WWW.GAYMER.

ORG
Ryan Grant Long
Womens Studies 340
This essay is about www.gaymer.org, an on-line forum for gay video game enthusiasts.
In particular, I was interested in examining, first of all, whether gaymer.org can be considered an
authentic community, and if so, what that means to the people who comprise it. My research
consisted of a comprehensive survey conducted on-line, involving both multiple choice questions
to establish demographics, as well as open-ended essay questions designed to let the gaymers
speak for themselves. This project was intended to be an introductory glimpse into the
gaymer.org community, not as a meticulous data analysis of the members personal
characteristics, the psychology behind their responses, or how the two might relate. In this spirit,
I will use the demographics collected to get a general sense of the types of people who are a part
of gaymer.org, but most of this essay will center on their thoughts and diverse personalities.
I chose this project because I thought it would be a light-hearted end to my LGBT studies
career as an undergrad at UW-Madison. The laid back ambiance I intended for this project has
been nicely echoed by the many casual and comical responses provided to me by my
respondents. Nevertheless, the people of www.gaymer.org are incredibly intelligent and
thoughtful, which should also be apparent in the testimonies to come. It is my sincere hope that
readers, especially those who know nothing about video game culture or perhaps feel a bit
intimidated with its cultural specificity (i.e. dorkiness) will be able to see something of
themselves in both the quirkiness and down-to-earthness of those who call themselves gaymers.
RHEINGOLD: THE POWER AND IMPORTANCE OF VIRTUAL COMMUNITIES
Before delving into this subject and my research on it, I think it is necessary to address
some fundamental issues regarding all virtual communities, and their various potentials and
implications. The term virtual communities was invented by Howard Rheingold in his
infamous book Virtual Communities: Homesteading on the Electronic Frontier. Rheingold has
qualified the term he created in the following quote:
"When you think of a title for a book, you are forced to think of something short and evocative,
like, well, 'The Virtual Community,' even though a more accurate title might be: 'People who use
computers to communicate, form friendships that sometimes form the basis of communities, but
you have to be careful to not mistake the tool for the task and think that just writing words on a
screen is the same thing as real community' - Rheingold
Rheingold wrote his influential book after having become a member of an on-line forum
which centered on parenting, known as the WELL. The author was amazed at the speed and
reliability of the Internet when used as a reference tool; that he was able to immediately look up
medical advice for minor situations at all hours of the day or night, without having to seek a
doctor or make an appointment; and that numerous topics were being discussed daily at the
WELL that are not easily addressed by many parents, such as gay and lesbian teenagers, kids
and death, and vasectomy did it hurt?.
Yet even more surprising was when members chose to divulge personal information to
each other and post stories from their personal lives. One member of the WELL, J ay Allison,
made regular posts as his baby struggled to live:
Woods Hole. Midnight. I am sitting in the dark of my daughter's room. Her monitor lights blink at
me. The lights used to blink too brightly so I covered them with bits of bandage adhesive and now
they flash faintly underneath, a persistent red and green, Lillie's heart and lungs.
Above the monitor is her portable suction unit. In the glow of the flashlight I'm writing by, it looks
like the plastic guts of a science-class human model, the tubes coiled around the power supply, the
reservoir, the pump.
Tina is upstairs trying to get some sleep. A baby monitor links our bedroom to Lillie's. It links our
sleep to Lillie's too, and because our souls are linked to hers, we do not sleep well.
I am naked. My stomach is full of beer. The flashlight rests on it, and the beam rises and falls with
my breath. My daughter breathes through a white plastic tube inserted into a hole in her throat.
She's fourteen months old (Rheingold 2).
Rheingold recalls he and other members of the WELL Sitting in front of our computers
with our hearts racing and tears in our eyes, in Tokyo and Sacramento and Austin, we read about
Lillie's croup, her tracheotomy, the days and nights at Massachusetts General Hospital, and now
the vigil over Lillie's breathing and the watchful attention to the mechanical apparatus that kept
her alive (Rheingold 2). Despite having never met, members of the WELL shared in each
others lives and formed strong bonds of friendship.
The idea of a virtual community is unsettling to people who think the world is becoming
more and more impersonal. Although Rheingold admits their worries are not entirely
unfounded, he criticizes people who believe the Internet is a certain sign that old-fashioned
human interaction is disintegrating in the wake of modern technologies. He admits the Internet
can be unfriendly or even dangerous. Drama and fighting were not by any means absent in the
WELL (nor are they on gaymer.org!). People on-line are free to create false personas, lie and
lure others. Some people post irresponsible and destructive opinions and remarks, not fully
taking into account that there are real people behind the icons and clever handles (names) that
appear on their monitors. The reality that there was someone on the other end of the modem all
along was made clear when a member of the WELL committed intellectual suicide by erasing
everything from the forum he had ever written, then proceeded to kill himself in real life. Yet far
from undermining the legitimacy of virtual interaction, these risks give even more weight to
arguing for the authenticity and emotional power of on-line communication.
There are also unique advantages to communicating on-line for certain people.
Rheingold points out that many people are not adept at spontaneous spoken interaction, but shine
when given the chance to think about their thoughts and articulate them through writing.
Coming to the defense of Internet forum users who might be presumed by others to be anti-
social, Rheingold asks: Who is to say that this preference for one mode of communication--
informal written text--is somehow less authentically human than audible speech? (Rheingold 6).
Although in my research I did not specifically ask whether gaymers have difficulties with
communication in real life, Rheingolds point should be well taken and most probably applies
to many of the people who frequent any forum, www.gaymer.org included.
Additionally, people with physical handicaps that make it hard for them to make friends
can talk freely with others on-line without fear of being judged by their appearance. The Internet
can bring together people from around the globe who may not realize how many interests and
beliefs they share with people from faraway lands. According to Rheingold, news can be
reported immediately and from multiple angles, making Internet news more efficient, accurate,
and far superior to sensationalism, single-mindedness and spin that plague most television and
radio broadcasts.
Much of Rheingolds book describes the various forms of virtual communities that have
arisen since the Internet was established. He identifies privatization and censorship as
potentially disastrous threats that could transform the Internet into a powerful form of
oppression, but also believes that as long as people continue to contribute to on-line communities
and respect the diversity of others, and as long as democratic nations thrive, such a takeover of
the Internet will not happen.
Diversity and difference of opinion is inevitable in any group of people, and in the
Internet where people from various countries can meet together for the first time, there is an even
greater chance that sparks will fly. While Internet forums, like any other community, can be
troubled with bickering and division, Rheingold and his colleagues kept concluding that simple,
corny, all-powerful love was the only way to make a community work when it is diverse, thus
guaranteeing friction, and at the same time committed to free expression, which can and does get
out of hand (Rheingold 31).
QUEER VIRTUAL COMMUNITIES
The Internet provides a means for dispersed minorities that do not normally arise in
localized groups to find others like them and share ideas. This makes it especially useful and
important to queer people, who are born into families all over the globe regardless of their race
or culture. Many LGBT individuals, especially those living in small towns and other isolated
places, may not have access to gay bars and clubs, community resource centers or Pride parades
that their urban counterparts can take for granted. For some, the Internet is the only way to meet
others with shared identities and interests.
Minorities within minorities, such as LGBT people of color or people with particular
hobbies or fetishes, are even less likely to find people similar to them in their daily lives.
Internet search engines and chat rooms have emerged as the primary means for queer people to
connect with others like them and understand that they are not alone in the world. Virtual
communities combining multiple identities grow ever more numerous and specific. As told in
The Advocates Gay & Lesbian Online by J eff Dawson, Queer Latinas and Latinos, bears in
Italy, twinks in Poland, dykes in Manila, drag kings in Vegas, Radical Faeries in Memphis its
hard to find a group that has not claimed a place at the techno table (Dawson1)
Charges of separatism are easily made by straight people who do not understand why
gays and lesbians deserve special venues, but Dawson answers to this with the following
argument:
Exploring ourselves is not separatism. Its natural curiosity with a big does of convenience. There
are distinct differences to being queer in this world How do you write a will that protects your
lover from being booted out of your home, the hospital room, or the funeral? While straight
parents interested in adoption must jump through stringent legal hoops, only gay men and lesbians
would want a list of whom to contact in various states for same-sex couples adoption. Who else
would pore over the transcripts of judicial reports on gays in the military, or look up hate-crimes
bills, or research companies that offer domestic partner benefits? What about hot bars and gay
bed-and-breakfasts, the pros and cons of growth hormones, or breast cancer studies for lesbians?
The answer is us. As a multidimensional mosaic of the best of our culture, the Web subverts the
once-high barriers of geography, race, and religion (Dawson 3-4)
As will be made very clear later in this essay, websites specifically geared toward queer
subscribers offer safe spaces for LGBT people who might otherwise be subjected to
misunderstanding, discrimination and hostility in sites centered on similar topics, but which are
not specifically queer-friendly.
WWW.GAYMER.ORG: LOGISTICS AND DEMOGRAPHICS
I have always been gay, and ever since my family purchased the original Nintendo
Entertainment System back in 1986, I have always been a gamer. Being gay has dictated how I
see the world and who I fell in love with. Video games have challenged my mind, stimulated my
imagination and inspired my art career. After I became adept at using the Internet, I quickly
realized the truth in Dawsons claim: that it is indeed hard to find a group that has not found a
space for itself in the virtual world. It was only a matter of time before curiosity and a need to
find others who shared my interests compelled me to combine two huge parts of my personality
into a single query line in a search engine. I typed gay+gamer and hit enter, and sure enough,
my simple two word question was instantly answered with www.gaymer.org.
Www.gaymer.org is an on-line community for gay gamers. Although the site features a
chat room and a few video game reviews, for the most part it is an on-line forum. There are
numerous categories in which to post comments and information, many dealing with specific
video game consoles (Sony Playstation 2, Nintendo Game Cube, etc.), but a large portion of the
forum also centers on other media (movies, books, music), discussion about relationships and
homophobia, and an off topic section that seems to see the most traffic of all other categories.
Currently more than 1400 people from around the globe are registered as gaymers,
myself included. 70 gaymers responded to multiple choice questions intended to get a general
understanding of the demographics of the members. The summary of this data is as follows:
Questions 8 and 9 are absent from this data summary because they were open answer
questions. I asked gaymers to tell me what countries they were born in, and where they currently
reside. Most respondents hailed from the U.S. Other countries represented included: Canada,
Mexico, Per, Venezuela, Bermuda, Iceland, Norway, United Kingdom, Austria, Northern
Ireland, Scotland, and Indonesia. The presence of gaymers from Central and South America may
have recently risen due to an article on minority gaming communities which featured
www.gaymer.org, and was published in a Mexican electronic gaming magazine.
The majority of gaymers who responded were young, white and male. This would
appear to reflect the generally accepted demographic of video game players in general, with the
notable exception that nearly all my respondents identified as gay. Despite that the very name
gaymer implies a focus on gay males, the site has drawn some who identify as bisexual or
heterosexual, at least one transsexual individual, and a number of women. This seems to reflect
the tendency for queer people in general to come together under a gay/lesbian mainstream before
creating further refined transgender, intersex and other more specific queer groups. When asked
to choose between a number of reasons why they joined www.gaymer.org, 8.3% agreed with
There's no separate lesbian/transgender/bisexual forum. It is doubtless that in the future
lesbians, transgender, and other non-gay queer gamers will create their own forums.
While the demographics regarding race, gender, age, and political beliefs were
predictable, I was surprised to see more working class than upper middle class or wealthy
gaymers. I made this judgment based on the fact that computers, video game consoles, and their
software and peripheral accessories, can be expensive. Considering that many gaymers are still
young and all reported being educated to some degree, it may be surmised that many do not earn
large incomes merely because they are still in school and have not yet begun careers.
I asked gaymers to distinguish between their families religious traditions and their own
current spiritualities. This project being about forming communities, I was interested to see how
many gaymers had stayed with the religious community of their upbringing. The data showed
that while the vast majority were raised Christian, most gaymers are now agnostic or atheist, or
have sought out alternative religions such as Buddhism. This effect was predictable considering
the failure of many Christian churches and religious organizations to accept LGBT people into
their communities, although this trend may slow as more and more Christians are educated and
learn to set aside homophobic traditions.
When asked who they were out of the closet to, gaymers overwhelmingly listed
friends, with people on-line coming in next. The importance of this statistic should not be
underestimated. The popularly accepted coming out narrative model has queer people
disclosing their identities to a trusted friend or family member, then the rest of their family, with
complete strangers being the last to know. With Internet communication, however, LGBT
people are afforded anonymity and the opportunity to come out to strangers before family
members and other close connections.
GAY +GAMING =GAYMING
***Please note that I have reproduced all of the respondents answers as they were originally
written. Like much casual interaction that occurs on Internet forums, the following quotes
contain spelling errors, and abbreviated words and punctuation***
I conducted both multiple choice and open-ended questions about what types of games
gaymers play and why. Both sets of answers reflected a diverse array of opinions ranging from
casual interest in video games, using the hobby as an outlet for stress relief or escapism.
Although few gaymers agreed video games were overtly educational, many agreed that they
deeply appreciate the art and music, and felt cognitively challenged and inspired when playing
video games. Naturally, the single most agreed upon reason for being a gamer was that video
games are simply a fun pastime.
I asked gaymers if they feel there is a difference in the way LGBT people or other
minorities play and/or appreciate video games. Most agreed that gaymers do not literally play
the games in any different ways. Some respondents did not see a difference at all:
No, because in the end we are all there for the gaming experience.
Nope. As I see it, this is the same as asking about art appreciatin in heterosexuals
and homosexuals. I think art appreciation and creativity is spread diversly.
not really. it's going to depend upon which section of LGBT, but overall, the same.
everyone just wants enjoyable games. the bigger difference is between hardcore
gamers and casual gamers.
Nope. Just that they're always searching for Gay references...searching, searching,
searching. It's too soon, give it up for christ sake.
However, a number of respondents argued that gaymers may derive different or extra
satisfaction related to their queer identity, and many expressed the belief that LGBT gamers are
more friendly and tolerant:
Not particularly. LGBT don't play differently than other minorties/the general
whole, except perhaps they enjoy playing with other LGBT gamers.
Nope. Gay gamers like to play violent, cuss filled, animal crossing-esque, sports, etc
games. Everyone can appreciate a sexy character though it might be a different sex
of character than others appreciate.
No difference in play, but the might derive an extra element of escapism
Yes. Most LGBT people seem to be less bigoted and more open while playing.
Plus they want to see naked guy on guy action in games. :)
One respondent pointed out that LGBT gamers might be more inclined to play RPGs
than sports and racing games:
I think certain genres are more popular in the LGBT community that out of it -
primarily RPGs. It's amazing how many gay people like them. I suspect if you did
a statistical comparison of genre-popularity with straight people and gay people, the
percentage of each group picking certain genres as their favorite would be markedly
different. Gay people also tend to be more polite and mature to play with. This is a
generalization, but you can see it on the forums. Overall they're pretty civil and
respectful. I think gay men are just more socially well adjusted than straight men in
alot of ways and are better at avoiding conflict (how's that for a sweeping
generalization?? ;))
RPG stands for Role Playing Game, a game in which the player controls one or more
characters whose power and wealth increase as the player progresses through the game. RPGs
usually involve turn-based fighting systems in which the enemy and the heroes literally take
turns attacking each other, very similar to the board game Dungeons & Dragons which uses dice
to decide who goes next and calculate damage taken during battles.
RPGs typically have massive and sophisticated storylines, and well developed and
diverse characters. Many RPGs, such as Squares popular Final Fantasy series, feature
characters that are both physically attractive and gender ambiguous. Like much science fiction
literature and movies, many RPGs also contain heavy doses of social commentary, and
oppressive religious and government institutions or evil corporations quite often play the role of
the players greatest adversaries. All of these could be reasons why LGBT gamers would relate
better to RPGs, although it could also be the case that ALL gamers prefer RPGs to sports and
racing games regardless of sexual orientation. In any case, most gaymers (79%) did indeed say
they loved RPGs, while very few (2%) felt the same way about sports games.
PERCEPTIONS OF THE GAY AND GAMING COMMUNITIES
With stereotypes in mind, I posed to the gaymers the following question: In my (Eshto's)
personal experience, I have found that people are surprised that LGBT video game players exist
and have formed a community. What are your thoughts on this? Has it happened to you when
people find out you are a gaymer? Are there stereotypes that might give rise to the
misconception that LGBT people do not play video games? Some respondents corroborated the
existence of a stereotype that gaymers are drawn to specific genres:
Sure. The stereotype is that we don't like 'masculine' things like racing or fighitng
games or first person shooters. Same idea for women. People give female gamers
weird looks. Society kinda lumps expectations for Women and gay men together to
a degree. I haven't discussed being a gaymer outside of the site, so I can't answer
the other portion.
Others commented on the basic stereotype that queer people do not play games at all,
regardless of genre. Many of these comments involved acknowledging homophobia as a form of
sexism:
Seen as a 'male' activity - sexism=homophobia
yea, a lot of people think that gaming is a 'boy' thing and gay ppl are too 'fem' to
be party.
Yes, a lot of gay people are more interested in stupid stuff like clothes and Cher.
I know a hetero guy who was amazed that gay people play games. But he's the
kind of guy who is amazed that gays do anything besides have casual sex and shop.
He's not a bad guy, he's just a bit ignorant and I can see that through my
friendship, his eyes are opening.
The stereotypes surrounding both gaming and gayming are far from consistent. Even as
some believed that video games were assumed to be a masculine activity, a whole other level of
misconception was perceived to be at play:
It has never happened to me, but the fact is that there are MANY misconceptions
about who are gamers and who are not. Many people are still under the impression
that gaming only pertains to 'nerds' or 'children.'
There is a stereotype that gay people don't play video games, because people
believe it's only children and nerds who play them, and they also believe that gay
people are fashion designers or worse; they never hear about the two coming
together in society, so they never give it a thought. As for when people have found
out I was a gaymer, I actually haven't noticed much of it when I wore gaymer.org's
t-shirt at gay pride events, but a few people commented on it well and wanted to
know where I got it. Maybe I'm just lucky.
Because it doesn't fit into any catalouged stereotype, most outside of the
community have a hard time grasping the idea that a queen just whooped them on
DOA4. [Dead or Alive 4, a tournament fighting game]
Most people think gay men are too busy molesting children and stealing their
mom's underwear to do anything else.
So while people outside the world of video games may hold to the stereotype that all
gamers are nerds or children, within the gaming communities queer gamers in particular may be
thought of as less masculine or mature. I have seen such multilayered pigeonholing before in my
art history classes - it is a common stereotype that all artists are gay, yet the art world, on the
inside, has historically been very chauvinistic. Some gaymers spoke of the circles within circles
that make up cultural stereotypes as well as their overall inconsistency:
I have had the same experience. That its nerdy and makes a male less of man, but
is still more manly than being gay. Since girls are thought to be gameless, and
fags are obviously perverted women, they wouldn't game. *note experientially
based sarcasm*
Some gaymers might feel stuck between two worlds, but are there ways in which being
gay and being a gamer are actually similar? I posed the following question to my participants:
What similarities or differences do you perceive between being a GAMER (not gaymer, but a
game enthusiast in general) and being LGBT? As with the previous questions, answers varied
immensely. Some denied any intersection of the two:
I don't really see any similarities. They're apples and oranges.
Similarities? None. I see the difference though in that most of my gay friends still
look at me strange when I spend mucho dinero on consoles and games.
Eh, none, really. I ain't discriminated against for playing video games. One's a
hobby. The other's a mode of life.
Interesting question. Having been deep in the closet most of my life I can see
many similarities between the two communities. Both are treated as paraiahs at the
best of times. The big difference I see is that I have never encountered anyone
that was murdered or thrown out by their family for being a gamer. I *do* know
or know of people who were thrown out of the house or murderd for being LGBT.
In reality, both communities are different, but even gamers seem to need someone
to pick on, and that would leave gaymers.
However, many of my respondents acknowledged strong similarities between being
LGBT and being a video game enthusiast, especially concerning the larger societies reactions to
them. Since in my own life I have dealt with being misunderstood based on numerous aspects of
my personality, especially being gay and being a gamer, I personally found these answers to be
the most interesting. For that reason I have included many of them here:
Congress hates us? Both groups are portrayed badly in both congress and the
media.
less of us, misunderstood by society
They are both kinda pricey, they both started in the bedroom and worked their
way into my social life. I get a lot of fun out of two player, but i don't mind playing
on my own. But I don't like being watched, thats just a bit weird. Curiously they
both started as 'specialised subjects' and became more mainstream as the 90's
passed us by.
I'll answer this one. Both of them put you into a less socially inclusive group. This
is more applicable the older you are, as video/PC games are far more of an
ingrained pillar of our culture with today's youth than with previous generations.
Older generations still think of it as something for kids. However, this is slowly
changing, the more that games become mainstream.
Simply being a gamer means just loving to nerd out about the gaming experience.
Because that 'nerd paradigm' goes contrary to centuries of machismo and the
endless 'oh yeah! well my dick is bigger than yours!' role playing it makes one an
outsider. Its kind of introspective, its not really that physically impressive and it
certainly means you aren't part of the typical social competition. Being part of the
queer-sex community means one seeks, competes and interacts with other norms
and languages.
We're similar because people hate games because of myths they hear or read
about all the time, and they hate GLBT people for the same reason. However, I
recently found out that republicans dislike gay people while democrats dislike
gamers. I feel irritated and constantly cast out when I think about it.
Both have their own common referential 'language' that equates to an implied
understanding between members. Gamers are usually about domination. LGBT
is usually about mutuality.
WHY GAYMER?
Although in most cases being a video game enthusiast does not lead to overt oppression
or discrimination, it is clear that being a gay gamer, like being gay and a person of color or gay
and non-Christian, can put people more at odds with society than being either one alone. Again,
I do not wish to compare the struggles of misunderstood video game junkies to those of people
of color. The point here is that it would seem obvious that, since neither the LGBT or gaming
communities are specifically centered on gay gaming, that a separate gaymer community would
eventually come to fill that need.
Apparently some straight gamers do not see it that way. According to www.gaymer.orgs
front page:
When I began this site, alot of right wing gamers slammed me by saying, 'Why do you need a
'Gay Gamers' site? J ust be a gamer no matter who or what you are.' In a perfect world, this
would be the case however we don't live in that world. The truth is, in the gaming community,
there are some pretty staunchly homophobic players and Gaymer.org is about having fun without
hearing the bashing. So I give this site to you as a safe haven where gaming is the focus, not hate.
Far more than being a space for people with a uniquely specific interest, it would seem
www.gaymer.org was also a reaction to homophobia. I wondered if other gaymers had indeed
experienced discrimination in other on-line gaming communities, and whether or not they
acknowledged that as a reason to create a site for gay gamers. I posed the question: Why do you
think gaymer.org was created, what is its purpose, and has that purpose changed over time?
One respondent recited the websites disclaimer as it appears above, and many others referenced
it or agreed with it:
Gaymer was created because, unfortunately, the gamer community tends to be
young and homophobic. The purpose was to allow gaymers to talk amongst
themselves about a shared hobby/interest without the harrasment. I don;t think the
purpose has chnaged.
I think that gaymer.org was created so that people who like to video, and are
homosexual can break away something that was plauged the 'straight' gaming
world; Fag jokes. It was something that was required, once a 'homosexual' would
defend themselfs on a 'straight' fourm, they where riped to shreds. That's not how a
gaming community should be. Gaymer has gone from just a game site, to a fully
rounded community where everything from 'why are you single' to the latest event
in WoW can all be desscussed without the fear of being shut out.
It was created so gay gamers can chat with each other without discrimination
from straight gamers, or 'getting weird looks' from other gay message boards. I
don't believe the purpose has changed at all.
i assume it was created for people who were gay and had similar interests to come
together and meet. i get the impression it may have been partially sparked by online
gaming, where, when voice chat is involved, it can get pretty offensive to a lot of gay
guys. it's more enjoyable for a lot of people to play online games together without
hearing 'fag' and 'gay' used as derogatives.
WoW in the quote above refers to World of Warcraft, a massively multi-player on-line
game (or MMO) that is somewhat similar to an RPG except that players from all over the world
can create personas and interact with each other in a virtual world. MMOs are not the only types
of games that can be played on-line Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo all feature some level of on-
line support for one or more of their video game consoles, and the games that take advantage of
this feature range from shooters to tournament fighters. Many video games that can be played
over the Internet allow the players to send instant messages back and forth to each other during
gameplay, and some even incorporate headsets for verbal communication. Although most
companies impose bans on derogatory language on their virtual worlds, their size makes them
difficult to monitor at all times, and it is not uncommon for hate speech to occur when opponents
heckle each other.
Other respondents did not see the creation of www.gaymer.org as a reaction to
homophobia per se, but rather as a place where gaming and being gay can intersect, whereas the
mainstream currents of each respective subculture do not typically acknowledge one another:
Was created for the intention of drawing those with similar tastes, since many fags
these days, may be highly opposed to playing video games. Well male wise. Its
purpose is to generally welcome anyone who likes games or is gay in general.
As far as I understand it it was created to let gay folk chat about games and
technology. Is that not its purpose? But it seems people are happy to hang out
here, I get the sense that there are people here who know how hard it is to get a
conversation about quake 3 going in the middle of the dance floor...'SO WHAT
YOU INTO', he shouts into my ear', 'ROLLER COASTER TYCOON 3' I shout
back.
Finally, others came up with reasons that were not related to representation of minority
subcultures or creating safer spaces for LGBT gamers:
Cuz it's a good idea. Its purpose to me is to talk about games mostly, I couldn't
care less about anyone's sexual orientation.
someone was bored out of their fucking mind
It appears gaymers have various opinions on why the site was created, but most
acknowledge that it is a safe space to discuss video games without worrying about others
judging their sexual identities, which apparently happens in other forums. Some indicated a
failure on the part of LGBT communities to acknowledge peoples interests outside of gay bar or
political activist cultures. Whereas websites like www.gay.com are used by many to find sexual
partners, none of the gaymers who responded to my survey said they used www.gaymer.org to
seek casual sex. It could be the case that gaymers come to the forum seeking asylum not only
from the bigotry associated with straight gaming communities, but also from the narrowness of
mainstream gay culture.
On a lighter note, some respondents offered positive experiences of coming out on other
gaming forums and on MMOs:
Just recently I decided to come out all over again. Only this time it was online for a
small, personal gaming community for Quake 2 Gloom. I have played this
modification for a few years and I was known quite well in the Gloom circle. Well,
many people didn't believe me at first, but they fully realized it was possible for
someone to be gay in their community and even my closer online friends were
apologizing for their earlier rude behaviour. I recieved some hostile remarks from
some people, but overall I was welcomed. I haven't found anyone who has been
surprised though, but I guess it depends on the gaming community too.
I am not at all surprised that GLBT individuals have found the need to form a
community. We all play games for fun and as an escape. We certainly do not need
or want bigotry and intolerance in our gaming life. A good example of the need for
this kind of community comes just about a week ago for me. I play City of Heroes
and I have listed in my profile that I am a gaymer. One individual questioned me
on this and I explained it basically as 'Gay + Gamer = Gaymer.' His next question
was a bit more crass in asking that since I was a fag did that did I also go out to
bars every night and get STD's and spread AIDS and stuff like that.
Understandably, the group I was on sprang to my defense before I had typed a
word, berating him for his question. I guess my point of that story was that you
could join any group and have a great time, but there may always be that one
person on the group that can try to ruin your gaming experience. However,
although I did not know anyone on the group and I had not teamed with them
before, they did not hesitate to attempt to stand up for me even though they
themselves were not GLBT. It is great for me that I have a community like that to
play with, but others may not and may have to deal with things like that more
regularly and that is why the need for a Gaymer community exists.
IS WWW.GAYMER.ORG A COMMUNITY?
So far this essay has addressed the reasons for www.gaymer.org to exist, but can gaymers
be described as comprising a community? Or more appropriately, do the gaymers perceive
themselves to be part of a community? Do the relationships between gaymers compare to real-
life relationships, or to the strength of the emotional bonds experienced by Rheingold and his
fellow parenting enthusiasts at the WELL?
First I wanted to know what criteria the respondents would use to define what is or is not
a community. For this reason I began by asking: In your own words, what makes up a
community? As always there were a variety of answers. Some respondents indicated that
members of a community come together under some common belief or shared interest.
a group of like minded people.
A group of individuals who agree to group themselves together under a common
idea/theme.
People who agree to share through multiple channels in multiple ways. If there is
instrumental goal, it is to learn. If there is a relational goal, it is to have a safe space
to discover who one is and who others are without fear.
Some added to this that at least a basic level of tolerance is also a deciding factor:
People gathering around a commonality, mutually respecting each other, but not
necessarily agreeing
Respect between all members, regardless of their disagreements. Simple
understanding that there are more similarities than there are differences.
A somewhat different set of definitions had less to do with people gathering together
purposefully around a common goal, and more to do with geographical location, or merely
interacting with other human beings.
A community is a group of people, usually on a small scale. Not much more to it
than that.
A group of people who have been placed in a similar circumstance due to the
designs of Fate.
I see a community as a group of people who communicate. Whether there is
disagreement, hate, or even a friendly bond between people ideas are thrown back
and forth and a community is made.
One insightful respondents answer seems to bridge the gap between the latter set of
definitions centering on people living together and interacting, which some might say is more
traditional and local, and the former set, most of which implied a degree of choice and shared
commonalities, beliefs or goals:
Any group of people who, for whatever reason, choose to associate or spend time
together. While past contexts have usually indicated geography, the internet is
changing that, so the definition of community is evolving to catch up.
I then asked: Based on your understanding of community, in what ways is gaymer.org a
community, and in what ways is it not? Some of the people who believed it is indeed a
community had the following to say:
It fits my definition, but I'm not sure if others see it that way
I don't see any way in which it's not.
A lot of common ground. The sharing of two very different life styles that come
together.
It is because I think it is. I ain't writing a thesis to explain random thoughts in no
coherent order, which is how it would come out.
It is a community in the free-est (sp?) sense of the word because it is completely
voluntary. Those who add to it are free to go, to contribute as they see fit, and leave
when they decide too. Although the effect may not be as radical as community
defined in socio-spatial terms, it is a community defined in psycho-socio terms. We
may not gathering the same building but we create a digital gather place and doors
to our minds and hearts.
Gaymer.org has proven to be completly everything - a sit about gaming, a site
about being gay and at the end of the day so much more. Questions or issues that
would otherwise normally feel tabo I have seen asked and respectfully answered.
The problem is that people still go so far as to take offense to something that they
really did not have too.
There is no way I see it not being a community. I take internet communities to
heart and believe they are great things. Gaming or otherwise. gaymer.org allows
people to communicate as a whole group which in my understanding creates a
community.
Others believed it falls short of one on the basis that it lacks a certain criterion such as
physical proximity or meaningful and affectionate bonding between some or all members.
Its is for the gay and video/pc gaming, yet an online community is just that...an
online experience. Never quite attainable, or tangable.
Gaymer is a community in the sense that it brings people together under a common
interest. It isn't a community only in the sense that people can't connect, or at least
tend not to, through the internet.
Its a community becuase everyone thats in it likes to play games, but we don't have
meetings to address issues concerning people. (There are homophobia discussions,
but its not the same as doing something in real-life.)
It's a community in that we all play video games and find Josh Hartnett attractive.
:-) On the other hand, the huge social/educational difference between members
tends to create two camps: the bitterly smart queens and the beautifully stupid...
queens.
On one hand, gaymer.org is full of people who support each other. On the other,
gaymer.org also has its share of arrogant forumers and ignorant pranksters.
It is a community based on the sexual orientation of the majority coupled with the
gaming aspect. It is not a community based on the anonymity surrounding online
communities that always exists. Most of the members do not actually know one
another or have ever met.
It's one because we have each other and it's not because we all are running in
different directions. But maybe that makes a diverse community, eh?
We all like games. We all like sex. Though the only thing preventing it from being a
community is because of the drama people start.
Although there was general agreement between respondents originally stated criteria for
what qualifies as a community and their reasons for judging www.gaymer.org, some peoples
opinions seemed inconsistent with their stated beliefs. This could lie in the fact that whether or
not it is a community, an internet forum is nevertheless very different in many ways from
communities whose members know one another in real life. Respondents whose answers to
these two questions conflicted may have merely been thinking of a single, different form of
community in each instance. Then again, those respondents could have merely ignored or
forgotten their first responses when it came to judging www.gaymer.org.
DISCRIMINATION AND OTHER NEGATIVITY ON GAYMER
Lest this essay become an advertisement for gaymer.org, I posted a follow up regarding
discrimination within the forum itself. Admittedly I was motivated to do this because I had
personally witnessed such occurrences, especially the mistreatment of effeminate gay males. I
asked the following two questions: 1.) Within gaymer.org, have you ever felt unrepresented
because of your sexuality or gender expression, or experienced or witnessed any other form of
negativity toward different sexualities or gender expressions? 2.) Have you ever experienced or
witnessed intolerance or other negative reactions to any other characteristics such as class,
race, or age, while on gaymer.org?
I received overwhelmingly positive responses to this, meaning that many people did not
experience or witness discrimination. However, some people confirmed my hypothesis:
I've noticed that the gay people who are considered to be "overly effeminate" have
been bashed around here. Also, I've learned just because a gay person enjoys sexual
relationships with multiple guys, it apparently makes him an immoral slut. Other
than that, it's fairly open around here.
I'm with Puni here. The flamier gays seem to be rejected here while they're
embraced at othe mainstream gay boards.
I have, for one reason or another, expierenced intolerance of the sort on Gaymer.
Some people are just assholes though so I'm going to blame it on that.
To the last statement, I had jokingly responded by writing: I think my project's
conclusion will include the following statement: Some people are just assholes. I think there is
some academic merit in this, especially when it is reworded in a more formal manner: It is likely
that in every group of people there are anti-social members, whose comments and beliefs should
not be the standard of judgment used for the entire group, no matter how incendiary they may
be.
J ust like in Rheingolds the WELL, drama and fighting are present on www.gaymer.org.
I have personally witnessed it, and during my time as a member, at least two people have left
because of arguments they have had with other gaymers, or because they did not feel welcome.
One of these was a person whose parents are extreme Christian fundamentalists who do not
support their sons lifestyle in any way. His parents had clearly warned him that if he is caught
engaging in any homosexual activity he will be immediately disowned and kicked out of his
home. He has no other friends or family members to whom he could turn to for support or
acceptance regarding his sexual orientation. In his real life he was acting out his aggressions in
unhealthy ways, and in gaymer.orgs scratching post, or venting and ranting section, he wrote
about some of the things he was doing. After reading them, some gaymers were very judgmental
about his actions without necessarily taking into consideration aspects of his family life that were
contributing to his outbursts. This led him to angrily leave the site. This misunderstanding
appears to have been caused by both sides: other gaymers should have probably taken this
individuals traumatic family life into account before mocking him; but then again, he deserves
love and support from his family, and perhaps he was looking for acceptance and validation in
the wrong place by expecting it from an on-line forum.
This is not by any means the only type of drama that occurs, but it is one that, in my
personal experience, stands out. It is very easy to peruse gaymer.orgs topics and discover
bickering, but I will not quote any here because I did not ask direct questions about such things in
my survey. Although freely available for anyone to view publicly, many of the things people
write on internet forums are done so in the heat of arguments, and should not be taken as peoples
actual opinions. As such, direct quotes of overdramatic episodes would have no place in my
project, which was intended to let gaymers speak for themselves and share their honest thoughts
and beliefs. It is sufficient for now, and for the purpose of this project, to mention this drama as
an important aspect of www.gaymer.org, and that in this respect it very much parallels the on-line
communities described in Rheingolds work.
FLAWS & LIMITATIONS
Flaws are distinguishable from limitations in that their fault lies not in the nature of the
chosen format for addressing a thesis, but in the authors execution of that format. Largely
because this was my first attempt at constructing such a survey, the multiple choice portion was
flawed in some respects due to incomplete or vague questions, the most severe being that I forgot
to include Hispanic as an option for race, a shame considering the amount of attention the
website was getting in Central and South America just prior to this survey; although I will say
the lessons I have learned from these mistakes have been invaluable. The impact of these flaws
should not be significant, considering the nature of my project. As has already been stated, I
wanted this to be an exploratory look into the gaymer community, and to rely mostly on my
open-ended questions to allow gaymers to speak for themselves.
Although using the on-line survey format was successful in generating a significant
number of responses, its greatest limitation is the inability to have one-on-one interaction and
back-and-forth dialogue between my respondents and me. Questions they may have had about
the survey could have been cleared up immediately had I been present during the taking of it, and
had I conducted these one-on-one I would have been afforded the luxury to follow up on my
respondents answers and ask them to elaborate on especially intriguing points. Considering that
these limitations closely match the limitations of on-line communication in general, it almost
seems appropriate to have gathered the responses on-line. Obviously, the very fact that my
project has a particular focus, in this case on whether gaymer.org is a community and what that
means to its members, means that the ability for others to derive information or judgments on
other aspects of the website based on my research is automatically limited. Although I collected
information on personal characteristics such as age, race, religion and class, I did not filter any of
the open-ended responses according to any of these parameters. Future investigations into
gayming culture might expand along those lines. For instance, do gaymers who are also people
of color experience the community in a different way from those who are white? Do minorities
derive extra benefits from gaming, such as the element of escapism which may be cathartic if in
their real lives they face oppression? If so, do gaymers of color derive even more of this from
playing video games than their white counterparts? Additional questions about the intersection
between gay, gamer, and a third identity such as race, age or religion could be endless and
provide for future, in depth studies of this subculture.
CONCLUSION
In conclusion, what does or does not constitute a community is subject to debate.
Generally members of gaymer.org do consider themselves to be a part of a community, although
many are quick to point out its differences or even inferiorities to communities formed by people
who meet in real life and interact directly and personally with each other. However I believe on-
line communication should be seen as a different, not inherently better or worse, form of human
interaction and communication. In some ways drama and fighting can be considered proof that
actual human interaction is taking place. Rather than the internet being a cold, impersonal place
where people are free to attack each other with harsh words, it could just as likely be the case
that on-line communication is simply unfiltered. People who do not interact directly are at a loss
in some respects because they cannot as readily form emotional bonds, but they may also be
under less pressure to follow social obligations and polite pleasantries that would otherwise
dampen interaction and obscure peoples true feelings and opinions. After doing this research it
is apparent to me that internet communities are very real, but that their unique advantages and
disadvantages need to be acknowledged and carefully studied, and that when all else fails,
Rheingolds simple, corny, all-powerful love might go a long way in keeping the internet a
safe space for everyone while maintaining everyones freedom to express themselves in their
own way and, on occasion, disagree.
Www.gaymer.org exists as a particularly unique intersection of two identities. It is proof
that any and all types of people are carving out niches for themselves in the new electronic
frontier. For some gaymers, gaymer.org is an answer to homophobia they may experience in
the general gaming world. For others, it allows them to pursue an interest that the LGBT
movement has not yet addressed in any way. Still others regard it casually, as simply a fun place
to go to talk about games without fearing anti-gay harassment, but not necessarily feeling
obligated to be overly enthusiastic or prideful about their sexual orientation. Some gaymers
report not feeling entirely included in either the gay or gaming communities. Although society at
large does tend to regard gaming and gamers in a somewhat negative light, gamers to not face
anywhere near the adversity faced by other oppressed minorities. Nevertheless, the social stigma
associated with gaming and compounded for gay gamers was salient to some of my respondents
and should not be ignored. Gaymers are free to connect with other LGBT people without
necessarily becoming involved with political activism, clubs, cruising, or other stereotypes
traditionally assigned to the LGBT community. Although gaymers are primarily gay males, a
few straight, bisexual, lesbian, and transgender gamers have joined the community because
separate websites catering to their specific interests do not yet exist. Despite that many gay
gamers come to gaymer.org to find common ground with others who share their interests,
gaymers represent a diverse array of backgrounds, beliefs and opinions. As gamers, gay people
do not appear to differ remarkably in terms of what games they play or how they play them,
though many respondents expressed that they find greater tolerance and compassion among gay
gamers than straight gamers.
Personally I am proud to be a member of www.gaymer.org, in part because it is such a
curious intersection of identities that are otherwise rarely paired up. Despite arguments we may
have on occasion, I am in full agreement with those who feel it is a very safe and accepting
community for one to belong to. Although I do not know any of them in real life, I have found
gaymers to be among the most thoughtful and funny people I have ever met.
WORKS CITED
Rheingold, Howard. The Virtual Community: Homesteading on the Electronic Frontier.
Revised online ed. Rheingold, 1998.
Dawson, J eff. Gay & Lesbian Online. 5
th
ed. Los Angeles: Advocate Books, 1996.
Image on cover and gaymer logo borrowed from www.gaymer.org.
Special thanks to my gaymer friends who responded to my survey, and for those who shared the
following artwork with me.