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3. Building Attraction
Presumably, she was attracted to you when you met, but this dissipates over time. You
can’t build a ton of attraction in text messages but you can build some, and you can use
texts to bring her attraction levels back up to the level where you first met and you can
maintain it there. In Magic Bullets we identify and explain the eight most universal
“attraction switches” – things that most women will be attracted to (Health, Social
Intuition, Humor, Status, Wealth, Pre-selection, Confidence, and Challenging). But
that’s a general guide, not a specific plan for an individual woman, so use your
knowledge of her and her personality to calibrate to her.
Attraction is built emotionally, not logically. Through text messaging, it’s best done
with light-hearted messages that assume a level of familiarity, contain wit or humor, and
are flirty without making her uncomfortable. Some good elements to include are:
○ Role plays
○ Random childish jokes
○ Light sexual teasing or misinterpretation
○ Funny or teasing pet names
○ Invoking commonalities you found when you met (this also builds comfort, see
below)
We can’t cover all of these in detail in this article (and it’s not an exhaustive list
anyway), but let’s go through a couple of examples. Role play is a powerful technique.
When Braddock met Claire, he found out that she was from San Diego. Among other
things, they talked about the movie Anchorman. So even a silly text message like “ I’m
Ron Burgundy, I’m kind of a big deal” made her laugh and boosted her attraction.
It’s not just one-liners either. Sometimes the attraction or humor comes from the back-
and-forth. Returning to example of Katie the Banker, we can see this attraction-building
conversation:
Braddock: “ Are you stealing pennies from the elderly or telling Tiny Tim’s dad
that he has to work an extra shift? You know this could be Tim’s last
Christmas...”
Katie: “Who is tiny Tim?”
Braddock: “Wow... missed the scrooge reference?!? Minus 3 cool points...”
Katie: “Ohhhhh... wait!!! Now I remember the Christmas movie. Not fair, Tiny
Tim threw me off.”
Braddock: “They let retards play with people’s money!?!? Hmmm... What bank
do you work at again? Ok, back to work. Talk to you later brat. : ) [or suitable
nickname... this one worked here because she was young and already
acknowledged she can be a bit of a brat sometimes] ”
You still want to be unpredictable and challenging enough to keep her interested. Don’t
always send long replies, don’t always reply quickly, and don’t always be funny.
Varying how and when you reply helps build value and scarcity. It will make her feel
like she has to earn you. But be careful with this one, and don’t ruin a good situation by
playing too many games. You can’t technically see her face, body language, or hear her
voice tonality to truly know how she is reacting to this.
Don’t try to impress her through text messages. Trying to thread a bunch of information
that you assume will make her like you more often has the opposite effect.
4. Building Comfort
In addition to maintaining and building attraction, you need to maintain and build
comfort. This is actually easier, since building comfort is as much about what you don’t
do as what you do. In general, just act like a positive, non-threatening environment in
her life. As long as your conversation is going well, time and communication will build
and maintain comfort for you.
Some of the things that break her comfort with you include:
○ Trying to make plans with her too early. This might make her feel pressured and
on the spot.
○ Being too predictable. This affects attraction as well. If you always respond to
her messages right away and are clearly trying too hard, this might make her
uncomfortable. Generally, a woman will be more comfortable if you seem to be
at least a little bit of a challenge.
○ Responding negatively when she shows low commitment. Some women may be
interested but still don’t always reply or will still send short responses. If you
become angry or needy, that kills comfort. Don’t react to low commitment
behavior by apologizing for making jokes and/or asking what you did wrong. A
woman wants a man who is centered and not dependent on her approval or
putting her on a pedestal, especially early on. Always stay positive and
unaffected.
○ Implying that she is much more committed than she actually is. Assuming some
familiarity is great, but avoid early texts that are overly sweet, or overly nice. Be
real, and don’t try to trade kindness for her approval or affection. Stay away
from a text like: “ I just walked past the most beautiful rose garden. It reminded
me of you. You had a rose pattern on your skirt last Saturday right? Hope you
are having a wonderful day .” Most women would think this is creepy and that
the man is reaching too hard to try to find commonalities. Even “ did you get
home safe?” won’t help you unless it’s in a context in which you would ask that
of any close friend.
Light, fun text messages that add to her day without making her feel pressured create
comfort. Here are a couple of examples – there’s nothing special about them in
themselves; just get a sense of the general pattern:
○ “Next coworker who feels it necessary to smugly inform me, (unsolicited, I might
add) that their 3 rd grader made the honor role is getting a body slam, followed by
the people’s elbow! How’s your day?”
○ “What’s up crazy? [or suitable nickname] Just saw a guy walking an English
bulldog like you said you wanted. That poor thing was hideous. What are you
thinking?!” [obviously this was to someone who said she wanted an English
bulldog]
Damage Control
Some situations are harder than others and sometimes you will feel like you’re not
getting anywhere. Some men who feel a situation flipping through their fingers will
make the fatal mistake of trying to reel her back by texting more and/or longer texts. Do
not ever text from the mindset of: “I need to correct my mistake.” Think back to a time
when a woman chased you when you weren’t giving her any encouragement and how
you lost attraction for her. Once things start going downhill, it’s really hard to turn them
around. Even “good” texts at this point just come across as try-hard or supplicative.
In general, if it’s not working, stop the bleeding. Stop sending her messages. If it was a
minor mistake, than just stop texting her for a day or two and give her time to forget
about it. Then send her something light in a few days and pretend like it never happened.
Never text her asking if you messed up, or apologize assuming you did something
wrong if you didn’t, or try too hard to be overly funny or say “just kidding” incessantly.
If it was a major mistake, wait longer before re-initiating.
Some women just don’t like texting. In such situations, don’t force the issue; just call
her.
Further Context
This (very brief and simplified) summary hopefully gave you some idea on how more
phone numbers can be turned into dates and a taste of how dating science can work. We
wanted to close by listing a few good resources for further reading:
○ Magic Bullets - our flagship book that gives a full overview of our system.
Written by Nick Savoy.
○ The Love Systems Routines Manual - hundreds of specific stories, games,
openers, and things to say or do in virtually any situation, with an analysis of
each. These are word-for-word the things we actually use when meeting women.
○ The Attraction Forums - a free online message board for the dating science
community
○ The Love Systems website - take a look around to see bios of our instructors,
descriptions of our training programs, our free publications library, instructors’
blogs, and so on.
And of course feel free to send us questions or comments. We can be reached at
Savoy@LoveSystems.com and Braddock@LoveSystems.com