How are conflicts and discipline handed ?

The answer that you are looking for here predominately depends on the age of the child. Conflict
resolution and respect for the environment, (both physical and environmental), are two very important
concepts in Montessori education. So is learning to do the right thing, not because you will be punished if
you dont, but because you dont want to adversely affect others.

In a true Montessori environment the teaching of these concepts take years to impart through
developmentally appropriate experiences. Below is a description of how conflicts and discipline are
handled at different ages. Check to make sure that the teachers follow similar forms of classroom
management and discipline in their classrooms and schools.

Montessorians believe in natural and logical consequences as opposed to punishment. Conflict
resolution and respect for the environment, (both physical and environmental), are also important aspects
of our approach. For it is one of our ultimate goals that our studentsdo the right thing, not because they
will be punished if they dont, but because they dont want to adversely affect the people and
world around them.

In a true Montessori environment the teaching of these concepts take years to impart through
developmentally appropriate experiences and methods.

Since very young pre-school age children have problems understanding the ramifications of his behavior,
we use diversion. (Diversion is when you divert the childs attention from the thing that is causing them
problems.) If diversion doesnt work, we promptly remove the child from the problem, (unless danger is
present and then we remove the child immediately).

Once the child is old enough to understand the ramifications of his behavior. We teach them to think
about how they are behaving and how that behavior will affect others and the things around them. To do
this the teacher tells the child that a certain behavior is not appropriate because...(it will hurt, others,
break things, ...)

If the child continues the behavior. The Teacher will say, If you continue to (yell, throw,...), you will
lose the privilege to continue with that activity, because we dont ...(someone to get hurt, something to
get broken,...)

If the child still continues the behavior. The teacher will then say, You have lost the privilege to . ,
because even though I have asked you to stop, you have not respected my wishes and the needs of your
friends."

The child is then removed from the situation.

Of course, this is only in non-dangerous situations, if a child is in immediate danger, the behavior
needs to be stopped immediately.


Notice that young children are not forced to say, sorry. That is because all too often children get the
idea that sorry is like a get out of jail free card. For example:
Children are playing and Johnny hits Jose.
Johnny is told, Say sorry!
Johnny says, Sorry, and then is told that he is a good boy.

What has Johnny learned? Mainly that saying, Sorry gets him out of trouble. He doesnt learn
compassion or responsibility for his actions. So in Montessori schools (and many other programs)
teaching a child to say that he is sorry is reserved for when the child really does feel badly for his
actions.

An important thing about not forcing a child into saying, sorry is that the behavior CANNOT be allowed
to continue. Just because a child may be too young to understand the consequences of his
actions, does not mean that UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES they should they be allowed to
continue the hurtful or destructive behavior.

After a child knows the rules, they arent given chances over and over again. If a child can say something
along the lines of, Youve only given me two chances, I cant lose the privilege until Ive abused it three
times. The child doesnt need any more chances, hes just trying to get away with things he knows he is
not supposed to do.

Around 6 years old, children start to become very aware of truth and justice. The Montessori classroom
uses their desire for fairness by teaching them to think before they act and to look at the big picture.
Children who, when they were younger, were told, I wont let you throw the materials because they will
break. Are now asked, Why dont we throw materials?. In this way we help them learn to think about the
ramifications of their behavior. Now natural and logical consequences are used whenever possible. IE,.
Cleaning up messes they made, fixing or working to replace materials they have broken, not being able to
play or work with children with whom they have been hurtful or mean, having to work during recess
because they played during work time, ...

Notice that we shy away from punishment. Punishment would be alone the lines of forcing a child to write
sentences or copy out of the dictionary because they didn't complete their homework, or said mean
things. It is the Montessorians believe that punishment only teaches children to not do something out of
fear of punishment, not out of the greater good. Additionally, using something like extra work or the
dictionary as punishment makes the child associate such things as being punishment instead of the
wonderful and exciting tools and activities that they actually are.

Additionally, Montessorians do not believe in rewarding appropriate behavior with stickers and stars.We
believe that outside rewards such as these create external motivation that can lead to passive adults
dependent on others for everything from their self-image to the permission to follow their dreams. Instead
of rewards, we teach children to reflect upon their behavior and its influence on the world around them.
By teaching children be proud of their accomplishments, instead of the praise and approval of others,
they learn to find their rewards within themselves.

At this point in their development children are also taught Active Listening. Done at a Peace Table the
adults in the classroom help the children to take turns listening, and explaining their conflict and feelings.
After all sides have not only explained their take on a conflict, but have explained how the other side(s)
perceives the conflict, the children are guided though solving the problem together. Besides learning to
work together, children learn to look at the big picture before making judgments. Through this process
they discover that most conflicts are do, not to the actualmeanness of others, but to misunderstanding.

By about age 9, Montessori children are now taught to use all the skills and knowledge they have
acquired over the years by becoming Peace Keepers for the classroom, and if appropriate, the school. In
this case the children, under the guidance of an adult, learn to be mediators for their peers, helping them
to voice their needs and opinions while also listening to and respecting the needs and opinions of others.