Approach Anxiety Notes

I. What are some causes of approach anxiety?

1. Hardwired from evolutionary times
2. Socialization: how you were brought up
3. Lacking a skill: nervous because we dont know how to do it
4. Value calculations: Could you start a conversation with a 12yr
old girl or a fat ugly girl? YES, but if I asked you to start a
conversation with a playmate could you do that?
II. What are some strategies for dealing with approach anxiety?
1. Practice makes perfect
a. Just get out there and approach as many girls as possible
until you are desensitized
2. Not caring (outcome independence).
a. Who cares youll never see her again anyways
3. Self Esteem: the cause of every inner game issue.
a. We think the girls above us.
b. Get your value from yourself not the girl

4. Acceptance: Accept approach anxiety
5. Reframing: Change the context
a. Social experiment
b. Just trying things out
c. See if she meets your standards

6. Change your state
a. Be talkative
b. Listen to music
c. Talk to friends
d. Give high fives
e. Smile
f. Use your breadth to calm yourself
7. Progressive Desensitization: start small and work your way up
Example:
First: Walk towards a woman you find attractive (repeat
20 times)
Next: Just say hello then walk away (repeat 20 times)
Next: Ask women wheres the nearest
Starbucks? (repeat 20 times)
Etc.
8. Creative Visualization: Visualize the approach and how it would
go. The same muscles and parts of your brain will be activated
as if you actually approached
III. Other Things to Consider
1. If she doesnt know who you are as a person then shes not
rejecting you
2. Thinking is death in the field.
a. Be fully present and in the moment
b. Dont think about it, just start walking towards her
3. If you have value calculation issues then you can start with less
attractive women and work your way up
4. Can you approach a girl and ask her, excuse me, wheres the
nearest Starbucks? If you can do that, then you dont have
approach anxiety, end of story!
IV. Infield Assignments:
1. Sit down either today or tomorrow, in a public place and make a
list of 20 observations and what kind of comment you could
make.
Examples: interesting clothing, jewelry, body language, style,
energy, etc.
Examples: cool scarf, you have an awesome sense of style,
thats such a unique necklace, was that a gift or something you
bought for yourself?, you have such a confident walk
2. Make as many observations and comments as possible.
Anytime you see any of the 20 observations that you wrote
down, say a quick throw away comment. Remember, it
doesnt matter if he/she responds. The point is that YOU say
something. This will keep you in a social state 24/7.
3. Ask two women a day for directions OR for their opinion on
something.
Examples:
Excuse me, do you know where the nearest Starbucks is?
Excuse me, do you know what time it is?
Hey this is random, but I need a female opinion on
something (if youre more advanced)
V. Next Week
Make sure you do these exercises because next week well be
talking about how to approach women during the day (day
game), so the assignments will start getting tougher as well
begin moving a lot quicker.