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AFGHAN

ISSUE 64 - NOVEMBER 2009

Kabul mini-break edition

Intrepid writers on where to go,
and how to get there

perspective • insight • people • reviews • pics • life

 SCENE
AFGHAN Contents
Introduction
Afghan Scene
Afghan Scene November
November 2009
2009

ISSUE 64 - NOVEMBER 2009

Publisher: Afghan Scene Ltd, Wazir Akbar Khan, Kabul, Afghanistan

Manager & Editor: Afghan Scene Ltd, Kabul, Afghanistan
Design: Kaboora Production
Advertising: sales@afghanscene.com
Printer: Emirates Printing Press, Dubai
Contact: info@afghanscene.com / www.afghanscene.com
Afghan Scene welcomes the contribution of articles and / or pictures from its readers.
Editorial rights reserved.

7 Introduction
10 Lost but nor forgotten
David Gill goes on the road with female presidential
challenger and women’s rights campaigner Shahla Atta,
during the run up to August’s elections
14 Earth packers
It’s security with style - Scene gets the inside track on how to
make your home secure, the traditional way, without relying
on industrial sandbags
21 Afghan soundtrack
21 It’s been a hit TV show and an award winning film. Now
Afghan star the soundtrack is on its way to a record store
near you. Watch out for sing-along action men and other
merchandise soon
26 COVER: Get away!
Scene’s unmissable guide to five great mini-breaks in and
around Afghanistan. Not for the faint hearted.
45 Steak’s out
Gourmet grandee Samir Satchu debut’s on Scene’e
restaurant pages. Eat it and weep.
50 Be Scene
Halloween comes to Kabul.

26 56 Classifieds
Got something to sell or buy? Fortunately Scene’s all new
small ad section is here for you.

60 Afghan Essentials
All you need to know about where to go in Kabul
64 Farewell Scene
Obama’s hometown reporter Kim Barker remembers the
best gropes, and jokes, from her time in Afghanistan

45

www.afghanscene.com Afghan Scene November 2009 5

 Introduction
Afghan Scene November 2009

Dark days
in Kabul
K
ai Eide was entirely right when he Outside Kabul it is also becoming ever harder
described the attack on the Bekhtar to explore a beautiful country. But although
Guesthouse as “dark days for the difficult and dangerous it is still just possible to
United Nations”. It was an appalling act escape the capital.
that rightly shocked the world. This month Afghan Scene tries to prove
Almost as tragic is the effect it has had that it is still just possible to be a tourist in an
on daily life in Kabul. Security concerns have increasingly dangerous land.
already been making it harder and harder for
foreigners to live a relatively normal life in editor@afghanscene.com
Kabul. People have to live behind steel gates
and ever larger walls – even relatively attractive
ones like the rammed earth structure featured
on page 14.
Many UN workers have been told to quit their
beloved old Afghan houses in the heart of the
city in favour of mega-compounds where daily
life runs to a far more institutional beat.
And people who live there inevitably become “Things just ain’t what they used to be...”
that little bit more cut off from the people they
are trying to help.

www.afghanscene.com Afghan Scene November 2009 7

Scene Team Farewell scene
Afghan Scene November 2009 Afghan Scene November 2009

Contributors
Afghan Scene Magazine is proud to showcase work from the best photographers in Afghanistan

David Gill is a British writer, photographer and videogrpher focusing on a social

documentary and overseas development. His current book project
Kabul, a City at Work is a selection over 100 original portraits.
web.mac.com/shot2bits/work

Harry Cole is a cad and a bounder. A former guards officer in the British army
he’s now a raconteur, wit and man about town who juggles security and
logistics in between scribbling Scene’s pocket cartoons.

Travis Beard is an Australian photographer, film maker, adventurer and part time
security analyst based in Kabul. He’s ridden to Badakshan and Bamiyan on a
motorbike and is looking forward to the day when Route 1 is safe again.
www.argusphotography.com

Jeremy Kelly is an Australian journalist and photographer who first visited

Afghanistan under Taliban rule in 1998. He has lived here since 2005.
His preferred method of transport is a motorbike.

Occasional food photographer Will Baxter hails from Chicago but hangs out in
Bangkok when he is not snapping the world’s trouble spots or doing military
embeds in Afghanistan. He shoots for Newsweek, Time, New York Times,
Washington Post and pretty much anyone else who will pay him.

Almost all of the photographs and cartoons featured in Afghan Scene are available for sale direct from the
artists. Most of them are available for commissions, here and elsewhere. If you would like to contribute to
Afghan Scene, or if you can’t get hold of a contributor, please contact editor@afghanscene.com.

8 Afghan Scene November 2009 www.afghanscene.com www.afghanscene.com Afghan Scene November 2009 9
Kabul at work
Afghan Scene November 2009
Her
Outdoors
DAVID GILL meets one of the female presidential candidates
who believes she can unite the nation
T
he great granddaughter of an Afghan
prince who slaughtered thousands of
British soldiers in the worst military
defeat ever inflicted on the British
army had hoped to become Afghanistan’s next
president.
If she had won, Shahla Ata, who seven years
ago would have run the risk of being stoned
by the repressive Taliban regime if she walked
through Kabul without a male relative, would
have become the country’s first ever female
president.
The great great granddaughter of Amir Dost
Mohammad, whose son Akbar Khan butchered
about 16,000 British soldiers, wives, children
10 Afghan Scene November 2009
and camp followers as they retreated from
Kabul during the first Anglo-Afghan war,
says the country is ready for its first female
president.
Ata believes she has the right blood for
the job: Dost Mohammad, who the British
exiled to India in 1839 with a substantial
pension at the start of the Great Game, is
credited with being one of Afghanistan’s
only rulers to have succeeded in uniting the
country’s bickering tribes.
At a time when multiple factions vie
against each other in Afghanistan, the
ability to unite the country could prove
handy.
www.afghanscene.com
Kabul at work
Afghan Scene November 2009
GIRL POWER: Shahla Ata visiting the derelict Russian Cultural Centre and the heroin addicts who live there | David Gill
The 49-year-old Member of Parliament, were stoned to death for committing adultery.
whose brother was murdered by Russians “There were once discos in Kabul. We even
during a Soviet-backed coup in 1979, fondly had a dance floor in our own house during the
remembers when Afghan women used to wear seventies,” recalls Ata, who fled to America
miniskirts, dance in the capital’s nightclubs and mid-way through the Soviet invasion.
drink scotch whiskey. “I still can’t smoke in front of my fellow MPs,
During the Taliban’s reign of fear in the late but things have come a long way for Afghan
1990s, women were often lashed or sprayed women since the Taliban were chased from
with acid for not wearing the burqa and many power,” she says puffing on a Malboro Light. �
Kabul, A City at Work is a selection of over 100 original portraits from the
capital. Its authors describe it as a window into Kabul’s soul. For more
information visit www.web.mac.com/shot2bits/work | www. kabulatwork.com
www.afghanscene.com Afghan Scene November 2009 11
Farewell scene Farewell scene
Afghan Scene November 2009 Afghan Scene November 2009

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Building scene Building scene
Afghan Scene November 2009 Afghan Scene November 2009

Ramming
the message
home
A huge new earth wall in central Kabul proves there is an alternative
to stacks of ugly Hescos cluttering the capital’s streets says
GRAHAME HUNTER

I
t is a quiet time in Kabul, hot and dusty.
The elections will be held in a few weeks,
yet the capital has a sleepy feel as if all the
real action is occurring elsewhere.
The most interesting thing going on in the
city is the construction of the largest rammed
earth wall to have been built in Afghanistan
since Tamerlaine’s time: over 500 cubic
metres of soil rammed into place inside timber
shuttering, to make a barrier 130 metres long,
nearly four metres tall and one and a quarter
metres thick.
It will form the new front protective wall
of the main UN residential compound, where

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Building scene
Afghan Scene November 2009
16 Afghan Scene November 2009
Security depends on making people feel
safe, reducing civic anxiety and sending
a clear signal of normalcy
about twenty Afghan guards sit in the shade of
mulberry trees that line the surrounding streets
and watch the work in progress.
The weight of soil will exceed 1,000 tonnes
– and every ounce must be moved into position
by men pushing wheelbarrows, made moist by
others delicately sprinkling water over the piles
of earth with watering cans, laid out inside the
forms by gloved brown hands, and stamped
down by yet others using crude metal rams.
The rhythmic pounding continues softly,
consolingly hour after hour from 7am until work
stops at 4pm. Over fifty men are working here,
in a pattern of work which gives no indication
of the century in which it is taking place –
except surely not this one nor the last, for there
is no machinery in use of any sort, except the
wheelbarrows.
Loads of moist humus are graded by hand,
larger stones discarded; gravel is then mixed
in, and the moisture content regulated such
that a firmly gripped handful clumps together
yet remains stiff. It is a form of construction
familiar since Alexander passed through on
his way to India – labour intensive, unskilled,
hot, heavy repetitive work to create a dense
durable mass that the Afghan experience has
shown is largely impervious to rocket grenades,
resistant to small arms fire, and may reduce the
devastating effects of a bomb blast.
Site Foreman is Saboor Rahimi, one of very
few working there who speaks English. He
www.afghanscene.com www.afghanscene.com
Building scene
Afghan Scene November 2009
learned it along with Turkish, some Greek and a
smattering of Italian that he picked up during
a ten year odyssey overland to Britain where
he finally got as far as Cardiff before he was
deported as an illegal immigrant. Although he
has no formal skills, he is a good builder, and
that is enough to earn him the senior position
in a crew the majority of whom are illiterate
and without training. Here everyone learns on
the job, each new recruit being assigned into a
team of up to 15 men, headed up by one or two
who have been taught this way of building by
an English architect who himself learned about
it in Morrocco.
“Some people, they don’t want to work, or
they just need a little money to take home to
their village – so every day we have new people
on the site. The old men are the best – they
know how to work,” says Saboor. In a departure
from usual Afghan practice the Englishman
insisted that every team is paid according to the
amount of earth rammed. Saboor chuckled, “The
men, they thought he was an idiot, because at
first everyone worked slowly, then when the
rate was set then they really started to work
– some people now, they earn $8, $10, even
$12 in a day – that is about four times the
normal rate for a labourer – even more than a
bricklayer earns!”
The Englishman didn’t seem to mind. He told
me that to build this wall had become a mission
for almost two years when he discovered the
Afghan Scene November 2009 17
Building scene
Afghan Scene November 2009
silly expense of building Hesco walls which
disfigure the streets of Kabul and turn many
areas into mini-Green zones reminiscent of
Baghdad. The ubiquitous Hesco is a just a wire
box lined with cheap polymer textile and filled
with sand or earth, and stacked up into walls
topped with razor wire. They are military-
looking, hideous and soon become untidy as
the fabric rots and the earth starts to spill
out. However, the are quick to place and good
protection – the Englishman calls them the
lazy-man’s solution to one superficial aspect of
security – the bomb blast.
“It is ironic that the main US operation in
Afghanistan was called Enduring Freedom –
but all anyone could see was all these shoddy,
quick-fix fortifications, symbols of fear and
impotence and short-term thinking. They
show that the military have taken over, and
they demonstrate that the protecting force is
frightened – neither is very reassuring,” said
the Englishman. “A more significant aspect
of security however, depends on making
people feel safe in the city, of reducing civic
anxiety, sending a clear signal of normalcy,
of permanence. Also, people need work – and
the people who need it most are the poor and
I wish we ‘ad a sea!
18 Afghan Scene November 2009
Farewell scene
Afghan Scene November 2009
the unskilled- to put money in their pockets
is the best defence against trouble. The UN is
now doing this by constructing the necessary
security perimeter in a way that creates jobs,
that looks handsome, and is traditional for
Afghans many of whom grew up within earth-
walled compounds.”
It has taken the Englishman two years of
lobbying to achieve this wall – the first of its
kind in Kabul . Many people familiar with the
organisation, which has commissioned it, say
that the most astonishing thing about it is not
the beauty of a sheer cliff of compacted earth,
over 12 feet high and nearly 400 feet long, but
that the UN had the imagination to choose
this solution. It may be the first of many – the
ground has been broken. Every day people stop
their cars, or walk past and watch progress, and
compliment the work. Every day over four dozen
men who previously had no job are earning a
decent living wage. Every day the wall grows
taller, and sends its quiet powerful message
that Afghan traditions are not always despised
by the international community, that the UN is
here to stay and is not too proud to use local
methods to create new solutions to problems of
security, social welfare and civic pride. �
www.afghanscene.com www.afghanscene.com Afghan Scene November 2009 19
Farewell scene Star scene
Afghan Scene November 2009 Afghan Scene November 2009

Afghan Star
- the soundtrack
Not just content with make a critically
acclaimed film documentary maker
ByHAVANA MARKING is now releasing a
Havana Marking
soundtrack to her Afghan Star film

C
hoosing the music for a film is one of
the best jobs a director has to do. It
can of course be one of the hardest:
the tune, the pace, the tone, and the
lyrics all have to contribute to the emotion of
a scene. But in this case – my documentary
Afghan Star – it was a truly brilliant experience.

20 Afghan Scene November 2009 www.afghanscene.com www.afghanscene.com Afghan Scene November 2009 21
Star scene
Afghan
Afghan Scene
Scene November
November 2009
2009
CARRY-ON-OKE: Pop star wannabe’s battle it out, now available on iTunes
The film follows a series of the Tolo TV music
talent show of the same name. This very popular
show travels the country to find the best
musicians and singers and promises the winner
a record contract. Music, and the very concept
of why music matters, is thus at the heart of the
film: in fact the opening scene is a little blind
Kabul boy singing a ballad about the power of
love. He then goes on to tell us how the world
would be silent without music, how humans
would be sad.
Of course with the backdrop of Taliban
repression and Mujahideen restriction, this is
powerful stuff. Music has become a potent
symbol of freedom and is so important to
the younger generation desperate to express
themselves. I wish I had been in Kabul when
the Taliban left in 2001: the image of people
turning on their dusty stereos and playing music
as a first response is a wonderful one. As the
city grew more and more confident the music
got louder and louder.
22 Afghan Scene November 2009
I have almost found the Taliban ban on
non-religious music to be one of the most
extraordinary and hateful policies of that era.
To take away that joy and expression from a
society is utterly dark and so full of cunning. It
really is a measure of their fanatical ambitions.
It is also one of the things that really made the
everyday Afghan on the street hate them: how
can you have a wedding without music? A birth
without celebration?
When I first started filming Afghan Star in
2007 I had a driver named Mumtaz. He had
been a taxi driver in those dark times, and had
been imprisoned for a week for being caught
with a music cassette. As you can imagine he
loved music – all kind of Afghan traditions:
classical, ghazals, Kowali, old pop, new pop, hip
hop, refugee pop. He played all of it in his car
and introduced me to a whole world of culture.
I loved driving around with him, the guard, Phil
my cameraman and the translator: we would all
sing along and maybe even shake our shoulders.
www.afghanscene.com
Star scene
Afghan Scene November 2009
HAVANA A LAUGH: Marking calls the shots on mountain top shoot
After the success of the film we were able to and stars of the film: Setara, and Hameed
release a soundtrack. This is the first collection Zakizada dueting with Rafi Nabzada. These are
of modern Afghan Music to be released the best songs of the whole season.
internationally and I am thrilled that the Indeed we had to search hard to find the
world can now access such a rich and exciting quality of sound required for such a commercial
musical culture. We have included a range of release and spent hours in the National TV
contemporary Afghan songs: obviously starting archives in Kabul trying to find old film footage
with Ahmed Zahir (the Afghan Elvis), through of musicians. We were able to take the audio
the 80s electro pop of Wajiha to the classically from these recordings and it is the first time
trained musicians of today such as Nazir Khora they have ever been released in this way. I am
in Kabul and the Hip Hop Star Arash Howaida in extremely proud of the DVD: It’s great to know
Germany. that royalties will go back to the musicians but
The film Afghan Star obviously includes also that a new generation of singers can be
many people singing in the competition but discovered.
often the quality of the recordings were not
good enough to include on the release. Luckily The Afghan Star soundtrack can be bought from
we have a great couple of tracks by the finalists ITunes & Amazon.
Havana Marking is a London based film maker who directed Afghan Star,
a documentary which has been put forward for Oscar consideration. She is
currently working on several other films about Afghanistan.
www.afghanscene.com Afghan Scene November 2009 23
 Hit
Photo scene Farewell scene
Afghan Scene November 2009 Afghan Scene November 2009

the

target with
your
message! Have you considered advertising in
Afghanistan's leading magazine
aimed at the expat community and
key business decision makers?

With over 8,000 copies distributed

free of charge, Afghan Scene keeps those
working in Afghanistan and new comers
to the country informed on recent
developments with articles
and reviews from
leading writers.

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24 Afghan Scene November 2009 www.afghanscene.com www.afghanscene.com www.afghanscene.com

25
Afghan Scene November 2009
Travel scene Travel scene
Afghan Scene November 2009 Afghan Scene November 2009

Straddling
the
Anjuman
Afghanistan’s busiest tourist JEREMY KELLY on the
Panjshir-Badakhshan border

26 Afghan Scene November 2009 www.afghanscene.com www.afghanscene.com Afghan Scene November 2009 27
Travel scene
Afghan Scene November 2009
FORD DANGER: Natural hazards on the Anjuman pass | Travis Beard
What: Everyone’s been to Panjshir. Well, the
Anjuman Pass is essentially the end of the road,
about 100 miles from the mouth of the valley,
in the dizzying heights of th Hindu Kush, where
Panjshir becomes Badakhshan. Don’t let the
distance fool you. It’s a bugger of a climb and,
with experience, I urge you to do it by car and
not motorbike.
Hazards: River crossings, checkpoints and
armed Nuristani cattle raiders.
How: With a 4 x 4, you are looking at two
days from Kabul to the summit, and you need a
permit from the provincial governor.
28 Afghan Scene November 2009
F or accommodation the best approach is
to line up a Panjshiri driver who can hook you
up with some locals, or perhaps their relatives.
On our first trip, we stopped when it got dark
asked a shopkeeper where we could spend the
night and were, somewhat predictably, invited
into his house. The next day, setting off at
dawn, the asphalt soon ends and you traverse
along a reasonably smooth unmade road toward
Perignon, the final village in the valley.
From there the road degrades into a
rock-strewn track with some moderate river
crossings. The trip to the summit will take most
of the day, depending on your driver and how
often you to stop to take in the scenery.
www.afghanscene.com
PRIVATE SECURITY: Local’s take the team up Anjuman | Travis Beard
The final part of the ascent involves a series
of switchbacks on a road just wide enough for a
car. When you reach the summit, you have two
choices: drive back to Kabul or press onwards
into Badakhshan.
Doing the latter locks you in to a five-day
trip. It’s two days travelling north to Faizabad
and then a monster 15-hour drive back to
Kabul, through Kunduz, where it seems security
has been transferred from the Germans to ISAF’s
43th partner, the Taliban.
If you want to run that gauntlet, take the
advice we were given: don’t stop before Kunduz,
in Kunduz and ignore any police checkpoint – in
summary, don’t stop at all.
www.afghanscene.com
Travel scene
Afghan Scene November 2009
Why: The pictures speak for themselves. Plus,
it’s reasonably safe if you remain in Panjshir
and still somewhat of a secret..
When: Given the altitude and state of the
road, summer is the ideal time. The road is
precarious enough without the addition of
snow, mud, floods or avalanches.
What you will need: The usual knapsack for
any travel around Afghanistan – greenbacks,
a sense of humour and the knowledge that
not everything will go according to plan,
which is why I find it best to rarely make
one.
Afghan Scene November 2009 29
Farewell scene Farewell scene
Afghan Scene November 2009 Afghan Scene November 2009

30 Afghan Scene November 2009 www.afghanscene.com www.afghanscene.com Afghan Scene November 2009 31
Travel scene Travel scene
Afghan Scene November 2009 Afghan Scene November 2009

Bikes M
y housemate and I had nine days
for a motorcycle ride. We wanted
adventure (of the sort that avoids
sojourns in wells and beheadings).

Bureacrats
We wanted the Minaret of Jam. We’d go via
and Bamiyan, and maybe take in the lakes – which
had also recently been declared a national park.
We made Bamiyan no problem, save for a
few portentous delays at police checkpoints.

Hazarajat
in the
With regular flights in and out of the famous valley and a top
notch hotel awaiting weary travellers, Bamiyan has become
just a little too manageable for the liking of ASM. JIM DE
PLUME decided to spice the journey up with a motorbike
The next morning, we travelled for about half
an hour out of town, before our journey ground
to a halt at another checkpoint. The police
just could not fathom why two foreigners on
motorbikes could possibly be doing there, and
radio calls to the NDS indicated that we had
not registered with them as we had blithely
promised at one of the checkpoints the previous
day.
Big problems. We would have to go back
to the police HQ in Bamiyan. So we rode back,
police ranger in tow, to go and explain ourselves
to some police colonel. He accused us of having
a murky agenda – essentially floating the idea
that we were spies – and tried to make us see
reason through analogy.
“If I was in England and wanted to go
somewhere, I couldn’t just arrive in places
unannounced, could I?”
We were made to wait. Something was said
about the PRT. More waiting. My housemate
and I got bored and tried to wander off – this
was the actual cue to make a (somewhat
frantic) call to the PRT.
Eventually, two New Zealanders bristling
with tactical gear arrived and proudly
introduced themselves as police mentors.
“Well, they’re right to be suspicious, it’s
election season”, said one.
BREAK DOWN: Our man does some mid-trip repairs
“Bamiyan has just been declared a national
park. Wouldn’t you have thought it prudent to
mentor them about potential increased tourist
footfall?” I replied.
“It’s a national park? Well that means that it
will be even more likely targeted for terrorism”.
Two foreigners on bikes coming to blow up a
national park? What would they do – make the
lakes deeper? We were beginning to see where
the bureaucratic myopia that has infected
the ANP might have come from. After they
graciously cleared our names with the police
general (having name-dropped him several
times in their exegesis of mentoring brilliance),
they searched our bags and let us go. Stymied,
we turned back to Kabul.
Screw the Taliban – officialdom is this
country’s biggest enemy now.

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Travel scene Travel scene
Afghan Scene November 2009 Afghan Scene November 2009

Ferryto freedom
JON BOONE proves it is still possible - just - to drive from Kabul to a place
where the streets aren’t lined with Hesco barriers

TAKE ME TO THE OTHER SIDE: An Afghan ferry on the Tajik side of the border

34 Afghan Scene November 2009 www.afghanscene.com www.afghanscene.com Afghan Scene November 2009 35
Travel scene
Afghan Scene November 2009
SOARING HIGH: Take a cable care accross the city
F
or a paltry hundred bucks or so you
can fly to Dushanbe, capital city of
Tajikistan. But why would you do
that when you could experience the
dizzying culture shock of driving few hundred
miles to a place where women wear spray on
jeans, restaurants sell considerably harder
stuff than chai saabs and you can party like
it’s 1985 in the techno-pop nightclubs of
central Dushanbe?
Set out from Kabul very early doors if you
intend to get to the border crossing at Sher
Khan Bander before last orders at 3 o’clock.
Travellers looking for something more
leisurely might want to break the journey up
in Kunduz with an overnight stop at the Lapis
Lazuli guesthouse, owned by Boris, a German
with a baffling soft spot for the northern city
worst affected by insurgency.
Helpfully, the Americans have built a
staggeringly impressive 700 metre wide
bridge across the famous Amu Darya river
at Sher Khan Bander. But why take the
$40m bridge when you can hop aboard a
decrepit boat that looks like it can sink at
any moment? In all likelihood you won’t have
a choice as the border staff have got a good
36 Afghan Scene November 2009
Travel scene
Afghan Scene November 2009
drug money from all the opium pouring over the
Afghan border the place is a source of ongoing
frustration for international agencies – not
least the World Bank, which was un-amused to
discover the government had been pocketing
millions of dollars of aid a few years back.
Sports cars cruise up and down the main drag,
the product of a money laundering wheeze
involving the import of nippy two-seater
Mercedes from Moscow in return for blocks of
heroin. Policemen standing at every 50m flag
thing going in down cars at random and impose on-the-spot, DUSHANBE: Means Monday in Farsi
charging a fare spurious fines. Most people seem to accept it
for your enforced is the only way the Dushanbe constabulary can
boat ride to the make ends meet. All this in view of a cream
former USSR. marble and gold monument to excess – a
If you make it $300m palace completed last year for the
to the other official use of the president, just down the road
side expect from his other palace.
the Soviet- There is not a great deal to do in a city that
throwback feels peculiarly empty in the evening, with just
manning the a couple of lights shining in the large apartment
tatty caravan blocks. But the elegant neo-classical boulevards
turned customs are not covered up with concrete barriers and
WAR MEMORIAL: One of the must sees in Dushanbe
office on the HESCO bags. There are no armed guards barring
north bank your way into the city’s cafes and shops selling
to demand a Soviet-era bric-a-brac. The air is clean, the
doctors letter mood is sedate and you could be excused for
proving you are thinking you had magically been transported
not bringing any to a down-at-heal city in eastern Europe.
nasty diseases Wander round. Check out the cemetery of the
into Tajikistan now largely disappeared Jewish community.
– a country with a life Have a coffee and the delicious eggs Benedict
expectancy of just 12 years old. My medical form at the fashionable Grande Dame eaterie just
ultimately had to be given in the form of a $20 over the road from the villa that was Ahmed
note. Shah Massoud’s HQ during the jihad years. And
Something of a regional model for hopeless, marvel at the fact that you are just a day’s drive PALATIAL STYLE: Tajiks promenade near the president’s
kleptocratic governments kept afloat on a sea of from Kabul. new palace
www.afghanscene.com www.afghanscene.com Afghan Scene November 2009 37
Travel scene
Afghan Scene November 2009
Helmand’s
ancient ruins
Once a favourite picnic spot for 1950s diplomats, JEROME STARKEY goes
sight-seeing in Afghanistan’s most dangerous province
UNDERGROUND: Caverns cut into the mountain
T
here’s nothing like the prospect of
an impromptu Taliban checkpoint to
keep you looking at the scenery on a
dive through rural Helmand. And so
long as no one hauls you out of your Corolla,
severs your head and spoils your holiday, it’s
well worth a look. Six miles outside Lashkar
Gah – along a bumpy cobbled road – are the
spectacular ruins of Qala-e Bost, a pre-Islamic
citadel on the banks of the Helmand river.
Back in the days before civil war became a
national pastime, Bost was one of Afghanistan’s
leading tourist attractions, and it’s easy to
see why. A giant arch (as seen on the 100 Af
note) marks the ancient city gates. The top of
the fortress commands magnificent views of
38 Afghan Scene November 2009 www.afghanscene.com www.afghanscene.com
Travel scene
Afghan Scene November 2009
the vast plains that once linked traders from
India to Iran. Inside a series of cavernous rooms
plunge three stories into the gloom, lit only
by a central shaft that opens to the sky. These
day’s it has the advantage of being particularly
unspoilt by other visitors. Above ground there’s
evidence of the city’s former glory, smaller
arches and ruined walls. In the outlying fields
there are elaborate cemeteries and giant brick
kilns.
We decided not to loiter. In the city’s heyday
barges plied the river from Lashkar Gah to
Zaranj. An Arab traveller in the 10th Century
described the people there as “polite and
generous resembling in dress and manners the
people of Iraq”. Thing’s started to go wrong in
Afghan Scene November 2009 39
Travel scene
Afghan Scene November 2009
WELL I NEVER: The 100Afs arch
40 Afghan Scene November 2009
BATS MAN: Occassional tourists upset the residents
1151 when Bost was burned and looted by the
Ghorids. (Until then the Ghaznavids made it their
winter capital). Gengis Khan laid waste to what
was left in 1220, although fruits still grew in its
gardens until Tamerlane ravaged the irrigation
system, and in the words of Nancy Dupree,
“consigned Bost to oblivion in 1383”.
Today there are a handful of police who protect
the site. Our driver, fixer and guide (a worthy
investment for would-be Helmand tourists) said
they were more trustworthy than the last lot, but
we didn’t want to give anyone time to radio our
location. There’s only one road out and one road
back, and you forfeit tourists’ bragging rights if
you’re dead. If Helmand’s not for you, there are of
course more recent ruins much closer to the capital.
www.afghanscene.com www.afghanscene.com
Travel scene
Afghan Scene November 2009
How to get there: Ariana, Pamir and USAID
sometimes fly from Kabul to Lashkar Gah. Best
not drive.
Where to stay: The Bost Hotel is a shadow of
its former glory, but promises a river view and
an empty swimming pool, on a secure road
behind the governor’s compound. Alternatively
CADG run a guest house with internet in the old
USAID 1950s clubhouse, where the chef’s been
cooking Americana fusion food for almost half
a century.
Getting around: Scene recommends working
with a trusted local colleague who knows the
ground, well.
Afghan Scene November 2009 41
Travel scene
Afghan
Afghan Scene
Scene November
November 2009
2009
Wakhan Tourism
Takes Off
DAVID JAMES on how peace, tranquillity and stunning landscapes are now
just a short flight away from Kabul
G
ive me one hour and I’ll change the
way you think about Afghanistan
forever.
One hour that’s now all it takes to
get from Kabul to the extraordinary Wakhan
Corridor.
Marco Polo, the Silk Route, the river Oxus,
the Great Game, the Hindu Kush, the King’s
hunting ground, Noshaq, snow leopards. There’s
always been many reasons to visit the Wakhan
but until now there were nearly as many
obstacles.
For expatriates living in Kabul a trip to the
Wakhan used to mean three to five days driving
on sometimes insecure and unmettled roads,
days of bureaucratic wranglings to obtain
the Wakhan permit and hours of phone calls
and web surfing to scrape together the barest
minimum of information.
In the last few weeks there’ve been two
major developments for tourism in the Wakhan.
First a new Afghan owned business, Wakhan
Tourism, has begun providing visitors with a
one-stop shop for all tourism related services,
42 Afghan Scene November 2009
including the elusive Wakhan permit. Second,
PACTEC have started flying directly into the
Wakhan from Kabul.
PACTEC can only carry NGOs who are
registered with them, but by building a
series of runways in the Wakhan they have
potentially opened the door for commercial
flights that could revolutionise tourism and
sustainable development in the area.
PACTEC have opened their first airstrip at
the village of Peggish which is about three
hours from Ishkashim in the west and 8-9
hours from Sarhad-e Broghill in the east.
You wouldn’t really notice there’s an airstrip
at all as PACTEC have just commandeered a
straight and relatively flat piece of road and
made it slightly flatter and straighter. There’s
a very North by Northwest image as the five-
seater Cessna buzzes the runway to warn off
any unwary drivers before making a second
pass to land. It is particularly amusing to
see the look of utter disbelief on the faces of
oncoming drivers as the plane taxis along the
road.
www.afghanscene.com
Travel scene
Afghan Scene November 2009
the help of Wakhan
Tourism British trekking
company Wild Frontiers
ran their first full length
tour in the Wakhan earlier
this year and as a result
injected more than $10,000
directly into the local economy.
In such a poverty-stricken area this relatively
Stepping out of the aircraft onto small amount has the power to change lives.
a dirt road in the middle of nowhere to The hope is that next year a handful more tour
meet the waiting Land Cruisers has a certain operators will run tours in the Wakhan and with
romantic charm to it compounded by the the potential of direct commercial flights from
dizzying contrast with the hustle of Kabul. Kabul there’s a real possibility of a mini economic
The remote, mountainous and ruggedly boom in the north east.
beautiful Wakhan is shockingly different from Apparently it is possible to land a 30-seat DC3
the perception most people have of Afghanistan, on the airstrips being constructed in the Wakhan.
including people who have lived here for a long Just imagine being able to leave the congestion
time. Gone are the blast walls, ruined tanks and and confinement of Kabul to spend a long
nervous security guards replaced by open doors, weekend fishing on Lake Chaqmatin, or mountain
docile yaks and humiliatingly generous people. biking gently downhill from the picturesque
Here high in the Hindu Kush is a paradigm Sarhad-e Broghill to the historic Qala-e Panja, or
portal. On one side is a sense of fear, failure and working with local women to design jewellery and
frustration and on the other friendship, hope carpets for international export. The possibilities
and possibility. are endless and all for the greater good.
However this is no Shangri-La; the women Although the tourism programme in the
of Badakhshan suffer the highest recorded Wakhan has been running for a number of years it
maternal mortality rate in the world. More than looks like the unintentional combination of a new
one in three children die before the age of five. Afghan tourism company and airstrips could see
In the winter temperatures drop below minus the industry finally take off.
twenty five, food runs out and people starve.
Tourism has been recognised as perhaps
the only viable option the local people have To find out more about tourism in the Wakhan
for sustainable economic development. With visit www.mountainunity.org
www.afghanscene.com Afghan Scene November 2009 43
Farewell scene Food scene
Afghan Scene November 2009 Afghan Scene November 2009

Lapis is Afghanistan’s leading

Red meat
full service strategic
communications company:
Lapis Ltd is the PR division of the award-winning Moby Group (MG) - Afghanistan’s leading privately

sizzling
owned and integrated media company, with a strong emphasis on client service and a passion

and
for our clients’ businesses. We are currently recruiting for positions within our small, thriving
consultancy for talented and experienced public relations staff who have worked in a recognised
agency on corporate accounts, preferably on donor-funded or government projects. You should
be comfortable working in a challenging environment. Our client list includes many well-known
Afghan and International organisations.

Project/Account Managers - you will have the ability to manage complex projects and
multiple activities simultaneously, in a swiftly changing environment. Scene’s new restaurant reviewer SAMIR SATCHU gives his verdict
Create proposals and develop contracts:
on a Tex Mex legend

T
* Oversee project implementation to ensure deliverables are met in accordance with contract
or grant conditions he editor seemed pressed. We had “That’s right”, replied the editor.
* Maintain accounts management tracking system (tracking contracts, dates, contacts, bumped into each other after work “Someone erudite.”
invoices, payments made/outstanding, etc) at a Kabul jardin well known for “Indeed.”
* Develop and hold responsibility for project management planning and tracking tools for large its ambience and more recently for “I’m your man.”
projects/grants/contracts a French proprietor with a penchant for A light Kabul breeze blew through the
* Monitor and evaluate success of projects and report, verbally and in writing, to project spouting Immanuel Kant in defence of his garden. The rabbits pricked their ears. A
donors/clients
fare. grand bargain was struck and we raised our
* Support and liaise with donors and commercial contacts
* Develop content on an ‘as needed’ basis I suspect that we had both had a couple IBs to “Samir’s Suppers.”
* Degree in communications/media/international relations/related field of pre-prandial international beverages (IBs). The timing was not so bad. My book
* Successful implementation of USAID or similar donor-funded projects “I need someone to write restaurant concept “Afghanistan Calling: Phone Wars,
* 3+ years experience in communications/project and client management reviews,” said the editor. Dropped Calls and High Jinks in Kabul” was not
* Agency experience is a must “You need a bit of a ponce who has grown generating the excitement or pre-publication
* Demonstrated understanding of media and media communications up on a diet of Michael Winner, A.A. Gill and cash flow I had anticipated and had been
Giles Coren,” I said. blocked by my corpulent superior.

Interested applicants please forward your CV and covering letter to jobs@lapis.com.af

44 Afghan Scene November 2009 www.afghanscene.com www.afghanscene.com Afghan Scene November 2009 45

Lapis is a Moby Group Company – “engaging, educating and entertaining Afghanistan since 2002”
Food scene
Afghan
Afghan Scene
Scene November
November 2009
2009
Being asked to join the editor in his
quest to transform Scene into something
of significance, a Peshawari Private Eye
or Mazari Monocle, seemed a worthy
substitute.
We settled on Red Hot Sizzling (RHS),
by all accounts, home to beef of certain
provenance, and barbed members of the
private security fraternity planning their
next round of highly ambiguous hazing
rituals.
I met the editor and a couple of
photographers at RHS the following week
– I assumed the photographers were there
to capture the onion loaf which bore
an uncanny resemblance to a miniature
Beijing’s Bird Cage stadium.
46 Afghan Scene November 2009
GOT IT WRAPPED: More brown Tex Mex favourites
Whilst the editor and photographers tried
to convey among their fellow diners suitably
hardened dispositions by exchanging embed
stories, I scanned the scene. Coldplay was on
the music system and Crufts (a dog show of
some pedigree) on TV. I noted the faux exposed
mock post-conflict brickwork, a subtle nod to a
city not lacking examples of the real thing. On
one exposed brick, someone had scrawled “Up
your posterior, no babies.” There were also no
women.
We started, as one must, with a selection
of pre-prandial international beverages. The
grape variety, of which there was “white” and
“red”, was declared to be “perfectly acceptable”
by our latest guest, the editor’s friend and the
restaurant’s only visible female diner. Grain-
www.afghanscene.com
Food scene
Afghan Scene November 2009
The proprietor either We asked for the dessert menu. The clock
had just struck 10pm the kitchen had closed
had an extremely for the night.
We felt let down, but went our separate
healthy sense of ways back into the increasingly electrified
Kabul night, content and ballot-boxed stuffed,
irony, or none at all quietly hoping that in the kitchen of life, just
desserts would be reserved for the stuffers.
Notes: The location of the gentlemen’s loo
derived IBs struck me as being diluted but that (an outhouse) is perhaps not most comforting
could well say more about the reviewer than the as the winters draw in.
quality of the IB. RHS is generally not for lunching ladies
The RHS menu follows a theme evoking the but we did notice that there had been some
call of the wild, subtly reinforcing the post- male and female diners eating in the semi-
conflict brickwork motif. Reading through the private rooms off to the side of the main
menu, the Calgary Stampede Wings (served restaurant.
warm and without blue cheese dipping sauce), I wonder if I can impose on our friends,
the Cowboy Fritters, the Texan Fries (excellent members of the Japanese community in
thick cut fries according to the editor), and Afghanistan. A friend and I are trying to get
the Gold Rush Chops, I came to the conclusion a hold of some Kobe beef In Kabul. It would
that the proprietor, the owner of a construction have to be halal, which raises the interesting
company called Red Sea I believe, either had an moral question, as to whether a sober cow
extremely healthy sense of irony, or none at all. that has been massaged with an international
Was RHS in fact mocking the private security beverage can be eaten in accordance
cowboys yet making money from them, and with local culinary customs and religious
Kabul the new Klondike? I suspected not, at norms. Answers on an electronic post-
least not intentionally so. card to ssatchu@hotmail.com – in fact all
RHS is about red meat and it’s quite possibly correspondence is most welcome, particularly
the best red meat in Kabul. It’s not about from philosopher-quoting restauranteurs. It’s
salad (although there are cowboy dressings an imperative.
– reinforcing my sense that something very Please be reassured that that the early
funny is going on). The editor’s friend, in order focus on steak is not a sign of things to
to ensure diversity of choice, chose the fish. It’s come. Vegetarian options will be given shrift
not about the fish, which was overcooked. of some sort, and we will start to delve into
But the steaks do sizzle and one of the the kebab. Suggestions for authentic Kabuli
photographers was very bullish on the baby kebaberies that do not pose too much of an
back ribs. abduction risk are most welcome. �
www.afghanscene.com Afghan Scene November 2009 47
Farewell scene Farewell scene
Afghan Scene November 2009 Afghan Scene November 2009

48 Afghan Scene November 2009 www.afghanscene.com www.afghanscene.com Afghan Scene November 2009 49
 Party scene Party scene
Afghan Scene November 2009 Afghan Scene November 2009

Be scene
Share your event or party pics with Aghan Scene. email editor@afghanscene.com

E SCENE
FLAME-THRILLED:
KICKER: Ian,
Mega chef Jackie andcooks
Rahmatullah Noreen at the Gandamack
up a storm MUD ABOUT THE GIRL: Rammed earth man Graham I WANT MY MTV: Journo Sabrina chats to media tycoon, Viacom Tom EASY AS 123: ABC boys Clark, Matthew and Nick on
at the BBC tries his wiles on Gemma the prowl in Kabul

ROCKY HORROR PICTURE? NO: A recent snap of Maria, RAISING THE BARR: Heather Barr makes good with Telegraph Ben EMBEDDING JOURNALISTS: Press sec Gemma feeds Ian a line GIVE ME PATIENCE: Graham, the BBC’s Martin Patience
Rob, Kate and Nadene and the Scarlett lady

50 Afghan Scene November 2009 www.afghanscene.com www.afghanscene.com Afghan Scene November 2009 51
 Party scene Party scene
Afghan Scene November 2009 Afghan Scene November 2009

CARELESS WHISKERS: Flash man Micheal PLEASED LOUISE: Army girl Louise grins EU TALKIN TO ME?: Euro-trash George DIGGINS FOR VICTORY: Defence attache Simon NELSON’S MEN: Jawad, Mobin, Fayez, Ahmad, Toryalay
shows off his hair lip at Dan’s farewell strain’s Martin’s patience with sweetheart Suzanne and Khalid prepare to go into action on Trafalgar night

DOOG-OODER: DFID’s Jane Doogan at Sherry’ farewell FLU YOU LOOKIN AT?: Kabul swine correspondent Golnar WHEN HARRY MET SAMMY: TMF men Harry and Sam BOONE TOWN RATS: The two Jon Boone’s on embassy street
checks Jules for symptoms at an embassy hurrah

52 Afghan Scene November 2009 www.afghanscene.com www.afghanscene.com Afghan Scene November 2009 53
 Party scene Party scene
Afghan Scene November 2009 Afghan Scene November 2009

KICKER:
STARKEYMichael
STRIKES:atKate
Dan’sand
leaving
Jerome
bash
at Dan’sKICKER:
leaving Army
do girl Louise at
LAST
theSHERRY
Dan’s AT THEKICKER:
BARR: George
Kabul quitter
and Martin
Sherryatflanked
Daniel’sby OH-MAR GOD: ABC’s Nick get’s blind with HEIDI HIDE: AP’s Heidi at the the US SUPER GLAM: Mad scientist John and superman
leaving do Heather Barr and Jon
leaving
Burchdo fancy dress detective Aryn embassy’s pumpkin carving Halloween party Brian at the American Halloween bash

KICKER:
IT’S NOT DFID
THE SPINNING
Jane Doogan
THAT
at COUNTS:
Dan’s leaving
Pressdoattaches Carrie, KICKER:
BEEB BEEB:
Golnar
Britsand
Richard
Jules at
andDaniel’s
Andy flank
leaving
Aussie
partyTV guru Tiggy on a break KINGS OF SPIN: Messaging maestros Allan and IN DA HOOD: Wideboy “Aleem G” tellin it SORRY MISS JACKSON: Kabul lovelies Hanna and
Paul and Mel at the embassy mess from Afghanistan’s hottest cops and robbers drama Sandra chat lines to take an embassy soiree like it is, innit Ashley J share a lonely moment at the Flower St Cafe

54 Afghan Scene November 2009 www.afghanscene.com www.afghanscene.com Afghan Scene November 2009 55
Book scene
Farewell scene Farewell scene
Now in Afghan Scene!
Afghan Scene November 2009 Afghan Scene November 2009

KABUL CLASSIFIEDS TO LET

Four bed house Qall-e-Fatullah
Trying to sell a bicycle or looking for love? Ref 8067 Saloon, two bathrooms
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Email: classified@afghanscene.com
Afghan Scene November 2009 www.afghanscene.com
Post your ads for FREE! Email: classified@afghanscene.com
www.afghanscene.com Afghan
Afghan Scene
Scene October 2009
November 59
57
Farewell scene Farewell scene
Afghan Scene November 2009 Afghan Scene November 2009

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Essential scene Farewell
Feature scene
Afghan Scene November 2009 Afghan Scene November 2009

Afghan Essentials
Where to stay, where to eat, where to Shop. And how to pay for it.
Afghan Scene Making Life Easier

Hotels and Guesthouses Restaurants
Kabul Serena Hotel Delivery
Froshgah Street Easyfood
www.serenahotels.com Delivers from any restaurant
Tel: 0799 654 000 to your home
www.easyfood.af
Safi Landmark Hotel & Suites Tel: 0796 555 000, 0796
Charahi Ansari 555 001
www.safilandmarkhotelsuites.com
Tel: 0202 203 131 Afghan
Rumi
The Inter Continental Hotel Qala-e Fatullah Main Rd,
Baghe Bala Road
between Streets 5 & 6
www.intercontinentalkabul.com Tel: 0799 557 021
Tel: 0202 201 321
Sufi
Gandamack Lodge Muslim Street, Shar-e Naw
Sherpur Square
www.sufi.com.af Tel: 0774
www.gandamacklodge.co.uk 212 256, 0700 210 651
Tel: 0700 276 937
Herat Restaurant
Mustafa Hotel Shar-e Naw, main road,
Charahi Sadarat Diagonally opposite Cinema
www.mustafahotel.com
Park
Tel: 070 276 021
Khosha Restaurant
Heetal Plaza Hotel Above the Golden Star
Street 14, Wazir Akbar Khan Hotel. Tel: 0799 888 999
www.heetal.com
Tel: 0799 167 824, 0799 159 697 Mixed/Western
The Lounge
UNICA Guest House Lane 2, left, off Street 15,
Kolola Pushta, opposite Wazir Akbar Khan. Tel: 0796
Royal Mattress 174 718, 0700 037 634
Tel: 0797 676 357
Fat Man/What-a-Burger Cafe
The International Club Wazir Akbar Khan, main
Haji Yaqoob Square, Street 3, Shar-e road, On the bend near
Naw. Tel: 0774 763 858
Masoud Circle Tel: 0700 298
301, 0777 151 510
Golden Star Hotel
Charrhay Haji Yaqoob, L’Atmosphere
Shar-e Naw. www.kabulgolden- Street 4, Taimani
starhotel.com Tel: 0798 224 982, 0798
Tel: 0799 333 088, 0799 557 281
413 872
Roshan Hotel Flower Street Café
Charaye Turabaz Khan,
Street 2, Qala-e Fatullah.
Shar-e Naw. Tel: 0700 293 124, 0799
Tel: 0799 335 424
356 319
Cabul Coffeehouse & Café
Street 6, on the left, Qale-e Fat-
ullah Tel: 0752 005 275
Le Bistro
One street up from Chicken
Street, Behind the MOI,
Shar-e Naw Tel: 0799-598852
Red Hot Sizzlin’ Steakhouse
District 16, Macroyan 1, Nader
Hill Area Tel: 0799 733 468
Le Pelican Cafe du Kabul
Darulaman Road, almost
opposite the Russian Embassy.
Bright orange guard box.
Tex Mex
La Cantina
Third left off Butcher St,
Shar-e Naw
Tel: 0798 271 915
Lebanese
Taverne du Liban
Street 15, Lane 3,
Wazir Akbar Khan
Tel: 0799 828 376
The Grill
Street 15, Wazir Akbar Khan.
Tel: 0799 818 283,
0799 792 879
Cedar House
Behind Kabul City Centre,
Shar-e Naw Tel: 0799-121412
Turkish
Istanbul
Main road, on the left, between
Massoud Circle Jalalabad Road
Roundabout.
Tel: 0799-407818
Iranian
Shandiz
Pakistan Embassy Street, off
Street 14 Wazir Akbar Khan
Tel: 0799-342928
Italian/Pizza
Everest Pizza
Street 10, Wazir Akbar Khan
www.everestpizza.com
Tel: 0700 263 636, 0779 317 979
Boccaccio
Street 10, Wazir Akbar Khan
Tel: 0799 200 600
Bella Italia
Street 14, Wazir Akbar Khan
Tel: 0799 600 666
Springfield Restaurant
Lane 3, Street 15,Wazir Akbar
Khan Tel: 0799 001 520
Indian
Namaste
Street 15, Wazir Akbar Khan,
Between lanes 2 and 3 on the
right. Tel: 0772 011 120
Delhi Darbar
Shar-e Naw, close to UK Sports
Tel: 0799 324 899
Anar Restaurant
Lane 3, Street 14,
Wazir Akbar Khan
Tel: 0799 567 291
Chinese
Golden Key Seafood
Restaurant
Lane 4, Street 13, Wazir Akbar
Khan. Tel: 0799 002 800, 0799
343 319
Thai
Mai Thai
House 38, Lane 2, Street 15,
Wazir Akbar Khan
Tel:0796 423 040
Korean
New World
Between Charayi Haji Yacub
and Charayi Ansari, on the
right. Shar-e Naw.
Tel: 0799 199 509
Supermarkets, Grocers & Butchers
A-One
Bottom of Shar-e Naw Park
Chelsea
Shar-e Naw main road, opposite Kabul
Bank
Spinneys
Wazir Akbar Khan, opposite British
Embassy
Finest
Wazir Akbar Khan Roundabout
Fat Man Forest
Wazir Akbar Khan, main road.
Enyat Modern Butcher
Qala-e Fatullah main road,
Near street four
ATMs
Kabul City Centre, Shar-e Naw (AIB
AIB Main Office, Opposite Camp Egg-
ers (AIB)
AIB Shar-e Naw Branch, next to Chelsea
Supermarket (AIB)
HQ ISAF, Outside Cianos Pizzeria, US
Embassy Street (AIB)
KAIA Military Airbase, Outside Cianos
Pizzeria, Airport (AIB)
Finest Supermarket, Wazir Akbar Khan
(AIB)
World Bank Guard Hut, Street 15 Wazir
Akbar Khan (Standard Chartered)
Standard Chartered Branch, Street 10,
Wazir Akbar Khan (Standard Chartered)
Want to get on the Afghan
Essentials list of places to eat
and sleep?
Contact sales@afghanscene.com

64
60 AfghanScene
Afghan SceneNovember
November2009
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If it’s any consolation Ma’am, we did vote I remember the good old days
him ‘Dead Soldier of the Month’. when you could come right out
and offend whoever you pleased
and no-one cared

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New
calling
York
Despite the ass-grabbers and freezing winters journalist and think tanker
KIM BARKER looks back on seven great years in Afghanistan
BIRDS AND BEES: Kim learns the facts of life at a community midwives training centre
When did you first come to Afghanistan?
I first came to Afghanistan in January 2002 as
a journalist for the Chicago Tribune, to cover a
three-day trip by the WFP executive director. I
forgot my computer adaptor in Islamabad. I also
forgot my money. After being told the nearest
cash station was in Pakistan, I borrowed $400
from the now belated Wais at the Mustafa
Hotel. I then walked to Chicken Street and
bought a carpet, which lasted a year, until I
threw up on it.
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Best of times?
Definitely the summer of 2006, better known as
the summer of the Fun House. Staying up until
2am on most school nights, hanging out on the
day bed during the day, finally seeing someone
win a bet over the day bed at night, and eating
Belinda’s cooking on a regular basis. And, as a
bonus, witnessing the absurdity of Alex Vegas
trying to peddle illicit substances smuggled into
Afghanistan in toothpaste tubes. Minty fresh,
indeed. I guess I should add that
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I also wrote some of my favorite stories that Favourite place in Afghanistan?

summer, about the return of the Taliban and
other important issues.
Worst of times?
Definitely the winter. Any winter. Except for the
times we went tubing with the Afghans on the
golf course, winter here sucked.
What will you miss most?
The people. I mean, isn’t it obvious? I’ll miss
my friends, but I’ll also miss the Afghans and
the feeling that everything here matters a lot
more than a vodka martini in Manhattan. I’ll
miss the adrenaline, the story, the camaraderie.
I hope I don’t turn into a drug addict without
Afghanistan.
What will you miss least?
The butt grabbers, especially the ones who think
they are being subtle by just “accidentally”
tapping your butt with the back of a hand. There
should be a special level of hell for the butt
grabbers of Afghanistan and Pakistan. Which
reminds me of my theory of how to bring peace to leaving the region after more than five years
the region – import planeloads of prostitutes and of living here, I’ll probably be back, because
pay them a year’s salary up front. Who needs to
fight when you have love? Or regular sex, at least. junkie. �
The zoo, because it symbolises everything
that has gone wrong in this country and
everything that has gone right. Sure, most
of the animals have died off in horrible
ways – a grenade, a swallowed boot, rabies
– and the lone surviving pig was quarantined
after the swine flu outbreak, and true, the
monkey abuse that happens on a regular
basis is appalling, but here is one place in
Afghanistan where men and women and
children can go to have fun together, even if
that includes throwing rocks at the animals.
Or riding in the rickety Ferris wheel, or the
vomit-inducing swinging boat.
What happens next?
New York, baby. I’ll be a fellow with the
Council on Foreign Relations, which means I’ll
be paid to think about serious issues. At the
same time, I’ll be writing a funny book about
the war on terror, which should be released
by spring of 2011. The working titles – “The
Taliban Shuffle,” or “Whack-a-stan!” – but
I’m open to suggestions. And yeah, while I’m
Afghanistan is the Hotel California, and I am a

“On the other hand, because of the biased and distorted

reporting on Afghanistan by the western-controlled
world media, maybe we only think life is shit....”

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