11 Love Lessons Every Mother Should

Teach Her Daughter

Get tips for talking about relationships with your child from
our sister site WomansDay.com.
BY JENNA BIRH
There are certain lessons only a mother can teach. A grandmother may not be as
relatable, and a sister may not have enough wisdom which is why its up to Mom to
initiate a heart-to-heart about matters of the heart. Although it can be a difficult subject
to broach, your greatest gift to your daughter might just be the nowledge to face
tough times and come out stronger. !ere are the "" most important things young
women need to now about love, and how to e#plain them.
1. You are enough. $%f ever there were a message daughters need to hear from their
moms, its this,& says self-esteem and confidence guru 'ess (einer, author of Life
Doesn't Begin Five Pounds From Now. $)elieving you are enough means
remembering that nothing in you needs to change to be loved.* Teach your daughter
that anyone who tries to convince her otherwise isnt right for her, and someone who
doesnt see her worth hasnt earned a place in her life.
2. You cant get respect unless you first give it. And that goes for not just
significant others but also friends and family. $+ou must model the respect you see in
a partner,* (einer says. $(hen you care for your body feed it well, rest it well, treat
it well then you will more naturally be drawn to someone who will do the same.*
3. Dont lose yourself in a relationship. ,alling in love can cause a woman to fall out
of sync with who she is without her other half. $-ont let your own insecurity or your
relationship stop you from living the life you deserve,* says (einer. .emind your
daughter to eep her interests, friends and alone time. /he needs them all to lead a
happy life and continue to feel fulfilled whether or not the relationship lasts. $Theres
plenty of room for self-love and romantic love,* adds (einer.
4. Your body deserves pleasure. %f you dont teach this, who will0 $Moms dont tal
about this enough,* says (einer. $1ur bodies arent just objects to be pursued and
desired by our partners. They are ours to enjoy, e#plore and feel e#periences fully.*
Taling positively about se# doesnt encourage promiscuity lie silence can, (einer
e#plains. /o when her body begins to change, remind her that she deserves safe,
pleasurable e#periences when shes ready. $%t puts her in the drivers seat,* says
(einer.
5. Listen closely to potential and current partners. .emaining perceptive can save
her heartache. %f the guy shes interested in says he isnt looing for a girlfriend, tell her
to believe him. %f he snaps at his mother, she should tae note. $%f you notice a person
being unind to someone else, dont fool yourself into thining it will be different with
you,* says (einer. 1ften, people show and tell everything you need to now. .emind
her not to tric herself into believing she nows $what he really means* instead.
6. nter and stay in a relationship for the right reasons. Mothers must teach their
daughters true love is about affection, selflessness and generosity. %f those 2ualities
arent there, neither should she be. $3oneliness, reenacting the past, outside pressure
or shared friends arent reasons to stay with someone,* says marriage and family
therapist !arin "oldstein. $-ont wait until your daughter is in a crisis to give this
advice.* !elp her learn how to recogni4e signs she shouldnt stay with someone before
she has to mae that decision.
#. $no% %hat you %ant and stay true to that. /ometimes relationships loo right
on the surface, but feel wrong deep down. Maybe shes not getting out of it what shes
putting in, or she simply feels somethings missing. Tell her to understand her wants
and convey them, so she can fi# issues or move on. $/he must have a strong sense of
self, not try to be what the other person wants her to be,* 5oldstein says.
&. 'ecogni(e heartbrea)s benefits. +our daughter will never need your advice, and
shoulder, more than when shes broenhearted. .emind her that its 16 to feel pain, but
a breaup can be a lesson in itself. $7othing teaches a woman more about herself than
losing love,* says 'aime Morrison 8urtis, author of Prudent Advice: Lessons for My
Baby Daughter, A Life List for very !oman. $!ow she handles her first breaup
will shape her future relationships in a profound way. /he will learn what shes willing to
accept, what she really needs and when and how to let go.*
*. +nything you chase after runs. Teach your daughter not to desperately pursue9
love will arrive when its ready. $The heart wants what it wants, but it often sabotages
itself with impatience,* says 8urtis. $-ogs run away when chased, and so do people.
:veryone needs room to breathe.* .unning after someone who doesnt want to be
caught could damage her dignity and hurt her chances of finding a partner. Acting
prudently, though, can only mae her more desirable.
1,. -f you test so.eone/ he .ay fail you. -ont administer litmus tests as
measures of a persons love. $Testing is a sign of ones own fear and insecurity,* says
8urtis. $(hile opening up to the nuances of sharing your life with someone is scary,
thats also what maes love rewarding.* The eyword here is trust; Teach your daughter
to trust her significant other, the strength of the relationship and herself. .emind her
she was born with good instincts. That self-confidence will set her up for healthy
relationships.
11. 0ost fairy tales %ere %ritten by .en. The )rothers 5rimm, !ans 8hristian
Andersen and (alt -isney tried convincing girls to wait for a handsome rescuer. )ut the
women in those beloved stories were $crafted by a different se# at a different time for a
different audience,* says 8urtis. Tell your daughter not to model her life after 8inderella.
&Theres no shame in enjoying a fairytale, but see these stories as opportunities to
teach your daughter that real love is complicated, and comes in all different forms,&
says 8urtis. .emind her she carries e2ual weight with her other half, and she can &slay
the dragon herself,& 8urtis adds.