Date: 18th November, 2031

Occasion: Last match of the 243rd ODI series between India and Sri Lanka.
Venue: Presentation, Chinnaswamy Stadium, Bengaluru.

Ravi shastri (yes, its still him): Now Id like to invite the living legend, the man who has played for India
for over 20 years, Viraaaaat Kohli! (Kohli walks up to the stage). Virat, the mike is all yours!
Virat Kohli: Thank you, Ravi. All my friends and foes, settle down, I will get more and more aggressive
talking.. (crowd cheers louder. This frustrates Kohli). I said shut the f**k up! (Crowd immediately goes
silent)Id like to thank a few people who stood by me all these years, supported me, understood that its
just the way I am, every time I showed the middle-finger and gracefully moved on. Ive created a list also
(he chuckles), but if I forget someone, please understand that it IS deliberate, intentional and you deserve
to be ignored.
First of all, I thank my mom and dad. My mother, I dont know how she dealt with such a foul mouthed
child like me. I was not easy to manage. She just prayed and prayed for me, and while I dont think her
prayers and blessings have sweetened my tongue, but they most definitely have given me the strength to
go out and perform, so a big thank you to my mother for all the sacrifices.
My brother Vikash, now what do I talk about him? I dont know. He was the one who spotted the spark in
me. You will find this hard to believe but even last night he called to discuss my dismissal, and continued
to chatter until I told him bencho, ab so jaa, but thats just the habit we have developed, the rapport we
have developed, since my birth, has continued and it will continue. Maybe when Im not playing cricket we
will still be discussing technique.
Next I thank all the women I have er been friends with, which continuously motivated me to play well,
both on and off the field. I thank all the brands like Pepsi, Royal Challenge, Fastrack and more who
believed in me and offered me crores of money for a small bullsh*t 10 second ad. Seriously, thank you
guys, you boosted my morale. And thank you Anushka Sharma. Most important of all, I thank BCCI for
setting up SO MANY India-Sri Lanka matches all through my career without which my century count
would be half as much. I thank all the Sri Lankan bowlers for making my journey so memorable.
During my career, I played with some incredible bowlers like Ishant Sharma and Vinay Kumar who helped
the opposition set up huge targets so I could chase them down and hit more centuries. So, I thank all
those bowlers who are indirectly, actually directly, responsible for me being a legend today. So thank you,
Lambu. (waves at Ishant)
In my school days, when I performed well, the media backed me a lot. They continue to do that till this
morning. Thank you so much to the media for supporting and appreciating my performances. It surely had
a positive effect on me. A big thank you to all the photographers for those wonderfully captured moments,
except the guy who clicked me flipping the bird in Australia. To him I say f**k you (shows middle finger,
and the crowd roars.)
I want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart, and also say that time has flown by rather quickly, but
the memories you have left with me will always be with me forever and ever, especially that Kohli Kohli
and that boooooo which will reverberate in my ears till I stop breathing. Thank you very much. If Ive
missed something, I hope you understand that its intentional. Thank you!