quotes: e

Boy, my office sure is quiet NOW THAT MY HP IS DEAD AS A ROCK!!!

-Rob Earhart
Coming up with a Cool Name is the hardest part of writing a new program.
-Rob Earhart
Compaq was founded by a farmer. Or is it just a coincidence that their definition of
"customer service" seems to come from its use in animal husbandry?
-Rob Earhart
Due to unforeseen circumstances, Rob Earhart will not be able to perform today; in his
absence, your standard bitterness, angst, and controversial statements on the unhinged list
will be provided by Chris Hanson. We apologize for the inconvenience.
-Rob Earhart
God: Santa Claus for adults.
-Rob Earhart
here's a nickle, kid. go buy yourself a real computer.
-Rob Earhart
I'm obviously the James Joyce of computer programming.
-Rob Earhart
i'm up at 3:40 in the morning because i can't get back to sleep after waking up from a
dream in which i was recompiling my kitten with #define DISABLE_SHARP_CLAWS
and #define NO_TRACK_CAT_LITTER.
-Rob Earhart
I've been feeling quite depressed lately. So Dan says I should see this movie; something
called "The Wall." Anyone know what it's about?
-Rob Earhart
I've got your signal RIGHT HERE.
-Rob Earhart
if god meant for us to program, he's a sadist.
-Rob Earhart
life is cool, netscape blows
-Rob Earhart
Look, dude, I jump out of planes for kicks. Going half as fast just for the thrill of
wondering whether or not four rubber balloons will actually manage to keep me on the
road instead of sliding off the edge and dying is reasonably cool, but more horsepower
isn't gonna make it cooler...
-Rob Earhart
Look, if you didn't insist on using HTTP to walk your dog, maybe you wouldn't get
screwed by it so often.
-Rob Earhart
MS is just the biggest/most visible target. MS's products suck in some ways; so do
everyone's; people're just much more likely to have had to deal with MS products. I was
an Ultrix/SunOS/Solaris/HPUX/IRIX/Linux sysadmin for years, I've used several other
varieties of Unix a lot (Mach, AIX, &c), I've done Mac dev, and now I've had my fingers
deep in NT. I've programmed in dozens of languages, seen an incredible variety of
systems, and used countless applications. Everything Sucks.
-Rob Earhart
So the guys with the alpha are whining. They selected 'reset system to factory defaults.' It
erased the disk.
-Rob Earhart
SQL makes one feel like a "traditional" housewife: it does a lot of heavy work for you,
and brings home the bacon, but you gotta prepare to get screwed every so often.
-Rob Earhart
Well, come ON. You're in CA, you know how to TURN ON a computer, are you going
to go work for the freakin' DMV? No, you're going to go work for some STARTUP and
make a couple billion dollars and whine about how those jerks at the DMV can't get their
systems computerized properly.
-Rob Earhart
Women wonder why men aren't romantic; it's like wondering why your wonderfully
playful dog who you kicked in the head last night when it tried to greet you at the door is
looking rather sullen.
-Rob Earhart
Yeah! I should exchange keys with all the west-coasters while I'm out here, and then I
can exchange keys with all the east-coasters, and as long as you all believe that I'm
sufficiently anal-retentive, we can encrypt everything! Or something.
-Rob Earhart
Your silence speaks volumes, or if not volumes, at least the occasional unpunctuated
paragraph.
-Windom Earle "Twin Peaks"
Freaky Boys never actually have sex with anybody. They just think about it then go to
McDonald's and kill a lot of people.
-Tony Earley
I am looking for Henry Miller. I think he has stolen my life. It is my life he is leading,
stumbling around with - French people and eating roots with the natives. Those roots he
eats are my roots - my family roots. He devours them with gusto, with a verve and a
nerve that excludes me from the action. After searching high and low, I spy him engaged
in the usual drunken debauchery, and call him out. "Henry," I shout, "put down the
oranges of Heronimus Bosch and let's fight to the death like caged animals. With your
command of the native tongue, linguistic dexterity and your prose, so generously
peppered with obscenities, you should trounce me like an old lady. That's some kind of
funny life you are leading - I wonder who you stole it from."
-Elliot Peter Earls, The Apollo Program
Wasn't it Sheila E., that drummer woman who danced with Prince with such reckless
abandon - aren't her words the fountainhead of all our problems? These words are the
source from which all flows and to which all returns. She is indeed both the Tigris and
the Euphrates.
-Elliot Peter Earls, The Apollo Program
I already have a guilty conscience... I might as well have the money too.
-Wyatt Earp, "Tombstone"
I have strong feelings about gun control. If there's a gun around, I want to be controlling
it.
-Clint Eastwood
There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get
married again.
-Clint Eastwood
If you call yourself a Designer, quit design, take up a new occupation (like tax auditor),
buy some non-black clothes, normal-sized glasses, burn your AIGA card, and do design
only as a hobby for awhile. Seriously.
-Eric Eaton
I returned and saw under the sun, that the race is not always to the swift, nor the battle to
the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet
favour to men of skill; but time and chance happen to them all.
-Ecclesiastes 9:11
Science is not a sacred cow. Science is a horse. Don't worship it. Feed it.
-Aubrey Eben
Everyone is a freshman at one point. A few grow out of it.
-Roger Ebert
Only an idiot doesn't go into his e-mail preferences and specify Plain Text instead of
HTML. This is such a sane use of resources I believe it was actually mentioned in the
Kyoto Accord.
-Roger Ebert
"Pearl Harbor" is a two-hour movie squeezed into three hours, about how on Dec. 7,
1941, the Japanese staged a surprise attack on an American love triangle. Its centerpiece
is 40 minutes of redundant special effects, surrounded by a love story of stunning
banality. The film has been directed without grace, vision, or originality, and although
you may walk out quoting lines of dialog, it will not be because you admire them.
-Roger Ebert
That he will pay extra for star quality is proven by the presence of Ron Jeremy as Clark,
the co-star of the movie he is making. Jeremy, for those not willing to admit they know
who he is, has been in more porn films than anyone else. His popularity is easily
explained: Every man alive believes that any woman would prefer him to Ron Jeremy.
-Roger Ebert
The clothing of the characters and the absence of cars and telephones and suchlike
suggest either the 1890s, or an Amish community. Everyone speaks as if they had studied
"Friendly Persuasion." The chief civic virtues are probity and circumspection. Here is a
village that desperately needs an East Village.
-Rober Ebert, review of M. Night Syamalan's "The Village"
"Brilliant," says the professor. "Very finely put. But I didn't quite understand it. Could
you repeat it?" I write the sentence down in my notebook, like everyone else in the
seminar. "The ode must traverse the problem of solipsism before it can approach
participating in the unity which is no longer accessible." When I have pieced it together, I
realise he is talking nonsense. I am struck by the thought that literary criticism - at least
as it is practised here - is a hoax.
-Helena Echlin
The real hero is always a hero by mistake; he dreams of being an honest coward like
everybody else.
-Umberto Eco
The terminal death of the universe is not for tomorrow.
-Umberto Eco
In the issues of December 16th 2000 to November 10th 2001, we may have given the
impression that George Bush had been legally and duly elected president of the United
States. We now understand that this may have been incorrect, and that the election result
is still too close to call. The Economist apologises for any inconvenience.
-The Economist
The trouble with this view is, er, the facts.
-The Economist, Dec 20, 2001
I doubt my getting fired from the Dairy Queen is a bellwether of recession, but it sure is a
bellwether of I stuck my wang in the butterscotch.
-Jake Edie
I do not believe that any type of religion should ever be introduced into the public schools
of the United States.
-Thomas Edison
Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like
work.
-Thomas Edison
There ain't no rules around here. We're trying to accomplish something.
-Thomas Edison
To invent, you need a good imagination and a pile of junk.
-Thomas Edison
A little learning is a dangerous thing but a lot of ignorance is just as bad.
-Bob Edwards
About the only people who don't quarrel over religion are the people who don't have any.
-Bob Edwards
The acid test is whether you take any pleasure in responding to the question, "What do
you do?" I can't bear it. That's the danger of midtown Manhattan, running into far more
successful contemporaries.
-Dick Edwards, Metroplitan
The only way I can lose this election is if I'm caught in bed with a dead girl or a live boy.
-Louisiana governor Edwin Edwards
Oh come on now. The minor deities are so eager to please, and the major ones have
backlogs out to the end of time. Pray to your favorite minor deity - you won't be sorry.
-Mark Edwards
A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social
ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeed be in a poor way if he had to be
restrained by fear and punshiment and hope of reward after death.
-Albert Einstein
Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not more so.
-Albert Einstein
Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.
-Albert Einstein
He (or she) to whom this emotion is a stranger, who can no longer wonder and stand rapt
in awe, is as good as dead.
-Albert Einstein
He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He
has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would fully suffice.
-Albert Einstein
I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be
fought with sticks and stones.
-Albert Einstein
If A equal success, then the formula is A equals X plus Y and Z, with X being work, Y
play, and Z keeping your mouth shut.
-Albert Einstein
If relativity is proved right the Germans will call me a German, the Swiss call me a Swiss
citizen, and the French will call me a great scientist. If relativity is proved wrong the
French will call me a Swiss, the Swiss will call me a German, and the Germans will call
me a Jew.
-Albert Einstein
Imagination is more important than knowledge.
-Albert Einstein
Now he has departed from this strange world a little ahead of me. That means nothing.
People like us, who believe in physics, know that the distinction between past, present,
and future is only a stubbornly persistent illusion.
-Albert Einstein
Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the
former.
-Albert Einstein
Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.
-Albert Einstein
So far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not certain. And so far as they
are certain, they do not refer to reality.
-Albert Einstein
The important thing is never to stop questioning.
-Albert Einstein
The majority of the stupid is invincible and guaranteed for all time. The terror of their
tyranny, however, is alleviated by their lack of consistency.
-Albert Einstein
The physicist's greatest tool is his wastebasket.
-Albert Einstein
The release of atom power has changed everything except our way of thinking...the
solution to this problem lies in the heart of mankind. If only I had known, I should have
become a watchmaker.
-Albert Einstein
The World is not dangerous because of those who do harm but because of those who look
at it without doing anything.
-Albert Einstein
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The
other is as though everything is a miracle.
-Albert Einstein
We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created
them.
-Albert Einstein
When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, you think it's only a minute. But when you sit
on a hot stove for a minute, you think it's two hours. That's relativity.
-Albert Einstein
You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York
and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you understand this? And radio operates
exactly the same way: you send signals here, they receive them there. The only difference
is that there is no cat.
-Albert Einstein
Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies in the final
sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not
clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its
laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at
all in any true sense. Under the clouds of war, it is humanity hanging on a cross of iron.
-Dwight D. Eisenhower
I think that people want peace so much that one of these days governments had better get
out of the way and let them have it.
-Dwight D. Eisenhower
Planning is everything; plans are nothing.
-Dwight D. Eisenhower
My father is Palestinian which explains my violent tendencies and my mom is Irish
which explains my violent tendencies as well.
-Nadiya El-Khatib
I think the great lesson of the 20th century is that you have to separate the ethics from the
aesthetics...The great lesson there is that you don't have to agree with what the Nazis did,
but, yes, be honest about it, they did have the best uniforms. A lot of people can't come to
terms with something as banal as that.
-Andrew Eldritch
If you design systems as though your immortal soul depended on them, then you will
tend to build more reliable systems.
-Electric Communities, "Dicing with the Devil: An Introduction to Secure Protocol
Design Using E Examples"
The way I lost weight was to be unemployed and deeply depressed, sleep through
breakfast and lunch, and have very little money to buy dinner. Willpower was not an
issue.
-Jonathan Elgart
Why waste negative entropy on comments, when you could use the same entropy to
create bugs instead?
-Steve Elias
I suppose some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.
-T. S. Eliot
I did a Taco Bell commercial where I just sort of bopped around, eating a taco in this
crowd having a big party in a Taco Bell parking lot. I think the extras got paid in burritos.
Then that Chihuahua came along and stole all our jobs.
-Shannon Elizabeth
There are all these different religions. What are they all arguing about? Market share!
-Chris Elliot
My philosophy of life is that the meek shall inherit nothing but debasement, frustration,
and ignoble deaths...
-Harlan Ellison
The two most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
-Harlan Ellison
Your children use drugs, and you told them to do it. You've been pushing chemicals on
TV for years: "Can't sleep? Take a drug. Not happy? Take a drug." ... Where in the world
did people get the idea that it's smart to get in a car and go fast? To get in a 4x4 and tear
up virgin land. You told them to do it. As much as you're subject to the whims of your
deranged clients, you rule the world. You have the reins to the most powerful medium in
the world - television. And the only people who can afford to advertise on television are
the lowest common denominator of goods ... stuff like McDonald's toad burgers.
-Harlan Ellison
As you know, we take requests for terminations very seriously. Yours was no exception.
In our continuing efforts to provide the very best customer service to out-of-state clients,
your request has been granted. The requested subject was taken behind the barn and shot.
-Jeremy Elson
It was an adolescent prank. I highly recommend it.
-Larry Ellison
We've had three major generations of computing: mainframes, client/server and Internet
computing. There will be no new architecture for computing for the next 1,000 years.
-Larry Ellison
Why does Woodside have lots of rich people driving pickup trucks? Late-model, clean
pickup trucks with leather seats, they've got cachet, as in: "I'm not a materialistic person
and I can prove it -- I drive a pickup truck." Trouble is, for me, I need a back seat for my
kids, my briefcase, my topcoat and, you know, the $4 million in cash that people think I
drive around with.
-Larry Ellison
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Beware when the great God lets loose a thinker on this planet. Then all things are at risk.
It is as when a conflagration has broken out in a great city, and no man knows what is
safe, or where it will end.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
He walks abreast with his days, and feels no shame in not 'studying a profession,' for he
does not postpone his life, but lives already. He has not one chance, but a hundred
chances.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Heroism feels and never reasons, and therefore is always right.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
I hate quotations.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after
our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect
sweetness the independence of solitude.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
only in our easy, simple, spontaneous action are we strong.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
Society never advances. It recedes as fast on one side as it gains on the other. For every
thing that is given, something is taken. Society aquires new arts, and looses old
instincts...The civilized man has built a coach, but has lost the use of his feet ...His
notebooks impair his memory; his libraries overload his wit; the insurance office
increases the number of accidents; and it may be a question whether machinery does not
encumber; whether we have not lost by refinement some energy, by a Christianity
entrenched in establishments and forms, some vigor of wild virtue....The arts and
inventions of each period are only its costume, and do not invigorate men. The harm of
the improved machinery may compensate its good.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
The solar system has no anxiety about its reputation.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
The true poem is in the poet's mind; the true ship is the ship-builder.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
To be great is to be misunderstood.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson
It is a statistical impossibility that everyone in the neighborhood can be a complete
butthead.
-Dave Engledow
A friend who was working at the Microsoft booth said that a number of people had come
up and asked to see it but that (a) the people working at the Microsoft booth were Mac
folks and (b) they didn't want to be tarred and feathered, an activity of some historical
note in Boston.
-Adam Engst
Naturally, we went the wacky capitalization route, though we admit that it takes hard
work, not just wacky capitalization, to make for a super-cool product.
-Adam Engst
the only thing vaguely scary about today's youth culture is its unprecedented purchasing
power
-Entertainment Weekly
The truth is out there. Over behind that rock. Oh, wait. It moved.
-Matthew Epp
... and we're doing it in such a way that we don't need to know why we're doing it...
-Dr. Michael Erdmann, on continuations in Scheme
Life is like a Wankel Engine. In between the emptiness of boredom and despair, and the
compression of stress in one's life, there's that one spark of enjoyment that keeps you
going.
-Lars Ericson
We must free ourselves from the prison of public education and politics.
-Epicurus, 300 B.C.
A girl with a future avoids the man with a past.
-Evan Esar
You have four years to escape with a degree. If you do not escape... you become staff.
-Dan Goldwasser and Brendan Dunham
Give me a couple of Uzis, a 44 Magnum, a couple grenades, a USAS 20 automatic
shotgun with napalm and explosive rounds, and... a crossbow.
-Chris Esko
I guess you miss the cool things when you're a mortal.
-Chris Esko
Seeing that the criminal justice system was not defending my rights, I released myself
into my own custody.
-Chris Esko
"Excuse me son, are you aware you were going 130mph back there? Hey, what's with the
assault rifles strapped to your bike?" "Just headed for Washington, D.C., officer."
-Axel Essbaum
if yer offended by naked devil-women giving each other oral sex you shouldn't walk in
and say "what kind of music do you listen to?"
-Axel Essbaum
The best thing about logging in from home is you can listen to music as loud as you want.
-Axel Essbaum
What's this "signal to noise" ratio? How'd you define "noise"?
-Axel Essbaum
nevermind, just answered my own question. if i can't shoot her, i'll sleep with her.
-Sarah Esser
Heaven is by Grace. If it was by merit you'd stay out & your dog would go in.
-Noel Estabrook
When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand box. I was an only
child....eventually.
-Noel Estabrook
A peanut butter and jelly sandwich, and a mug of Jasmine tea. What more could a man
want besides this and incredible wealth?
-Elliott Evans
When you go to vote, make sure not to flip your coin up so high that the other people see
it, and make sure you catch it and don't have to go crawling around on the floor looking
for it while hundreds of waiting voters snicker or you'll be really embarassed.
-Elliott Evans
Dear lord, please grant me the skill and ammunition to kill everyone who deserves to be
killed, the judgment to pass over those who don't, and the wisdom to ignore the
difference and just kill everybody.
-Elliott Evans
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, and a dark side.
-Elliott Evans
I have come to the decision that "user-friendly" is basically a mistake because it allows
any idiot to use a computer. Just like automatic transmissions are a mistake for the same
reason. Also books on tape, instant coffee, and disposable pens, but I digress.
-Elliott Evans
I've just about had it with this 'kinkier than thou' attitude.
-Elliott Evans
I shot Jon and all I got was his bloody tshirt.
-Elliott Evans
If you committed a crime, they can only hold you for 24 hours without pressing charges,
but if they just say, "He's nuts!" they can hold you for five times that; they just have to do
it in a different building with "orderlies" instead of "guards." Moral: If you're going to be
locked up, make sure it's for something you did, not something you thought.
-Elliott Evans
Just because you're not a member of the conspiracy, doesn't mean it isn't cool.
-Elliott Evans
...some of the newer beepers also have a vibra-mode. Don't keep these in your pants-
pocket, kids.....I'm so glad you called.
-Elliott Evans
The rhetoric of the pedagogy of the opressed really bites my weenie.
-Elliott Evans
After long thought, I and several of my friends came to the conclusion that this was
designed to prevent cheating. I won't comment on that: The idea that any student here
could not cheat if they wanted to is more insulting than the implication that they would.
-Ethan Evans
When will Microsoft embrace & extend porn?
-Scott Evans