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Vol. XV, No. IV The University Community's Feature Paper October 26, 1993
w e r s h p
By John Schneider someone else's land, you have to tear it down where each spring major credit cards are one to lend you more money than you could
unless you've got away with it for seven years dropped by air to the inhabitants. (The same conceivably pay back in several lifetimes,
Ownership is one of the strangest ideas in or so, then its called adverse possession and island also receives mismatched socks for you can own quite a lot. Some examples of
Westem civiliztion. The idea revolves around then you own the land. Go figure. It's no won- some reason.) Oddly enough, there are no this are third-world countries such as Brazil,
not letting anyone else control a material der the Indians didn't put up with the idea of stores on this island that accept credit cards. and overestimated entrepreneurs such as
object. Unfortunately, the only way of prevent- owning land. They probably couldn't imagine Instead, the local tribes use them as payment Donald Trump. In these cases, debt becomes
ing someone from controlling your stuff is for why anyone would want to be responsible for as a form of hard currency, exchanging them so great that canceling a loan would mean the
you to have a certain amount of force on your something that big, least of all the ground. It's in various religious and political ceremonies. lending institution's losing all hope of ever
side. This done, you can protect your stuff just dirt anyway. You can imagine the legal Interest is paid in the form of sacrifices of seeing its money again. With this in mind,
from other people by killing and or maiming suits from people just falling down or tripping burnt offerings to the gods who deliver them you can easily convince your creditors to
them. But, doesn't this seem like an awful lot on something. each year. What is most bizarre about this lend you even more money to prevent you
of work? In an odd way, we're returning to non-own- economy is that the value of the cards is from defaulting on your loans. In response to
Since for people to keep things they own is a ership. A directly propor- this, lending institutions in the eighties found
time consuming and tiring job, we like to let people tionate to the their own way of passing the buck and mak-
governments deal with it. One of its largest rely on cl current interest ing debt pay off. By lending lots of money to
functions is to provide a structure that ensures cards to rates charged unscrupulous people, they could then go to
that what's yours stays yours. After all, posses- things, thi by these cards the government and receive money to replace
sion is nine tenths of the law. There are lots of owners and therefore investments gone sour that, alone, could be
laws telling people what they can't do with without ac change on a covered by banks, but, compounded, would
things other people own. These assure that the ly sacrifi regular basis. threaten the savings of many individuals who
people get to keep their stuff and other people anythi Despite the fact would normally use their money to own
can't use or abuse it. Good examples are laws immedial that there is no things. So the banks have more money to
pertaining to theft, vandalism, trespassing, etc. This is n form of com- give to wealthy bank executives so they can
Obviously, some folks aren't too clear on this m o0 munication to go to expensive parties with rich people who
ownership thing, but we hope that the goverm- advanced the island defaulted on loans for luxury cars.
ment will incarcerate them soon at a modest the imme which could Many people are worried that the Japanese
fee. payme explain this will end up owning America. This is a minor
Any logical society (i.e. non-western) would\ we're use correlation. misconception. The Japanese really are seek-
probably come to the conclusion that owning Really Some have ing to lease Americaas the terms have
stuff isn't all that great, due to the fact that things even ques- become much more favorable, and still
responsibility keeps rearing its ugly head. almost n tioned whether retain the option to buy. They now have
There are about as many laws about responsi- owned b3 the inhabitants tremendous opportunities to stretch their yen.
biliy as laws that help you keep your stuff. If person who's buying. Houses are mortgaged, in fact decide the interest rates for the free Even if they do buy up all the real estate in
you own something and someone gets injured cars have loans on them or are leased. Slowly, world and that, if this is true, we should try to the country, are they really going to come
by it, that's negligence. You can't leave your our stuff is coming to be owned more and talk to them and get them to change their over here and stop us from using their land?
stuff just anywhere, that's littering. You've got more by banks and companies who keep send- minds about any future increases. This idea Remember that ownership really boils down
to have some place to store it. This is different ing you annoying notes in the mail to remind has been hampered by the fact that no one to physically preventing someone from tak-
from the stuff that's litter because it usually you that you really don't own your stuff. Even can locate the island, and credit card compa- ing or using what is yours, and we didn't
can't be moved like a house or garage. though you think you do. nies deny its existence. blow our country's wad for nothing during
(Remember, you have to pick up your garbage, Credit cards are an interesting phenomenon Constantly linked with ownership is debt. the Cold War. In the world of materialism
but for some reason you can leave your garage in and of themselves. There are interesting In a round-about way, debt becomes a form might doesn't just make right, it'll beat you
where it is.) If your house or garage is built on stories of a small island in the South Pacific, of ownership also. If you can convince some- till you're unconscious.
Self-Importance Theatre
By John Schneider Polity has taken a finn stance against any such actions (by Tricia Stuart according to the minutes), and the issue
to eliminate Campus life time, and plans to send repre- was dropped after he explained this was not possible
The Polity election results are in at last, after a delay sentatives to the next meeting of the Campus life com- under the constitution. Canada mentioned that parts of
due to problems with tabulating the results using the new mittee with petitions and use any other means to quickly the meeting were possibly misconstrued by the senate,
computerized bubble sheets. A total of 719 votes were stop any serious threats. The feelings of most senators and felt uncomfortable with the labling "conspiracy" as
cast, 468 of which were counted. Corey Williams was were summed up by Canada, saying, "It is important to having a "negative connotation." Saying simply,"They
reinstated once again as Treasurer, with 314 votes. just kill this before it can get to the Senate." were against the referendum, I was for it."
Freshman representative was won by Nichole Possner In a coda to the resolution passed by the senate con- To return to Corey's statement at the October 20th
who recieved a total of 66 votes against Tim Truc's 45. demning the four executive members. Corey Williams meeting, he also decried the resolution for being an
In the race for Senior representative, Nancy Belson made a statement which seemed to seek to vindicate example of "political infighting", and raised the con-
received 47 votes, while oppenents Larry Gallo and John himself of the charges despite the fact that his name was cern that the resolution was slanderous in nature.
Christian received 24, and 19 votes respectively. The ref- not formally mentioned in the original resolution. He Similar objections to the resolution were made by
erendums for Coca, the Blood Drive, College leg, mentioned his past record with Polity as evidence that he Crystal Plati who said that the records show that she
Cultural and Advocacy Initiative, the SBVAC, Corey had not been negligent of students needs, and questioned made no motion at the meeting to remove the referen-
Williams proposed amendments regarding the budget whether the resolution was a "hasty" decision due to the dum, saying there was,"no malicious intent" at the
and the 2.. 3 GPA all passed. The controversial, and lack of evidence at the time the resolution was passed. Executive Council meeting.
newsworthy 2.3 GPA referendum 247 votes for the ref- The original resolution, penned by Vincent Bruzzese and With Corey having said his peace, and many senators
erendum, caputring the support of 55.5% of those who Adam Turner accused Crystal Plati, Tricia Stuart, Sandy feeling they have made their point in the relolution that
veted on it. Hui, and Kenneth Daube of trying, the day before the they will not tolerate any efforts to undermine their
In the October 20th Polity meeting, the elimination of elections to veto a mandatory G.P.A. referendum for the efforts in a "shady" or "underhanded" fashion, the issue
campus life time was discussed by Jerry Canada, who executive board which Polity had passed. The resolution seems to have been laid to rest and Polity can return now
had sent Senators Adam Turner, and Vincent Bruzesse stated,"This was a planned attempt by several Council to a more productive role.
to the Campus Life Committee to address the concerns members and several senators to sabotage and 'gang up' In other news, at the Oct 20th meeting, five of the ten
of Polity at a recent meeting. In talking briefly with on the Polity President, Jerry Canada.", labled the actions Judiciary board members were appointed, with the
Larry Witte of the committee, it appears that the sugges- as a "conspiracy" and condemned the four mentioned, remainder to be appointed at the next Polity Senate meet-
tion was brought forth as one in a list of suggestions to labling them "negligent" of duties as student leaders. ing. The board is to meet on Monday the twenty-sixth for
the committee. The suggestion reflects the feelings of Jerry Canada, who called the executive council meet- the first time this year. The Homecoming committee
faculty members who wish to schedule classes during ing to add a referendum for additional funding for the announced final plans for this years homecoming and
this time period. He mentioned that no actions were to Stony Brook Volunteer Ambulance Corps, explained that invited all to attend this years planned activities, and to
be taken immediately regarding this issue. the question of vetoing the GPA referendum was made helj show Stony Brook spirit.
Disposable People
The poor and oppressed in further and further into benefit from higher educa-
this country are a continual ignorance and decay. tion, conditions will become
reminder of the failings of our Maybe they'll revolt for real, progressively worse for the
society. Though the hue and and take a few rich people poor of this country, and it
cry about the undeserving on down with them. will become progressively
welfare is reaching an annoy- Is this what we want for more prohibitively expen-
ing crescendo, government our society, one that only sive to do anything about it.
handouts are not much of a 30 years ago declared a Bill Clinton rides both
consolation to those whom War on Poverty, that once sides of the fence on this
circumstance has forced to held out a vision of prosper- issue. He has proposed,
rely upon them. Their neigh- ity for all of its citizens, that and will probably get, a
borhoods are decaying and holds highest in its constel- National Service Plan, that
dangerous, their living condi- lation of principles the will be run by the Army
tions, squalid, and their equality of all? Should National Guard, giving
prospects for improving their these principles fall victim youth money for their edu-
futures are dismal. Yet we as to current economic stagna- cation in return for mili-
a society do little or nothing tion? Are we to advocate the tary-style service. However,
to help these people lift them- abandonment of our own the money that the program
selves out of their predica- people? pays isn't really enough to
ment. It is still the case in It's the education, stupid. cover the expense of even a
America that schools in poor If we are not willing to public four-year school, nor
districts are funded at about invest in the amount and will it do anything to help
half the amount, per student, kind of education that will the educationally-disadvan-
as their richer counterparts. bring the poor up to speed taged to do well once they
There is a terrible lack of in this complicated world, are in school. So, they will
health services for these peo- and the rich to realize that wind up in low-paying
ple, and crime (about the only the decay of part of their semi-skilled Jobs, without
paying Job available) runs society spells certain doom the resources to make their
rampant through the streets. for themselves as well, this children's education much
How are we responding to problem will continue to better than theirs. Many of
this crisis, now that despa- grow and fester. If there is them will probably fill the
ration and the abandon- one thing worth increasing ever-expanding ranks of
ment of law and morality the national debt and police and prison guards
that it fosters have reached "endangering our children's that are our current
a fever pitch, threatening future," it is investment in response to the problem.
even those who live beyond education. The cycle continues.
the borders of the "bad While most people are
Education is a privilege,
neighborhoods?"
ASESO
Well, familiar to some extent with
not a right. It is a privilege
President Clinton and the current struggle to
that none of our citizens
Attorney General Reno have
announced that they are
maintain or increase finan-
can afford to do without.
cial aid to college students,
R.m. -VE-
Investing in it offers us next
"considering" the deploy- it is unlikely that you have to nothing in the short
ment of National Guard heard of any initiative to term, and with school bud-
units in war-torn truly overhaul and improve gets formed on the local
Washington D.C. to quell primary and secondary level, there is no real incen-
its unruly populace. Pretty education, for the obvious tive for people to do so. The Press welcomes your
soon, we'll be fortifying rich reason that none exist at a Many people worry that, if
areas and requiring border high enough level to matter. the poor become educated, viewpoints and letters.
guards be posted on every College graduates have they will take Jobs away They should be no longer
block to check papers. By already made it in this soci- from the middle-class and
that time, we will have ety. Though jobs are, and rich. That much is true, but than 1000 and 500
abandoned the poor entire- will probably continue to a smarter population is a
ly, and without the struc- be, scarce, it is they who more productive popula- words, respectively.
tures which the rich rely will get them. But if nothing tion, and one that can bet-
upon to protect their place is done for those who can- ter provide for all of its
Handwritten submissions
in society, they will sink not realistically expect to members. will be used for compost.
U
YOU COULD BE A GENIUS,YOU COULD BE A GOD;
IT
YOU COULD BE A BEATNIK-JUST ANSWER THISAD!
FOAM AT THE MOUTH,SCRIBBLE SOME VERSE-
DRAW US A PICTURE; IT COULDN'T BE WORSE (THAN MINE)!
LET-S MAKE THIS THE BEST LIT SUPPLEMENTOF ALL TIME!
THE 1993 PRESS WINTER LITERARY SUPPLEMENT
(it ain't just-snowflakes'n'Santa anymore)
By Manning Marable positions of power, educational access, health care and Transcending the old, restrictive boundaries of
to other opportunities of daily life. "diversity" means going beyond the old language of
For half a century, we have pursued the goal of In the 1970s and 1980s, the ideal of color blindness "minority groups" within our colleges and in society as
"diversity" in higher education, with at best mixed and gave way to what could be termed "symbolic represen- a whole. We must settle for nothing less than the funda-
uneven results. In the 1950s, liberal educators would tation." Liberal educators believed that the recipe for mental redefinition of the "mainstream," to be fully
say with pride that they were committed to the goal of a cultural diversity would be achieved by bringing repre- inclusive of the broadest range of cultural perspectives,
"color blind" environment. I distinctly recall professors sentatives of a new spectrum of interests into the acade- religious and philosophical values, languages and social
saying to me that they "could not remember" whether my - women, racial minorities, physically disabled peo- traditions which reflect all of America.
this or that student was "a Negro." They fully embraced ple, lesbians and gays, as well as others. Programs were Going beyond diversity means fostering a cultural
the liberal perspective of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., established to create new academic courses in women's dialogue between the representatives of various ethnic
that individuals should be judged "not by the color of studies, Black Studies, Chicano Studies, gays and les- groups on campuses which leads to exchange, sharing
their skin, but the content of their character." It speaks bian studies, and Asian-American Studies. Minorities and cultural synthesis. Universities must go out of their
volumes about the problems inherent in such a state- and women were "symbolically represented" with their way to create spaces for people of color and other
ment, when one realizes that black conservatives like appointments as counselors and college recruiters. oppressed groups to express themselves culturally, and
Shelby Steele can simplistically advance the same Multicultural student services centers were established to dialogue with others. As things now stand, too often
words today, but for a reactionary purpose. to address perceived concerns of the students of color. we find students of various ethnic backgrounds relating
We should all agree that "color blindness" is our goal. These reforms should have represented a beginning, to each other at a polite social distance, never really
As the great Reggae artist Bob Marley of Jamaica rather than the end, of a process of education recon- learning about other groups' experiences. We only
observed, "Until the color of a man's skin is of no struction on issues of social and cultural difference begin to appreciate our own culture, when we take the
greater consequence than the color of his eyes, there within the academy. Instead, somehow we have lost our time to learn what is valuable in someone else's culture.
will be war." way. And at many colleges and universities, we are Going beyond diversity in higher education will
But the question should be, how do we get there? actually moving backward. require a change in the power relations between people
How can we "deconstruct" race? We cannot get there One reason is that women and racial minorities were of color, women and the traditional elites which domi-
by pretending that "race" and "color" no longer matter, usually hired and subsequently located in bureaucratic nate our universities. By redefining the mission and
that they have magically declined in significance since margins of academic institutions, rather than within real core content of our education, we can begin to move
the sixties. In a racist society, color symbolizes the centers of power. There were few deliberate programs from the margins to the center.
inequality of power relations, the ownership of property which actually tries to identify scholars of color and/or
and resources, between various groups and classes. To female faculty with administrative abilities, to mentor
end racial prejudice, we must restructure the power and cultivate them, and to advance them forward. At Dr. Manning Marable is Professor of History and
relations between people of color and upper-to-middle some institutions, minority faculty occupied a revolving PoliticalScience, andDirectorof the African-American
income whites. This means that we must pursue a door position, usually at the designated ranks of Studies Institute, Columbia University. "Along the
"color-conscious" strategy to create the conditions instructor or assistant professor, never to be tenured or Color Line" appears in over 250 publications and 75
where color is one day irrelevant to determining the reappointed. radio stations throughout the U.S. ahd internationally.
White Mountain 1. Jl vp
upstage right at this point"
I hate that. I just want to
J
say, "Well, where do the
Mazzola: I try to keep myself out of it, but I can't. This is
definitely what I view of the normalization process of the
AIDS crisis. I'm trying not to do a piece which has con-
words take you?" But the tempt for the audience, like, "Do you realize how stupid
Ski The East Ski: Hunter-Windham actors need that structure you are and how unaware you are?" I just wanted to get
Ski: Gore-Killington Stay: Friar Tuck Inn, Catskill,'aandstructure
it's hard for me to get
in keeping with
people to listen to themselves. I tried to reflect the voices
that I was hearing. To give it back to people, like holding
Stay: Comfort Inn, LakeGeorge, N.Y what I saw and in keeping up a mirror and saying, "Do you see what you look like? Is
N.Y. Ski: Stowe-Sugarbush with what they can and this what you want to look like?" But it's got to have a
Ski: Snow Ridge Stay: Anchorage Inn, want to do. The motion is personal tone. It's a very personal topic for me. I can't
Stay: Radisson Hotel, Utica, very important. I has to deny that.
Burlington, VT help the dialogue, and the Press: You think that the media depersonalizes this issue?
N.Y. dialogue has to help it. Mazzola: Yeah, they take it away from people and make it
Gamble: Turning Stone Casino Tour Rate Includes Two people standing on a into words. The origins of [AIDS] were a perfect foreshad-
Roundtrip Motorcoact I stage, no matter what owing of [the media's coverage]. This was thought of as a
GET THE V.I.P. TREAT- Tansportation - Two NightsS they're saying, would be disease which affects gay men. People think, "It's not
MENT! Lodging - Transfers to Ski AreasS incredibly boring after the important, they're not real people." The country should be
Become a Group Organizer first 15 minutes. Nor many stopping now, and remembering, and fighting and spend-
- Room Tax - Use of Actyve's people are that engrossing ing money. We're not. I think we put it in a box like
*Free Ski Trips Ski Eauipment
- .---- nn qioht Tt'c wo\rk W\rir- Pandora's Box. We'll just leave it over here and nothing
*Free Golf and Ski Equipment that I love doing, and that I will happen to us.
think I'm supposed to be Press: Do you think that what you're doing in a way is
I~·bc~~l~" I
HOMECOMING
I *ICKOF.N
I
WANTED! I
OCTOBER 27, 1993
BLOOD I CAMPUS LIFETIME
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II ,, L_ II I 'I I- I' '-· . ~~,,,
The Stony Brook Press page 8
Dear Azazel, "Hey baby, wat's your sign?" so6uld be
What's up man! Yo, what is with these girls
dressed as an American stereotype and
on campus dude? Everyone told me it would be easy to
get some up here, but the only things easy up here are exiled wit
0t6e rest of ?ike Village People.
the social rejects and girls too fat to fit in my dorm Feminism l6asnft won, but ta'ts
room. What's the deal? Several people besides me have anoVter issue altoge•ter. Have twley become
this problem. What happened to the good old seventies
smarter? Probably not. Zn fact, lwcmas in
when you could just ask a girl her sign, then get her in
the sack. Have they become smarter? Has feminism 9 eneral seem to ihave been cognitively stag-
won? Has alcohol lost it's effects on their sexual drive? nant for tAeC last few eons. On the otier
Tell me man. •
l1and, a womoa's forth lfas istorically been
- No Fat Chicks
cunning manipaaftion ratler it-an cerebroal
Nlo Fat; conquest.
Of women were easy, tlIere woutld you already know tat you ihave no
be one less reason behind t e opposable iope of&understandin women; no one
tlWmb. tWis notion aside,*I would like to does. Z tave been around for millennia and
point out tiatthere are somewl'ere in tle seem to know less ftan ever. Your problem,
neigIqborvIood of seven hoAusand female lAowever, appears to be tihat you Iiave no
undergrads; gyno-grads, if you will, cur- idea of I-e role you are to play in ikeir
rently enrolled 11ere at S.IA4 .y.
Y Stony Pendisl%mockery. Your Iorwmones are te
Brook, and just because you'e not rolling domain of your X clromosome and in tis
in 4iewlay doesn't mean tihey're all writ-ing all males are ltopelessly imprisoned.
in unrequited passion. ZI would like to close by paraplkras-
The average dorm room is approxi- ing Beaumont and Fletcder: There is no
mately ftiirty-two lundred cubic feet in vol- better pur g atory Ian Woman.
like yourself. B3 y way of example, you stat-
ume, whick slou.d be more tian ample
ed ltat you know "several people" wloW
enougI for up to two or itree of tmem and
siare your dilemma. Thlese people wouldnt
any activities in wWlcic you miglt wisl' to PS.
Iappen to be your friends, would tley?
engage. As far as a preponderance of Wlat lappened to tie seventies?
Any and all inqueries as to tle identity of
"social rejects,"UZwould say tiat your data Confused and/or t1e contents of one's own
Well, we burned iem oni a big pile of poly-
sample is probably biased wilH respect to file should be sent to Arcane Answers,
ester leisuAre sutits, bad sitcoms, and Andy
tie social context in whick you fnd people Room 060 Student LAnion.
Gibb albums. Anyone wo uses tie pltrase,
Theoretical Baseball
By Sensate Mass not determinate, span of time. It can be perpetuated
indefinitely (a series of foul balls), or be, gone in an
As I was watching the World Series and reading instant (pop out, double play, etc.).
Stephen J. Hawking's new book Black Holes, Baby If a really large amount of energy is added (either
Universes, and Other Essays, an inspirational thought through a home run, or through a sequence of hits),
struck: Baseball is a perfect analogue of the matter-energy matter is the result. Unlike the energy, matter has a
continuum both in terms of theoretical physics and con- kind of permanence; alterations in the event series do
temporary life. This was a concept that needed to gestate, not remove it in the short term. And, just as in life, the
WE GO WHERE YOU GO: to float serenely in the warm, nutritional amniotic fluid amount of matter that you posess determines your-
of Mind, before seeing the light of the world. The great worth. Also like life, having matter is meaningless if
LONDON $145 American pastime as unwittingly reflective of the Great you don't have more of it than anyone else, or at least
LOS ANGELES $159 Truths of Nature--too much! (Especially considering the the nearest person.
$199 spittle-covered tractor boys and ego-victims who played it Manifesting energy and creating matter is a messy
PARIS
out before my eyes.) business, though; there is always something left over,
ROME $269 First of all, the universe, like the game, is composed of In the universe, this extra stuff is dark matter, random
CAIRO $355 an event-seriesn--ý- the universe, interactions of energies incoherent energy, and pinpoint black holes. In base-
and particles, in baseball, the series of pitches. The event- ball, it is the force that drives people to buy White Sox
TOKYO $405
Fares are from New York, each way, based on a series can either add energy (hits), dissipate energy (outs), paraphenalia, buy baseball cards, subsidize multi-mil-
round trip purchase. Taxes &surcharges not in- or do neither (foul balls). If the smallest requisite quanta lion dollar TV contracts, pay $25 per ticket, and kill
cluded. Restrictionsapply. Some fares mayrequire of energy is added during the event (a base hit), the series themselves trying to catch foul. balls (in which they
anInternational StudentIlDand/orareage resticted.
manifests a certain type of energy (infrared? Physics peo- believe energy is trapped forever.)
ple, help me out) is created. If more energy is added, the Even matter doesn't last forever;, while it does persist
phenomena is kicked up to the next level (second base), for a long time in terms of the event-series, all matter
and, if there is a critical amount of energy left over (the breaks down into energy over the long term. In base-
42nd St
205 East CALLNOW! second runner makes it to first), both types of energy are ball, this phenomenon is known as the off-season, dur-
NewYork manifested simultaneously. The same holds true on a ing which all matter is reduced to a flurry of trades and
212.661.1450 higher level for third base. training, recriminations and congratulations, that spills
148 W.4th St 895 Amsterdam Ave
NewYo1 NewYork Energy is intrinsically unstable-if it is not main- over into the newspapers and public, even though no
21254.2525 2124666-4177 tained, it will dissipate, and within a fairly limited, but games are going on.
By Rachel S. Wexelbaum sioned the ivy crawled back home, whimpering sadly.
He longed for another. He could make a long list
fo Ivan Ivanovich Ivanov and Tanya, who continually of beautiful people to whom he wished to send roses.
fondle each other How he wished he could tell someone, maybe write
an ad in one of those kinky personals columns and try
On the first floor of a student dormitory lived an his luck: young single green ivy wishes to wrap his
ivy. He sat on the windowsill, content to look out- tendrils around you; enjoys music, poetry, sunsets and
side and watch the world turn. Quite often, the ivy fine Knox gelatin...
would compose an ode to celebrate the beauty of the Then, one day, the ivy's tendrils grew long enough
changing seasons. His favorite poetwas Pushkin. to touch-another. He averted his gaze from the
Like his idol, the ivy had a romantic soul longing window and saw a cream-complexioned ROLM
for the ultimate experience. Aside from his owner, phone right next to him, also lo9king outside and
who sung to him, watered him often and kindly tend- sighing at the changing autumn foliage. His heart
ed his leaves, no one paid any attention to him. No beat wildly; he knew that she was the one he had been
other plants lived in the room either, so he had no looking for all this time, and she was only inches
one to talk to. Lonely, he sighed whenever he spotted away.
a couple walking past the window, sharing a laugh "And she has sooo many secrets," he thought as
and a secret glance. He wished he could hold hands his owner's room-mate came in to hear the messages.
with someone and walk outside, although for an ivy "A silent, mysterious woman...voluptuous, and with
the latter is quite difficult. small feet."
BUT-never say never.
After two weeks the ivy had trained himself to
wriggle out of his pot and wander around while his
owner and her roommate were in class. He had grown
quite good at it, and while the weather was still warm
he grew bold and climbed out the window to wander
the campus. Fresh air, music and bright colors over- I I
whelmed his senses as he made his way to the acade- expected. Everyone stared at him as if he were a fun-
mic mall in search of major babes (oops, voluptuous gus, a slime mold-hadn't they seen a houseplant
goddesses with delicate feet). before? Some primate cretins even tried to chase him
Unfortunately, he hadn't the experience that he down and beat him with sticks. Dejected and disillu-
i L I