Karen Campbell is a Scottish writer from Ayr, living in

the Midlands. Her novel, The Knowing is the first in a

trilogy featuring her psychic, Jen Keith. She is
currently writing the second instalment, as well as
another novel called The Diary Of A Fat Cow, about an
overweight esco employee.
Karen is in a settled relationship and has ! dogs. She
loves an "rish band called Butterfly Explosion and says
without their music, there would be no inspiration.
T H E K N O WI N G
" would li#e to dedicate this boo# to two people.
$"SA % for being the best girlfriend in the world, for
all her support and, mostly, for her love.
A"S$"&' % for being the best friend " have always
needed, for all the positive encouragement and for her
dreams.
Ka r e n Ca mp b e l l
T H E K N O WI N G
Copyright Karen Campbell
he right of Karen Campbell to be identified as author of this
wor# has been asserted by her in accordance with section (( and
() of the Copyright, *esigns and +atents Act ,-)).
All rights reserved. &o part of this publication may be
reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any
form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying,
recording, or otherwise, without the prior permission of the
publishers.
Any person who commits any unauthori.ed act in relation to this
publication may be liable to criminal prosecution and civil claims
for damages.
A C"+ catalogue record for this title is available from the /ritish
$ibrary.
"S/& -() ,)0-1201- 0
www.austinmacauley.com
3irst +ublished 4!5,06
Austin Macauley +ublishers $td.
!7 Canada S8uare
Canary 9harf
$ondon
:,0 7$/
+rinted and /ound in 'reat /ritain
Chapter One
" awo#e from the same nightmare " had been having for wee#s,
reached over to turn on the lamp and lit a cigarette. Sighing, "
lifted my pen and notepad and began to write. " had seen it all
tonight, from the meeting to the murder, which meant that the
girl was now dead. " had seen the #iller place the single red
rose on the girl;s body and #new, whoever he was, that he had
<ust #illed again.
" sighed again. " would have to go to the police in the
morning.
====
he ne>t morning, " sat cold and alone in the waiting area of
Strathclyde +olice Head8uarters in +itt Street, 'lasgow. he
news lately had been full of little else but the man behind the
murder of three young women in the 'lasgow area. he
pressure was really on the police to find him, and " was sure
my assistance would be gratefully met, as it had been in the
past. 9hat they did not #now, however, was that he had
actually #illed five. here was a girl listed as ?Missing;, but "
#new she was dead. /y his hands. And then, there was the
poor girl " saw being strangled in my dream last night. 3ive, all
gone.
A sour@faced woman in a grey suit, nice legs, approached
me and scowled. ABou;re here about Charlton HestonCD
ABes.D
ACome this way, please,D she said, gruffly and " followed
her.
9e went into a small interview room with a table and four
chairs, and " sat down across from her. :arly thirties, "
guessed, good s#in, clear blue eyes, tidy brown bob.
Attractive, but still scowling.
A9hat can " do for you, then, MrsECD she trailed off.
AMiss Keith. Jen. 9here;s *" Mc$eanC " normally spea#
to him,D " told her.
A*o this a lot then, do youC Help the police with their
en8uiriesCD
" started to redden, feeling li#e a fool, and the disli#e set
in. 'ood legs or not. A$oo#, SergeantED
A"t;s *", if you don;t mind. *" Coutts. Mc$ean;s been
transferred. So, now you have me. 9ellE 9hat can " do for
youCD She began to drum her fingers on the des#, impatient.
" counted to ten in my head. " had a <ob to do here. Stay
patient, " told myself. A*" Coutts, ";m a psychologist butED "
struggled for the proper words, A" also ?see; things.D
ABou ?see; thingsCD she repeated, her scowl turning to
derision.
ABes, ";m psychic,D " blurted out.
" could see her eyes roll, ?oh no another nutter;.
A$oo#, Miss Keith, than# you for wanting to help, but "
thin# we will manage.D
A/ut that;s <ust it % you;re not managing. Bou haven;t
even found the fourth body, and he did it again last night.D "
could be patient no longer.
" had her attention now. A9hat fourth bodyCD
AAmanda Cairns. She;s been missing for a month.D
AAnd how do you #now she;s dead and not <ust run off
somewhereCD she as#ed, calm and precise.
A/ecause ";ve seen itF "f you can let me hold something of
hers, " might be able to tell you where to find her,D " pleaded.
AHold on, you can;t e>pect me to believe this.D
A$oo#, ";ve helped Mc$ean before. Chec# your files.
Gemember Kylie 9rightC wo year old, went missing in
'ovanC How do you thin# you lot found herC /ecause " told
Mc$ean where to loo#. ";ll be on record as an assisting
psychologist.D
A9ait here.D
She got up and left. " was getting mad now. " #new how
stupid " loo#ed, wal#ing into a police station, declaring " had
visions. " probably would not have believed myself either, but
Mc$ean had, eventually, and " was pissed that he wasn;t here,
that " had to go through all this convincing once more.
He had ta#en me for a drin# once, and we had got on well.
He called me a ?waste of a good woman; because " ?#ic#ed
with the other foot;, as he had put it, in his #ind, machismo
way. " had noticed it had not stopped him chec#ing out my
cleavage.
My thoughts were interrupted by the reappearance of *"
Coutts. " noticed the lightest of blusher, emphasising her
chee#bones. And as much " disli#ed her, " could not stop my
eyes moving to her lips, <ust for a second, and thin#ing how
soft they loo#ed.
AH#ay, ";ve chec#ed what you said, Miss Keith,D she said,
sitting bac# down.
ACall me Jen,D " offered.
AJen. Seems you did help with the 9right murder, profile
gathering.D
A9ell, we wouldn;t want the press to hear about psychic
input, would weCD " <o#ed, still nervous and on edge.
She laughed. " found her beautiful then, and that disturbed
me.
ASo, what is it you want to tell meCD she as#ed, in a
friendlier voice.
Ahe man you are loo#ing for is late forties to early fifties.
He;s going bald, slightly overweight, lives with an elderly
parent % probably his mother % and he holds down a <ob,D "
told her.
A" can get that from any criminal profiler.D he derision
had returned.
AHe;s a gardener.D
She became serious, and watched me intently. A9hat
ma#es you say thatCD
Ahat;s where he gets the roses.D
AGoses.D
ABou #now, the ones he places on his victim;s breasts.
9ith the signed card,D " added.
AHow do you #now thatC hat information has not been
released.D
" sighed. A";ve seen itFD
ASo, tell me, why does he use the name Charlton HestonCD
9as she testing meC
AHe sees himself as a real man, macho, powerful, li#e ?/en
Hur;. Bou can;t get *&A because he wears a rubber suit, with
a hole cut for his penis. And he wears a condom, of course.D "
closed my eyes. AHe loo#s ordinary. He wal#s with baggy
trousers and a long raincoat. He has a hammer in the poc#et.
He;s lur#ing in the woods. " see a cemetery close, and the girl
appears. She is about twenty, a big girl, fat. " thin# she is
wal#ing home, drun# from a night out. He comes from behind
and hits her on the head with the hammer, she falls and he
pulls her into the woods, deep out of sight. Hh yes, he has the
gloves to match. " can see them as he is dragging her. He ta#es
a carrier bag from his poc#et and removes his coat and
trousers, neatly folding them into the bag. he girl groans and
he hits her again on the side of her head. " thin# " can hear her
s#ull crac#. He rapes her and sodomises her, and then puts his
clothes bac# on. He ta#es his rose and card, pulling up her top.
She;s not wearing a bra, and he slaps her face. He chec#s the
rose, li#e he is proud of it, before he places it on her.D My eyes
snap open.
Ahen " wa#e up,D " add, in apology.
She is staring at me. Ahat;s it,D " say.
She springs to life, pulling a small notepad from her
poc#et. " catch the curve of her breast in her well@cut suit.
ACan " have your details, pleaseCD she as#s.
" give her them, realising " have been wasting my time.
She still thin#s " am a crac#pot and, as she ushers me out,
assuring me she will be in touch, " feel the urge to cry.
====
$ater that evening, " opened a bottle of wine and the sadness
crept in. " can never save them. " always see it too late. " sip
my wine and turn on the television. he news. Strathclyde
+olice today found the body of a nineteen year oldE " switch
it off. " can;t bear to listen. " have seen it all and done the best "
can do. My heart goes out to the parents of that dead girl.
My door #noc#s and " <ump. " don;t get visitors. &ot now,
not since Julie left. " plod to the door, and open in. 9ith
surprise evident in my voice, " say A*" CouttsF Ah, come in.D "
am embarrassed to be caught wearing my old blue py<amas.
She steps in and " smell her perfume. "t is &ew 9est for
9omen, and " #now it has been applied recently.
A9hat can " do for youCD " as#, the tables turned. 3or what
reason has she come to meC
ACall me Kate,D she smiles and " feel nervous. Hr is it
e>citedC
AKate, would you li#e a drin#CD " offer.
ABes, than#s. ";ll have a coffee.D
" flee to the relative comfort of my #itchen and switch the
#ettle on. " don;t drin# coffee, but " #eep a <ar for visitors. And,
as " rarely get visitors, " hope it has not congealed. Geturning
with her cup, " find her loo#ing at the photographs " had out in
frames. Me with Julie. Me with my degree. Me with Julie. "
wish " had got around to moving them away from prying eyes.
" hand her the cup and tell her to please sit down.
AHave you seen the newsCD she as#s.
A" couldn;t watch it,D " say, curling bac# into my seat.
A9e found her.D
A" #now,D " say, sadly.
AShe;s still alive, " wanted to let you #now.D
Still aliveC /ut " had been so sure she was dead. And so
had Charlton HestonF hat;s why he had left her. AAliveCD
AShe was still in surgery the last " heard, but we found her,
than#s to you. "f she had lay there much longer, " don;t thin#
she would still be with us.D
" start to cry. She wasn;t dead. " cover my face with my
hands and sob. he poor girl.
Kate comes to me, and holds me and says, Ahere, there.D "
cry into her good grey suit, ma#ing a wet patch, and " thin#
about how good she smells, wearing the same perfume that my
Julie had worn, and " cry a bit harder.
wo years since " had been held by a woman, two long,
hard years of heartbrea# and loneliness. &ow " could feel the
stirrings again, of my want, of my need, to be held.
A3eel better nowCD she as#s, softly.
" try to laugh. ABes, " suppose,D wiping my sleeve across
my nose.
AHow long have you ?seen; thingsCD she as#s.
" sniff. AAs long as " can remember, really. " cried for a
wee# when " was five because " #new our dog was going to get
run over.D
A" didn;t believe you, you #now, when you first came in
this morning,D she says, li#e " had not already guessed that.
A" #now you didn;t. 9hat changed your mindCD " as#,
loo#ing straight into those clear blue eyes.
Ahe red rose. And " saw the torture on your face when
you were telling me. Call it a hunch,D she smiles.
" laugh. AHunches separate the good cops from the bad.D
She laughs with me again, and " am struc# by her beauty.
Maybe " could start to li#e her a little.
A9ho;s that in all the photos with youCD She nods at them.
AHh,D " say, feeling the old sadness when " thin# of Julie.
Ahat;s my e>.D
A'irlfriendCD
ABes.D &ow she would panic and ma#e an e>cuse to leave.
AHow long were you togetherCD she as#s, not panic#ing
and not leaving.
A:ight years.D
A9hy did you split upCD
AShe was having an affair,D " say, flatly.
ACouldn;t you see itCD
" cannot decide if she was moc#ing me, or was <ust plain
nosy. AActually, " couldn;t. " never saw the year of lies, and "
couldn;t smell another woman;s perfume in my bed. +erfect,
ehC " can see strangers getting raped and murdered, but not the
fact that the woman " loved was deceitful right under my
nose.D
AHow did you meet herCD
AHere;s the thing,D " e>plain. A" was twenty, still a student,
and " saw her about to get in a blac# ta>i at Iueen Street
station. " ran over, screaming at her ?9ait, waitF *on;t get inF
'et outF; She got out and some fat blo#e in a suit got in,
instead. ?:>plain; she said, not e>actly happy. ?Just watch;, "
told her. So we did and off the ta>i trundled, straight into a
smash from some car <umping a red light. he car smac#ed the
ta>i about where she had been sitting, and the fat man got out,
a bit wobbly, but o#ay. "t was her that " had seen, though, and
she would not have been o#ay. " #new those few seconds had
made all the difference.D
A"t must be hard for you to live with this not #nowing,D she
remar#s.
A";ve got used to it. *o you want another coffeeCD
ABes, please.D
" go bac# to my #itchen and told myself to 8uit it. 9as " so
hard up that " had to flirt with the first attractive woman " sawC
/ut she was the first woman " had been attracted to in two
years. 9hen " had thrown Julie out, " had been bro#en@hearted
and vowed never to get involved again. hat level of hurt "
could do without. " had opened to her, told her about my gift,
and she had believed me because she had seen it. She had
never laughed at me, she had loved meJ but then, in the end,
my gift had torn us apart.
3or months, " had seen that toddler get abducted and
abused. A tragic waste of an innocent, young life. "t had upset
me so much and " had thrown myself into my wor# to forget. "
had neglected Julie and she had sought her needs elsewhere,
until " had finally cottoned on. 9hat had she said, so full of
hateC A" thought you would have seen the signs before now.D
&o, " told myself, *" Coutts was wrong for me. She was a
policewoman, a sceptical one at that, and she was only here to
do her <ob. /ut, " as#ed myself, did that <ob entail holding me
when " cried and as#ing me about my personal lifeC
" breathe in deeply. 9hatever reason she was really here
for didn;t matter. " was not going to fall for her. " wal# bac#
into my living room and she is sitting bac# on the couch, as
though she had sat there for years. She runs her hands through
her hair, a small unreadable smile on her lips, and " shiver.
"t is the most erotic thing " had seen in years.
" sit at the opposite end of my couch from her, and ta#e a
sip of my wine. " do not #now what to say. " have butterflies in
my stomach, something " have not e>perienced since my
youth, and it ma#es me ache.
AHow did you find her thenCD " as#, trying to fill a 8uiet
space to relieve my tension.
She win#s at me. A'ot a map. Chec#ed out woods ne>t to
cemeteries. A reported missing this morning. *idn;t ta#e too
long. /ut it would have, if you had not come forward, so than#
you.D " can see she meant that.
A9elcome. " <ust wish " could have prevented itJ prevented
them all.D
A9ho;s to say you haven;t prevented moreC 9hen he finds
out this girl is still alive, maybe he will panic, ma#e a
mista#e.D
A*on;t you understandCD " shout, standing up. AHe;s
laughing at you, laughing at us all. He thin#s he is cleverer
than the police, that he will never be caught.D " stop suddenly.
A9hat;s in your bagCD
She lifts her bag and begins to open it. A"t;s a picture of
Amanda Cairns, the girl who;s been missing a month.D
" feel the surge. A'ive me it, give me itFD
" hold the picture and, as the vision comes to me, " spea#.
AAmanda Cairns. She #noc#s a door and he answers. " can see
him. 'lasses, pencil thin moustache. She;s trying to sell
something, and he lets her in. A voice shouts from a room
away, ?9ho is itC;, and he says pleasantly, ?A salesman,
mother, don;t worry, dear.; He ta#es Amanda into his front
room. His windowE She begins to tal# to him, and he;s
smiling. " don;t want to loo#, " don;t want to seeFD
Aell me,D " hear Kate whisper.
" #now tears have sprung into my eyes. AHe leaves the
room to get something, " don;t #now what and she wal#s to the
window. She;s loo#ing out atE hen the hammer hits her,
many, many times. She never had a chance to scream. She
goes down and he hits her until she is dead.
Ahen he has her.
AHe still has her, that;s why she;s not been found. He;s
#ept herF He has her in an eight by eight bo> in his other front
room. She is under dirt or compost % oh god, he waters herFD
A9hat did she see from the window, JenCD Kate is gently
coa>ing.
" thin# hard. 9hat did she seeC AShe saw a sign.
Knderground.D
A9hich one, JenCD
ACessnoc#.D
A";ve got to go.D " am awa#e. Ahan# you,D she says, and
grabs my face, #issing me on the chee#. She ta#es the
photograph. She runs out, and this time it is me watching from
a window as she <umps into her car and pulls away, wheels
s#idding.
his night, for the first time in wee#s, " go to sleep with a
face in the forefront of my mind that did not belong to a
murderer. "t belonged to *etective "nspector Kate Coutts.
====
&ot the ne>t day, but the ne>t, " bought the paper on my way
to wor#.
?Charlton Heston caughtF;
?Cessnoc# rapist snaredF;
So she had done it. She had believed me and they had got
him. &ow 'lasgow and Amanda Cairns could sleep easily
once again. " #new he had #ept Amanda because she had
turned up une>pectedly on his doorstep, delighted with the
opportunity. A 8uiet loner that would not hurt a fly, his
neighbours said. " threw the paper in the nearest bin and went
to my car. " was pretty sure " would see it all again one day,
and " should be happy that " would get some peaceful sleep for
the time being.
hen why was my mind full of Kate CouttsC
====
"t was perhaps a month or si> wee#s later, and " was again
sitting in my old blue py<amas, sipping wine and watching ?"t;s
a 9onderful $ife; when the door #noc#ed. " briefly toyed with
the idea of ignoring it, but " finally heaved myself off the
couch to answer.
*" Coutts.
AHello, you,D " said, because " did not #now what else to
say. ACome on in.D
A" brought you something,D she smiled, her perfume
into>icating me.
A&ot a red roseCD " grimaced.
A&o,D she replied, leaning in for a #iss. AMe.D
Chapter Two
" was wal#ing down Sauchiehall Street in the chuc#ing rain,
trying to remember what Kate had told me to buy in for her
wee#end party. She had some friends coming round to the flat
" lived in, that we lived in now, and " was desperate to impress.
/ut for the life of me, " could not remember.
" still had tomorrow. ";d wrap my arms around her later,
when she finally dragged herself in from her <ob, and " would
soothe her and then " would confess li#e the criminals she
interviewed every day, and she would laugh.
" was lost in dreams of *etective "nspector Kate Coutts, as
" had been since the day " met her. " had helped her solve a
murder case and find a missing girl, and now we were lovers,
living together in my little flat. " still had my old blue py<amas
and " still dran# more wine than " should have, but " was happy
now. he photos of me and my e>, Julie, had been replaced by
pictures of me and Kate, and some of our #itten, Jonah, that
she had got me for my birthday.
" loved having something to love. " loved having someone
to love. And they loved me bac#. $ife could not get any better.
So, it was with a smile on my face that " wal#ed down a
dri..ly 'lasgow street and bumped into a woman who would
change my life.
Hur shoulders smac#ed off each other and " dropped my
bag of shopping. " mumbled ASorryD as " stooped to pic# it up,
and automatically turned my eyes to see who " had hit. he girl
% she was around her mid@twenties % smiled at me and said
A";m really sorryD, but my eyes had already gone past her to
the young boy that stood ne>t to her.
" put him about five, and " #new he was a spirit. He
laughed at me. He #new " could see him and he moc#ed me.
/y now, the womanLgirl had wal#ed on, and he mouthed
ACan;t catch meD, and then ran along to catch up with her. "
stood up and followed them down the road with my eyes.
She, wal#ing obliviousJ him, following her every move.
" went home with a headache.
====
Kate came home at si>, early for her. " had already opened a
bottle of wine and " saw her frown a bit. " wanted to scream at
her, at anyone, A"t;s alright for you, you don;t have to see what
" have to seeD, but " didn;t.
AKate. Something;s going on. " saw something today and "
don;t see things for no reason.D
A" thought you hadn;t had anything since we metCD she
8uestioned, ever the copper.
A" haven;t, until today. " bumped into a woman % well, a
girl, really % and she had a spirit following her.D
" loo#ed at Kate and " #new how hard this was for her to
understand. Although " had helped her, there was always that
element of scepticism, and " resented it. 9hy could she not
trust meC
A*id it say anythingCD
AAye. He said ?Can;t catch me;. " #now what it means.D
A9hat, babeCD she sounded distracted as she reached into
the oven for the meal she #new " would have coo#ed for her.
A"t means someone is going to die.D
She too# a bite into the curry " had made and answered,
A9hy do you thin# thatCD
A/ecause he has been gaining strength. He is ta#ing
strength off that woman, and he is nearly ready.D
She continued to spoon curry into her mouth. ASo, are you
telling me that because you bumped into somebody today, you
now thin# there is going to be a murderCD
A" don;t think, " knowFD
Since we had got together, nothing had happened to me.
&o more Amanda Cairns. 9e did not tal# about it. /ut now it
was bac# " #new the nightmares would start, and " started to
panic Kate would go the same way as Julie did, and " did not
want to lose her. " loved her, but " could not ignore the
messages " was given.
AHow much have you drun#CD
AHh, for 'od;s sa#e, Kate, " am not saying this because "
am drun#. " am drun# because of thisFD
She sniggered then and said ASo, what;s your e>cuse for
the last si> monthsCD
hat incensed me and " grabbed her wrist. " let myself feel
her blood pumping until it was pumping with mine, shut my
eyes and let the wor# begin.
A";m in my bed, hiding under the covers. o, Da!!y" " am
so scared. " #now he is going to hurt me. $i#e he hurts me
every Saturday night when he has been out with the boys. he
door crea#s, and daddy comes in, with his trail of beer
permeating the room. " pull the 8uilt right over my head, as if it
will protect me. He pulls it down and breathes his beer fumes.
?Hi honey;.D
" recoil, because Kate has slapped me in the face and " see
her cryingE
Ahat;s enoughFD
She left then, and when she came bac# later that night, "
was already sleeping, loc#ed into a nightmare, recurring,
recurring, of bumping into a girl in Sauchiehall Street, and the
boy becoming a monsterJ but when " wo#e " was alone, always
alone.
====
" got up the ne>t morning to go to 'lasgow Kniversity for my
+sychology lecture, and " saw Kate sleeping on the couch. "
stood for a moment, watching her lovely face with her eyes
closed and mouth slightly open, and " regretted how " had hurt
her the night before. /ut " had had to, to ma#e her see, to ma#e
her believe once again that " was not a cran#.
" got dressed and left her a note, as#ing to leave me the list
for her party that night. " could not bring myself to wa#e her,
as it was early and " li#ed to go on the tube to Hillhead and get
a cup of tea before " faced the hordes of in8uisitive students.
She had never told me her father abused her.
====
" had a busy day, and when " got home at three, " found Kate;s
reply to my note, and swiftly too# off to the local supermar#et
to get what she wanted. hen " came home and began to
prepare for the party, cleaned and coo#ed, and then " went for
a shower.
he curtain opened and " saw her standing, grinning.
A9ell, aren;t you a sight to beholdCD
She stripped and <oined me and, as her hands wandered
over my na#ed, wet body, " #new the night before had been
forgiven. 3or the moment.
After, she helped me in the #itchen and we laughed and
hugged, and no one could have #nown that the night before "
had discovered her father fuc#ed her.
As the guests arrived, we welcomed them, introductions
were made and " noticed Kate said " was a psychology lecturer
and not a psychic, or medium. &ot even " would have #nown
what term described me.
As it turned out, it would not matter, because after the
meal, " was ta#ing the plates bac# into my #itchen, and when "
went in with the last lot, the little boy was standing in my
#itchen.
" dropped the plates.
AHey, lady,D he said. And time stopped for me.
A9hat are you doing hereCD " stood fro.en.
A";ve come to give you a clue, ?cause you;ll never catch
me.D
A9hy would " want to catch youC;
AHh, you #now you doJ it is written all over your face.D
ABou have to go. " can help you find peace.D
A" don;t want peace. " want revenge.D
A&o,D " murmured. ABou need peace, and " can help you
find it.D
AHh,D he sneered. ABou can tell me why she aborted me
and #ept that bratCD
ABes.D
ABou are full of shit. " am going to get your Kate.D
A&oF Bou don;t touch my KateFD
He laughed and wal#ed away, through my #itchen door
and out through the hall, and then he was gone.
AJennyCD
" heard the voice calling my name, so distant. AJennyFD
" focused and saw Kate, her face disapproving, her friends
crowded round the #itchen door. hey had heard me tal#ing to
myself.
AKate, the boy was here.D
AHh Jenny, for 'od;s sa#e. 9hy nowCD
"t was a long night. Her friends left 8uic#ly and " felt
aw#ward. Her friends thought " was mad, tal#ing to myself in
the #itchen, and she was embarrassed and did not #now how to
act. " felt li#e " was mad, and not for the first time.
AKate, you have to believe me % something is going to
happen. Bou are a policewoman, you can stop it.D
AStop whatC Some imaginary crime in your headC " have
no proof of anything, so how can you e>pect me to believe
youCD
hat cut li#e a #nife through my heart. A*o you want me
to hold your wrist againCD
" saw her flinch and wished " had not said that, but it was
the only way to ma#e her see that " would hurt her if it would
stop someone dying.
AStop this, Jenny. "t;s over now. " don;t #now what
happened when you helped me find that girl, and to be honest,
" don;t want to #now. "t <ust is. Bou cannot go on pretending
you canE 9ellE See dead thingsE "t;s li#e a fuc#ing
movie.D
And all at once, " #new she was scared and that saved me.
3rom hurting her more, because " would never hurt her unless "
had to.
ABou;re in danger, Kate.D
AHh fuc# you, Jenny. " am a policewoman. " am in danger
every day of my life. *on;t thin# you can e>cuse your
behaviour tonight by some feeble e>cuse. My friends thin# "
am with a nutter who has conversations with herself.D
AAnd what do you thin#CD
A" don;t #now what " thin#.D
She left and " went to bed, to be welcomed in sleep by my
recurring nightmares. here are always some things that you
can count on.
====
" fed Jonah, and the days went past and " did not see Kate. "
worried about her, but " could not sense his power had grown
and " did not try to phone her because " #new, wherever she
was, that she was safe.
hree wee#s later, when she still had not been in touch, "
realised the e>tent of my love for her. &ot that " did not #now
it before, but when you wa#e up day after day, and the person
you love is not there, and they should be there, it begins to hit
home. " loved Kate. " loved her with a sense of me that had
never been able to truly love someone before. " was scared that
" would see the end, and " had never been able to see it with
Kate.
" had never even been able to see it with Julie either, but
Kate was much more real to me.
/ut she was safe, and if she was not with me that was safer
for her, so " could suffer the solitude in my bed if it meant she
was alive.
Hf course, in my line of wor#, things are never as simple
as that, and it came to a conclusion.
" awo#e in the morning and the thud in my head hit me. "t
was li#e a hangover, only " had not been drin#ing. " had not
dran# since she left me.
My head pounded and " tried to get something from what "
was feeling, but it was li#e the messages were too heavy and
my brain could not cope, and so it pounded and pounded. " had
a glass of water from the sin# and ran my fingers through my
hair.
?Bou have to get to Kate,; a voice inside said to me. " do
not ignore voices inside me anymore. +eople tend to die if "
do.
" phoned her office, calmly, and they told me she was
already out on calls. he panic started to rise. hey would not
tell me where she had gone.
" dressed 8uic#ly and got a ta>i to the police station in
Kelvinbridge that she now wor#ed at. " found a name in my
head, another woman who had heard me tal# to myself in the
#itchen, and as#ed for her. " was clutching at straws. /ut she
remembered me, and she came out to tal# to me. She too# one
loo# at my face and ushered me into a private room.
A" need to find Kate,D " said.
AShe doesn;t want to tal# to you,D she answered. Coldly, "
thought.
A$oo#, it doesn;t matter if she wants to tal# to me or not, "
nee! to tal# to her. his is life or death.D
She openly laughed in my face, the guffaw of an entire
unbeliever.
" grabbed her wrist. AJust get the co#e to the flat at ,5- St.
'eorge;s Cross for ten o;cloc#. ";ll ma#e sure the pigs are not
around. "f not, then you are going to have to pay a wee visit to
the 'odfather, and he won;t ta#e #indly to his supplies being
messed up. *o you get me, /ennyCD
" loo#ed into her eyes and saw her face had gone white.
A&ow, you tell me where Kate has gone.D
AHow the fuc#ECD
" had no time to dally. AJust find where she has goneFD "
screamed at her, and she 8uic#ly went to find out.
She came bac# even whiter. AShe;s not answering her
mobile phoneE /ut we thin# she has gone to a flat inED
" closed my eyes and felt the utter panic rise up in me li#e
a tidal wave. My Kate. 9here was sheC
A"bro>ED
A flat in "bro>C " ran and " ran and " ran, until a ta>i too#
me there.
" stood at the great stadium that was "bro> and breathed in
for her smell, for her perfume, for a scent of her trail. His
power had grown. " felt it and he was drawing me in. "t wasn;t
Kate he wanted % it was meF
A mist had begun to settle around the flats, confronting me
and " wal#ed in a ha.e. " was drowning in a dar#ness, and
every street seemed the same, wal#ing round in circles, crying
in my head for my Kate.
Kntil " stopped in front of a flat that seemed vaguely
familiar.
?" am loo#ing out the window, loo#ing at an underground
station. " don;t #now which oneE "t;s dar# andE;
====
" awo#e later in a dar#ened room and again, the panic overtoo#
me. 9here was my KateC Had " managed to save herC hen
the panic for myself hit and " tried to get my eyes accustomed
to the dar# around me. 9here was "C " felt a lump on my head
and assumed " had been hit, perhaps passed out and been ta#en
to some closed room.
" got to my feet and began to move, with my hands on the
walls feeling for a door, or a light switch or a human body.
&othing. " was alone in a fortress.
Hr at least that;s how it seemed, until " came to the lump
on the floor. My Kate. My Kate, alive.
/reathe Kate, breathe KateF She coughed some phlegm
into my face and " smiled. A face full of snot was better than a
room full of death.
AMy loveFD
AJenCD she coughed.
A$isten to me,D " said. A9e are in a room. Can you moveC
"s anything bro#enCD
A&o.D
A9e have to find a way out. Are you with meCD
ABes. How did we get hereCD
A" don;t #now. Have you got a phone or anythingCD
A&o, she too# it off me.D
ASheCD " thought it was a boy " was loo#ing for.
ABes. She was going to tell me aboutED
AAbout whatCD
AHh, it doesn;t matter now,D and she laughed and laughed.
A bit too long.
A3or fuc#;s sa#e, KateF C;mon, we have to get out of
hereFD
" thin# " scared her then, because she got to her feet and we
began to feel for doors, and then, of course we found one.
/ecause to be able to get in, you have to be able to get out.
And " thin# a part of me #new what was coming.
Kate was a trained policewoman, so when she said she
could #ic# a door in, " stood bac# and let her. rue to her word,
she booted it down. And there we were, her arm around me,
protecting me.
She had never protected me before.
" saw a woman with a boy behind her. Kate saw a woman.
And this is where she will thin# " am mad because " didn;t
want to tal# to the woman. " needed to tal# to the boy.
AJonah, it;s o#ay now.D
Kate loo#ed at me. AJenE he #itten;s not here.D
" felt her grip on me lessen slightly.
" had to ignore her, or he might have #illed her, and " #new
he was capable of #illing her. He had grown and he could
come into a human and " would be unable to stop that.
AJonah, she loves youD
AShe doesn;tFD he spat.
AShe does, ";ll show youFD And at that, before " #new what
" was doing, " was inside the head of the girl and " was
showing him her putting flowers on the ma#eshift grave she
had made for her aborted child. " showed him her tears of
regret and the anguish her future life has entailed, and he
watched me and started to degenerate. His tears were washing
him out. Her arms were coming around him and he was letting
her cuddle him, and <ust for a second % <ust for a second % they
were solid, and they embraced.
"t was only then that " saw the #nife pressed against Kate;s
throat fall down and a loud roar of A+ut your hands in the airFD
resonate.
====
*" Mc$ean sits in my living room and we recount the events
of the wee# before. " don;t #now how he got there. So, he tells
me.
A" come in, right.D he machismo bull is on overdrive.
AAnd Kate is there with a #nife held to her throat, and medium
here,D % he points to me, and laughs % Ais having a
conversation with herself.D
ABeah,D Kate says, because she is brave now the threat has
been removed. A9hat was that all aboutCD
" smile because it is all " can do.
ASo, " shout ?+ut your hands upF; and the bitch dropped the
#nife and started to cry, and then it was all over.D
"t was all over.
Kate came over to me, and smiled, put her arm around me
% to protect me % and " let her and " smiled bac#.
/ut " saved her, and *" Mc$ean saved me.
A man saved me.
/ut it;s not the end. "t is never the end.
oday *" Mc$ean came to my flat and insisted that we go
shopping, so we did as " am easily led.
" had bought the new Killers C*, and then " saw a familiar
figure.
"t said, ABou can;t catch me.D