A-W-F Unlimited

Frank Herbert, 1961

The morning the space armor problem fell into the agencys lap, !"en #$erest
had breakfast at her reg%lar resta%rant, an a%tomated single-niche place catering to
bachelor girls& Her order popped o%t of the slot onto her table, and immediately the
tabletop pro'ecta-men% s"itched to selling (nterdormas ne"est (nterpreti$e Telelog&
)o%r o"n pri$ate dream translator* The secret companion to e$ery ne%rosis*
!"en stared at the inch-high "ords doing a skitter dance abo$e her fried eggs&
+he had "ritten that copy& Her food beneath the ad looked s%ddenly tasteless& +he
p%shed the plate a"ay&
Along the speed"alk into ,anhattan a you-seeker, its roboflier senses
programmed to her s%sceptibilities, fle" beside her ear& (t "as selling a years s%pply
of !eramyl - the breakfast drink that helps yo% -(.# longer*
(n s%dden anger, she t%rned on the roboflier, "hispered a code phrase she had
"heedled from an engineer "ho ser$iced the things& The roboflier darted %p"ard in
s%dden erratic flight, crashed into the side of a b%ilding&
A small break in her control& A beginning&
Waiting for !"en along the pri$ate corridor to the +ingle-master, H%cksting and
/attlemont e0ec%ti$e offices "ere displays from the recent 1eligion of the ,onth
2l%b campaign& +he ran a gam%t of adecals, layo%ts, slogans, pro'os, 3%artersheets,
skinnies& The "orks&
+%bscribe no" and get these religions absol%tely F1##* 2omplete te0t of the
/lack ,ass pl%s Abridged ,ysticism*
+he "as forced to "alk thro%gh an adecal anno%ncing4 5ont be Half +afe*
/elie$e in #$erything* Are yo% s%re that African /ant% Witchcraft is not the Tr%e
Way6
At the t%rn of the corridor stood a male-female graphic "ith flesh-stim%lant
skinnies and s%pered $oices, Find peace thro%gh Tantrism&
The skinnies made her flesh cra"l&
!"en fled into her office, sl%mped into her desk chair& With mo%nting horror, she
reali7ed that she had either "ritten or s%per$ised the "riting of e$ery "ord,
prod%ced e$ery selling idea along that corridor&
The interphon on her desk emitted its fl%ted !ood morning& +he slapped the
blacko%t s"itch to keep-the instr%ment from prod%cing an image& The last thing she
"anted no" "as to see one of her co-"orkers&
Who is it6 she barked&
!"en6 8o mistaking that $oice4 Andre /attlement, bottom name on the agency
totem&
What do yo% "ant6 she demanded&
9%r !"enny is feeling nasty this morning, isnt she6
9h, Fre%d* +he slapped the disconnect, leaned for"ard "ith elbo"s on the desk,
p%t her face in her hands& Let's face it, she tho%ght, I'm 48, unmarried, and a prime
mover in an industry that's strangling the universe. I'm a professional strangler.
!ood morning, fl%ted the interphon&
+he ignored it&
A strangler, she said&
!"en recogni7ed the basic problem here& +he had kno"n it since childhood& Her
%ni$erse "as a contin%al replaying of The #mperors 8e" +%it& +he sa" the
nakedness&
!ood morning fl%ted the interphon&
+he dropped her right hand a"ay from her face, flicked the s"itch& 8o" "hat6
5id yo% c%t me off, !"en6
What if ( did6
!"en, please* We ha$e a problem&
We al"ays ha$e problems&
/attlemonts $oice dropped one octa$e& !"en& This is a /ig problem&
Uncanny the way he can speak capital letters, she tho%ght& +he said4 !o a"ay&
)o%$e been lea$ing yo%r (nterdorma t%rned off* acc%sed /attlemont& )o%
m%stnt& 8e%rosis can creep %p on yo%&
(s that "hy yo% called me6 she asked,
9f co%rse not&
Then go a"ay&
/attlemont did a thing then that e$eryone from +inglemaster on do"n kne" "as
dangero%s to try "ith !"en #$erest& He p%shed the o$erride to send his image
dancing abo$e her interphon&
After the momentary flash of anger, !"en correctly interpreted the act as one of
desperation& +he fo%nd herself intrig%ed& +he stared at the ro%nd face, the pale eyes
:definitely too small, those eyes;, the p%g nose and "ide gash of mo%th abo$e
almost no chin at all&
<l%s the hairline in f%ll retreat&
Andre, yo% are a mess, she said&
He ignored the ins%lt& +till speaking in the %rgency octa$e, he said4 ( ha$e called
a f%ll staff meeting& )o% m%st attend at once&
Why6
There are t"o military people in there, !"en& He g%lped& (ts desperate& #ither
"e sol$e their problem or they "ill r%in %s& They "ill draft e$ery man in the agency*
#$en yo%6=
)es*
+he mo$ed her right hand to"ard the interphons emergency disconnect& !ood-
by, Andre&
!"en* ,y !od* )o% cant let me do"n at a time like this*
Why not6
He spoke in breathless haste& Well raise yo%r salary& A bon%s& A bigger office&
,ore help&
)o% cant afford me no", she said&
(m begging yo%, !"en& ,%st yo% ab%se me6
+he closed her eyes, tho%ght4 he insects! he damned little insects with their
crummy emotions! "hy can't I tell them all to go to composite hell# +he opened her
eyes, said4 Whats the militarys flap6
/attlement mopped his forehead "ith a pastel bl%e handkerchief& (ts the +pace
+er$ice, he said& The female branch& The W9,+& #nlistments ha$e fallen to almost
nothing&
+he "as interested in spite of herself& Whats happened6
+omething to do "ith the space armor& ( dont kno"& (m so %pset&
Why ha$e they tossed it into o%r laps like this6 The %ltimat%m, ( mean&
/attlemont glanced left and right, leaned for"ard& The grape$ine has it theyre
testing a ne" theory that creati$e people "ork better %nder e0treme stress&
The <sychological /ranch again, she said& =Those 'ackasses*
/%t "hat can "e do6
Hoist em, she said& )o% r%n along to the conference&
And yo%ll be there, !"en6
(n a fe" min%tes&
5ont delay too long, !"en& Again he mopped his forehead "ith the bl%e
handkerchief& !"en, (m frightened&
And "ith good reason& +he s3%inted at him& ( can see yo% no"4 8othing on b%t a
lead loincloth, d%mping f%el into a radioacti$e f%rnace& Fre%d, "hat a pict%re*
=This is no 'oke, !"en*
( kno"&
)o% are going to help6
(n my o"n pec%liar "ay, Andre& +he hit the emergency disconnect&
Andre /attlemont t%rned a"ay from his interphon, crossed his office to a gen%ine
,oslem prayer r%g& He sat do"n on it facing the floor-to-ceiling "indo"s that looked
east"ard across midto"n ,anhattan& This "as the 1>?9th floor of the +tars of +pace
b%ilding, and it "as 3%ite a $ie" o%t there "hene$er the clo%ds lifted& /%t the city
remained hidden beneath a lo" ceiling this morning& Up here it "as s%nny, tho%gh -
e0cept in /attlements mood& A fear-cycle %l%lated along his ner$es&
What he "as doing on the prayer r%g "as practicing )oga breathing to calm those
ner$es& The military co%ld "ait& They had to "ait& The fact that he faced the general
direction of ,ecca "as left o$er from t"o months before& )oga "as a month old&
There "as al"ays some carry-o$er&
/attlemont had 'oined the 1eligion of the ,onth 2l%b almost a year ago - sed%ced
by his o"n agencys deep moti$ation campaign pl%s the /rotherhood 2o%ncils seal of
appro$al& This month it "as the 1einspired 8eo-2%lt of +t Fre%d& A test adecal
s%perimposed itself on the clo%d-floor $ie" beneath him& (t began playing the latest
!"en-#$erest-inspired pitch of the (/,a%sole%m& !iant rainbo" letters danced
across the fleecy backgro%nd&
,ake yo%r ad$ice immortal* -et %s store yo%r $oice and tho%ght patterns in
e$erlasting electronic memory circ%its* When yo% are gone, yo%r lo$ed ones may
listen to yo%r $oice as yo% ans"er their 3%estions e0actly the "ay yo% "o%ld most
likely ha$e ans"ered them in -ife*
/attlemont shook his head& The agency, fearf%l of its dependence on the li$e
!"en #$erest, had secretly recorded her at a staff conference once& .ery illegal& The
%nions "ere death on it& /%t the (/,a%sole%m had broken do"n "ith the first
3%estion p%t to !"ens ghost-$oice&
+ome people ha$e tho%ght patterns that are too comple0 to permit acc%rate
psyche-record, the engineer e0plained&
/attlemont did not del%de himself& The sole geni%s of the agencys three o"ners
lay in recogni7ing the geni%s of !"en #$erest& +he was the agency&
(t "as like riding the tiger to ha$e s%ch an employee& +ingle-master, H%cksting
and /attlemont had ridden this tiger for @@ years& /attlemont closed his eyes,
pitched her in his mind4 a tall, lean "oman, b%t "ith a certain grace& Her face "as
long, dominated by cold bl%e eyes, framed in "a$es of a%b%rn hair& +he had a "it
that co%ld slash yo% to ribbons, and that priceless commodity4 the geni%s to p%ll
selling sense o%t of %tter conf%sion& /attlemont sighed&
He "as in lo$e "ith !"en #$erest& Had been for @@ years& (t "as the reason he
had ne$er married& His (nterdorma e0plained that it "as beca%se he "anted to be
dominated by a strong "oman& /%t that only e0plained& (t didnt help&
For a moment, he tho%ght "istf%lly of +inglemaster and H%cksting both taking
their ann%al three-month $acation at the geriatrics center on 9ah%& /attlemont
"ondered if he dared ask !"en to take her $acation "ith him& A%st once&
8o&
He reali7ed "hat a pitif%l fig%re he made on the prayer r%g& <%dgy little man in a
rather %nattracti$e bl%e s%it&
Tailors did things for him that they called impro$ing yo%r good points& /%t e0cept
"hen he $ie"ed himself in a .esta-,irror to see the sample clothes pro'ected back
onto his o"n ideali7ed image, he co%ld ne$er pin do"n "hat those good points "ere&
!"en "o%ld certainly t%rn him do"n&
He feared that more than anything& As long as there remained the possibility &&&
,emory of the "aiting +pace +er$ice dep%tation intr%ded& /attlemont trembled,
broke the )oga breathing pattern The e0ercise "as ha$ing its %s%al effect4 a feeling
of $ertigo& He hea$ed himself to his feet&
9ne cannot r%n a"ay from fate, he m%ttered&
That "as a carry-o$er from the Barma month&
According to !"en the agencys conference room had been copied from a
Florentine bordellos #mperor 1oom& (t "as a gigantic space& The corners "ere all
flossy c%rli3%es in hea$y gilding an effect carried o$er into deep car$ings on the "all
panels& The ceiling "as a mating of 2ellini c%pids "ith 5ali landscapes&
<eriod st%ff& Anti3%e&
(nto this baro3%e setting had been forced a one-piece table 6 feet "ide and >@
feet long& (t "as an enlarged bit of T"entieth 2ent%ry Wailstreetiana fenced in by
hea$y "ooden chairs& /eanbag paper-"eights and golden "heel ashtrays graced
e$ery place&
The air of the room "as bl%e "ith the smoke of mood-cigs& :(t rhymes "ith !ood
/igs*; The staff seated aro%nd the table "as fighting off the depressant effect of the
t"o +pace +er$ice generals, one male and one female, sealed in flanking positions
beside /attlements empty chair& There "as a s%rprising lack of small talk and paper
r%stling&
All staff members had learned of the %ltimat%m $ia the office grape$ine&
/attlemont slipped in his side door, crossed to his chair at the end of the table,
dropped into it before his knees ga$e o%t& He stared from one fro"ning military face
to the other&
8o response&
He cleared his throat& +orry (m &&& ah &&& <ressing b%siness& Una$oidable& He cast
a frantic glance aro%nd the table& 8o sign of !"en& He smiled at one officer, the
other&
8o response&
9n his right sat /rigadier !eneral +onnet Finnister of the W9,+ :Women of
+pace;& /attlemont had been appalled to see her "alk& 5rill-sergeant stride& 8o
nonsense& +he "ore a self-designed %niform4 straight pleated skirt to conceal bony
hips, a loose blo%se to camo%flage lack of %pper de$elopment, and a long cape to
conf%se the "hole iss%e& Atop her head sat a d%ck-billed, flat-fronted cap that had
been fashioned for the single p%rpose of hiding the +onnet Finnister forehead, "hich
"ent too high and too "ide&
+he seldom remo$ed the hat&
:This partic%lar hat, /attlements h%rried pri$ate in$estigations had re$ealed,
looked hideo%s on e$ery other member of the W9,+& To a "oman, they called it the
+onnet /onnet& There had been the additional information that the general herself
"as referred to by %nderlings as +inister Finnister - partly beca%se of the s"irling
cape&;
9n /attlemonts left sat !eneral 8athan 9"ling of the +pace #ngineers& /etter
kno"n as Ho"ling 9"ling beca%se of a characteristic e$idenced "hen he became
angry& He appeared to ha$e been shaped in the officer castes c%rrent mold of lean,
blond athlete& The bl%e eyes reminded /attlemont of !"ens eyes, e0cept that the
mans appeared colder&
(f that "ere possible&
/eyond 9"ling sat -eo <rim, the agencys art director& He "as a thin yo%ng man,
thin to a point that $ibrated across the edge of emaciation& His black hair, "orn long,
held a nat%ral "a$e& He had a narro" 1oman nose, so%lf%l bro"n eyes, strong cleft
in the chin, genero%s mo%th "ith large lips& A mood-cig dangled from the lips&
(f /attlemont co%ld ha$e chosen his o"n appearance, he "o%ld ha$e liked to look
like -eo <rim& 1omantic& /attlemont ca%ght <rims attention, $ent%red a smile of
camaraderie&
8o response&
!eneral +onnet Finnister tapped a thin finger on the tabletop& (t so%nded to
/attlemont like the slack dr%m of a death march&
Hadnt "e better get started6 demanded Finnister&
Are "e all here - finally6 asked 9"ling&
/attlemont s"allo"ed past a l%mp in his throat& Well &&& ah &&& no &&& ah &&&
9"ling opened a briefcase in his lap, glanced at an intelligence report, looked
aro%nd the table& ,iss #$erest is missing, he anno%nced&
Finnister said4 2o%ldnt "e go ahead "itho%t her6
Well "ait, said 9"ling& He "as en'oying himself& $amned parasites need a touch
of the whip now and then! he tho%ght& %hows 'em where they stand.
Finnister glared at 9"ling a ha"k stare that had red%ced f%ll colonels :male; to
trembling& The stare rolled off 9"ling "itho%t effect& rust the high command to pair
me with a male supremacy type like &wling! she tho%ght&
(s this place safe from snooping6 asked 9"ling&
/attlement t%rned his o"n lo"-"attage glare on the staff seated in the mood
smoke ha7e aro%nd the table& 8o glance met his& Thats all anybody e$er does
aro%nd here* he snapped&
What6 9"ling started to rise&
/%sybodies* blared /attlement& ,y "hole staff*
9hhh& 9"ling sank back into his chair& ( meant a different kind of snooping&
9h, that& /attlemont shr%gged, s%ppressed an %rge to glance %p at the
conference rooms concealed recorder lenses& We cannot ha$e o%r ideas pirated by
other agencies, yo% kno"& Absol%tely safe here&
!"en #$erest chose this moment for her entrance& All eyes follo"ed her as she
came thro%gh the end door, strode do"n the length of the room&
/attlemont admired her grace& +%ch a feminine "oman in spite of her strength&
+o different from the female general&
!"en fo%nd a spare chair against the side "all, cro"ded it in bet"een /attlemont
and Finnister&
The commander of the W9,+ glared at the intr%der& Who are you#'
/attlemont leaned for"ard& This is ,iss #$erest, o%r &&& ah &&& He hesitated,
conf%sed, !"en had ne$er had an official title "ith the agency& 8e$er needed it&
#$eryone in the place kne" she "as the boss& Ahh &&& ,iss #$erest is o%r &&& ah &&&
director of coordination, said /attlemont&
Why* Thats a "onderf%l title* said !"en& ( m%st get it printed on my stationery&
+he patted /attlements hand, faced him and, in her best %nderco$er-agent-going-
into-action $oice, said4 -ets ha$e it, 2hief& Who are these people6 Whats going on6
!eneral 9"ling nodded to !"en& (m 9"ling, !eneral, +pace #ngineers& He
gest%red to the rocket splash insignia on his sho%lder& ,y companion is !eneral
Finnister, W9,+&
!"en had recogni7ed the famo%s Finnister face& +he smiled brightly, said4
!eneral Woms*
Finnister* snapped the female general&
)es, of co%rse, said !"en& !eneral Finnister Woms& ,%st not go too informal,
yo% kno"&
Finnister spoke in slo" cadence4 ( &&& am &&& !eneral &&& +onnet &&& Finnister &&&
of &&& the &&& Women &&& of &&& +pace* The W9,+*
9h, ho" st%pid of me, said !"en& 9f co%rse yo% are& +he patted the generals
hand, smiled at /attlemont&
/attlemont, "ho "ell kne" the falsity of this mood in !"en #$erest, "as trying to
scr%nch do"n o%t of sight in his chair&
(n that moment, !"en reali7ed "ith a t"inge of fear that she had reached a
psychic point of no ret%rn& +omething slipped a cog in her mind& +he glanced aro%nd
the table& Familiar faces leaped at her "ith %nreal clarity& +taring eyes& :The best
part of a conference "as to "atch !"en in action&; I can't take any more of this,
tho%ght !"en& I have to declare myself.
+he foc%sed on the military& The rest of the people in this room o"ned little pieces
of her, b%t not these t"o& 9"ling and Finnister& +pace generals& +ymbols& Targets*
Let the chips fall where they may! 'ire when ready, (ridley. %hoot if you must
this old gray head ... "ait until you see the whites of their eyes.
!"en nodded to herself&
9ne misstep and the agency "as r%ined&
"ho cares#
(t all passed in a split second, b%t the decision "as made&
)e*ellion!
!"en t%rned her attention on 9"ling& Wo%ld yo% be kind eno%gh to end this
stalling aro%nd and get the meeting %nder "ay6
+tall &&& 9"ling broke it off& The intelligence report had said !"en #$erest "as
fond of shock tactics& He ga$e her a c%rt nod, passed the nod to Finnister&
The female general addressed /attlemont& )o%r agency, as "e e0plained to yo%
earlier, has been chosen for a $ital task, ,r /attlefield&
/attlemont, said !"en&
Finnister stopped short& What6
His name is /attlemont, not /attlefield, said !"en&
What of it6
8ames are important, said !"en& (m s%re yo% appreciate this&
The Finnister cheeks fl%shed& C%ite*
9"ing stepped into the breach& We are a%thori7ed to pay this agency do%ble the
%s%al fee for performance, he said& Ho"e$er, if yo% fail %s "ell draft e$ery male
employee here into the +pace ser$ice
What an asinine idea* said !"en& 9%r people "o%ld destroy the +pace +er$ice&
From "ithin& Again she smiled at /attlemont&
Andre here co%ld do it all by himself& 2o%ldnt yo%, d%cky6 +he patted
/attlemonts cheek&
/attlemont tried to cro%ch farther do"n into the chair& He a$oided the eyes of the
space brass, said 4 !"en &&& please&
What do yo% mean, destroy the +pace +er$ice6 demanded Finnister&
!"en ignored her, addressed 9"ling& This is another one of the <sych /ranchs
brainstorms, she said& ( can smell the stench of em in e$ery "ord&
9"ling fro"ned& As a matter of fact, he had the practical b%ilders s%spicion of
e$erything s%b'ecti$e& This #$erest "oman made a good point there& /%t the military
had to stand sho%lder to sho%lder against o%tsiders& He said4 ( dont belie$e yo% are
properly e3%ipped to fathom military tactics& -ets get on to the problem "e &&&
,ilitary tactics yet* !"en rapped the table& 5eploy yo%r forces, men& This is it*
+ynchroni7e yo%r "atches& 9$er the top*
!"en* said /attlemont&
9f co%rse, said !"en& +he faced Finnister& Wo%ld yo% mind a"f%lly o%tlining yo%r
problem in simple terms that o%r %n-militari7ed minds co%ld %nderstand6
A pa%se, a glare& Finnister spe"ed her "ords thro%gh stiff lips& #nlistments in the
W9,+ ha$e fallen to an alarming degree& +ou are going to correct this&
/ehind !"en, /attlemont nodded $igoro%sly&
Women can release men for the more stren%o%s tasks, said 9"ling&
And there are many things "omen can do that men cannot do, said Finnister&
Absol%tely essential, said 9"ling&
Absol%tely, agreed Finnister&
2ant draft "omen, ( s%ppose, said !"en&
Tried to get a bill thro%gh, said 9"ling& 5amned committees headed by an anti-
military "oman&
!ood for her, said !"en&
)o% do not so%nd like the person for this 'ob, said 9"ling& <erhaps &&&
9h, simmer do"n, said !"en&
,iss #$erest is the best in the b%siness, said /attlemont&
!"en said4 Why are enlistments do"n6 )o%$e r%n the %s%al s%r$eys, ( s%ppose&
(ts the space armor, said Finnister& Women dont like it&
Too mechanical, said 9"ling& Too practical&
We need &&& ah &&& glamor, said Finnister& +he ad'%sted the brim of her cap&
!"en fro"ned at the cap, cast a glance %p and do"n the Finnister %niform& ($e
seen the %s%al ne"s pict%res of the armor, she said& What do they "ear %nderneath
it6 +omething like yo%r %niform6
Finnister s%ppressed a s%rge of anger& 8o& They "ear special fatig%es&
The armor cannot be remo$ed "hile they are in space, said 9"ling&
9h6 said !"en& What abo%t physical f%nctions, that sort of thing6
Armor takes care of e$erything, said 9"ling&
Apparently not ,uite e$erything, m%rm%red !"en& +he nodded to herself, m%lling
tactics&
/attlemont straightened, sniffed the atmosphere of the conference room& +taff all
alert, 3%iet, attenti$e& ,ood had lightened some"hat& !"en appeared to be taking
o$er& !ood old !"en& Wonderf%l !"en& 8o telling "hat she "as %p to& As %s%al&
+hed sol$e this thing, tho%gh& Al"ays did& Unless &&&
He blinked& 2o%ld she be toying "ith them6 He tried to imagine !"ens tho%ght
patterns& (mpossible& (/,a%sole%m co%ldnt e$en do it& Unpredictable& All /attlemont
co%ld be certain of "as that !"en "o%ld get a gigantic belly la%gh from the pict%re
of the agencys male staff members drafted, sla$ing a"ay on space freighters&
/attlemont trembled&
!eneral Finnister "as saying4 =The problem is not one of getting "omen to enlist
for #arth-based ser$ice& We need them in the ships, the asteroid stations, the &&&
-ets get this straight, said !"en& ,y great-great-grandmother "as in some kind
of armed ser$ice& ( read her diary once& +he called it the ="hackies= or something
like that&
WA2+, said Finnister&
)es, said !"en& (t "as d%ring the "ar "ith +pain&
Aapan, said 9"ling&
What (m dri$ing at is, "hy all the s%dden interest in "omen6 ,y great-great-
grand-mother had one merry old time r%nning a"ay from some colonel "ho
"anted &&& Well, yo% kno"& (s this some kind of a dodge to pro$ide "omen for yo%r
space colonels6
Finnister sco"led her blackest&
C%ickly s%ppressed ch%ckles so%nded aro%nd the table&
9"ling decided to try a ne" tack& ,y dear lady, o%r moti$es are of the highest&
We need the abilities of "omen so that mankind can march side by side to the stars&
!"en stared at him in open admiration& !o-"an* she said&
( mean it, said 9"ling&
)o%re a poet* said !"en& 9h &&& and ($e "ronged yo%& Here ( "as - dirty-
minded me - thinking yo% "anted "omen for base p%rposes& And all the time yo%
"anted companions. +omeone to share this glorio%s ne" ad$ent%re&
Again, /attlemont recogni7ed the danger signals& He tried to s3%ee7e himself into
as small a target as possible& ,ost of the staff aro%nd the table sa" the same
signals, b%t they "ere intent, fascinated&
#0actly* boomed Finnister&
!"ens $oice er%pted in an angry snarl4 And "e name all the little bastards after
the stars in .irgo, ehhh6
(t took a long moment for Finnister and 9"ling to see that they had been g%lled&
Finnister started to rise&
+iddo"n* barked !"en& +he grinned& +he "as ha$ing a magnificent time&
1ebellion carried a sense of e%phoria&
9"ling opened his mo%th, closed it "itho%t a ho"l&
Finnister sank back into her chair&
+hall "e get do"n to b%siness6 snapped !"en& -ets look at this glorified h%nk
of tin yo% "ant %s to glamori7e&
Finnister fo%nd something she co%ld foc%s her shocked attention on& +pace armor
is mostly plastic, not tin&
<lastic-schmastic, said !"en& ( "ant to see yo%r (ron !ertie&
!eneral 9"ling took t"o deep breaths to calm his ner$es, snapped open the
briefcase, e0tracted a folder of design sketches& He p%shed them to"ard !"en - a
hesitant motion as tho%gh he feared she might take his hand "ith them& He no"
recogni7ed that the incredible intelligence report "as correct4 this astonishing female
"as the act%al head of the agency&
Heres - (ron !ertie, he said, and forced a ch%ckle&
!"en leafed thro%gh the folder "hile the others "atched&
/attlemont stared at her& He reali7ed something the rest of the staff did not4
!"en #$erest "as not being the %s%al !"en #$erest& There "as a s%btle difference&
An abandon& +omething "as very "rong*
Witho%t looking %p from the dra"ings, !"en addressed herself to Finnister& That
%niform yo%re "earing, !eneral Finnister& )o% design that yo%rself6
What6 9h, yes& ( did&
/attlemont trembled&
!"en reached o%t, rapped one of Finnisters hips& /ony, she said& +he t%rned a
page in the folder, shook her head&
Well* e0ploded Finnister&
+till "itho%t looking %p, !"en said4 +immer do"n& Ho" abo%t the hat6 )o%
design that, too6
)esss* (t "as a sibilant e0plosion&
!"en lifted her attention to the hat, spoke in a reasonable tone4 <ossibly the
most hideo%s thing ($e e$er seen&
Well of all the-
Are yo% a fashion designer6 asked !"en politely&
Finnister shook her head as tho%gh to clear it of cob"ebs&
)o% are not a fashion designer6 pressed !"en&
Finnister bit the "ords off& ( ha$e had some e0perience in choosing -
The ans"er is no, then, said !"en& Tho%ght so& +he bro%ght her attention back
to the folder, t%rned a page&
Finnister glared at her in open-mo%thed rage&
!"en glanced %p at 9"ling& Whyd yo% p%t the finger on this agency6
9"ling appeared to ha$e tro%ble foc%sing his attention on 9"ens 3%estion&
<resently, he said4 )o% "ere &&& it "as pointed o%t that this agency "as one of the
most s%ccessf%l in &&& if not the most s%ccessf%l &&&
We "ere classified as e0perts, eh6
)es& (f yo% "ant to p%t it that "ay&
( "ant to p%t it that "ay& +he glanced at Finnister& +o "e let the e0perts do the
designing, is that clear6 )o% people keep yo%r greasy fingers off& Understood6 +he
shot a hard stare at 9"ling, back to Finnister&
( dont kno" abo%t yo%* Finnister snapped at 9"ling, b%t ($e had all-
(f yo% $al%e yo%r military career yo%ll '%st sit do"n and listen, said !"en& Again,
she glared at 9"ling& 5o yo% %nderstand6
9"ling shook his head from side to side& Ama7ement dominated him& Abr%ptly, he
reali7ed that his head shaking co%ld be interpreted as negati$e& He bobbed his head
%p and do"n, decided in mid-motion that this "as %ndignified& He stopped, cleared
his throat&
"hat an astonishing female! he tho%ght&
!"en p%shed the folder of design sketches %ptable to -eo <rim, the art director&
Tell me, !eneral 9"ling, she said, "hy is the armor so b%lky6
-eo <rim, "ho had opened the folder, began to ch%ckle&
,ar$elo%s, isnt it6 said !"en&
+omeone farther %ptable asked4 What is6
!"en kept her attention on 9"ling& +ome 'assack engineer in the +pace +er$ice
designed a test model s%it of armor like a gigantic "oman - breasts and all& +he
glanced at Finnister& )o% ran a s%r$ey on the st%pid thing, of co%rse6
Finnister nodded& +he "as shocked speechless&
( co%ld$e sa$ed yo% the tro%ble, said !"en& 9ne of the reasons yo%d better
listen caref%lly to "hat e-pert me has to say& 8o "oman in her right mind "o%ld get
into that thing& +hed feel big - and shed feel naked& !"en shook her head& Fre%d*
What a combination*
9"ling "et his lips "ith his tong%e& Ah, the armor has to pro$ide s%fficient
shielding against radiation, and it m%st remain artic%late %nder e0tremes of press%re
and temperat%re, he said& (t cant be made any smaller and still permit a h%man
being to fit into it&
9kay, said !"en& ( ha$e the beginnings of an idea&
+he closed her eyes, tho%ght4 hese military .erks are a couple of sitting ducks.
/lmost a shame to pot them. +he opened her eyes, glanced at /attlemont& His eyes
"ere closed& He appeared to be praying& 0ould *e the ruination of poor /ndre and
his lovely people, too, she tho%ght& "hat a marvelous collection of professional
stranglers! "ell, can't *e helped. "hen (wen 1verest goes out, she goes out in a
*la2e of glory! /ll flags flying! 'ull speed ahead! $amn the torpedoes!
Well6 said 9"ling&
'ire one! tho%ght !"en& +he said4 <res%mably, yo% ha$e specialists, e0perts "ho
can ad$ise %s on technical details&
At yo%r beck and call "hene$er yo% say the "ord, said 9"ling&
/attlemont opened his eyes, stared at the back of 9"ens neck& A ray of hope
stabbed thro%gh his panic& Was it possible that !"en "as really taking o$er6
(ll also "ant all the dope on "hich psychological types make the best W9,+,
said !"en& (f there is s%ch a thing as a best W9,&
/attlemont closed his eyes, sh%ddered&
( dont belie$e ($e e$er been treated this high-handedly in my entire career*
bl%rted Finnister& (m not entirely s%re that -
A%st a moment, please, said 9"ling& He st%died !"en, "ho "as smiling at him&
The intelligence report said this "oman "as probable geni%s and sho%ld be handled
delicately&
(m only sorry the la" doesnt gi$e %s the right to draft "omen, too* barked
Finnister&
Then yo% "o%ldnt really ha$e this problem, "o%ld yo%6 asked !"en& +he t%rned
her smile on Finnister& (t "as f%ll of beatit%des&
9"ling said4 ( kno" "e ha$e f%ll a%thority to handle this at o%r o"n discretion,
!eneral Finnister, and ( agree that "e$e been s%b'ected to some ab%se b%t &&&
Ab%se* Finnister said&
And high time, too, said !"en&
A $iolent sh%dder passed thro%gh /attlemont& He tho%ght4 "e are doomed!
Ho"e$er, said 9"ling, "e m%stnt let o%r personal feelings clo%d a decision for
the good of the ser$ice&
( hear the b%gles blo"ing,= m%rm%red !"en&
This agency was chosen as the one most likely to sol$e the problem, said 9"ling&
There could ha$e been a mistake* said Finnister&
8ot likely&
)o% are determined to t%rn this thing o$er to &&& to &&& = Finnister broke off, tapped
her palms on the table top&
(ts ad$isable, said 9"ling& He tho%ght4 his (wen 1verest will solve our
pro*lem. 3o pro*lem could resist her. 3o pro*lem would dare!
!eneral 9"ling had become a !"enophile&
.ery "ell, then, snarled Finnister& ( "ill reser$e my '%dgment&
!eneral Finnister had become a !"enophobe&
Which "as part of !"en #$erests program&
( pres%me yo% t"o "ill be a$ailable for technical cons%ltations from time to time,
said !"en&
9%r s%bordinates take care of details, said 9"ling& All !eneral Finnister and ( are
interested in is the big pict%re, the key to the p%77le&
/ig pict%re, key to p%77le, m%sed !"en& Wonderf%l idea&
What6 9"ling stared at her, p%77led&
8othing, said !"en& A%st thinking o%t lo%d&
9"ling stood %p, looked at Finnister& +hall "e be going6=
Finnister also stood %p, t%rned to"ard the door at the end of the room& )esss*
Together, one on each side of the table, they inarched the length of the room4
t%mp-a-th%mp-a-t%mp-a-th%mp-a-t%mp &&& A%st as they reached the door and 9"ling
opened it, !"en '%mped to her feet& 2harrrge* she sho%ted&
The t"o officers fro7e, almost t%rned, tho%ght better of it& They left, slamming the
door&
/attlemont spoke plainti$ely into the silence& !"en, "hy do yo% destroy %s6
5estroy yo%6 5ont be silly*
/%t, !"en &&&
<lease be 3%iet, AndreD yo%re interr%pting my train of tho%ght& +he t%rned to
-eo <rim& -eo, take those sketches and things of that big-breasted /ertha they
designed& ( "ant adecal "ork%ps on them, f%ll pro'os, the entire campaign o%tlay&
/ig /ertha adecals, pro'os, the o%tlay, said <rim& 1ight*
!"en, "hat are yo% doing6 asked /attlemont& )o% said yo%rself that -
)o%re babbling, Andre, said !"en& +he glanced %p at the ceiling& An eye in one
of the 2ellini c%pids "inked at her& We got the %s%al solid recordings of this
conference, ( pres%me6
9f co%rse, said /attlemont&
Take those recordings, -eo, said !"en& 5o a se3%ence o%t of them feat%ring
only !eneral +inister +onnet /onnet Finnister&
Whatd yo% call her6 asked <rim&
!"en e0plained abo%t the Finnister nicknames& The fashion trade kno"s all abo%t
her, she finished& A li$ing horror&
)eah, okay, said <rim& A solid se3%ence of nothing b%t Finnister& What do yo%
"ant it to sho"6
#$ery angle of that %niform, said !"en& And the hat, Fre%d* 5ont forget that
hat*
/attlemont spoke plainti$ely& ( dont %nderstand&
!ood, said !"en& -eo, send me 1esti$o and Aim +park &&& a co%ple more of yo%r
best design people& (ncl%de yo%rself& Well &&&
And, lo* /en Adams name led all the rest, said /attlemont,
!"en t%rned, stared do"n at him& For one of the rare times in their association,
/attlemont had s%rprised her "ith something he said&
I wonder if our dear /ndre could *e human# she m%sed& 3o! I must *e going soft
in the head. +he said4 Andre, go take a meditation break %ntil time to call o%r ne0t
conference& #h6 Theres a good fello"&
/lways *efore when she a*used me it was like a .oke *etween us, tho%ght
/attlemont dolef%lly& 4ut now she is trying to hurt. His concern no" "as for !"en,
not for the agency& 5y (wen needs help. /nd I don't know what to do.
,editation break time, said !"en& 9r yo% co%ld go to a mood bar& Why dont yo%
try the ne" (nterdorma mediniche6 A niche in time sa$es the mind*
( prefer to remain a"ake for o%r last ho%rs together, said /attlemont& A sob
cl%tched at his throat& He stood %p to co$er the moment, dre" himself to attention,
fi0ed !"en "ith a despairing glare& ( feel the f%t%re cro%ching o$er %s like a great
beast* He t%rned his back on her, strode o%t thro%gh his pri$ate door&
( "onder "hat the de$il he meant by that6 m%sed !"en&
<rim said4 This is the month of +t Fre%d& They go for prescience, e0trasensory
perception, that sort of thing&
9h, certainly, she said& ( "rote the broch%re& /%t she fo%nd herself dist%rbed by
/attlemonts depart%re& 6e looked so pitiful, she tho%ght& "hat if this little caper
*ackfires and he gets drafted# It could happen. Leo and the rest of these stranglers
could take it. 4ut /ndre ... +he ga$e a mental shr%g& oo late to turn *ack now.
5epartment heads began pressing to"ard !"en along the table& +ay, !"en, "hat
abo%t the prod%ction on &&& (f (m going to meet any deadlines (ll need more &&&
Will "e ha$e to drop o%r other &&&
+hadd%p* bello"ed !"en&
+he smiled s"eetly into the shocked silence& ( "ill meet "ith each of yo%
pri$ately, '%st as soon as ( get in a fresh stock of crying to"els& First things first,
tho%gh& 8%mber one problem4 "e get the monkey off o%r backs& #h6
And she tho%ght4 +ou poor oafs! +ou aren't even aware how close you are to
disaster. +ou think (wen is taking over as usual. 4ut (wen doesn't care. (wen
doesn't give a damn any more. (wen is resigning in a *la2e of glory! Into the valley
of death rode the 788! &r was it 488# 3o matter. "ar is hell! I only regret that I
have *ut one life to give for my agency. (ive me li*erty or give me to the "&5%.
-eo <rim said4 )o%re going for the throat on these t"o military types, is that it6
,ilitary tactics, said !"en& 8o s%r$i$ors* Take no prisoners* 5eath to the White
#yes*
H%h6 said <rim&
!et right on that assignment ( ga$e yo%, she said&
Uhh &&& <rim looked do"n at the folder 9"ling had left& Work%ps on this /ig
/ertha thing &&& a solido on Finnister& 9kay& He shook his head& )o% kno", this
b%siness co%ld shape %p into a 2omplete Flap&
(t co%ld be "orse than that, !"en ca%tioned&
+omeone else said4 (ts absol%tely the "orst ($e e$er seen& 5rafted*
And !"en tho%ght4 &oooh! %omeone9 has trepidations I Abr%ptly, she said4
Absol%tely "orst flap& +he brightened& =Thats "onderf%l* 9ne moment, all yo%
lo$ely people&
There "as s%dden stillness in the preparations for depart%re&
(t has been mo$ed that "e label this b%siness the Absol%tely Worst Flap, she
said&
2h%ckles from the staff&
)o% "ill note, said !"en, that the initials A-W-F are the first three letters in the
"ord awful.'
-a%ghter&
Up to no", said !"en, "e$e only had to content "ith ,inor, ,edi%m and
2omplete Flaps& 8o" ( gi$e yo% the AWF* (t rhymes "ith the gr%nt of someone being
sl%gged in the stomach*
(nto the la%ghter that filled the room, <rim said4 Ho" abo%t the U and - in a"f%l6
2ant let them go to "aste&
'Unlimitedl' snapped !"en& Absol%tely Worst Flap Unlimited* +he began to la%gh,
had to choke it off as the la%ghter edged into hysteria& "hat in hell's wrong with
me# she "ondered& +he glared at <rim& -ets get cracking, men* (snt a damn one of
yo% "o%ld look good in %niform&
The la%ghter shaded do"n into ner$o%s g%tterings& That !"en*
!"en had to get o%t of there& (t "as like a feeling of na%sea& +he p%shed her "ay
do"n the side of the room& The sparkle had gone o%t of her rebellion& +he felt that
all of these people "ere p%lling at her, taking bits of herself that she co%ld ne$er
recapt%re& (t made her angry& +he "anted to kick, bite, cla"& (nstead, she smiled
fi0edly& #0c%se me& ,ay ( get thro%gh here6 +orry& Thank yo%& #0c%se me&
And an image of Andre /attlemont kept intr%ding on her conscio%sness& %uch a
pitiful little fellow. %o ... well ... sweet-$am-mit! %weet! In a despica*le sort of way.
T"enty-fi$e days slipped off the calendar& T"enty-fi$e days of splashing in a pool
of conf%sion& !"ens element& +he h%rled herself into the problem& This one had to
be '%st right& A tagline for her e0it& A !"en #$erest signat%re at the bottom of the
page&
Technical e0perts from the military s"armed all thro%gh the agency& #0perts on
s%it artic%lation& #0perts on shielding& <ress%re coefficients& Artificial atmosphere&
Waste reclamation& +%b-miniat%re po"er elements& A locksmith& An e0pert on the
ne" m%table plastics& :6e had to be flo"n in from the West 2oast&;
<l%s the fashion e0perts seen only by !"en&
(t "as 3%ite a 'ob making s%re that each military e0pert sa" only "hat his small
technical "orld re3%ired&
2ame the day of the /ig <ict%re& The $ery morning&
Ad'acent to her office !"en maintained a special room abo%t @E feet s3%are& +he
called it my intimidation room& (t "as almost -o%is F.4 ins%bstantial chairs, teetery
little tables, glass gimcracks on the light fi0t%res, pastel cher%bs on the "all panels&
The chairs looked as tho%gh they might smash flat %nder the "eight of a medi%m-
si7ed man& #ach :"ith the e0ception of a padded throne chair that slid from behind a
"all panel for !"en; had a seat that canted for"ard& The sitters kept sliding off,
gently, imperceptibly&
8one of the tables had a top large eno%gh for a note pad and an ashtray& 9ne of
these items had to be balanced in the lap or placed %nderfoot& That forced an
occasional look at the carpet&
The carpet had been prod%ced "ith alarming psychological triggers& The
%ninitiated felt that they "ere standing %pside do"n in a fishbo"l&
!eneral 9"ling occ%pied one of the trick chairs& He tried to keep from staring at
the cher%b centered in a "all panel directly across from him, slightly to the right of
the seated fig%re of Andre /attlemont& /attlement looked ill& 9"ling p%shed himself
back"ard in the chair& His knees felt e0posed& He glanced at !eneral Finnister& +he
sat to his right beyond a spindly table& +he p%lled her skirt do"n as he "atched& He
"ondered "hy she sat so far for"ard on the chair&
$amned uncomforta*le little chairs!
He noted that /attlemont had bro%ght in one of the big conference room chairs for
himself& 9"ling "ondered "hy they all co%ldnt ha$e those big, s3%are, solid, sec%re
chairs& For that matter, "hy "asnt this meeting being held in the big conference
room6 F%ll staff& The /ig <ict%re* He glanced %p at the "all panel opposite& %tupid
damned cheru*! He looked do"n at the r%g, grimaced, tore his ga7e a"ay&
Finnister had looked at the r%g "hen she came into the room, had almost lost her
balance& 8o", she tried to keep her attention off it& Her mind seethed "ith
dis3%ieting r%mors& (ndi$id%al reports from the technical e0perts failed to re$eal a
total image& (t "as like a 'igsa" p%77le "ith pieces from separate p%77les all thro"n
together& +he p%shed herself back"ard in the chair& "hat an uncomforta*le room.
(nt%ition told her the place "as s%btly deliberate& Her latent anger at !"en #$erest
flared& "here is that woman#
/attlemont cleared his throat, glanced at the door to his right thro%gh "hich !"en
"as e0pected momentarily& 5ust she always *e late# !"en had a$oided him for
"eeks& Too b%sy& +%ddenly this morning she had to ha$e Andre /attlemont front and
center& A fig%rehead& A prop for her little sho"& He kne" pretty m%ch "hat she "as
doing, too& (n the o%t"ard, physical sense& +he might be able to keep things from
some of the people aro%nd here, b%t Andre /attlemont ran his o"n intelligence
system& As to "hat "as going on in her mind, tho%gh, he co%ldnt be s%re& All he
kne" "as that it didnt fit& 8ot e$en for !"en&
Finnister said4 9%r technical people inform %s that yo%$e been pretty interested
- she p%shed herself back in the chair - in the characteristics of some of the ne"er
m%table plastics&
That is tr%e, said /attlemont&
Why6 asked 9"ling&
Ahhh, perhaps "ed better "ait for ,iss #$erest, said /attlemont& +he is bringing
a solido pro'ector&
)o% ha$e mock%ps already6 asked 9"ling&
)es&
!ood* Ho" many models6
9ne& 9%r receptionist& /ea%tif%l girl&
What6 Finnister and 9"ling in %nison&
9h* )o% mean &&& that is, "e ha$e the one to sho" yo%& (t is really t"o &&& b%t only
one of &&& He shr%gged, s%ppressed a sh%dder&
Finnister and 9"ling looked at each other&
/attlemont closed his eyes& (wen, please hurry. He tho%ght abo%t her sol%tion to
the military problem, began to tremble& Her basic idea "as so%nd, of co%rse& !ood
psychological roots& /%t the military "o%ld ne$er go for it& #specially that female
general "ho "alked like a sergeant& /attlemonts eyes snapped open as he heard a
door open&
!"en came in p%shing a portable display pro'ector& A glance of m%t%al dislike
passed bet"een !"en and Finnister, "as masked by m%t%al bright smiles
immediately&
!ood morning, e$erybody, chirped !"en&
$anger signal! tho%ght /attlemont& %he's mad! %he's &&& He stopped the tho%ght,
foc%sed on it& 5ay*e she is. "e work her so hard.
An0io%s to see "hat yo% ha$e there, said 9"ling& A%st getting ready to ask for a
progress report "hen yo% called this meeting&
We "anted to ha$e something first that yo% co%ld appreciate as an engineer, said
!"en&
9"ling nodded&
Finnister said4 9%r people report that yo%$e been $ery secreti$e abo%t yo%r
"ork& Why6
The $ery "alls ha$e ears& -oose lips lose the <eace* 5ont be half safe* !"en
positioned the pro'ector in the center of the room, took the remote control, crossed
to a panel "hich s"%ng o%t to disgorge her chair& +he sat do"n facing Finnister and
9"ling&
+econds dragged past "hile she stared in fascination at Finnisters knees&
!"en6 said /attlemont&
Finnister t%gged do"n on the hem of her skirt&
What do yo% ha$e to sho" %s6 demanded 9"ling& He p%shed himself back in the
chair&
First, said !"en, let %s e0amine the perimeters of the problem& )o% m%st ask
yo%rself4 What do yo%ng "omen "ant "hen they enter the ser$ice6
+o%nds sensible, said 9"ling&
Finnister nodded, her dislike of !"en s%bmerged in attention to the "ords&
They "ant se$eral things, said !"en& They "ant tra$el &&& ad$ent%re &&& the
knight errant sort of thing& Tally-ho*
/attlement, Finnister and 9"ling snapped to shocked attention&
!i$es yo% pa%se "hen yo% think abo%t it, m%rm%red !"en& All those "omen
looking for something& -ooking for the free ride& The brass ring& The pot at the end of
the rainbo"&
+he had them nodding again, !"en noted& +he raised her $oice4 The old caro%sel*
The 'ingle-dingle 'oy 'o%rney*
/attlement looked at her sadly& 5ad. &hhh, my poor, poor (wenny.
9"ling said4 ( &&& %h &&&
/%t they all "ant one commodity* snapped !"en& And "hats that6 1omance*
Thats "hats that& And in the %nconscio%s mind "hats that romance6 That romance
is se0*
( belie$e ($e heard eno%gh, said Finnister&
8o, said 9"ling& -ets %h &&& this is all, (m s%re, preliminary& ( "ant to kno"
"here &&& after all, the model &&& models they$e de$eloped &&&
Whats "ith se0 "hen yo% get all the folderol off it6 demanded !"en& The
psychological roots& Whats do"n there6
9"ling scratched his throat, stared at her& He had a basic distr%st of s%b'ecti$e
ideas, b%t he al"ays came smack %p against the fear that maybe :'%st maybe no";
they "ere correct& +ome of them appeared :and it co%ld be appearance only; to
"ork&
(ll tell yo% "hats do"n there, m%ttered !"en& ,otherhood& Home& +ec%rity
"ith a man& The flag&
9"ling tho%ght4 It all sounds so sensi*le ... e-cept.,&
And "hat does yo%r armor do6 asked !"en& Armor e3%als no amo%r* Theyre
locked %p in dese0ed ch%nks of metal and plastic "here no men can get at them&
!reat Fre%d* ,en cant e$en see them in there*
Women dont really want men to get at them* barked Finnister& 9f all the
disg%sting ideas ($e e$er -
A%st a min%te* said !"en& A normal "oman al"ays "ants the possi*ility. Thats
"hat she "ants& And she "ants it %nder her control& )o%$e eliminated the possibility&
)o%$e taken all control o%t of their hands, p%t yo%r "omen at the mercy of the
elements, separated from cold, masc%line, ang%lar A/1U<T A85 F(8A- 5#ATH* by
only a thin layer of plastic and metal&
/attlemont stared at her helplessly& <oor (wen. $oomed. /nd she won't even sell
this idea. "e're all doomed with her.
Finnister glared at !"en, still smarting %nder the implied dig of the "ord normal.
Ho" do yo% propose to get aro%nd these, ah, ob'ections6 asked 9"ling&
)o%ll see, said !"en& -ets go in from the perimeter no"& 1emember, the basic
female idea is to be able to r%n a"ay "ith the ass%rance that she "ill be ca%ght& +he
"ants a certain amo%nt of e0pos%re as a female "itho%t being too bare-ahhh-faced
abo%t it&
,mmmph* said Finnister&
!"en smiled at her&
(wen is deli*erately destroying herself and us with her, tho%ght /attlemont&
5o yo% see "hat is lacking6 asked !"en&
Hninimm-ahhhhh-hmmmmm, said 9"ling&
A %ni$ersal symbol, said !"en& A bold symbol& A symbol*
What do yo% propose6 asked 9"ling&
Thats it* said !"en& A proposal* <l%s - she hesitated - the symbol* The key is
$ery simple& +he sat %p, perky, grinning at them& (n fact, its a key*
Finnister and 9"ling spoke in %nison4 A key6
)es& T"o keys, act%ally& +ymbolisms ob$io%s& +he prod%ced t"o keys from her
'acket pocket, held them %p& As yo% can see, one key is hard, ang%lar &&& a
masc%line key& The other has fancy c%r$es& (ts daintier, more the &&&
5o yo% mean to tell me, ho"led 9"ling, that yo% people ha$e spent all these
"eeks, all those cons%ltations "ith o%r e0perts, and come %p "ith &&& "ith &&& "ith &&&
He pointed, %nable to contin%e&
!"en shook her head from side to side& 9h, no& 1emember, these are '%st
symbols& Theyre important, of co%rse& 9ne might e$en say they "ere $ital& #ach key
"ill be inscribed "ith the name of the person "ho gets it&
What are they keys to6 asked Finnister& +he "as fascinated in spite of herself&
To the space armor, nat%rally, said !"en& These keys lock yo%r people in their
armor - both men and "omen&
-ock them6 protested Finnister& /%t yo% said &&&
( kno", said !"en& /%t, yo% see, a key that "ill lock people into something "ill
also let them o%t& As a matter of fact, any one of these keys "ill open any s%it&
Thats for the safety factor&
/%t they cant get out of their s%its "hen theyre in space* ho"led 9"ling& 9f all
the &&&
Thats right* said !"en& They cant really get o%t& +o "e gi$e them the sym*ol of
getting o%t& For e0changing&
#0changing6 asked Finnister&
2ertainly& A male astrona%t sees a girl astrona%t he likes& He asks net to trade
keys& .ery romantic& +ymbolic of things that may happen "hen they ret%rn to #arth
or get to a base "here they can get o%t of the s%its&
,iss #$erest, said Finnister, as yo% so aptly pointed o%t earlier, no astrona%t can
see one of o%r "omen in this armor& And e$en if he co%ld, ( dont belie$e that (d &&&
+he fro7e, staring, shocked speechless&
9"en had p%shed a st%d on the solido pro'ectors remote control& A s%it of space
armor appeared to be hanging in the center of the room& (n the s%it, "earing a form-
fitting 'acket, stood the agencys b%sty receptionist& The s%it of armor aro%nd her
"as transparent from the "aist %p&
The bottom half remains opa3%e at all times, said !"en& For reasons of
modesty &&& the connections& Ho"e$er, the top half &&&
!"en p%shed another st%d& The transparent %pper half faded thro%gh gray to
black %ntil it concealed the model&
For pri$acy "hen desired, said !"en& Thats ho" "e$e %sed the ne" m%table
plastic& !i$es the girl some control o$er her en$ironment&
Again, !"en p%shed the first st%d& The %pper half of the model reappeared&
Finnister gaped at the form-fitting %niform&
!"en stood %p, took a pointer, gest%red in thro%gh the pro'ection& This %niform
"as designed by a leading co%t%rier& (t is made to re$eal "hile concealing& A "oman
"ith only a fair fig%re "ill appear to good ad$antage in it& A "oman "ith an e0cellent
fig%re appears st%nning, as yo% can see& <oor fig%res - !"en shr%gged -there are
e0ercises for de$eloping them& 9r so ( am told&
Finnister interr%pted in a cold $oice& And "hat do yo% propose to do "ith that &&&
that %ni &&& clothing6
This "ill be the reg%lation %niform for the W9,+, said !"en& Theres a c%te little
hat goes "ith it& .ery se0y&
/attlemont said4 <erhaps the changeo$er co%ld be made slo"ly so as to &&&
What changeo$er6 demanded Finnister& +he leaped to her feet& !eneral 9"ling6
/attlemont tho%ght4 I knew it. &h, my poor (wenny! hey will destroy her, too. I
knew it.
We cant "aste any more time "ith this agency, said Finnister& 2ome, !eneral&
Wait* yelped /attlemont& He leaped to his feet& !"en, ( told yo% &&&
Finnister said4 (ts regrettable, b%t &&&
<erhaps "ere being a little hasty, said 9"ling& There may be something to
sal$age from this &&&
)es* said /attlemont& A%st a little more time is all "e need to get a fresh &&&
( think not, said Finnister&
!"en smiled from one to the other, tho%ght4 "hat a pri2e lot of gooney *irds! +he
felt a little dr%nk, as e%phoric as if she had '%st come from a mood bar& )e*ellion, it's
wonderful! Up the Irish! &r something.
9"ling shr%gged, tho%ght4 "e have to stand together against civilians. (eneral
'innister is right. oo *ad, though. He got to his feet&
A%st a little more time, pleaded /attlemont&
oo *ad a*out /ndre, tho%ght !"en& +he had an inspiration, said4 9ne moment,
please&
Three pairs of eyes foc%sed on her&
Finnister said4 (f yo% think yo% can stop me from going thro%gh "ith o%r threat,
diss%ade yo%rself& (m perfectly a"are that yo% had that %ni &&& that clothing designed
to make me look hideo%s*
Why not6 asked !"en& ( "as only doing to yo% "hat yo% did to $irt%ally e$ery
other "oman in the W9,+&
!"en* pleaded /attlemont in horror&
/e still, Andre, said !"en& (ts '%st a matter of timing, any"ay& Today&
Tomorro"& 8e0t "eek& 8ot really important&
9h, my poor !"enny, sobbed /attlemont&
( "as going to "ait, said !"en& <ossibly a "eek& At least %ntil (d t%rned in my
resignation&
Whatre yo% talking abo%t6 asked 9"ling&
1esignation* gasped /attlemont&
( '%st cant toss poor Andre here to the "ol$es, said !"en& The rest of o%r men,
yes& 9nce they get inside theyll che" yo%r g%ts o%t, any"ay&
What are yo% talking abo%t6 asked Finnister&
The rest of the men in this agency can take care of themsel$es &&& and yo%, too,
said !"en& Wol$es among "ol$es& /%t Andre here is helpless& All he has is his
position &&& money& Hes an accident& <%t him someplace "here money and position
are less important, itll kill him&
1egrettable, said Finnister& +hall "e be going, !eneral 9"ling6
( "as going to r%in both of yo%, said !"en& /%t (ll tell yo% "hat& )o% lea$e
Andre alone and (ll '%st gi$e one of yo% the b%siness&
!"en, "hat are yo% saying6 "hispered /attlemont&
)esss* hissed Finnister& #0plain yo%rself*
( '%st "ant to kno" the pecking order here, said !"en& Which one of yo% ranks
the other6
What does that ha$e to do "ith it6 asked Finnister&
A%st a min%te, said 9"ling& That intelligence report& He glared at !"en& (m told
yo%$e prepared an adecal on the test model "e made before coming to yo%&
/ig /ertha, said !"en& And its not '%st an adecal& ( ha$e e$erything needed for
a f%ll national campaign& -ook*
A solido of the breast-bearing test model replaced the transparent s%it hanging in
the center of the room&
The idea for /ig /ertha here originated "ith !eneral 9"ling, said !"en& ,y
campaign establishes that fact, then goes on to feat%re an animated model of /ig
/ertha& +he is a li$ing panic& F%nniest thing yo% e$er sa"& !eneral 9"ling, yo% "ill
be the la%ghing stock of the nation by nightfall of the day ( start this campaign&
9"ling took a step for"ard&
/attlemont said4 !"en* They "ill destroy yo%*
9"ling pointed at the pro'ection& )o% &&& yo% "o%ldnt*
/%t ( "o%ld, said !"en& +he smiled at him&
/attlemont t%gged at 9"ens arm& +he shook him off&
(t "o%ld r%in me, "hispered 9"ling&
<res%mably, yo% are capable of going thro%gh "ith this threat, said Finnister&
1egrettable&
9"ling "hirled on Finnister& We m%st stand together* he said desperately&
)o% bet, said !"en& +he p%shed another st%d on the remote control&
A pro'ection of !eneral Finnister in her famo%s %niform replaced /ig /ertha&
)o% may as "ell kno" the "hole story, said !"en& (m all set "ith another
campaign on the designing of this %niform, right from the +onnet /onnet on do"n
thro%gh the +inister Finnister cape and those sneaky "alking shoes& ( start "ith a
d%mmy model of the general clad in basic fo%ndation garments& Then ( go on to
sho" ho" each element of the present W9,+ %niform "as designed for the &&& ah &&&
Finnister &&& ah &&& fig%re&
(ll s%e* barked Finnister&
!o ahead& !o ahead& !"en "a$ed a sin%o%s arm&
%he acts drunk! tho%ght /attlemont& 4ut she never drinks.
(m all set to go black market "ith these campaigns, said !"en& )o% cant stop
me& (ll pro$e e$ery contention ( make abo%t that %niform& (ll e0pose yo%& (ll sho"
"hy yo%r enlistment dri$es flopped&
1ed s%ff%sed the Finnister face& All right* she snapped& (f yo%re going to r%in %s,
( g%ess theres nothing "e can do abo%t it& /%t mark this, ,iss #$erest& Well ha$e
the men of this agency in the ser$ice& )o%ll ha$e that on yo%r conscience* And the
men "e draft "ill ser$e %nder friends of o%rs& ( hope yo% kno" "hat that means*
)o% dont ha$e any friends, said !"en, b%t her $oice lacked con$iction& It's
*ackfiring, she tho%ght& &h, hell. I didn't think they'd defy me.
There may e$en be something "e can do abo%t yo%* said Finnister& A presidential
order p%tting yo% in the ser$ice for reasons of national emergency& 9r an emergency
cla%se on some bill& And "hen "e get o%r hands on yo%, ,iss #$erest &&&
Andre* "ailed !"en& (t "as all getting o%t of hand& I didn't want to hurt
any*ody, she tho%ght& I .ust ... +he reali7ed that she didnt kno" "hat she had
"anted&
/attlemont "as electrified& (n @@ years, !"en #$erest had ne$er appealed to
anyone for help& And no", for the first time, her appeal "as to him* He stepped
bet"een !"en and Finnister& Andre is right here,= he said& He felt inspired& His !"en
had appealed to him* )o% assassin* he said, shaking a finger %nder the Finnister
nose&
8o", see here* snapped 9"ling& ( "ont stand for any more of-
And yo%* barked /attlemont, "hirling& We ha$e recordings of e$ery conference
here, from the first, and incl%ding this one* They sho" "hat happened* 5ont yo%
kno" "hat is "rong "ith this poor girl6 )o%* )o%$e dri$en her o%t of her mind*
!"en 'oined in the chor%s4 What6
/e still, !"en, said /attlemont& ( "ill handle this&
!"en co%ldnt take her attention off him& /attlemont "as magnificent& )es,
Andre&
( "ill pro$e it, said /attlemont& With (nterdorma psychiatrists& With all the
e0perts money can b%y& )o% chink yo% ha$e seen something in those campaigns o%r
!"en set %p6 Hah* ( "ill sho" yo% something& He stabbed a finger at 9"ling& 2an
the military dri$e yo% insane6
9h, no" see here, said 9"ling& =This has gone -
)es* (t can dri$e yo% insane* said /attlemont& And "e "ill sho", step by step,
ho" yo% dro$e o%r poor !"en o%t of her mind "ith fear for her friends& Fear for me*
He slapped himself on the chest, glared at Finnister& And yo% kno" "hat "e "ill do
ne0t6 We "ill say to the p%blic4 This co%ld happen to yo%* Who is ne0t6 )o%6 9r yo%6
9r yo%6 Then "hat happens to yo%r money from 2ongress6 What happens to yo%r
enlistment 3%otas6
8o" see here, said 9"ling& We didnt &&&
5idnt yo%6 snarled /attlemont& )o% think this poor girl is in her right mind6
Well, b%t "e didnt &&&
Wait %ntil yo% see o%r campaign, said /attlemont& He took !"ens hand, patted
it& There, there, !"enny& Andre "ill fi0&
)es, Andre, she said& They "ere the only "ords she co%ld find& +he felt st%pefied&
6e's in love with me, she tho%ght& 8e$er before had she kno"n anyone to be in lo$e
"ith her& 8ot e$en her parents, "ho had al"ays been repelled by the intellect they
had spa"ned& !"en felt "armth seeping thro%gh her& A cog slipped into motion in
her mind& (t creaked some"hat from long idleness& +he tho%ght4 6e's in love with
me! +he "anted to h%g him&
We seem to be at a stalemate, m%ttered 9"ling&
Finnister said4 /%t "e cant '%st -
+h%t %p* ordered 9"ling& Hell do it* 2ant yo% see that6
/%t if "e draft-
Hell do it for s%re, then* /%y some other agency to r%n the campaign&
/%t "e co%ld t%rn aro%nd and draft -
)o% cant draft e$erybody "ho disagrees "ith yo%, "oman* 8ot in this co%ntry*
)o%d start a re$ol%tion*
( &&& Finnister said helplessly&
And its not '%st %s hed r%in, said 9"ling& The "hole ser$ice& Hed strike right at
the money& ( kno" his type& He "asnt bl%ffing& (td be catastrophic*
9"ling shook his head, seeing a parade of cr%mbling military pro'ects pass before
his minds eye, all falling into an abyss labeled 8+F&
)o% are an intelligent man, !eneral 9"ling, said /attlemont&
That <sych /ranch* snarled 9"ling& Them and their bright ideas*
( told yo% they "ere f%77y-heads, said !"en&
)o% be still, !"en, said /attlemont&
)es, Andre&
Well, "hatre "e going to do6 demanded 9"ling&
( tell yo% "hat, said /attlemont )o% lea$e %s alone, "e lea$e yo% alone&
/%t "hat abo%t my enlistments6 "ailed Finnister&
)o% think o%r !"en, sick or "ell, cant sol$e yo%r problems6 asked /attlemont&
For yo%r enlistments yo% %se the program as o%tlined&
( "ont*
)o% "ill, said 9"ling&
!eneral 9"ling, ( ref%se to ha$e &&&
What happens if ( ha$e to d%mp this problem on the !eneral +taff6 asked
9"ling& Where "ill the head-chopping start6 (n the <sych /ranch6 2ertainly& Wholl
be ne0t6 The people "ho co%ld$e sol$ed it in the field, thats "ho*
Finnister said4 /%t -
For that matter, said 9"ling, ,iss #$erests ideas so%nded pretty sensible &&&
"ith some modifications, of co%rse&
8o modifications,= said /attlemont&
6e's a verita*le 3apoleon! tho%ght !"en&
9nly in minor, %nimportant details, soothed 9"ling& For engineering reasons&
<erhaps, agreed /attlemont& <ro$ided "e pass on the modifications before they
are made&
(m s%re "e can "ork it o%t, said 9"ling&
Finnister ga$e %p, t%rned her back on them&
9ne little detail, m%rm%red /attlemont& When yo% make o%t the do%ble-fee
check to the agency, make a s%bstantial addition-bon%s for ,iss #$erest&
8at%rally, said 9"ling&
8at%rally, said /attlemont&
When the space brass had departed, /attlemont faced !"en, stamped his foot&
)o% ha$e been $ery bad, !"en*
/%t, Andre -
1esignation* barked /attlemont&
/%t -
9h, ( %nderstand, !"en& (ts my fa%lt& ( "orked yo% m%ch too hard& /%t that is
past&
Andre, yo% dont -
)es, ( do* ( %nderstand& )o% "ere going to sink the ship and go do"n "ith it& ,y
poor, dear !"en& A death "ish* (f yo%d only paid attention to yo%r (nterdorma
Telelog&
( didnt "ant to h%rt anyone here, Andre& 9nly those t"o -
)es, yes& ( kno"& )o%re all mi0ed %p&
Thats tr%e& +he felt like crying& +he hadnt cried &&& since &&& she co%ldnt
remember "hen& )o% kno", she said, ( cant remember e$er crying&
Thats it* said /attlemont& ( cry all the time& )o% need a stabili7ing infl%ence& )o%
need someone to teach yo% ho" to cry&
Wo%ld yo% teach me, Andre6
Wo%ld ( &&& He "iped the tears from his eyes& )o% are going on a $acation&
(mmediately* ( am going "ith yo%&
)es, Andre&
And "hen "e ret%rn -
( dont "ant to come back to the agency, Andre& ( &&& cant&
+o thats it* said /attlemont& The ad$ertising b%siness* (t b%gs yo%*
+he shr%gged& (m &&& ( '%st cant face another campaign& ( &&& '%st &&& cant&
)o% "ill "rite a book, anno%nced /attlemont&
What6
/est therapy kno"n, said /attlemont& 5id it myself once& )o% "ill "rite abo%t the
ad$ertising b%siness& )o% "ill e0pose all the dirty tricks4 the hypno-'ingles, the
s%b$is%al flicker images, the ad$ertisers "ho finance te0tbooks to get their sell into
them, the "omb rooms "here the you-seekers are programmed& #$erything&
( co%ld do it, she said&
)o% "ill tell all, said /attlemont&
Will (*
And yo% "ill do it %nder a pse%donym, said /attlemont& +afer&
When do "e start the $acation, Andre6
Tomorro"& He e0perienced a moment of his old panic& )o% dont mind that (m &&&
%gly as a pig6
)o%re '%st bea%tif%l, she said& +he smoothed the hair across his bald spot& )o%
dont mind that (m smarter than yo%6
Ah, hah* /attlemont dre" himself to attention& )o% may be smarter in the head,
my darling, b%t yo% are not smarter in the heart*