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Every Young Womans Battle by Shannon Ethridge & Stephen Arterburn

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she had to pay to get the pri(e) *f she paid the price but still didn+t get the
pri(e, she feels an incredible amount of humiliation in the reali(ation that
her body -asn+t enough to keep him interested) .ho -ants to announce
to the -orld that kind of shame/
Thinking you are the only one -ho feels o0er-helmed by se1ual
temptations -ill make you more 0ulnerable for failure because you -ill
be less likely to ask for help to change)
2aul tells us in 1Corinthians 10:13, 3There hath no 4444444444
taken you but such as is common to man5 but God is faithful, -ho -ill
not suffer you to be 444444444 444444444 that ye are able6 but -ill -ith
the 444444444444444 also make a -ay to 44444444, that ye may be able
to 4444444444 it." 2aul didn+t say, 7*f you e1perience se1ual temptation,
there must be something -rong -ith you because no one else struggles
-ith it that much)8 9e said that all temptations are 7common8) Because
God creates all human beings :regardless of gender, nationality, or
economic background; as se1ual human beings, you can bet that se1ual
and relational temptations are by far the most common temptations on
the planet)
.hat is the 7-ay out8 that God pro0ides so that you can stand
up under the temptation/ <oes 9e turn off your emotions altogether/ =o)
An effecti0e 7-ay out8 can come through the -ise counsel of a trusted
!hristian mentor, such as a pastor or teacher, or an accountability
friendship :being ans-erable to another person -ho challenges you to
make sure you stay on the right track; -ho is like-minded and can
encourage you to stand firm in the face of battle) Gi0e this trusted
confidant permission to ask you hard, personal >uestions, such as5 9a0e
you done things -ith your boyfriend that arouse se1ual desires in either
of you/ 9a0e you spoken flirtatious -ords that -ould turn a guy on/
9a0e you entertained se1ual fantasies or looked at pornography/
*f you in0ite someone to hold you accountable like this, you -ill
likely be more faithful about e1amining the condition of your heart and
mind that if you harbor these things -ithin yourself) .hen you fail to
li0e up to God+s standards, a -ise mentor or an accountability friend can
sharpen you, not -ith harsh judgment but -ith a reminder to use good
judgment)
Hebrews :1!"1# says, 3.herefore in all things it beho0ed him
to be made like unto his brethren, that he might be a merciful and faithful
high priest in things pertaining to God, to make reconciliation for the
sins of the people) For in that he himself hath suffered being 444444444,
he is able to succour them that are tempted)3 Also rea$ *saiah "?5?-" &
@ohn A'5A"-A$)
.hat did * learn most from this lesson/ 444444444444444444444
10 %yths &hat 'ntensi(y )ur *truggle
Buke A$5A-AC
1+ .hat is se,ual integrity/ 444444444444444444444444
%Y&H 1 - How ' $ress is my business+ 't shoul$nt be a
-on-ern (or .o$ or guys+
Demember -hat -as said earlier
about -hat stimulates guys se1ually/ *t+s
-hat they take in through their eyesE .hen
guys see something se1ually stimulating,
such as a -oman dressed immodestly, their
natural tendency is to lust after her and
entertain thoughts of becoming se1ual -ith
her) *t doesn+t matter -hether the guy is a
!hristian or not) E0en godly guys can be
0isually tempted to lust) *f you -ant to a0oid
causing your brothers to stumble and fall,
you+ll dress modestly)
/0& C1)&HE* )2 &HE W)%32*
4'.05E
.enesis 3:! says, 3And the eyes of them both -ere opened,
and they kne- that they were 444444446 and they se-ed fig lea0es
together, and made themsel0es 444444444)3
+ What $oes an a6ron -over7 4444444444444444444444444444
.enesis 3:1 says, 3Fnto Adam also and to his -ife did the
BGD< God make 44444444 of skins, and 44444444444 them)3
3+ What $oes a -oat -over7 444444444444444444444444444444
8+ Dead Be0) A#) What is na9e$ness an$ who shoul$ see it7
44444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444444
4
5ea$ A Thes)'5'-$6 *sa) ?5A&-%'6 Dom) A%5A-%)
'sa+ 8!:1"3 says, 3!ome do-n, and sit in the dust, G 0irgin
daughter of Babylon, sit on the ground5 there is no throne, G
daughter of the !haldeans5 for thou shalt no more be called tender
and delicate) Take the millstones, and grind meal5 unco0er thy
locks, make 44444444 the 4444444, unco0er the 4444444444, pass
o0er the ri0ers) Thy nakedness shall be unco0ered, yea, thy shame
shall be seen5 * -ill take 0engeance, and * -ill not meet thee as a
man)3
:eut+ :; says, 3The -oman shall not -ear that -hich pertaineth
unto a 4444444, neither shall a man put on a 444444444 garment5
for all that do so are 444444444444444 unto the BGD< thy God)3
1 &im+ :< says, 3*n like manner also, that -omen adorn
themsel0es in 444444444 apparel, -ith shamefacedness and
sobriety6 not -ith broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array63
%
%Y&H
3ll (lirting is o9ay+
Hou may think it+s al-ays okay to flirt, but that may be
because you don+t understand -hat inappropriate flirting feels like
to a guy) Betting a man kno- that you are interested in a more
meaningful relationship -ith him is one thing, but inappropriate
flirting, -hich can also be called 7teasing8 or 7seduction,8 is
another) Should you emotionally or physically stir up a man if you
ha0e no intention of pursuing a relationship -ith him/ *s it lo0ing
to tease someone -ith your attentions and affections if you ha0e no
desire to fulfill any hopes you may arouse in him/ Sho-ing a
sincere lo0e and respect for others allo-s no room for acting as if
you are interested in being se1ual -ith a guy -hen you are not)
/roverbs =:8 says, 3To keep thee from the e0il -oman,
from the 4444444444444 of the tongue of a strange -oman)3
/roverbs !:1 says, 3.ith her much fair 4444444444 she
caused him to yield, -ith the 444444444444 of her lips she forced
him)3
/eter :1# says, 3For -hen they speak great s-elling
__________ of 0anity, they allure through the 4444444444 of the
flesh, through much -antonness, those that -ere clean escaped
from them -ho li0e in error)3
>am+ 3:;"= says, 3E0en so the 44444444 is a little member, and
boasteth great things) Behold, ho- great a matter a little 4444444
kindlethE And the tongue is a fire, a -orld of ini>uity5 so is the
tongue among our members, that it 444444 the -hole body, and
setteth on 444444 the course of nature6 and it is set on fire of hell)3
*f you -ant to a0oid setting a guy+s lust aflame and to keep
your o-n passions in check, do yourself a fa0or and choose your
-ords and actions -isely)
/ro+ =:# says, 3A lying tongue hateth those that are
afflicted by it6 and a 44444444444 mouth -orketh 44444444444)3
5ea$ Ecclesiastes "5$6 2sa) "5I6 2sa) A%5?-'6 2ro) %A5%?6 2ro)
%#5%?6 @am) A5%&6 A Thes) '5A-$6 A Thes) "5%A-%?)
.e should pray like >ob =:8, 3Teach me, and * -ill hold my
4444444444445 and cause me to understand -herein * ha0e erred)3
.e should be like the -oman in /ro+ 31:=, 3She openeth her
44444444 -ith -isdom6 and in her tongue is the la- of kindness)3
%Y&H 3
?
' nee$ to have a man in my li(e to (eel as i( ' am somebo$y+
Having a boy(rien$ will solve all my 6roblems+
=e-sflash) *f you think you need a boyfriend, you are not
ready for a boyfriend) !ontrary to the mo0ie scenes you may ha0e
-itnessed -here one character declares to the other, 7Hou
complete meE8 no human being can e0er complete another) Gnly
God can 7complete8 you) Het many -omen try -ith all their po-er
to find that special someone -ho -ill make them feel as if life is
really -orth li0ing :as if li0ing as a satisfied single person isn+t
possible;)
7But -hat if * don+t like -ho * am/8 you may ask) 2erhaps
you feel a-k-ard, shy, or e0en ugly) 2erhaps you desperately -ish
you could be someone else) .ith God+s help, you can learn to
accept the things you cannot change about yourself and change the
things that you can) <on+t focus so much on the little, temporary
things, such as the guy -ho doesn+t kno- you e1ist or the
recurring (its on your nose) Take a step back and look at the bigger
picture) .hat do you dream about doing -ith your life/ .hat are
your educational, career, social ser0ice, or ministry goals/ 2ursue
those dreams and goals -ith prayer and passion) Hou+ll de0elop a
sense of -ho God made you to be, and you+ll e0en gro- to like
that person, regardless of -hether a guy notices you or ho- badly
your face breaks out)
.hy is getting a real life and pursuing personal goals so
important/ Because a boyfriend or husband -ill ne0er make you
completely happy) 2eriod) *t doesn+t matter ho- good-looking,
rich, athletic, smart, godly, or charming he may be) =o man can
e0er make you feel like you are somebody) That comes from
kno-ing ho- special you are to God and from becoming the
person God created you to be) Become that person, and you -ill
ne0er ha0e to look to a guy to make you happy) Hou -on+t need to,
because you+ll be delighted -ith yourself and -ith your life)
*t+s also true that the better person you become, the better
person you+ll attract) *f you are a godly, goal-oriented indi0idual,
you are going to attract the same) But if your life amounts to
nothing but finding someone to fill that 0acuum in your soul, you
are going to attract another desperate person) The t-o of you -ill
be like t-o ticks -ithout a dog, just sucking the lifeblood out of
each other) *f you think you had problems before, just -ait until
you try to na0igate through the muddy -aters of a dysfunctional
relationshipE
Book, * kno- that being unattached has its o-n set of
problems) Sometimes you feel lonely) Hou -orry about -hat other
people think of you) Hou contemplate your future and you fear that
'
you+ll be alone fore0er) But guess -hat/ 9a0ing a relationship
doesn+t rid you of all your problems, either) Hou are only
e1changing one set of problems for a different set of problems)
.hen you are attached, you lose the freedom of doing your o-n
thing) Hou can+t plan your o-n future because you ha0e this other
person to consider, and you still -orry about -hat other people
think of you)
Hou might think that one-half of a person added to one-half
of another person e>uals one -hole relationship, but this isn+t true)
T-o people in a relationship multiply the positi0e and negati0e
factors of each other) *f you are -ounded and incomplete, you -ill
attract the same, and the t-o of you -ill e1perience a mere fraction
of -hat God intended J and a -hole lot of -hat -as not) A good
relationship is about becoming the right person not finding the right
person)
Colossians :10 says, 3And ye are 4444444444 in him,
-hich is the head of all principality and po-er53
/hili66ians 8:1< says, 3But my God shall supply all your
444444 according to his riches in glory by !hrist @esus)3
Another good 0erse is Corinthians <:#)
%Y&H 8
.uys want basi-ally the same thing (rom $ating relationshi6s
that girls want+
Demember J guys gi0e love to get 444444, but girls gi0e
sex to get 4444444) Talking and bonding emotionally isn+t on the
top of most men+s list of priorities) God -ired guys differently)
They are built for 0isual stimulation) Their ultimate goal is
physical intimacy) Gn the other hand, you, as a female, are built for
relational stimulation) Hour ultimate goal is emotional bonding)
*t+s just ho- God made you) .hen it becomes ob0ious that a guy
-ants more physically than you can gi0e -ith a clear conscience,
it+s time to recogni(e that this relationship is not one that is
honoring to you or to God)
/roverbs !:0 says, 39ell and destruction are ne0er full6
so the 44444444444 of man are ne0er satisfied)3
%Y&H ;
%y love will save him+ ' -an -hange him+
"
<on+t make the mistake of dating a guy -ho needs some
major repair -ork before you could consider him marriage
material) any young -omen are dra-n to a guy+s -ild, rebellious
side and then set out on a mission to mold him into the kind of man
they really -ant him to be) * hate to break it to you, but you can+t
change or sa0e anyone) Gnly God is in the business of doing that
successfully) The research has already been done) A -oman+s lo0e
does not change a broken man+s beha0ior) *t only 0alidates it) 9er
lo0e says to him, 7Hou are okay the -ay you areE8 *f you don+t
-ant to be hurt emotionally in a dating relationship, lea0e the
sa0ing and changing of others to the Bord) *nstead, simply pray for
guys -ho ha0e a lot of gro-ing up and changing to do before they
can be considered good marriage material)
Demember, -ho you look at and -ant to date is -hat you
are going to marry) Be sure that the men you are interested in do
not need a character o0erhaul, by you or anyone else)
3Therefore if any man be in 44444444, he is a ne- creature5 old
things are passed a-ay6 behold, all things are become ne-)3
Corinthians ;:1!
Colossians 3:10 says, 3And ha0e put on the ne- _____,
-hich is rene-ed in kno-ledge after the image of him that created
him53 Also read E6hesians 8:8)
%Y&H =
' (eel so se,ually tem6te$? ' must alrea$y be guilty? so why
bother resisting7
Satan lo0es to use false guilt, con0incing us to cross the
line bet-een temptation and sin -ith thoughts like these5
Hou can+t deny that you -ant himE Hou may as -ell go
after himE
Hou+0e already gone this far, -hat+s one step further/
9e already kno-s ho- you really are, so there+s no use
pretending to be good)
Satan uses thoughts like these to cause you to feel guilty,
but your guilt is false guilt because you ha0e not yet acted on your
thoughts) Hou ha0e been tempted to sin, but you ha0e not yet
sinned)
.hen @esus taught that thinking on se1ual things is just as
sinful as doing them in atthe- "5%$-%#, 9e -as referring to
entertaining :enjoy thinking; se1ual thoughts o0er and o0er or
intentionally fantasi(ing about someone in se1ual -ays) There are
&
thoughts that pop into our minds simply because -e are human,
but -e don+t ha0e to entertain them or focus on them) .e can
distract oursel0es and resist these thoughts, just as -e can resist
any temptation) @ust as guys can learn to bounce their eyes a-ay
from things they should not see, you can learn to bounce your
thoughts a-ay from things you should not d-ell on) Demember
that temptation, in and of itself, is not sin) There+s nothing to feel
guilty about -hen you are tempted) *f you don+t belie0e us, maybe
you -ill belie0e the -riter of 9ebre-s chapter ' -hen he says in
0erses A" & A&5 3For -e ha0e not an high priest -hich cannot be
touched -ith the feeling of our infirmities6 but -as in 444444
points 444444444 like as we are, yet -ithout sin) Bet us therefore
come boldly unto the throne of grace, that -e may obtain mercy,
and find grace to help in time of need)3
@esus 9imself -as tempted in e0ery -ayE The -riter didn+t
say, 79e -as tempted in e0ery -ay e1cept se1ually)8 @esus -as
human, and 9e e1perienced e0ery human temptation) 9e set the
e1ample for us that just because -e are se1ually tempted, it does
not mean that -e must gi0e in to our passions)
>ames 1:18"1; says, 3But e0ery man is 444444444, -hen
he is dra-n a-ay of his o-n 44444, and enticed) Then -hen lust
hath 44444444444, it bringeth forth 4444445 and sin, -hen it is
finished, bringeth forth death)3
5omans #:13 says, 3For if ye li0e after the 4444444, ye
shall die5 but if ye through the 4444444 do mortify the deeds of the
body, ye shall 4444444)3
.alatians =:# reads, 3For he that so-eth to his 444444
shall of the flesh reap 4444444446 but he that so-eth to the 444444
shall of the Spirit reap 4444444 e0erlasting)3
.alatians ;:1="1< says, "This * say then, .alk in the
4444444444, and ye shall not fulfil the 4444444 of the flesh) For
the flesh lusteth 44444444 the Spirit, and the Spirit against the
flesh5 and these are 44444444 the one to the other5 so that ye
cannot do the things that ye -ould) But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye
are not under the la-) =o- the -orks of the flesh are manifest,
-hich are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness,
lasci0iousness,3
5omans 1:1" reads, 3* beseech you therefore, brethren,
by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a li0ing
sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable
ser0ice) And be not 444444444 to this -orld5 but be ye
transformed by the 444444444 of your 444444, that ye may pro0e
-hat is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, -ill of God)3
Also rea$ A!orinthians &5I-%C; A2eter %5AA6 AThes) '5?-'
$
%Y&H !
&heres no one who woul$ really un$erstan$ my struggle+
.e belie0e this myth e1ists because, fearing judgment,
girls usually don+t openly discuss their se1 li0es -ith other
females) Fnfortunately, these fears are often confirmed 0ery early
in childhood) For instance, one girl tells a friend about her secret
crush on a boy in their class) The friend ine0itably -hispers the
secret to t-o other friends, or -orse, tells the boy all about the
girl+s confession) *f you -ent through e1periences like these, you
may ha0e learned to guard you deepest, darkest secrets from other
females) Hou may think girls simply cannot be trusted) any also
find out the hard -ay that confiding in guys can be more
dangerous) All a girl can do is betray your confidence) A guy can
take ad0antage of your 0ulnerability and make you his ne1t se1ual
target if you aren+t standing firm in your con0ictions)
.omen also tend not to be open about their se1ual
struggles because of the humiliation that comes -ith gi0ing se1 in
order to get lo0e) .hile some may brag about the fact that they+re
ha0ing se1 -ith a particular guy, most don+t brag about the total
number of se1ual partners they+0e had) That+s because for a
-oman, the relationship is the pri(e6 the se1 -as simply the price
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