The Not Un-Official Trolls Day File

1NC
Zombie-Imperialism K
Zombification is increasing over the globe, the apocalypse is coming
Huffington Post 2012[Zombie Apocalypse: CDC Denies Existence Of Zombies Despite Cannibal Incidents Posted: 06/01/2012
11:15 am Updated: 06/01/2012 3:50 pm http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/01/cdc-denies-zombies
existence_n_1562141.html?utm_hp_ref=zombie-apocalypse]

The horrific face-eating arrest in Miami and several other seemingly subhuman acts has many people
wondering what's behind this flesh-munching wave of terror. A zombie apocalypse, however, is not
what we should be worried about, at least according to the federal government. Over the years the
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has released a couple of tongue-in-cheek "zombie
warnings," which really are just disaster-preparedness stunts. But on Thursday, the agency made it official:
Zombies don't exist. "CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present
zombie-like symptoms)," wrote agency spokesman David Daigle in an email to The Huffington Post. Nevertheless, recent
incidents in which humans reportedly ate human flesh have the Internet in a firestorm, with "zombie
apocalypse" being Google's third most popular search term by Friday morning. The zombie craze seemed to
start with an attack in Miami on Saturday, when Rudy Eugene, 31, was killed by cops while in the process of eating almost the entirety of a
homeless man's face off. The victim, Ronald Poppo, miraculously survived, but doctors are having a hard time figuring out how to put his face
back together. ZOM-BIE: n. also ZOM-BIES pl. 1. An animated corpse that feeds on living human flesh. 2. A
voodoo spell that raises the dead. 3. A Voodoo snake god. 4. One who moves or acts in a daze "like a zombie." [a word of West African origin] -
Max Brooks, "The Zombie Survival Guide" Then, on Tuesday, 21-year-old Alexander Kinyua of Maryland allegedly admitted to dismembering his
roommate and then eating his heart and brain. Cops in Canada are also searching for a low-budget porn actor who allegedly killed a young man
with an ice pick, dismembered the body and then raped and ate flesh from the corpse. Luka Rocco Magnotta is being hunted after he allegedly
mailed some of the body parts to Ottawa. He's also accused of killing cats on video and posting the footage online. Gawker fingered a
"mysterious rash" breakout at a high school in Hollywood and other parts of Florida -- which hazmat
and disease control teams still can't explain -- as further proof that zombies are taking over. Zombie-
like characteristics have been confirmed in the animal kingdom, just not in humans. A newfound fungus in a Brazilian
rain forest -- called Ophiocordyceps camponoti-balzani -- is known to infect an ant, take over its brain so as to move the body to a good location
for growth, and then kill the insect. Yet Daigle dismissed "fictional viruses" like Ataxi c Neurodegenrative Satiety Deficiency Syndrome, noting
that other triggers have been alleged to cause zombie-like symptoms. "Films have included radiation as well as mutations of existing conditions
such as prions, mad-cow disease, measles, and rabies," he said. But recently, some have found truth stranger than
fiction. "Action must be taken now before an outbreak!" an anonymous reader told The Huffington
Post. "Zombies may be subdued by destroying the brain or removing the head. It is now your
responsibility to prevent the apocalypse."
Governments are covering up zombie outbreaks.
Atkison 2011 (David S. Atkinson, Director of Atkinson Word Press, DoP: March 23 2011, Government coverup of a Zobmie outbreak!)
We all know the zombie apocalypse is coming. Were not fools, were preparing- figuring out whether our displayed friends
on Facebook have the necessary skills to aid us in the inevitable horror. However, this article I found on the Comcast site is
trying to lull us into a false sense of security. It tries to suggest that Zombies Ahead messages on
road signs on Highway 160 near Fort Mill, South Carolina were actually the work of hackers instead of
serious warnings that needed to be heeded. This article cant fool me. Sure, blame the hackers. Yeah, somebody
just got into the signs control box and played a prank. Sure, there really isnt a zombie apocalypse up ahead on that
road. Well buy that. We wont go grab our chainsaws. Sure. Bullshit. This is obviously a cover-up. The
article is in on it and so is Ken Wilson of the South Carolina transportation department. They suggest
that hackers posted the warning and played similar pranks in Collinsville, Ill., and Austin, Texas. But,
of course they would say that. They dont want to panic the populace. Perhaps they even want the
zombies to eat our brains in order to have a better chance of escaping themselves. Were too smart for that, though. Someone
in the know snuck out a message and we wont let these government types hide the truth. Well heed the message. Sure, there were other messages warning to Watch Out for Hunters and Be Alert for Tanks, but this is clearly a
smokescreen. Once those in power saw that the message had gotten out they obviously posted a few fake messages to try to discredit the real original. But we know how they work. We didnt watch that many episodes of the X-
Files without learning something about outwitting government conspiracies. So dont be fooled. Its time to start stocking up on provisions, oiling up that chainsaw, and boarding the windows. Choose your
team carefully, the zombies are coming and the government is obviously just going to deny it and sell out
our brains. Remember, better dead than BRAINS! Oh, and dont pick up any slow moving hitchhikers on highway 160 near Fort Mill, South
Carolina.
The new US security agenda is to get involved in Central America solely to prevent
threats from escalating- the aff reinforces thisthe government will use the AFF as
part of its plan to strike preemptively in the fight against the zombie apocalypse
Jcome, Milet and Serbin, 5 [Francine, Contributor to the Canadian Foundation for the Americas,
Paz, Master in International Studies at the Universidad de Chile, Andres, Doctor of Political Science at
the Universidad Central de Venezuela, May, "Conflict Prevention, Civil Society and International
Organizations: The Difficult Path for Peace Building in Latin America and the Caribbean",
http://dspace.cigilibrary.org/jspui/bitstream/123456789/18399/1/Conflict%20Prevention%20Civil%20S
ociety%20and%20International%20Organizations%20The%20Difficult%20Path%20for%20Peace%20Buil
ding%20in%20Latin%20America%20and%20the%20Caribbean.pdf?1, Accessed July 23]

The debate over new security perspectives and the implementation of different subregional
mechanisms was affected by the events of 9/11 and its repercussions for global and hemispheric
security. Since then a series of changes shaped by the United States' vision and strategy got underway in
the hemisphere, marked by a return to a narrower definition of security that favours the legitimate
use of coercive force against terrorist threats and against drug-trafficking. This has triggered trends
towards there - militarization of security and the "securitization" of agendas as well as the eventual
prioritization of national security over regional security. It has also raised serious concerns about the
prevalence of human rights and the rule of law. September 11 presented an opportunity for the US
government to launch a new unilateral global strategy geared toward a rearrangement of the global
power structure and particularly, the geopolitical and geoeconomic environment in the Middle East. At
the same time, this unilateral tactic weakened and raised questions about the role of the UN and the
trend towards complex multilateralism and global governance (Serbin, 2003). This was particularly
evident during the invasion of Iraq. Likewise, it undermines the development of international law,
progress in global governance consolidation, human rights and the role of CSOs within the international
system. However, it should be noted that this shift toward more restrictive perspectives does not only
occur because of the influence of the new US security agenda, which revolves around the notions of
homeland security and pre-emptive war. As the Central American experience shows, the proliferation
of new threats has limited the ability of states to implement security agendas and has increased the
potential for the militarization of civilian responsibilities. As a result, there is currently a debate over
the need to formulate a narrower definition of security that overcomes the difficulties posed by the
broader perspective. In the context of the various security problems this is presented by an increasingly
complex social and political environment and hinders the implementation of focused, consistent and
effective policies.
In the wake of a zombie apocalypse the US will be a global hegemonic power
Nixon 10-Assistant Professor; Georgetown University (Daniel, Americas Triumph over the
Zombie Horde, Foreign Policy, September/October 2010,
http://www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2010/08/16/americas_triumph_over_the_zombie_horde)//AD
In his courageous attempt to bring rigor to our understanding of the zombie threat, Daniel Drezner commits the common error of reducing realism
to its balance-of-power variant ("Night of the Living Wonks," July/August 2010). He thus pays inadequate attention to the most likely
result of a zombie apocalypse: the re-emergence of empires as the dominant form of global
organization.
A zombie apocalypse would most certainly lead to profound transformations in the current order, but
in ways consistent with hegemonic-order theory, which sees the rise and fall of dominant powers as the most common
pattern in world politics. In the case of a zombie plague, the most likely outcome, for several reasons, is the
reassertion of U.S. power.
As Drezner suggests, "the strong will do what they can and the weak must suffer devouring by reanimated, ravenous corpses." Those
(re)emerging powers with relatively low state capacity -- such as Brazil, Russia, and India -- will soon succumb to the flesh-eating horde. The
United States and the other remaining major powers will protect themselves through indiscriminate
force -- quite possibly including nuclear strikes -- to prevent undead mass migration from overrun regions into
their territories. America's unmatched global-strike capabilities will lead most other remaining states to acquiesce to
U.S. leadership over the zone of the living.
The result will not, unfortunately, be Liberal Order 3.0, but a global Pax Americana supported by regional client-
empires tasked with controlling and eradicating local zombie eruptions. In time, we will see efforts to actively
settle zombie-controlled wastelands. In other words, the world will experience a macabre replay of 19th-century imperial expansion, but as
imagined in the dreams of the most virulently racist advocates of European imperialism -- those who saw indigenous populations as subhuman
monsters fit only for exploitation and destruction.

The impact is the colonization of being individuals are excluded from Western
history and rendered silent and eaten by zombieskills VTL
Mignolo 5 (Walter D., Ph.D. in Philosophy from the cole des Hautes tudes, Paris and
Professor of Literature and Romance Studies at Duke University, "The Idea of Latin
America," 2005, slim_)
Discovery and invention are not just different interpretations of the same event; they belong to two different
paradigms. The line that distinguishes the two paradigms is the line of the shift in the geo-politics of knowledge;
changing the terms and not only the content of the conversation. The first presupposes the triumphant European and
imperial perspective on world history, an achievement that was described as modernity, while the second reflects the critical
perspective of those who have been placed behind, who are expected to follow the ascending progress of a
history to which they have the feeling of not belonging. Colonization of being is nothing else than producing the idea that
certain people do not belong to history that they are non-beings. Thus, lurking beneath the European story of
discovery are the histories, experiences, and silenced conceptual narratives of those who were disqualified as
human beings, as historical actors, and as capable of thinking and understanding. In the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries the
wretched of the earth (as Frantz Fanon labeled colonized beings) were Indians and African slaves. That is why missionaries and men
of letters appointed themselves to write the histories they thought Incas and Aztecs did not have, and to write
the grammar of Kechua/Kichua and Nahuatl with Latin as the model. Africans were simply left out of the picture of conversion and taken as
pure labor force.

Burrito CP
Text: Give all citizens of _____________ giant burritos.
This solves VTL and prevents death, which outweighs and solves all their impacts,
without linking to the K. Also, if people cant die, there cant be zombies.
The Onion 13 (Giant Burrito To Solve All Of Area Mans Problems For 6 Precious Minutes,
November 7, http://www.theonion.com/articles/giant-burrito-to-solve-all-of-area-mans-problems-
f,34479/)//AD
GREENSBORO, NCAccording to sources at a local Qdoba, 31-year-old advertising sales associate Anthony Gerrit is about to
purchase an extra-large burrito that will completely resolve every concern, burden, and troublesome issue
in his life for six blissful minutes. Ill have a chicken burrito, please, said Gerrit, soon to be overcome with feelings of pure joy, without a care
in the world about his work performance or whether his coworkers like him. With some brown rice. And black beans, Gerrit added as the
burritowhich for the next few minutes will remove any expectations from his family to be as
successful as his other siblingswas slid over to the next employee in the food preparation line. Thanks. Reports
confirmed that upon taking his first bite of the Mexican delicacy at approximately 6:42 p.m., Gerrit will be instantly
liberated from having to pay any outstanding credit card bills, car payments, or monthly rent. Prior to
taking his final bite six minutes later, Gerrit will also be spared any guilt for not calling or visiting his parents more
often, and especially for his decision not to come home for Thanksgiving this year. Additionally, sources said, the
burrito and a medium soda will cost $7.84 and for 360 glorious seconds fully absolve Gerrit from his responsibility to
finish a major work project by next Mondays deadline, erase his $14,000 outstanding student loan debt, and
halt the declining health of his 82-year-old grandmother. Can I just get some pico de gallo and cheese? said Gerrit, selecting
toppings that will negate any pressure to settle down and start a family like many of his friends from high school and college. And a little bit of
sour cream. Actually, you know what, forget the sour creammake it guacamole instead, added Gerrit, removing his wallet to pay for the 7-
inch-long, 5-inch-wide temporary solution to all of his problems. Sources said the burrito will not only provide a resolution to the 31-year-olds
recent fight with his girlfriend over moving in together after the lease on his apartment runs out, but also completely erase any lingering questions
in his mind about whether their relationship has run its course. According to reports, as soon as Gerrit sits down in one of the restaurants
booths and begins eating, he will be immediately transported to a wondrous, perfect world in which any
and all of lifes difficulties are simply washed away, replaced instead by a warm flour tortilla tightly packed with chicken,
rice, beans, salsa, and vegetables. While consuming the meal, Gerrit will reportedly not even need a job or a girlfriend or money or an apartment
or a graduate degree or groceries or clean laundry or a new couch or a reliable internet connection or better health insurance or good credit or a
cheaper cell phone plan or allergy medication or a new pair of jeans that arent torn at the bottom or a flu shot or gas for his car or general
satisfaction with his life or, indeed, anything at all. Sorry, can you just add a little extra chicken before you close it? Its fine if it costs more,
said Gerrit, moving toward the cash register to collect his short-lived salvation from lifes inherent sadness, angst, fear, hopelessness, anger,
uncertainty, and pain. Thats perfect. At press time, after filling his cup with soda, sitting down, and peeling back his dinners aluminum foil
wrapper, Gerrit entered a world where in fact the only thing that existsthe only thing at allis one delicious, savory burrito.
2NC
K-Zombies Real
Zombies are real a mutated strain of malaria is reanimating its victims after death.
BBC5 (no author listed. Cambodian Troops Quarantine Quan'sul, 4/25/05.
Online@http://web.archive.org/web/20050428004220/http://65.127.124.62/south_asia/4483241.stm.
htm. Accessed 7/1/11)
The culprit was discovered to be mosquitoes native to that region carrying a new strain of Malaria
which thus far has a 100 percent mortality rating killing victims in fewer than 2 days. After death, this
virus is able to restart the heart of its victim for up to two hours after the initial demise of the person
where the individual behaves in extremely violent ways from what is believe to be a combination of
brain damage and a chemical released into blood during resurrection. Cambodian officials say that the outbreak
has been contained and the public has no need to worry. General Ary Serey had this to say, "We have obtained samples
of this new virus and plan to learn how it starts the heart and other major organs of the deceased. We
intend to use this to increase the quality of life for all." US Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice opposed
the plan saying that the Cambodian government holds a great biological weapon and should destroy it
immediately. Cambodian officials have yet to comment. A United Nations team will be dispatched to Cambodia to
confirm the safety of biological research in Cambodia.

Drug Cartels wreck Mexican Economy
Drug violence sucks
Duff and Rygler, 2011-Members of the Lauter Institute (Devon and Jen, Drug Trafficking, Violence,
and Mexicos Economic Future, Wharton (University of Pennsylvania), Jan. 26, 2011,
http://knowledge.wharton.upenn.edu/article.cfm?articleid=2695)//AD

The Mexican government's war against drugs has also affected the distribution of power among the cartels as they fight to gain the rights to
their now-weaker competitors' drug routes. This fighting is so extreme that it has resulted in alliances between certain cartels in order to
defeat others. For instance, La nueva federacin is an alliance that was formed recently between La Familia Michoacn, the Gulf Cartel,
and the Sinaloa Cartel.
Another likely explanation for the increase in drug-related violence is that the drug cartels are attempting to force the government to back
down by terrorizing the public. As a result, violence has now spilled beyond the cartels, embroiling Mexico's public and
creating an insecure environment within Mexico, especially for businesses. The cartels now use
various forms of violence against corporations -- from kidnappings to theft to extortion -- as a means
of gaining power and profit. Pemex, the state-owned petroleum company, has been a repeated target of the cartels. In 2010, the company
experienced multiple kidnappings and theft by the cartels and corrupt employees. Reuters estimates that Pemex loses
"US$750 million of fuel and oil from its pipelines each year" along with "valuable spare parts and
equipment."
The drug cartels challenge the viability of safe and secure business environments not only for large
companies such as Pemex but also for small business owners and average citizens. In July 2010, gunmen ambushed a birthday party in the
Mexican state of Coahuila, killing 17 people and injuring many more. Some sources believe these mass killings were the result of the
innkeeper's not paying the extortion fees that had been demanded of him. Clearly, the carnage of Mexico's drug war is now
affecting all strata of society -- from impoverished migrants to the wealthiest elite and from neighborhood
businesses to Mexico's largest firms.