normal./
/%ho's acting8/ 2wo-"it grinned. /I'm a natural normal./
/%ish it was the other way around,/ I muttered, and 2wo-"it
said, /'on't get mouthy, Ponyboy./
2he ustang #assed us slowly and went right on by. arcia
sighed in relief. /2hat was close./
5herry turned to me. /2ell me about your oldest brother. :ou
don't talk much about him./
I tried to think of something to say about 'arry, and shrugged.
/%hat's to talk about8 ,e's big and handsome and likes to #lay
football./
/I mean, what's he like8 I feel like I know &oda from the way
you talk about him* tell me about 'arry./ (nd when I was silent she
urged me on. /Is he wild and reckless like &oda8 'reamy, like you8/
y face got hot as I bit my li#. 'arry... what was 'arry like8 /,e's.../ I
started to say he was a good ol' guy but I couldn't. I burst out bitterly:
/,e's not like &oda#o# at all and he sure ain't like me. ,e's hard as a
rock and about as human. ,e's got eyes e$actly like fro9en ice. ,e
thinks I'm a #ain in the neck. ,e likes &odaeverybody likes &oda
but he can't stand me. I bet he wishes he could stick me in a home
somewhere, and he'd do it, too, if &oda'd let him./
2wo-"it and 6ohnny were staring at me now. /No.../ 2wo-"it
said, dumfounded. /No, Ponyboy, that ain't right... you got it wrong.../
/-ee,/ 6ohnny said softly, /I thought you and 'arry and &oda
got along real well.../
/%ell, we don't,/ I sna##ed, feeling silly. I knew my ears were
red by the way they were burning, and I was thankful for the
darkness. I felt stu#id. 5om#ared to 6ohnny's home, mine was
heaven. (t least 'arry didn't get drunk and beat me u# or run me out
of the house, and I had &oda#o# to talk things over with. 2hat made
me mad, I mean making a fool of myself in front of everyone. /(n' you
can shut your tra#, 6ohnny 5ade, 'cause we all know you ain't wanted
at home, either. (nd you can't blame them./
6ohnny's eyes went round and he winced as though I'd belted
him. 2wo-"it sla##ed me a good one across the side of the head, and
hard.
/&hut your mouth, kid. If you wasn't &oda's kid brother I'd beat
the tar out of you. :ou know better than to talk to 6ohnny like that./
,e #ut his hand on 6ohnny's shoulder. /,e didn't mean it, 6ohnny./
/I'm sorry,/ I said miserably. 6ohnny was my buddy. /I was .ust
mad./
/It's the truth,/ 6ohnny said with a bleak grin. /I don't care./
/&hut u# talkin' like that,/ 2wo-"it said fiercely, messing u#
6ohnny's hair. /%e couldn't get along without you, so you can .ust
shut u#0/
/It ain't fair0/ I cried #assionately. /It ain't fair that we have all
the rough breaks0/ I didn't know e$actly what I meant, but I was
thinking about 6ohnny's father being a drunk and his mother a selfish
slob, and 2wo-"it's mother being a barmaid to su##ort him and his
kid sister after their father ran out on them, and 'allywild, cunning
'allyturning into a hoodlum because he'd die if he didn't, and &teve
his hatred for his father coming out in his soft, bitter voice and the
violence of his tem#er. &oda#o#... a dro#out so he could get a .ob and
kee# me in school, and 'arry, getting old before his time trying to run
a family and hold on to two .obs and never having any funwhile the
&ocs had so much s#are time and money that they .um#ed us and
each other for kicks, had beer blasts and river-bottom #arties because
they didn't know what else to do. 2hings were rough all over, all right.
(ll over the 1ast &ide. It .ust didn't seem right to me.
/I know,/ 2wo-"it said with a good-natured grin, /the chi#s are
always down when it's our turn, but that's the way things are. +ike it
or lum# it./
5herry and arcia didn't say anything. I guess they didn't know
what to say. %e had forgotten they were there. 2hen the blue
ustang was coming down the street again, more slowly.
/%ell,/ 5herry said resignedly, /they've s#otted us./
2he ustang came to a halt beside us, and the two boys in the
front seat got out. 2hey were &ocs all right. 3ne had on a white shirt
and a madras ski .acket, and the other a light yellow shirt and a wine-
colored sweater. I looked at their clothes and reali9ed for the first
time that evening that all I had was a #air of .eans and &oda's old navy
sweat shirt with the sleeves cut short. I swallowed. 2wo-"it started to
tuck in his shirttail, but sto##ed himself in time* he .ust fli##ed u# the
collar of his black leather .acket and lit a cigarette. 2he &ocs didn't
even seem to see us.
/5herry, arcia, listen to us.../ the handsome black-haired &oc
with the dark sweater began.
6ohnny was breathing heavily and I noticed he was staring at
the &oc's hand. ,e was wearing three heavy rings. I looked !uickly at
6ohnny, an idea dawning on me. I remembered that it was a blue
ustang that had #ulled u# beside the vacant lot and that 6ohnny's
face had been cut u# by someone wearing rings...
2he &oc's voice broke into my thoughts: /....ust because we got a
little drunk last time.../
5herry looked mad. /( little8 :ou call reeling and #assing out in
the streets 'a little'8 "ob, I told you, I'm never going out with you
while you're drinking, and I mean it. 2oo many things could ha##en
while you're drunk. It's me or the boo9e./
2he other &oc, a tall guy with a semi-"eatle haircut, turned to
arcia. /"aby, you know we don't get drunk very often.../ %hen she
only gave him a cold stare he got angry. /(nd even if you are mad at
us, that's no reason to go walking the streets with these bums./
2wo-"it took a long drag on his cigarette, 6ohnny slouched and
hooked his thumbs in his #ockets, and I stiffened. %e can look
meaner than anything when we want tolooking tough comes in
handy. 2wo-"it #ut his elbow on 6ohnny's shoulder. /%ho you callin'
bums8/
/+isten, greasers, we got four more of us in the back seat.../
/2hen #ity the back seat,/ 2wo-"it said to the sky.
/If you're looking for a fight.../
2wo-"it cocked an eyebrow, but it only made him look more
cool. /:ou mean if I'm looking for a good .um#ing, you outnumber us,
so you'll give it to us8 %ell.../ ,e snatched u# an em#ty bottle, busted
off the end, and gave it to me, then reached in his back #ocket and
fli##ed out his switchblade. /2ry it, #al./
/No0/ 5herry cried. /&to# it0/ &he looked at "ob. /%e'll ride
home with you. 6ust wait a minute./
/%hy8/ 2wo-"it demanded. /%e ain't scared of them./
5herry shuddered. /I can't stand fights... I can't stand them.../
I #ulled her to one side. /I couldn't use this,/ I said, dro##ing
the #o# bottle. /I couldn't ever cut anyone..../ I had to tell her that,
because I'd seen her eyes when 2wo-"it flicked out his switch.
/I know,/ she said !uietly, /but we'd better go with them.
Ponyboy... I mean... if I see you in the hall at school or some#lace and
don't say hi, well, it's not #ersonal or anything, but.../
/I know,/ I said.
/%e couldn't let our #arents see us with you all. :ou're a nice
boy and everything.../
/It's okay,/ I said, wishing I was dead and buried somewhere.
3r at least that I had on a decent shirt. /%e aren't in the same class.
6ust don't forget that some of us watch the sunset too./
&he looked at me !uickly. /I could fall in love with 'allas
%inston,/ she said. /I ho#e I never see him again, or I will./
&he left me standing there with my mouth dro##ed o#en, and
the blue ustang vroomed off.
%e walked on home, mostly in silence. I wanted to ask 6ohnny
if those were the same &ocs that had beaten him u#, but I didn't
mention it. 6ohnny never talked about it and we never said anything.
/%ell, those were two good-lookin' girls if I ever saw any./ 2wo-
"it yawned as we sat down on the curb at the vacant lot. ,e took a
#iece of #a#er out, of his #ocket and tore it u#.
/%hat was that8/
/arcia's number. Probably a #hony one, too. I must have been
outa my mind to ask for it. I think I'm a little soused./
&o he had been drinking. 2wo-"it was smart. ,e knew the
score. /:'all goin' home8/ he asked.
/Not right now,/ I said. I wanted to have another smoke and to
watch the stars. I had to be in by twelve, but I thought I had #lenty of
time.
/I don't know why I handed you that busted bottle,/ 2wo-"it
said, getting to his feet. /:ou'd never use it./
/aybe I would have,/ I said. /%here you headed8/
/-onna go #lay a little snooker and hunt u# a #oker game.
aybe get ri#-roarin' drunk. I dunno. &ee y'all tomorrow./
6ohnny and I stretched out on our backs and looked at the stars.
I was free9ingit was a cold night and all I had was that sweat shirt,
but I could watch stars in sub-9ero weather. I saw 6ohnny's cigarette
glowing in the dark and wondered vaguely what it was like inside a
burning ember...
/It was because we're greasers,/ 6ohnny said, and I knew he was
talking about 5herry. /%e could have hurt her re#utation./
/I reckon,/ I said, wondering if I ought to tell 6ohnny what she
had said about 'allas.
/an, that was a tuff car. ustangs are tuff./
/"ig time &ocs, all right,/ I said, a nervous bitterness growing
inside me. It wasn't fair for the &ocs to have everything. %e were as
good as they were* it wasn't our fault we were greasers. I couldn't .ust
take it or leave it, like 2wo-"it, or ignore it and love life anyway, like
&oda#o#, or harden myself beyond caring, like 'ally, or actually en.oy
it, like 2im &he#ard. I felt the tension growing inside of me and I
knew something had to ha##en or I would e$#lode.
/I can't take much more./ 6ohnny s#oke my own feelings. /I'll
kill myself or something./
/'on't,/ I said, sitting u# in alarm. /:ou can't kill yourself,
6ohnny./
/%ell, I won't. "ut I gotta do something. It seems like there's
gotta be some#lace without greasers or &ocs, with .ust #eo#le. Plain
ordinary #eo#le./
/3ut of the big towns,/ I said, lying back down. /In the
country.../
In the country... I loved the country. I wanted to be out of towns
and away from e$citement. I only wanted to lie on my back under a
tree and read a book or draw a #icture, and not worry about being
.um#ed or carrying a blade or ending u# married to some
scatterbrained broad with no sense. 2he country would be like that, I
thought dreamily. I would have a yeller cur dog, like I used to, and
&oda#o# could get ickey ouse back and ride in all the rodeos he
wanted to, and 'arry would lose that cold, hard look and be like he
used to be, eight months ago, before om and 'ad were killed. &ince
I was dreaming I brought om and 'ad back to life... om could
bake some more chocolate cakes and 'ad would drive the #icku# out
early to feed the cattle. ,e would sla# 'arry on the back and tell him
he was getting to be a man, a regular chi# off the block, and they
would be as close as they used to be. aybe 6ohnny could come and
live with us, and the gang could come out on weekends, and maybe
'allas would see that there was some good in the world after all, and
om would talk to him and make him grin in s#ite of himself.
/:ou've got !uite a mom,/ 'ally used to say. /&he knows the score./
&he could talk to 'allas and ke#t him from getting into a lot of
trouble. y mother was golden and beautiful...
/Ponyboy/6ohnny was shaking me/,ey, Pony, wake u#./
I sat u#, shivering. 2he stars had moved. /-lory, what time is
it8/
/I don't know. I went to slee#, too, listening to you rattle on and
on. :ou'd better get home. I think I'll stay all night out here./
6ohnny's #arents didn't care if he came home or not.
/3kay./ I yawned. -osh, but it was cold. /If you get cold or
something come on over to our house./
/3kay./
I ran home, trembling at the thought of facing 'arry. 2he #orch
light was on. aybe they were aslee# and I could sneak in, I thought.
I #eeked in the window. &oda#o# was stretched out on the sofa,
sound aslee#, but 'arry was in the armchair under the lam#, reading
the news#a#er. I gul#ed, and o#ened the door softly. 'arry looked u#
from his #a#er. ,e was on his feet in a second. I stood there, chewing
on my fingernail.
/%here the heck have you been8 'o you know what time it is8/
,e was madder than I'd seen him in a long time. I shook my head
wordlessly.
/%ell, it's two in the morning, kiddo. (nother hour and I would
have had the #olice out after you. %here were you, Ponyboy8/his
voice was rising/%here in the almighty universe were you8/
It sounded dumb, even to me, when I stammered, /I... I went to
slee# in the lot.../
/:ou what8/ ,e was shouting, and &oda#o# sat u# and rubbed
his eyes.
/,ey, Ponyboy,/ he said slee#ily, /where ya been8/
/I didn't mean to./ I #leaded with 'arry. /I was talking to
6ohnny and we both dro##ed off.../
/I reckon it never occurred to you that your brothers might be
worrying their heads off and afraid to call the #olice because
something like that could get you two thrown in a boys' home so
!uick it'd make your head s#in. (nd you were aslee# in the lot8
Ponyboy, what on earth is the matter with you8 5an't you use your
head8 :ou haven't even got a coat on./
I felt hot tears of anger and frustration rising. /I said I didn't
mean to.../
/I didn't mean to0/ 'arry shouted, and I almost shook. /I didn't
think0 I forgot0 2hat's all I hear out of you0 5an't you think of
anything8/
/'arry.../ &oda#o# began, but 'arry turned on him. /:ou kee#
your tra# shut0 I'm sick and tired of hearin' you stick u# for him./
,e should never yell at &oda. Nobody should ever holler at my
brother. I e$#loded. /:ou don't yell at him0/ I shouted. 'arry wheeled
around and sla##ed me so hard that it knocked me against the door.
&uddenly it was deathly !uiet. %e had all fro9en. Nobody in my
family had ever hit me. Nobody. &oda was wide-eyed. 'arry looked at
the #alm of his hand where it had turned red and then looked back at
me. ,is eyes were huge. /Ponyboy.../
I turned and ran out the door and down the street as fast as I
could. 'arry screamed, /Pony, I didn't mean to0/ but I was at the lot
by then and #retended I couldn't hear. I was running away. It was
#lain to me that 'arry didn't want me around. (nd I wouldn't stay if
he did. ,e wasn't ever going to hit me again
/6ohnny8/ I called, and started when he rolled over and .um#ed
u# almost under my feet. /5ome on, 6ohnny, we're running away./
6ohnny asked no !uestions. %e ran for several blocks until we
were out of breath. 2hen we walked. I was crying by then. I finally .ust
sat down on the curb and cried, burying my face in my arms. 6ohnny
sat down beside me, one hand on my shoulder. /1asy, Ponyboy,/ he
said softly, /we'll be okay./
I finally calmed down and wi#ed my eyes on my bare arm. y
breath was coming in !uivering sobs. /-otta cigarette8/
,e handed me one and struck a match.
/6ohnny, I'm scared./
/%ell, don't be. :ou're scarin' me. %hat ha##ened8 I never seen
you bawl like that./
/I don't very often. It was 'arry. ,e hit me. I don't know what
ha##ened, but I couldn't take him hollering at me and hitting me too.
I don't know... sometimes we get along okay, then all of a sudden he
blows u# on me or else is naggin' at me all the time. ,e didn't use to
be like that... we used to get along okay... before om and 'ad died.
Now he .ust can't stand me./
/I think I like it better when the old man's hittin' me./ 6ohnny
sighed. /(t least then I know he knows who I am. I walk in that house,
and nobody says anything. I walk out, and nobody says anything. I
stay away all night, and nobody notices. (t least you got &oda. I ain't
got nobody./
/&hoot,/ I said, startled out of my misery, /you got the whole
gang. 'ally didn't slug you tonight 'cause you're the #et. I mean, golly,
6ohnny, you got the whole gang./
/It ain't the same as having your own folks care about you,/
6ohnny said sim#ly. /It .ust ain't the same./
I was beginning to rela$ and wonder if running away was such a
great idea. I was slee#y and free9ing to death and I wanted to be home
in bed, safe and warm under the covers with &oda's arm across me. I
decided I would go home and .ust not s#eak to 'arry. It was my
house as much as 'arry's, and if he wanted to #retend I wasn't alive,
that was .ust fine with me. ,e couldn't sto# me from living in my own
house.
/+et's walk to the #ark and back. 2hen maybe I'll be cooled off
enough to go home./
/3kay,/ 6ohnny said easily. /3kay./
2hings gotta get better, I figured. 2hey couldn't get worse. I was
wrong.



Chapter &

THE PA"' WAS ABOUT two blocks s!uare, with a fountain
in the middle and a small swimming #ool for the little kids. 2he #ool
was em#ty now in the fall, but the fountain was going merrily. 2all
elm trees made the #ark shadowy and dark, and it would have been a
good hangout, but we #referred our vacant lot, and the &he#ard outfit
liked the alleys down by the tracks, so the #ark was left to lovers and
little kids.
Nobody was around at two-thirty in the morning, and it was a
good #lace to rela$ and cool off. I couldn't have gotten much cooler
without turning into a #o#sicle. 6ohnny sna##ed u# his .eans .acket
and fli##ed u# the collar.
/(in't you about to free9e to death, Pony8/
/:ou ain't a'woofin',/ I said, rubbing my bare arms between
drags on my cigarette. I started to say something about the film of ice
develo#ing on the outer edges of the fountain when a sudden blast
from a car horn made us both .um#. 2he blue ustang was circling
the #ark slowly.
6ohnny swore under his breath, and I muttered, /%hat do they
want8 2his is our territory. %hat are &ocs doing this far east8/
6ohnny shook his head. /I don't know. "ut I bet they're looking
for us. %e #icked u# their girls./
/3h, glory,/ I said with a groan, /this is all I need to to# off a
#erfect night./ I took one last drag on my weed and ground the stub
under my heel. /%ant to run for it8/
/It's too late now,/ 6ohnny said. /,ere they come./
)ive &ocs were coming straight at us, and from the way they
were staggering I figured they were reeling #ickled. 2hat scared me. (
cool deadly bluff could sometimes shake them off, but not if they
outnumbered you five to two and were drunk. 6ohnny's hand went to
his back #ocket and I remembered his switchblade. I wished for that
broken bottle. I'd sure show them I could use it if I had to. 6ohnny
was scared to death. I mean it. ,e was as white as a ghost and his eyes
were wild-looking, like the eyes of an animal in a tra#. %e backed
against the fountain and the &ocs surrounded us. 2hey smelled so
heavily of whiskey and 1nglish +eather that I almost choked. I wished
des#erately that 'arry and &oda would come along hunting for me.
2he four of us could handle them easily. "ut no one was around, and I
knew 6ohnny and I were going to have to fight it out alone. 6ohnny
had a blank, tough look on his faceyou'd have had to know him to
see the #anic in his eyes. I stared at the &ocs coolly. aybe they could
scare us to death, but we'd never let them have the satisfaction of
knowing it.
It was 7andy and "ob and three other &ocs, and they
recogni9ed us. I knew 6ohnny recogni9ed them* he was watching the
moonlight glint off "ob's rings with huge eyes.
/,ey, whatta ya know8/ "ob said a little unsteadily, /here's the
little greasers that #icked u# our girls. ,ey, greasers./
/:ou're outa your territory,/ 6ohnny warned in a low voice.
/:ou'd better watch it./
7andy swore at us and they ste##ed in closer. "ob was eyeing
6ohnny. /Nu#, #al, yer the ones who'd better watch it. Ne$t time you
want a broad, #ick u# yer own kinddirt./
I was getting mad. I was hating them enough to lose my head.
/:ou know what a greaser is8/ "ob asked. /%hite trash with
long hair./
I felt the blood draining from my face. I've been cussed out and
sworn at, but nothing ever hit me like that did. 6ohnnycake made a
kind of gas# and his eyes were smoldering.
/:ou know what a &oc is8/ I said, my voice shaking with rage.
/%hite trash with ustangs and madras./ (nd then, because I
couldn't think of anything bad enough to call them, I s#it at them.
"ob shook his head, smiling slowly. /:ou could use a bath, greaser.
(nd a good working over. (nd we've got all night to do it. -ive the kid
a bath, 'avid./
I ducked and tried to run for it, but the &oc caught my arm and
twisted it behind my back, and shoved my face into the fountain. I
fought, but the hand at the back of my neck was strong and I had to
hold my breath. I'm dying, I thought, and wondered what was
ha##ening to 6ohnny. I couldn't hold my breath any longer. I fought
again des#erately but only sucked in water. I'm drowning, I thought,
they've gone too far... ( red ha9e filled my mind and I slowly rela$ed.
2he ne$t thing I knew I was lying on the #avement beside the
fountain, coughing water and gas#ing. I lay there weakly, breathing in
air and s#itting out water. 2he wind blasted through my soaked sweat
shirt and dri##ing hair. y teeth chattered unceasingly and I couldn't
sto# them. I finally #ushed myself u# and leaned back against the
fountain, the water running down my face. 2hen I saw 6ohnny.
,e was sitting ne$t to me, one elbow on his knee, and staring
straight ahead. ,e was a strange greenish-white, and his eyes were
huger than I'd ever seen them.
/I killed him,/ he said slowly. /I killed that boy./
"ob, the handsome &oc, was lying there in the moonlight,
doubled u# and still. ( dark #ool was growing from him, s#reading
slowly over the blue white cement. I looked at 6ohnny's hand. ,e was
clutching his switchblade, and it was dark to the hilt. y stomach
gave a violent .um# and my blood turned icy.
/6ohnny,/ I managed to say, fighting the di99iness, /I think I'm
gonna be sick./
/-o ahead,/ he said in the same steady voice. /I won't look at
you./
I turned my head and was !uietly sick for a minute. 2hen I
leaned back and closed my eyes so I wouldn't see "ob lying there.
2his can't be ha##ening. 2his can't be ha##ening. 2his can't
be...
/:ou really killed him, huh, 6ohnny8/
/:eah./ ,is voice !uavered slightly. /I had to. 2hey were
drowning you, Pony. 2hey might have killed you. (nd they had a
blade... they were gonna beat me u#..../
/+ike.../I swallowed/like they did before8/
6ohnny was !uiet for a minute. /:eah,/ he said, /like they did
before./
6ohnny told me what had ha##ened: /2hey ran when I stabbed
him. 2hey all ran.../
( #anic was rising in me as I listened to 6ohnny's !uiet voice go
on and on. /6ohnny0/ I nearly screamed. /%hat are we gonna do8
2hey #ut you in the electric chair for, killing #eo#le0/ I was shaking. I
want a cigarette. I want a cigarette. I want a cigarette. %e had smoked
our last #ack. /I'm scared, 6ohnny. %hat are we gonna do8/
6ohnny .um#ed u# and dragged me u# by my sweat shirt. ,e
shook me. /5alm down, Ponyboy. -et ahold of yourself./
I hadn't reali9ed I was screaming. I shook loose. /3kay,/ I said,
/I'm okay now./
6ohnny looked around, sla##ing his #ockets nervously. /%e
gotta get outa here. -et somewhere. 7un away. 2he #olice'll be here
soon./ I was trembling, and it wasn't all from cold. "ut 6ohnny, e$ce#t
for the fact that his hands were twitching, looked as cool as 'arry ever
had. /%e'll need money. (nd maybe a gun. (nd a #lan./
oney. aybe a gun8 ( #lan. %here in the world would we get
these things8
/'ally,/ 6ohnny said with finality. /'ally'll get us outa here./
I heaved a sigh. %hy hadn't I thought of that8 "ut I never
thought of anything. 'allas %inston could do anything.
/%here can we find him8/
/I think at "uck erril's #lace. 2here's a #arty over there
tonight. 'ally said somethin' about it this afternoon./
"uck erril was 'ally's rodeo #artner. ,e was the one who'd
got 'ally the .ob as a .ockey for the &lash 6. "uck raised a few !uarter
horses, and made most of his money on fi$ed races and a little
bootlegging. I was under strict orders from both 'arry and &oda not
to get caught within ten miles of his #lace, which was dandy with me.
I didn't like "uck erril. ,e was a tall lanky cowboy with blond hair
and buckteeth. 3r he used to be bucktoothed before he had the front
two knocked out in a fight. ,e was out of it. ,e dug ,ank %illiams
how gross can you get8
"uck answered the door when we knocked, and a roar of chea#
music came with him. 2he clinking of glasses, loud, rough laughter
and female giggles, and ,ank %illiams. It scra#ed on my raw nerves
like sand#a#er. ( can of beer in one hand, "uck glared down at us.
/%hatta ya want8/
/'ally0/ 6ohnny gul#ed, looking back over his shoulder. /%e
gotta see 'ally./
/,e's busy,/ "uck sna##ed, and someone in his living room
yelled /(-ha0/ and then /:ee-ha,/ and the sound of it almost made my
nerves sna#.
/2ell him it's Pony and 6ohnny,/ I commanded. I knew "uck,
and the only way you could get anything from him was to bully him. I
guess that's why 'allas could handle him so easily, although "uck was
in his mid-twenties and 'ally was seventeen. /,e'll come./
"uck glared at me for a second, then stumbled, off. ,e was
#retty well crocked, which made me a##rehensive. If 'ally was drunk
and in a dangerous mood....
,e a##eared in a few minutes, clad only in a #air of low-cut
blue .eans, scratching the hair on his chest. ,e was sober enough, and
that sur#rised me. aybe he hadn't been there long.
/3kay, kids, whatta ya need me for8/
(s 6ohnny told him the story, I studied 'ally, trying to figure
out what there was about this tough-looking hood that a girl like
5herry >alance could love. 2owheaded and shifty-eyed, 'ally was
anything but handsome. :et in his hard face there was character,
#ride, and a savage defiance of the world. ,e could never love 5herry
>alance back. It would be a miracle if 'ally loved anything. 2he fight
for self-#reservation had hardened him beyond caring.
,e didn't bat an eye when 6ohnny told him what had ha##ened,
only grinned and said /-ood for you/ when 6ohnny told how he had
knifed the &oc. )inally 6ohnny finished. /%e figured you could get us
out if anyone could. I'm sorry we got you away from the #arty./
/3h, shoot, kid/'ally glanced contem#tuously over his
shoulder/I was in the bedroom./
,e suddenly stared at me. /-lory, but your ears can get red,
Ponyboy./
I was remembering what usually went on in the bedrooms at
"uck's #arties. 2hen 'ally grinned in amused reali9ation. /It wasn't
anything like that, kid. I was aslee#, or tryin' to be, with all this
racket. ,ank %illiams/he rolled his eyes and added a few ad.ectives
after ',ank %illiams.' /e and &he#ard had a run-in and I cracked
some ribs. I .ust needed a #lace to lay over./ ,e rubbed his side
ruefully. /3l' 2im sure can #ack a #unch. ,e won't be able to see outa
one eye for a week./ ,e looked us over and sighed. /%ell, wait a sec
and I'll see what I can do about this mess./ 2hen he took a good look
at me. /Ponyboy, are you wet8/
/:-y-yes-s,/ I stammered through chattering teeth.
/-lory hallelu.ah0/ ,e o#ened the screen door and #ulled me in,
motioning for 6ohnny to follow. /:ou'll die of #neumonia 'fore the
co#s ever get you./
,e half-dragged me into an em#ty bedroom, swearing at me all
the way. /-et that sweat shirt off./ ,e threw a towel at me. /'ry off
and wait here. (t least 6ohnny's got his .eans .acket. :ou ought to
know better than to run away in .ust a sweat shirt, and a wet one at
that. 'on't you ever use your head8/ ,e sounded so much like 'arry
that I stared at him. ,e didn't notice, and left us sitting on the bed.
6ohnny lay back on it. /%ish I had me a weed./
y knees were shaking as I finished drying off, sitting there in
my .eans.
'ally a##eared after a minute. ,e carefully shut the door.
/,ere/he handed us a gun and a roll of bills/the gun's loaded. )or
Pete's sake, 6ohnny, don't #oint the thing at me. ,ere's fifty bucks.
2hat's all I could get out of erril tonight ,e's blowin' his loot from
that last race./
:ou might have thought it was 'ally who fi$ed those races for
"uck, being a .ockey and all, but it wasn't. 2he last guy to suggest it
lost three teeth. It's the truth. 'ally rode the #onies honestly and did
his best to win. It was the only thing 'ally did honestly.
/Pony, do 'arry and &oda#o# know about this8/
I shook my head. 'ally sighed. /"oy howdy, I ain't itchin' to be
the one to tell 'arry and get my head busted./
/2hen don't tell him,/ I said. I hated to worry &oda#o#, and
would have liked to let him know I had gotten this far okay, but I
didn't care if 'arry worried himself gray-headed. I was too tired to
tell myself I was being mean and unreasonable. I convinced myself it
wouldn't be fair to make 'ally tell him. 'arry would beat him to
death for giving us the money and the gun and getting us out of town.
/,ere0/ 'ally handed me a shirt about si$ty million si9es too
big. /It's "uck'syou an' him ain't e$actly the same si9e, but it's dry./
,e handed me his worn brown leather .acket with the yellow shee#'s-
wool lining. /It'll get cold where you're going, but you can't risk being
loaded down with blankets./
I started buttoning u# the shirt. It about swallowed me. /,o#
the three-fifteen freight to %indri$ville,/ 'ally instructed. /2here's an
old abandoned church on to# of 6ay ountain. 2here's a #um# in
back so don't worry about water. "uy a week's su##ly of food as soon
as you get therethis morning, before the story gets out, and then
don't so much as stick your noses out the door. I'll be u# there as soon
as I think it's clear. an, I thought New :ork was the only #lace I
could get mi$ed u# in a murder ra#./
(t the word /murder,/ 6ohnny made a small noise in his throat
and shuddered.
'ally walked us back to the door, turning off the #orch light
before we ste##ed out. /-it goin'0/ ,e messed u# 6ohnny's hair. /2ake
care, kid,/ he said softly.
/&ure, 'ally, thanks./ (nd we ran into the darkness.
WE C"OUCHED IN THE WEEDS beside the railroad
tracks, listening to the whistle grow louder. 2he train slowed to a
screaming halt. /Now,/ whis#ered 6ohnny. %e ran and #ulled
ourselves into an o#en bo$car. %e #ressed against the side, trying to
hold our breath while we listened to the railroad workers walk u# and
down outside. 3ne #oked his head inside, and we fro9e. "ut he didn't
see us, and the bo$car rattled as the train started u#.
/2he first sto#'ll be %indri$ville,/ 6ohnny said, laying the gun
down gingerly. ,e shook his head. /I don't see why he gave me this. I
couldn't shoot anybody./
2hen for the first time, really, I reali9ed what we were in for.
6ohnny had killed someone. 4uiet, soft-s#oken little 6ohnny, who
wouldn't hurt a living thing on #ur#ose, had taken a human life. %e
were really running away, with the #olice after us for murder and a
loaded gun by our side. I wished we'd asked 'ally for a #ack of
cigarettes....
I stretched out and used 6ohnny's legs for a #illow. 5urling u#, I
was thankful for 'ally's .acket. It was too big, but it was warm. Not
even the rattling of the train could kee# me awake, and I went to slee#
in a hoodlum's .acket, with a gun lying ne$t to my hand.
I WAS HA"DLY AWA'E when 6ohnny and I lea#ed off the
train into a meadow. Not until I landed in the dew and got a wet
shock did I reali9e what I was doing. 6ohnny must have woke me u#
and told me to .um#, but I didn't remember it. %e lay in the tall
weeds and dam# grass, breathing heavily. 2he dawn was coming. It
was lightening the sky in the east and a ray of gold touched the hills.
2he clouds were #ink and meadow larks were singing. 2his is the
country, I thought, half aslee#. y dream's come true and I'm in the
country.
/"last it, Ponyboy/6ohnny was rubbing his legs/you must
have #ut my legs to slee#. I can't even stand u#. I barely got off that
train./
/I'm sorry. %hy didn't you wake me u#8/
/2hat's okay. I didn't want to wake you u# until I had to./
/Now how do we find 6ay ountain8/ I asked 6ohnny. I was
still groggy with slee# and wanted to slee# forever right there in the
dew and the dawn.
/-o ask someone. 2he story won't be in the #a#er yet. ake like
a farm boy taking a walk or something./
/I don't look like a farm boy,/ I said. I suddenly thought of my
long hair, combed back, and the slouching stride I used from habit. I
looked at 6ohnny. ,e didn't look like any farm boy to me. ,e still
reminded me of a lost #u##y who had been kicked too often, but for
the first time I saw him as a stranger might see him. ,e looked hard
and tough, because of his black 2-shirt and his blue .eans and .acket,
and because his hair was heavily greased and so long. I saw how his
hair curled behind his ears and I thought: %e both need a haircut and
some decent clothes. I looked down at my worn, faded blue .eans, my
too-big shirt, and 'ally's worn-out .acket. 2hey'll know we're hoods
the minute they see us, I thought.
/I'll have to stay here,/ 6ohnny said, rubbing his legs. /:ou go
down the road and ask the first #erson you see where 6ay ountain
is./ ,e winced at the #ain in his legs. /2hen come back. (nd for Pete's
sake, run a comb through your hair and !uit slouching down like a
thug./
&o 6ohnny had noticed it too. I #ulled a comb from my back
#ocket and combed my hair carefully. /I guess I look okay now, huh,
6ohnny8/
,e was studying me. /:ou know, you look an awful lot like
&oda#o#, the way you've got your hair and everything. I mean, e$ce#t
your eyes are green./
/2hey ain't green, they're gray,/ I said, reddening. /(nd I look
about as much like &oda as you do./ I got to my feet. /,e's good-
looking./
/&hoot,/ 6ohnny said with a grin, /you are, too./
I climbed over the barbed-wire fence without saying anything
else. I could hear 6ohnny laughing at me, but I didn't care. I went
strolling down the red dirt road, ho#ing my natural color would come
back before I met anyone. I wonder what 'arry and &oda#o# are
doing now, I thought, yawning. &oda had the whole bed to himself for
once. I bet 'arry's sorry he ever hit me. ,e'll really get worried when
he finds out 6ohnny and I killed that &oc. 2hen, for a moment, I
#ictured &oda#o#'s face when he heard about it. I wish I was home, I
thought absently, I wish I was home and still in bed. aybe I am.
aybe I'm .ust dreaming...
It was only last night that 'ally and I had sat down behind
those girls at the Nightly 'ouble. -lory, I thought with a bewildering
feeling of being rushed, things are ha##ening too !uick. 2oo fast. I
figured I couldn't get into any worse trouble than murder. 6ohnny
and I would be hiding for the rest of our lives. Nobody but 'ally
would know where we were, and he couldn't tell anyone because he'd
get .ailed again for giving us that gun. If 6ohnny got caught, they'd
give him the electric chair, and if they caught me, I'd be sent to a
reformatory. I'd heard about reformatories from 5urly &he#ard and I
didn't want to go to one at all. &o we'd have to be hermits for the rest
of our lives, and never see anyone but 'ally. aybe I'd never see
'arry or &oda#o# again. 3r even 2wo-"it or &teve. I was in the
country, but I knew I wasn't going to like it as much as I'd thought I
would. 2here are things worse than being a greaser.
I met a sunburned farmer driving a tractor down the road. I
waved at him and he sto##ed.
/5ould you tell me where 6ay ountain is8/ I asked as #olitely
as I could.
,e #ointed on down the road. /)ollow this road to that big hill
over there. 2hat's it. 2aking a walk8/
/:essir./ I managed to look shee#ish. /%e're #laying army and
I'm su##osed to re#ort to head!uarters there./
I can lie so easily that it s#ooks me sometimes&oda says it
comes from reading so much. "ut then, 2wo-"it lies all the time too,
and he never o#ens a book.
/"oys will be boys,/ the farmer said with a grin, and I thought
dully that he sounded as corn-#oney as ,ank %illiams. ,e went on
and I walked back to where 6ohnny was waiting.
WE CLI!BED UP THE "OAD to the church, although it
was a lot farther away than it looked. 2he road got stee#er with every
ste#. I was feeling kind of drunkI always do when I get too slee#y
and my legs got heavier and heavier. I guess 6ohnny was slee#ier than
I washe had stayed awake on the train to make sure we got off at the
right #lace. It took us about forty-five minutes to get there. %e
climbed in a back window. It was a small church, real old and s#ooky
and s#iderwebby. It gave me the cree#s.
I'd been in church before. I used to go all the time, even after
om and 'ad were gone. 2hen one &unday I talked &oda into coming
with 6ohnny and me. ,e didn't want to come unless &teve did, and
2wo-"it decided he might as well come too. 'ally was slee#ing off a
hangover, and 'arry was working. %hen 6ohnny and I went, we sat
in the back, trying to get something out of the sermon and avoiding
the #eo#le, because we weren't dressed so shar# most of the time.
Nobody seemed to mind, and 6ohnny and I really liked to go. "ut that
day... well, &oda can't sit still long enough to en.oy a movie, much less
a sermon. It wasn't long before he and &teve and 2wo-"it were
throwing #a#er wads at each other and clowning around, and finally
&teve dro##ed a hymn book with a bangaccidentally, of course.
1veryone in the #lace turned around to look at us, and 6ohnny and I
nearly crawled under the #ews. (nd then 2wo-"it waved at them.
I hadn't been to church since.
"ut this church gave me a kind of cree#y feeling. %hat do you
call it8 Premonition8 I flo##ed down on the floorand immediately
decided not to do any more flo##ing. 2hat floor was stone, and hard.
6ohnny stretched out beside me, resting his head on his arm. I started
to say something to him, but I went to slee# before I could get the
words out of my mouth. "ut 6ohnny didn't notice. ,e was aslee#, too.



Chapter (

I WO'E UP LATE IN the afternoon. )or a second I didn't
know where I was. :ou know how it is, when you wake u# in a strange
#lace and wonder where in the world you are, until memory comes
rushing over you like a wave. I half convinced myself that I had
dreamed everything that had ha##ened the night before. I'm really
home in bed, I thought. It's late and both 'arry and &oda#o# are u#.
'arry's cooking breakfast, and in a minute he and &oda will come in
and drag me out of bed and wrestle me down and tickle me until I
think I'll die if they don't sto#. It's me and &oda's turn to do the dishes
after we eat, and then we'll all go outside and #lay football. 6ohnny
and 2wo-"it and I will get 'arry on our side, since 6ohnny and I are
so small and 'arry's the best #layer. It'll go like the usual weekend
morning. I tried telling myself that while I lay on the cold rock floor,
wra##ed u# in 'ally's .acket and listening to the wind rushing
through the trees' dry leaves outside.
)inally I !uit #retending and #ushed myself u#. I was stiff and
sore from slee#ing on that hard floor, but I had never sle#t so
soundly. I was still groggy. I #ushed off 6ohnny's .eans .acket, which
had somehow got thrown across me, and blinked, scratching my
head. It was awful !uiet, with .ust the sound of rushing wind in the
trees. &uddenly I reali9ed that 6ohnny wasn't there.
/6ohnny8/ I called loudly, and that old wooden church echoed
me, onny onny... I looked around wildly, almost #anic-stricken, but
then caught sight of some crooked lettering written in the dust of the
floor. Went to get supplies. Be back soon. .!.
I sighed, and went to the #um# to get a drink. 2he water from it
was like li!uid ice and it tasted funny, but it was water. I s#lashed
some on my face and that woke me u# #retty !uick. I wi#ed my face
off on 6ohnny's .acket and sat down on the back ste#s. 2he hill the
church was on dro##ed off suddenly about twenty feet from the back
door, and you could see for miles and miles. It was like sitting on the
to# of the world.
%hen you haven't got anything to do, you remember things in
s#ite of yourself. I could remember every detail of the whole night,
but it had the unreal !uality of a dream. It seemed much longer than
twenty-four hours since 6ohnny and I had met 'ally at the corner of
Pickett and &utton. aybe it was. aybe 6ohnny had been gone a
whole week and I had .ust sle#t. aybe he had already been worked
over by the fu99 and was waiting to get the electric chair since he
wouldn't tell where I was. aybe 'ally had been killed in a car wreck
or something and no one would ever know where I was, and I'd .ust
die u# here, alone, and turn into a skeleton. y over-active
imagination was running away with me again. &weat ran down my
face and back, and I was trembling. y head swam, and I leaned back
and closed my eyes. I guess it was #artly delayed shock. )inally my
stomach calmed down and I rela$ed a little, ho#ing that 6ohnny
would remember cigarettes. I was scared, sitting there by myself.
I heard someone coming u# through the dead leaves toward the
back of the church, and I ducked inside the door. 2hen I heard a
whistle, long and low, ending in a sudden high note. I knew that
whistle well enough. It was used by us and the &he#ard gang for
/%ho's there8/ I returned it carefully, then darted out the door so fast
that I fell off the ste#s and s#rawled flat under 6ohnny's nose.
I #ro##ed myself on my elbows and grinned u# at him. /,ey,
6ohnny. )ancy meetin' you here./
,e looked down at me over a big #ackage. /I swear, Ponyboy,
you're gettin' to act more like 2wo-"it every day./
I tried unsuccessfully to cock an eyebrow. /%ho's acting8/ I
rolled over and s#rang u#, ha##y that someone was there. /%hat'd
you get8/
/5ome on inside. 'ally told us to stay inside./
%e went in. 6ohnny dusted off a table with his .acket and
started taking things out of the sack and lining them u# neatly. /(
week's su##ly of baloney, two loaves of bread, a bo$ of matches.../
6ohnny went on.
I got tired of watching him do it all, so I started digging into the
sack myself. /%heee0/ I sat down on a dusty chair and stared. /(
#a#erback co#y of Gone with the Wind" ,ow'd you know I always
wanted one8/
6ohnny reddened. /I remembered you sayin' something about it
once. (nd me and you went to see that movie, 'member8 I thought
you could maybe read it out loud and hel# kill time or something./
/-ee, thanks./ I #ut the book down reluctantly. I wanted to start
it right then. /Pero$ide8 ( deck of cards.../ &uddenly I reali9ed
something. /6ohnny, you ain't thinking of.../
6ohnny sat down and #ulled out his knife. /%e're gonna cut our
hair, and you're gonna bleach yours./ ,e looked at the ground
carefully. /2hey'll have our descri#tions in the #a#er. %e can't fit
'em./
/3h, no0/ y hand flew to my hair. /No, 6ohnny, not my hair0/
It was my #ride. It was long and silky, .ust like &oda's, only a
little redder. 3ur hair was tuffwe didn't have to use much grease on
it. 3ur hair labeled us greasers, tooit was our trademark. 2he one
thing we were #roud of. aybe we couldn't have 5orvairs or madras
shirts, but we could have hair.
/%e'd have to anyway if we got caught. :ou know the first thing
the .udge does is make you get a haircut/
/I don't see why,/ I said sourly. /'ally could .ust as easily mug
somebody with short hair./
/I don't know eitherit's .ust a way of trying to break us. 2hey
can't really do anything to guys like 5urly &he#ard or 2im* they've
had about everything done to them. (nd they can't take anything
away from them because they don't have anything in the first #lace.
&o they cut their hair./
I looked at 6ohnny im#loringly. 6ohnny sighed. /I'm gonna cut
mine too, and wash the grease out, but I can't bleach it. I'm too dark-
skinned to look okay blond. 3h, come on, Ponyboy,/ he #leaded. /It'll
grow back./
/3kay,/ I said, wide-eyed. /-et it over with./
6ohnny fli##ed out the ra9or-edge of his switch, took hold of my
hair, and started sawing on it. I shuddered. /Not too short,/ I begged.
/6ohnny, #lease.../
)inally it was over with. y hair looked funny, scattered over
the floor in tufts. /It's lighter than I thought it was,/ I said, e$amining
it. /5an I see what I look like now8/
/No,/ 6ohnny said slowly, staring at me. /%e gotta bleach it
first./
(fter I'd sat in the sun for fifteen minutes to dry the bleach,
6ohnny let me look in the old cracked mirror we'd found in a closet. I
did a double take. y hair was even lighter than &oda#o#'s. I'd never
combed it to the side like that. It .ust didn't look like me. It made me
look younger, and scareder, too. "oy howdy, I thought, this really
makes me look tuff. I look like a blasted #ansy. I was miserable.
6ohnny handed me the knife. ,e looked scared, too. /5ut the
front and thin out the rest. I'll comb it back after I wash it./
/6ohnny,/ I said tiredly, /you can't wash your hair in that
free9ing water in this weather. :ou'll get a cold./
,e only shrugged. /-o ahead and cut it./
I did the best I could. ,e went ahead and washed it anyway,
using the bar of soa# he'd bought. I was glad I had had to run away
with him instead of with 2wo-"it or &teve or 'ally. 2hat would be one
thing they'd never think of soa#. I gave him 'ally's .acket to wra# u#
in, and he sat shivering in the sunlight on the back ste#s, leaning
against the door, combing his hair back. It was the first time I could
see that he had eyebrows. ,e didn't look like 6ohnny. ,is forehead
was whiter where his bangs had been* it would have been funny if we
hadn't been so scared. ,e was still shivering with cold. /I guess,/ he
said weakly, /I guess we're disguised./
I leaned back ne$t to him sullenly. /I guess so./
/3h, shoot,/ 6ohnny said with fake cheerfulness, /it's .ust hair./
/&hoot nothing,/ I sna##ed. /It took me a long time to get that
hair .ust the way I wanted it. (nd besides, this .ust ain't us. It's like
being in a ,alloween costume we can't get out of./
/%ell, we got to get used to it,/ 6ohnny said with finality. /%e're
in big trouble and it's our looks or us./
I started eating a candy bar. /I'm still tired,/ I said. 2o my
sur#rise, the ground blurred and I felt tears running down my cheeks.
I brushed them off hurriedly. 6ohnny looked as miserable as I felt.
/I'm sorry I cut your hair off, Ponyboy./
/3h, it ain't that*/ I said between bites of chocolate. /I mean,
not all of it. I'm .ust a little s#ooky. I really don't know what's the
matter. I'm .ust mi$ed u#./
/I know,/ 6ohnny said through chattering teeth as we went
inside. /2hings have been ha##ening so fast.../ I #ut my arm across
his shoulders to warm him u#.
/2wo-"it shoulda been in that little one-horse store. an, we're
in the middle of nowhere* the nearest house is two miles away. 2hings
were layin' out wide o#en, .ust waitin' for somebody slick like 2wo-"it
to come and #ick 'em u#. ,e coulda walked out with half the store./
,e leaned back beside me, and I could feel him trembling. /-ood ol'
2wo-"it,/ he said in a !uavering voice. ,e must have been as
homesick as I was.
/7emember how he was wisecrackin' last night8/ I said. /+ast
night... .ust last night we were walkin' 5herry and arcia over to
2wo-"it's. 6ust last night we were layin' in the lot, lookin' u# at the
stars and dreaming.../
/&to# it0/ 6ohnny gas#ed from between clenched teeth. /&hut u#
about last night0 I killed a kid last night. ,e couldn't of been over
seventeen or eighteen, and I killed him. ,ow'd you like to live with
that8/ ,e was crying. I held him like &oda had held him the day we
found him lying in the lot.
/I didn't mean to,/ he finally blurted out, /but they were
drownin' you, and I was so scared.../ ,e was !uiet for a minute.
/2here sure is a lot of blood in #eo#le./
,e got u# suddenly and began #acing back and forth, sla##ing
his #ockets.
/%hatta we gonna do8/ I was crying by then. It was getting dark
and I was cold and lonesome. I closed my eyes and leaned my head
back, but the tears came anyway.
/2his is my fault,/ 6ohnny said in a miserable voice. ,e had
sto##ed crying when I started. /)or bringin' a little thirteen-year-old
kid along. :ou ought to go home. :ou can't get into any trouble. :ou
didn't kill him./
/No0/ I screamed at him. /I'm fourteen0 I've been fourteen for a
month0 (nd I'm in it as much as you are. I'll sto# crying in a minute...
I can't hel# it./
,e slum#ed down beside me. /I didn't mean it like that,
Ponyboy. 'on't cry, Pony, we'll be okay. 'on't cry.../ I leaned against
him and bawled until I went to slee#.
I woke u# late that night. 6ohnny was resting against the wall
and I was aslee# on his shoulder. /6ohnny8/ I yawned. /:ou awake8/ I
was warm and slee#y.
/:eah,/ he said !uietly.
/%e ain't gonna cry no more, are we8/
/No#e. %e're all cried out now. %e're gettin' used to the idea.
%e're gonna be okay now./
/2hat's what I thought,/ I said drowsily. 2hen for the first time
since 'ally and I had sat down behind those girls at the Nightly
'ouble, I rela$ed. %e could take whatever was coming now.
THE NE)T $OU" or five days were the longest days I've ever
s#ent in my life. %e killed time by reading Gone with the Wind and
#laying #oker. 6ohnny sure did like that book, although he didn't
know anything about the 5ivil %ar and even less about #lantations,
and I had to e$#lain a lot of it to him. It ama9ed me how 6ohnny
could get more meaning out of some of the stuff in there than I could
I was su##osed to be the dee# one. 6ohnny had failed a year in
school and never made good gradeshe couldn't gras# anything that
was shoved at him too fast, and I guess his teachers thought he was
.ust #lain dumb. "ut he wasn't. ,e was .ust a little slow to get things,
and he liked to e$#lore things once he did get them. ,e was es#ecially
stuck on the &outhern gentlemenim#ressed with their manners and
charm.
/I bet they were cool ol' guys,/ he said, his eyes glowing, after I
had read the #art about them riding into sure death because they
were gallant. /2hey remind me of 'ally./
/'ally8/ I said, startled. /&hoot, he ain't got any more manners
than I do. (nd you saw how he treated those girls the other night.
&oda's more like them &outhern boys./
/:eah... in the manners bit, and the charm, too, I guess,/
6ohnny said slowly, /but one night I saw 'ally gettin' #icked u# by the
fu99, and he ke#t real cool and calm the whole time. 2hey was gettin'
him for breakin' out the windows in the school building, and it was
2wo-"it who did that. (nd 'ally knew it. "ut he .ust took the
sentence without battin' an eye or even denyin' it. 2hat's gallant./
2hat was the first time I reali9ed the e$tent of 6ohnny's hero-
worshi# for 'ally %inston. 3f all of us, 'ally was the one I liked least.
,e didn't have &oda's understanding or dash, or 2wo-"it's humor, or
even 'arry's su#erman !ualities. "ut I reali9ed that these three
a##ealed to me because they were like the heroes in the novels I read.
'ally was real. I liked my books and clouds and sunsets. 'ally was so
real he scared me.
6ohnny and I never went to the front of the church. :ou could
see the front from the road, and sometimes farm kids rode their
horses by on their way to the store. &o we stayed in the very back,
usually sitting on the ste#s and looking across the valley. %e could
see for miles* see the ribbon of highway and the small dots that were
houses and cars. %e couldn't watch the sunset, since the back faced
east, but I loved to look at the colors of the fields and the soft
shadings of the hori9on.
3ne morning I woke u# earlier than usual. 6ohnny and I sle#t
huddled together for warmth'ally had been right when he said it
would get cold where we were going. "eing careful not to wake
6ohnny u#, I went to sit on the ste#s and smoke a cigarette. 2he dawn
was coming then. (ll the lower valley was covered with mist, and
sometimes little #ieces of it broke off and floated away in small
clouds. 2he sky was lighter in the east, and the hori9on was a thin
golden line. 2he clouds changed from gray to #ink, and the mist was
touched with gold. 2here was a silent moment when everything held
its breath, and then the sun rose. It was beautiful.
/-olly/6ohnny's voice beside me made me .um#/that sure
was #retty./
/:eah./ I sighed, wishing I had some #aint to do a #icture with
while the sight was still fresh in my mind.
/2he mist was what was #retty,/ 6ohnny said. /(ll gold and
silver./
/@hmmmm,/ I said, trying to blow a smoke ring.
/2oo bad it couldn't stay like that all the time./
/Nothing gold can stay./ I was remembering a #oem I'd read
once.
/%hat8/
#$ature%s first green is gold&
'er hardest hue to hold.
'er early leafs a flower(
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
)o Eden sank to grief&
)o dawn goes down to day.
$othing gold can stay.#
6ohnny was staring at me. /%here'd you learn that8 2hat was
what I meant/
/7obert )rost wrote it. ,e meant more to it than I'm gettin'
though./ I was trying to find the meaning the #oet had in mind, but it
eluded me. /I always remembered it because I never !uite got what he
meant by it/
/:ou know,/ 6ohnny said slowly, /I never noticed colors and
clouds and stuff until you ke#t reminding me about them. It seems
like they were never there before./ ,e thought for a minute. /:our
family sure is funny./
/(nd what ha##ens to be so funny about it8/ I asked stiffly.
6ohnny looked at me !uickly. /I didn't mean nothing. I meant,
well, &oda kinda looks like your mother did, but he acts .ust e$actly
like your father. (nd 'arry is the s#ittin' image of your father, but he
ain't wild and laughing all the time like he was. ,e acts like your
mother. (nd you don't act like either one./
/I know,/ I said. /%ell,/ I said, thinking this over, /you ain't like
any of the gang. I mean, I couldn't tell 2wo-"it or &teve or even 'arry
about the sunrise and clouds and stuff. I couldn't even remember that
#oem around them. I mean, they .ust don't dig. 6ust you and
&oda#o#. (nd maybe 5herry >alance./
6ohnny shrugged. /:eah,/ he said with a sigh. /I guess we're
different./
/&hoot,/ I said, blowing a #erfect smoke ring, /maybe they are./
"y the fifth day I was so tired of baloney I nearly got sick every
time I looked at it. %e had eaten all our candy bars in the first two
days. I was dying for a Pe#si. I'm what you might call a Pe#si addict. I
drink them like a fiend, and going for five days without one was about
to kill me. 6ohnny #romised to get some if we ran out of su##lies and
had to get some more, but that didn't hel# me right then. I was
smoking a lot more there than I usually didI guess because it was
something to doalthough 6ohnny warned me that I would get sick
smoking so much. %e were careful with our cigarettesif that old
church ever caught fire there'd be no sto##ing it.
3n the fifth day I had read u# to &herman's siege of (tlanta in
Gone with the Wind, owed 6ohnny a hundred and fifty bucks from
#oker games, smoked two #acks of 5amels, and as 6ohnny had
#redicted, got sick. I hadn't eaten anything all day* and smoking on
an em#ty stomach doesn't make you feel real great. I curled u# in a
corner to slee# off the smoke. I was .ust about aslee# when I heard, as
if from a great distance, a low long whistle that went off in a sudden
high note. I was too slee#y to #ay any attention, although 6ohnny
didn't have any reason to be whistling like that. ,e was sitting on the
back ste#s trying to read Gone with the Wind. I had almost decided
that I had dreamed the outside world and there was nothing real but
baloney sandwiches and the 5ivil %ar and the old church and the
mist in the valley. It seemed to me that I had always lived in the
church, or maybe lived during the 5ivil %ar and had somehow got
trans#lanted. 2hat shows you what a wild imagination I have.
( toe nudged me in the ribs. /-lory,/ said a rough but familiar
voice, /he looks different with his hair like that./
I rolled over and sat u#, rubbing the slee# out of my eyes and
yawning. &uddenly I blinked.
/,ey, 'ally0/
/,ey, Ponyboy0/ ,e grinned down at me. /3r should I say
&lee#ing "eauty8/
I never thought I'd live to see the day when I would be so glad to
see 'ally %inston, but right then he meant one thing: contact with
the outside world. (nd it suddenly became real and vital.
/,ow's &oda#o#8 (re the fu99 after us8 Is 'arry all right8 'o
the boys know where we are8 %hat.../
/,old on, kid,/ 'ally broke in. /I can't answer everything at
once. :ou two want to go get something to eat first8 I ski##ed
breakfast and I'm about starved./
/*ou%re starved8/ 6ohnny was so indignant he nearly s!ueaked.
I remembered the baloney.
/Is it safe to go out8/ I asked eagerly.
/:e#./ 'ally searched his shirt #ocket for a cigarette, and
finding none, said, /-otta cancer stick, 6ohnnycake8/
6ohnny tossed him a whole #ackage.
/2he fu99 won't be lookin' for you around here,/ 'ally said,
lighting u#. /2hey think you've lit out for 2e$as. I've got "uck's 2-bird
#arked down the road a little way. -oshamighty, boys, ain't you been
eatin' anything8/
6ohnny looked startled. /:eah. %hatever gave you the idea we
ain't8/
'ally shook his head. /:ou're both #ale and you've lost weight.
(fter this, get out in the sun more. :ou look like you've been through
the mill./
I started to say /+ook who's talking/ but decided it would be
safer not to. 'ally needed a shavea stubble of colorless beard
covered his .awand he looked like he was the one who'd been
slee#ing in his clothes for a week instead of us* I knew he hadn't seen
a barber in months. "ut it was safer not to get mouthy with 'ally
%inston.
/,ey, Ponyboy/he fumbled with a #iece of #a#er in his back
#ocket/I gotta letter for you./
/( letter8 %ho from8/
/2he President, of course, stu#id. It's from &oda./
/&oda#o#8/ I said, bewildered. /"ut how did he know...8/
/,e came over to "uck's a cou#le of days ago for something and
found that sweat shirt. I told him I didn't know where you were, but
he didn't believe me. ,e gave me this letter and half his #ay check to
give you. ;id, you ought to see 'arry. ,e's takin' this mighty hard.../
I wasn't listening. I leaned back against the side of the church
and read:
Ponyboy&
Well + guess you got into so,e trouble& huh- .arry and ,e
nearly went nuts when you ran out like that. .arry is awful sorry he
hit you. *ou know he didn%t ,ean it. And then you and ohnny
turned up ,ising and what with that dead kid in the park and .ally
getting hauled into the station& well it scared us so,ething awful.
The police ca,e by to /uestion us and we told the, as ,uch as we
could. + can%t believe little old ohnny could kill so,ebody. + know
.ally knows where you are& but you know hi,. 'e keeps his trap
shut and won%t tell ,e nothing. .arry hasn%t got the slightest notion
where you%re at and it is nearly killing hi,. + wish you%d co,e back
and turn your selfves in but + guess you can%t since ohnny ,ight get
hurt. *ou sure are fa,ous. *ou got a paragraph in the newspaper
even. Take care and say hi to ohnny for us.
)odapop !urtis
,e could im#rove his s#elling, I thought after reading it
through three or four times. /,ow come you got hauled in8/ I asked
'ally.
/&hoot, kid/he grinned wolfishly/them boys at the station
know me by now. I get hauled in for everything that ha##ens in our
turf. %hile I was there I kinda let it sli# that y'all were headin' for
2e$as. &o that's where they're lookin'./
,e took a drag on his cigarette and cussed it goodnaturedly for
not being a ;ool. 6ohnny listened in admiration. /:ou sure can cuss
good, 'ally./
/&ure can,/ 'ally agreed wholeheartedly, #roud of his
vocabulary. /"ut don't you kids get to #ickin' u# my bad habits./
,e gave me a hard rub on the head. /;id, I swear it don't look
like you with your hair all cut off. It used to look tuff. :ou and &oda
had the coolest lookin' hair in town./
/I know,/ I said sourly. /I look lousy, but don't rub it in./
/'o y'all want somethin' to eat or not8/
6ohnny and I lea#ed u#. /:ou'd better believe it./
/-ee,/ 6ohnny said wistfully, /it sure will be good to get into a
car again./
/%ell,/ 'ally drawled, /I'll give you a ride for your money./
'ally always did like to drive fast, as if he didn't care whether he
got where he was going or not, and we came down the red dirt road
off 6ay ountain doing eighty-five. I like fast driving and 6ohnny was
cra9y about drag races, but we both got a little green around the gills
when 'ally took a corner on two wheels with the brakes screaming.
aybe it was because we hadn't been in a car for so long.
%e sto##ed at a 'airy 4ueen and the first thing I got was a
Pe#si. 6ohnny and I gorged on barbecue sandwiches and banana
s#lits.
/-lory,/ 'allas said, ama9ed, watching us gul# the stuff down.
/:ou don't need to make like every mouthful's your last. I got #lenty
of money. 2ake it easy, I don't want you gettin' sick on me. (nd I
thought I was hungry0/
6ohnny merely ate faster. I didn't slow down until I got a
headache.
/I didn't tell y'all something,/ 'ally said, finishing his third
hamburger. /2he &ocs and us are having all-out warfare all over the
city. 2hat kid you killed had #lenty of friends and all over town it's
&oc against grease. %e can't walk alone at all. I started carryin' a
heater.../
/'ally0/ I said, frightened. /:ou kill #eo#le with heaters0/
/:a kill 'em with switchblades, too, don't ya, kid8/ 'ally said in
a hard voice. 6ohnny gul#ed. /'on't worry,/ 'ally went on, /it ain't
loaded. I ain't aimin' to get #icked u# for murder. "ut it sure does
hel# a bluff. 2im &he#ard's gang and our outfit are havin' it out with
the &ocs tomorrow night at the vacant lot. %e got hold of the
#resident of one of their social clubs and had a war council. :eah/
'ally sighed, and I knew he was remembering New :ork/.ust like
the good old days. If they win, things go on as usual. If we do, they
stay outa our territory but good. 2wo-"it got .um#ed a few days ago.
'arry and me came along in time, but he wasn't havin' too much
trouble. 2wo-"it's a good fighter. ,ey, I didn't tell you we got us a
s#y./
/( s#y8/ 6ohnny looked u# from his banana s#lit. /%ho8/
'2hat good-lookin' broad I tried to #ick u# that night you killed
the &oc. 2he redhead, 5herry what's-her-name./



Chapter *

+OHNNY AED AND I almost dro##ed my hot fudge
sundae. /5herry8/ we both said at the same time. /2he &oc8/
/:eah,/ 'ally said. /&he came over to the vacant lot the night
2wo-"it was .um#ed. &he#ard and some of his outfit and us were
hanging around there when she drives u# in her little ol' &ting 7ay.
2hat took a lot of nerve. &ome of us was for .um#ing her then and
there, her bein' the dead kid's girl and all, but 2wo-"it sto##ed us.
an, ne$t time I want a broad I'll #ick u# my own kind./
/:eah,/ 6ohnny said slowly, and I wondered if, like me, he was
remembering another voice, also tough and .ust dee#ened into
manhood, saying: /Ne$t time you want a broad, #ick u# your own
kind.../ It gave me the cree#s.
'ally was going on: /&he said she felt that the whole mess was
her fault, which it is, and that she'd kee# u# with what was comin' off
with the &ocs in the rumble and would testify that the &ocs were
drunk and looking for a fight and that you fought back in self-
defense./ ,e gave a grim laugh. /2hat little gal sure does hate me. I
offered to take her over to 2he 'ingo for a 5oke and she said 'No,
thank you' and told me where I could go in very #olite terms./
&he was afraid of loving you, I thought. &o 5herry >alance, the
cheerleader, "ob's girl, the &oc, was trying to hel# us. No, it wasn't
5herry the &oc who was hel#ing us, it was 5herry the dreamer who
watched sunsets and couldn't stand fights. It was hard to believe a &oc
would hel# us, even a &oc that dug sunsets. 'ally didn't notice. ,e
had forgotten about it already.
/an, this #lace is out of it. %hat do they do for kicks around
here, #lay checkers8/ 'ally surveyed the scene without interest. /I
ain't never been in the country before. ,ave you two8/
6ohnny shook his head but I said, /'ad used to take us all
huntin'. I've been in the country before. ,ow'd you know about the
church8/
/I got a cousin that lives around here somewheres. 2i##ed me
off that it'd make a tuff hide-out in case of something. ,ey, Ponyboy,
I heard you was the best shot in the family./
/:eah,/ I said. /'arry always got the most ducks, though. ,im
and 'ad. &oda and I goofed around too much, scared most of our
game away./ I couldn't tell 'ally that I hated to shoot things. ,e'd
think I was soft.
/2hat was a good idea, I mean cuttin' your hair and bleachin' it.
2hey #rinted your descri#tions in the #a#er but you sure wouldn't fit
'em now./
6ohnny had been !uietly finishing his fifth barbecue sandwich,
but now he announced: '%e're goin' back and turn ourselves in./
It was 'ally's turn to gag. 2hen he swore awhile. 2hen he turned
to 6ohnny and demanded: /%hat8/
/I said we're goin' back and turn ourselves in,/ 6ohnny re#eated
in a !uiet voice. I was sur#rised but not shocked. I had thought about
turning ourselves in lots of times, but a##arently the whole idea was a
.olt to 'allas.
/I got a good chance of bein' let off easy,/ 6ohnny said
des#erately, and I didn't know if it was 'ally he was trying to
convince or himself. /I ain't got no record with the fu99 and it was
self-defense. Ponyboy and 5herry can testify to that. (nd I don't aim
to stay in that church all my life./
2hat was !uite a s#eech for 6ohnny. ,is big black eyes grew
bigger than ever at the thought of going to the #olice station, for
6ohnny had a deathly fear of co#s, but he went on: /%e won't tell that
you hel#ed us, 'ally, and we'll give you back the gun and what's left of
the money and say we hitchhiked back so you won't get into trouble.
3kay8/
'ally was chewing the corner of his I' card, which gave his age
as twenty-one so he could buy li!uor. /:ou sure you want to go back8
@s greasers get it worse than anyone else./
6ohnny nodded. /I'm sure. It ain't fair for Ponyboy to have to
stay u# in that church with 'arry and &oda worryin' about him all the
time. I don't guess.../he swallowed and tried not to look eager/I
don't guess my #arents are worried about me or anything8/
/2he boys are worried,/ 'ally said in a matter-of-fact voice.
/2wo-"it was going to 2e$as to hunt for you./
/y #arents,/ 6ohnny re#eated doggedly, /did they ask about
me8/
/No,/ sna##ed 'ally, /they didn't. "last it, 6ohnny, what do they
matter8 &hoot, my old man don't give a hang whether I'm in .ail or
dead in a car wreck or drunk in the gutter. 2hat don't bother me
none./
6ohnny didn't say anything. "ut he stared at the dashboard with
such hurt bewilderment that I could have bawled.
'ally cussed under his breath and nearly tore out the
transmission of the 2-bird as we roared out of the 'airy 4ueen. I felt
sorry for 'ally. ,e meant it when he said he didn't care about his
#arents. "ut he and the rest of the gang knew 6ohnny cared and did
everything they could to make it u# to him. I don't know what it was
about 6ohnnymaybe that lost #u##y look and those big scared eyes
were what made everyone his big brother. "ut they couldn't, no
matter how hard they tried, take the #lace of his #arents. I thought
about it for a minute'arry and &oda#o# were my bothers and I
loved both of them, even if 'arry did scare me* but not even &oda
could take om and 'ad's #lace. (nd they were my real brothers, not
.ust sort of ado#ted ones. No wonder 6ohnny was hurt because his
#arents didn't want him. 'ally could take it'ally was of the breed
that could take anything, because he was hard and tough, and when
he wasn't, he could turn hard and tough. 6ohnny was a good fighter
and could #lay it cool, but he was sensitive and that isn't a good way
to be when you're a greaser.
/"last it, 6ohnny,/ 'ally growled as we flew along the red road,
/why didn't you think of turning yourself in five days ago8 It would
have saved a lot of trouble./
/I was scared,/ 6ohnny said with conviction. /I still am./ ,e ran
his finger down one of his short black sideburns. /I guess we ruined
our hair for nothing, Ponyboy./
/I guess so./ I was glad we were going back. I was sick of that
church. I didn't care if I was bald.
'ally was scowling, and from long and #ainful e$#erience I
knew better than to talk to him when his eyes were bla9ing like that.
I'd likely as not get clobbered over the head. 2hat had ha##ened
before, .ust as it had ha##ened to all the gang at one time or another.
%e rarely fought among ourselves'arry was the unofficial leader,
since he ke#t his head best, &oda and &teve had been best friends
since grade school and never fought, and 2wo-"it was .ust too la9y to
argue with anyone. 6ohnny ke#t his mouth shut too much to get into
arguments, and nobody ever fought with 6ohnny. I ke#t my mouth
shut* too. "ut 'ally was a different matter. If something beefed him,
he didn't kee# !uiet about it, and if you rubbed him the wrong way
look out. Not even 'arry wanted to tangle with him. ,e was
dangerous.
6ohnny .ust sat there and stared at his feet. ,e hated for any
one of us to be mad at him. ,e looked awful sad. 'ally glanced at him
out of the corner of his eye. I looked out the window.
/6ohnny,/ 'ally said in a a #leading, high voice, using a tone I
had never heard from him before, /6ohnny, I ain't mad at you. I .ust
don't want you to get hurt. :ou don't know what a few months in .ail
can do to you. 3h, blast it, 6ohnny/he #ushed his white-blond hair
back out of his eyes/you get hardened in .ail. I don't want that to
ha##en to you. +ike it ha##ened to me.../
I ke#t staring out the window at the ra#idly #assing scenery, but
I felt my eyes getting round. 'ally never talked like that. Never. 'ally
didn't give a :ankee dime about anyone but himself, and he was cold
and hard and mean. ,e never talked about his #ast or being in .ail
that wayif he talked about it at all, it was to brag. (nd I suddenly
thought of 'ally... in .ail at the age of ten... 'ally growing u# in the
streets...
/%ould you rather have me living in hide-outs for the rest of my
life, always on the run8/ 6ohnny asked seriously.
If 'ally had said yes, 6ohnny would have gone back to the
church without hesitation. ,e figured 'ally knew more than he did,
and 'ally's word was law. "ut he never heard 'ally's answer, for we
had reached the to# of 6ay ountain and 'ally suddenly slammed on
the brakes and stared. /3h, glory0/ he whis#ered. 2he church was on
fire0
/+et's go see what the deal is,/ I said, ho##ing out.
/%hat for8/ 'ally sounded irritated. /-et back in here before I
beat your head in./
I knew 'ally would have to #ark the car and catch me before he
could carry out his threat, and 6ohnny was already out and following
me, so I figured I was safe. %e could hear him cussing us out, but he
wasn't mad enough to come after us. 2here was a crowd at the front of
the church, mostly little kids, and I wondered how they'd gotten there
so !uickly. I ta##ed the nearest grownu#. /%hat's going on8/
/%ell, we don't know for sure,/ the man said with a good-
natured grin. /%e were having a school #icnic u# here and the first
thing we knew, the #lace is burning u#. 2hank goodness this is a wet
season and the old thing is worthless anyway./ 2hen, to the kids, he
shouted, /&tand back, children. 2he firemen will be coming soon./
/I bet we started it,/ I said to 6ohnny. /%e must have dro##ed a
lighted cigarette or something./
(bout that time a lady came running u#. /6erry, some of the
kids are missing./
/2hey're #robably around here somewhere. :ou can't tell with
all this e$citement where they might be./
/No./ &he shook her head. /2hey've been missing for at least a
half an hour. I thought they were climbing the hill.../
2hen we all fro9e. )aintly, .ust faintly, you could hear someone
yelling. (nd it sounded like it was coming from inside the church.
2he woman went white. /I told them not to #lay in the church...
I told them.../ &he looked like she was going to start screaming, so
6erry shook her.
/I'll get them, don't worry0/ I started at a dead run for the
church, and the man caught my arm. /I'll get them. :ou kids stay
out0/
I .erked loose and ran on. (ll I could think was: %e started it.
%e started it. %e started it0
I wasn't about to go through that flaming door, so I slammed a
big rock through a window and #ulled myself in. It was a wonder I
didn't cut myself to death, now that I think about it.
/,ey, Ponyboy./
I looked around, startled. I hadn't reali9ed 6ohnny had been
right behind me all the way. I took a dee# breath, and started
coughing. 2he smoke filled my eyes and they started watering. /Is
that guy coming8/
6ohnny shook his head. /2he window sto##ed him./
/2oo scared8/
/Naw.../ 6ohnny gave me a grin. /2oo fat/
I couldn't laugh because I was scared I'd drown in the smoke.
2he roar and crackling was getting louder, and 6ohnny shouted the
ne$t !uestion.
/%here's the kids8/
/In the back, I guess,/ I hollered, and we started stumbling
through the church. I should be scared, I thought with an odd
detached feeling, but I'm not. 2he cinders and embers began falling
on us, stinging and smarting like ants. &uddenly, in the red glow and
the ha9e, I remembered wondering what it was like in a burning
ember, and I thought: Now I know, it's a red hell. %hy aren't I
scared8
%e #ushed o#en the door to the back room and found four or
five little kids, about eight years old or younger, huddled in a corner.
3ne was screaming his head off, and 6ohnny yelled, /&hut u#0 %e're
goin' to get you out0/ 2he kid looked sur#rised and !uit hollering. I
blinked myself6ohnny wasn't behaving at all like his old self. ,e
looked over his shoulder and saw that the door was blocked by
flames, then #ushed o#en the window and tossed out the nearest kid.
I caught one !uick look at his face* it was red marked from falling
embers and sweat streaked, but he grinned at me. ,e wasn't scared
either. 2hat was the only time I can think of when I saw him without
that defeated, sus#icious look in his eyes. ,e looked like he was
having the time of his life.
I #icked u# a kid, and he #rom#tly bit me, but I leaned out, the
window and dro##ed him as gently as I could, being in a hurry like
that. ( crowd was there by that time. 'ally was standing there, and
when he saw me he screamed, /)or Pete's sake, get outa there0 2hat
roofs gonna cave in any minute. )orget those blasted kids0/
I didn't #ay any attention, although #ieces of the old roof were
crashing down too close for comfort. I snatched u# another kid,
ho#ing he didn't bite, and dro##ed him without waiting to see if he
landed okay or not. I was coughing so hard I could hardly stand u#,
and I wished I had time to take off 'ally's .acket. It was hot. %e
dro##ed the last of the kids out as the front of the church started to
crumble. 6ohnny shoved me toward the window. /-et out0/
I lea#ed out the window and heard timber crashing and the
flames roaring right behind me. I staggered, almost falling, coughing
and sobbing for breath. 2hen I heard 6ohnny scream, and as I turned
to go back for him, 'ally swore at me and clubbed me across the back
as hard as he could, and I went down into a #eaceful darkness.
WHEN I CA!E TO, I was being bounced around, and I ached
and smarted, and wondered dimly where I was. I tried to think but
there was a high-#itched screaming going on, and I couldn't tell
whether it was inside my head or out. 2hen I reali9ed it was a siren.
2he fu99, I thought dully. 2he co#s have come for us. I tried to
swallow a groan and wished wildly for &oda. &omeone with a cold wet
rag was gently s#onging off my face, and a voice said, /I think he's
coming around./
I o#ened my eyes. It was dark. I'm moving, I thought. (re they
taking me to .ail8
/%here...8/ I said hoarsely, not able to get anything else out of
my mouth. y throat was sore. I blinked at the stranger sitting beside
me. "ut he wasn't a stranger... I'd seen him before...
/2ake it easy, kid. :ou're in an ambulance./
/%here's 6ohnny8/ I cried, frightened at being in this car with
strangers. /(nd 'allas8/
/2hey're in the other ambulance, right behind us. 6ust calm
down. :ou're going to be okay. :ou .ust #assed out/
/I didn't either,/ I said in the bored, tough voice we reserved for
strangers and co#s. /'allas hit me. ,ow come8/
/"ecause your back was in flames, that's why./
I was sur#rised. /It was8 -olly, I didn't feel it. It don't hurt./
/%e #ut it out before you got burned. 2hat .acket saved you
from a bad burning, maybe saved your life. :ou .ust keeled over from
smoke inhalation and a little shockof course, that sla# on the back
didn't hel# much./
I remembered who he was then6erry somebody-or-other who
was too heavy to get in the window. ,e must be a school teacher, I
thought. /(re you taking us to the #olice station8/ I was still a little
mi$ed u# as to what was coming off.
/2he #olice station8/ It was his turn to be sur#rised. /%hat
would we want to take you to the #olice station for8 %e're taking all
three of you to the hos#ital./
I let his first remark slide by. /(re 6ohnny and 'ally all right8/
/%hich one's which8/
/6ohnny has black hair. 'ally's the mean-looking one./
,e studied his wedding ring. aybe he's thinking about his
wife, I thought. I wished he'd say something.
/%e think the towheaded kid is going to be all right. ,e burned
one arm #retty badly, though, trying to drag the other kid out the
window. 6ohnny, well, I don't know about him. ( #iece of timber
caught him across the backhe might have a broken back, and he was
burned #retty severely. ,e #assed out before he got out the window.
2hey're giving him #lasma now./ ,e must have seen the look on my
face because he hurriedly changed the sub.ect. /I swear, you three are
the bravest kids I've seen in a long time. )irst you and the black
haired kid climbing in that window, and then the tough-looking kid
going back in to save him. rs. 3'"riant and I think you were sent
straight from heaven. 3r are you .ust #rofessional heroes or
something8/
&ent from heaven8 ,ad he gotten a good look at 'allas8 /No,
we're greasers,/ I said. I was too worried and scared to a##reciate the
fact that he was trying to be funny.
/:ou're what8/
/-reasers. :ou know, like hoods, 6''s. 6ohnny is wanted for
murder, and 'allas has a record with the fu99 a mile long./
/(re you kidding me8/ 6erry stared at me as if he thought I was
still in shock or something.
/I am not. 2ake me to town and you'll find out #retty !uick./
/%e're taking you to a hos#ital there anyway. 2he address card
in your billfold said that was where you lived. :our name's really
Ponyboy8/
/:eah. 1ven on my birth certificate. (nd don't bug me about it.
(re.../I felt weak/are the little kids okay8/
/6ust fine. ( little frightened maybe. 2here were some short
e$#losions right after you all got out. &ounded .ust e$actly like
gunfire./
-unfire. 2here went our gun. (nd Gone with the Wind. %ere
we sent from heaven8 I started to laugh weakly. I guess that guy knew
how close to hysterics I really was, for he talked to me in a low
soothing voice all the way to the hos#ital.
I WAS SITTIN in the waiting room, waiting to hear how
'ally and 6ohnny were. I had been checked over, and e$ce#t for a few
burns and a big bruise across my back, I was all right. I had watched
them bring 'ally and 6ohnny in on stretchers. 'ally's eyes were
closed, but when I s#oke he had tried to grin and had told me that if I
ever did a stu#id thing like that again he'd beat the tar out of me. ,e
was still swearing at me when they took him on in. 6ohnny was
unconscious. I had been afraid to look at him, but I was relieved to
see that his face wasn't burned. ,e .ust looked very #ale and still and
sort of sick. I would have cried at the sight of him so still e$ce#t I
couldn't in front of #eo#le.
6erry %ood had stayed with me all the time. ,e ke#t thanking
me for getting the kids out. ,e didn't seem to mind our being hoods. I
told him the whole storystarting when 'allas and 6ohnny and I had
met at the corner of Pickett and &utton. I left out the #art about the
gun and our hitching a ride in the freight car. ,e was real nice about
it and said that being heroes would hel# get us out of trouble,
es#ecially since it was self-defense and all.
I was sitting there, smoking a cigarette, when 6erry came back
in from making a #hone call. ,e stared at me for a second. /:ou
shouldn't be smoking./
I was startled. /,ow come8/ I looked at my cigarette. It looked
okay to me. I looked around for a /No &moking/ sign and couldn't
find one. /,ow come8/
/%hy, uh,/ 6erry stammered, /uh, you're too young./
/I am8/ I had never thought about it. 1veryone in our
neighborhood, even the girls, smoked. 1$ce#t for 'arry, who was too
#roud of his athletic health to risk a cigarette, we had all started
smoking at an early age. 6ohnny had been smoking since he was nine*
&teve started at eleven. &o no one thought it unusual when I started. I
was the weed-fiend in my family&oda smokes only to steady his
nerves or when he wants to look tough.
6erry sim#ly sighed, then grinned. /2here are some #eo#le here
to see you. 5laim to be your brothers or something./
I lea#ed u# and ran for the door, but it was already o#en and
&oda had me in a bear hug and was swinging me around. I was so
glad to see him I could have bawled. )inally he set me down and
looked at me. ,e #ushed my hair back. /3h, Ponyboy, your hair...
your tuff, tuff hair.../
2hen I saw 'arry. ,e was leaning in the doorway, wearing his
olive .eans and black 2-shirt. ,e was still tall, broad-shouldered
'arry* but his fists were .ammed in his #ockets and his eyes were
#leading. I sim#ly looked at him. ,e swallowed and said in a husky
voice, /Ponyboy.../
I let go of &oda and stood there for a minute. 'arry didn't like
me... he had driven me away that night... he had hit me... 'arry
hollered at me all the time... he didn't give a hang about me....
&uddenly I reali9ed, horrified, that 'arry was crying. ,e didn't make
a sound, but tears were running down his cheeks. I hadn't seen him
cry in years, not even when om and 'ad had been killed. <I
remembered the funeral. I had sobbed in s#ite of myself* &oda had
broken down and bawled like a baby* but 'arry had only stood there,
his fists in his #ockets and that look on his face, the same hel#less,
#leading look that he was wearing now.=
In that second what &oda and 'ally and 2wo-"it had been
trying to tell me came through. 'arry did care about me, maybe as
much as he cared about &oda, and because he cared he was trying too
hard to make something of me. %hen he yelled /Pony, where have
you been all this time8/ he meant /Pony, you've scared me to death.
Please be careful, because I couldn't stand it if anything ha##ened to
you./
'arry looked down and turned away silently. &uddenly I broke
out of my da9e.
/'arry0/ I screamed, and the ne$t thing I knew I had him
around the waist and was s!uee9ing the daylights out of him.
/'arry,/ I said, /I'm sorry.../
,e was stroking my hair and I could hear the sobs racking him
as he fought to kee# back the tears. /3h, Pony, I thought we'd lost
you... like we did om and 'ad.../
2hat was his silent fear thenof losing another #erson he loved.
I remembered how close he and 'ad had been, and I wondered how I
could ever have thought him hard and unfeeling. I listened to his
heart #ounding through his 2-shirt and knew everything was going to
be okay now. I had taken the long way around, but I was finally home.
2o stay.



Chapter -

NOW THE"E WE"E three of us sitting in the waiting room
waiting to hear how 'ally and 6ohnny were. 2hen the re#orters and
the #olice came. 2hey asked too many !uestions too fast, and got me
mi$ed u#. If you want to know the truth, I wasn't feeling real good in
the first #lace. ;ind of sick, really. (nd I'm scared of #olicemen
anyway. 2he re#orters fired one !uestion right after another at me
and got me so confused I didn't know what was coming off. 'arry
finally told them I wasn't in any sha#e to be yelled at so much and
they slowed down a little. 'arry's kinda big.
&oda#o# ke#t them in stitches. ,e'd grab one guy's #ress hat
and another's camera and walk around interviewing the nurses and
mimicking 2> re#orters. ,e tried to lift a #oliceman's gun and
grinned so cra9ily when he was caught that the #oliceman had to grin
too. &oda can make anyone grin. I managed to get hold of some hair
grease and comb my hair back so that it looked a little better before
they got any #ictures. I'd die if I got my #icture in the #a#er with my
hair looking so lousy. 'arry and &oda#o# were in the #ictures too*
6erry %ood told me that if &oda#o# and 'arry hadn't been so good-
looking, they wouldn't have taken so many. 2hat was #ublic a##eal,
he said.
&oda was really getting a kick out of all this. I guess he would
have en.oyed it more if it hadn't been so serious, but he couldn't resist
anything that caused that much e$citement. I swear, sometimes he
reminds me of a colt. ( long-legged #alomino colt that has to get his
nose into everything. 2he re#orters stared at him admiringly* I told
you he looks like a movie star, and he kind of radiates.
)inally, even &oda#o# got tired of the re#orterhe gets bored
with the same old thing after a timeand stretching out on the long
bench, he #ut his head in 'arry's la# and went to slee#. I guess both
of them were tiredit was late at night and I knew they hadn't had
much slee# during the week. 1ven while I was answering !uestions I
remembered that it had been only a few hours since I was slee#ing off
a smoke in the corner of the church. (lready it was an unreal dream
and yet, at the time I couldn't have imagined any other world. )inally,
the re#orters started to leave, along with the #olice. 3ne of them
turned and asked, /%hat would you do right now if you could do
anything you wanted8/
I looked at him tiredly. /2ake a bath./
2hey thought that was #retty funny, but I meant it. I felt lousy.
2he hos#ital got real !uiet after they left. 2he only noise was the
nurse's soft footste#s and &oda's light breathing. 'arry looked down
at him and grinned half-heartedly. /,e didn't get much slee# this
week,/ he said softly. /,e hardly sle#t at all./
/,hhmmmm,/ &oda said drowsily, /you didn't either./
2he nurses wouldn't tell us anything about 6ohnny and 'ally, so
'arry got hold of the doctor. 2he doctor told us that he would talk
only to the family, but 'arry finally got it through the guy's head that
we were about as much family as 'ally and 6ohnny had.
'ally would be okay after two or three days in the hos#ital, he
said. 3ne arm was badly burned and would be scarred for the rest of
his life, but he would have full use of it in a cou#le of weeks. 'ally'll
be okay, I thought. 'allas is always okay. ,e could take anything. It
was 6ohnny I was worried about.
,e was in critical condition. ,is back had been broken when
that #iece of timber fell on him. ,e was in severe shock and suffering
from third-degree burns. 2hey were doing everything they could to
ease the #ain, although since his back was broken he couldn't even
feel the burns below his waist. ,e ke#t calling for 'allas and
Ponyboy. If he lived... +f- Please, no, I thought. Please not /if./ 2he
blood was draining from my face and 'arry #ut an arm across my
shoulder and s!uee9ed hard.... 1ven if he lived he'd be cri##led for
the rest of his life. /:ou wanted it straight and you got it straight,/ the
doctor said. /Now go home and get some rest./
I was trembling. ( #ain was growing in my throat and I wanted
to cry, but greasers don't cry in front of strangers. &ome of us never
cry at all. +ike 'ally and 2wo-"it and 2im &he#ardthey forgot how
at an early age. 6ohnny cri##led for life8 I'm dreaming, I thought in
#anic, I'm dreaming. I'll wake u# at home or in the church and
everything'll be like it used to be. "ut I didn't believe myself. 1ven if
6ohnny did live he'd be cri##led and never #lay football or hel# us out
in a rumble again. ,e'd have to stay in that house he hated, where he
wasn't wanted, and things could never be like they used to be. I didn't
trust myself to s#eak. If I said one word, the hard knot in my throat
would swell and I'd be crying in s#ite of myself.
I took a dee# breath and ke#t my mouth shut. &oda was awake
by then, and although he looked stony-faced, as if he hadn't heard a
word the doctor had said, his eyes were bleak and stunned. &erious
reality has a hard time coming through to &oda, but when it does, it
hits him hard. ,e looked like I felt when I had seen that black-haired
&oc lying doubled u# and still in the moonlight.
'arry was rubbing the back of my head softly. /%e'd better go
home. %e can't do anything here./
In our )ord I was suddenly overcome by slee#iness. I leaned
back and closed my eyes and we were home before I knew it. &oda
was shaking me gently. /,ey, Ponyboy, wake u#. :ou still got to get to
the house./
/,mmmmm,/ I said slee#ily, and lay down in the seat. I
couldn't have gotten u# to save my life. I could hear &oda and 'arry,
but as if from a great distance.
/3h, come on, Ponyboy,/ &oda #leaded, shaking me a little
harder, /we're slee#y, too./
I guess 'arry was tired of fooling around, because he #icked me
u# and carried me in.
/,e's getting mighty big to be carried,/ &oda said. I wanted to
tell him to shut u# and let me slee# but I only yawned.
/,e's sure lost a lot of weight,/ 'arry said.
I thought slee#ily that I should at least #ull off my shoes but I
didn't. I went to slee# the minute 'arry tossed me on the bed. I'd
forgotten how soft a bed really was.
I WAS THE $I"ST ONE u# the ne$t morning. &oda must
have #ulled my shoes and shirt off for me* I was still wearing my
.eans. ,e must have been too slee#y to undress himself, though* he
lay stretched out beside me fully clothed. I wiggled out from under his
arm and #ulled the blanket u# over him, then went to take a shower.
(slee#, he looked a lot younger than going-on-seventeen, but I had
noticed that 6ohnny looked younger when he was aslee#, too, so I
figured everyone did. aybe #eo#le are younger when they are
aslee#.
(fter my shower, I #ut on some clean clothes and s#ent five
minutes or so hunting for a hint of beard on my face and mourning
over my hair. 2hat bum haircut made my ears stick out.
'arry was still aslee# when I went into the kitchen to fi$
breakfast. 2he first one u# has to fi$ breakfast and the other two do
the dishes. 2hat's the rule around our house, and usually it's 'arry
who fi$es breakfast and me and &oda who are left with the dishes. I
hunted through the icebo$ and found some eggs. %e all like our eggs
done differently. I like them hard, 'arry likes them in a bacon-and-
tomato sandwich, and &oda#o# eats his with gra#e .elly. (ll three of
us like chocolate cake for breakfast. om had never allowed it with
ham and eggs, but 'arry let &oda and me talk him into it. %e really
didn't have to twist his arm* 'arry loves chocolate cake as much as we
do. &oda#o# always makes sure there's some in the icebo$ every night
and if there isn't he cooks one u# real !uick. I like 'arry's cakes
better* &oda#o# always #uts too much sugar in the icing. I don't see
how he stands .elly and eggs and chocolate cake all at once, but he
seems to like it. 'arry drinks black coffee, and &oda#o# and I drink
chocolate milk. %e could have coffee if we wanted it, but we like
chocolate milk. (ll three of us are cra9y about chocolate stuff. &oda
says if they ever make a chocolate cigarette I'll have it made.
/(nybody home8/ a familiar voice called through the front
screen, and 2wo-"it and &teve came in. %e always .ust stick our
heads into each other's houses and holler /,ey/ and walk in. 3ur
front door is always unlocked in case one of the boys is hacked off at
his #arents and needs a #lace to lay over and cool off. %e never could
tell who we'd find stretched out on the sofa in the morning. It was
usually &teve, whose father told him about once a week to get out and
never come back. It kind of bugs &teve, even if his old man does give
him five or si$ bucks the ne$t day to make u# for it. 3r it might be
'ally, who lived anywhere he could. 3nce we even found 2im
&he#ard, leader of the &he#ard gang and far from his own turf,
reading the morning #a#er in the armchair. ,e merely looked u#,
said /,i,/ and strolled out without staying for breakfast. 2wo-"it's
mother warned us about burglars, but 'arry, fle$ing his muscles so
that they bulged like oversi9ed baseballs, drawled that he wasn't
afraid of any burglars, and that we didn't really have anything worth
taking. ,e'd risk a robbery, he said, if it meant kee#ing one of the
boys from blowing u# and robbing a gas station or something. &o the
door was never locked.
/In here0/ I yelled, forgetting that 'arry and &oda#o# were still
aslee#. /'on't slam the door./
2hey slammed the door, of course, and 2wo-"it came running
into the kitchen. ,e caught me by the u##er arms and swung me
around, ignoring the fact that I had two uncooked eggs in my hand.
/,ey, Ponyboy,/ he cried gleefully, /long time no see./
:ou would have thought it had been five years instead of five
days since I'd seen him last, but I didn't mind. I like of 2wo-"it* he's a
good buddy to have. ,e s#un me into &teve, who gave me a #layful
sla# on my bruised back and shoved me across the room. 3ne of the
eggs went flying. It landed on the clock and I tightened my gri# on the
other one, so that it crushed and ran all over my hand.
/Now look what you did,/ I gri#ed. /2here went our breakfast.
5an't you two wait till I set the eggs down before you go shovin' me all
over the country8/ I really was a little mad, because I had .ust reali9ed
how long it had been since I'd eaten anything. 2he last thing I'd eaten
was a hot fudge sundae at the 'airy 4ueen in %indri$ville, and I was
hungry.
2wo-"it was walking in a slow circle around me, and I sighed
because I knew what was coming.
/an, dig baldy here0/ ,e was staring at my head as he circled
me. /I wouldn't have believed it. I thought all the wild Indians in
3klahoma had been tamed. %hat little s!uaw's got that tuff-lookin'
mo# of yours, Ponyboy8/
/(w, lay off,/ I said. I wasn't feeling too good in the first #lace,
kind of like I was coming down with something. 2wo-"it winked at
&teve, and &teve said, /%hy, he had to get a haircut to get his #icture
in the #a#er. 2hey'd never believe a greasy lookin' mug could be a
hero. ,ow do you like bein' a hero, big shot8/
/,ow do I like what8/
/"eing a hero. :ou know/he shoved the morning #a#er at me
im#atiently/like a big shot, even./
I stared at the news#a#er. 3n the front #age of the second
section was the headline: 6@>1NI+1 '1+IN4@1N2& 2@7N
,1731&.
/%hat I like is the 'turn' bit,/ 2wo-"it said, cleaning the egg u#
off the floor. /:'all were heroes from the beginning. :ou .ust didn't
'turn' all of a sudden./
I hardly heard him. I was reading the #a#er. 2hat whole #age
was covered with stories about usthe fight, the murder, the church
burning, the &ocs being drunk, everything. y #icture was there, with
'arry and &oda#o#. 2he article told how 6ohnny and I had risked our
lives saving those little kids, and there was a comment from one of the
#arents, who said that they would all have burned to death if it hadn't
been for us. It told the whole story of our fight with the &ocsonly
they didn't say /&ocs,/ because most grownu#s don't know about the
battles that go on between us. 2hey had interviewed 5herry >alance,
and she said "ob had been drunk and that the boys had been looking
for a fight when they took her home. "ob had told her he'd fi$ us for
#icking u# his girl. ,is buddy 7andy (dderson, who had hel#ed lum#
us, also said it was their fault and that we'd only fought back in self-
defense. "ut they were charging 6ohnny with manslaughter. 2hen I
discovered that I was su##osed to a##ear at .uvenile court for running
away, and 6ohnny was too, if he recovered. <Not if, I thought again.
%hy do they kee# saying if8= )or once, there weren't any charges
against 'ally, and I knew he'd be mad because the #a#er made him
out a hero for saving 6ohnny and didn't say much about his #olice
record, which he was kind of #roud of. ,e'd kill those re#orters if he
got hold of them. 2here was another column about .ust 'arry and
&oda and me: how 'arry worked on two .obs at once and made good
at both of them, and about his outstanding record at school* it
mentioned &oda#o# dro##ing out of school so we could stay together,
and that I made the honor roll at school all the time and might be a
future track star. <3h, yeah, I forgotI'm on the (-s!uad track team,
the youngest one. I'm a good runner.= 2hen it said we shouldn't be
se#arated after we had worked so hard to stay together.
2he meaning of that last line finally hit me. /:ou mean.../I
swallowed hard/that they're thinking about #utting me and &oda in
a boys' home or something8/
&teve was carefully combing back his hair in com#licated swirls.
/&omethin' like that./
I sat down in a da9e. %e couldn't get hauled off now. Not after
me and 'arry had finally got through to each other, and now that the
big rumble was coming u# and we would settle this &oc-greaser thing
once and for all. Not now, when 6ohnny needed us and 'ally was still
in the hos#ital and wouldn't be out for the rumble.
/No,/ I said out loud, and 2wo-"it, who was scra#ing the egg off
the clock, turned to stare at me.
/No what8/
/No, they ain't goin' to #ut us in a boys' home./
/'on't worry about it,/ &teve said, cocksure that he and
&oda#o# could handle anything that came u#. /2hey don't do things
like that to heroes. %here're &oda and &u#erman8/
2hat was as far as he got, because 'arry, shaved and dressed,
came in behind &teve and lifted him u# off the floor, then dro##ed
him. %e all call 'arry /&u#erman/ or /uscles/ at one time or
another* but one time &teve made the mistake of referring to him as
/all brawn and no brain,/ and 'arry almost shattered &teve's .aw.
&teve didn't call him that again, but 'arry never forgave him* 'arry
has never really gotten over not going to college. 2hat was the only
time I've ever seen &oda mad at &teve, although &oda attaches no
im#ortance to education. &chool bored him. No action.
&oda came running in. /%here's that blue shirt I washed
yesterday8/ ,e took a swig of chocolate milk out of the container.
/,ate to tell you, buddy,/ &teve said, still flat on the floor, /but
you have to wear clothes to work. 2here's a law or something./
/3h, yeah,/ &oda said. /%here're those wheat .eans, too8/
/I ironed. 2hey're in my closet,/ 'arry said. /,urry u#, you're
gonna be late./
&oda ran back, muttering, /I'm hurryin', I'm hurryin'./
&teve followed him and in a second there was the general racket
of a #illow fight. I absentmindedly watched 'arry as he searched the
icebo$ for chocolate cake.
/'arry,/ I said suddenly, /did you know about the .uvenile
court8/
%ithout turning to look at me he said evenly, /:eah, the co#s
told me last night./
I knew then that he reali9ed we might get se#arated. I didn't
want to worry him any more, but I said, /I had one of those dreams
last night. 2he one I can't ever remember./
'arry s#un around to face me, genuine fear on his face.
/%hat8/
I HAD A NIHT!A"E the night of om and 'ad's funeral.
I'd had nightmares and wild dreams every once in a while when I was
little, but nothing like this one. I woke u# screaming bloody murder.
(nd I never could remember what it was that had scared me. It scared
&oda#o# and 'arry almost as bad as it scared me* for night after
night, for weeks on end, I would dream this dream and wake u# in a
cold sweat or screaming. (nd I never could remember e$actly what
ha##ened in it. &oda began slee#ing with me, and it sto##ed recurring
so often, but it ha##ened often enough for 'arry to take me to a
doctor. 2he doctor said I had too much imagination. ,e had a sim#le
cure, too: &tudy harder, read more, draw more, and #lay football
more. (fter a hard game of football and four or five hours of reading,
I was too e$hausted, mentally and #hysically, to dream anything. "ut
'arry never got over it, and every once in a while he would ask me if I
ever dreamed any more.
/%as it very bad8/ 2wo-"it !uestioned. ,e knew the whole
story, and having never dreamed about anything but blondes, he was
interested.
/No,/ I lied. I had awakened in a cold sweat and shivering, but
&oda was dead to the world. I had .ust wiggled closer to him and
stayed awake for a cou#le of hours, trembling under his arm. 2hat
dream always scared the heck out of me.
'arry started to say something, but before he could begin,
&oda#o# and &teve came in.
/:ou know what8/ &oda#o# said to no one in #articular. /%hen
we stom# the &ocies good, me and &tevie here are gonna throw a big
#arty and everybody can get stoned. 2hen we'll go chase the &ocs
clear to e$ico./
/%here you gonna get the dough, little man8/ 'arry had found
the cake and was handing out #ieces.
/I'll think of somethin',/ &oda#o# assured him between bites.
/:ou going to take &andy to the #arty8/ I asked, .ust to be
saying something. Instant silence. I looked around. /%hat's the deal8/
&oda#o# was staring at his feet, but his ears were reddening.
/No. &he went to live with her grandmother in )lorida./
/,ow come8/
/+ook,/ &teve said, sur#risingly angry, /does he have to draw
you a #icture8 It was either that or get married, and her #arents
almost hit the roof at the idea of her marryin' a si$teen-year-old kid./
/&eventeen,/ &oda said softly. /I'll be seventeen in a cou#le of
weeks./
/3h,/ I said, embarrassed. &oda was no innocent* I had been in
on bull sessions and his bragging was as loud as anyone's. "ut never
about &andy. Not ever about &andy. I remembered how her blue eyes
had glowed when she looked at him, and I was sorry for her.
2here was a heavy silence. 2hen 'arry said, /%e'd better get on
to work, Pe#si-5ola./ 'arry rarely called &oda by 'ad's #et nickname
for him, but he did so then because he knew how miserable &oda#o#
was about &andy.
/I hate to leave you here by yourself, Ponyboy,/ 'arry said
slowly. /aybe I ought to take the day off./
/I've stayed by my lonesome before. :ou can't afford a day off./
/:eah, but you .ust got back and I really ought to stay.../
/I'll baby-sit him,/ 2wo-"it said, ducking as I took a swing at
him. /I haven't got anything better to do./
/%hy don't you get a .ob8/ &teve said. /1ver consider working
for a living8/
/%ork8/ 2wo-"it was aghast. /(nd ruin my re#8 I wouldn't be
baby-sittin' the kid here if I knew of some good day-nursery o#en on
&aturdays./
I #ulled his chair over backward and .um#ed on him, but he had
me down in a second. I was kind of short on wind. I've got to cut out
smoking or I won't make track ne$t year.
/,oller uncle./
/No#e,/ I said, struggling, but I didn't have my usual strength.
'arry was #ulling on his .acket. /:ou two do u# the dishes. :ou
can go to the movies if you want to before you go see 'ally and
6ohnny./ ,e #aused for a second, watching 2wo-"it s!uash the heck
out of me. /2wo-"it, lay off. ,e ain't lookin' so good. Ponyboy, you
take a cou#le of as#irins and go easy. :ou smoke more than a #ack
today and I'll skin you. @nderstood8/
/:eah,/ I said, getting to my feet. /:ou carry more than one
bundle of roofing at a time today and me and &oda'll skin you.
@nderstood8/
,e grinned one of his rare grins. /:eah. &ee y'all this
afternoon./
/"ye,/ I said. I heard our )ord's vvrrrooooo, and thought:
&oda's driving. (nd they left.
/...anyway, I was walking around downtown and started to take
this short cut through an alley/2wo-"it was telling me about one of
his many e$#loits while we did the dishes. I mean, while I did the
dishes. ,e was sitting on the cabinet, shar#ening that black handled
switchblade he was so #roud of/... and I ran into three guys. I says
',owdy' and they .ust look at each other. 2hen one says '%e would
.um# you but since you're as slick as us we figger you don't have
nothin' worth takin'.' I says '"uddy, that's the truth' and went right
on. oral: %hat's the safest thing to be when one is met by a gang of
social outcasts in an alley8/
/( .udo e$#ert8/ I suggested.
/No, another social outcast0/ 2wo-"it yel#ed, and nearly fell off
the cabinet from laughing so hard. I had to grin, too. ,e saw things
straight and made them into something funny.
/%e're gonna clean u# the house,/ I said. /2he re#orters or
#olice or somebody might come by, and anyway, it's time for those
guys from the state to come by and check u# on us./
/2his house ain't messy. :ou oughtta see my house./
/I have. (nd if you had the sense of a billy goat you'd try to hel#
around your #lace instead of bumming around./
/&hoot, kid, if I ever did that my mom would die of shock./
I liked 2wo-"it's mother. &he had the same good humor and
easygoing ways that he did. &he wasn't la9y like him, but she let him
get away with murder. I don't know, thoughit's .ust about
im#ossible to get mad at him.
%hen we had finished, I #ulled on 'ally's brown leather .acket
the back was burned blackand we started for 2enth &treet.
/I would drive us,/ 2wo-"it said as we walked u# the street
trying to thumb a ride, /but the brakes are out on my car. (lmost
killed me and ;athy the other night./ ,e fli##ed the collar of his black
leather .acket u# to serve as a windbreak while he lit a cigarette. /:ou
oughtta see ;athy's brother. Now there's a hood. ,e's so greasy he
glides when he walks. ,e goes to the barber for an oil change, not a
haircut./
I would have laughed, but I had a terrific headache. %e sto##ed
at the 2asty )ree9e to buy 5okes and rest u#, and the blue ustang
that had been trailing us for eight blocks #ulled in. I almost decided to
run, and 2wo-"it must have guessed this, for he shook his head ever
so slightly and tossed me a cigarette. (s I lit u#, the &ocs who had
.um#ed 6ohnny and me at the #ark ho##ed out of the ustang. I
recogni9ed 7andy (dderson, arcia's boyfriend, and the tall guy that
had almost drowned me. I hated them. It was their fault "ob was
dead* their fault 6ohnny was dying* their fault &oda and I might get
#ut in a boys' home. I hated them as bitterly and as contem#tuously
as 'ally %inston hated.
2wo-"it #ut an elbow on my shoulder and leaned against me,
dragging on his cigarette. /:ou know the rules. No .a99 before the
rumble,/ he said to the &ocs.
/%e know,/ 7andy said. ,e looked at me. /5ome here. I want to
talk to you./
I glanced at 2wo-"it. ,e shrugged. I followed 7andy over to his
car, out of earshot of the rest. %e sat there in his car for a second,
silent. -olly, that was the tuffest car I've ever been in.
/I read about you in the #a#er,/ 7andy said finally. /,ow
come8/
I don't know. aybe I felt like #laying hero./
/I wouldn't have. I would have let those kids burn to death./
/:ou might not have. :ou might have done the same thing./
7andy #ulled out a cigarette and #ressed in the car lighter. /I
don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I would never have
believed a greaser could #ull something like that./
/ '-reaser' didn't have anything to do with it. y buddy over
there wouldn't have done it. aybe you would have done the same
thing, maybe a friend of yours wouldn't have. It's the individual./
/I'm not going to show at the rumble tonight,/ 7andy said
slowly.
I took a good look at him. ,e was seventeen or so, but he was
already old. +ike 'allas was old. 5herry had said her friends were too
cool to feel anything, and yet she could remember watching sunsets.
7andy was su##osed to be too cool to feel anything, and yet there was
#ain in his eyes.
/I'm sick of all this. &ick and tired. "ob was a good guy. ,e was
the best buddy a guy ever had. I mean, he was a good fighter and tuff
and everything, but he was a real #erson too. :ou dig8/
I nodded.
/,e's deadhis mother has had a nervous breakdown. 2hey
s#oiled him rotten. I mean, most #arents would be #roud of a kid like
thatgood-lookin' and smart and everything, but they gave in to him
all the time. ,e ke#t trying to make someone say 'No' and they never
did. 2hey never did. 2hat was what he wanted. )or somebody to tell
him 'No.' 2o have somebody lay down the law, set the limits, give him
something solid to stand on. 2hat's what we all want, really. 3ne
time.../7andy tried to grin, but I could tell he was close to tears
/one time he came home drunker than anything. ,e thought sure
they were gonna raise the roof. :ou know what they did8 2hey
thought it was something they%d done. 2hey thought it was their fault
that they'd failed him and driven him to it or something. 2hey took
all the blame and didn't do anything to him. If his old man had .ust
belted him.ust once, he might still be alive. I don't know why I'm
telling you this. I couldn't tell anyone else. y friendsthey'd think I
was off my rocker or turning soft. aybe I am. I .ust know that I'm
sick of this whole mess. 2hat kidyour buddy, the one that got
burnedhe might die8/
/:eah,/ I said, trying not to think about 6ohnny.
/(nd tonight... #eo#le get hurt in rumbles, maybe killed. I'm
sick of it because it doesn't do any good. :ou can't win, you know that,
don't you8/ (nd when I remained silent he went on: /:ou can't win,
even if you whi# us. :ou'll still be where you were beforeat the
bottom. (nd we'll still be the lucky ones with all the breaks. &o it
doesn't do any good, the fighting and the killing. It doesn't #rove a
thing. %e'll forget it if you win, or if you don't. -reasers will still be
greasers and &ocs will still be &ocs. &ometimes I think it's the ones in
the middle that are really the lucky stiffs.../ ,e took a dee# breath.
/&o I'd fight if I thought it'd do any good. I think I'm going to leave
town. 2ake my little old ustang and all the dough I can carry and get
out./
/7unning away won't hel#./
/3h, hell, I know it,/ 7andy half-sobbed, /but what can I do8
I'm marked chicken if I #unk out at the rumble, and I'd hate myself if
I didn't. I don't know what to do./
/I'd hel# you if I could,/ I said. I remembered 5herry's voice:
Things are rough all over. I knew then what she meant.
,e looked at me. /No, you wouldn't. I'm a &oc. :ou get a little
money and the whole world hates you./
/No,/ I said, /you hate the whole world./
,e .ust looked at mefrom the way he looked he could have
been ten years older than he was. I got out of the car. /:ou would
have saved those kids if you had been there,/ I said. /:ou'd have saved
them the same as we did./
/2hanks, grease,/ he said, trying to grin. 2hen he sto##ed. /I
didn't mean that. I meant, thanks, kid./
/y name's Ponyboy,/ I said. /Nice talkin' to you, 7andy./
I walked over to 2wo-"it, and 7andy honked for his friends to
come and get into the car.
/%hat'd he want8/ 2wo-"it asked. /%hat'd r. &u#er-&oc have
to say8/
/,e ain't a &oc,/ I said, /he's .ust a guy. ,e .ust wanted to talk./
/:ou want to see a movie before we go see 6ohnny and 'allas8/
/No#e,/ I said, lighting u# another weed. I still had a headache,
but I felt better. &ocs were .ust guys after all. 2hings were rough all
over, but it was better that way. 2hat way you could tell the other guy
was human too.



Chapter .

THE NU"SES WOULDN/T let us see 6ohnny. ,e was in
critical condition. No visitors. "ut 2wo-"it wouldn't take no for an
answer. 2hat was his buddy in there and he aimed to see him. %e
both begged and #leaded, but we were getting nowhere until the
doctor found out what was going on.
/+et them go in,/ he said to the nurse. /,e's been asking for
them. It can't hurt now./
2wo-"it didn't notice the e$#ression in his voice. It's true, I
thought numbly, he is dying. %e went in, #ractically on ti#toe,
because the !uietness of the hos#ital scared us. 6ohnny was lying still,
with his eyes closed, but when 2wo-"it said, /,ey, 6ohnnykid,/ he
o#ened them and looked at us, trying to grin. /,ey, y'all./
2he nurse, who was #ulling the shades o#en, smiled and said,
/&o he can talk after all./
2wo-"it looked around. /2hey treatin' you okay, kid8/
/'on't.../6ohnny gas#ed/don't let me #ut enough grease on
my hair./
/'on't talk,/ 2wo-"it said, #ulling u# a chair, /.ust listen. %e'll
bring you some hair grease ne$t time. %e're havin' the big rumble
tonight./
6ohnny's huge black eyes widened a little, but he didn't say
anything.
/It's too bad you and 'ally can't be in it. It's the first big rumble
we've hadnot countin' the time we whi##ed &he#ard's outfit./
/,e came by,/ 6ohnny said.
/2im &he#ard8/
6ohnny nodded. /5ame to see 'ally./
2im and 'allas had always been buddies.
/'id you know you got your name in the #a#er for being a
hero8/
6ohnny almost grinned as he nodded. /2uff enough,/ he
managed, and by the way his eyes were glowing, I figured &outhern
gentlemen had nothing on 6ohnny 5ade.
I could see that even a few words were tiring him out* he was as
#ale as the #illow and looked awful. 2wo-"it #retended not to notice.
/:ou want anything besides hair grease, kid8/
6ohnny barely nodded. /2he book/he looked at me/can you
get another one8/
2wo-"it looked at me too. I hadn't told him about Gone with
the Wind.
/,e wants a co#y of Gone with the Wind so I can read it to
him,/ I e$#lained. /:ou want to run down to the drugstore and get
one8/
/3kay,/ 2wo-"it said cheerfully. /'on't y'all run off./
I sat down in 2wo-"it's chair and tried to think of something to
say. /'ally's gonna be okay,/ I said finally. /(nd 'arry and me, we're
okay now./
I knew 6ohnny understood what I meant. %e had always been
close buddies, and those lonely days in the church strengthened our
friendshi#. ,e tried to smile again, and then suddenly went white and
closed his eyes tight.
/6ohnny0/ I said, alarmed. /(re you okay8/
,e nodded, kee#ing his eyes closed. /:eah, it .ust hurts
sometimes. It usually don't... I can't feel anything below the middle of
my back.../
,e lay breathing heavily for a moment. /I'm #retty bad off, ain't
I, Pony8/
/:ou'll be okay,/ I said with fake cheerfulness. /:ou gotta be.
%e couldn't get along without you./
2he truth of that last statement hit me. %e couldn't get along
without him. %e needed 6ohnny as much as he needed the gang. (nd
for the same reason.
/I won't be able to walk again,/ 6ohnny started, then faltered.
/Not even on crutches. "usted my back./
/:ou'll be okay,/ I re#eated firmly. 'on't start crying, I
commanded myself, don't start crying, you'll scare 6ohnny.
/:ou want to know something, Ponyboy8 I'm scared stiff. I used
to talk about killing myself.../ ,e drew a !uivering breath. /I don't
want to die now. It ain't long enough. &i$teen years ain't long enough.
I wouldn't mind it so much if there wasn't so much stuff I ain't done
yetand so many things I ain't seen. It's not fair. :ou know what8
2hat time we were in %indri$ville was the only time I've been away
from our neighborhood./
/:ou ain't gonna die,/ I said, trying to hold my voice down.
/(nd don't get .uiced u#, because the doc won't let us see you no more
if you do./
&i$teen years on the streets and you can learn a lot. "ut all the
wrong things, not the things you want to learn. &i$teen years on the
streets and you see a lot. "ut all the wrong sights, not the sights you
want to see.
6ohnny closed his eyes and rested !uietly for a minute. :ears of
living on the 1ast &ide teaches you how to shut off your emotions. If
you didn't, you would e$#lode. :ou learn to cool it.
( nurse a##eared in the doorway. /6ohnny,/ she said !uietly,
/your mother's here to see you./
6ohnny o#ened his eyes. (t first they were wide with sur#rise,
then they darkened. /I don't want to see her,/ he said firmly.
/&he's your mother./
/I said I don't want to see her./ ,is voice was rising. /&he's
#robably come to tell me about all the trouble I'm causing her and
about how glad her and the old man'll be when I'm dead. %ell, tell
her to leave me alone. )or once/his voice broke/for once .ust to
leave me alone./ ,e was struggling to sit u#, but he suddenly gas#ed,
went whiter than the #illowcase, and #assed out cold.
2he nurse hurried me out the door. /I was afraid of something
like this if he saw anyone./
I ran into 2wo-"it, who was coming in.
/:ou can't see him now,/ the nurse said, so 2wo-"it handed her
the book. /ake sure he can see it when he comes around./ &he took
it and closed the door behind her. 2wo-"it stood and looked at the
door a long time. /I wish it was any one of us e$ce#t 6ohnny,/ he said,
and his voice was serious for once. /%e could get along without
anyone but 6ohnny./
2urning abru#tly, he said, /+et's go see 'allas./
(s we walked out into the hall, we saw 6ohnny's mother. I knew
her. &he was a little woman, with straight black hair and big black
eyes like 6ohnny's. "ut that was as far as the resemblance went.
6ohnnycake's eyes were fearful and sensitive* hers were chea# and
hard. (s we #assed her she was saying, /"ut I have a right to see him.
,e's my son. (fter all the trouble his father and I've gone to to raise
him, this is our reward: ,e'd rather see those no-count hoodlums
than his own folks.../ &he saw us and gave us such a look of hatred
that I almost backed u#. /It was your fault. (lways running around in
the middle of the night getting .ailed and heaven knows what else.../ I
thought she was going to cuss us out. I really did.
2wo-"it's eyes got narrow and I was afraid he was going to start
something. I don't like to hear women get sworn at, even if they
deserve it. /No wonder he hates your guts,/ 2wo-"it sna##ed. ,e was
going to tell her off real good, but I shoved him along. I felt sick. No
wonder 6ohnny didn't want to see her. No wonder he stayed
overnight at 2wo-"it's or at our house, and sle#t in the vacant lot in
good weather. I remembered my mother... beautiful and golden, like
&oda, and wise and firm, like 'arry.
/3h, lordy0/ 2here was a catch in 2wo-"it's voice and he was
closer to tears than I'd ever seen him. /,e has to live with that./
%e hurried to the elevator to get to the ne$t floor. I ho#ed the
nurse would have enough sense not to let 6ohnny's mother see him. It
would kill him.
DALLY WAS A"UIN with one of the nurses when we
came in. ,e grinned at us. /an, am I glad to see you0 2hese
hos#ital #eo#le won't let me smoke, and I want out0/
%e sat down, grinning at each other. 'ally was his usual mean,
ornery self. ,e was okay.
/&he#ard came by to see me a while ago./
/2hat's what 6ohnny said. %hat'd he want8/
/&aid he saw my #icture in the #a#er and couldn't believe it
didn't have '%anted 'ead or (live' under it. ,e mostly came to rub it
in about the rumble. an, I hate not bein' in that./
3nly last week 2im &he#ard had cracked three of 'ally's ribs.
"ut 'ally and 2im &he#ard had always been buddies* no matter how
they fought, they were two of a kind, and they knew it.
'ally was grinning at me. /;id, you scared the devil outa me the
other day. I thought I'd killed you./
/e8/ I said, #u99led. /%hy8/
/%hen you .um#ed out of the church. I meant to hit you .ust
hard enough to knock you down and #ut out the fire, but when you
dro##ed like a ton of lead I thought I'd aimed too high and broke your
neck./ ,e thought for a minute. /I'm glad I didn't, though./
/I'll bet,/ I said with a grin. I'd never liked 'allybut then, for
the first time, I felt like he was my buddy. (nd all because he was glad
he hadn't killed me.
'ally looked out the window. /@h.../ he sounded very casual
/how's the kid8/
/%e .ust left him,/ 2wo-"it said, and I could tell that he was
debating whether to tell 'ally the truth or not. /I don't know about
stuff like this... but... well, he seemed #retty bad to me. ,e #assed out
cold before we left him./
'ally's .aw line went white as he swore between clenched teeth.
/2wo-"it, you still got that fancy black-handled switch8/
/:eah./
/-ive it here./
2wo-"it reached into his back #ocket for his #ri9e #ossession. It
was a .et handled switchblade, ten inches long, that would flash o#en
at a mere breath. It was the reward of two hours of walking aimlessly
around a hardware store to divert sus#icion. ,e ke#t it ra9or shar#.
(s far as I knew, he had never #ulled it on anyone* he used his #lain
#ocketknife when he needed a blade. "ut it was his show#iece, his
#ride and .oyevery time he ran into a new hood he #ulled it out and
showed off with it. 'ally knew how much that knife meant to 2wo-"it,
and if he needed a blade bad enough to ask for it, well, he needed a
blade. 2hat was all there was to it. 2wo-"it handed it over to 'ally
without a moment's hesitation.
/%e gotta win that fight tonight,/ 'ally said. ,is voice was
hard. /%e gotta get even with the &ocs. )or 6ohnny./
,e #ut the switch under his #illow and lay back, staring at the
ceiling. %e left. %e knew better than to talk to 'ally when his eyes
were bla9ing and he was in a mood like that.
%e decided to catch a bus home. I .ust didn't feel much like
walking or trying to hitch a ride. 2wo-"it left me sitting on the bench
at the bus sto# while he went to a gas station to buy some cigarettes. I
was kind of sick to my stomach and sort of groggy. I was nearly aslee#
when I felt someone's hand on my forehead. I almost .um#ed out of
my skin. 2wo-"it was looking down at me worriedly. /:ou feel okay8
:ou're awful hot./
/I'm all right,/ I said, and when he looked at me as if he didn't
believe me, I got a little #anicky. /'on't tell 'arry, okay8 5ome on,
2wo-"it, be a buddy. I'll be well by tonight. I'll take a bunch of
as#irins./
/(ll right,/ 2wo-"it said reluctantly. /"ut 'arry'll kill me if
you're really sick and go ahead and fight anyway./
/I'm okay,/ I said, getting a little angry. /(nd if you kee# your
mouth shut, 'arry won't know a thing./
/:ou know somethin'8/ 2wo-"it said as we were riding home on
the bus. /:ou'd think you could get away with murder, living with
your big brother and all, but 'arry's stricter with you than your folks
were, ain't he8/
/:eah,/ I said, /but they'd raised two boys before me. 'arry
hasn't./
/:ou know, the only thing that kee#s 'arry from bein' a &oc is
us./
/I know,/ I said. I had known it for a long time. In s#ite of not
having much money, the only reason 'arry couldn't be a &oc was us.
2he gang. e and &oda. 'arry was too smart to be a greaser. I don't
know how I knew, I .ust did. (nd I was kind of sorry.
I was silent most of the way home. I was thinking about the
rumble. I had a sick feeling in my stomach and it wasn't from being
ill. It was the same kind of hel#lessness I'd felt that night 'arry yelled
at me for going to slee# in the lot. I had the same deathly fear that
something was going to ha##en that none of us could sto#. (s we got
off the bus I finally said it. /2onightI don't like it one bit./
2wo-"it #retended not to understand. /I never knew you to #lay
chicken in a rumble before. Not even when you was a little kid./
I knew he was trying to make me mad, but I took the bait
anyway. /I ain't chicken, 2wo-"it athews, and you know it,/ I said
angrily. /(in't I a 5urtis, same as &oda and 'arry8/
2wo-"it couldn't deny this, so I went on: /I mean, I got an awful
feeling something's gonna ha##en./
/&omethin' is gonna ha##en. %e're gonna stom# the &ocs' guts,
that's what./
2wo-"it knew what I meant, but doggedly #retended not to. ,e
seemed to feel that if you said something was all right, it immediately
was, no matter what. ,e's been that way all his life, and I don't e$#ect
he'll change. &oda#o# would have understood, and we would have
tried to figure it out together, but 2wo-"it .ust ain't &oda. Not by a
long shot.
5herry >alance was sitting in her 5orvette by the vacant lot
when we came by. ,er long hair was #inned u#, and in daylight she
was even better looking. 2hat &ting 7ay was one tuff car. ( bright red
one. It was cool.
/,i, Ponyboy,/ she said. /,i, 2wo-"it./
2wo-"it sto##ed. (##arently 5herry had shown u# there before
during the week 6ohnny and I had s#ent in %indri$ville.
/%hat's u# with the big times8/
&he tightened the strings on her ski .acket. /2hey #lay your way.
No wea#ons, fair deal. :our rules./
/:ou sure8/
&he nodded. /7andy told me. ,e knows for sure./
2wo-"it turned and started home. /2hanks, 5herry./
/Ponyboy, stay a minute,/ 5herry said. I sto##ed and went back
to her car. /7andy's not going to show u# at the rumble./
/:eah,/ I said, /I know./
/,e's not scared. ,e's .ust sick of fighting. "ob.../ &he
swallowed, then went on !uietly. /"ob was his best buddy. &ince
grade school./
I thought of &oda and &teve. %hat if one of them saw the other
killed8 %ould that make them sto# fighting8 No, I thought, maybe it
would make &oda sto#, but not &teve. ,e'd go on hating and fighting.
aybe that was what "ob would have done if it had been 7andy
instead of him.
/,ow's 6ohnny8/
/Not so good,/ I said. /%ill you go u# to see him8/
&he shook her head. /No. I couldn't./
/%hy not8/ I demanded. It was the least she could do. It was
her boyfriend who had caused it all... and then I sto##ed. ,er
boyfriend...
/I couldn't,/ she said in a !uiet, des#erate voice. /,e killed "ob.
3h, maybe "ob asked for it. I know he did. "ut I couldn't ever look at
the #erson who killed him. :ou only knew his bad side. ,e could be
sweet sometimes, and friendly. "ut when he got drunk... it was that
#art of him that beat u# 6ohnny. I knew it was "ob when you told me
the story. ,e was so #roud of his rings. %hy do #eo#le sell li!uor to
boys8 %hy8 I know there's a law against it, but kids get it anyway. I
can't go see 6ohnny. I know I'm too young to be in love and all that,
but "ob was something s#ecial. ,e wasn't .ust any boy. ,e had
something that made #eo#le follow him, something that marked him
different, maybe a little better, than the crowd. 'o you know what I
mean8/
I did. 5herry saw the same things in 'allas. 2hat was why she
was afraid to see him, afraid of loving him. I knew what she meant all
right. "ut she also meant she wouldn't go see 6ohnny because he had
killed "ob. /2hat's okay,/ I said shar#ly. It wasn't 6ohnny's fault "ob
was a boo9e-hound and 5herry went for boys who were bound for
trouble. /I wouldn't want you to see him. :ou're a traitor to your own
kind and not loyal to us. 'o you think your s#ying for us makes u# for
the fact that you're sitting there in a 5orvette while my brother dro#s
out of school to get a .ob8 'on't you ever feel sorry for us. 'on't you
ever try to give us handouts and then feel high and mighty about it./
I started to turn and walk off, but something in 5herry's face
made me sto#. I was ashamedI can't stand to see girls cry. &he
wasn't crying, but she was close to it.
/I wasn't trying to give you charity, Ponyboy. I only wanted to
hel#. I liked you from the start... the way you talked. :ou're a nice kid,
Ponyboy. 'o you reali9e how scarce nice kids are nowadays8
%ouldn't you try to hel# me if you could8/
I would. I'd hel# her and 7andy both, if I could. /,ey,/ I said
suddenly, /can you see the sunset real good from the %est &ide8/
&he blinked, startled, then smiled. /7eal good./
/:ou can see it good from the 1ast &ide, too,/ I said !uietly.
/2hanks, Ponyboy./ &he smiled through her tears. /:ou dig
okay./
&he had green eyes. I went on, walking home slowly.



Chapter 0

IT WAS AL!OST si$-thirty when I got home. 2he rumble was
set for seven, so I was late for su##er, as usual. I always come in late. I
forget what time it is. 'arry had cooked dinner: baked chicken and
#otatoes and corntwo chickens because all three of us eat like
horses. 1s#ecially 'arry. "ut although I love baked chicken, I could
hardly swallow any. I swallowed five as#irins, though, when 'arry
and &oda weren't looking. I do that all the time because I can't slee#
very well at night. 'arry thinks I take .ust one, but I usually take four.
I figured five would kee# me going through the rumble and maybe get
rid of my headache.
2hen I hurried to take a shower and change clothes. e and
&oda and 'arry always got s#ruced u# before a rumble. (nd besides,
we wanted to show those &ocs we weren't trash, that we were .ust as
good as they were.
/&oda,/ l called from the bathroom, /when did you start
shaving8/
/%hen I was fifteen,/ he yelled back.
/%hen did 'arry8/
'%hen he was thirteen. %hy8 :ou figgerin' on growing a beard
for the rumble8/
/:ou're funny. %e ought to send you in to the 0eader%s .igest. I
hear they #ay a lot for funny things./
&oda laughed and went right on #laying #oker with &teve in the
living room. 'arry had on a tight black 2-shirt that showed every
muscle on his chest and even the flat hard muscles of his stomach. I'd
hate to be the &oc who takes a crack at him, I thought as I #ulled on a
clean 2-shirt and a fresh #air of .eans. I wished my 2-shirt was tighter
I have a #retty good build for my si9e, but I'd lost a lot of weight in
%indri$ville and it .ust didn't fit right. It was a chilly night and
2shirts aren't the warmest clothes in the world, but nobody ever gets
cold in a rumble, and besides, .ackets interfere with your swinging
ability.
&oda and &teve and I had #ut on more hair oil than was
necessary, but we wanted to show that we were greasers. 2onight we
could be #roud of it. -reasers may not have much, but they have a
re#. 2hat and long hair. <%hat kind of world is it where all I have to
be #roud of is a re#utation for being a hood, and greasy hair8 I don't
want to be a hood, but even if I don't steal things and mug #eo#le and
get boo9ed u#, I'm marked lousy. %hy should I be #roud of it8 %hy
should I even #retend to be #roud of it8= 'arry never went in for the
long hair. ,is was short and clean all the time.
I sat in the armchair in the living room, waiting for the rest of
the outfit to show u#. "ut of course, tonight the only one coming
would be 2wo-"it* 6ohnny and 'allas wouldn't show. &oda and &teve
were #laying cards and arguing as usual. &oda was kee#ing u# a
steady stream of wisecracks and clowning, and &teve had turned u#
the radio so loud that it almost broke my eardrums. 3f course
everybody listens to it loud like that, but it wasn't .ust the best thing
for a headache.
/:ou like fights, don't you, &oda8/ I asked suddenly.
/:eah, sure./ ,e shrugged. /I like fights./
/,ow come8/
/I don't know./ ,e looked at me, #u99led. /It's action. It's a
contest. +ike a drag race or a dance or something./
/&hoot,/ said &teve, /I want to beat those &ocs' heads in. %hen I
get in a fight I want to stom# the other guy good. I like it, too./
/,ow come you like fights, 'arry8/ I asked, looking u# at him
as he stood behind me, leaning in the kitchen doorway. ,e gave me
one of those looks that hide what he's thinking, but &oda #i#ed u#:
/,e likes to show off his muscles./
/I'm gonna show 'em off on you, little buddy, if you get any
mouthier./
I digested what &oda had said. It was the truth. 'arry liked
anything that took strength, like weight lifting or #laying football or
roofing houses, even if he was #roud of being smart too. 'arry never
said anything about it, but I knew he liked fights. I felt out of things.
I'll fight anyone anytime, but I don't like to.
/I don't know if you ought to be in this rumble, Pony,/ 'arry
said slowly.
3h, no, I thought in mortal fear, I've got to be in it. 7ight then
the most im#ortant thing in my life was hel#ing us whi# the &ocs.
'on't let him make me stay home now. I've got to be in it.
/,ow come8 I've always come through before, ain't I8/
/:eah,/ 'arry said with a #roud grin. /:ou fight real good for a
kid your si9e. "ut you were in sha#e before. :ou've lost weight and
you don't look so great, kid. :ou're tensed u# too much./
/&hoot,/ said &oda, trying to get the ace out of his shoe without
&teve's seeing him, /we all get tensed u# before a rumble. +et him
fight tonight. &kin never hurt anyoneno wea#ons, no danger./
/I'll be okay,/ I #leaded. /I'll get hold of a little one, okay8/
/%ell, 6ohnny won't be there this time.../6ohnny and I
sometimes ganged u# on one big guy/but then, 5urly &he#ard won't
be there either, or 'ally, and we'll need every man we can get./
/%hat ha##ened to &he#ard8/ I asked, remembering 2im
&he#ard's kid brother. 5urly, who was a tough, cool, hard-as-nails
2im in miniature, and I had once #layed chicken by holding our
cigarette ends against each other's fingers. %e had stood there,
clenching our teeth and grimacing, with sweat #ouring down our
faces and the smell of burning flesh making us sick, each refusing to
holler, until 2im ha##ened to stroll by. %hen he saw that we were
really burning holes in each other he cracked our heads together,
swearing to kill us both if we ever #ulled a stunt like that again. I still
have the scar on my forefinger. 5urly was an average downtown hood,
tough and not real bright, but I liked him. ,e could take anything.
/,e's in the cooler,/ &teve said, kicking the ace out of &oda's
shoe. /In the reformatory./
(gain8 I thought, and said, /+et me fight, 'arry. If it was blades
or chains or something it'd be different. Nobody ever gets really hurt
in a skin rumble./
/%ell/'arry gave in/I guess you can. "ut be careful, and if
you get in a .am, holler and I'll get you out./
/I'll be okay,/ I said wearily. /,ow come you never worry about
&oda#o# as much8 I don't see you lecturin' him./
/an/'arry grinned and #ut his arm across &oda's shoulders
/this is one kid brother I don't have to worry about./
&oda #unched him in the ribs affectionately.
/2his kiddo can use his head./
&oda#o# looked down at me with mock su#eriority, but 'arry
went on: /:ou can see he uses it for one thingto grow hair on./ ,e
ducked &oda's swing and took off for the door.
2wo-"it stuck his head in the door .ust as 'arry went flying out
of it. +ea#ing as he went off the ste#s, 'arry turned a somersault in
mid-air, hit the ground, and bounced u# before &oda could catch him.
/%elu#,/ 2wo-"it said cheerfully, cocking an eyebrow, /I see we
are in #rime condition for a rumble. Is everybody ha##y8/
/:eah0/ screamed &oda as he too did a flying somersault off the
ste#s. ,e fli##ed u# to walk on his hands and then did a no-hands
cartwheel across the yard to beat 'arry's #erformance. 2he
e$citement was catching. &creeching like an Indian, &teve went
running across the lawn in flying lea#s, sto##ed suddenly, and fli##ed
backward. %e could all do acrobatics because 'arry had taken a
course at the : and then s#ent a whole summer teaching us
everything he'd learned on the grounds that it might come in handy in
a fight. It did, but it also got 2wo-"it and &oda .ailed once. 2hey were
doing mid-air fli#s down a downtown sidewalk, walking on their
hands and otherwise disturbing the #ublic and the #olice. +eave it to
those two to #ull something like that.
%ith a ha##y whoo# I did a no-hands cartwheel off the #orch
ste#s, hit the ground, and rolled to my feet. 2wo-"it followed me in a
similar manner.
/I am a greaser,/ &oda#o# chanted. /I am a 6' and a hood. I
blacken the name of our fair city. I beat u# #eo#le. I rob gas stations. I
am a menace to society. an, do I have fun0/
/-reaser... greaser... greaser.../ &teve singsonged. /3 victim of
environment, under#rivileged, rotten, no-count hood0/
/6uvenile delin!uent, you're no good0/ 'arry shouted.
/-et thee hence, white trash,/ 2wo-"it said in a snobbish voice.
/I am a &oc. I am the #rivileged and the well-dressed. I throw beer
blasts, drive fancy cars, break windows at fancy #arties./
/(nd what do you do for fun8/ I in!uired in a serious, awed
voice.
/I .um# greasers0/ 2wo-"it screamed, and did a cartwheel.
%e settled down as we walked to the lot. 2wo-"it was the only
one wearing a .acket* he had a cou#le of cans of beer stuffed in it. ,e
always gets high before a rumble. "efore anything else, too, come to
think of it. I shook my head. I'd hate to see the day when I had to get
my nerve from a can. I'd tried drinking once before. 2he stuff tasted
awful, I got sick, had a headache, and when 'arry found out, he
grounded me for two weeks. "ut that was the last time I'd ever drink.
I'd seen too much of what drinking did for you at 6ohnny's house.
/,ey, 2wo-"it,/ I said, deciding to com#lete my survey, /how
come you like to fight8/
,e looked at me as if I was off my nut. /&hoot, everybody
fights./
If everybody .um#ed in the (rkansas 7iver, ol' 2wo-"it would
be right on their heels. I had it then. &oda fought for fun, &teve for
hatred, 'arry for #ride, and 2wo-"it for conformity. %hy do I fight8 I
thought, and couldn't think of any real good reason. 2here isn't any
real good reason for fighting e$ce#t self-defense.
/+isten, &oda, you and Ponyboy,/ 'arry said as we strode down
the street, /if the fu99 show, you two beat it out of there. 2he rest of us
can only get .ailed. :ou two can get sent to a boys' home./
/Nobody in this neighborhood's going to call the fu99,/ &teve
said grimly. '2hey know what'd ha##en if they did./
/(ll the same, you two blow at the first sign of trouble. :ou hear
me8/
/:ou sure don't need an am#lifier,/ &oda said, and stuck out his
tongue at the back of 'arry's head. I stifled a giggle. If you want to see
something funny, it's a tough hood sticking his tongue out at his big
brother.
TI! SHEPA"D AND com#any were already waiting when we
arrived at the vacant lot, along with a gang from "rumly, one of the
suburbs. 2im was a lean, catlike eighteen-year-old who looked like
the model 6' you see in movies and maga9ines. ,e had the right
curly black hair, smoldering dark eyes, and a long scar from tem#le to
chin where a tram# had belted him with a broken #o# bottle. ,e had
a tough, hard look to him, and his nose had been broken twice. +ike
'ally's, his smile was grim and bitter. ,e was one of those who en.oy
being a hood. 2he rest of his bunch were the same way. 2he boys from
"rumly, too. :oung hoodswho would grow u# to be old hoods. I'd
never thought about it before, but they'd .ust get worse as they got
older, not better. I looked at 'arry. ,e wasn't going to be any hood
when he got old. ,e was going to get somewhere. +iving the way we
do would only make him more determined to get somewhere. 2hat's
why he's better than the rest of us, I thought. ,e's going somewhere.
(nd I was going to be like him. I wasn't going to live in a lousy
neighborhood all my life.
2im had the tense, hungry look of an alley catthat's what he's
always reminded me of, an alley catand he was constantly restless.
,is boys ranged from fifteen to nineteen, hard-looking characters
who were used to the strict disci#line 2im gave out. 2hat was the
difference between his gang and oursthey had a leader and were
organi9ed* we were .ust buddies who stuck togethereach man was
his own leader. aybe that was why we could whi# them.
2im and the leader of the "rumly outfit moved forward to shake
hands with each of us#roving that our gangs were on the same side
in this fight, although most of the guys in those two outfits weren't
e$actly what I'd like to call my friends. %hen 2im got to me he
studied me, maybe remembering how his kid brother and I had
#layed chicken. /:ou and the !uiet black-headed kid were the ones
who killed that &oc8/
/:eah,/ I said, #retending to be #roud of it* then I thought of
5herry and 7andy and got a sick feeling in my stomach.
/-ood goin', kid. 5urly always said you were a good kid. 5urly's
in the reformatory for the ne$t si$ months./ 2im grinned ruefully,
#robably thinking of his roughneck, hard-headed brother. /,e got
caught breakin' into a li!uor store, the little.../ ,e went on to call
5urly every un#rintable name under the sunin 2im's way of
thinking, terms of affection.
I surveyed the scene with #ride. I was the youngest one there.
1ven 5urly, if he had been there, had turned fifteen, so he was older
than me. I could tell 'arry reali9ed this too, and although he was
#roud, I also knew he was worried. &hoot, I thought, I'll fight so good
this time he won't ever worry about me again. I'll show him that
someone besides &oda#o# can use his head.
3ne of the "rumly guys waved me over. %e mostly stuck with
our own outfits, so I was a little leery of going over to him, but I
shrugged. ,e asked to borrow a weed, then lit u#. /2hat big guy with
y'all, you know him #retty well8/
/I ought to, he's my brother,/ I said. I couldn't honestly say
/:es./ I knew 'arry as well as he knew me, and that isn't saying a
whole lot.
/No kiddin'8 I got a feelin' he's gonna be asked to start the
fireworks around here. ,e a #retty good bo##er8/
,e meant rumbler. 2hose "rumly boys have weird vocabularies.
l doubt if half of them can read a news#a#er or s#ell much more than
their names, and it comes out in their s#eech. I mean, you take a guy
that calls a rumble /bo#-action,/ and you can tell he isn't real
educated.
/:e#,/ I said. /"ut why him8/
,e shrugged. /%hy anybody else8/
I looked our outfits over. ost greasers don't have real tuff
builds or anything. 2hey're mostly lean and kind of #anther-looking
in a slouchy way. 2his is #artly because they don't eat much and
#artly because they're slouchy. 'arry looked like he could whi#
anyone there. I think most of the guys were nervous because of the
'no wea#ons' rule. I didn't know about the "rumly boys, but I knew
&he#ard's gang were used to fighting with anything they could get
their hands onbicycle chains, blades, #o# bottles, #ieces of #i#e,
#ool sticks, or sometimes even heaters. I mean guns. I have a kind of
lousy vocabulary, too, even if I am educated. 3ur gang never went in
for wea#ons. %e're .ust not that rough. 2he only wea#ons we ever
used were knives, and shoot, we carried them mostly .ust for looks.
+ike 2wo-"it with his black-handled switch. None of us had ever
really hurt anybody, or wanted to. 6ust 6ohnny. (nd he hadn't wanted
to.
/,ey, 5urtis0/ 2im yelled. I .um#ed.
/%hich one8/ I heard &oda yell back.
/2he big one. 5ome on over here./
2he guy from "rumly looked at me. /%hat did I tell ya8/
I watched 'arry going toward 2im and the leader of the "rumly
boys. ,e shouldn't be here, I thought suddenly. I shouldn't be here
and &teve shouldn't be here and &oda shouldn't be here and 2wo-"it
shouldn't be here. %e're greasers, but not hoods, and we don't belong
with this bunch of future convicts. %e could end u# like them, I
thought. %e could. (nd the thought didn't hel# my headache.
I went back to stand with &oda and &teve and 2wo-"it then,
because the &ocs were arriving. 7ight on time. 2hey came in four
carloads, and filed out silently. I counted twenty-two of them. 2here
were twenty of us, so I figured the odds were as even as we could get
them. 'arry always liked to take on two at a time anyway. 2hey
looked like they were all cut from the same #iece of cloth: clean
shaven with semi-"eatle haircuts, wearing stri#ed or checkered shirts
with light red or tan-colored .ackets or madras ski .ackets. 2hey could
.ust as easily have been going to the movies as to a rumble. 2hat's why
#eo#le don't ever think to blame the &ocs and are always ready to
.um# on us. %e look hoody and they look decent. It could be .ust the
other way aroundhalf of the hoods I know are #retty decent guys
underneath all that grease, and from what I've heard, a lot of &ocs are
.ust cold-blooded meanbut #eo#le usually go by looks.
2hey lined u# silently, facing us, and we lined u# facing them. I
looked for 7andy but didn't see him. I ho#ed he wasn't there. ( guy
with a madras shirt ste##ed u#. /+et's get the rules straightnothing
but our fists, and the first to run lose. 7ight8/
2im fli##ed away his beer can. /:ou savvy real good./
2here was an uneasy silence: %ho was going to start it8 'arry
solved the #roblem. ,e ste##ed forward under the circle of light
made by the street lam#. )or a minute, everything looked unreal, like
a scene out of a 6' movie or something. 2hen 'arry said, /I'll take on
anyone./
,e stood there, tall, broad-shouldered, his muscles taut under
his 2-shirt and his eyes glittering like ice. )or a second it looked like
there wasn't anyone brave enough to take him on. 2hen there was a
slight stir in the faceless mob of &ocs, and a husky blond guy ste##ed
forward. ,e looked at 'arry and said !uietly, /,ello, 'arrel./
&omething flickered behind 'arry's eyes and then they were ice
again. /,ello, Paul./
I heard &oda give a kind of s!ueak and I reali9ed that the blond
was Paul ,olden. ,e had been the best halfback on 'arry's football
team at high school and he and 'arry used to buddy it around all the
time. ,e must be a .unior in college by now, I thought. ,e was
looking at 'arry with an e$#ression I couldn't !uite #lace, but
disliked. 5ontem#t8 Pity8 ,ate8 (ll three8 %hy8 "ecause 'arry was
standing there re#resenting all of us, and maybe Paul felt only
contem#t and #ity and hate for greasers8 'arry hadn't moved a
muscle or changed e$#ression, but you could see he hated Paul now.
It wasn't only .ealousy'arry had aright to be .ealous* he was
ashamed to be on our side, ashamed to be seen with the "rumly boys,
&he#ard's gang, maybe even us. Nobody reali9ed it but me and &oda.
It didn't matter to anyone but me and &oda.
2hat's stu#id, I thought swiftly, they've both come here to fight
and they're both su##osed to be smarter than that. %hat difference
does the side make8
2hen Paul said, /I'll take you,/ and something like a smile
crossed 'arry's face. I knew 'arry had thought he could take Paul any
time. "ut that was two or three years ago. %hat if Paul was better
now8 I swallowed. Neither one of my brothers had ever been beaten
in a fight, but I wasn't e$actly itching for someone to break the record.
2hey moved in a circle under the light, counterclockwise, eyeing
each other, si9ing each other u#, maybe remembering old faults and
wondering if they were still there. 2he rest of us waited with
mounting tension. I was reminded of 6ack +ondon's booksyou
know, where the wolf #ack waits in silence for one of two members to
go down in a fight. "ut it was different here. 2he moment either one
swung a #unch, the rumble would be on.
2he silence grew heavier, and I could hear the harsh heavy
breathing of the boys around me. &till 'arry and the &oc walked
slowly in a circle. 1ven I could feel their hatred. 2hey used to be
buddies, I thought, they used to be friends, and now they hate each
other because one has to work for a living and the other comes from
the %est &ide. 2hey shouldn't hate each other... I don't hate the &ocs
any more... they shouldn't hate...
/,old u#0/ a familiar voice yelled. /,old it0/ 'arry turned to see
who it was, and Paul swunga hard right to the .aw that would have
felled anyone but 'arry. 2he rumble was on. 'allas %inston ran to
.oin us.
I couldn't find a &oc my si9e, so I took the ne$t-best si9e and
.um#ed on him. 'allas was right beside me, already on to# of
someone.
/I thought you were in the hos#ital,/ I yelled as the &oc knocked
me to the ground and I rolled to avoid getting kicked.
/I was./ 'ally was having a hard time because his left arm was
still in bad sha#e. /I ain't now./
/,ow8/ I managed to ask as the &oc I was fighting lea#ed on me
and we rolled near 'ally.
/2alked the nurse into it with 2wo-"it's switch. 'on't you know
a rumble ain't a rumble unless I'm in it8/
I couldn't answer because the &oc, who was heavier than I took
him for, had me #inned and was slugging the sense out of me. I
thought di99ily that he was going to knock some of my teeth loose or
break my nose or something, and I knew I didn't have a chance. "ut
'arry was kee#ing an eye out for me* he caught that guy by the
shoulder and half lifted him u# before knocking him three feet with a
sledge-hammer blow. I decided it would be fair for me to hel# 'ally
since he could use only one arm.
2hey were slugging it out, but 'allas was getting the worst of it,
so I .um#ed on his &oc's back, #ulling his hair and #ounding him. ,e
reached back and caught me by the neck and threw me over his head
to the ground. 2im &he#ard, who was fighting two at once,
accidentally ste##ed on me, knocking my breath out. I was u# again
as soon as I got my wind, and .um#ed right back on the &oc, trying my
best to strangle him. %hile he was #rying my fingers loose, 'ally
knocked him backward, so that all three of us rolled on the ground,
gas#ing, cussing, and #unching.
&omebody kicked me hard in the ribs and I yel#ed in s#ite of
myself. &ome &oc had knocked out one of our bunch and was kicking
me as hard as he could. "ut I had both arms wra##ed around the
other &oc's neck and refused to let go. 'ally was slugging him, and I
hung on des#erately, although that other &oc was kicking me and
you'd better believe it hurt. )inally he kicked me in the head so hard it
stunned me, and I lay lim#, trying to clear my mind and kee# from
blacking out. I could hear the racket, but only dimly through the
bu99ing in my ears. Numerous bruises along my back and on my face
were throbbing, but I felt detached from the #ain, as if it wasn't really
me feeling it.
/2hey're running0/ I heard a voice yell .oyfully. /+ook at the
dirtyrun0/
It seemed to me that the voice belonged to 2wo-"it, but I
couldn't be sure. I tried to sit u#, and saw that the &ocs were getting
into their cars and leaving. 2im &he#ard was swearing blue and green
because his nose was broken again, and the leader of the "rumly boys
was working over one of his own men because he had broken the
rules and used a #iece of #i#e in the fighting. &teve lay doubled u#
and groaning about ten feet from me. %e found out later he had three
broken ribs. &oda#o# was beside him, talking in a low steady voice. I
did a double take when I saw 2wo-"itblood was streaming down
one side of his face and one hand was busted wide o#en* but he was
grinning ha##ily because the &ocs were running.
/%e won,/ 'arry announced in a tired voice. ,e was going to
have a black eye and there was a cut across his forehead. /%e beat the
&ocs./
'ally stood beside me !uietly for a minute, trying to gras# the
fact that we had really beaten the &ocs. 2hen, grabbing my shirt, he
hauled me to my feet. /5ome on0/ ,e half dragged me down the
street. /%e're goin' to see 6ohnny./
I tried to run but stumbled, and 'ally im#atiently shoved me
along. /,urry0 ,e was gettin' worse when I left. ,e wants to see you./
I don't know how 'allas could travel so fast and hard after
being knocked around and having his sore arm hurt some more, but I
tried to kee# u# with him. 2rack wasn't ever like the running I did
that night. I was still di99y and had only a dim reali9ation of where I
was going and why.
'ally had "uck erril's 2-bird #arked in front of our house, and
we ho##ed into it. I sat tight as 'ally roared the car down the street.
%e were on 2enth when a siren came on behind us and I saw the
reflection of the red light flashing in the windshield.
/+ook sick,/ 'ally commanded. /I'll say I'm taking you to the
hos#ital, which'll be truth enough./
I leaned against the cold glass of the window and tried to look
sick, which wasn't too hard, feeling the way I did right then.
2he #oliceman looked disgusted. /(ll right, buddy, where's the
fire8/
/2he kid/'ally .erked a thumb toward me/he fell over on his
motorcycle and I'm takin' him to the hos#ital./
I groaned, and it wasn't all fake-out. I guess I looked #retty bad,
too, being cut and bruised like I was.
2he fu99 changed his tone. /Is he real bad8 'o you need an
escort8/
/,ow would I know if he's bad or not8 I ain't no doc. :eah, we
could use an escort./ (nd as the #oliceman got back into his car I
heard 'ally hiss, /&ucker0/
%ith the siren ahead of us, we made record time getting to the
hos#ital. (ll the way there 'ally ke#t talking and talking about
something, but I was too di99y to make most of it out.
/I was cra9y, you know that, kid8 5ra9y for wantin' 6ohnny to
stay outa trouble, for not wantin' him to get hard. If he'd been like me
he'd never have been in this mess. If he'd got smart like me he'd never
have run into that church. 2hat's what you get for hel#in' #eo#le.
1ditorials in the #a#er and a lot of trouble.... :ou'd better wise u#,
Pony... you get tough like me and you don't get hurt. :ou look out for
yourself and nothin' can touch you.../
,e said a lot more stuff, but I didn't get it all. I had a stu#id
feeling that 'ally was out of his mind, the way he ke#t raving on and
on, because 'allas never talked like that, but I think now I would
have understood if I hadn't been sick at the time.
2he co# left us at the hos#ital as 'ally #retended to hel# me out
of the car. 2he minute the co# was gone* 'ally let go of me so !uick I
almost fell. /,urry0/
%e ran through the lobby and crowded #ast #eo#le into the
elevator. &everal #eo#le yelled at us, I think because we were #retty
racked-u# looking, but 'ally had nothing on his mind e$ce#t 6ohnny,
and I was too mi$ed u# to know anything but that I had to follow
'ally. %hen we finally got to 6ohnny's room, the doctor sto##ed us.
/I'm sorry, boys, but he's dying./
/%e gotta see him,/ 'ally said, and flicked out 2wo-"it's
switchblade. ,is voice was shaking. /%e're gonna see him and if you
give me any static you'll end u# on your own o#eratin' table./
2he doctor didn't bat an eye. /:ou can see him, but it's because
you're his friends, not because of that knife./
'ally looked at him for a second, then #ut the knife back in his
#ocket. %e both went into 6ohnny's room, standing there for a
second, getting our breath back in heavy gul#s. It was awful !uiet. It
was scary !uiet. I looked at 6ohnny. ,e was very still, and for a
moment I thought in agony: ,e's dead already. %e're too late.
'ally swallowed, wi#ing the sweat off his u##er li#.
/6ohnnycake8/ he said in a hoarse voice. /6ohnny8/
6ohnny stirred weakly, then o#ened his eyes. /,ey,/ he
managed softly.
/%e won,/ 'ally #anted. /%e beat the &ocs. %e stom#ed them
chased them outa our territory./
6ohnny didn't even try to grin at him. /@seless... fighting's no
good..../ ,e was awful white.
'ally licked his li#s nervously. /2hey're still writing editorials
about you in the #a#er. )or being a hero and all./ ,e was talking too
fast and too calmly. /:eah, they're calling you a hero now and
heroi9in' all the greasers. %e're all #roud of you, buddy./
6ohnny's eyes glowed. 'ally was #roud of him. 2hat was all
6ohnny had ever wanted.
/Ponyboy./
I barely heard him. I came closer and leaned over to hear what
he was going to say.
/&tay gold, Ponyboy. &tay gold.../ 2he #illow seemed to sink a
little, and 6ohnny died.
:ou read about #eo#le looking #eacefully aslee# when they're
dead, but they don't. 6ohnny .ust looked dead. +ike a candle with the
flame gone. I tried to say something, but I couldn't make a sound.
'ally swallowed and reached over to #ush 6ohnny's hair back.
/Never could kee# that hair back... that's what you get for tryin' to
hel# #eo#le, you little #unk, that's what you get.../
%hirling suddenly, he slammed back against the wall. ,is face
contracted in agony, and sweat streamed down his face.
/'amnit, 6ohnny.../ he begged, slamming one fist against the
wall, hammering it to make it obey his will. /3h, damnit, 6ohnny,
don't die, #lease don't die.../
,e suddenly bolted through the door and down the hall.



Chapter 11

I WAL'ED DOWN THE hall in a da9e. 'ally had taken the
car and I started the long walk home in a stu#or. 6ohnny was dead.
"ut he wasn't. 2hat still body back in the hos#ital wasn't 6ohnny.
6ohnny was somewhere elsemaybe aslee# in the lot, or #laying the
#inball machine in the bowling alley, or sitting on the back ste#s of
the church in %indri$ville. I'd go home and walk by the lot, and
6ohnny would be sitting on the curb smoking a cigarette, and maybe
we'd lie on our backs and watch the stars. ,e isn't dead, I said to
myself. ,e isn't dead. (nd this time my dreaming worked. I
convinced myself that he wasn't dead.
I must have wandered around for hours* sometimes even out
into the street, getting honked at and cussed out. I might have
stumbled around all night e$ce#t for a man who asked me if I wanted
a ride.
/,uh8 3h. :eah, I guess so,/ I said. I got in. 2he man, who was
in his mid-twenties, looked at me.
/(re you all right, kid8 :ou look like you've been in a fight./
/I have been. ( rumble. I'm okay./ 6ohnny is not dead, I told
myself, and I believed it.
/,ate to tell you this, kiddo,/ the guy said dryly, /but you're
bleedin' all over my car seats./
I blinked. /I am8/
/:our head./
I reached u# to scratch the side of my head where it'd been
itching for a while, and when I looked at my hand it was smeared with
blood.
/-osh, mister, I'm sorry,/ I said, dumfounded.
/'on't worry about it. 2his wreck's been through worse. %hat's
your address8 I'm not about to dum# a hurt kid out on the streets this
time of night./
I told him. ,e drove me to my house, and I got out. /2hanks a
lot./
%hat was left of our gang was in the living room. &teve was
stretched out on the sofa, his shirt unbuttoned and his side bandaged.
,is eyes were closed, but when the door shut behind me he o#ened
them, and I suddenly wondered if my own eyes looked as feverish and
bewildered as his. &oda had a wide cut on his li# and a bruise across
his cheek. 2here was a "and-(id over 'arry's forehead and he had a
black eye. 3ne side of 2wo-"its face was ta#ed u#I found out later
he had four stitches in his cheek and seven in his hand where he had
busted his knuckles o#en over a &oc's head. 2hey were lounging
around, reading the #a#er and smoking.
%here's the #arty8 I thought dully. %eren't &oda and &teve
#lanning a #arty after the rumble8 2hey all looked u# when I walked
in. 'arry lea#ed to his feet.
/%here have you been8/
3h, let's don't start that again, I thought. ,e sto##ed suddenly.
/Ponyboy, what's the matter8/
I looked at all of them, a little frightened. /6ohnny... he's dead./
y voice sounded strange, even to me. "ut he's not dead, a voice in
my head said. /%e told him about beatin' the &ocs and... I don't know,
he .ust died./ ,e told me to stay gold, I remembered. %hat was he
talking about8
2here was a stricken silence. I don't think any of us had reali9ed
how bad off 6ohnny really had been. &oda made a funny noise and
looked like he was going to start crying. 2wo-"it's eyes were closed
and his teeth were clenched, and I suddenly remembered 'ally....
'ally #ounding on the wall.
/'allas is gone,/ I said. /,e ran out like the devil was after him.
,e's gonna blow u#. ,e couldn't take it./
,ow can + take it8 I wondered. 'ally is tougher than I am. %hy
can I take it when 'ally can't8 (nd then I knew. 6ohnny was the only
thing 'ally loved. (nd now 6ohnny was gone.
/&o he finally broke./ 2wo-"it s#oke everyone's feelings. /&o
even 'ally has a breaking #oint./
I started shaking. 'arry said something in a low voice to &oda.
/Ponyboy,/ &oda said softly, like he was talking to an in.ured
animal, /you look sick. &it down./
I backed u#, .ust like a frightened animal, shaking my head.
/I'm okay./ I felt sick. I felt as if any minute I was going to fall flat on
my face, but I shook my head. /I don't want to sit down./
'arry took a ste# toward me, but I backed away. /'on't touch
me,/ I said. y heart was #ounding in slow thum#s, throbbing at the
side of my head, and I wondered if everyone else could hear it. aybe
that's why they're all looking at me, I thought, they can hear my heart
beating...
2he #hone rang, and after a moment's hesitation, 'arry turned
from me to it. ,e said /,ello/ and then listened. ,e hung u# !uickly.
/It was 'ally. ,e #honed from a booth. ,e's, .ust robbed a
grocery store and the co#s are after him. %e gotta hide him. ,e'll be
at the lot in a minute./
%e all left the house at a dead run, even &teve, and I wondered
vaguely why no one was doing somersaults off the ste#s this time.
2hings were sliding in and out of focus, and it seemed funny to me
that I couldn't run in a straight line.
WE "EACHED THE vacant lot .ust as 'ally came in, running
as hard as he could, from the o##osite direction. 2he wail of a siren
grew louder and then #olice car #ulled u# across the street from the
lot. 'oors slammed as the #olicemen lea#ed out. 'ally had reached
the circle of light under the street lam#, and skidding to a halt, he
turned and .erked a black ob.ect from his waistband. I remembered
his voice: + been carryin% a heater. +t ain%t loaded& but it sure does
help a bluff.
It was only yesterday that 'ally had told 6ohnny and me that.
"ut yesterday was years ago. ( lifetime ago.
'ally raised the gun, and I thought: :ou blasted fool. 2hey don't
know you're only bluffing. (nd even as the #olicemen's guns s#it fire
into the night I knew that was what 'ally wanted. ,e was .erked half
around by the im#act of the bullets, then slowly crum#led with a look
of grim trium#h on his face. ,e was dead before he hit the ground.
"ut I knew that was what he wanted, even as the lot echoed with the
cracks of shots, even as I begged silentlyPlease, not him... not him
and 6ohnny bothI knew he would be dead, because 'ally %inston
wanted to be dead and he always got what he wanted.
Nobody would write editorials #raising 'ally. 2wo friends of
mine had died that night: one a hero, the other a hoodlum. "ut I
remembered 'ally #ulling 6ohnny through the window of the burning
church* 'ally giving us his gun, although it could mean .ail for him*
'ally risking his life for us, trying to kee# 6ohnny out of trouble. (nd
now he was a dead .uvenile delin!uent and there wouldn't be any
editorials in his favor. 'ally didn't die a hero. ,e died violent and
young and des#erate, .ust like we all knew he'd die someday. 6ust like
2im &he#ard and 5urly &he#ard and the "rumly boys and the other
guys we knew would die someday. "ut 6ohnny was right. ,e died
gallant.
&teve stumbled forward with a sob, but &oda caught him by the
shoulders.
/1asy, buddy, easy,/ I heard him say softly, /there's nothing we
can do now./
Nothing we can do... not for 'ally or 6ohnny or 2im &he#ard or
any of us... y stomach gave a violent start and turned into a hunk of
ice. 2he world was s#inning around me, and blobs of faces and visions
of things #ast were dancing in the red mist that covered the lot. It
swirled into a mass of colors and I felt myself swaying on my feet.
&omeone cried, /-lory, look at the kid0/
(nd the ground rushed u# to meet me very suddenly.
WHEN I WO'E UP it was light. It was awfully !uiet. 2oo
!uiet. I mean, our house .ust isn't naturally !uiet. 2he radio's usually
going full blast and the 2> is turned u# loud and #eo#le are wrestling
and knocking over lam#s and tri##ing over the coffee table and
yelling at each other. &omething was wrong, but I couldn't !uite
figure it out. &omething had ha##ened... I couldn't remember what. I
blinked at &oda bewilderedly. ,e was sitting on the edge of the bed
watching me.
/&oda.../my voice sounded weak and hoarse/is somebody
sick8/
/:eah./ ,is voice was oddly gentle /-o back to slee# now./
(n idea was slowly dawning on me. /(m + sick8/
,e stroked my hair. /:eah, you're sick. Now be !uiet./
I had one more !uestion. I was still kind of mi$ed u#. /Is 'arry
sorry I'm sick8/ I had a funny feeling that 'arry was sad because I
was sick. 1verything seemed vague and ha9y.
&oda gave me a funny look. ,e was !uiet for a moment. /:eah,
he's sorry you're sick. Now #lease shut u#, will ya, honey8 -o back to
slee#./
I closed my eyes. I was awful tired.
WHEN I WO'E UP NE)T, it was daylight and I was hot
under all the blankets on me. I was thirsty and hungry, but my
stomach was so uneasy I knew I wouldn't be able to hold anything
down. 'arry had #ulled the armchair into the bedroom and was
aslee# in it. ,e should be at work, I thought. %hy is he aslee# in the
armchair8
/,ey, 'arry,/ I said softly, shaking his knee. /,ey, 'arry, wake
u#./
,e o#ened his eyes. /Ponyboy, you okay8/
/:eah,/ I said, /I think so./
&omething had ha##ened... but I still couldn't remember it,
although I was thinking a lot clearer than I was the last time I'd
waked u#.
,e sighed in relief and #ushed my hair back. /-osh, kid, you
had us scared to death./
/%hat was the matter with me8/
,e shook his head. /I told you you were in no condition for a
rumble. 1$haustion, shock, minor concussionand 2wo-"it came
blubberin' over here with some tale about how you were running a
fever before the rumble and how it was all his fault you were sick. ,e
was #retty torn u# that night,/ 'arry said. ,e was !uiet for a minute.
/%e all were./
(nd then I remembered. 'allas and 6ohnny were dead. 'on't
think of them, I thought. <'on't remember how 6ohnny was your
buddy, don't remember that he didn't want to die. 'on't think of
'ally breaking u# in the hos#ital, crum#ling under the street light.
2ry to think that 6ohnny is better off now, try to remember that 'ally
would have ended u# like that sooner or later. "est of all, don't think.
"lank your mind. 'on't remember. 'on't remember.=
/%here'd I get a concussion8/ I said. y head itched, but I
couldn't scratch it for the bandage. /,ow long have I been aslee#8/
/:ou got a concussion from getting kicked in the head&oda
saw it. ,e landed all over that &oc. I've never seen him so mad. I think
he could have whi##ed anyone, in the state he was in. 2oday's
2uesday, and you've been aslee# and delirious since &aturday night.
'on't you remember8/
/No,/ I said slowly. /'arry, I'm not ever going to be able to
make u# the school I've missed. (nd I've still got to go to court and
talk to the #olice about "ob's getting killed. (nd now... with 'ally.../
I took a dee# breath/'arry, do you think they'll s#lit us u#8 Put me
in a home or something8/
,e was silent. /I don't know, baby. I .ust don't know./
I stared at the ceiling. %hat would it be like, I wondered, staring
at a different ceiling8 %hat would it be like in a different bed, in a
different room8 2here was a hard #ainful lum# in my throat that I
couldn't swallow.
/'on't you even remember being in the hos#ital8/ 'arry asked.
,e was trying to change the sub.ect.
I shook my head. /I don't remember./
/:ou ke#t asking for me and &oda. &ometimes for om and
'ad, too. "ut mostly for &oda./
&omething in his tone of voice made me look at him. ostly for
&oda. 'id I ask for 'arry at all, or was he .ust saying that8
/'arry.../ I didn't know !uite what I wanted to say. "ut I had a
sick feeling that maybe I hadn't called for him while I was delirious,
maybe I had only wanted &oda#o# to be with me. %hat all had I said
while I was sick8 I couldn't remember. I didn't want to remember.
/6ohnny left you his co#y of Gone with the Wind. 2old the nurse
he wanted you to have it./
I looked at the #a#erback lying on the table. I didn't want to
finish it. I'd never get #ast the #art where the &outhern gentlemen go
riding into sure death because they are gallant. &outhern gentlemen
with big black eyes in blue .eans and 2-shirts, &outhern gentlemen
crum#ling under street lights. 'on't remember. 'on't try to decide
which one died gallant. 'on't remember.
/%here's &oda8/ I asked, and then I could have kicked myself.
%hy can't you talk to 'arry, you idiot8 I said to myself. %hy do you
feel uncomfortable talking to 'arry8
/(slee#, I ho#e. I thought he was going to go to slee# shaving
this morning and cut his throat. I had to #ush him to bed, but he was
out like a light in a second./
'arry's ho#es that &oda was aslee# were immediately ruined,
because he came running in, clad only in a #air of blue .eans.
/,ey, Ponyboy0/ he yel#ed, and lea#ed for me, but 'arry caught
him.
/No rough stuff, little buddy./
&o &oda had to content himself with bouncing u# and down on
the bed and #ounding on my shoulder.
/-osh, but you were sick. :ou feel okay now8/
/I'm okay. 6ust a little hungry./
/I should think you would be,/ 'arry said. /:ou wouldn't eat
anything most of the time you were sick. ,ow'd you like some
mushroom sou#8/
I suddenly reali9ed .ust how em#ty I was. /an, I'd like that .ust
fine./
/I'll go make some. &oda#o#, take it easy with him, okay8/
&oda looked back at him indignantly. /:ou'd think I was going
to challenge him to a track meet or something right off the bat./
/3h, no,/ I groaned. /2rack meet. I guess this .ust about #uts
me out of every race. I won't be back in condition for the meets. (nd
the coach was counting on me./
/-olly, there's always ne$t year,/ &oda said. &oda never has
gras#ed the im#ortance 'arry and I #ut on athletics. +ike he never
has understood why we went all-out for studying. /'on't sweat it
about some track meet./
/&oda,/ I said suddenly. /%hat all did I say while I was
delirious8/
/3h, you thought you were in %indri$ville most of the time.
2hen you ke#t saying that 6ohnny didn't mean to kill that &oc. ,ey, I
didn't know you didn't like baloney./
I went cold. /I don't like it. I never liked it./
&oda .ust looked at me. /:ou used to eat it. 2hat's why you
wouldn't eat anything while you were sick. :ou ke#t saying you didn't
like baloney, no matter what it was we were trying to get you to eat./
/I don't like it,/ I re#eated. /&oda, did I ask for 'arry while I
was sick8/
/:eah, sure,/ he said, looking at me strangely. /:ou asked for
him and me both. &ometimes om and 'ad. (nd for 6ohnny./
/3h. I thought maybe I didn't ask for 'arry. It was bugging me./
&oda grinned. /%ell, you did, so don't worry. %e stayed with
you so much that the doctor told us we were going to end u# in the
hos#ital ourselves if we didn't get some slee#. "ut we didn't get any
anyway./
I took a good look at him. ,e looked com#letely worn out* there
were circles under his eyes and he had a tense, tired look to him. :et
his dark eyes were still laughing and carefree and reckless.
/:ou look beat,/ I said frankly. /I bet you ain't had three hours
slee# since &aturday night./
,e grinned but didn't deny it. /&coot over./ ,e crawled over me
and flo##ed down and before 'arry came back in with the sou# we
were both aslee#.



Chapter 11

I HAD TO STAY IN BED a whole week after that. 2hat
bugged me* I'm not the kind that can lie around looking at the ceiling
all the time. I read most of the time, and drew #ictures. 3ne day I
started fli##ing through one of &oda's old yearbooks and came across
a #icture that seemed vaguely familiar. Not even when I read the
name 7obert &heldon did it hit me who it was. (nd then I finally
reali9ed it was "ob. I took a real good long look at it.
2he #icture didn't look a whole lot like the "ob I remembered,
but nobody ever looks a whole lot like his #icture in a yearbook
anyway. ,e had been a so#homore that yearthat would make him
about eighteen when he died. :eah, he was good-looking even then,
with a grin that reminded me of &oda's, a kind of reckless grin. ,e
had been a handsome black-haired boy with dark eyesmaybe
brown, like &oda's, maybe dark-blue, like the &he#ard boys'. aybe
he'd had black eyes. +ike 6ohnny. I had never given "ob much
thoughtI hadn't had time to think. "ut that day I wondered about
him. %hat was he like8
I knew he liked to #ick fights, had the usual &oc belief that living
on the %est &ide made you r. &u#er-2uff, looked good in dark wine-
colored sweaters, and was #roud of his rings. "ut what about the "ob
&heldon that 5herry >alance knew8 &he was a smart girl* she didn't
like him .ust because he was good-looking. &weet and friendly, stands
out from the crowdthat's what she had said. ( real #erson, the best
buddy a guy ever had, ke#t trying to make somebody sto# him
7andy had told me that. 'id he have a kid brother who idoli9ed him8
aybe a big brother who ke#t bugging him not to be so wild8 ,is
#arents let him run wildbecause they loved him too much or too
little8 'id they hate us now8 I ho#ed they hated us, that they weren't
full of that #ity-the-victims-of-environment .unk the social workers
ke#t handing 5urly &he#ard every time he got sent off to reform
school. I'd rather have anybody's hate than their #ity. "ut, then,
maybe they understood, like 5herry >alance. I looked at "ob's #icture
and I could begin to see the #erson we had killed. ( reckless, hot-
tem#ered boy, cocky and scared stiff at the same time.
/Ponyboy./
/:eah8/ I didn't look u#. I thought it was the doctor. ,e'd been
coming over to see me almost every day, although he didn't do much
e$ce#t talk to me.
/2here's a guy here to see you. &ays he knows you./ &omething
in 'arry's voice made me look u#, and his eyes were hard. /,is
name's 7andy./
/:eah, I know him,/ I said.
/:ou want to see him8/
/:eah./ I shrugged. /&ure, why not8/
( few guys from school had dro##ed by to see me* I have !uite a
few friends at school even if I am younger than most of them and
don't talk much. "ut that's what they areschool friends, not
buddies. I had been glad to see them, but it bothered me because we
live in kind of a lousy neighborhood and our house isn't real great. It's
run-down looking and everything, and the inside's kind of #oor-
looking, too, even though for a bunch of boys we do a #retty good .ob
of house-cleaning. ost of my friends at school come from good
homes, not filthy rich like the &ocs, but middle class, anyway. It was a
funny thingit bugged me about my friends seeing our house. "ut I
couldn't have cared less about what 7andy thought.
/,i, Ponyboy./ 7andy looked uncomfortable standing in the
doorway.
/,i, 7andy,/ I said. /,ave a seat if you can find one./ "ooks
were lying all over everything. ,e #ushed a cou#le off a chair and sat
down.
/,ow you feeling8 5herry told me your name was on the school
bulletin./
/I'm okay. :ou can't really miss my name on any kind of
bulletin./
,e still looked uncomfortable, although he tried to grin.
/%anna smoke8/ I offered him a weed, but he shook his head.
/No, thanks. @h, Ponyboy, one reason I came here was to see if you
were okay, but youwegot to go see the .udge tomorrow./
/:eah,/ I said, lighting a cigarette. /I know. ,ey, holler if you
see one of my brothers coming. I'll catch it for smoking in bed./
/y dad says for me to tell the truth and nobody can get hurt.
,e's kind of u#set about all this. I mean, my dad's a good guy and
everything, better than most, and I kind of let him down, being mi$ed
u# in all this./
I .ust looked at him. 2hat was the dumbest remark I ever heard
anyone make. ,e thought he was mi$ed u# in this8 ,e didn't kill
anyone, he didn't get his head busted in a rumble, it wasn't his buddy
that was shot down under a street light. "esides, what did he have to
lose8 ,is old man was rich, he could #ay whatever fine there was for
being drunk and #icking a fight.
/I wouldn't mind getting fined,/ 7andy said, /but I feel lousy
about the old man. (nd it's the first time I've felt anything in a long
time./
2he only thing I'd felt in a long time was being scared. &cared
stiff. I'd #ut off thinking about the .udge and the hearing for as long
as I could. &oda and 'arry didn't like to talk about it either, so we
were all silently counting off the days while I was sick, counting the
days that we had left together. "ut with 7andy sticking solidly to the
sub.ect it was im#ossible to think about anything else. y cigarette
started trembling.
/I guess your folks feel kind of awful about it, too./
/y #arents are dead. I live here with .ust 'arry and &oda, my
brothers./ I took a long drag on my cigarette. /2hat's what's worrying
me. If the .udge decides 'arry isn't a good guardian or something, I'm
liable to get stuck in a home somewhere. 2hat's the rotten #art of this
deal. 'arry is a good guardian* he makes me study and knows where I
am and who I'm with all the time. I mean, we don't get along so great
sometimes, but he kee#s me out of trouble, or did. y father didn't
yell at me as much as he does./
/I didn't know that/ 7andy looked worried, he really did. ( &oc,
even, worried because some kid greaser was on his way to a foster
home or something. 2hat was really funny. I don't mean funny. :ou
know what I mean.
/+isten to me, Pony. :ou didn't do anything. It was your friend
6ohnny that had the knife.../
/I had it./ I sto##ed him. ,e was looking at me strangely. /I had
the knife. I killed "ob./
7andy shook his head. /I saw it. :ou were almost drowned. It
was the black-headed guy that had the switchblade. "ob scared him
into doing it. I saw it./
I was bewildered. /I killed him. I had a switchblade and I was
scared they were going to beat me u#./
/No, kid, it was your friend, the one who died in the hos#ital.../
/6ohnny is not dead./ y voice was shaking. /6ohnny is not
dead./
/,ey, 7andy/ 'arry stuck his head in the door. /I think you'd
better go now./
/&ure,/ 7andy said. ,e was still looking at me kind of funny.
/&ee you around, Pony./
/'on't ever say anything to him about 6ohnny,/ I heard 'arry
say in a low voice as they went out. /,e's still #retty racked u#
mentally and emotionally. 2he doc said he'd get over it if we gave him
time./
I swallowed hard and blinked. ,e was .ust like all the rest of the
&ocs. 5old-blooded mean. 6ohnny didn't have anything to do with
"ob's getting killed.
/Ponyboy 5urtis, #ut out that cigarette0/
/3kay, okay./ I #ut it out. /I ain't going to go to slee# smoking,
'arry. If you make me stay in bed there ain't anywhere else I can
smoke./
/:ou're not going to die if you don't get a smoke. "ut if that bed
catches on fire you will. :ou couldn't make it to the door through that
mess./
/%ell, golly, I can't #ick it u# and &oda doesn't, so I guess that
leaves you./
,e was giving me one of those looks. /(ll right, all right,/ I said,
/that don't leave you. aybe &oda'll straighten it u# a little./
/aybe you can be a little neater, huh, little buddy8/
,e'd never called me that before. &oda was the only one he ever
called /little buddy./
/&ure,/ I said, /I'll be more careful./



Chapter 12

THE HEA"IN WASN/T anything like I thought it would be.
"esides 'arry and &oda and me, nobody was there e$ce#t 7andy and
his #arents and 5herry >alance and her #arents and a cou#le of the
other guys that had .um#ed 6ohnny and me that night. I don't know
what I e$#ected the whole thing to be likeI guess I've been watching
too many Perry ason shows. 3h, yeah, the doctor was there and he
had a long talk with the .udge before the hearing. I didn't know what
he had to do with it then, but I do now.
)irst 7andy was !uestioned. ,e looked a little nervous, and I
wished they'd let him have a cigarette. I wished they'd let ,e have a
cigarette* I was more than a little shaky myself. 'arry had told me to
kee# my mouth shut no matter what 7andy and everybody said, that
I'd get my turn. (ll the &ocs told the same story and stuck mainly to
the truth, e$ce#t they said 6ohnny had killed "ob* but I figured I
could straighten that #oint out when I got my turn. 5herry told them
what had ha##ened before and after 6ohnny and I had been .um#ed
I think I saw a cou#le of tears slide down her cheeks, but I'm not sure.
,er voice was sure steady even if she was crying. 2he .udge
!uestioned everyone carefully, but nothing real emotional or e$citing
ha##ened like it does on 2>. ,e asked 'arry and &oda a little bit
about 'ally, I think to check our background and find out what kind
of guys we hung out with. %as he a real good buddy of ours8 'arry
said, /:es, sir*/ looking straight at the .udge, not flinching* but &oda
looked at me like he was sentencing me to the electric chair before he
gave the same answer. I was real #roud of both of them. 'ally had
been one of our gang and we wouldn't desert him. I thought the .udge
would never get around to !uestioning me. an, I was scared almost
stiff by the time he did. (nd you know what8 2hey didn't ask me a
thing about "ob's getting killed. (ll the .udge did was ask me if I liked
living with 'arry, if I liked school, what kind of grades I made, and
stuff like that. I couldn't figure it out then, but later I found out what
the doctor had been talking to the .udge about. I guess I looked as
scared as I really was, because the .udge grinned at me and told me to
!uit chewing my fingernails. 2hat's a habit I have. 2hen he said I was
ac!uitted and the whole case was closed. 6ust like that. 'idn't even
give me a chance to talk much. "ut that didn't bother me a lot. I didn't
feel like talking anyway.
I wish I could say that everything went back to normal, but it
didn't. 1s#ecially me. I started running into things, like the door, and
ke#t tri##ing over the coffee table and losing things. I always have
been kind of absent-minded, but man, then, I was lucky if I got home
from school with the right notebook and with both shoes on. I walked
all the way home once in my stocking feet and didn't even notice it
until &teve made some bright remark about it. I guess I'd left my
shoes in the locker room at school, but I never did find them. (nd
another thing, I !uit eating. I used to eat like a horse, but all of a
sudden I wasn't hungry. 1verything tasted like baloney. I was lousing
u# my schoolwork, too. I didn't do too badly in math, because 'arry
checked over my homework in that and usually caught all my
mistakes and made me do it again, but in 1nglish I really washed out.
I used to make A's in 1nglish, mostly because my teacher made us do
com#ositions all the time. I mean, I know I don't talk good 1nglish
<,ave you ever seen a hood that did8=, but I can write it good when I
try. (t least, I could before. Now I was lucky to get a . on a
com#osition.
It bothered my 1nglish teacher, the way I was goofing u#, I
mean. ,e's a real good guy, who makes us think, and you can tell he's
interested in you as a #erson, too. 3ne day he told me to stay in after
the rest of the class left.
/Ponyboy, I'd like to talk to you about your grades./
an, I wished I could beat it out of there. I knew I was flunking
out in that class, but golly, I couldn't hel# it.
/2here's not much to talk about, .udging from your scores.
Pony, I'll give it to you straight. :ou're failing this class right now, but
taking into consideration the circumstances, if you come u# with a
good semester theme, I'll #ass you with a ! grade./
/2aking into consideration the circumstances/brother, was
that ever a way to tell me he knew I was goofing u# because I'd been
in a lot of trouble. (t least that was a roundabout way of #utting it.
2he first week of school after the hearing had been awful. Peo#le I
knew wouldn't talk to me, and #eo#le I didn't know would come right
u# and ask about the whole mess. &ometimes even teachers. (nd my
history teachershe acted as if she was scared of me, even though I'd
never caused any trouble in her class. :ou can bet that made me feel
real tuff.
/:essir,/ I said, /I'll try. %hat's the theme su##osed to be on8/
/(nything you think is im#ortant enough to write about. (nd it
isn't a reference theme* I want your own ideas and your own
e$#eriences./
y first tri# to the 9oo. 3h, boy, oh, boy. /:essir,/ I said, and
got out of there as fast as I could.
(t lunch hour I met 2wo-"it and &teve out in the back #arking
lot and we drove over to a little neighborhood grocery store to buy
cigarettes and 5okes and candy bars. 2he store was the grease hang-
out and that was about all we ever had for lunch. 2he &ocs were
causing a lot of trouble in the school cafeteriathrowing silverware
and stuffand everybody tried to blame it on us greasers. %e all got a
big laugh out of that. -reasers rarely even eat in the cafeteria.
I was sitting on the fender of &teve's car, smoking and drinking
a Pe#si while he and 2wo-"it were inside talking to some girls, when
a car drove u# and three &ocs got out. I .ust sat there and looked at
them and took another swallow of the Pe#si. I wasn't scared. It was
the oddest feeling in the world. I didn't feel anythingscared, mad,
or anything. 6ust 9ero.
/:ou're the guy that killed "ob &heldon,/ one of them said. /(nd
he was a friend of ours. %e don't like nobody killing our friends,
es#ecially greasers./
"ig deal. I busted the end off my bottle and held on to the neck
and tossed away my cigarette /:ou get back into your car or you'll get
s#lit./
2hey looked kind of sur#rised, and one of them backed u#.
/I mean it./ I ho##ed off the car. /I've had about all I can take
from you guys./ I started toward them, holding the bottle the way 2im
&he#ard holds a switchout and away from myself, in a loose but
firm hold. I guess they knew I meant business, because they got into
their car and drove off.
/:ou really would have used that bottle, wouldn't you8/ 2wo-"it
had been watching from the store doorway. /&teve and me were
backing you, but I guess we didn't need to. :ou'd have really cut them
u#, huh8/
/I guess so,/ I said with a sigh. I didn't see what 2wo-"it was
sweating aboutanyone else could have done the same thing and
2wo-"it wouldn't have thought about it twice.
/Ponyboy, listen, don't get tough. :ou're not like the rest of us
and don't try to be.../
%hat was the matter with 2wo-"it8 I knew as well as he did that
if you got tough you didn't get hurt. -et smart and nothing can touch
you...
/%hat in the world are you doing8/ 2wo-"it's voice broke into
my thoughts.
I looked u# at him. /Picking u# the glass./
,e stared at me for a second, then grinned. /:ou little
sonofagun,/ he said in a relieved voice. I didn't know what he was
talking about, so I .ust went on #icking u# the glass from the bottle
end and #ut it in a trash can. I didn't want anyone to get a flat tire.
I tried to write that theme when I got home. I really did, mostly
because 'arry told me to or else. I thought about writing about 'ad,
but I couldn't. It's going to be a long time before I can even think
about my #arents. ( long time. I tried writing about &oda's horse,
ickey ouse, but I couldn't get it right* it always came out sounding
corny. &o I started writing names across the #a#er. 'arrel &haynne
5urtis, 6r. &oda Patrick 5urtis. Ponyboy ichael 5urtis. 2hen I drew
horses all over it. That was going to get a good grade like all git-out.
/,ey, did the mail come in yet8/ &oda slammed the door and
yelled for the mail, .ust the way he does every day when he comes
home from work. I was in the bedroom, but I knew he would throw
his .acket toward the sofa and miss it, take off his shoes, and go into
the kitchen for a glass of chocolate milk, because that's what he does
every day of his life. ,e always runs around in his stocking feethe
doesn't like shoes.
2hen he did a funny thing. ,e came in and flo##ed down on the
bed and started smoking a cigarette. ,e hardly ever smokes, e$ce#t
when something is really bugging him or when he wants to look
tough. (nd he doesn't have to im#ress us* we know he's tough. &o I
figured something was bothering him. /,ow was work8/
/3kay./
/&omething wrong8/
,e shook his head. I shrugged and went back to drawing
horses.
&oda cooked dinner that night, and everything came out right.
2hat was unusual, because he's always trying something different.
3ne time we had green #ancakes. -reen. I can tell you one thing: if
you've got a brother like &oda#o#, you're never bored.
(ll through su##er &oda was !uiet, and he didn't eat much.
2hat was really unusual. ost of the time you can't shut him u# or fill
him u#. 'arry didn't seem to notice, so I didn't say anything.
2hen after su##er me and 'arry got into a fuss, about the
fourth one we'd had that week. 2his one started because I hadn't done
anything on that theme, and I wanted to go for a ride. It used to be
that I'd .ust stand there and let 'arry yell at me, but lately I'd been
yelling right back.
/%hat's the sweat about my schoolwork8/ I finally shouted. /I'll
have to get a .ob as soon as I get out of school anyway. +ook at &oda.
,e's doing okay, and he dro##ed out. :ou can .ust lay off0/
/:ou're not going to dro# out. +isten, with your brains and
grades you could get a scholarshi#, and we could #ut you through
college. "ut schoolwork's not the #oint. :ou're living in a vacuum,
Pony, and you're going to have to cut it out. 6ohnny and 'allas were
our buddies, too, but you don't .ust sto# living because you lose
someone. I thought you knew that by now. :ou don't !uit0 (nd any-
time you don't like the way I'm running things you can get out./
I went tight and cold. %e never talked about 'allas or 6ohnny.
/:ou'd like that, wouldn't you8 :ou'd like me .ust to get out. %ell, it's
not that easy, is it, &oda8/ "ut when I looked at &oda I sto##ed. ,is
face was white, and when he looked at me his eyes were wide with a
#ained e$#ression. I suddenly remembered 5urly &he#ard's face
when he sli##ed off a tele#hone #ole and broke his arm.
/'on't... 3h, you guys, why can't you.../ ,e .um#ed u# suddenly
and bolted out the door. 'arry and I were struck dumb. 'arry #icked
u# the envelo#e that &oda had dro##ed.
/It's the letter he wrote &andy,/ 'arry said without e$#ression.
/7eturned uno#ened./
&o that was what had been bugging &oda all afternoon. (nd I
hadn't even bothered to find out. (nd while I was thinking about it, I
reali9ed that I never had #aid much attention to &oda's #roblems.
'arry and I .ust took it for granted that he didn't have any.
/%hen &andy went to )lorida... it wasn't &oda, Ponyboy. ,e told
me he loved her, but I guess she didn't love him like he thought she
did, because it wasn't him./
/:ou don't have to draw me a #icture,/ I said.
/,e wanted to marry her anyway, but she .ust left./ 'arry was
looking at me with a #u99led e$#ression. /%hy didn't he tell you8 I
didn't think he'd tell &teve or 2wo-"it, but I thought he told you
everything./
/aybe he tried,/ I said. ,ow many times had &oda started to
tell me something, only to find I was daydreaming or stuck in a book8
,e would always listen to me, no matter what he was doing.
/,e cried every night that week you were gone,/ 'arry said
slowly. /"oth you and &andy in the same week./ ,e #ut the envelo#e
down. /5ome on, let's go after him./
%e chased him clear to the #ark. %e were gaining on him, but
he had a block's head start.
/5ircle around and cut him off,/ 'arry ordered. 1ven out of
condition I was the best runner. /I'll stay right behind him./
I headed through the trees and cut him off halfway across the
#ark. ,e veered off to the right, but I caught him in a flying tackle
before he'd gone more than a cou#le of ste#s. It knocked the wind out
of both of us. %e lay there gas#ing for a minute or two, and then &oda
sat u# and brushed the grass off his shirt.
/:ou should have gone out for football instead of track./
/%here did you think you were going8/ I lay flat on my back
and looked at him. 'arry came u# and dro##ed down beside us.
&oda shrugged. /I don't know. It's .ust... I can't stand to hear
y'all fight. &ometimes... I .ust have to get out or... it's like I'm the
middleman in a tug o' war and I'm being s#lit in half. :ou dig8/
'arry gave me a startled look. Neither of us had reali9ed what it
was doing to &oda to hear us fight. I was sick and cold with shame.
%hat he said was the truth. 'arry and I did #lay tug of war with him,
with never a thought to how much it was hurting him.
&oda was fiddling with some dead grass. /I mean, I can't take
sides. It'd be a lot easier if I could, but I see both sides. 'arry yells too
much and tries too hard and takes everything too serious, and
Ponyboy, you don't think enough, you don't reali9e all 'arry's giving
u# .ust to give you a chance he missed out on. ,e could have stuck
you in a home somewhere and worked his way through college.
Ponyboy, I'm telling you the truth. I dro##ed out because I'm dumb. I
really did try in school, but you saw my grades. +ook, I'm ha##y
working in a gas station with cars. :ou'd never be ha##y doing
something like that. (nd 'arry, you ought to try to understand him
more, and !uit bugging him about every little mistake he makes. ,e
feels things differently than you do./ ,e gave us a #leading look.
/-olly, you two, it's bad enough having to listen to it, but when you
start trying to get me to take sides.../ 2ears welled u# in his eyes.
/%e're all we've got left. %e ought to be able to stick together against
everything. If we don't have each other, we don't have anything. If you
don't have anything, you end u# like 'allas... and I don't mean dead,
either. I mean like he was before. (nd that's worse than dead.
Please/he wi#ed his eyes on his arm/don't fight anymore./
'arry looked real worried. I suddenly reali9ed that 'arry was
only twenty, that he wasn't so much older that he couldn't feel scared
or hurt and as lost as the rest of us. I saw that I had e$#ected 'arry to
do all the understanding without even trying to understand him. (nd
he had given u# a lot for &oda and me.
/&ure, little buddy,/ 'arry said softly. /%e're not going to fight
anymore./
/,ey, Ponyboy/&oda gave me a tearful grin/don't you start
crying, too. 3ne bawl-baby in the family's enough./
/I'm not crying,/ I said. aybe I was. I don't remember. &oda
gave me a #layful #unch on the shoulder.
/No more fights. 3kay, Ponyboy8/ 'arry said.
/3kay,/ I said. (nd I meant it. 'arry and I would #robably still
have misunderstandingswe were too different not tobut no more
fights. %e couldn't do anything to hurt &oda. &oda#o# would always
be the middleman, but that didn't mean he had to kee# getting #ulled
a#art. Instead of 'arry and me #ulling me a#art, he'd be #ulling us
together.
/%ell,/ &oda said, /I'm cold. ,ow about going home8/
/7ace you,/ I challenged, lea#ing u#. It was a real nice night for
a race. 2he air was clear and cold and so clean it almost s#arkled. 2he
moon wasn't out but the stars lit u# everything. It was !uiet e$ce#t for
the sound of our feet on the cement and the dry, scra#ing sound of
leaves blowing across the street. It was a real nice night. I guess I was
still out of sha#e, because we all three tied. No. I guess we all .ust
wanted to stay together.
I still didn't want to do my homework that night, though. I
hunted around for a book to read, but I'd read everything in the house
about fifty million times, even 'arry's co#y of The !arpetbaggers,
though he'd told me I wasn't old enough to read it. I thought so too
after I finished it. )inally I #icked u# Gone with the Wind and looked
at it for a long time. I knew 6ohnny was dead. I had known it all the
time, even while I was sick and #retending he wasn't. It was 6ohnny,
not me, who had killed "ob I knew that too. I had .ust thought that
maybe if I #layed like 6ohnny wasn't dead it wouldn't hurt so much.
2he way 2wo-"it, after the #olice had taken 'ally's body away, had
gri#ed because he had lost his switchblade when they searched
'allas.
/Is that all that's bothering you, that switchblade8/ a red-eyed
&teve had sna##ed at him.
/No,/ 2wo-"it had said with a !uivering sigh, /but that's what
I'm wishing was all that's bothering me./
"ut it still hurt anyway. :ou know a guy a long time, and I mean
really know him, you don't get used to the idea that he's dead .ust
overnight. 6ohnny was something more than a buddy to all of us. I
guess he had listened to more beefs and more #roblems from more
#eo#le than any of us. ( guy that'll really listen to you, listen and care
about what you're saying, is something rare. (nd I couldn't forget him
telling me that he hadn't done enough, hadn't been out of our
neighborhood all his lifeand then it was too late. I took a dee#
breath and o#ened the book. ( sli# of #a#er fell out on the floor and I
#icked it u#.
Ponyboy& + asked the nurse to give you this book so you could
finish it. It was 6ohnny's handwriting. I went on reading, almost
hearing 6ohnny's !uiet voice. The doctor ca,e in a while ago but +
knew anyway. + keep getting tireder and tireder. 1isten& + don%t
,ind dying now. +t%s worth it. +t%s worth saving those kids. Their
lives are worth ,ore than ,ine& they have ,ore to live for. )o,e of
their parents ca,e by to thank ,e and + know it was worth it. Tell
.ally it%s worth it. +%, 2ust going to ,iss you guys. +%ve been thinking
about it& and that poe,& that guy that wrote it& he ,eant you%re gold
when you%re a kid& like green. When you%re a kid everything%s new&
dawn. +t%s 2ust when you get used to everything that it%s day. 1ike the
way you dig sunsets& Pony. That%s gold. 3eep that way& it%s a good
way to be. + want you to tell .ally to look at one. 'e%ll probably
think you%re cra4y& but ask for ,e. + don%t think he%s ever really seen
a sunset. And don%t be so bugged over being a greaser. *ou still have
a lot of ti,e to ,ake yourself be what you want. There%s still lots of
good in the world. Tell .ally. + don%t think he knows. *our buddy&
ohnny.
2ell 'ally. It was too late to tell 'ally. %ould he have listened8 I
doubted it. &uddenly it wasn't only a #ersonal thing to me. I could
#icture hundreds and hundreds of boys living on the wrong sides of
cities, boys with black eyes who .um#ed at their own shadows.
,undreds of boys who maybe watched sunsets and looked at stars
and ached for something better. I could see boys going down under
street lights because they were mean and tough and hated the world,
and it was too late to tell them that there was still good in it, and they
wouldn't believe you if you did. It was too vast a #roblem to be .ust a
#ersonal thing. 2here should be some hel#, someone should tell them
before it was too late. &omeone should tell their side of the story, and
maybe #eo#le would understand then and wouldn't be so !uick to
.udge a boy by the amount of hair oil he wore. It was im#ortant to me.
I #icked u# the #hone book and called my 1nglish teacher.
/r. &yme, this is Ponyboy. 2hat themehow long can it be8/
/%hy, uh, not less than five #ages./ ,e sounded a little
sur#rised. I'd forgotten it was late at night.
/5an it be longer8/
/5ertainly, Ponyboy, as long as you want it./
/2hanks,/ I said and hung u#.
I sat down and #icked u# my #en and thought for a minute.
7emembering. 7emembering a handsome, dark boy with a reckless
grin and a hot tem#er. ( tough, tow-headed boy with a cigarette in his
mouth and a bitter grin on his hard face. 7ememberingand this
time it didn't hurta !uiet, defeated-looking si$teen-year-old whose
hair needed cutting badly and who had black eyes with a frightened
e$#ression to them. 3ne week had taken all three of them. (nd I
decided + could tell #eo#le, beginning with my 1nglish teacher. I
wondered for a long time how to start that theme, how to start writing
about something that was im#ortant to me. (nd I finally began like
this: %hen I ste##ed out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of
the movie house, I had only two things on my mind: Paul Newman
and a ride home...



THE END