WVU Extension Service Families and Health Programs
Does birth order help shape us into who we are? Researchers
opinions vary widely. This educational topic examines the different birth order placements and their typical characteristics. Typical is defned here as the characteristics that are most common to different birth order positions. Being the oldest child, the middle child, or the baby may impact our personal development. We will highlight a common, three-child family in this program topic. Background The infuence of birth order has longintrigued psychologists. Alfred Alder, the founder of Individual Psychology, formally raised the issue in the early 1900s. Birth order refers to a persons place in the family. Some psychologists have labeled it the family constellation. The basic question is, How much does his or her position in the family mold a persons personality? Why are siblings often so different? They have the same parents, grew up in the same household, and yet seem unlike each other. Over time, parental attitudes, circumstances, and relationships may change. So the frstborn doesnt really experience the same parents as the youngest child or the three children in between. Each individual is unique. We are products of our heredity and environment. A powerful part of that environment is our family. Birth order theories are not easily measured. Common tendencies that have been observed over time lend support to generalizations about behavior. Awareness of those tendencies may help us, as individuals, to interact more effectively with our children, spouses, and co-workers. The descriptions used here are based on a three- continued WLG 237 Does Birth Order Really Matter? Sue Flanagan,WVU Extension Agent, Berkeley County Patty Morrison,WVU Extension Agent, Wirt County Educational Objectives 1. Participants will have a greater awareness of the possible impacts of birth order positions. 2. Participants will examine the different birth order placements and their typical characteristics. WVU Extension Service Families and Health Programs child (frst, middle, and last) family. The only child is also described. In families with more or fewer than three children, common characteristics may not be as pronounced. Variables Dr. Kevin Leman, author of The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are, believes that birth order can help provide answers about personality. He stresses being aware of the variables affecting family situations. Some variables include: Spacing (the number of years between children) If the children are more than fve years apart in age, birth order characteristics may not apply. In such cases, the family may, in fact, have two frstborns. Gender The sex of the children can have a great impact. The frst son may be treated like the frstborn despite having an older sister. The youngest boy with three older sisters has a different family position than a youngest boy with three older brothers. Physical differences, disabilities, or medical needs A special childs need for extra attention can skew typical characteristics. Family structures Any blending of two or more families because of death, divorce, or the decision by adults to live together can infuence the birth order patterns. Parental birth order impact The birth order position of the parents and their relationship can affect the home environment. Here is a brief outline of the four birth order groups without regard to these variables. The Firstborn Its easy to understand the special relationship the frstborn has with her parents. Everything the child accomplishes is recorded, applauded, and documented. First-time parents try to be sure to do everything right to parent properly. Their attitude may be refected by the child who then tries to please the parents by doing everything right. Parents also typically spend more time with the frst child. Their attention is not divided among several children but focused on only one. They have time to play with their frstborn and provide more language interactions. The encouragement the parents give the frstborn may increase her desire to achieve and receive praise, but it also may raise the pressure to succeed. The frstborn often becomes very skilled at knowing what parents (and later teachers and bosses) want, and then doing it. She becomes very rule-conscious and goal-oriented, with strong attention to detail. Because the family later may rely on the frstborn and leave her in charge of younger siblings, she becomes more dependable. Her younger siblings view her as their leader, and her leadership ability and confdence increase. She is frequently described as ambitious, determined, and organized. Being the frstborn also presents some disadvantages. The desire to please can cause some frstborns to fear failure to such an extent that they set even higher standards. There is more pressure, higher expectations (she must set the good example), and the rules for behavior may be tighter and stricter for the frst child, even as additional children are born. The Only Child The only child may be lonely for playmates but frequently enjoys the undivided attention of his parents. Because of the extra time spent interacting with adults, he frequently develops WVU Extension Service Families and Health Programs strong language skills. Time spent alone helps develop his creativity and imagination. He may have opportunities that children from large families lack. The stereotype of the spoiled and selfsh only child has been replaced by the realization that he can be as happy and well-adjusted as a child in any birth position. However, the pressures on the only child can be large. All the weight of his parents expectations is refected by this child. In addition, the childs own high goals can present a burden. He can have a more driven personality than even a frstborn. He may be described like a frstborn (well-organized, reliable, conscientious, serious, and conservative) to an extra degree. The urge for perfection may develop into a tendency to be critical of himself and others. The Middle Child Look at a photo album of a family with three children and you will usually notice something quickly. Normally, there are many pictures of the frstborn, several of the youngest, but often few of the middle born. The middle born may appear in lots of pictures with the siblings. Lack of such individual attention may make the middle child feel unloved. The characteristics of the middle child can exhibit the most variety of any of the birth order positions. The middle child may be a mediator or one who totally avoids confict. She may be shy and quiet or friendly and outgoing. She may compete with the older child or decide to avoid competition. She may be independent but extremely loyal to a peer group. The middle child can sometimes be the familys rebel. Many times, she excels at something the frstborn does not. For example, if the older child does well in school, the middle child may take up sports and excel in athletics while being an average student. The middle child may feel squeezed by the older and younger siblings. She may feel she doesnt have a place in the family. She is not the prized frstborn or the cute baby. It may seem that the middle child has the toughest family position, but this position also can offer the best of both worlds. She is younger than the oldest, yet older than the youngest. She is both a big sister and a little sister. Middle-born children tend to have more people skills than their siblings because of the negotiating and mediating they have had to do growing up. The middle child often is thought of as the effective team player and may have carved out her place outside the family, thereby acquiring many friends. The Youngest Child The youngest child in the family often hears You will always be the baby even when he is 30 years old. Often, the baby is the outgoing charmer, the air head, the affectionate one. The youngest child likes to perform for the other members of the family to get attention. Since he frequently is catered to by everyone, he can develop some less favorable traits and be critical, temperamental, spoiled, impatient, and impetuous. The youngest child often may have everyone in the family pampering and making over him. The older siblings enjoy playing with the baby, and mom and dad are more relaxed at this point in their parenting life. The youngest child does not have either the pressures of the oldest child or the left out feeling of middle child. He has two older siblings to learn from, but he may also depend on them too much. Sometimes the youngest child will not accept responsibility or make decisions on his own. The older siblings have been the leaders, and frequently the youngest has not had to be an independent thinker. WVU Extension Service Families and Health Programs Conclusion In addition to ones place in the family, the combinations of gender and number of children in a family can vary in many ways that can affect personality. As always, human actions may defy the predicted responses. Knowing the birth order of people we interact with may help us understand why both we and they are the way we are. Suggested Activities ACTIVITY 1: Before sharing the participant leafet (WL 237), read aloud the descriptions of each birth order and ask participants to raise their hand if the description matches them. Ask them what birth order they are and see if the description matches their birth position. Firstborn: high-achiever, conscientious, determined, leader Only Child: creative, perfectionist, super- organized, strong language skills Middle Child: outgoing, fexible, generous, a mediator Youngest Child: charming, affectionate, enjoys attention, impatient
ACTIVITY 2: Using the characteristics listed above, have participants match the characteristics with the birth order position. You could do this on paper or orally. ACTIVITY 3: (Suitable for a large group) Preparation: Before the activity, copy the following instructions on four sheets of paper. Instructions: The frst person to pick up this paper becomes the leader of this group. Introduce yourself and have everyone else in your group do the same. In the next 10 minutes, as a group, make a list of personality characteristics you have in common. Divide the group into birth order groups and send each group to a different part of the room. Let them just talk for a few minutes without giving them any verbal instructions. Quietly slip one sheet of paper face down on the foor into each group. Watch and make notes of which group looked at the paper frst and what they did. Make an announcement after a few minutes that time is almost up. Observe how each group reacts. Ask each group to share their list of characteristics. Then report what you observed about each group. Were their actions consistent with what you have learned about birth order? References: Leman, Dr. Kevin, The Birth Order Book: Why You Are the Way You Are, New York: Dell Publishing, 1985 Needlman, Robert, M.D., F.A.A.P., Birth Order Topics, Birth Order: The Basics; Birth Order Is Not Destiny; Firstborns: The Family Pioneers; Middle Children: Finding Their Own Pride of Place; Only Children: Finding the Middle Ground between Lonely and Lionized; Youngest Children: The Perks and Perils of Being the Baby Richardson, Lois A., M.A. and Dr. Ronald W. Richardson, Birth Order and You, How Your Sex and Position in the Family Affects Your Personality and Relationships, International Self-Counsel Press Ltd., 1990. www.drSpock.com 2005, Dr. Spock Company, July 2007, www.drspock.com/topic/0,1504,586,00.html 2007:10M Programs and activities offered by the West Virginia University Extension Service are available to all persons without regard to race, color, sex, disability, religion, age, veteran status, political beliefs, sexual orientation, national origin, and marital or family status. Issued in furtherance of Cooperative Extension work, Acts of May 8 and June 30, 1914, in cooperation with the U.S. Department of Agriculture. Director, Cooperative Extension Service, West Virginia University. FH07222