A Handbook for

SINGLES
Preparing for
Marriage



What Singles Need to Know to
Prepare Them for A Happy,
Lasting and Fulflling arriage
Life


Vol. I





1
Tem Martin






!opyright " #$%& 'y Tem artin
(e)uests for information should 'e addressed to*
World !hangers+ Pu'lishers
P,-, .o/ &0# .uea1 !ameroon
2mail* temmartin%3yahoo,4om or
world4hangers$%3gmail,4om
Phone num'ers*
Tem artin 56#&7870 9: 7; 7;< ;: =% =& &9

2/4ept otherwise stated, all )uotations in this 'oo>
ha?e 'een ta>en from the King @ames Aersion of the
.i'le, .elow, are some .i'le Aersions you may fnd in
this 'oo>, these are the a''re?iations and what they
mean*
K@A stands for odern King @ames Aersion
Amp stands for Amplifed .i'le
TL. stands for The Li?ing .i'le

!o?er design 'y Stephen Nnoge
Layout 'y KBNC !hris BND,
Photos 'y Legend Digital Photos
2
And Wisdom Photos


Forward

When we got married more than twenty1se?en years
ago, we >new nothing a'out pre1marital 4ounseling,
There was e?en no lo4al literature to guide us into this
life1long s4hool of lo?e and responsi'ility, We got into
marriage li>e two 'lind indi?iduals groping into
wonderland, Than> Cod we ha?e learnt through our
sweet and sour e/perien4es,
2?en today in the third millennium, many youths still
dare to ris> getting married in ignoran4e, e?en with
the presen4e of growing literature, in4reasing
premarital seminars and the presen4e of multiple
4ounsellors, Bn today+s world, you do not need to
rein?ent the wheel of learning the hard way E from
your marital wea>nesses and failures,
artin Tem has done youths a great fa?our 'y putting
together this information that will greatly help to
prepare them for a life1long 'liss of marital pleasure,
(ead this 'oo> and 'uild a foundation of preparedness
'efore ?enturing into the Cod1gi?en union of a
su44essful marriage, Fou do no longer need to grope in
dar>ness, 2)uip yourself with the nuggets gi?en 'y a
man who has 'een to where you are planning to go,
3
He has done youths a ser?i4e they 4annot aGord to
reHe4t, Ha?e a wonderful marriage preparation as you
dig through these pages r, Tem has gra4iously
pro?ided you,
r. aniel SH!
arriage Tea4her and !ounsellor



Praise For This .oo>

After going through this 'oo>, B am 4on?in4ed that if a
single reads and applies what heIshe learns from this
'oo>, heIshe will defnitely 4ome out with testimonies,
B en4ourage singles who want sure and lasting results in
the area of their future marriages to read this 'oo>, Bt is
ri4h and timely for the youths of this generation,
"e#. A$%k Aaron &kang
Full Gospel Mission, Buea District Supervisor

This 'oo>, JA Hand'oo> for Singles Preparing for
arriage K 'y Pastor Tem artin is timely, Bt is a 'oo>
ne4essary at this hour when many singles don+t >now the
will of Cod in marriage, arriage is honoura'le in all, the
'ed undefled,
ost of our youths engage in premarital se/ 'e4ause
they thin> 'y this, they 4an for4e their partner to lo?e
them 'ut Tem e/poses this lie of the de?il in
JLnderstanding Bnfatuation and real lo?e,K This 'oo> is a
must1read for singles, marriage 4ounsellors and men and
women of Cod,
There are single ladies of marriagea'le age 'ut
unprepared 'e4ause they 4an+t 4oo> well, Su4h a woman
4
should go and learn how to 4oo> for a her hus'and frst,
Than> Cod Pastor Tem wrote down JWhat to do to
'e4ome a good partner,K
B so mu4h lo?e his 4aution JWhat to guard againstK while
addressing those in 4ourtship , Bt will help our singles to
wat4h out, The 4hapter on JWhat some 4hur4hes hold
a'out approa4hing a sister you want to marryK is also
timely espe4ially as the 4hur4h has seen how youths
argue with the 4hur4h system
Pa'tor (ame' A. I'a$ode
Zonal Pastor S.W. Zone I The Redeemed Christian Church
of God, Buea.
The Western world has for 4enturies pro?ided us with
guideline materials and 'oo>s on marriage and steps
to ta>e 'efore saying JB DoK, Although these resour4es
ha?e 'een ?ery helpful in shaping our marriages,
sometimes they ha?e to 'e interpreted to relate to the
Afri4an 4onte/t, .oo>s on marriage written 'y Afri4ans
putting in 4onte/t their ethni4ity are only now
emerging in the #%st !entury, .rother Tem+s 'oo>, JA
Hand'oo> for Singles Preparing for arriage K is one of
them, a masterpie4e, 4arefully addressing most of the
issues fa4ed 'y singles in the line of marriage, He
starts from the 'eginning of Cod 'eing the author of
marriage, and 'rea>s it down to the pra4ti4al
4hallenges fa4ed 'y singles anti4ipating marriage and
how to handle ea4h aspe4t, Bf you are loo>ing for a
4lear guide into marriage, and how to 'uild solid
foundational 'lo4>s that will stand e?en when the
storms 4ome, this 'oo> is for you, Bf money 4ould 'uy
happiness, B will en4ourage you to own a 4opy, gi?e it
as a gift to others, use it for yourself if you are single,
5
and, if married, identify your mista>es and ma>e
amends, For where there is life there is Hope, This
'oo> is a 'oo> of hope, Co for it,
Mr'. (ane Forlem%
Marriage Counsellor - Redeemed Christian Church of God
RCCG! "ouala
Pro#ect Manager, Schlum$erger

This 'oo> gi?es the single the how 'efore marriage
and the how after marriage, Bt 'rings the single to the
point of maturity 'efore getting into marriage,
any singles thin> that to 'e 'eautiful and attra4ti?e
are the most ne4essary 4riteria for a 4hoi4e in
marriage 'ut this 'oo> gi?es an interesting idea a'out
'eauty and handsomeness whi4h e?ery single should
want to fnd out,
Ngah 2dward Da'oseh
"istrict Pastor, The %&ostolic Church Mol'(o-Buea


This 'oo> on singles preparing for marriage is a must1
read for singles and all 4hur4h tea4hers and parents
wishing to guide their 4hildren into a su44essful
marriage, The author is an e/emplary )uality for this
wor> and is pragmati4 su4h that the lessons sin>
without mu4h eGort,
Samuelson NHum'e 5Apostle8
Christ Bod' )utreach

This 'oo>, JA Hand'oo> for Singles Preparing for
arriage K is indeed a hand'oo> for the singles
wal>ing into marriage, For a'out three years B ha?e
>nown .rother Tem artin as a 4ommitted 4hild of
Cod< say Json of @eho?ahK as he li>es to 'e 4alled, -ne
6
thing B am sure of is that, 'rother Tem is a tea4her of
truth and an e/emplary hus'and, He has this
un)uen4ha'le passion for su44ess in family life,
Though B+?e 'een a guest spea>er in his 4onferen4e
se?erally, reading through this 'oo> still appeared to
me as a fresh re?elation, B assure e?ery single and
marriage 4ounsellor that this 'oo> is a powerful pie4e
you need, When B saw the way his wife lo?es and
su'mits to him, B was wandering what was his se4ret
'ut when B read this 'oo>, B was sure this >nowledge in
him attra4ted the lo?e and su'mission from his wife, B
want to strongly 'elie?e that reading this 'oo> will
e/pose you to the truth that unites hearts and souls, B
sin4erely pray that your e/pe4tations should 'e4ome a
reality in @esus+ nameM

(e?, rs, NL.2 Alida
Reconciliation Ministr', Buea





Testimonies From Singles

(eading this 'oo> JA Hand'oo> for Singles Preparing
for arriage K has helped me to re1e/amine my
moti?es and am'itions in relation to marriage,
Approa4hing and dealing with the wrong partner,
relying on ?isions and dreams for 4onfrmation or
dire4tion and a'o?e all ma>ing myself what B e/pe4t
the other person to 'e, B e?en had to rewrite my
7
wea>nesses and draft a proposal on how to impro?e on
them< then B wrote out my desires for my partner and
also started wor>ing on them, Wouldn+t want to go into
marriage without anything to oGer, (eading this 'oo>
has fuelled me, B pray other singles will do same and
ha?e greater en4ounters with it,
Sen Nadine
RCCG Buea.

This 'oo> is a great 'oo>, When B started reading it, B
4ould not stop reading till midnight when B fnished
reading it,
-ne thing B learnt from it is that B did not gi?e my life to
!hrist to get married 'ut to ser?e Cod, y fo4us is to
ser?e Cod and His >ingdom marriage will 'e an addition,
B should therefore ma/imiNe my singlehood in Cod+s
ser?i4e 'efore B get married, B also learnt the right ways
to respond to a 'rother who proposes to get married to
me,
@udith A>wangue
*GM Mol'(o



A4>nowledgement

B want to sin4erely appre4iate (e?Irs, Num'e Alida
who has shown genuine lo?e for singles during the
Singles 2n4ounters we ha?e 'een organiNing, She
refused honorariums and de4ided to 'e a partner
8
ready to 4ounsel and pray with many female singles
who had pro'lems in their relationships, Than> you for
all the inspiring tea4hings you ha?e gi?en out to the
singles, Than> you for the editing and
re4ommendations that ha?e greatly enri4hed this
'oo>,
B want to than> rs, @ane Forlemu for editing and
ma>ing re4ommendations to this 'oo> that has
widened its s4ope to not only 'e rele?ant in !ameroon
'ut anywhere singles are found, any than>s for all
the en4ouragement and support,
B want to 'e grateful to Creat !ynthia for her 'old
4ontri'utions to some aspe4ts of this 'oo> and her
4ontri'utions during our Singles 2n4ounters,
B want to say a than> you to (e?, Ayu> Aaron ->ang of
the Full Cospel ission, .uea Distri4t for his
4ontinuous 4oa4hing and en4ouragement towards my
writing ministry,
any than>s to Pastor Ngah 2dward of The Apostoli4
!hur4h oly>o, Pastor @ames 2sayode of The
(edeemed !hur4h of Cod .uea, Pastor 2>ema of The
ar4edonia .aptist !hur4h, oly>o for their
4ooperation and the information they furnished me
with that has enri4hed this 'oo>,
B owe gratitude to so many people for the realiNation of
this wor>, Cod is the ultimate rewarder and B pray that
none of you will lose your reward in @esus+ nameM


Why B Wrote This .oo>
9

B made se?eral errors in the pro4ess of getting married,
Some of these errors and outright mista>es led to two
'ro>en relationships whi4h 'rought pain not only to
others 'ut to me as well,
Loo>ing around among the singles around me, B ha?e
seen many situations that 4aused young girls to lose
their suitors 'e4ause of ignoran4e or wrong ad?i4e from
friends, Bn one of these 4ases, a young girl >ept her suitor
for a long while, e?en though she lo?ed the 'oy, she
treated the 'oy 'adly and when the 'oy 4ut oG the
relationship, she started running after the 'oy, The 'oy
refused to go 'a4> to the relationship, This girl lost
someone she treasured 'e4ause of ignoran4e on what to
do,
Se?eral young 'oys ha?e lost their ladies 'e4ause of ill1
ad?ised 'eha?ior,
any young 'oys go to a girl and propose wrongly, some
with pride and arrogan4e, some with e/treme spirituality,
some in un4i?iliNed manners that ma>e the lady thin> the
'oy does not ha?e ?alue for them,
Ha?ing taught in se?eral Singles 2n4ounters organised in
hotels and 4hur4hes, B ha?e 4ome a4ross se?eral 4ases
that 4aused young people to miss or nearly miss the
right partner 'e4ause of ignoran4e or wrong ad?i4e,
We ha?e also had to pray with young girls who 4ould not
fnd a spouse 'e4ause of e?il or demoni4 soul ties that
>ept them away from their real partners, After 4ounseling
and prayer these girls were loosed from these soul ties,
An additional insight Cod ga?e me was the fa4t that
there are many people who 4annot >eep their homes
'e4ause of emotional handi4aps, these handi4aps ma>e
10
them thin> they got married to the wrong spouse,
Howe?er, when they fnd out where they are
handi4apped, they will stop seeing their spouse as the
pro'lem and see themsel?es as the pro'lem and see> for
solutions, Bf it is their spouse, they will >now how to help
them out instead of 4ondemning them,
Bn an attempt to help singles to a?oid some of the
pro'lems many people only fnd out while already in the
marital homes with almost nothing to do to right some of
the wrongs, B had to write this 'oo> in order to sa?e a lot
of singles from mista>es that 4an ruin their marriages in
the future, This will help them to >now what is important
'efore they e?en laun4h into the whole issue of
marriage,
This 'oo> will show you how to prepare to ha?e an
en?ious marriage and >now the purpose of marriage<
!lues to >nowing the will of Cod in marriage, how to
de?elop a relationship with your future spouse, et4, any
young people fall in lo?e for the wrong reasons, Here we
will show you how to >now the diGeren4e 'etween
infatuation and real lo?e, This 'oo> will also show you
how to 'rea> soul ties that hold you down and hinder you
from getting married, any young people ha?e 4riteria
they ha?e set down to ha?e a right partner, Some of the
things they hold are ill1ad?ised, Here you will fnd out
how to Bdentify the Oualities of a Cood Partner, .e4ause
of the importan4e of >nowing how to approa4h, re4ei?e
and >eep your partner, you will learn some general tips
for singles to >now 'efore going to the altar, Fou will also
need to >now what men are loo>ing for in ladies and
what ladies are loo>ing for in men so these 4hapters will
help you to de?elop )ualities to attra4t your ideal
hus'and and de?elop )ualities that women desire in their
hus'ands,
We ha?e also realiNed that many singles >nowingly or
11
un>nowingly 'rea> the rules guiding the marriage
pro4edures in their 4hur4h, so we ha?e de4ided to put
down what some 4hur4hes hold a'out approa4hing a
sister in marriage so that it will ma>e it easy for the
pastor and the singles,
Lately, Cod showed me how the family institution is
hurting 'e4ause many people do not >now what to do,
The rate of di?or4e has more than tripled in the last
twenty years, This is partly 'e4ause ?ery few people
a4)uire any >nowledge on premarital 4ounselling,
The Lord spo>e to me that the so4iety needs to 'e
empowered with the right >nowledge to steer the family
to the waters of Hoy, happiness and e/4itement that Cod
intended instead of the pain and frustration the family
unit is fa4ing today, The se4ret is in preparation,
B remem'er a few years ago when one of my friends
was interested in a parti4ular sister, when he made his
intentions >nown, this lady resisted the idea so ?iolently,
-ne of the pro'lems of this lady was not that she did not
lo?e this 'rother or marriage 'ut she was afraid of
marriage, She had seen the marriage of her mother and
that of many people around, some of whi4h were su4h
'ad e/amples that it would appear it were 'etter for a
man to 'e alone, @ust today, 'y the time of this writing, B
as>ed a sister what she was thin>ing a'out marriage,
She told me she was preparing 'e4ause she is afraid of
marriage, The e/amples she had seen, were marriages
that had suGered a lot, and she did not want a similar
type of suGering,
any young people fear marriage 'e4ause they ha?e a
wrong pi4ture of marriage, Their mind set is oriented
towards the dire4tion of what they ha?e seen in either
their parents or neigh'ours so they de?elop fear,
12
This 'oo> also has the intention to demystify the issue
of marriage 'y showing you what to do to get the 'est
out of it,
This 'oo> is written to gi?e the 'asi4 >nowledge e?ery
single needs 'efore getting into marriage to a?oid
regrets in their marriages,

)edding Ver'%' Marriage
The irony today is that the a?erage young manIwoman in
our so4iety who is engaged in a relationship leading up
to marriage is 4aught up in a serious preparation, .ut
when you ha?e to fnd out what they are preparing for,
you will realiNe that a'out ;$P of their preparation is for
the wedding, They want to ha?e an impressi?e wedding
'ut they don+t gi?e ade)uate attention to preparation for
the marriage, any of them don+t realiNe that wedding is
only a matter of a few hours and marriage is a life time,
Dr, ensa -ta'il says after the three or so hours of
wearing the wedding gown, you will start wearing normal
dresses for the rest of your life,
Don+t fo4us on the wedding and fail to prepare for the
marriage, Learn to prepare for a happy and su44essful
marriage, The wedding is an e?ent meanwhile the
marriage is a life long aGair, The wedding is initiation or
introdu4tion into marriage,
This 'oo> is intended to help singles to >now what to do
to 'e the right partners and how to get their dream
mate,
Bt shows them how to prepare to 'e the right mate for
marriage,
During one 4ounseling session with a 'rother and sister
who 4ame to 'e inter?iewed 'y the leadership of our
13
4hur4h for their wedding intentions, one of the leaders
as>ed a )uestion and this was the )uestion* have you
considered the likely challenges that you will face in
marriage, and how have you prepared yourself to
overcome them? That )uestion was a mind sear4hing
)uestion, This 'oo> thus intends to show you what
marriage is and how to 'e 'etter prepared 'efore you
get into it,
After Cod spo>e to me a'out the family, B realiNed that
many of our young people go into marriage without any
preparation, So B started organiNing Singles+ 2n4ounters
where we gi?e out tea4hings that ha?e opened up the
eyes of many of them, This 'oo> is 4omprised of many of
the diGerent fa4ets of the Singles+ 2n4ounters and mu4h
more that ha?e 'een pa4>aged now in 'oo> form,
This 'oo> will put tools in your hand to ma>e your
marriage a Hoy, not a pain, Bt intends to prepare you so
that you will enHoy, not endure you marriage, Ta>e
ad?antage of this 'oo> and ma>e good use of it,
Cod 'less youM



14
Ta'le of !ontents

!ontents of Aolume B
%, ForwardQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ,,
&
#, Praise For This
.oo>QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ,:
&, Testimonies from
SinglesQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ,7
:, Why B Wrote This
.oo>QQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ,;
0, What is
marriageR,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,%:
9,Why is arriage so
BmportantR,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,%9
7, A Word to Pastors and !hur4h LeadersQQQQQQQQQQQ%;
=, Lnderstanding the Purpose of
arriageQQQQQQQQQQ,,##
;, The importan4e of Preparation to Ha?e a Fulflling arriage
LifeQ,,,,#=
%$, a/imiNing Four
SinglehoodQQQQQQQQQQQQQQ,,&7
%%, Knowing the Three Kinds of Lo?e that Lead to
arriageQQQ,:$
%#, Learning the DiGeren4es .etween (eal Lo?e and
Bnfatuation ,,:9
%&, Areas of Preparation For A Lasting arriage
QQQQQQQ,0%
%:, Dealing With 2motional Handi4aps in (elationships
QQQQ,0:
%0, .rea>ing Soul Ties that .ind Fou to the
PastQQQQQQQ,,,07
%9, !lues to Knowing the Will of Cod in arriage
15
QQQQQQ,,9%
%7, Ceneral Tips For Singles To Know .efore Coing To The
Altar,,99

!ontents of Aolume BB
%=, Bdentifying the Oualities of a Cood Partner
%;, De?eloping Oualities to Attra4t Four Bdeal Hus'and
#$, De?eloping Oualities that Women Admire in en
#%,What Some !hur4hes Hold A'out Approa4hing A
Sister Fou Want To arry
##, Bnitiating and aintaining a Fruitful (elationship
#&, Cuides to a Fruitful and Produ4ti?e !ourtship
#:, Findings that a>e Four Traditional arriage Hit4h1
Free
#0, What to Anti4ipate in the First Few Wee>s of arriage
#9, (esol?ing !onSi4ts in arriage
#7, Tips To A?oid Delayed arriage
#=, Attempted Answers to Some !ommon Ouestions
Singles -ften As>

*+apter ,
)+at i' Marriage-

Sin4e we ha?e to tal> a'out marriage, it is important
to >now 'rieSy what marriage is all a'out,
arriage is a relationship 'etween a man and a
woman intended 'y Cod to 'e a monogamous
relationship and a permanent 'ond in whi4h many
needs are satisfed,
We should ma>e it plain that marriage as Cod intended
it is supposed to 'e 'etween a man and a woman not
the distortion we ha?e today where a man gets
16
married to a man and a woman gets married to a
woman, Bt has 'een worsened 'y the fa4t that it is
e?en 4ondu4ted in 4hur4h 'y ordained priests, This is a
form of distortion that led to the destru4tion of Sodom,
2?ery serious !hristian should distan4e themsel?es
from su4h a'omination,
arriage ought to 'e a 'ond of lo?e reSe4ting the lo?e
of !hrist, A 'ond of sa4rif4ial lo?e where hus'ands
ha?e to lo?e their wi?es and wi?es su'mit willingly to
their hus'ands, Bn marriage people ought to relate 'y
lo?e not 'y Husti4e, A man+s marriage life has to 'e a
reSe4tion of his personal relationship with the Lord
@esus,
arriage is the 4losest relationship that should e/ist
'etween two people, Bn a typi4al marriage, the two
partners are 'onded together so intri4ately that it
'e4omes diT4ult to part the two persons,
Cen #*#:*say .For this reason a man will lea?e his
father and mother and 'e united to his wife, and
they will 'e4ome one +esh,K NBA
As !harlemagne , Ndimeteh puts it, Marriage is
originally a divine design God initiated it! He adds
that JMarriage is sanctioned "y a divine and not a
human conception!, JMarriage!, he 4ontinues is a
divinely conceived social institution involving the
#oining, living and working together of an adult male
and adult female respectively as hus"and and wife for
mutual support, family formation and mutual
ful$llment!
He )uotes the Lnited ethodist !hur4h whi4h
des4ri'es marriage as Jan intimate li?ing relationship
17
in whi4h a man and a woman may help ea4h other to
meet their needs as persons,K
This is tal>ing of an unusual >ind of unity that should
e/ist 'etween the hus'and and his wife,
arriage is Cod+s idea and it is intended to 'e a ha?en
of satisfa4tion and fulfllment, arriage as Cod
intended was not a hiding pla4e from responsi'ility,
arriage is to 'e a relationship 'etween two
independent people loo>ing for interdependen4e, Not
two dependent people loo>ing for someone to 4arry
their 'urdens, Bt is a relationship 'etween two strong
and 4apa'le people who ha?e their own resour4es 'ut
they re4ogniNe that JBf B Hoin my for4es with this
person, we will 'e4ome mu4h stronger,K




*+apter /
)+$ I' Marriage So
Important-

The family unit is the 'asi4 unit of e?ery so4iety, Bt 4an
inSuen4e the so4iety, the 4hur4h, the 4ommunity, the
18
nation and the entire world,
Lately, the Lord 'egan to impress in my heart the
importan4e of the family unit, Bts importan4e 4annot
'e o?eremphasiNed,
@ust li>e .enHamin Disraeli says %o success in pu"lic
life can compensate for failure in the home!
Kenneth !opeland in tal>ing a'out the importan4e of
the family says &he family is the strongest 'nstitution
God created, (e did not give )dam a church, (e gave
him a home!
Stephen !o?ey )uips ' deeply "elieve that if we
attend to all other duties and responsi"ilities in life
and neglect the family, it would "e analogous to
straitening deck chairs on the &itanic )s another put
it, *no institution can take its place+ &he family is the
key institution that shapes the emotional, intellectual,
spiritual, moral, social and economic future of
individuals and our entire society!
Stephen !o?ey+s analogy deser?es more amplif4ation,
He is implying that any'ody who pays attention to all
other areas of hisIher life without ma>ing the family a
priority, that person is li>e some'ody who tries to
repair 4hairs in a sin>ing ship, This highlights the
importan4e of the family in high terms,
When we put Cod+s priorities in order, we will realiNe
that Cod 4omes frst, our spouses 4ome se4ond, our
4hildren 4ome immediately after, then ministry or
'usiness or 4areer, et4, may follow, Bf you put it the
other way round, you ha?e Hust put in pla4e a formula
for frustration, Bt is Hust li>e putting the 4art in front of
the horse,
Something worth noting is that the family is the 'asi4
19
unit of any so4iety, He who runs the family runs the
so4iety, and 'y e/tension the nation, Strong families
ma>e strong 4hur4hes, strong so4ieties and
4onse)uently strong nations,
.efore the (oman 2mpire 4rum'led, it started with
the distortion of the ?alues of the family,
B 4an see that the Ameri4an so4iety now is under
atta4> as the ?alues of the family ha?e not only 'een
distorted 'ut they ha?e 'een re?ersed and e?en
destroyed, ay Cod ha?e mer4y and may other
4ountries of the world not 4opy this 'ad e/ample in
the name of human rights,
Whene?er Cod wants to 'less a people, He starts
with a family, Similarly, whene?er Satan wants to
atta4> a so4iety, he starts with the family,
The family unit is a treasure in Cod+s heart, JIn an
e,ort to get at God and to tr' to hurt -im .God/,
satanic forces are attac(ing the home 0hich is
the closest thing to God1s heart on earth.2 says
Roland Buc( in %ngels on %ssignment.
-ne of the highest sour4es of frustration on earth
today is family desta'iliNation, The eGe4ts are felt at
home, 4hur4h, s4hool and the wor>pla4e,
-ne of the greatest sour4es of Hoy, e/4itement and
rest is when there is lo?e, pea4e and understanding at
home, The positi?e eGe4ts 4an also 'e seen in the
4hur4h, oT4e, et4,
Ha?e you e?er as>ed yourself why people must go to
a dri?ing s4hool and are tested 'efore they are gi?en a
Dri?er+s Li4en4e to use our roadsR B thin> the answer is
simple, They want to redu4e the num'er of a44idents
20
we ha?e on our streets and high ways, These dri?ers
ha?e to 'e trained, empowered and tested 'efore they
are released on our highways, We also need to redu4e
the num'er of marital a44idents in our 4hur4hes and
so4iety through tea4hings and training,
Why must a tea4her, Do4tor, Lawyer go to s4hool
'efore they pra4tise their professionR Bt is simple,
without >nowledge and training, the do4tor will 'e
>illing more people than he is sa?ing,
Bf dri?ers are re)uired to learn dri?ing and pass a test
'efore 'eing gi?en a dri?er+s li4ense< if tea4hers are
re)uired to spend se?eral years preparing to tea4h
students in s4hool, why should we 'elie?e that we 4an
Hust Hump into marriage without any preparationR
To su44eed in any proHe4t, you need some preliminary
preparation, Why should we not ha?e this preparation
when it 4on4erns a 4ru4ial area in life that may
determine whether you su44eed in your life, 4areer,
and ministry and whether you ma>e it to hea?en or
notR That area is marriage, Prayer is not enough,
>nowledge is 4apital,




*+apter 0
21
A )ord to Pa'tor' and
*+%r1+ Leader'

Ha?ing e/posed the importan4e of the marriage
institution, B would li>e to draw pastors and leaders
attention to the fa4t that if there is no 4ons4ious
attention paid to this institution in our 4hur4hes, we
are missing out something that Cod would want the
4hur4h to pay more attention to,
A few years ago, we organised a marriage seminar in
our 4hur4h and sent out in?itations to the pu'li4, The
attendan4e was sho4>ing to many of us who were
mem'ers in the 4hur4h,
We saw people who ha?e ne?er entered our 4hur4h
attend the program faithfully, any of them ga?e
testimonies of the impa4t of that seminar in their li?es,
Bnterestingly enough, B thought it should ha?e 'e4ome
an annual program 'ut that was not the 4ase,
Dear pastorIleader, if we ha?e agreed on the
importan4e of this unit 4alled the family in the 4hur4h
as> yourself*
Do we ha?e a fun4tional marriage 4ounseling 4ommittee
in our 4hur4hR
Do we ha?e a premarital 4ounseling program in our
4hur4hR
Bn some 4hur4hes, they ha?e a premarital 4ounseling unit
where intending 4ouples ha?e to attend tea4hing
sessions for si/ months, During these si/ months, they
tea4h the intending 4ouple what marriage is, what to do
22
during their 4ourtship, how to plan their future as a
4ouple, how to raise their 4hildren in a godly manner,
how to ta>e 4are of in1laws, et4,
B thought to suggest to all pastors and leaders to sit
down and 4onsider this if we want the future of our
4hur4hes to 'e ensured and the lega4y of the gospel to
'e transmitted to other generations,
Cod is 4ounting on us to pay attention to what he pays
attention to,
The rate of forni4ation among intending 4ouples is on the
rise 'e4ause they ha?e no program, -n4e they ha?e no
program, they get distra4ted and end up doing what they
ha?e no right to do, An idle mind, the saying goes is the
de?il+s wor>shop,
The 4hur4h should see that they ta>e this aspe4t
seriously whi4h would help to restore sanity, prepare the
future and enhan4e the marriages of the people under
our 4are,
B will also suggest that a 4hur4h should not go for more
than two years without a marriage seminar, This heals
marriages and in tend heals the 4hur4h,
B on4e told a pastor that if his 4hur4h is ha?ing a lot of
pro'lems, instead of trying to heal them through serious
prea4hing and re'u>e or whate?er, fo4us on healing the
family and the healing will aGe4t the 4hur4h 'e4ause the
4hur4h is made up of families, When the home is fne,
the Hoy that springs from the home will spillo?er into the
4hur4h, oT4e, 'usiness, et4,

Fo1%' on Marriage *an Lead to *+%r1+ Growt+
A pastor 'ased in the LSA shared a testimony in one of his
programs in !ameroon, He said when he started his 4hur4h in
the LSA, after three years, the attendan4e was a'out &$$
23
mem'ers, The Lord led him to fo4us on the family, He started
resear4hing and tea4hing on issues that 'uild the family and
enhan4e unity and lo?e in the family unit, He said many
people with si4> homes 'egan to So4> into his 4hur4h and in
one year, the 4hur4h more than dou'led as he had o?er 7$$
mem'ers 'y the end of the fourth year,
B 'elie?e that those who wor> for the unity of the family
re4ei?e un4ommon fa?our and prote4tion from Cod 'e4ause
they are tou4hing the ?ery heart of Cod, @ust li>e
e?angelists who win souls ha?e Cod+s attention, B also
'elie?e that those who fo4us on the growth and prosperity
of the family enHoy Cod+s un4ommon fa?our and prote4tion,

Spirit%al .Ad%lter$2 In T+e *+%r1+ Toda$
-ne Ameri4an prea4her noted that without realiNing it,
some prea4hers are into spiritual adultery, He said these
people pay so mu4h attention to their 4hur4hes and
ministries while they pay ?ery little attention to their wi?es,
He 4onsidered this Jspiritual adultery,K He said the wi?es of
many men of Cod in the LSA are 'eing depri?ed of the lo?e
and attention of their hus'ands meanwhile their hus'ands
pay all their attention to the 4hur4hUthe wife of !hrist, The
4hur4h 'lossoms while their wi?es are groaning and dying,
.enny Hinn after his remarriage to his wife 4onfessed that
he was married to the ministry instead of to his wife, He
had to re4ommit himself to his marriage, During this period
of negle4t, his wife had to resort to pills to >eep her from
depression 'e4ause her hus'and was hardly there, The
di?or4e was a wa>eEup 4all to this man of Cod, Than> Cod
for their remarriage, Don+t let yours go to that le?el frst
'efore you pay attention to your home,
ay Cod help us to see the importan4e of this institution
and pay the attention to it the way it deser?es,
ay Cod help us in @esus+ nameM
24

*+apter 3
!nder'tanding t+e P%rpo'e
of Marriage

To many youths, when they thin> a'out marriage, they
thin> a'out se/, Se/ is an a4ti?ity in marriage 'ut is
not marriage, Cod had a purpose why He instituted
marriage,
Cen #*%= )nd the ,-.D God said, 't is not good that
the man should "e alone ' will make a helper suita"le
for him! K@A
%, *ompanion'+ip4
Bf we e/amine that ?erse, we will realiNe that the frst
purpose why Cod made the woman for the man was
for 4ompanionship, -ne of the greatest needs for
human 'eings is to ha?e someone to tal> with, Cod
ga?e Adam a wife for the sa>e of 4ompanionship, So if
you are a'out to get married, one of the )uestions you
should as> is, is this person a good 4ompanion for meR
!an B spend un'ro>en 4hun>s of time with this person
and still feel e/4itedR (emem'er the person you are
getting married to will 'e with you most of the portion
25
of the day, Bf you get married to someone you are not
proud of and ready to spend time with them, you are
setting yourself up for 'oredom and frustration,
/. S%pport4
The Lord Cod said JB will ma>e him a helper suita'le
for himK, As> yourself< is this the right person to help
me in my assignmentR arriage is to ha?e someone to
support you, not someone to wor> for you, arriage is
a two1way game, Bt is a gi?e1and1ta>e situation, When
some ladies thin> of marriage they thin> of someone
who will ta>e 4are of them, That is the wrong
orientation, Bn marriage the man is 'ringing in
something to share while the woman, too, is 'ringing
in something to share, No'ody is supposed to 4ome
e/pe4ting the other to do it all, When you 4ome into
the marriage ready to depend on your spouse, you
may end up with frustration, Bt is a wrong mindset,
4hange it, arriage is supposed to 'e a relationship
'etween two independent people loo>ing for
interdependen4e, Bt is not a relationship 'etween two
dependent persons loo>ing for a 'urden 4arrier 'ut a
relationship 'etween two strong people needing
reinfor4ement,
0. Spirit%al "einfor1ement4
The .i'le says 3&wo are "etter than one/ "ecause they
have a good reward for their la"our For if they fall, the
one will lift up his fellow0 "ut woe to him that is alone
when he falleth/ for he hath not another to help him
up! 5244l :*;1%$ 8,
So loo>ing at this ?erse, it is one of the reasons why
you should want to get married,
26
Deut &#*&$ goes on to as> .(ow could one man chase a
thousand, or two put ten thousand to 1ight, R J
@esus also steps in here to say in att %=*%;1#$ 3)gain '
say unto you, &hat if two of you shall agree on earth as
touching any thing that they shall ask, it shall "e done
for them of my Father which is in heaven For where two
or three are gathered together in my name, there am ' in
the midst of them!
We see here that the power of agreement is unleashed
when two people 4an agree on something, The 4ouple
has the highest 4han4e here,
3. *are4
arriage is for 'oth partners to 4are for ea4h other, Bt is
not a pla4e where someone 4omes in with a mentality of
someone to 4are for them, As> yourself, what am B
'ringing into the relationshipR
Am B e)uipped enough to 'e a'le to 4are for some'odyR
How responsi'le am B for some other person to lean on
meR Am B 4aring enoughR 2t4,
5. Pro1reation4
arriage is also for pro4reation, This e/plains why two
years after marriage, if the 4ouple is still a 4ouple and
there is no new mem'er in the family, people 'egin to
as> )uestions, This is so 'e4ause they are e/pe4ting
multipli4ation from this 4ouple, Bt is Cod+s design to
4ontinue His wor> of 4reation through the 4ouple, From
man+s 4reation, during the defnition of his mission
statement, he told them J.e fruitful and multiply,,,K No
matter your situation, B want you to >now that you ha?e
all it ta>es to fulfll your di?ine mandate, That is why if
you understand your position of authority and your
mandate of dominion, you will tell e?ery tra4e of
'areness to disappear in your life,
27
6. To A#oid Forni1ation
Bt is also ?ery important to note that a44ording to Paul,
marriage is also to a?oid forni4ation, Bn % !or, 7*# he says
%evertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have
his own wife, and let every woman have her own
hus"and!
This means that when someone is married, there is a
pro?ision to o?er4ome the temptation of forni4ation, No
dou't Paul says it is 'etter to marry than to 'urn, When
you are married, there is a pro?ision for a J4oolingK, This
helps to a?oid forni4ation in the 4hur4h,

)+en and )+$ S+o%ld a 7rot+er Marr$-
Fou must ha?e found a 4ompanion, Fou must ha?e found
someone you truly lo?e and 4are for, Some'ody you 4an
spend time with, play with tal> and plan with, Fou must
ha?e found someone you 4an li?e together with, grow
with and 'ring forth 4hildren with,
Don+t get married out of parental or so4ietal pressure,
Cet married 'e4ause you ha?e found the right partner
who 4an help you in your ?ision or purpose in life,
Fou must ha?e found something you are doing that
needs a helper, Fou must ha?e dis4o?ered your purpose
and you are fulflling it and you need someone to help
you,
Fou ha?e found some'ody you lo?e, nourish and 4herish,
A young man should >now they are ready for marriage
when they ha?e found someone they 4an 4are for,
nourish and 4ause to Sourish 52ph 0*#=1#;8,
2?ery lady, no matter their lo?e languages has a desire
for words of aTrmation, When you ha?e found someone
on whom you 4an la?ish praise, someone you 4an say
28
words of aTrmations e?eryday, someone you want to
en4ourage to high le?els of su44ess, Then you 4an say
you are ready to marry 5Pro?, &$< 0*%=8,

)+en and )+$ S+o%ld )omen Marr$-
Fou should >now that you are ready to marry when you
ha?e found a man you want to help, (emem'er the Lord
said, B will ma>e him a helper suita'le for him, As>
yourself* is this the right person for me to help? 2ill ' "e
happy helping this man for the rest of my life? The
primary role of a woman is that of a helper, So if the man
is not doing something, he is not ready for help yet,
Fou must ha?e found a man you 4an su'mit to, Bf you are
not ready to su'mit to that man, don+t a44ept his
proposal 'e4ause you will frustrate him and frustrate
your own self in the pro4ess,
Bf you are a44epting to get married to that man, you
must 'e ready to honour and promote him,

Going 7e$ond ependen1e
to Interdependen1e
any partners get into marriage with a dependen4y
syndrome, They go into marriage loo>ing for a
shoulder to lean on, They ha?e ne?er prepared their
own shoulder for some'ody to lean on 'ut they want
some else+s for them to lean on,
any of su4h people get frustrated in their marriages
'e4ause they may also meet a Jhandi4appedK partner
who was loo>ing for some'ody to 4arry their 'urdens,
Now two people loo>ing for some'ody to 4are for them
ha?e met and none was prepared to 4are for the other,
They end up disappointed, Fou hear the man may say
29
JB lost my mom when B was young, B was loo>ing for a
mother in you,K eanwhile the lady says JB was
loo>ing for a father in you,,,K
Bt is important to note here that marriage is not for
two dependent people loo>ing for some'ody to lean on,
arriage is a relationship 'etween two independent people
loo>ing for interdependen4e, Bt is a relationship 'etween
two strong and 4apa'le people who ha?e their own
resour4es 'ut they re4ogniNe that 'f ' #oin my forces with
this person, we will "ecome much stronger!
Fou 4an li?e alone, 'ut all alone, you 4annot a44omplish
mu4h, So you loo> for some'ody with whom you 4an Hoin
for4es, (emem'er two are 'etter than one,
.efore you get married, you should already 'e a happy
person, Don+t get married e/pe4ting your partner to ma>e
you happy, Four happiness should 4ome from Cod, not from
your spouse,
When you get married as a happy person, if your marriage
is a plus to your life, it should ma>e you happier, DonVt get
married to 'e happy,

)+at are 8o% 7ringing into t+e
"elation'+ip-
.e4ause of su4h pro'lems of emptiness and
disappointment that some 4ouples fa4e in their homes, it is
important to >now that when you are 4oming into the
relationship, as> yourself* JWhat am B 4oming to gi?eR What
4ontri'ution am B 'ringing into the relationshipR How will B
ma>e my spouse happyRK Not Jhow will my spouse ma>e
me happyRK Bn this 4ase, you are as>ing yourself what you
ha?e to oGer, not what you deser?e to re4ei?e,
Li>e @ohn F, Kennedy, you apply his saying marriage style
JDon+t as> what your spouse 4an do for you, as> what you
30
4an do for your spouse,K
Fou should as> yourself* JHow 4an B lo?e my spouse and
ma>e himIher feel proud heIshe got married to the right
personRK
.efore you get married, ta>e an in?entory of your own
emotional, psy4hologi4al, why not fnan4ial and material
assets, Are you a lia'ility in that marriage or are you an
assetR
a>e up your mind that you will enter your marriage
home as an asset, not a lia'ility,



*+apter 5
T+e Importan1e of Preparation in Ha#ing
a F%l9lling
Marriage Life

.efore the Ameri4an go?ernment sent the frst
human 'eing to the moon, they spent se?eral years
preparing for the ?oyage, .efore any seasoned 4hoir
goes to the platform, they may spend a'out ten hours
in their pra4ti4e sessions to sing a song of a'out f?e
minutes,
Bt is said that a 4hampion 'o/er is identifed in the
ring 'ut he was made out of the ring through se?eral
hours of pra4ti4e sessions in the gym, 'o/ing 'ags and
se?eral other aero'i4 e/er4ises, Similarly, a su44essful
31
marriage is Hust a demonstration of se?eral hours of
training through reading, personal de?elopments, self
impro?ement, learning to 'e responsi'le, et4,
Preparation is what you do 'efore the a4tual e?ent
not what you do during the e?ent,
any people want to get married 'ut Cod will not
permit them 'e4ause they are not prepared, Cod will
not li>e to ta>e his sonIdaughter He has trained,
pruned and prepared and gi?e it to someone who is
4rude and unprepared, -ne of the reasons some
'rothersIsisters are growing old without a life partner
is partly 'e4ause Cod has weighed them in a 'alan4e
and they are found wanting, So He gi?es them time to
prepare, Broni4ally, instead of preparing, they are
4rying for a life partner, Napoleon Hill says when the
pupil is ready, the teacher appears,

T+e$ i' no a11idental '%11e'' in
marriage: e#er$ '%11e''f%l marriage wa'
prepared for.
Bnterestingly enough, you don+t prepare for marriage
in marriage, you prepare for marriage 'efore you get
married, Bt is said in our 4ommon parlan4e, you don+t
feed your fowl in the mar>et, the mar>et is a pla4e for
display of what you ha?e 'een doing 'a4> at home,
Bf a 'o/er does not train at home, if a foot'all team
does not spend time to train only waiting for the day of
the mat4h, they are setting themsel?es up for
frustration, Similarly, without preparation towards your
marriage, you are setting yourself up for frustration
and regrets,
32
As we pointed out 'efore, many young people
prepare for the wedding while negle4ting the
marriage, The wedding is only an initiation into
marriage, the day after wedding is when the marriage
a4tually 'egins, So it ma>es all the sense to gi?e more
attention where it is neededUthe marriage, not the
wedding,

A. How o 8o% Prepare 7efore Marriage-
The frst area of preparation is to go for
knowledge.
(ead as many 'oo>s a'out marriage as possi'le,
Attend singles+ seminars, learn from married people,
As> )uestions and listen with an intention to learn,
-'ser?e su44essful married 4ouples how they li?e and
as> them the se4rets of their su44ess,
Bn Winner+s !hapel, 'efore a young man goes to the
altar for marriage, it is re)uired that you must ha?e
read at least %0 'oo>s on marriage, Bf you read %0
'oo>s on marriage 'efore you get married, your
>nowledge 'an> will 'e ready to ta>e oG the marriage
on a good footing,
Lately while tal>ing to an intending 4ouple, we as>ed
them how many 'oo>s they ha?e read on marriage,
None of them had read up to two 'oo>s on marriage, B
thought a'out what people do to get a 'a4helors
degree in any dis4ipline, you will read 'oo>s, ma>e
resear4h, 'urn the mid night 4andle, go to the li'rary,
et4, Hust to prepare you for a 4areer that may not e?en
last for ten years, B started wondering, how 4ome when
it 4omes to marriage, something that 4an determine
33
whether you end up a happy person or an unhappy
person in life< a relationship that 4an determine
whether you go to hell or hea?en, how 4ome when
people are going into this relationship, they gi?e no
time to prepare and read materials that will help them
su44eed in the relationshipR
Without >nowledge, your marriage may 4rum'le,
(emem'er the Word says y people are destroyed for
la4> of >nowledge, any marriages are 'eing
destroyed for la4> of >nowledge, Dear single, go for
>nowledge and sa?e your future marriage,

a; Learn t+e Fi#e Lo#e Lang%age'
B will suggest to e?ery single to read the 'oo> &he
Five ,ove ,anguages 'y Carry !hapman, This 'oo>
shows you the diGerent ways people e/press lo?e and
how to understand your spouse+s lo?e language and
how to e/press lo?e to them in the way that they
understand and feel your lo?e, There are many
frustrated lo?ers in our so4iety today 'e4ause they
spea> a language their spouse 4annot understand,
When you learn your spouse+s lo?e language, lo?e now
'e4omes a de4ision 'e4ause you >now what to do to
4ommuni4ate lo?e to your spouse,
b; Learn to be *ompetent in "ole' t+at 8o% )ill
Ha#e to Pla$ in Marriage
For the ladies, learn to 4oo>, Bf you don+t >now some
4ommon dishes, draw 4loser to the ummies in the
4hur4h or around you who >now them and as> them to
tea4h you, 2?ery s>ill 4an 'e a4)uired through 4areful
learning and instru4tions, -ne of the most disgra4eful
34
things in the life of a woman is to go into her
hus'and+s home without >nowing how to 4oo>,
For the men, it is important that you learn how to
ta>e responsi'ilities, As a man, the home will 'e
leaning on your shoulders so there is no way you will
a?oid ta>ing responsi'ilities, That is why it is important
for a man to ha?e li?ed alone away from his parents+
shelter 'efore he gets married, This is to test his
responsi'ility mus4les,
1; )ork on 8o%r *+ara1ter
Another 4riti4al area of preparation is to wor> on your
4hara4ter, Loo> at your life ?ery 4riti4ally, The .i'le
says Jdo unto others what you will want others to do
unto you! As> yourself, JBf my spouse has the same
4hara4ter li>e mine, will B 'e a'le to li?e with themRK
When you as> most men and women to gi?e the
)ualities of their dream partner, they will gi?e you
)ualities of an angel 'ut when you loo> at their own
li?es, they ha?e the )ualities of a de?il, Bt appears now
as a de?il wanting to get married to an angel,
This is the tri4>, ta>e a sheet of paper or a marriage
e/er4ise 'oo>, write down all the )ualities you will li>e
to see in your dream spouse, After you ha?e written
them down, loo> through the list and 'egin to de?elop
those same )ualities, The law of attra4tion will 'e put
to wor> 'e4ause li>e attra4ts li>e,
Always start with yourself, don+t go in sear4h of the
perfe4t mate, .e4ome a Wperfe4t+ mate frst then Cod will
'ring another prepared mate,
d; )ork on 8o%r Emotion'
There are two things B always ad?ise 4ouples and to1
'e partners to wor> on in their li?es,
35
i; Learn to Forgi#e
Forgi?eness is a ?ery 4ru4ial ?irtue in marriage,
Without the a'ility to forgi?e, you marriage will 'e
short li?ed or will 'e full of tension and 'itterness,
arriage has 'een des4ri'ed as a relationship
'etween two forgi?ers, Bf you ha?e a 'la4> 'oo> where
you write down the faults of your partner, that
marriage will soon suGo4ate and 4ho>e to death, B will
suggest you get a 4opy of my 'oo> 3n#oying the
Bene$ts of Forgiveness Bnterestingly, many people are
hindered from getting married 'e4ause they ha?e
refused to forgi?e some people who disappointed
them, We are going to deal with this when we will 'e
tal>ing a'out 'rea>ing soul ties,
How do you learn forgi?enessR Start 'y 'eing
tolerant and forgi?ing to your friends, 'rothers, sisters,
s4hool mates, neigh'ours, et4, 'efore you e?en get
married,


ii; eal )it+ 8o%r Anger
Anger is one of the most destru4ti?e emotions that
e/ist, Bt is one of the emotions that is at the root of
almost e?ery single di?or4e in the law 4ourts today, Bf
you learn to deal with your anger, you ha?e redu4ed
the fri4tion in your marriage and your relationships to
a tiny fra4tion, B will also suggest that you read my
'oo> on this su'He4t 2inning the Battle -ver )nger
Cod has led me to deal a lot with emotional topi4s
'e4ause He taught me that a person who 4an 4ontrol
his emotions, 4an 'ring many areas of his life under
36
4ontrol with ease,
How do you learn anger 4ontrolR Start in your home,
with your parents, 'rothers and sisters, mates and
friends, De4ide not to a4t out of anger, De4ide not to gi?e
people a pie4e of your mind, rather gi?e them a pie4e of
your lo?e 'e4ause lo?e dwells in you sin4e the day you
ga?e you life to the Lord @esus !hrist, Permit people to
trample on your rights without fghting 'a4> in the way
you always did, De4ide to hold your tongue under
4ontrol, (efuse to spea> words that hurt, (efuse to allow
a'usi?e language to 4ome out of your mouth,
2ndea?our to 'e hyper tolerant and patient with
people, All these re)uire eGort and determination,
e.; eal )it+ 7ad Habit'
There are se?eral 'ad ha'its that 4an ruin a home,
The ha'it of dirtiness, selfshness, tal>ing when you
should 'e listening, et4, must 'e dealt with,
2/amine your life and deal with ha'its that 4an 'ring
fri4tion to a marriage, Wor> on them now 'efore you
go into the ring of marriage where you will either 'e
de4lared a 4hampion or loser, Bf you wor> on them
now, you will surely 'e de4lared a 4hampion,
Learn to 'e neat and dress well, Learn ta'le
manners, Learn 4olour 4om'ination in your dressing,
Some 'rothers fnd it diT4ult to get a sister for
marriage 'e4ause they don+t pay any attention to their
dressing, There are some small things that do not
seem to matter 'ut in a4tual sense they play a 'ig
role,
7. Fail%re "ate in 7%'ine'' and Fail%re
"ate in Marriage
37
Statisti4s a'out 'usiness in Ameri4a show that one
out of e?ery ten newly 4reated 'usinesses sur?i?e, Put
it diGerently, nine out of e?ery ten newly 4reated
'usinesses fail, (o'ert Kiyosa>i pointed out that nine
out of e?ery ten 'usinesses fail 'e4ause people don+t
a4)uire the ne4essary >nowledge and preparation in
starting a new 'usiness, Bn his opinion, if people
a4)uired the >nowledge a'out how the 'usiness world
operates, understand the sta>es and what to do, the
failure rate in 'usiness will drop signif4antly, Similarly,
the statisti4s a'out marriage in the LS ha?e shown
that f?e out of e?ery ten marriages fail, B also want to
suggest here that many of these marriages fail
'e4ause of la4> of >nowledge due to poor preparation,
Bf the singles will prepare ade)uately for marriage,
they will redu4e the pro'a'ility of di?or4e to a ?ery
tiny per4entage, Now you see how 4ru4ial preparation
is to a su44essful marriage, So, go to wor> nowM
*. !nder'tanding Men and )omen4
Gender i<eren1e' in Marriage
Knowing the gender diGeren4es is 4ru4ial to
understanding whi4h is 4ru4ial in e?ery marriage, Bf a
man will >now the dominant 4hara4ter traits a woman
manifests and a woman will >now the dominant
4hara4ter traits a man e/hi'its, it will redu4e the sho4>
fa4tor and enhan4e understanding in marriage,
-ne of the 4hara4teristi4s of the typi4al woman is that
she is naturally tal>ati?e, A woman li>es to dis4uss,
She is always loo>ing for some'ody to spend time with
to tal>, That e/plains why it is 4ommon for women to
gossip 'e4ause they are loo>ing for some'ody to
38
share with, When there is no meaningful thing to
dis4uss, they tend to gossip to fll the gap,
-n the other hand, men li>e to spend time reSe4ting,
They spend time thin>ing and trying to get solutions to
some plaguing pro'lems in the home, at the Ho' pla4e,
4hur4h, et4,
A woman li>es to spend time tal>ing with her hus'and
how the day was and she also wants the man to tell
her how his day was meanwhile after a tiring day, the
man wants to rest, Now if the man will not re4ogniNe
the need to gi?e his wife some hearing time and the
woman too re4ogniNe that she must also gi?e the man
some time to rest, there will 'e a 4lash of interest
'e4ause the two partners do not understand the 'asi4
diGeren4es,
en are logi4al 'eings while women are emotional
'eings, When a man has a pro'lem, he will li>e to sit
)uietly all 'y himself and try to sort out the issues
trou'ling him, He 4an e?en stay silent in front of
some'ody who 4an gi?e him a solution to his pro'lem,
This e/plains why many men ne?er go for 4ounseling
from their pastors, -n the other hand, when the
woman has a pro'lem, she is loo>ing for some'ody to
share her pro'lem with, At times she may e?en share
her pro'lem with some'ody who has nothing to do
with the solution, She does this Hust to relie?e herself,
When she spea>s out, she feels relie?ed as if the
pro'lem has 'een sol?ed, This e/plains why women
often go for 4ounseling from their pastor than men,
They e?en do more medi4al ?isits than men,
A woman is gi?en to details meanwhile a man Hust
39
wants the general fa4ts, A woman often noti4es small
and almost negligi'le aspe4ts meanwhile the man only
wants the 'ig and signif4ant things,
B was tal>ing with a woman lately and she said her
hus'and 4alled for her and as>ed her how she will li>e
their new house they were 'uilding to loo> li>e, The
man had a general ?iew 'ut when the woman 4ame in,
she flled in all the gaps that the man had not thought
of, en and women were made to 4ompliment one
another not to 4ompete with ea4h other,
A man generally wor>s on one thing at a time 'ut a
woman 4an wor> on many things at the same time, Bf a
man tries to wor> on the same num'er of things a
woman wor>s on at the same time, he will fail woefully,
The num'er one need of men is to 'e respe4ted while
the num'er one need for a woman is to 'e
understood, en lo?e respe4t, that is why e?en a little
'oy somehow will not li>e when his mother or elder
sister tal>s to him anyhow, Bt is inside of them, A
woman on the other hand is deli4ate and she will want
you to understand this and to 'e tender with her,
Women lo?e men who are tender and 4aring 'e4ause
it fts in with their deli4ate nature, Put diGerently, they
lo?e to 'e petted,






40




*+apter 6
Ma=imi>ing 8o%r Single+ood

any young people are 4aught up in the we' and 4raNe
of marriage that they don+t ma/imiNe and enHoy their
singlehood, There is a purpose why e?ery'ody is frst
single 'efore they get married, Fou must understand the
purpose of this period and >now what to do with it,
There are some things you 4annot eGe4ti?ely do in
marriage at least not to the same degree you used to do
it while single, During this period, you ma>e sure that
you ma/imiNe all those areas 'efore the real marriage
where other responsi'ilities may not permit you to do
those things to the same degree,
To ma/imiNe your singlehood, these are some things you
must do 4onstantly,
,. Pra$4
Spend ample time in prayer, praying for yourself, your
4areer, your future partner, your 4hildren, et4, ha?e all
night prayers as you wish 'e4ause a time will 4ome when
you must ta>e permission to ha?e an all night prayer,
/. Fa't and Pra$4
Fou need to spend time fasting and praying, What B want
you to get here is that you e/er4ise yourself spiritually,
@oin other singles to fast and pray, Ta>e all the fasting
retreats you 4an now, B remem'er when B was single, all B
needed to do was de4ide to go for a retreat and oG B go,
41
.ut this time, 'efore B go for a retreat, B ha?e to plan
se?eral wee>s ahead, tal> it o?er with my wife, loo> at
the state of the house and the 4hur4h and ma>e
preparations up front 'efore B go, And e?en after that, to
fully 4on4entrate in the retreat is not ?ery easy 'e4ause
you want to >now the state of your family and other
issues that hang on your shoulders, So right now,
ma/imiNe your time the 'est you 4an, When there is
nothing to 'e 4on4erned a'out,
.e a4ti?e in your youth group in 4hur4h or where?er you
are, .e in?ol?ed in any wor> in the 4hur4h, Ci?e yourself
to the ser?i4e of Cod in the deepest way possi'le,
0. St%d$4
Spend time to study, (ead through the .i'le se?eral
times, read !hristian literature, (ead 'oo>s on marriage,
on your emotional life, on 4hara4ter 'uilding, .roaden
your mind on as many 'oo>s as you 4an,
This should 'e the time to feed your mind until your
mind 'e4omes ?ery produ4ti?e,
3. E#angeli'e4
This should 'e a good time you transfer as many sinners
into the >ingdom of Cod as you 4an, Co on mission trips<
learn to go an e/tra mile with Cod,
Do e/ploits for Cod all you 4an now, When you get
married, you will ha?e other responsi'ilities that you
4annot ignore, so put in your 'est now while you ha?e all
the time,
There are many 'rothers and sisters who are only 4rying
for a life partner and Cod is not seeing anything they are
doing for His >ingdom, He 'egins to wonder JBf you
4annot do anything for my >ingdom now that you ha?e
all the time, is it when B gi?e you a hus'andIwife that you
will do itRK Don+t 4ause Cod to thin> twi4e 'efore gi?ing
you your partner,
5. Grow Spirit%all$4
42
De?elop your spiritual mus4les, a>e sure you grow
spiritually this time 'y studying and meditating in the
Word of Cod for se?eral hours a day, arriage re)uires
spiritual maturity for its sustenan4e,
6. F%rt+er 8o%r Ed%1ation4
Bnstead of waiting for marriage, enhan4e your worth in
the so4iety, Cet all the edu4ation you 4an now that you
don+t ha?e weights you 4arry, To single ladies and men
who did not ha?e an opportunity to ha?e a good
edu4ation, 4at4h up now, B ha?e 4ounseled with some
ladies who spo>e to me with tears in their hearts,
some in their eyes how they ha?e lost a 4ouple of
wonderful suitors who found out that all they had is
FSL!Uthe 'asi4 elementary 4ertif4ate in !ameroon,
Please, we are li?ing in a world of >nowledge, Don+t
spiritualise, please upgrade,
?. i'1o#er God@' P%rpo'e for 8o%r Life4
Cetting married without >nowing your uni)ue 4alling,
your gifts and talents is a formula for 4onfusion
espe4ially for the man, While still a single, pray, study
and wor> to dis4o?er your purpose in life, B will suggest
you read my 'oo>* Discovering and Ma4imi5ing 6our
Gifts, &alents and 7alling,
There are so many things you 4an do to ma/imiNe and
enHoy your singlehood in a godly way, fnd them out,
go ahead and do them while preparing for your dream
spouse,




43



*+apter ?
Anowing T+e T+ree Aind' of Lo#e T+at
Lead to Marriage

any people hurry into marriage in the name of lo?e,
They don+t realise that there are so many things that
are 4onsidered lo?e in our so4iety today, Some people
4onsider infatuation as lo?e, some thin> their lustful
thoughts are lo?e, Some others mista>e se/ual
attra4tion as lo?e, When it 4omes to marriage, there is
e?ery reason to sit down and fgure out what you 4all
lo?e and to >now whether it is really what you thin>
you are loo>ing for,
There are three main types of lo?e that lead to
marriage and they all must 'e present in the order
presented here to e/pe4t a lasting and fulflling
marriage relationship, Let+s 'rieSy 4onsider the three
here*
Noteworthy is that the diGerent forms of lo?e are
arranged in their as4ending order, The frst is the
foundation, the se4ond and the third must 4ome in
that order,
A; AGAPE L&VE4
Agape lo?e has its foundation in Cod, Bt is the >ind of
lo?e that gi?es and sa4rif4es for the highest good of
another person, Bt is a >ind of lo?e that is 4ompletely
44
unselfsh, always thin>ing of others, Bt is a lo?e that
inspires you to do great things for Cod, Bt is the >ind of
lo?e that is un4onditional, Bt the lo?e nature Cod gi?es
to those who truly re4ei?e Him into their li?es as Lord
and Sa?iour and permits Him to wor> it out in their
own li?es, This >ind of lo?e 4an 'e seen in , *or.
1+apter ,0,

Two Main *+ara1teri'ti1' of Agape Lo#e
a. *ompletel$ !n'el9'+ B it see>s that whi4h is 'est
for the one it lo?es, Bt is not loo>ing for what will
'eneft them 'ut those they lo?e,
b. *ommitted lo#e E it >eeps on lo?ing no matter
what happens, Bt is an un4onditional lo?e, Bt does not
lo?e when things are going on well and hate when
things are not going on well, As Cod lo?es us when we
please Him and still lo?es us when we diso'ey him,
that is how agape lo?e is, He e?en lo?es the sinner in
his sin, e?en though He hates the sin of the sinner,
Agape lo?e separates the mista>e from the person,
hates the mista>e 'ut lo?es the person,
The sour4e of agape lo?e is Cod, Agape lo?e is not Hust
a 'eautiful feeling, it is the defnite 4hoi4e of the will,
When you 4hoose to lo?e unselfshly and a4t lo?ingly
towards them, in time you will ha?e the feelings of
lo?e towards them,
Fou 4an start pra4tising to see and thin> in terms of
others right now in your family, Bf you are always
thin>ing of yourself, the li>elihood will transfer into
your marital home,
This agape lo?e should 'e the lo?e you ha?e for all
45
human 'eings as @esus said, you lo?e your neigh'our
as you lo?e yourself,
7. F"IENSHIP L&VE4
This is the warm lo?e and aGe4tion we ha?e for good
friends E people whom we li>e and enHoy, These friends
4an 'e from the opposite se/ or same se/, With su4h
people, you 4an dis4uss Hust anything with or without
limits, Su4h people are fun to 'e with and they
understand you ?ery well, Four ?ery good friends 4an
gi?e you ad?i4e when you ha?e a pro'lem and they
pro?ide you an a?aila'le shoulder to lean on,
We are to ha?e agape lo?e for e?ery'ody 'ut we
4annot 'e 4lose to e?ery'ody,
To ha?e a su44essful marriage, you need friendship
lo?e for your mate, so that you enHoy 'eing together,
tal>ing and sharing things with ea4h other,
,*. SEC!AL L&VE4
This is that most spe4ial and most intimate >ind of
lo?e 'etween a hus'and and wife, We should ha?e
se/ual lo?e for only one person E the person to whom
we are married, Bn se/ual lo?e, there is that aspe4t of
se/ual attra4tion where you are physi4ally attra4ted to
the person you want to get married to, Bt may 'e their
'eauty or a lo?ely fgure, Fou feel proud when you
wal> around or go on a date together with the o'He4t
of your lo?e,
Cod ga?e se/ 'oth as a means of produ4ing 4hildren
and for pleasure, Through se/, a hus'and and wife 4an
e/press to the fullest their lo?e for ea4h other, This is
one of the great 'lessings and pri?ileges of marriage,
The reason why Cod for'ids forni4ation and adultery is
46
that it pollutes the marriage union ta>ing away the
real pleasure Cod intended for 4ouples, As wonderful
as se/ual lo?e is, it 4an ne?er 'e the foundation for a
su44essful marriage,

For a S%11e''f%l Marriage:
)e Need All T+ree T$pe' of Lo#e
All the three are needed in lo?e li>e a three legged tool
that gi?es it 'alan4e, Bf only two legs, it will not ha?e
'alan4e,
These types of lo?e must 4ome in the right order
Agape frst, friendship se4ond and se/ual last,
Lnfortunately, many young people re?erse the order<
they put emphasis on se/ual lo?e without fnding out if
they ha?e friendship lo?e and agape for the person
they are going to get married to,

T+e Solid Fo%ndation for All
T+ree T$pe' of Lo#e i' t+e Lo#e of God.
Bn oursel?es, we 4annot lo?e other people as we
should, That lo?e 4omes when you gi?e your life to
@esus, Cod will gi?e you His Spirit, as you wal> with the
Spirit of Cod, He will produ4e Cod+s >ind of lo?e in your
heart, From here, we 4an lo?e others and our spouse
as we should, Bf the hus'and and wife lo?e ea4h other
unselfshly, there will 'e a little paradise here on earth
4alled their home,

e9nition of Some .*onf%'ing2 )ord'
There are many 4onfusing words people use in the
pla4e of lo?e, Bt would 'e important then to gi?e some
47
'rief defnitions so that we will 'e a'le to distinguish
'etween the other things that loo> li>e lo?e and true
lo?e,

)+at i' l%'t-
Lust is a ?ery strong se/ual desire, A passionate desire
for something, Lust is 4ompletely selfsh, B want it for
me, B want it now, The target of lust is to get
something for itself,
Bn the 'oo> of # Sam* %&, The 'i'li4al e/ample of
Amnon, Da?id+s son+s relationship with Tamar his half1
sister is a good e/ample, He desired her so mu4h that
he fell si4>, Bt ended up in rape, After the e/perien4e
the .i'le says the hatred he had for her was stronger
than the lo?e he felt for her, That was lust,
)+at i' Se=%al Attra1tion-
Se/ual attra4tion is an attra4tion that e/ists 'etween a
'oy and a girl, Bt is Hust natural, We are 'uilt to 'e that
way, Bf you are not, then there is something wrong,
Sin o44urs when we try to satisfy our se/ual dri?e in
the wrong way,
To 'e se/ually attra4ted to someone does not mean
that you are in lo?e with that person, en easily
'e4ome attra4ted to ladies with a 'eautiful fa4e, ni4e
shape, shining 4omple/ion, et4, su4h people, if not
well 4oa4hed will say they are in lo?e,
)+at i' Infat%ation-
Bnfatuation is what is 4alled, lo?e at frst sight,
Bnfatuation has elements of se/ual attra4tion and lust
Hoined together,
Bnfatuation has also 'een des4ri'ed as 'eing 'lindly in
48
lo?e, 'eing inspired 'y an intense 'ut short1li?ed
passion or admiration for a mem'er of the opposite
se/, Bnfatuation is a state where some'ody is Jmade
foolish 'y lo?eK, Bt is a state of 'eing 4ompletely
4arried away 'y an attra4tion for someone,
ay'e you see a girl with the >ind of shape,
4omple/ion or fa4e you admire and you loo> at her so
mu4h that you 'egin to lust after her to the point
where you 'e4ome infatuated,
Bt will 'e of interest to you to note that if you analyNe,
a'out ;$P of the lo?e songs we ha?e in our se4ular
musi4 world that they are 'ased on infatuation, .ut
they 4all it Jlo?e,K
Bn the ne/t 4hapter, we will 4onsider some diGeren4es
'etween infatuation and real lo?e, Bt will help you to
identify infatuation so that you donVt get into a
marriage that will frustrate you,
)+at i' "eal Lo#e-
An intense feeling of deep aGe4tion, A person or thing
that one lo?es,
The emphasis of lo?e is on gi?ing, Lo?e wants what is
'est for the other person, Lo?e is willing to wait for the
right time and the right 4ir4umstan4es,
@a4o' and (a4hel in the .i'le are good e/amples here,
@a4o' wor>ed for se?en years and patiently waited for
the right time without going to 'ed with (a4hel, He
was willing to wor> and wait, The se?en years seemed
li>e a few days,
Bf you fnd someone who says heIshe lo?es you and
the ne/t dire4tion the person wants is the 'ed, please
distan4e yourself from that person,
49











*+apter D
Learning t+e i<eren1e' 7etween
"eal Lo#e and Infat%ation

-ne of the most unfortunate things that 4an happen to
a young person is for them to get married out of
infatuation, The fa4t is that infatuation and real lo?e
loo> mu4h ali>e, Bt ta>es some >nowledge and
wat4hfulness to ma>e the diGeren4e,
We are going to loo> at some of the dominant ways to
50
identify whether it is lo?e or infatuation that is at wor>
in your life, 2motions do lie and if you don+t
understand it you will 'e de4ei?ed,
A. )+at i' Infat%ation-
Bnfatuation has 'een des4ri'ed as 'eing 'lindly in lo?e,
'eing inspired 'y an intense 'ut short1li?ed passion or
admiration for a mem'er of the opposite se/,
Bnfatuation is a state where some'ody is made foolish
'y lo?e, Bnfatuation is a state of 'eing 4ompletely
4arried away 'y an attra4tion for someone,
Some people say that lo?e is 'lind, that is wrong, The
fa4t is that it is infatuation that is 'lind, Some young
people who are infatuated say you 4an+t e/plain lo?e,
Bt 4omes and goes 'y itself,
An infatuated person 4annot usually thin> of something
or someone else 'ut the person they are Jin lo?eK with, Bt
is an e/iting e/perien4e E an emotional high E 'ut it
ne?er lasts long 'e4ause it is not true lo?e,
7. *l%e' to Identif$ing Infat%ation
From the 'oo> Lnderstanding Lo?e and Se/, 'y @ohn
Doe, he gi?es some distinguishing )ualities that will
ma>e the identif4ation of infatuation easy, How 4an
you >now you are infatuatedR Fou tend to idoliNe the
person you thin> you+re in lo?e with, 2?erything heIshe
says or does seems Hust right to you, Fou 4an see no
Saws in hisIher life, -ther people 4an see plenty of
Jdanger signsK 'ut you 4an+t see them 'e4ause you
are 'lindly in lo?e,
Fou tend to 'e disorganised, Fou 'e4ome irresponsi'le,
you negle4t your duties,
.elow are some 4lues that 4an identify infatuation*
51

%, )+at i' t+e MaEor Attra1tion-
Fou are mainly 4arried away 'y the physi4al 'eauty of
the person, attra4ti?e fa4e, lo?ely fgure, fame, et4,
All those physi4al )ualities are li>e wrappings around a
gift, Fou 4ould ha?e 'eautiful wrapping 'ut worthless
gifts, Physi4al 'eauty will not last fore?er, The .i'le is
plain on this, it says in Pro?, &%*&$ JFavour is deceitful,
and "eauty is vain0 "ut a woman that feareth the ,-.D,
she shall "e praised! As important as 'eauty 4an 'e, it
should not 'e your reason for marrying that person,
(emem'er, there are 'eautiful wrappings 4arrying
worthless gifts inside,
-n the other hand, if $o%r lo#e i' real lo#e: it will
+a#e it' intere't' i' in t+e total per'on.
/. How Man$ T+ing' Abo%t T+at Per'on Attra1t
8o%-
When it is infatuation, Hust a few thrilling things attra4t
you to that person, Bt 4ould 'e the way the person
smiles, the way heIshe wal>s, the shape, the fa4e, et4,
-n the other hand, when it is real lo?e, mo't of t+e
F%alitie' G1+ara1ter: attit%de' and intere't': t+e
wa$ '+e 'ing': talk': #oi1e: et1.; of t+e per'on
will attra1t $o%. This is important 'e4ause when you
get married, you may realise that you need so many
things in 4ommon,
0. How id It StartR
Bnfatuation starts fast, There is no su4h thing as real
lo?e at frst sight 'ut there is infatuation at frst sight,
When you hear some'ody say Jthe moment B saw
herIhim, B >new that heIshe was the oneK, That is
infatuation,
52
&n t+e ot+er +and: if it i' real lo#e: it alwa$'
'tart' 'lowl$. (eal lo#e grow' o#er time. T+e
more $o% know t+e per'on: t+e more $o% lo#e
and appre1iate t+em.
No other way, Fou ha?e to >now a person 'efore you
4an truly lo?e the person and this ta>es time, 2?en
4ouples don+t yet 4ompletely >now who they are
married to after ten years,
3. How *on'i'tent i' 8o%r Intere't-
When infatuation is in?ol?ed, your interest in ea4h
other 'lows hot and 4old, -ne reason is that your
interest grew so fast that the roots are shallow, Fou will
realise that today you lo?e the person so mu4h and
the ne/t day, you don+t feel li>e you really lo?e
himIher again, These 4onstant swit4hing of feelings
are gi?ing you a signal,
-n the other hand, w+en it i' real lo#e: $o%r
feeling' are likel$ to be warm and tender instead
of hot and 4old,
5. How doe' it a<e1t $o%r per'onalit$-
An infatuation has a disorganiNing eGe4t upon your
personality, Bt ma>es you less eT4ient and less
responsi'le, Four romanti4 feelings are in 4ontrol and you
wal> around li>e in a daydream, Bf you hear a girl saying
JB >now he has faults, 'ut nothing really matters, e/4ept
the lo?e we ha?e for ea4h other,,K This is infatuation,
PeriodM Bf they get married, she would soon realise that
those little things matter ?ery mu4h,
-n the other hand, if it i' real lo#e: t+e one $o% lo#e
will bring o%t $o%r be't F%alitie' and make $o%
want to be a better per'on. A 'oy said JB lo?e her not
53
only 'e4ause she is so wonderful, 'ut 'e4ause she is
su4h an en4ouragement to me to 'e the right >ind of
personK, Bn real lo?e you plan and prepare yourself for a
su44essful future marriage,
?. How o &t+er' View 8o%r "elation'+ip-
When what other people say does not matter to you,
all that matters is your lo?e relationship to that
person, it is a 4lear indi4ation that this is infatuation, Bt
does not mean that if it is true lo?e, there will 'e no
opposition, Howe?er, if it is infatuation many 4lose
people to you will 4aution you on the relationship,
Bnfatuated people will not 4are what others ha?e to
say,
-n the other hand, w+en it i' real lo#e: man$
1lo'e people to $o% will appro#e of t+e
relation'+ip. Four friends will generally li>e the
person instead of resenting or opposing the person,
D. Are 8o% Sel9'+ or SelHe''-
When it is infatuation, you are more 4on4erned with
your feelings of lo?e and you will e?en want to ma>e
lo?e to the person 'efore the appropriate time, This is
'e4ause you are only thin>ing of your own lo?e
feelings instead of the good of the other person,
-n the other hand, w+en it i' real lo#e: $o% will
be patient and be more 1on1erned wit+ t+e
dignit$ and 1on1ern $o% +a#e for t+e ot+er
per'on. Fou will want to prote4t the relationship from
guilt and shame tomorrow,
*+apter I
Area' of Preparation for
54
A La'ting Marriage

Bt is important to >now that marriage needs ade)uate
preparation 'efore you 4an get into it, There are
diGerent areas of preparation 'ut we are going to loo>
at three le?els here whi4h are ?ery important,

T+ree Area' of Preparation
%, 7iologi1al4
To go into marriage, you must 'e 'iologi4ally ready, This
means you should 'e the right age and healthy, The
good news here is that this does not re)uire mu4h eGort,
All you need to do is to eat well and 'efore you realiNe it,
you will 'e ready 'iologi4ally, Howe?er, laws in ?arious
4ountries go?ern the minimum age for marriage, The
!ameroon go?ernment for e/ample has set the ages at
#% years for 'oys and %= years for girls to get married,
any marriage 4ounsellors suggest that the man should
'e at least #0 years while the lady should 'e at least ##
years for a su44essful marriage, B am sure these ages
ha?e a part to play in the other areas of preparation we
will see 'elow,
/. Emotional and P'$1+ologi1al4
This has to do with emotional intelligen4e, This area of
preparation is ?ery important 'e4ause without it, the
marriage 4annot su44eed, 2motional maturity will
mean your way of responding to people who hurt you,
!an you 'e angry and still manage to hold yourself
without turning sourR How will you treat some'ody
who a'uses you, treats you nastily, et4,
Psy4hologi4al maturity tal>s of the way you see and
55
interpret things, Bt+s a >ind of mental preparation to
deal with e?ents the way they should 'e dealt with,
B on4e heard the true story of a 4ouple who after their
wedding, at night, when they entered into the house,
the man left to see oG some family mem'ers, -n
4oming 'a4> to the room, he 4ould not see the girl,
When he 4alled her name and as>ed where she was,
the lady responded under the 'ed and said JDo you
thin> B don+t >now what you want to do to meR B >now
what you are planning, B will not 4ome out of this
pla4e,K The matter 'e4ame so serious that the parents
of the girl had to 'e 'rought in to 4oa4h the girl and
prepare her for the ine?ita'le, Fou >now what B meanM
This girl was not psy4hologi4ally prepared,
To enhan4e your psy4hologi4al preparation, you ha?e
to read, study and see ahead,
B li>e what the Winners+ !hapel Bnternational inistries
do, They re4ommend intending 4ouples to ha?e read
at least %0 'oo>s 'efore their wedding day, 2?en
though it seems too high a target, 'ut when you 'eat
it, you are on the side of >nowledge that will 'ail you
out of mu4h trou'le,
B was tea4hing in a singles seminar lately and B said
anointing does not wor> in the home, it is >nowledge
that wor>s in the home, Fou may 'e ?ery anointed 'ut
if you don+t ha?e >nowledge to run your home, your
home may 4rum'le, The anointing will 'e ?ery helpful
if si4>ness steals into the home 'ut to ha?e a
harmonious marriage, there are no short 4uts,
Knowledge is indispensa'le,
0. Finan1ial4
56
Finan4ial preparation 4annot 'e o?er emphasiNed, The
man must 'e a'le to foot the 'asi4 'ills that lead to a
su44essful family life, Fou must 'e a'le to feed
yourself and your spouse,
Bt is important for the man in parti4ular to ma>e sure
that he has a sour4e of in4ome so that he 4an ta>e
4are of his family, So while praying for a life partner,
also ha?e a plan for fnan4ial a4ti?ities that will >eep
that marriage going,
To the sister, it is also ?ery important to 'e gainfully
employed 'e4ause you are supposed to 'e a helper to
your hus'and,
That is why e?en during 4ourtship, one of the issues
under 4onsideration is fnan4e, how to ma>e the
ne4essary fnan4es that will 'e ne4essary to ta>e 4are
of the home,






57
*+apter ,J

ealing wit+ Emotional
Handi1ap' In "elation'+ip'

There are many emotionally handi4apped persons who
are ma>ing relationships diT4ult for their partners
'e4ause they are not e?en aware of their handi4ap,
B ha?e dis4o?ered this in the li?es of many people and
in some areas of my life, B lost my mother 'efore the
age of f?e and B grew up with others who were not
fully de?eloped emotionally either, These people also
had their own emotional handi4aps and one at a gi?en
time a4tually treated me and my elder 'rother as
se4ond 4lass, There was no real lo?e, B did not e?en
>now what it meant to 'e petted and 'a'ied 'y a
parent, From 4lass one in primary s4hool B had to wash
my own dresses, ta>e 4are of myself in many ways
'e4ause my mother was not there to gi?e me that
motherly 4on4ern, When B got married, B was always
trying to ta>e 4are of the home 'y pro?iding food,
paying the 'ills, in fa4t trying to 'e ?ery responsi'le
e?en though my responsi'ility mus4le was still so
wea>,
y wife >ept 4omplaining of diGerent areas where B
was not a4ting as a tender and 4aring hus'and, B
58
thought B was doing my 'est, Bt was later that it stru4>
me that B ha?e an emotional handi4ap and B was not
e?en aware of it,
B realiNed that 'eing 'orn into a polygamous family
where the father li?es in a diGerent house and his
wi?es li?e in their own houses with their 4hildren had
impa4ted me signif4antly, Bn addition to the fa4t that B
lost my um when B was a'out four years old, 'eing
raised up for a'out f?e years with a lady who was Hust
helping, fnally 'eing raised 'y my sister who almost
had the same up'ringing li>e me, B had a se?ere
emotional handi4ap B was not e?en aware of, This
understanding helped me to see> Cod and as> for
gra4e to 'e the father and hus'and B am supposed to
'e,
When B started paying attention to those areas, B
started de?eloping some emotional aspe4ts of me that
were not there, Bf B did not 4ome to that realiNation B
may not ha?e 'een a'le to gi?e my wife or my
4hildren the 'est emotional input that they need, B
must 4onfess to you that B am still wor>ing on it, The
good news howe?er is that B >now what is happening, B
am not where B want to 'e 'ut than> Cod B am not
where B used to 'e, B am ma>ing progress,
From 4ounseling with se?eral people, B ha?e realiNed
that there are many people who ha?e emotional
handi4aps, There are some things that the partner
ta>es for granted that they should >now 'ut they are
4ompletely ignorant of what they should >now,
Fou need to e/amine and tal> o?er with your spouse or
partner to >now how they grew up, Know a'out their
59
4hildhood and things they went through, When you ha?e
a perfe4t understanding of these areas, you gi?e yourself
a 'etter 4han4e to >now how to lo?e your partner and
how to help them in those areas of their emotional
handi4ap,
Try to fnd out from your partner whether they had any
4hildhood a'uses, Try to fnd out if they had any
spe4ta4ularly negati?e e?ents that 'rought sho4> to
their li?es,
Did they grow up with foster parentsR
Did they grow up with step parents whether a step
mother or fatherR
Did they grow up with wild parents or typi4ally angry
parentsR
Did they grow up with fghting parentsR
Did they grow up with a father who was a drun>R
Were they maltreated in s4hoolR
Did they ser?e for a while as house helpsR
Did they grow up with a single parentR
Did they grow up in a polygamous homeR
Did they grow up in se?ere po?erty and miseryR
Did they grow up with typi4al a'sentee parentsR That
is parents who are hardly at homeR

All of these )uestions 4an re?eal a lot of things that will
help in identifying the areas of handi4ap in your spouse,
This is the 4ase 'e4ause the way and the people we grow
up with, ha?e an impa4t in our li?es, We ha?e to e/amine
the negati?e patterns that ha?e aGe4ted our li?es from
these people and renew our minds in those areas,
Please when you fnd out some distressing areas of your
spouse, your attitude should 'e that of support and
60
understanding,
Ne?er ma>e a mo4>ery of your spouse+s family or
up'ringing, Bt 4an 'e really demoraliNing and
em'arrassing,
When you fnd out these areas of emotional handi4aps,
read 'oo>s in that area, Pray for Cod to fll the gap 'y His
Spirit and e/pose yourself to people who are emotionally
strong in those areas, Bf you relate with su4h people, you
will 'e learning 'y o'ser?ation and a lot will 4hange,
*+apter ,,
7reaking So%l Tie'
t+at 7ind 8o% to t+e Pa't

any young persons pray for years with no partner
4oming without realiNing that spiritually, mentally or
emotionally, they are JmarriedK,
Bn one of our Singles+ 2n4ounters, we taught on this
su'He4t and 4alled out those who ha?e had a 'ro>en
relationship to 4ome out so we 4an pray for them,
B as>ed one of these ladies who 4ame for me to pray
for her if she had forgi?en the 'oy, she told me that
this 'oy had died 'ut she still refused to forgi?e the
dead 'oy, B helped her to forgi?e this 'oy,
When B prayed for this girl, B stayed 'a4> thin>ing, !an
61
you imagine that so many people are hindered in life
'y someone who is dead or someone who does not
4are for them in any wayR
)HAT A"E S&!L TIES-
Soul ties are 'onds or 4onne4tions that de?elop as a
result of a relationship, This 4onne4tion or 'ond 4an
'e as strong as a high tension 4a'le or as wea> as a
thread, The eGe4t of these relationships are our
4on4ern, Bf the eGe4ts hinder us from following Cod+s
plan for our life it 'e4omes ungodly, and therefore
should 'e 'ro>en, Soul ties de?elop from relationship
with our friends, family mem'ers, leaders, spirit of
unforgi?eness and through unauthoriNed se/ual
relationships, 5forni4ation, adultery, homose/uality,
les'ianism8 and with the dead, Lngodly soul ties 4an
hinder one from enHoying a 'lessing or getting
married,
How do people maintain soul ties*
,. !nforgi#ene''4
-ne of the ways people maintain soul ties with people
who hurt them, disappointed them and maltreated them
is that they refuse to forgi?e su4h persons, Lnforgi?eness
>eeps that person in your heart and hinders you from
4reating a spa4e for the rightful person,
Samuel in the .i'le was disappointed and was mourning
for Saul 'e4ause he had failed Cod, Bt was li>e e?erything
had 4ome to an end,
Howe?er, when one person fails Cod, He will raise up
another 'etter person than the frst,

A .ro>en and Dis4ouraged an Who Filled His Horn
With -il
62
Se?eral years ago, there was a tea4her who was
disappointed 'y a girl he wanted to get married to,
This girl left the house 4arrying away e?erything this
man had and went and started staying with a wit4h
do4tor, The man >ept 'egging for this lady to 4ome
'a4>, He 'e4ame a 4omplete emotional wre4>, He )uit
his tea4hing Ho' and was sleeping at the waiting room
of the radio 'road4asting station, He 'e4ame ?ery pale
and almost lost his mind until one morning Cod
inspired me to prea4h from % Sam %9*% )nd the ,-.D
said unto Samuel, (ow long wilt thou mourn for Saul,
seeing ' have re#ected him from reigning over 'srael?
$ll thine horn with oil, and go, ' will send thee to 8esse
the Bethlehemite0 for ' have provided me a king
among his sons!
When B ministered to this young man using this ?erse,
and told him to refll his horn with oil he was
en4ouraged to forgi?e and let go of this girl and si/
months after, he was wor>ing out an e/4iting
relationship with another young girl, he pi4>ed up his
Ho' again and life returned to normal,
Cod does not want you to mourn o?er that man or
woman who has disappointed you, The Lord says fll
your horn with oil for B ha?e found another man after
my own heart,
Fou 4an 'e sure that Da?id was a 'etter leader 4ompared
to Saul, He lo?ed Cod, and he did Cod+s will, There are
some people who disappoint you 'e4ause Cod does not
want you to fa4e the pain and heart 'rea> that they may
'ring to you down the road, Trust Cod to gi?e you the
'est, Bf you did not do anything to 4ause the relationship
to go wrong, trust Cod that He >nows what is happening,
63
Forgi?e that person no matter what he did and mo?e on
with your life,
What you ha?e to do is get rid of any ill feelings you
ha?e in your heart a'out that person, De4ide to forgi?e
with the gra4e of Cod,
.elie?e that Cod is doing something you 4an+t ma>e out
now, Bf forgi?eness is a pro'lem to you, it will do you
good to read my 'oo> 3n#oying the Bene$ts of
Forgiveness, This 'oo> will show you the 'enefts of and
how to pra4ti4e forgi?eness with the gra4e of Cod,
/. &ld Lo#e Partner' t+at Still Appeal to 8o%4
There are some !hristians, though 'orn again, they
4annot help thin>ing a'out a parti4ular 'oyIgirl who
lo?ed them so mu4h or ga?e them a treat they would
not forget, That is a sign of a soul tie, Fou are to hate
the e?il things you did in the world, Bf you still thin>
a'out that 'oyIgirl with delight, it means there is still
an emotional atta4hment and this 4an pre?ent you
from getting the right person,
0. 7lood *o#enant'4
There are many young people who go into 'lood
4o?enants in the name of lo?e, That is demoni4, These
4onstitute not only soul ties 'ut demoni4 ties, Fou
need to meet an anointed man of Cod to guide you to
'rea> it, .ut the good news is that the 'lood of @esus is
stronger than any 4o?enant you e?er entered into,
3. Idoli>ing Somebod$ in 8o%r Heart4
Bt is possi'le for people who ha?e ne?er had any
dealing together to end up in strong soul ties, Fou may
fnd a young manIwoman who is so 4arried 'y the
'eauty or handsomeness of another person that e?en
64
though that person has ne?er spo>en to them, they
sleep and dream a'out that person, They daydream
a'out that person all day, This also 'e4omes a soul tie
that must 'e 'ro>en for you to 'e free to marry the
person Cod has for you,

STEPS T& 7"EAAING !NG&L8 S&!L TIES
%, Bdentify unhealthy relationships in your life that the
.i'le 4ondemns, and write them down,
#, Write down the names of people you are 4onne4ted
to in an ungodly relationship,
&, (epent for allowing these people o44upy the pla4e
of Cod in your life and pray using s4riptures that
promise forgi?eness from sin and restoration,
:, Worship Cod for your deli?eran4e, And see your
pastor for more dire4tion.

*+apter ,/
*l%e' to Anowing t+e
)ill of God in Marriage
,. Anow )+at 7ibli1al Marriage I'4
Two 'e4oming one Sesh, There is no room for di?or4e,
Bt is a lifetime aGair, att %;*9 answering the )uestion
why oses permitted them to put away their wi?es
said 'n the "eginning, it was not so! Bn real 'i'li4al
marriage, di?or4e is not an option, When you
understand that it is not an option, you will ta>e your
time 'efore you mo?e to the altar with some'ody
'e4ause there is no re?erse gear in the whole
65
institution,
/. God Ha' a Partner for 8o%4
This is good newsM Cod already has a partner uni)uely
suita'le for you, He said He will ma>e a helper suita'le
for the manU(elp meet or help suita"le, Cod has a
4ompanion for you, Cenesis #*%= says 't is not good
for a man to "e alone, ' will make him a helper
suita"le for him! Bf you are loo>ing for Cod+s will in
marriage, the good news is that Cod is more
interested in you ha?ing the right person than you are
ready to re4ei?e the right person, Sin4e Cod is happy
when the family unit is Hoyful and lo?ely, then we
should >now that He is wor>ing in the 'a4>ground to
ma>e sure that we get Hust the right person, All you
need to do is to trust and 'elie?e His plans for you, @er,
#;*%%,
0. 7e Prepared4
Fou need to 'e prepared psy4hologi4ally,
emotionally, fnan4ially and 'iologi4ally, We ha?e
loo>ed at all these areas of preparation, a>e sure
you pay attention to them,
3. 7e1ome t+e "ig+t Per'on4
Don+t spend a lot of time loo>ing for the right
person< instead 4on4entrate to 'e4ome the right
person, Ci?e your life to @esus, Bmpro?e your
relationship with @esus, How easy 4an people get
along with youR Bf you want a partner with some
desira'le )ualities, de?elop those )ualities in your
own life, -n4e you de?elop those )ualities, you will
fnd yourself putting the law of attra4tion into play
66
where li>e 'egins to attra4ts li>e, So instead of
trying to get the right person, 'e4ome the right
person, Put it diGerently, 'e the 4hange or the
partner you are loo>ing for,
5. 7e Ne%tral4
2Ne>iel %:*: says if you 4ome to a prophet with an idol
in your heart, He the Lord will answer you a44ording to
the multitudes of the idols in your heart, Some people
4ome into Cod+s presen4e with the pi4ture of the
person they want and they 4ome to see> Cod+s
appro?al o?er their 4hoi4e, They are not as>ing Cod for
His 4hoi4e, they 4ome for Him to appro?e their own
4hoi4e, Don+t ha?e images of 'rothers or sisters you
are Kreser?ingK in your heart, .rea> all old relations
from your heart, Some people don+t easily get married
'e4ause they are married in their hearts, Cet rid of
e?ery person you are 4arrying in your imagination and
gi?e Cod a 4han4e to gi?e you His 'est, !ome to a
neutral position where your heart is free of any person
you want and you are open to Cod to guide you to His
will,
6. Look to God to Gi#e 8o% t+e "ig+t Partner4
Pray and see> Cod, Trust Cod that he will gi?e you the
'est, Bf you as> for a wife: Cod will not gi?e you a
knife. Similarly, you 4annot 'e as>ing Cod for a
+%'band and He gi?es you a +or'e, Cod wants to
>eep His 4o?enant, He says as> and you will re4ei?e,
.elie?e that Cod means what He says, He wants to
gi?e you the 'est, Don+t loo> to your 'eauty, money,
handsomeness or whate?er you thin> gi?es you an
ad?antage to get the right person, Loo> to Cod, Don+t
67
4heat yourself 'y thin>ing you >now what is right for
you, Fou 4an see what you li>e e/ternally 'ut Cod sees
'oth the outside and the hearts,
?. Anow )+at 8o% are Looking for4
As a !hristian, you should >now what you want, Fou
should >now that no'ody short of a 'orn again 4hild of
Cod will do for you, There are negotia'le and non1
negotia'le )ualities you are loo>ing for in a life
partner, -ne of the non1negotia'le )ualities is that this
person LST 'e 'orn again, Some of the negotia'le
)ualities will 'e the height, le?el of edu4ation,
4omple/ion, et4,
D. 7e Sen'iti#e to t+e Leading of t+e Hol$
Spirit4
When you gi?e the Holy Spirit your attention, the Holy
Spirit will guide you to the right person at the right
time, When you de4ide to use your own senses, you
follow your emotions< you are li>ely to ma>e a ?ery 'ig
mista>e in your life, As you are praying, 'e sensiti?e to
what the Holy Spirit is witnessing in your heart,
I. 7e Sin1ere T+at 8o% )ant God To G%ide 8o%
And Gi#e 8o% Hi' )ill4
When you are sin4ere that you want Cod+s leading in
your life, Cod will see your heart and ta>e o?er and
'egin to guide you to the rightful person, This re)uires
humility, trust and a heart that is yielded to Cod,
,J. 7e H%mble and A1knowledge God i' )i'er*
As human 'eings, we are limited, we 4an only see so
far, Humility 'rings you to the point of a4>nowledging
that you are limited 'ut Cod is omnis4ient and
unlimited, He >nows the hearts of men, He is the one
68
who 4an mat4h the heart to the physi4al appearan4e,
(emem'er Cod >nows the hearts of men and he lo?es
you un4onditionally, Why not trust Him with a 4ru4ial
de4ision li>e getting a life partner,
Pride and presumptuousness 4an 'e ?ery dangerous to
your marriage, Some people ha?e presumptuously
gone into marriage without see>ing the fa4e of Cod
and ended up getting married to demoni4ally prepared
spouses, any young people ha?e had to die untimely
'e4ause of demoni4 spouses they got married to,
Don+t shorten your life span 'y 'eing presumptuous,
Let Cod lead you,
,,. T+ro%g+ Vi'ion' and ream'4
Deli'erately, B ha?e put this 4riterion at this point, B
almost left it out, The issues of dreams ha?e led many
people into trou'le a'out the will of Cod,
Cod does lead people in marriage through dreams 'ut
'efore you 4on4lude Cod is leading you to get married to
that person through a dream, as> yourself* JWhat tra4>
re4ord do B ha?e a'out dreams that 4ame to pass, how
often has Cod spo>en to me through dreamsRK
This is 4riti4al 'e4ause dreams ha?e a'out four
sour4es* a8 your daily a4ti?ities gi?e you things to
dream a'out, '8 the de?il 4an also 4ause you to
dream, 48 Cod 4an gi?e you dreams, et4, The )uestion
now is* where is your dream 4oming from,
Bf you are infatuated a'out some'ody, you will
naturally dream a'out that person 'e4ause your mind
plays it 'a4> at night,
Dreams should 'e part of the supporting e?iden4e 'ut
not the main depending on your tra4> re4ord with
69
dreams,

,/. T+ro%g+ !nplanned E#ent' or .i#ine
*oin1iden1e'24
Dere> Prin4e in the 'oo> JCod is a at4h1a>erK relates
how Cod led him to marry his wi?es 5his frst wife died
and he remarried8,
Bn the two 4ases, he says he did nothing to 4ause it to
happen, Bt was li>e a di?ine 4oin4iden4e that he found
himself in the right pla4e at the right time and the
4ir4umstan4es Hust seemed to ha?e fallen in pla4e
without his trying to wor> out anything,
.eing in the mission feld, he also found a lady in the
mission feld who was doing what he had a 'urden to do,
They met in a strange land and where helping ea4h other
in the ?ine yard and things Hust fell into pla4e,
There are some di?ine 4oin4iden4es that 'rig us in tou4h
with the right person without you playing any parti4ular
part for it to o44ur, When this happens, Cod will ma>e it
plain to you and to the person and e?en to others
around, Cod is indeed a mat4h1ma>er, All you need to do
is to trust Him and He will do the rest,
70
*+apter ,0
General Tip' for Single' to Anow
7efore Going to t+e Altar

any singles miss out on Cod+s 'est in their li?es
'e4ause of ignoran4e, any more are missing Cod+s
'est for their li?es 'e4ause of wrong information they
get from their friends and some ungodly women,

A relation'+ip 7reak'
Apart %e to Ignoran1e
B was inspired partly to start tal>ing to young people
on how to prepare for marriage after B heard the story
of this 'rother, He was in a relationship with a sister
and after a while, B as>ed him how things were going,
He told me the relationship had fallen apart, He said
after he approa4hed the sister, the sister as>ed for
some time to pray,
After se?eral months of prayer, when the 'rother will
as> the sister what the Lord was saying, the sister will
tell this 'rother to 'e patient, When the 'rother tells
the sister JB lo?e youMK the sister will respond J.ut it is
normal for you to lo?e me 'e4ause the Word of Cod
has said we should lo?e one another,K This 4ontinued
for )uite a long time and this 'rother thought this
sister was proud and he de4ided to drop the whole
idea of marrying her,
After a while the 'rother 4alled the sister and told her
not to 'other praying again as he realiNed that the
71
relationship was not going to wor> out,
When this 'rother turned his 'a4> on the relationship,
the sister started running after the 'rother, She will
4all or send te/t messages saying JB lo?e youK and the
'rother will respond the way she used to do, JBt is
normal for you to lo?e me 'e4ause the .i'le says we
should lo?e one another,K
The 'rother ne?er a44epted to go 'a4> to the
relationship, The sister lo?ed this 'rother 'ut did not
>now how to >eep him, A >ind of pride and ignoran4e
of what to do 4aused her to lose this young man,
They are 'oth married today 5to diGerent partners8 'ut
what B am 4on4erned with is the way she handled the
relationship, She did not en4ourage this young man in
any way to >eep waiting if she was still praying,
any young girls ha?e heard from their friends how
they >ept a 'oy waiting for si/ months, one year, et4,
to test him to see the e/tent of his lo?e for them, and
some ladies ha?e foolishly gone ahead to imitate their
friends without any reason,
This portion of this 'oo> is to gi?e you some general
tips you will need to >eep yourself, initiate, >eep and
4onsolidate a relationship when the right one 4omes
your way,


Some Simple T+ing' T+at Matter
There are a few things that are ?ital to initiate and
maintain a fruitful relationship, They may not 'e ?ery
spiritual 'ut they are important granted that we are
not 4ompletely spiritual here on earth, We also need
72
wisdom to intera4t with one another,

a8 How to "e'pond to a S%itor 8o% onKt Like4
Dear lady, when a young man approa4hes you and
ma>es his proposal for marriage and you don+t li>e the
person, please, 4ontrol yourself the 'est you 4an,
Ne?er insult or humiliate him as if it were a pro'lem, B
must admit that there are many men who li>e to shoot
?ery high, A typi4al man wants to get the 'est girl he
4an see, So when they 4ome, B want you to >now that
it is a test of Cod on how you will 'eha?e, Some ladies
4an loo> at the man from head to foot and tell him JSo
'rother, you ha?e loo>ed all around in this 4hur4h and
you ha?e seen that B am the one who mat4hes with
youR .rother may Cod not punish you,K
A young man may 4ome to you and you 4ould feel
tempted to insult him, 'ut when you do, you are
hurting Cod 'y despising His dear 4hild, What you
should do is that with all the self14ontrol you 4an
muster, tell him JPlease B appre4iate the fa4t that you
lo?e me and want me to 'e your wife, Howe?er, B will
as> you to 4ontinue to pray that Cod will lead you to
the right person, B don+t thin> B am the right person for
you,K When you respond in su4h a fashion, you would
ha?e passed a test of self14ontrol and you would not
ha?e destroyed that young man+s spirit to approa4h
another lady,
The way some sisters respond to a 'rother is so harsh
that the 'rother will need se?eral months to o?er4ome
the sho4>, muster more 4ourage to approa4h another
sister, Please dear sister don+t do it, Bf you do, you
73
would ha?e failed a test that Cod e/pe4ts you to pass,

b; How to re'pond to t+e one $o% like wit+o%t
being 1+eap4
When a suitor you admire 4omes o?er to you and you
don+t want to a44ept his proposal immediately
'e4ause you don+t want to appear too an/ious or
4heap, this is what you should do, Bf you are a
!hristian, than> the suitor and tell him to gi?e you
time to pray a'out it or thin> a'out it, And please if
you are 'orn again and you say you want to pray
a'out it, do a4tually pray 'e4ause loo>s may 'e
de4epti?e,
While you are still praying or ma>ing up your mind,
en4ourage the suitor 'y smiling when you see him,
Creet him 4heerfully, @ust this alone is an assuran4e to
the suitor that things may turn out 'etter, Bf the suitor
sends you a te/t li>e JB lo?e you,K B may not suggest
that you also send one 'a4> and say JB lo?e you tooK
'ut you 4an say JThan> you, B appre4iate itMK Don+t say
JBt is normal for you to lo?e me, is that not what the
.i'le has as>ed us to doRK No, .e polite,

1; re'' )ell4
This simple a4tion 4an determine whether a sister
a44epts a 'rother or not, any 'rothers don+t 4are how
they present themsel?es, Bt is ?itally important, Cod is
not against dressing de4ently, any sisters too at
times Hust put on dresses that ma>e them loo> li>e old
women and they are surprised that no one 4omes to
them for marriage, B am not suggesting that you dress
74
sedu4ti?ely or e/pensi?ely 'ut dress sharply and
neatly,

d; 7e (o#ial4
There are many young people you will not remem'er
when you last saw them smile or laugh genuinely, Fou
often see them gloomy, The worst of some of these
4ases at times are some sisters who thin> marriage
has delayed< they start 'eing o?erly 4on4erned a'out
it and end up 'eing moody, A moody person repels the
right people from them meanwhile a Hoyful, Ho?ial
person will attra4t people to them, Put on a Hoyful
4ountenan4e,

e; 7e Nat%ral4
DonVt li?e artif4ially, .e yourself< don+t try to a4t li>e
someone else, De?elop your personality and 'e4ame
the 'est you 4an 'e,

f; 7e *ommitted in t+e T+ing' of God4
Don+t 'e indiGerent to the Word of Cod and the things
of Cod, 2?en un'elie?ers prefer godly women these
days,

g. A#oid t+e *ompan$ of Go''ip'4
en fear gossips 'e4ause they 4an 'ring them shame
and men fear 'eing disgra4ed, So if you ha?e friends
who are typi4al gossip, you ha?e to )uit su4h friends
'e4ause when a 'rother sees you with a gossip, he will
also 'elie?e you are one of them, .irds of a feather
So4>, you >nowM

75
k. e#elop SelfL*ontrol4
There is no'ody who li>es to ha?e an emotional wre4> for
a partner, Fou need to de?elop self14ontrol in e?ery
aspe4t of life, y 'oo> 2inning the Battle -ver )nger
will help you in this 4ru4ial area,

T+ing' to G%ard Again't
Ne#er Marr$ Someone )+o Look' own on
8o%4
There are some suitors or ladies who loo> down on the
person they want to marry, Bf you marry someone who
loo>s down on you, you are in for trou'le, arry
someone who treasures you and sees them as the 'est
thing happening to them,

Ne#er Marr$ Someone )+o T+ink' HeMS+e i' oing
8o% a Fa#o%r4
There are some partners who are wor>ing out a
relationship towards marriage 'ut one partner
'eha?es as if heIshe is doing the other partner a
fa?our 'y marrying himIher, Some young men will
want the lady to treat them as a lord, ma>ing
statements li>e, JAre you not pri?ileged that with all
the ladies who ha?e 'een 4lamouring around me, B
de4ided to 4hoose youRK Fou would hear the lady also
say JFou should 4ount it a pri?ilege that B a44epted
you, Do you >now how many men ha?e 4ome to get
married to meRK Some of these mis4on4eptions 4ome
to us 'ased on the way the opposite se/ treats us, A
young girl who has 'een 4ourted 'y many men tends
to 'elie?e that she is the 4entre of the uni?erse, She
thin>s she is on the moon 'e4ause many men are showing
76
interest in her, This 'reeds some >ind of pride, Some young
men too are hot 4a>e, so many ladies send gifts< oGer lun4h
in an attempt to attra4t these young men,
When you see a partner treating you as if they were
doing you a fa?our to get married to you, B will suggest
you pause the relationship and pray or thin> it o?er,
No'ody should treat you as se4ond 4lass, Fou deser?e
the 'est, you deser?e to 'e num'er one and the
)ueen or >ing of the life of that person,
The normal pattern is supposed to 'e the other way
round, Fou are supposed to 4onsider the other person
doing you a fa?our to get married to you while the
other partner too 4onsiders it in the same way, .ut if
you are the one who thin>s you are doing that person
a fa?our, that is pride and self14entredness, Fou are
not yet ready for marriage, Fou need to grow up,
arriage should 'e 'etween two people who lo?e,
respe4t and long to 'elong to ea4h other, When ea4h
partner esteems the other 'etter than himself, and
4onsiders that the other is doing them a fa?our 'y
de4iding to get into a marriage union with them, they
will 'e polite and >ind, ready to play their roles to
ma>e sure the relationship turns out good, .ut if the
man or woman sees himself or herself as doing the
other person a fa?our, they will e/pe4t that person to
)ualify to ha?e them, whi4h is wrong, This is
manipulation, Bf you thin> that person is not the 'est
for you, go to the one you 4onsider is the 'est, No'ody
deser?es se4ond pla4e in the heart of the person they
want to marry, True lo?e is re4ipro4al< it is not one
person wor>ing to gain the fa?our of the other, Two of
them are wor>ing to 'e fa?oura'le to the other,
77

*on'ider t+e'e F%rt+er *a%tion'
7efore $o% 'a$ .8e' I doN2

%, on@t Marr$ Someone (%'t to "%n Awa$ From
Loneline''4
Bt is 'etter to li?e your entire life as a single person
than to 'e in a 'ad and negati?e relationship, Fou will
surely die 'efore your time,
There are some .rothersISisters who want to get
married 'e4ause they want to run away from 'eing
single,
Bt is possi'le for you to 'e a single yet not lonely, @esus
4an 'e a friend to you li>e no other 4an, The
'rothersIsisters, 4ompany of 'elie?ers 4an rid you of
loneliness, Bts important for you to >now that there are
many married people who are ?ery lonely, arriage is
not a solution to loneliness, So ma>e sure that you are not
getting married to run away from loneliness, Let Cod fll
e?ery ?a4uum in your life,
/. on@t Marr$ Someone &%t of Pit$4
Ne?er get married to someone out of pity, Don+t say
JThis .rotherISister is suGering, if B marry himIher, B
will help himIher,K Ne?er marry someone out pity,
arry someone out of lo?e, Bf you want to help that
'rotherIsister, you 4an do it without ne4essarily
getting married to them, Bf you are de4iding to marry
some'ody, ma>e sure that it is lo?e, not pity leading
you, That pity won+t last for long, Bt 4an turn into
frustration and regret later, A?oid itM
0. o Not *+oo'e in a H%rr$4
78
a>e sure you ta>e time to 4hoose your life partner,
Don+t 4hoose in a hurry and don+t do it under pressure
either, Ta>e your time, .e sure,
Don+t 4hoose 'e4ause you ha?e made lo?e to that
person, Purity till marriage is Cod+s will for you* Bf you
don+t want to li?e in your home with regret, with guilt
and la4> of trust, a?oid going to 'ed with your partner
till you ha?e re4ei?ed Cod+s 'lessing on the altar, Bf
you do it 'efore the time, it will 4at4h up with you in
time,
3. on@t Get Married a' a Teenager4
A?oid the trap of getting married as a teenager, When
you are still a teenager, there are a lot of 4han4es for you
not to >now what you should really e/pe4t from a
relationship, Fou will 'e more 4on4erned with emotional
aspe4ts of the relationship with a total negle4t to other
areas that are ?ery 4ru4ial to a long lasting relationship,
5. on@t Marr$ )it+ t+e E=pe1tation of *+anging
t+e &t+er Per'on4
Don+t e?en get married to someone with the intention
of 4hanging the person or J'ringing her up,K Some
men say they will go to the ?illage and get a young girl
whom they will 'ring up in their own way, -n4e you
treat your wife as a 'a'y that you are 'ringing up, you
ha?e already set a wrong pre4eden4e for your
relationship,
6. on@t Marr$ E=pe1ting t+e &t+er Per'on to
Make 8o% Happ$4 This is a 'ig mista>e many married
people ma>e, They depend on their spouse to ma>e them
happy, True happiness should 4ome from your relationship
with Cod not from your spouse, Four spouse 4an only ma>e
you happier not happy, .efore you get married, you are
79
supposed to 'e a happy person, and not ma>e your spouse
your sour4e of happiness,
?. Ne#er Tr$ to 7%$ a 7o$@' Lo#e T+ro%g+ Se= or
Gift'4
Trying to 'uy a 'oy+s lo?e through se/ or money or
gifts will frustrate you, That is a 4heap way to get a life
partner, Don+t try to 'uy a 'oy+s lo?e through food, Bt
has 'een erroneously said that the way to a man+s
heart is through his stoma4h, .e4ause of this, many
ladies resort to 4oo>ing and in?iting targeted 'rothers,
Fou are ma>ing yourself 4heap, (emem'er if you 4at4h
that 'rother through food, you will ha?e to maintain
him through food, B realised in my 4ase that when B eat
something, it goes into my stoma4h and is fnally
eliminated into the toilet, Bt does not get into my heart,
Allow Cod to 'ring someone who will lo?e and admire you
without you luring him, (emem'er, if you, and not Cod are
the ar4hite4t 'ehind the relationship, you will always ha?e
to maintain it,
D. on@t E#er Tr$ to Li#e wit+ a 7o$ 7e1a%'e 8o%
)ant to Aeep Him From &t+er'4
A?oid 4oha'iting or J4ome we stayK as is said in the
lo4al !ameroon parlan4e, Bt demeans you, 'eats down
your self1esteem and ma>es you an o'He4t of
e/ploitation, This is selfshness, A?oid itM

I. on@t Marr$ an !nbelie#er4
Bf you get married to an un'elie?er, it will shatter your
dreams of a happy life, arriage is 'eyond two
indi?iduals, Bt is a'out two >ingdoms uniting as one,
(emem'er, you 4annot ha?e Satan as your father1in1
law and refuse him entry into your home,
80

,J. on@t ate !nbelie#er'4
When you date un'elie?ers, you may end up falling in
lo?e and getting married to an un'elie?er, A?oid it
4ompletely,

7ibliograp+$
Angels on Assignment, !harles and Fran4es Hunter,
Hunter .oo>s, %;7;
Attaining a Fulflling arriage Life, FC oly>o, #$$;
First Things First, Stephen !o?ey, A, (oger erril and
(e'e44a (, erril, Simon and S4huster LK Ltd, %;;:
Cod is A at4h1a>er, Dere> Prin4e, Kingsway Pu'li4ations,
%;=9
@ourney to arriage, 2,A, Ade'oye, !hrist The
(edeemer+s inistries, %;;:
The Fi?e Lo?e Languages, Carry !hapman, Northfeld
Pu'lishing, !hi4ago, %;;#, %;;0,
Things B+d Wish B >new 'efore we got married, Carry
!hapman, Northfeld Pu'lishing , #$%$
Towards an Afri4an !hristian Premarital !ounselling,
!harlemagne , Ndimeteh, #$%%
Lnderstanding Lo?e and Se/ Series, The ail'o/
Bnternational, #$$7

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Tape'
Preparing for marriage 'y ensa -ta'il
Prod%1ti#e Li#ing In1.
82
7%$ t+e tr%t+ and 'ell it not ,,, Pro?, #&*#&
We trade in >nowledge, life+s s>ills, prin4iples and ?alues, We are
into human de?elopment, We de?elop people for e/ponential
produ4ti?ity,
We oGer se?eral ser?i4es that 4an usher you into your life+s
dream,

P%bli'+ing4 We 4an edit, layout, print and pu'lish your 'oo>s,
print your posters and hand'ills, sti4>ers, 'anners, et4,

Tran'lation O Interpretation 'er#i1e'
We 4an translate your 'oo>s into Fren4h or 2nglish and also
pro?ide interpretation ser?i4es where the need arises,

)riting4 Producti4e 5i4ing Series G)orld *+anger'
P%bli'+er';
)e ha?e a ?ariety of 'oo>s that 4an ta>e your life to the ne/t
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We are into Personal "e4elo&ment and 6m&o0erment, We
ha?e a diGerent range of seminars that will help in1rea'e $o%r
eP1ien1$ and prod%1ti#it$ in diGerent areas of your life,
Loo> at the range of seminars and wor>shops 'elow*

%, Goal Setting and Time Management
#, Finan1ial Empowerment and Entreprene%r'+ip
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:, Leader'+ip e#elopment
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*onta1t %' t+ro%g+ G/0?; ?5 63 ?I ?I or I3 D, D0 06


83

Speaking Engagement'

'f you want &em Martin to teach in your
church, ministry, organisation or enterprise on
any of the topics of his "ooks, call him through
the num"ers provided "elow
&em Martin also handles seminars on
leadership, singles, motivational and
inspirational talks, $nancial empowerment,
personal development, pu"lic speaking,
success motivation, goal9setting and time
management, etc
,ately &he ,ord opened his eyes on the
plight of the family and showed him that it is
(is heart "eat 'n o"edience to that vision, he
started organising Family 3nrichment
Seminars to help singles prepare for a
successful marriage, couples to enrich their
marriage relationship and parents to give their
children the motivational up"ringing that will
"ring glory to God and "ring out the "est from
the children
6ou may e:ually call us if you want these
seminars to "e organised in your church for
your singles or married people
&o avoid any clashes and ensure proper
programming, contacts should "e made well
ahead of time 7all a couple of months or
weeks "efore the program

%uthors1 Contact7
84

*onta1t G/0?; ?5 63 ?I ?IQ I3 D, D0 06
Email4 temmartin,R$a+oo.1om



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