Reflection 1

In writing this ethnography, I learned what a good revision is about. I started out with a

rough draft that was very unclear and unorganized. The thesis statement was weak, there was

poor organization, I used examples that were not as convincing as they should have been, and

there was also a weak conclusion. My next step was revision; I was able to look over my rough

draft and rewrite my paper with a clearer idea of what my thesis statement was, and what I

wanted the reader to get out of reading my ethnography.

Creating my rough draft for this assignment was the hardest part. Starting out with a

blank paper is where I have the most trouble. I found out that it was good to start out by creating

a rough draft that included all of my ideas. While writing my draft I tried to keep an open mind

and use all of my initial thoughts and ideas for the ethnography, even though I was unsure if

some things should be included or left out. I wanted to be able to choose which of the things in

my paper worked effectively and which of the things should be taken out completely.

After looking over my draft, it was easy to see what I wanted to keep in it, what I wanted

to take out, and what I wanted to change to make the paper better. By being the reader, instead of

just the writer, I noticed many things in my paper that I wanted to change. I realized that my

paper had a very unclear thesis statement, and it was hard to tell what the main idea of the paper

was. It was easy to see that I needed to narrow my ideas and go with a specific argument. The

argument I decided to go with was to show how this group is unique and different from other

groups at Miami. I realized that rhetorical devices such as, logos and ethos, along with supports

and claims, worked effectively in my argument and I used these things in my final paper.

My final draft was much different and much better than my rough draft. The rough draft

was missing essential things that were needed to be a good paper. In the final draft I was able to


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completely turn it around and include the things it needed, such as, organization, clarity, facts,

and rhetorical devices to keep the reader interested. Although, I think my paper would have

benefited from another revision, I thought it turned out well and was overall successful in

portraying the message I wanted the reader to get from reading my paper. It was clear that the

“Adopt a School Program” did unique things, and was different than most groups here on

campus.

There are still problems with my final draft that I can see when I look at it now. The thing

that needs most improvement on is how I begin each paragraph. The sentences I use should be to

the point and easy for the reader to understand. However, I found myself reading and rereading

most of the first sentences in my first paragraph. Small changes could be made to the grammar

and organization of these sentences that will make a big difference in making the paper sound

better. Also, I feel like there are parts of my paper that are engaging and interesting to read, but

there are also parts that are boring and lose the readers attention. The sentences that lose the

readers attention need to be taken out, although they include some information, it is not

information that is necessary to have in the paper, it is actually doing more harm than help in the

overall paper. I could have made a stronger argument by giving examples about how other

groups are different and what they do that is different from the “Adopt a School Program”.

Overall, the skills that I acquired from this assignment will be very helpful for me in the

future. I will be able to use what I learned about good revision in all of the papers that I will have

to write. Knowing how to correctly revise a paper is a good skill to have because, it will always

improve your paper. Even if your paper is good to begin with, going back and making a revision

will always make it better.


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