Abstract:

Online forums are known for bringing together people from all walks of life that have
similar ideas and lifestyles come together and support each other when others who do not
support them or understand them will not. One such instance of a forum becoming a support
group is for those who live the child free lifestyle. These are a culture of people who have
voluntarily decided never to have children even if they are fertile. This ethnography explores
adults both young and old and both male and female who choose to live this lifestyle without any
regrets how it affects their daily lives. This research was conducted via online forum through
reddit.com under a sub-forum known as r/childfree during a semester long period in which the
ethnographer herself participated by posting and replying to posts on said forum. Also, I
conducted interviews with members of the forum and a couple of other people who considered
themselves child free but did not participate in the forum. The angle of this research was not only
study the child free culture but also to determine if there is a double standard between females
who choose to be child free and males who also choose to be child free. The typical double
standard is that it is mostly frowned upon for a woman not to have children than it is for a man.
By researching this particular group of people, it should dispel any myths and misunderstandings
about the child free culture and determine whether or not there is a double standard and different
treatment towards men and women who live this lifestyle. In addition to this finding, there were
some other finding I made such as disproving the stereotype that members of the child free
community are selfish and that they hate children. The end result of this ethnography should
educate those unfamiliar with the child free style and gain a better understanding as well.

Setting and Field of Study:
I decided to study the child free community after looking at the forum myself before
joining class, I wasnt subscribed nor did I post anything on the forum, but it was interesting to
see how a lot of users in the forum would get negative reactions from friends and family just
because they chose not to have kids. I wanted to study and research the child free community to
get their side of the story and see if there was any truth in the stereotypes people make about
them, are they truly selfish as people claim they are for not having children? And just because
they dont children, does that mean they hate them too? I wanted to find answers to these
questions and see if there was truth to them.
In order to interact with a lot of people who are child free, I chose a virtual setting like
the r/childfree forum, a sub-forum within reddit.com. Using a virtual setting where I can connect
with people from all over the world with different backgrounds and cultures gave me the
advantage to hear their side of the story and why they were child free. It was also easier to record
my observations from the comfort of my home and because the members of the forum could also
make comments and threads on the forum at the comfort at their own home, despite their
location and time zone. So if for example Im not there when a new thread was posted and Im
not able to get to my computer, I can always look back and read the thread at a later time so it
was a major advantage to participating in a virtual setting.
Overall, I want this ethnography to educate those who are unfamiliar with the child free
community. I noticed in a lot of the observations that a lot of the times, people who are not
familiar with the child free lifestyle will often say make statements that inadvertently offend
members of the child free community. One of the artifacts I collected, known as breeder bingo
was a collection of responses the child free community gets when they make it known they are
not interested in having children. Some of these responses include Children are a womans
greatest achievement, its different when its your own and the popular people who dont
want kids are selfish. Responses like these are usually offensive because not all women
consider having children their greatest achievement and no, people who are child free are not
selfish either and have rather selfless reasons for not having children.
Research and Methodology:
Before fully investing in this project, I asked the moderators in the r/childfree forum their
permission to conduct my research in the forum. Once I had their permission, I made a formal
post on the forum explaining to the members of the forum what I was doing there, what my
intentions were and their participation was completely voluntary and anyone who chose not to
participate let it be known to me. Aside from obtaining permission from the forum and its
members, I also obtained certification from the Institutional Review Board (IRB) on behalf of
the Collaborative Institutional Training Initiative at the University of Miami so I could study
human subjects. I took a brief course online which upon successful completion, I was awarded a
Human Subjects Research Certificate. Once I obtained this certificate I started the first phase of
my research.
Furthermore, as soon as the moderators gave me permission to conduct research, I began
making observations on forum. Since I didnt have an account prior to my research, I made one
so I would be able to post comment and threads. I went under the username ethnogirl to let
others know who I was and also had a flair next to my username that said CF/21/ This
subereddits unofficial ethnographer where I state my age and that Im doing research so when I
post a comment or thread, I let my presence be known. I spent about three to five hours a week
reading threads that I thought were relevant to my research. In these observations, I was
meticulous and recorded data I thought was relevant and could later use. This included the date
and time when I made the observations, how many comments had been made when I was
making my observations and the number of upvotes and downvotes the thread and its current
approval rating in the form of a percentage which was automatically calculated by the number of
upvotes and downvotes in the thread. I addition, I would also make note of the title of the thread
and the name of the user who posted the thread. Most of my data consisted making note of what
the original poster of the thread wanted to accomplish by making the thread and the comment
replies from other users on the thread. I would try to gather as many opinions that were posted as
possible including the ones that were contradictory to get a better understanding of the users in
the forum. Once I made a general observation on the thread, I made an effort to make an analysis
of what I just wrote and how was it relevant to my research. My earlier observations included
screenshots of some of the conversations that took place in the threads because when I began, I
wanted to show my intended audience what my virtual field looked like. After a few weeks of
observations, I stopped including screenshots except when a thread was observing was linked to
a picture and I would include the picture in my observations.
Another method I employed in my research was interviews. In order for me to recruit
potential interviewees, I made a thread on r/childfree asking for volunteers to participate in a
brief interview. In order for my thread to gain attention, one of the moderators stickied my post
meaning it was given priority on the front page with a bold green font to gain attention. Within a
few hours of my post, I had many replies with different people volunteering to participate in my
interview. I emailed them consent forms and an interview protocol and what to expect in the
interview and for those who requested it, the interview questions beforehand. Because some of
my interviewees didnt all live in the United States and lived in different time zones than I did, I
had to schedule around their time zones and used Skype since its a free service and I could
interview them for free in any part of the world. For those who did live in the United States and
preferred to do the interview by phone, I used Google Voice. Google Voice is a free service
provided by Google where one makes an account, picks a phone number provided by Google and
that number is linked to your mobile phone. I used this service to protect the privacy of both my
interviewees and
me. Once all the
interviewees
agreed to the terms
of the consent
form, they all
agreed to be recorded for the sake of transcribing the interviews.
The other method I also integrated in my research was surveys. Again, I made a thread on
the forum asking for volunteers to participate in the survey and in order to gain attention and get
as many people to participate as possible; it was stickied by one of the moderators. Since this
survey didnt involve a process where consent forms needed to be sent and looked and be
scheduled for a time that was convenient for both parties, I received a large response for the
survey. As of December 8, 2013 there have been one thousand, one hundred and seventy-six
responses to the survey. The reason why there were so many responses for the survey as opposed
to the interviews and other threads I posted is because forty-nine percent (see Figure 1) of the
responders to this survey considered themselves lurkers, meaning they tend to just read threads
Figure 1
and comments rather than posting them. A survey is the best non-confrontational to get as many
replies as possible. Another reason why there were so many more responses than expected is
because since this is an open and public forum, anyone who is not subscribed to this forum can
also lurk as well and most likely responded to the survey since it was stickied for about a
week.
In addition to surveys and interviews, I also collected artifacts that were important to
better understand the child free community. One of the most prominent artifacts that can be seen
scattered throughout the forum is flairs. A flair is a grey colored text box that is displayed next to
the user name of the persons account. Some flairs will have the A/S/L format- age, sex and
location but rather than location, some will have the type of birth control that is used or the kind
of pets people have instead of kids. Others dont use this format and instead state the reason why
they dont want kids. However, these flairs can only be visible within the forum so if a user were
to post outside of r/childfree, the flair would not be visible. The second artifact that was worth
collecting was the so-called breeder bingo or child free bingo. Its not an actual game of
bingo, rather a collection of phrases and questions for reasons why someone who is child free
should have kids that have been organized as a game of bingo. These replies on the bingo board
are not welcomed in child free community and are seen as offensive because the ones who make
ignorant responses to someone who is child free is not respecting their choice, rather trying
ineffectively to change their mind and completely dismissing their personal choices. The third
artifacts that I collected were the sticky posts on the forum. Only the moderators are authorized
to sticky posts but the times they are used was for the weekly Freedom Friday events. These
events are held on Friday to celebrate any last minute plans for the weekend or vacation anyone
on the forum wants to share that otherwise would not be possible if they had children. I also used
the sticky posts to my advantage for my research. If I needed to recruit volunteers for my
interview and survey, I would post a thread and then ask a mod to sticky it for a few days so it
can gain as much attention as possible to gain the amount of responses I would need. The fourth
artifact I collected was the database of child free friendly doctors. The fact that a list had to be
made suggests the kind of prejudice the child free community faces. This list was put together by
different members of the forum who found doctors that were willing to give perform procedures
that would lead to sterilization such as vasectomies or tubal ligations despite never having
children previous to the procedure. Finally, another artifact that was worth noting was the
upvotes/downvotes system. This is a method that members of the forum can express their
approval on a thread or comment and it can go as far as gaining attention to be the top comment
on a thread or the most popular thread can make it to the front page of the forum. Sometimes, the
downvotes can be used to hide comments. Because this is a public forum and anyone who has a
reddit account can post here, its not rare that someone who doesnt agree with the idea will often
come in the forum and expresses their disapproval. Usually, that comment gets deleted by the
moderator or before that happens; they get downvoted to the point where the comment remains
hidden. Overall, I used all these resources to put together my findings about the child free
community.
Problems and Barriers in Research:
Since the beginning of this project, I was fortunate enough to interact with a large group
of people who were willing enough to welcome me in the forum and allow be to conduct my
research. There was always more than enough volunteers who were willing to participate and
make their opinions heard. However, there were some barriers in my research which were easily
overcome. One of them was keeping track of the time zones when interviews were scheduled.
Even though I was in the Pacific Standard Time Zone, not everyone else was, especially if they
were in a different continent so I had to keep that in account. Fortunately, there was no trouble
coordinating a schedule that works out for everyone especially since a lot of people were
available to participate in the interview during the weekends. Another barrier I found was when
it came to the survey. Even though I did my best cover my bases and make sure all the questions
were as neutral and as unbiased as possible, I still had to change some questions around. For
example, there was question were I asked What is your relationship status? and I included as
many categories as possible, I forgot to include domestic partnership as an option. Even though
same sex marriage is recognized in my state, it isnt for others who live in other states or in other
countries. Another question that also needed to be fixed was when I asked What is your
socioeconomic status? and one of the potential answers was lower class. I had to end up
changing it to working class since it was seemed offensive to someone on the forum who
pointed it out to me. In the end, most of the barriers I encountered were easily compromised and
fixed.
Evolution of Research:
When I began my research, my intentions where to initially find a double standard
between males and females who are child free and whether they were treated differently because
of their sex. However, after spending over fourteen weeks and making observations, I noticed a
lot of recurring themes and patterns that were worth mentioning and discussing. One of those
findings was about how the topic of dating came up many times. A lot of members in the forum
where concerned whether to bring up that topic during a date or it was also about a couple
members expressing concern whether or not they should date a single parent even though they
considered themselves to be child free. Another theme that I saw come up many times was the
fact that the child free community is often criticized for hating children because they have no
desire to have their own. Even though some members avoid being around children, other have
built their careers working with children which was another interesting finding that I made.
Finally, the other recurring pattern I saw in my observations was how the child free community
also receives criticism for being selfish because they dont want children. As the researched
evolved, it was interesting to see how many stereotypes were broken within the forum.
Findings:
One of the most repeated themes in my observations was the topic of dating. A lot of the
users in the forum were concerned about when they were dating, should they bring up the topic
right away or wait until or other times, there was debate whether or not they should date
someone who is a single parent. The first instance this was recorded in my observations was on
September 17, 2013 when a user, user #1, posted a thread where she solicited the opinions of
others who had dated anyone with children since she had a friend who was trying to set her up
with a single father for a date and was hesitant about how to go about that situation because she
considered herself child free. Most users advised her against it like user #2 who recalled being a
situation where she dated a man who had children but it became too difficult because he had
baggage from his divorce. Another user, user #3, reminded her that when one dates a parent, you
wont come in first place, the kids will which is difficult to understand if you are not a parent.
The next time a similar thread was posted, it was on October 28, 2013 only this time it was by a
user who goes by user #4 who asks if anyone has been in the current situation she is where she is
dating a man with children and even though she doesnt hate children, she is asking for the
advice on the forum for others who have been in a similar situation as her. Again, most of the
users on the forum seemed to advise against it due to their personal experiences with dating
single parents. For example, one user, user #5, recounted how she once dated a single for about
four years and considered it a grave mistake because in the end, she described it as being saddled
down with the responsibilities of a parent without many perks that go along with it. Another user,
user #6, reminds the OP that kids are a package deal and there is a level of responsibility that one
has for those kids if OP wants to date a single father. Another factor that needs to be taken in
consideration is the ex-wife/girlfriend which user #8 brings up. Should OP decide to date him,
the ex will be a part of her life if things get serious. User #9 also points out that it's impossible to
be child free and be in a relationship with someone who has children because there is the
possibility of being a potential step-parent. The overall sentiment of dating a single parent when
you consider yourself to be child free is usually not advised because it complicates the
relationship if one isnt willing to accept those children in their lives.
Another time dating comes up is when there is a debate how soon to bring up in a date
that one is child free. The first time I recorded an observation where that topic was brought was
October 2, 2013 where a user who goes by user #10 made a thread asking how long after they
met their significant other did they admit they were child free? Some users on the thread like
user #11 explains that it was revealed on the first date and they were both on the same page
about it. Her significant other was relieved to finally find someone who didnt want kids after
going through many profiles online and women claiming they didnt want kids, but meant they
didnt want them at the moment. Another user, user #12 also revealed that fact quickly as
possible when dating to avoid any awkwardness later in the relationship. There are more
comments revealing that the revelations about being child free was made clear in the first couple
dates and sometimes even before the relationship even began. The next time this topic was
brought up again was November 10, 2013 when user #13 posted a thread asking when is the
child free issue discussed with potential partners? Most of the users let it be known to their
partners sooner than later. Users like user #14 likes to mention that before having sex with any
man so that way he isn't surprised that she doesn't want to have kids just in case she gets
pregnant on accident. For her current significant other, she let him know right away. 1cuteducky
feels the same way and because she is a lesbian, she doesn't worry about pregnancy but also
doesn't want to lead on other women who might want to have children later on. For others like
user #15, they claim that is never an issue because the child free discussion happens before the
date. An older user, user #16 feels their age makes it easy to be child free and if a potential
partner wants a child, they should date someone younger. Two users make sure this is known to
avoid wasting anyone's time. These observations show there is a general consensus to let their
child free status is known quickly into the relationship to avoid getting in a relationship that is
destined to fail and to avoid wasting anyones time.
Furthermore, another finding that I made in my observations was that the child free
community is labeled as child hating because they have no desire to have their own children.
However, this is not the case and some members of the community even show interest in
working children. When I interviewed Joe* about himself, he told me that he was a school
teacher who often worked around high school students. He said he really enjoy[s] working with
kids. If I wasnt a high school teacher I would be an elementary school teacher, I think its so
important what happens in elementary school where they get a good foundation and love of
learning early on. Being child free and working with children is something that can co-exist, I
just dont want children of my own, its a tremendous responsibility, the same as having a pet or
more than having a pet and I find it difficult to manage a significant other. He considers the fall
his favorite time of year because that is when he get[s] to go to elementary schools and do
juggling acts and doing juggling workshops in the summer. [His] girlfriend is a teacher so [he]
goes to her school and work with the kids there. [He] enjoys doing that part of that is part of
[him] being a human being. Another one of my other informants, Cherilyn, shared a similar
sentiment about children. She says that An outlet I have is I volunteer with kids, I find that
volunteering with them gives me a way to be with kids but not necessary to nurture as it is to get
away from being an adult. In an observation I made on September 22, 2013, user #9 asked the
forum if it was possible for there to be a compromise to be child free and enjoy being around
kids. Many users replied and said that they often volunteer in organizations where they work
with kids and gave some recommendations. In that thread a lot of users like biblio13 and another
user, user #17 agrees with this idea of volunteering with Big Brothers Big Sisters and offers
insight on how the program pairs you up with a child based on personality and a caseworker is
available should any issue with the child arise. Others, user #18 suggest mentoring and how it
works for them because they mentor a friends daughter in art, something he enjoys. Others say
their careers have them work with children so picking a career with children is another option.
Another user, user #19 offers a solution in which their significant other offers to babysit his
friends kids to get his small doses of kids. Some members of the child free community like
Joe have built their careers on working with kids so its not fair to say that just because someone
is child free, they automatically hate kids.
Another interesting finding I made was when I noticed that another stereotype that was
often made about the child free community was that they were also considered selfish because
they didnt want to have children. However, I found some examples that prove this isnt
necessarily true either. One example that stood out the most about a user being selfless was when
I made an observation on November 6, 2013. A user by the name of user #20 posted about how
not only did her mother not agree with her decision to be child free but also about her decision to
donate her eggs. In her thread she discusses how even though she doesnt want to be a mother,
she is willing to donate her eggs so infertile couples have a second chance of conceiving their
own children. This is seen as a selfless act because not a lot of people are willing to go through
the trouble of donating their eggs or sperm even if theyre not going to use it. Other users
demonstrate their selflessness when they discuss their reasons for not wanting to have children.
When I was collecting data in my survey, I left an additional comments section where I allowed
anyone to discuss anything relevant about being child free. One informant let me know that they
were not interested in having kids because they Don't feel a need to contribute to global
overpopulation or have "someone to take care of me" later in life. I do enjoy children for short
periods of time, and would rather be the family friend or "cool uncle" for other people's children
as they age hopefully someone who will have a positive influence on them and their futures.
This person like many others in the forum see the long terms effects that having children can
have on the planet and are concerned with the overpopulation problem and the amount of finite
resources we left available to us. Another informant in the survey expressed her concern with
passing on a hereditary disease to her offspring. She told me that A hereditary disease is in my
family and the later you have a child the more possible it is to get. At 23 I am not ready for a
child and I know that in my thirties it will be too late and selfish to have a child for risk of them
suffering. She refused to have children in order not to make them suffer from a hereditary
disease that would make their quality of life miserable. If anything, that is more selfless than
selfish. Another informant in the survey also discussed that after seeing his younger brothers
suffer with mental illness, he wasnt sure he could raise a child who also had mental illness.
However, he did inform me that he and his fiance were considering adopting an older child
once they reached their 50s if the idea seemed attractive to them. Once again, this is another
example of a member of the child free community forgoing their fertility and choosing not have
any not because they are selfish, but because they dont their future offspring to suffer and if he
decides to adopt, that is also another selfless act, giving a child who was raised in unfortunate
circumstances another chance at life.
Finally, the last and most important part of my research was searching for a double
standard in the child free community when it came to seeing if males that are child free were
treated differently than females that are child free. I found some examples where there is
definitely a double standard. One of the main ones a lot of females tend to complain the most
about is when it comes to birth control. In my survey, some of my female informants let me
know about how they were treated at their doctors office when they inquired a permanent
method of birth control. One of them told me about how she has a Typical mother that wants
grand babies no matter what and gynecologist who was very judgmental and refused Essure ( A
permanent form of birth control for women) for me on her own non-medical basis. Another
female informant in the survey also notified me that her gynecologist was also not very
supportive of her being child free. Some males on the forum, however, had an easier time
obtaining a vasectomy. On a thread posted on November 19, 2013 a user known as user #21
discussed how even though he was twenty-two and never had children before, his doctor was not
hesitant to schedule him for a vasectomy. In that thread, user like user #22 congratulated him
and also talks about how when she was 24, her GP laughed at her when she told him she wanted
to get her tubes tied. Another user, user #23 points out the double standard as well. When she
was in her 20s she had to visit four different doctors that were willing to sterilize her. Yet when
she worked in a urology office, she never once saw a male get turned down for a vasectomy.
Other than discrimination females faced in the doctors office, they also faced similar
treatment around their family. One of my informants, Shaye, told me about how her partners
mother often targeted her only to change their minds about being child free. She opened up about
how she targeted me to get us to change our minds. Because men in general, especially in
traditional households and his parents are traditionally British, they are more, its the womans
role to take care of the kids and the house. She showed me baby clothes of a grandchild of
someone she works with. She would say isnt this cute and cant you wait until you have your
own or my personal favorite where she would tell me stories of her morning sickness when she
was pregnant. So even though her partners mother targeted her instead of her son, it shows the
type of roles women are expected to be to someone who doesnt understand the child free
community. Other male informants I talked to told me the reason why they never faced this time
of treatment was because they kept to themselves and said that their family doesnt know they
are child free because they never talked about it. It could also be a cultural issue as to why the
male informants feel that they arent as discriminated as women are. One male informant from
Europe pointed out to me that I think in Europe being childfree doesn't get the same "Woah,
what?" effect it gets in America. Perhaps it has to do with America being a religious country. In
fact children are so scarce in Germany they the government pays a substantial money for having
a child. It seems that the discrimination some females face seems more concentrated in the
United Stated rather than Europe because religion has a huge emphasis in this country

Conclusion:
After thoroughly studying the child free community through a virtual setting, I have come
to understand that a lot of the discrimination and stereotypes they face is because people who are
not familiar with their lifestyle do not understand what it means to be child free. My
observations, interviews and survey helped support my theories and ideas about them and at the
end of the day, they are normal people just like anyone else and they should not be frowned upon
or treated differently because they choose not procreate. The best way I could assert the validity
of my findings was by making sure that as long as there was a repeated pattern discussed
throughout the forum and the genuine frustration that a lot of members in the forum expressed, I
knew their feelings were true and genuine.
If I had to so this study all over again, I would try to do this study in a long term period,
like a year for example, and get samples from other parts of the world. I feel my research may be
a bit biased because a lot of the members on this forum are from the United States versus another
country that is culturally different like Europe for example. If were to attempt this again, I would
want to gather data from other forums based in other countries so I can get more genuine
responses from more diverse cultures. The most important things I learned about qualitative
research were meticulous note taking. This is an integral part of the research especially if youre
dealing with a somewhat controversial topic like mine, you want as much evidence as possible to
back up your claims and include as many genuine responses as possible like interviews and
surveys. You can never have too much data when you do a research project like this and in the
end it can only make your claims stronger. Also, its important to be as organized as possible
when you have a lot of date. It makes it easier to find and refer back to when you write the final
monograph instead of wasting time going through files and papers trying to prove a theory you
have made.
Important Figures to Help When Reading this Monograph:






Figure 2: This is helpful when reading about the database of child free doctors.














Figure 3: This is an example of the breeder bingo I discuss in the paper

Figure 4: A map of the forum to look at and understand how threads look like and how
comments are organized in the forum