Pretty

Bird, Baby
Bird
By: Christain Pakozdi
I never thought
You would actually
Leave me
If only
I knew
Our last kiss
Meant goodbye
I would have
Never stopped
This is more
Than I can stand
Maybe I loved you
Blindly
I hope
My tears
Build you a river
o that you can find your way
To yourself
!ith ease
Meanwhile I
"rift away
Into nothingness
I wish that I could
#old you
But our time
$an out
%nd now all
I want to do
Is run away
&rom anyone
That could ask me about you
I have become
% family ghost
You were
My pride
!ith you
I felt like I had
%n entire
Battalion
Behind me
But i reali'e
I loved you
Infinitely more
Than you could have ever dreamed
To love me
Maybe it was
To a fault
You(ve been
o many places
%nd you know
% million lessons
I know you live your life in stages
In the end
I)ve treated you unkindly
That I see
I *ust hope
You know
My evil words
!ere not
True
%nd when my life is over
$emember
+lease
!hen we were together
%nd how we could do nothing but laugh
You taught me
+recious dreams
"o you remember
!hen we were
% wildfire
You may have been
My fools paradise
But
I love you
To continuum
I wish I could write
ongs *ust for you
But all I have
%re words
I have
No melody
That
!as you
!ho carried the music,
Now we are *ust
Broken ragtime
Misused
#armonies
This years love
"id not last
I wrestle
!ith the pain
Of how
I can never touch
Your beautiful face again
%nd I struggle
!ith facing
#ow you don)t love me anymore
You were a fairy tale
%nyways
Now I am stuck
!ith thunder
Inside of me
#e left no words
&or me
-ouldn)t even form
% complete sentence
No final dialogue
Nothing special
&or me
%nd i
!ill never love again
There is no amour left
To ride on
No man has a place
Beside me
%nymore
No vacancy
Because his ghost
In the deal with the devil
&or him
I got screwed
Because it was only me
!ho loved you
I could have given it all up
&or you
#e loved dope
More than i
.od forgive
#is sins
My heart is breaking
!ithout him
It(s not like
I haven(t been hurting
&or so long
.oodbye kisses
I am so fucking
Blue
No one needed you more
Than me
In the /uest
&or finding yourself
I was led away from you
You forgot me
On the way to the finish line
+lease come back
To me
&or i am crawling
0ust to find your feet
You left a deep crevice
In my chest
I am
In your smokey dust
Too high
To mind
If I am parched
%nd emaciated
Oh please
0ust forget about me
Leave me
In the fog
I speak
Into the silence
%ll the things
I beg to tell you
%nd there is nothing
But me
.oodbye1
My Magpie
I latched onto you
%nd I got so
&ucking
crewed
I spent nights
Begging for you
You were not my pinnacle
%fter all
You dragged me through
Your dirty streets
%nd I let you
&or absolutely nothing
In return
You said I was
2ni/ue
That you couldn(t define me
But being undefinable
"idn(t stop you
&rom leaving me
In eptember
%nd I can barely eat
Because in the deep depths
Of me
I feel are rotting
No one)s going to touch me
&or eternity
My beautiful frame
!ill purify
%nd all the skin
You laid your hands on
!ill become dust
%nd I will
Be stripped of you
%nd I will glow
No dirt
!ill touch me
!e watched the stars
o often
!e became them
%nd anguish spears into me
Because you
Burnt out
%nd I was left
%lone
I am left
To guess
#ow you feel
There are no hints
Or glimpses
%fter everything
You won)t even share
Your sadness
%long with me
o I drink
The reds
Because they make me feel
weeter
I left delight
!here you dumped it
You float on
%head of me
I cannot close my eyes
!ithout chasing you
Behind these lids
%ll I feel is
$ipped open
The moon spilling in
On my futile agony
I writhe
%nd wail
)-ome home
-ome home
-ome home)
!hat would make you see me
%s your one and only
I know
You *ust don(t want to be with me
But if only
You could remember
Our realities
You reduced
My need
&or starvation
To dust
#ow does
The hollowness
&eel so heavy
It is like
%n empty brick
On my chest
#ow do I
34plain that
To my mother
!ho struggles
To even understand the basic parts of me
The empty weights
2pon my heart
&eels like
% never ending disaster
I have to know
It)s never ever too late
In my chest
Lies your home
%nd only you
Belong inside of me
Your palms were
%ll I ever needed
I miss
My bilingual babe
I need you to put
Your love right into me
My gut feels warped
!e were laughter
!e were *oy
I could play with you
&or centuries
By your re/uest
I would hunt for the source of the Nile
I was
Your saintly deed
I remember when we were succinct and free
You were
My golden sunbeam
I have broken prosperity
I guess
I field tested my dreams
!ith you
But I will not
5uietly
6ill myself
In your name
Because I know
You would not let me
Though if you asked me
I would
&racture myself for you
Because you shifted
My very bones
You know
I love endlessly
I brood
Over every curl
&rom your head
My mouth
Lies open
In malaise
No one can /uench
This deeply dreaming thirst
You reign my daydreams
My bed
&eels like a casket
%nd pretty boys bury me
In their indifference
You built me wings
%nd my woes have beached me
On the shore of despair
%nd i lay here
!aiting for you
To toss pebbles at my window
That deeply personal call
Telling me 7I am here now1 baby bird7
But there is only the creaking
Of this old house
You have not
-ome home
You sent my heart
Into space
But I cannot handle
!atching the cosmos
!ithout you
"arling1 I am your lover
You tracked me
Through all the planets and stars
Now i have a home
In the crumbling castle on cloud 8
I reside here
!aiting for you to come home
Your throne
Lies empty
%nd all the lonely rooms
"well in discompose
This was
To be
Our home
You promised
But you did not
tay with me
%nd now my soul
Is a fucking wreckage
%nd my body lies
In ruin
I have to fake life
0ust to get on
This years love
"id not last
3ven though
!e danced
To the sweetest songs
My anguish
$eaches gala4ies
%nd I remember
%ll the midnights
In which we could not part
&rom each other
But I could never beat
That dope that you need
But oh god
#ow the thing I need
Is you
You were
My stairway to hope
But living high
Makes everything alright
%nd as I howl for you
You float away
It was
The arms of another
#e choose
%ll my love
%nd kindness
!ere never enough
#e kept
#is dick wet
%nd now
I have to find
% way to keep
My head high
!ithout my guy
#e went
o far away
&rom all that we were
%nd all
!e went through
%nd now
I fade
To black
Because
I am dying
"oes he not know,
I love him
The most
But
That is not enough
#ow am I
o disposable
#ow did he
$eplace me
o /uickly
I am
"eeply flawed
%nd I will never forget
#ow you loved me anyways
0ust know
"espite everything
I would put my bets on you
%ny day
There)s no one more important to me
Moon of my life
"on)t you see,
You bla'ed right into me
Now I am
% gushing wound
0ust know
Nana would have loved you
%nd we would have been
% sight
Thank you for your time
My pretty bird
My baby bird
My puppiest