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Marriage, a History
Long ago, love was a silly reason for a match. How marriage has changed over history.
By PT Staff, published on May 01, 2005 - last reviewed on July 21, 2008
Through most of Western civilization, marriage has been more a matter of money, power and survival than of
delicate sentiments. In medieval Europe, everyone from the lord of the manor to the village locals had a say in
deciding who should wed. Love was considered an absurdly flimsy reason for a match. Even during the
Enlightenment and Victorian eras, adultery and friendship were often more passionate than marriage. These
days, we marry for loveand are rewarded with a blistering divorce rate.
Antiquity-Renaissance
What's love got to do with it? In early history, politics and money trumped emotions.
Ancient Greece: Love is a many-splendored (manly) thing. Love is honoredespecially between men. In
marriage, inheritance is more important than feelings: A woman whose father dies without male heirs can
be forced to marry her nearest male relativeeven if she has to divorce her husband first.
Rome: Wife-swapping as a career moveStatesman Marcus Porcius Cato divorces his wife and marries
her off to his ally Hortensius in order to strengthen family bonds; after Hortensius dies, Cato remarries her.
6th-century Europe: Political polygamyThe Germanic warlord Clothar, despite being a baptized
Christian, eventually acquires four wives for strategic reasons, including his dead brother's wife, her sister
and the daughter of a captured foreign king.
12th-century Europe: Marriage is good for loving...someone elseUpper-class marriages are often
arranged before the couple has met. Aristocrats believe love is incompatible with marriage and can flourish
only in adultery.
14th-century Europe: It takes a villageOrdinary people can't choose whom to marry either. The lord of
one Black Forest manor decrees in 1344 that all his unmarried tenantsincluding widows and widowers
marry spouses of his choosing. Elsewhere, peasants wishing to pick a partner must pay a fee.
16th-century Europe: Love's a boreAny man in love with his wife must be so dull that no one else could
love him, writes the French essayist Montaigne.
1600s-Victorian Era
It's a family affair: Married love gains currency, but for intimacy and passion, people still turn to family, lovers and
friends.
1690s U.S.: Virginia wasn't always for loversPassionate love between husband and wife is considered
unseemly: One Virginia colonist describes a woman he knows as "more fond of her husband perhaps than
the politeness of the day allows." Protestant ministers warn spouses against loving each other too much, or
using endearing nicknames that will undermine husbandly authority.
18th-century Europe: Love gains groundIn England and in the salons of Enlightenment thinkers, married
love is gaining credibility. Ladies' debating societies declare that while loveless marriages are regrettable,
women must consider money when choosing a partner.
1840, England: Virgin laceQueen Victoria starts a trend by wearing virginal white, instead of the
traditional jeweled wedding gown. Historically thought of as the lustier sex, women are now considered
chaste and pure. As a result, many men find it easier to have sex with prostitutes than with their virtuous
wives.
Mid 19th-century U.S.: Honeymoon suite for threeHoneymoons replace the older custom of "bridal
tours," in which the newly married couple travel after the wedding to visit family who could not attend the
ceremony. Even so, many brides bring girlfriends with them on their honeymoons.
20th Century-Today
We worship the couple. Intimacy shrinks to encompass just two, and love becomes the only reason for marriage.
1920s U.S.: How Saturday night beganDating is the new crazein restaurants and cars, away from the
oversight of family. Popular culture embraces sex, but critics fear that marriage is on the rocks.
1950s U.S.: Marriage is mandatoryMarriage becomes almost universal, and the nuclear family is
triumphant: Four out of five people surveyed in 1957 believe that preferring to remain single is "sick,"
"neurotic" or "immoral."
1970s U.S.: All you need is love?Self-sufficient women and changing social rules mean marriage is no
longer obligatory. Quarreling couples split up rather than make do, and the divorce rate skyrockets.
Today: Bride prideMarriage is the ultimate expression of love, leading gays and lesbians to seek the right
to marry, but also encouraging couples to cohabit until they're sure about their "soul mate." Marriage rates
fallbut the fantasy of the perfect wedding is ubiquitous.
Based on research from Marriage, a History: From Obedience to Intimacy, or How Love Conquered Marriage, by
Stephanie Coontz.