One-in-a-Million WOMAN

One-in-a-Million WOMAN
BONUS MODULE 9
Getting Over a Break-Up A-Z Quick Guide
A.
Allow yourself to cry and grieve after analyzing your role in the relationship break up
analysis tool examine each one of those emotions
B.
Become the type of lover that you want
C.
Commit to loving yourself
D.
D !" Call #our $x for at least %& days
''if you can make it to %& days (and #) CA!*+ then you will make it without your ex
$.
$at right and exercise
,.
,igure out the kind of person you want
-.
-ive time and attention to other people find a child to love
..
.ope that you/ll feel better soon
0.
0nvest in yourself
1.
1ust take it one day at a time
2.
2eep a 3ournal about your feelings
4.
4earn about dating
One-in-a-Million WOMAN
you/ll be more confident
5.
5ake time for dating yourself
!.
!ever think that you won/t get over this relationship break up because you will
.
pen up to someone6 anyone
7.
7lease yourself
8.
8uit thinking about what you lost. ,ocus on what you have.
9.
9emind yourself how awesome you are
:.
:mile and be nice to yourself
".
"alk about the good in your life
).
)se this time to get hot; healthy; and happy
<.
<isualize the type of relationship you want
=.
=atch the way you/re dealing with the relationship break up
>.
>'amine your fears6 the other side of them is where your love lies
#.
#ou will find love again. .old that thought in your mind.
?.
?one out when you need to
One-in-a-Million WOMAN
Dealing wit L!neline"" --- S#E$%AL &E#O&'
() % (r!te 'i" B!!k



=elcome; my dear readers*

0f you are feeling lonely as you are reading this; you are not alone. "he reason why 0
put this book together is because 0 know what it is like. 4oneliness is a topic that is very
close to my heart because 0 have been through the depths of empty; meaningless
feelings many times and 0 am not new to that kind of feeling.

0 have felt every gripping moment of it. "he long; long hours which seems like days;
the lonely nights where 0 weep in silence; drenching my pillow salty with tears; the
lack of desire to face the next day and the thought of wanting to end it all*

0t doesn/t matter if you have a boyfriend or husband. !o matter how close you are
with them; there are parts of you that they 3ust don/t understand* "he pain doesn/t
fade after confiding with your best friend; your group of buddies; or even your
counselor* !obody seems to understand you yet you want them to feel your pain.

0 empathize with you; my friend. 0 truly do.

But 0 have good news for all of us lonely hearts out there. 0 have survived through and
0 have a way to solve it if not ease the pain at least.

5y stories and writings in this book aim to accomplish a few things@

)nderstanding the theory behind loneliness to better understand yourself
)nderstanding the feelings associated with loneliness
Developing a healthy feeling of love to help you overcome problems
One-in-a-Million WOMAN
7ractical steps to break the lonely cycle
9eplace the feeling of loneliness with healthy thoughts

0t is my sincere wish that after you read this book; you will be better eAuipped to cope
with loneliness. $ven if you don/t feel lonely; maybe you know someone who is. )se
this information to help them and make their world a better place.
One-in-a-Million WOMAN
All Al!ne*




$veryone in the world has felt this emotion one time or another. $specially in these
times rapid technological growth the feeling of loneliness is rapidly increasing.

,irstly; we must clarify what loneliness means.

L!neline"" is an emotional state. "his is a state where people experience a
disconnection from people around them as well as a deep feeling of emptiness;
which renders their present company around them meaningless.

"hat person could be in a big crowd or by herself; married or single; young or old.
"hey basically find it very hard to connect with others and experiences emancipation
from meaningful relationships.

"his is not to be confused with being al!ne.

Being alone does not eAuate to being lonely because sometimes it is good for a
person to be alone and at times it could be very refreshing as the person has the
opportunity to refresh; recuperate and rediscover part of our lives.

=hat are the common symptoms of being alone; if you are reading this bookB 0 bet
you might be feeling one of these symptoms.

#ou think your problems are so uniAue that other people do not understand
As a result; you feel that other people in the world has friends and you don/t
#ou feel extremely self'conscious in everything you do
#ou feel that when you do something wrong; you get extremely embarrassed
=hen you are in a crowd; you feel drowned by their voices
#ou feel disconnected with the crowd even though you are with them
,eeling shy and scared of others
$xperiencing low self'esteem
One-in-a-Million WOMAN
,eeling angry; defensive and critical at everything even if it is not directed at
you
Afraid of strangers and refuse to talk to engage in a hearty conversation
Being convinced there is something wrong with you
,eeling anxious and sad believing no one knows how miserableCisolated you
feel
4osing your capacity to be assertiveD feeling EinvisibleE
9efusing to accept change and don/t want to try anything new
,eeling as though nothing else matters and contemplating suicide
One-in-a-Million WOMAN
$r!wded +et %"!lated




$ver had that feeling that your man 3ust doesn/t understand youB #our spouse or
significant other is right beside you yet it doesn/t fill that gap.

#ou may be surrounded by many people; yet their company Fdrowns/ you deeper
into loneliness*

7eople feel that way because we are all uniAue and different. #ou see@

"here is no one in the entire universe that will have the same personality; ideas; way of
life and needs like you. !!$* !ot even twins* .ow can anyone fulfill all those needs
to cater every individualB

"here us a Auote from the bible that says if 0 try to remove the speck from my
neighbor/s eye; 0 must first remove the plank from my =! eye then 0 can see clearly
before 0 attempt to remove his speck.

,!w d!e" ti" appl)-

By understanding that other people are not obliged to fulfill our needs; we somehow
learn to expect less from others and it eases the pain; because we stop expecting
more from others* =e learn to accept them better and 3udge others less so it creates
the first step to curing loneliness giving others slack*

9emember that we are the sum of the five people we spend most of our time with.

0f you are mixing with a crowd that is negative and makes you feel down all the time;
it is no surprise why you are lonely and negative. 0t is no surprise that children move
One-in-a-Million WOMAN
out from their homes away from negative parents or stop interacting with certain
groups of friends all together. Don/t let the poison drain your energy.
One-in-a-Million WOMAN
E.!ti!nal #ain" in a l!vele"" (!rld




.ow does the agony of loneliness seem to penetrate the hearts of men and women
throughout the worldB $ven superstars who have been the icon of generations and
admired by millions feel unfulfilled (e.g. Janis Joplin, Kurt Cobain+

"he feeling of loneliness is radically due to the failure of man in loving others. "he
symptoms of loneliness magnetize the effects of the pain to the extent that it forces
the focus of attention more on ourselves and creates a self'preoccupation that
creates an obstacle to love others.

$ver had a stomachacheB =ho are you thinking of at that momentB

"his illustrates the point that we are only thinking of ourselves. 0t shows a terribly pain
filled world in which we live in.

,urthermore; the pain does go away like a stomachache. "he so called 5id'life crisis
is turning more into a Fyoung adult/ crisis now with suicide rates hitting the roof and
most diseases in the world today mentally induced or cured in psychiatric wards.

"he basis of trust between people is eroding and less and less people are opening up
to one another. By failing to open up to others; the lonely symptoms spring up as
other people will not open up to you if you do not open yourself to others first.

0t is said that if you want to be surrounded by friends; be a friend to others first.
One-in-a-Million WOMAN
L!ve / 'e 0er12 N!t 'e 3eeling




4ove; or rather the lack of it constitutes the loneliness breeding in a person/s heart. 0t is
a scary fact to note that we are largely shaped by others (remember the sum of five
people we spend most of our time with+ who hold our destiny in ".$09 hands.

=e are what we are today a product of those who loved us or have refused to love
us.

4ove gives life to others. But what is most important is to remember is that in order to
love someone else effectively; we must love ourselves first* #ou can/t give what you
don/t have*

#ou may think you Flove/ a beautiful girl or a handsome guy if you don/t love yourself
(there is a song that goes@ I am nobody until I met you or my life is meaningless until
you came into the picture) but that is not love.

#ou may admire that person because he or she is good looking; you may worship
that person because you think he or she is better; you may even sacrifice your life for
him or her for your own selfish; self'gratifying ego; but you do not love.

4ove is a verb. 0t is an action. "he feeling of Flove/ is actually a product of the verb or
action. By loving yourself first; it forms the basis or foundation by which you love others
without which it is merely a baseless act of self'deception that appears to be loving.

But how do we love ourselves if we have never been lovedB 0n the next chapter we
will explore this area.
One-in-a-Million WOMAN
Learning ,!w t! L!ve




.ow do 0 take the first step to deal with lonelinessB By learning to love. But first we
must examine the paradox to love.

=hen we are lonely; we feel like we are in an unbearable prison. By its very nature of
loneliness is 3ust like the stomach ache the attention centers only on ourselves. :o we
try and fill this emptiness by finding others who will give us that very love we need.

7eople often try to do things for others to gain their love. "hey barter trade favors with
each other thinking that they are loving people. =e know that our loneliness can only
be filled by the love of others and therefore we must feel loved by others.

'e parad!4 !5 l!ve i" ti"6

0f we seek to fill the void of our own loneliness in seeking love from others; we will
inevitably find no consolation but only a deeper desolation. 0n other words; if we seek
the love that we need; we will never find it.

=hen a person orients his life towards the satisfaction of his own needs; when he goes
out to seek the love which he needs; he is basically self'centered; no matter how
pitiful he is. As long as he focuses on himself; his ability to love will always remain
stunted.

(at i" te "!luti!n ten-

0f a person seeks not to receive love; but rather to give it without strings attached; he
will become lovable and he will most certainly be loved by others in the end.

One-in-a-Million WOMAN
=e must stop being concerned with ourselves and begin to be concerned with
others. Beginning with the end in mind which focuses the results of the act of love
others without concerned with self'gain; is the first step to gaining love and easing the
pain of loneliness.

$very single person on earth has some capacity to love.

=e all have some ability to focus the attention off ourselves to the needs and
concern of others. 0t is the extent that we are willing to give; are we able to receive
that amount of love from others.

Deciding to love others with no strings attached is like a donation (we don/t expect
anything in return; not even a satisfied ego or relieved guilt+; not a barter trade. (en
we a"k !ter"2 7(at ave )!u d!ne 5!r .e-8 we ave 5ailed t! l!ve9

$ven if at the beginning you are only able to love little; you will be loved little. "hat
very love will empower you to grow and produce more love and in return receive
greater love from others.

But always remember that in making this self'donation or self'sacrifice; our minds must
always be focused away from ourselves or it wouldn/t work.
One-in-a-Million WOMAN
'e Law" !5 Attracti!n




GAs a (wo+man thinks; so is (s+he.H

$ver wonder why certain people get the polite; respectful; GGood Morning, SirH; and
others get the; Gey !udH or Gey, MacH kind of treatmentB

"hink for a moment; now.

=hat is the difference between "onald #rump and a beggar besides a few billion
dollars and a couple of skyscrapersB

"he answer@ "he mushy inside your head.

#ou see; the way people react to you is due to the way you think about yourself. =hy
do you think people 3udge a book by its cover or a bad kind by the clothes he wearsB
0 know it is unfair; but the way a person thinks in his heart; he will appear or even live
out what he is thinking*

"he 4aw of Attraction is not something newI it is the way things are. 0t is evident in
5urphy/s 4aw the things we most don/t want to happen to often happens to us;
that is why a dropped buttered toast always land on the wrong side*

$ven as a child in school; 0 have always hoped that when 0 saw sitting in class; and 0
didn/t know how to answer a Auestion the teacher asked; 0 always whispered in my
heart; G"on$t pic% me& '()*S), don$t pic% meH and the teacher always did. 0t didn/t
matter where 0 was sitting; the teacher had this mind reading ability that knew 0 didn/t
know the answer or wasn/t paying attention.

One-in-a-Million WOMAN
.ow does this apply to overcoming lonelinessB

0f you Fpro3ect/ an aura of unwantedness; you will feel unwanted and your friends will
re3ect you unconsciously. :top acting like a wet; unwanted puppy who 3ust escaped
from the pound.

:ay to yourself; G+ou find me attractive, loveable and good company.H 0t is true we
can/t always convince ourselves that we are lovable; attractive and people love
being around us.

But since we can/t control what others think; this form of affirmation actually fools our
mind into thinking =$ A9$ lovable and attractive.

"ry it and see*
One-in-a-Million WOMAN
#ractical Step" '! Overc!.e L!neline""




"here are a number of ways to begin dealing with loneliness that involve the need to
develop friendships; doing things for yourself; or learning to feel better about yourself
in general.


J $!n"tantl) re.ind )!ur"el5 tat te 5eeling !5 l!neline"" i" 'EM#O&A&+ and you
will get over it in time

J Make an e55!rt t! talk t! "!.e!ne NE(. 0 know it is hard; but you must develop
momentum and the first step is usually the hardest but most necessary.

J #ut )!ur"el5 in new "ituati!n" were )!u will .eet pe!ple. $ngage in activities in
which you have genuine interest. 5eet with people of similar interest

J 1oin societies like church groups; organizations and others

J S'O# li"tening t! l!nel) "!ng" (e.g. *ll by Myself , Celine "ion+

J O#EN )!ur"el5 t! !ter" 5ir"t. Don/t expect people to share their problems with a
closed person

J D!n:t ;udge new pe!ple !n te 1a"i" !5 pa"t relati!n"ip" wit !ld pe!ple. "ry to
see each person you meet from a new perspective instead of bring 3udgmental.

J %nti.ate 5riend"ip" u"uall) devel!p graduall) a" pe!ple learn t! "are teir
inner 5eeling". Don/t rush into intimate friendship by sharing too much or expecting
that others will.

J D!n:t ;u"t "eek r!.antic relati!n"ip". 7latonic or even casual buddies can be
One-in-a-Million WOMAN
extremely satisfactory.

J Lead a well 1alanced li5e. !ever neglect good nutrition; exercise and sufficient
sleep. ne of the main causes of depression which leads to loneliness; is the lack of
those things.

J Spending ti.e al!ne will help you examine yourself more closely.

J D!n:t 1e a para"ite t! )!ur 5riend". 0f you seek them for compassion and
sympathy; they will be there for you. But if you repeatedly drone over and over about
your problems; it becomes a nuisance and your friends will at best 3ust entertain you.

J &e5lect 1ack !n g!!d .e.!rie" and count your blessings.

J Learn a new "kill. :uccess in achieving something will make you feel good
about yourself.

J 05 )!u are aving l!ng ter. depre""i!n2 it i" n!t wr!ng t! "eek MED%$AL advice.

J See a c!un"el!r and talk in privacy.

J Spend ti.e in pra)er !r .editati!n.
One-in-a-Million WOMAN
Breaking te De"tructive $)cle




A word of caution@

D!n:t act like a er! 1ecau"e )!u are l!nel)9

#ou may be surprised. :elf'pity is a subtle form of pride. 7roud people glory in their
achievements while people who self'pity glory in their sufferings.

0t is really dangerous to dwell too long in loneliness because we are created to have
relationships with one another.

0t is a strong part of human nature that cannot be erased. 0f you grew up living alone
in a 3ungle; you will most probably interact with animals or plants and talk to them in
your own language.

J "he greatest worry is when someone dwells too long in their loneliness these few
things can happen.

J "he loneliness addict shun all attempts to reconnect rendering their people
around them lots of pain when their efforts to help the person gets re3ected.

J "he relationships around them slowly crumbles and when people start to ignore
the lonely person; they will feel more 3ustified when they finally exclaim; G4ook at
themI 0 was right all along that they never cared for me at all*H

J "he loneliness addict eventually gets immune to the pain and embraces
loneliness as a way of life. .e is too lazy to change.

.is disease spread to other Fsurvivors/.
One-in-a-Million WOMAN

'i" "!uld .!tivate )!u en!ug t! take acti!n9 D!n:t wait2 d! it NO(*

.ere is an interesting Auote@

Loneliness was the first thing that God's eye named not good.

' 1ohn 5ilton
One-in-a-Million WOMAN
3inding Our #urp!"e in te (ilderne""




.ere is a story designed to motivate you. =hen the dust settles and we have made
all the money in the world; reached the height of fame and obtained the epitome of
power; what gives us true meaning in lifeB

5any living things need each other to survive. 0f you have ever seen a Colorado
aspen tree; you may have noticed that it does not grow alone. Aspens are found in
clusters; or groves.
"he reason is that the aspen sends up new shoots from the roots. 0n a small grove; all
of the trees may actually be connected by their roots*
-iant California redwood trees may tower K&& feet into the sky. 0t would seem that
they would reAuire extremely deep roots to anchor them against strong winds. But
weDre told that their roots are actually Auite shallow '' in order to capture as much
surface water as possible. And they spread in all directions; intertwining with other
redwoods.
4ocked together in this way; all the trees support each other in wind and storms. 4ike
the aspen; they never stand'alone. "hey need one another to survive.
#e!ple2 t!!2 are c!nnected 1) a ")"te. !5 r!!t"9 (e are 1!rn t! 5a.il) and learn
earl) t! .ake 5riend"9 (e are n!t .eant t! "urvive l!ng wit!ut !ter"9
And like the redwood; we need to hold one another up. =hen pounded by the
sometimes vicious storms of life; we need others to support and sustain us.
Have you been going it alone? Maybe it's time to let someone else help hold you up
for a while. Or perhaps someone needs to hang on to you.
''' Aut!r Unkn!wn ---
One-in-a-Million WOMAN
Li5e Still ,a" A Meaning




0 will end this book with a poem. 9ead this a few times and let the meaning sink in.

%5 tere i" a 5uture tere i" ti.e 5!r .ending-
'i.e t! "ee )!ur tr!u1le" c!.ing t! an ending9
Li5e i" never !pele"" !wever great )!ur "!rr!w-
%5 )!u<re l!!king 5!rward t! a new t!.!rr!w9
%5 tere i" ti.e 5!r wi"ing ten tere i" ti.e 5!r !ping-
(en tr!ug d!u1t and darkne"" )!u are 1lindl) gr!ping9
'!ug te eart 1e eav) and urt )!u .a) 1e 5eeling-
%5 tere i" ti.e 5!r pra)ing tere i" ti.e 5!r ealing9
S! i5 tr!ug )!ur wind!w tere i" a new da) 1reaking-
'ank G!d 5!r te pr!.i"e2 t!ug .ind and "!ul 1e acing2
%5 wit arve"t !ver tere i" grain en!ug 5!r gleaning-
'ere i" a new t!.!rr!w and li5e "till a" .eaning9

L Author unknownL


'ake care and ave a w!nder5ul li5e*

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