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VOLUME THREE

I S S U E 39
09. 25.14
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Fi r s t Wor d Fl as hbac k | Renami ng Segui n Avenue | Obama vs I SI S
VOLUME THREE
I S S U E 39
09. 25.14
PL US: 7 DAY NEW BRAUNF EL S L I VE MUSI C GUI DE PL US: 7 DAY NEW BRAUNF EL S L I VE MUSI C GUI DE
WEEK THREE RESULTS: PAGE 14!
PRICKLY PEAR
LOUNGE
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2 AD SALES 830.358.2493
table of contents
8
Citizen
Soundcheck
The ONLY gui de of i t s ki nd
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cont est i s back for 2014!
1st Word
TI ME MACHI NE! Travel
back t o August 21 court esy
of t he TX Ci t i zen!
3
Cover Story
Josh want s t o make you t he
best cup of cof fee you've ever
had. We suggest you l et hi m.
6
Last Word
Col by t akes anot her swi ng
at t hi s whol e I SI S deal .
11
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Got a probl em? You wi l l .
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Because Aust i n, San Marcos and
San Ant oni o occasi onal l y have
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2 AD SALES 830.358.2493 2 AD SALES 830.358.2493 TXCITIZEN.COM 3
Mike Reynolds sprained both of his
typing fngers this past weekend
in a slow-water rescue in the
Comal River, and is out of
commission for the week. The
following is a reprint of the
August 21 First Word column,
which broke down the details of CBEs
contract with the 4-B Board. We referenced
the contract last week, and fgure its worth
repeating. The water issue noted at the
beginning of the article has been updated to
refect current spring fows.
Oh Hai! We Remember Water!
San Antonio Water System customers are
still watering their lawns once a week,
because they grabbed their water out
of the Edwards aquifer when we werent
looking and stuck it into the Carrizo for
safe keeping. SAWS refers to this water as
excess. We call it the Comal River. If it
werent for the City giving up its right to
sue to keep the flows at 200cfs, as SAWS
had a HUGE fear of us doing (per former
River Manager Nathan Pence), we might
have been able to restrict San Antonio from
pumping as much as it is from the Edwards
Aquifer. As it stands now, the only thing
preventing them from pumping the Comal
completely dry is an endangered fish.
The Fountain Darter lives at the
headwaters of the Comal. Since the Darters
only need a 30cfs fow to survive, thats
what SAWS promised we get to keep, on
average (which means zero at times). It
should be noted that God wanted the fsh
eliminated permanently from the Comal
after the 1950s drought, for reasons of His
own, but that plan was thwarted as arrogant
human hands reintroduced the Darter to the
Comal Springs back in 1975. Perhaps our
current dry spell is a sign that He intendeds
to fnish the job. Again.
File photo: The Comal Springs Fountain Darter
Anyway, here are your current fow rates,
as of press time:
Comal River, Old Channel: 59cfs
Comal River, New Channel:
(Not available due to maintenance)
Mmm
Tasty Corporate Welfare
Last Friday, a copywriter at KSAT 12 about
had a ft of ecstasy over the fact that a
multimillion-dollar* company is coming to
New Braunfels, creating hundreds of jobs in
the fraud prevention sector. Sounds pretty
sweet, right? Well consider this dismaying
observation: Its another freakin boiler room.
The fast-food of offce jobs.
In fact, the frm, CBE Companies, Inc, is
primarily a debt collection agency that will
employ a small army of telephone operators.
As you may have noticed, New Braunfels is
fast becoming a magnet for the prestigious
phone bank industry ever since 4-B committed
$1,000,000 to the Ibex Global project (not to
mention the millions provided to The Scooter
Store to keep them from moving to San Marcos).
Fraud prevention sounds like serious
business compared to collections, and
something that might run on professional
brainpower. But in the end, CBE is just
another a phone bank operation. Imagine
rows of human veal fattening up in tiny
grey pens while trying to collect on past
due bills. Ah, the glory.
Continued on page 5.
MIKE
REYNOLDS
WITH
WORD
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Continued from page 3.
I get it. A jobs a job, and Im all for any
kind of work that the free market provides and
regulates. But this isnt the free market at work.
This is the City, through Chamber of Commerce
personnel, that actually went out and courted,
then paid off this company to bring its low
paying jobs into town, and used tax dollars to
do it. Ninety percent of the jobs this company
is bringing in will be paying less than Buc-ees
pump-wipes make, which puts them right in the
KGNB salary wheelhouse. Were laying out
over $600,000 in cash and prizes to bring
CBE into our fair city. The least the 4-B Board
could do is insist they jack up their base wage
to distract us from the downside. I mean, they
must realize by now that were going to run
the numbers on these deals.
According to New Braunfels Development
Coordinator Jeff Jewell, heres how the jobs
are to breakdown:
90 percent customer service,
at $10 to $11 per hour
10 percent management,
with an average salary of $53,000
Lets look a little closer at that
management number, as it isnt exactly what
it seems. According to the 4-B contract,
CBE is required to hire 57 management-
level employees. While the average paid
to those employees is set at $53,000 per
year, the obligatory minimum any of them
are to receive is $37,000. That means 56
managers can be paid $37,000 each and
one guy can get $949,000 and CBE will
remain in compliance with the 4-B contract,
because 4-B doesnt look past its nose when
drafting these things. And why should it?
Theres never a penalty for incompetence in
Texas Most Corrupt City.
Hey. How about some insult to go
with the injury? According to the contract,
CBE is encouraged to hire locally. Not
required to. Why anyone would include an
encouragement in a contract is beyond me.
Attention City Attorney: Encouragement is not
binding or enforceable.
T
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Continued from page 3.
I get it. A jobs a job, and Im all for any
kind of work that the free market provides and
regulates. But this isnt the free market at work.
This is the City, through Chamber of Commerce
personnel, that actually went out and courted,
then paid off this company to bring its low
paying jobs into town, and used tax dollars to
do it. Ninety percent of the jobs this company
is bringing in will be paying less than Buc-ees
pump-wipes make, which puts them right in the
KGNB salary wheelhouse. Were laying out
over $600,000 in cash and prizes to bring
CBE into our fair city. The least the 4-B Board
could do is insist they jack up their base wage
to distract us from the downside. I mean, they
must realize by now that were going to run
the numbers on these deals.
According to New Braunfels Development
Coordinator Jeff Jewell, heres how the jobs
are to breakdown:
90 percent customer service,
at $10 to $11 per hour
10 percent management,
with an average salary of $53,000
Lets look a little closer at that
management number, as it isnt exactly what
it seems. According to the 4-B contract,
CBE is required to hire 57 management-
level employees. While the average paid
to those employees is set at $53,000 per
year, the obligatory minimum any of them
are to receive is $37,000. That means 56
managers can be paid $37,000 each and
one guy can get $949,000 and CBE will
remain in compliance with the 4-B contract,
because 4-B doesnt look past its nose when
drafting these things. And why should it?
Theres never a penalty for incompetence in
Texas Most Corrupt City.
Hey. How about some insult to go
with the injury? According to the contract,
CBE is encouraged to hire locally. Not
required to. Why anyone would include an
encouragement in a contract is beyond me.
Attention City Attorney: Encouragement is not
binding or enforceable.
Critical Thinking (Snicker)
Heres how Mary Phillips, CBEs Chief HR
Offcer used corporate-speak to describe
the customer service level jobs to KSAT, and
managed to leave one incomplete thought on
the table: Its going to be people in a contact
center environment, using their critical thinking
and decision making skills, along with their
customer service, uh, to make decisions on,
uh, whether a case might be fraudulent or not.
(Perhaps customer service skills is what she
meant to say. If so, she changed her mind when
she realized that nobody has those anymore.)
Anyway, wow. Thats a lot of responsibility
for $11 an hour. No wonder my credit cards
get suspended every time I drive into Louisiana.
Mr Reynolds, we noticed you bought gasoline
in two different states over the last few hours,
so we just put a little hold on your card so
youd begin to panic and eventually decide to
call in for help. Now if you could just verify, in
excruciating detail and reverse chronological
order, the last 11 charges you made, including
the reasons for those purchases and your state
of mind at the time, well get you on your way.
Please hold. I would like to think the person
who needs to use critical thinking skills to
determine if someone is committing a crime is
being paid a professional wage to do it.
Green Stands Alone
District One Councilman George Green was
the only member of City Council to vote against
the deal, and had this to say: It is great to
bring new jobs into NB but in my opinion it
should be jobs that help raise the standard of
living for our citizens; using our tax dollars to
do anything less is not accomplishing that.
According to HUD, the median family
income for a family of four is $61,300. Using
our tax dollars to bring in jobs that pays
$10.00 per hour working a typical 40 hour
work week with 52 weeks in a year fgures
to be $20,800/year gross. When you take
out taxes and other deductions it reduces net
income substantially. This does not help us
move up the socioeconomic ladder, it keeps
us down. I believe we can do better than that.
To further reinforce the point, a family of four
on that salary would be classifed by HUD as
Extremely Low Income. But hey, lets face it. These
deals are not intended to beneft the community
at large. Theyre meant to help businesses avoid
the, um, inconveniences of a free market, keep
those 4-B consultant contracts intact, and beneft
the Chamber of Commerce, to whom multimillion-
dollar businesses pay hefty membership fees.
And the City gets some tax money, which youd
think would keep taxes down for the rest of us. It
doesnt, as taxes were raised three times last year.
We are getting so incredibly shafted. Enjoy.
\m/
Mike Reynolds
Publisher/Editor-in-Chief
*Anytime somebody begins their pitch
of a business or industry with terms like
multimillion, you can be sure that hype and
manipulation are right around the corner.
Think about how many times youve heard
of various multi-level marketing operations
referred to as a multimillion-dollar company
in a multibillion-dollar industry. Its how they
hit the greed button right before they try to get
you to risk your money with them.
The implication is youll get a piece of
those millions or billions, and even the teeny-
tiniest, itsy-bitsiest sliver of that is a lot of
money, right? The reality is different, and
the marks for this kind of thing soon fnd that
theyve bought themselves into a low-income,
high-stress sales job that they most likely are
not suited for. Somebody at KSAT, and City
Hall, bought that pitch, because they work in a
bubble and thus the consequences for doing so
are non-existent. The rest of us dont have that
luxury. (But a gig like that does sound pretty
good. I could go for some slacking-off time.)
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6 AD SALES 830.358.2493 TXCITIZEN.COM 7
One of the ways to deconstruct an element,
such as a novel, is to apply a metaphor to an
object within the text and watch the story take
on new and unexpected meanings.
I have now decided that Dr. Jekyll is
a good cup of coffee, while Mr. Hyde is a
bad cup of coffee.
Like Mr. Hyde, a bad cup of coffee is evil
and I hate it. Bad brew makes me grab my
throat, emit guttural sounds, and smash test
tubes and beakers.
Speak with Josh Cunningham, owner of
Kora Kora Coffee, and you will get a valuable
lesson in what goes into making a great cup of
coffee. This is because Josh does not make a bad
cup of coffee. He would never forgive himself.
Making a great cup of coffee is vitally
important, which must be true since the
American coffee industry is a multi-billion
dollar business. According to the National
Coffee Association, Americans drink 382
million cups of coffee every day. And who
wants to drink 382 million cups of vile coffee?
Josh is an expert of making great coffee,
which is a good thing. For example, would you
want a dentist who wasnt an expert on teeth?
Would you want a mechanic who just cant wrap
his mind around that internal combustion thing?
I dont look at snobbery about coffee
as a bad thing, he said. I want people who
come in from high-class places in Austin and
San Antonio to come here and get a good cup
of coffee without the hipster vibe that comes
with it. Were cool here, but we take that same
pride in the coffee.
Like great wine, there is a lot to know
about making great coffee. At Kora Kora,
which marks its one-year anniversary on
October 1, the drinks refect the substantial
knowledge Josh has accumulated in the more
than 10 years hes been making coffee.
The frst important step to making great
Joe relies on where the coffee is grown, which
means more than simply what country the beans
(even though coffee is actually a fruit) come from.
We focus on offering single-origin
coffees, he said. Theyre not blends. Lots
of coffee shops will offer espressos or brews
that are from different regions, countries and
continents. They try to fnd a middle ground
that everybodys going to like.
I try to focus on options that give single
origins, which is coffee that comes from a
particular region of one particular country, from
one particular estate, with group of farmers who
elect to grow high-quality beans with the right
kind of climate in the right kind of hilly region.
The particular farm or estate where
the coffee is grown is vitally important, Josh
noted. This is because one estate could grow
exceptional coffee in the right way while down
the road, theres a guy with a ditch whos
growing coffee using runoff from the street, so
that coffee is naturally going to taste terrible.
Another important factor to the coffee is
how its roasted. Josh uses a friend and mentor
of his who roasts near Seattle, which is to coffee
what Tokyo is to vending-machine panties.
A lot of coffee shops around here want
to do something local and use Texas roasters,
but I found that roasters in the Northwest
have more experience roasting coffee, Josh
said. My friends coffee has been used in a
lot of competitions. Hes really in the upper
echelon of coffee roasters. Im the only
brewer in Texas using his coffee.
Then, of course, theres the actual
chemistry of making the coffee, which is what
makes the difference between the tasty Dr.
Jekyll and the nasty Mr. Hyde. Many of us,
of course, throw some scoops into a machine,
pour in water, fip a switch and wait. This,
however, just will not do if you are paying for
and expecting good coffee.
Josh gave just a brief litany of whats truly
involved in the process:
How long has it been since the coffee
has been roasted? How long has it been
since the coffees been exposed? How much
do I put into the portaflter? How hard am
I going to tamp it? How much water am I
going to pull through it? Im testing each one
of my espressos every morning. Im constantly
tasting throughout the day to make sure the
espressos on point and I make adjustments
on site grind size, how much Im putting
in so, its a lot of detail to make sure that
each one is getting pulled how its supposed
to depending on how old the coffee is and
what kind it is.
This is how I want my barista:
knowledgeable. I dont want to go to a coffee
shop and have it taste like a convenience store
or corporate brew, or even my own. I want
a coffee that doesnt have to be favored to
be palatable. I like my coffee black because I
want to taste the coffee. Good coffee doesnt
require favorings.
I dont drown my drinks in syrup
because Im proud of how they taste,
Josh said. When people ask for an extra
pump of chocolate, whip cream and sugar,
Ill ask if I can make them a mocha how I
normally prepare it.
Im trying to keep sugar to a minimum
and really try and highlight how the coffee
tastes, he said. If you want to dump 80
packs of sugar into it, by all means go
ahead. But, I would like you to frst try it
without sugar.
Many coffee drinkers have developed
a taste of sugary java because theyre used
to substandard coffee and the sweetness is
used to mask the favor, such as the burnt taste
endemic to a certain massive chain of coffee
shops whose name sounds like Barstucks.
When you get a unique coffee, you dont
want to drown out what makes that coffee unique,
Josh said. By adding those things, youre missing
out on what makes that coffee great.
Josh has said that his life has been
dedicated to the uncovering the chemistry of
great coffee.
I had been making coffee for 5-6 years
before I moved to Washington and someone
fnally made me a real cup of coffee, he said.
I had no idea that coffee could taste that
good. Since then, I had to unlearn everything
and start over. It was hard, but it was a pursuit
to make that kind of coffee and espresso.
Before returning to his native New Braunfels,
Josh lived in the Northwest and Miami. He also
did a 16-month stint in West Africa as part of the
Peace Corps, where he received his nickname,
Kora Kora, which means mixture and has
something to do with beer.
On his return to his hometown, Josh with
the help of his wife, Lacey, and her family set
out on the goal of building a place where he
could provide a spectacular cup of coffee.
Josh and his team at Kora Kora have
more than succeeded.
The Brew Master by Nick rogers
TXCITIZEN.COM 7
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830-625-0045 or wateringholesaloon.com
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Megan Ford
6pm
Oma Gruenes Secret Garten
Jam Night
6pm
Phoenix Saloon
Junior Nash
5pm
Rileys Tavern
The Stargazers
9pm
AJs Ale House
Rock & Roll Sing Along Piano Bar Show
9pm
Gruene Hall
Slim Bawb
6pm
The Pour Haus
Dillon Myers
8pm
River Road Ice House
Tom Gillam
7pm
Fri 9.26
Adobe Verde
Three Man Front
6:30pm
Black Whale Pub
T-Bone & the Blue Tones
9pm
The Happy Cow
TBA
8pm
Oma Gruenes Secret Garten
Closed for Fair
Phoenix Saloon
Shand Walton & Manzy Lowry
5pm
North of Nashville
9pm
Rileys Tavern
Mike & the Moonpies
9pm
AJs Ale House
Rock & Roll Sing Along Piano Bar Show
9pm
Alpine Haus Restaurant
Off the Grid Polka Band
6pm
Billys Ice House
Red Shahan
8pm
Gruene Hall
Cody Jinks
8pm
The Pour Haus
Jon Magill & Friends
8:30pm
River Road Ice House
Thom Shepherd
7pm
Vineyard at Gruene
Jim Thomas
7pm
Vino en Verde
Jess Russell Duo
8:30pm
Sat 9.27
Adobe Verde
Bru Erdman
6:30pm
Black Whale Pub
Daniel Thomas Phipps
9pm
The Happy Cow
TBA
8pm
Oma Gruenes Secret Garten
Ty Gavin & His Pros & Cons
1pm
Kim & Her Bad Habits
6pm
Phoenix Saloon
Adam Johnson & the Pay Mes
9pm
Rileys Tavern
Big John Mills
9pm
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AJs Ale House
Rock & Roll Sing Along Piano Bar Show
9pm
Billys Ice House
LC Rocks
9pm
Gruene Hall
Flat Top Jones
1pm
Delbert McClinton
w/ Shelley King
8pm, SOLD OUT
NB Farm to Market
Chris & Judy
9:30am
The Pour Haus
Jeremy Steding
9:30pm
River Road Ice House
Poor J Brown
8pm
Vineyard at Gruene
Jacob Clark
7pm
Sun 9.28
Adobe Verde
TBA
6pm
The Happy Cow
T-Bone & the Bluetones
4pm
Oma Gruenes Secret Garten
Arms Length
2:30pm
Phoenix Saloon
Lucas Taylor
3pm
True Audio Outland
7pm
Billys Ice House
The Texas KGB
8pm
Geronimo VFW #8456
Paul Sanchez & Wrangler Country
3pm
Gruene Hall
The Peterson Brothers
12:30pm
Miss Lavelle White
4pm
Guy Forsyth Band
6:30pm
The Pour Haus
Larry Martin Sweeney
8pm
Mon 9.29
Rileys Tavern
Songwriter Showcase
w/ John Whipple
8pm
Gruene Hall
Rodney Hayden
6pm
The Pour Haus
Aaron Stephens
8pm
River Road Ice House
Walt Wilkins
8pm
Tues 9.30
Watering Hole Saloon
TBA
8:30pm
Gruene Hall
Drew Kennedy & Josh Grider
6pm
The Pour Haus
Open Mic w/ Jon Magill
8pm
River Road Ice House
Scott Morgan
8pm
Wed 10.1
Phoenix Saloon
Shand Walton & Manzy Lowry
8pm
Rileys Tavern
Tyler Cannon
9pm
Billys Ice House
Aaron Stephens
8pm
Gruene Hall
The Georges
6pm
The Pour Haus
TBA
8pm
Vineyard at Gruene
Zack Walther
6pm
SOUNDCHECK BROUGHT T O YOU BY:
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910 Gruene Rd. #3
830.387.4378
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Fri 9.26
Cheatham Street Warehouse
Paul Cauthen Band
9pm
The Continental Club
Club Lineup:
The Blues Specialists, 6:30pm
Carson McHone
w/ David Ramirez
10pm, $17
Gallery Lineup:
Robert Kraft Trio, 8:30pm
Snizz & Friends, 10:30pm, $5
Cowboys Dancehall
Billy Currington
7pm, 21+ $20, 18+ $30
Floores Country Store
Chris Knight
w/ John Baumann
8pm, 18+ $15-$20
Luckenbach Dance Hall
Ben Beckendorf
4pm
Almost Patsy Cline Band
8pm
Red Eyed Fly
Dead Things Dont Bleed, Heather Bishop
Band
10pm, Inside
Porno Strange Jams, Laugh Track,
Fouled Out, Madmartigan, Argyle Cactus
8pm, Outside
Sams Burger Joint
Reverend Horton Heat
8pm, $25-$80
Stubbs BBQ
The Airborne Toxic Event
w/ In the Valley Below
7pm, Outside, $22-$120
Sat 9.27
Cheatham Street Warehouse
Shake Russell & Michael Hearne
9pm
The Continental Club
Club Lineup:
Redd Volkaert, 3:30pm
Jimbo Mathus
w/ Cody Jasper
10pm, $10
Gallery Lineup:
Hillary York, 8:30pm
Chicken Strut, 10:30pm, $5
Floores Country Store
Zane Williams
w/ Nick Verzosa & Noble Union
8pm, 18+ $8
Luckenbach Dance Hall
The Os
1pm
Red Eyed Fly
Battle of the Bands Finals
The red direct, Atlantes, Impredecible,
Concrete Shoes, Reptillian, Jogsta,
The Questions, Fractal Theory, Hayzel
8pm, Outside
R & J Music Pavillion
Small Town Habit
9pm
Sams Burger Joint
San Antonio Music Awards
9pm, $8
Stubbs BBQ
Citizen Cope
8pm, Outside, $41-$138
Passafire
10:30pm, Inside, $10
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Special Events Monthly
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Never a Cover!
Kid & Pet Friendly!
1263 Gruene Road 830.625.1045
Call for Hours!
omalovesyou.com
SEPT 25
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Thursday, Friday, Saturday
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Thursdays, Sundays
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Fridays
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Thursdays
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Fridays, Saturdays
diversions
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Isnt it time we change the name
of Seguin Avenue to something that
refects New Braunfels? I mean, the
street doesnt even actually go to Seguin,
so theres no reason for it to be named
that. I think we should change the name
to Prince Solms Avenue. Keeping it as
Seguin doesnt make any sense.
A. Andrews

Dear A:
Seguin Avenue does actually go to
Seguin, however the trip takes about a week
and, in some sections, requires the use of
elephants and rappelling equipment.
The street is also named in honor of Juan
Seguin, the legendary Texas revolutionary,
politician and Avon salesman.
I have no problem with maintaining
the name Seguin Avenue. However, there
are many streets in New Braunfels that are
certainly long overdue for an update.
Fortunately, many of the more offensive
names have already been changed over
the years, especially those areas of the City
that were named for the various immigrants
who worked in the mills: Colored Town,
Chinaman Lane, Leper Island and
Brownieville, for example.
Current street names that could use a 21st
century outlook include:
Dead Injun Lane: This name isnt actually
as offensive as it appears, but is simply the
refection of the marginal literacy of the times.
The moniker refers to a locomotive that had
broken down and was shunted off to the side
and never repaired. The fact that the train
was pulling cars flled with small pox-laden
blankets that were to be distributed to area
tribes is purely incidental.
Pornography Street: Few people know
that New Braunfels was once a major
distributor of Victorian pornography. The street
was named so because it contained several
business that produced photos and etchings
capturing women of questionable integrity in
their knickers, posing alongside men sporting
inappropriate beards. Scandalous!
Arschaffewurst Strasse: This street once
contained a meat processing plant that made
monkey butt sausage. The plant was eventually
bought by the Rath Hot Dog Company.
Cantankerous Old Bastard Road: This
short street had only one house, which
belonged to the Rev. Charles Stanfeld. The
Reverend was well known for his bombastic
calls to overthrow the government of Grover
Cleveland simply because Stanfeld hated the
presidents name, which he claimed sounded
ferin. When children would wander too
close to Stanfelds house, the preacher would
terrorize them with a shotgun, ordering the
kids to go on and git. Stanfeld served two
terms as New Braunfels mayor.
Fat Ass Boulevard: English is an
ever-evolving language and what a word
would mean 150 years ago, could mean
something else entirely today. This street
is a perfect example of that fact because
it actually referred to a large, ownerless
donkey that happened to wander the area.
The same can be said for Kid Meat Street
and Irritable Bitch Lane.
Hermann Gering Street: You would like
think this streets name is just a coincidence.
You would be wrong. The residents of
this street, in the Booneville Avenue area,
changed the name from Steinburg Street
in 1943 after rumors spread that a Jewish
family had visited The Island.
Sickly Hobo Way: Legend says hobos
went here to die. Some say that is still the
practice, but no one knows for certain
because the area is completely inaccessible
due to the wolves.
Got a concern? Opa Karl Esel is here to help, or
at the very least, comisserate. Send your rants to
opakarl@txcitizen.com.
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ADVERTISE HERE 830.358.2493
12 AD SALES 830.358.2493 TXCITIZEN.COM 13
By Gustavo Arellano
Dear Mexican: One of the things
I have found enjoyable and profound
is the use of language by Chicanos,
mexicanos, and Mexican-Americans.
Humor and a sardonic sense of history,
in my view, are encapsulated in many
everyday expressions. Two examples
I can think of are the use of huey (or
perhaps buey), and rollo. In the frst
case, perhaps buey (ox) is a bitterly
ironic reference to the term huey
tlatoani ruler of Mexico-Tenochtitlan
I read about in Fifteen Poets of the Aztec
World by Miguel Len-Portilla. In the
second case, Ive heard young Chicanos
use the word rollo, for conversation or
dialogue, perhaps seeing themselves
as seated Aztecs uttering word-scrolls.
What do you think?
Cuauhtmocs Cousin
Dear Wab: I agree that Mexican Spanish
is a magnifcent thing, and you forgot to
throw in cal, albures, and double-entendres
to our roll call of linguistic desmadre. But
your folk etymologies are a bit off. Buey (or,
gey and wey) derive from the Latin bovis,
the term for an ox. As I explained in one of
the frst Ask a Mexican! columns ever, Latin
cultures consider the ox to be the dummy of
the animal kingdom the same way gabachos
think of an ass, so the Aztecs (and Central
Americans, for that matter) got that insult
from the Spaniards.
Huey, on the other hand, meant
exalted in Nahuatl when referring to
the Aztec king, and while the capacity of
Mexican Spanish humor is almost limitless,
no one ever thinks of Montezuma when
calling someone a pinche gey, even if he
was a pinche gey. Rollo is a different rola,
on the other hand: in other words, it also
comes from the Spaniards via the Latins and
has nothing to do with the Aztec codices.
Then again, I think youre mishearing the
young Chicanos, because Ive never heard
them use rollo to describe a conversation
but have heard them say rola more than not.
Then again, maybe Im hanging out with too
many chilangos as of recent
Dear Mexican: Why is it that
Mexican putos can only cry when
drunk out of their minds? And
always use the lame excuse because
they can last longer in the cama!
When youre young, I understand,
but nearing your 60s? Give me a
break! And, yes, these are real big
mamadas!! Back in the day the mujer
fell for this crap! And they wonder
why we dont stay in a relationship
for years because it slips from the
cama to thinking you belong in the
kitchen 24/7vamos a la chingada.
Chicana que no se Deja ser Chingada
Dear Chicana Who Wont Allow
Herself to Get ###### Over: The best
response to this came from ranchera
legend Vicente Fernndez, at a concert
I once saw him at in Anaheim. Borracho
out of his mind, Chente began crying
onstage Im not crying, geyes, Chente
roared as he crooned the Jos Alfredo
Jimnez bar burner Tu Recuerdo y Yo.
My eyes are sweating! You know how it
goes with hombres: that whole machismo
front is a farce. And the only thing that
brings it down is the bottleand maybe
the death of their rooster.
Ask the Mexican at
themexican@askamexican.net,
be his fan on Facebook, follow him on
Twitter @gustavoarellano or follow him
on Instagram @gustavo_arellano!
ASK A MEXICAN!
!
MOST WANTED
$300
REWARD
COMAL COUNTY S
MEDELLIN, JESSE
RODRIGUEZ
Male 507 200 lbs
DOB: 01/01/1976
CHARGE: Possession
of a controlled
substance pg 1 under
1 gram and theft of
property under $1500
with 2 or more
previous convictions
CLOUGH,
RONNIE DEAN
Male 506 182 lbs
DOB: 12/31/1960
CHARGE: Two counts
of failure to appear
aggravated assault with
deadly weapon and two
counts bail jumping/
failure to appear felony
COREY,
KITTY MARIE
Female 506 150 lbs
DOB: 01/21/1982
CHARGE: Motion
to adjudicate/
Possession of a
controlled substance
and bail jumping/ fail
to appear felony
GARRISON,
DONALD WAYNE
Male 511 155 lbs
DOB: 02/27/1949
CHARGE: Failure to
appear/ driving while
intoxicated 3rd or more
and bail jumping/ fail to
appear felony
BAIER,
ADAM SAMUEL
Male 506 150 lbs
DOB: 12/04/1971
CHARGE: Violation of
conditions of probation
possession of a
controlled substance
with intent to deliver
JORDAN,
GABRIEL TERRELL
Male 506 150 lbs
DOB: 01/30/1993
CHARGE: Failure
to appear for
aggravated assault
with deadly weapon
PHILLIPS,
MICHELLE J
Female 502 135 lbs
DOB: 09/27/1982
CHARGE: Failure to
appear possession of
a controlled substance
pg 1 under 1 gram
and bail jumping and
fail to appear
TURNER,
AARON LEE
Male 508 130 lbs
DOB: 7/20/1966
CHARGE: Failure to
appear forgery financial
instrument and three
counts of bail jumping/
fail to appear felony
WALLACE,
KIMBERLIE LOFTUS
Female 509 155 lbs
DOB: 07/11/1975
CHARGE: Failure to
appear- possession of
a controlled substance
pg 1 under 1 gram and
bail jumping/ failure to
appear felony
SHARTZER,
RYAN LLOYD
Male 504 110 lbs
DOB: 06/04/1988
CHARGE: Two counts
of sex offenders duty
to register
The names listed have been released in accordance with the Texas Public Information Act. This is a true
and accurate account as of Monday September 15, 2014 at 10:17 am and may not be current by the time
it is read. Do not try to apprehend anyone. These are listings of criminal warrants with the Comal County
Sheriffs Office and are not indicative of guilt or innocence. Officers are to verify the status of each warrant
prior to making an arrest. Any person is innocent of wrongdoing unless proven guilty in a court of law.
FOR INFORMATION LEADING TO THE ARREST OF COMAL
COUNTYS MOST WANTED. Callers will remain anonymous.
830.620.3400 - 24-Hour
830.620.3411 - Mon-Fri 8am to 5pm
CHACON,
MATTHEW
Male 601 230 lbs
DOB: 10/06/1987
CHARGE: Organized
retail theft over $500
under $1500
TXCITIZEN.COM 13
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First Place Scores 60%
Second Place Prickly Pear Lounge 49%
Third Place Watering Hole 40%
Fourth Place Happy Cow 37%
Fifth Place Buffalo Wings and Rings 34%
Winners:
Doug Hutchinson, Scores 4/5
Jorden Grubbs, Prickly Pear 4/5
Neil Cunningham, Watering Hole 4/5
Ross Reynolds, Happy Cow 4/5
Terry Jackson, Buffalo Wings and Rings 2/5
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With Kelly Colby
TXCITIZEN.COM 15
ISIS, Round 2
Its not often that I get to see a near immediate
apparent reaction to one of my columns. President
Obama must read the TX Citizen and have been
moved by my screed over inaction versus ISIS (or
ISIL or whatever we are calling them today).
At the time of this writing, we are in the
process of bombing ISIS in Syria. This isnt
quite the level of intensity I would have liked
to see, but it is a start. In fact, it is far faster
movement than I expected, and in some ways,
it represents a change in mindset that I was
convinced would not happen.
I dont want to be one of those people
who are critical no matter what the move. I
dont dislike Obama for the sake of disliking
him. So, let me commend him on his action and
use this column to lay out the important aspects
regarding this decision by the President.
First and foremost, bombing in Syria
sends a clear message. The message is that
there is no safe place to hide. Our government
and President Obama in particular have been
reluctant to get involved in Syria, and in some
respects this was a good thing. We dont
really have a vested interest in the outcome
of the battle there. There are good arguments
with regards to humanitarian concerns, but
there is no evidence that deposing Assad
would serve our national interest in any way.
The problem with this has been that it allows
bad actors to fnd a home in Syria while the
fghting goes on. They have been told that the
U.S. will not get involved, and therefore, they
have used the area to develop command and
control operations for their efforts elsewhere.
This is probably true for many groups of
undesirables, but it is particularly true of ISIS.
This new decision not only removes some of
the ISIS infrastructure, but it makes it more
dangerous for them to rebuild it. They certainly
wont be rebuilding openly; ISIS will be forced
to keep to the shadows where they belong.
Obama has been attempting to build a
coalition to help with any effort against ISIS,
but instead of waiting until that is fully formed,
he has moved forward in a big way, taking
the fght to the heart of the enemy. Whether
this was Obamas intent or not, this too sends
a message: we wont wait; we need neither
the international communitys approval nor
their help. Im not really narcissistic enough to
believe my column was what moved the needle
here. Im almost certain that public outcry was
shrill enough to get Obama to act. The reasons
dont matter, though. The message is the same,
and the effect is to make America look stronger,
more sure, and a bit more dangerous.
The fact that the bombings have started
before a coalition has been cemented doesnt
mean that we are all alone in this, though. We
have some allies in this battle, and Obama
has managed to get the right people into
the fght. This is more than anyone else has
done. The fact that Obama has managed to
get several Arab countries to get involved in
the airstrikes is huge. Having countries like
Jordan and Saudi Arabia directly involved as
opposed to cheerleading is a foreign relations
coup. Countries surrounding Iraq and Syria
are the ones that have the most to lose if ISIS
goes unchallenged, so they should be the frst
in line to help out, and now they are.
Some of this may actually have been
related to Obamas previous squishiness on the
issue. These countries may have felt, or even
been directly told, that the United States would
sit this one out if they didnt step up. The result
makes us less of a target for criticism. It also
limits the propaganda value of our attacks for
the enemy. We are working with other major
Muslim countries to address a threat. Jordan
was even on 60 Minutes making it clear that
ISIS does not represent Muslims.
There are still questions about whether
Obama will commit ground troops to the effort
even if they are needed. He may be reluctant
to do so, but it looks as though he may be
swayed if public opinion pushes it. This isnt
necessarily a bad thing. Obama should be
cautious with the use of U.S. soldiers. He
should be wary of getting involved in another
long-term effort that would likely cost us
dearly in blood and treasure. He should also
be will to bend, at least a little, to the will of
the American people. He already appears to
have done so, and we may see him bend on
ground forces as well if the American public
insists on it. A president cant lead simply by
public opinion polls, but neither can he ignore
the American people in all things.
Some of the less obvious benefts of this
move are the way it affects the actions of
other countries in and out of the region. The
bombings in Syria provide both a foreign policy
carrot and stick that comes out of nowhere. This
might be as valuable in the long run as any
degradation of ISIS in Syria and Iraq.
Turkey is our ally but has been slow to act
on the ISIS threat. Many have questioned if
Turkey was willingly aiding ISIS in many ways.
Turkey already appears to be taking a stronger
stance. They are doing more to protect their
southern border and thereby keeping ISIS
corralled in Syria as the bombs fall. This
may mark a more secular turn for Turkey.
Turkeys government has been infltrated by
fundamentalist Muslims in recent years, but they
may have seen how relationships with groups
like ISIS can damage them internationally. If
nothing else, Turkey probably doesnt want
areas on their side of the border with Syria to
become targets for American bombers.
Syria, and by extension Iran, have also
been infuenced. Its worth noting that Syria
did not use their radar against our bombers
at any time. Syria is no doubt happy to see
ISIS blown to bits in northeastern Syria, but
there was some question that they might
attempt to use our actions to try to legitimize
Assads government and Irans support of it.
For the moment it appears that wont happen,
and it seems that Syria has been told that any
interference or even attempt to work with us
will be met with deadly force. Our position that
Assad must go has not changed. We just dont
want ISIS replacing him. The only thing more
I could ask for would be for Obama to hold
a news conference where he openly warns
Assad that he may sit in a corner and smile
while this happens, but he damn well better
stay in that corner, or hes going to be sorry.
Last, but not least, Russia may take some
of this to heart. Putin has convinced himself
that America under Obama is no threat.
Perhaps he will change his mind after this. His
ambitions in Eastern Europe might be slowed
if not stopped if he believes that Obama might
act more aggressively. He doesnt need to
believe well bomb him, just that we might take
his moves more seriously.
As we watch the news in the coming weeks
pundits against Obama will almost certainly
denigrate Obamas actions, even as they agree
with whats happening. I wanted to be sure that I
was not one of them early on. Obama deserves
credit for this, just as he would deserve blame
for it not happening. His motives are really
inconsequential if his actions get results. Im not
yet sure that that will be the case, but it looks
more promising than it did last week.
L
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You can read more from Kelly Colby at yourfrstshrug.
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