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Knope
Season 6 Spec Script
Written by
Martin Frier
1.
COLD OPEN
INT. RONS OFFICE - DAY 1
APRIL walks into the office and stands by the doorway
silently. RON is sitting at his desk.
RON
Can I help you?
APRIL
Ive gotten like 100 calls today about
the raccoon problem, apparently its
out of control again or something.
RON
Firstly, theres no such thing as a
raccoon problem, they are very proud
and ruthless beings.
RON TALKING HEAD
RON
We had a raccoon engraved onto my
fathers tombstone to commemorate the
one that had bitten his throat while
he was asleep. It was his last wish.
INT. RONS OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - D1
RON
Secondly, this sounds like a job for
the new Deputy Director of Animal
Control.
APRIL
I think this might be serious, people
are calling and threatening legal
action after I hang up on them.
RON
Better hop-skip to it then.
APRIL
What am I even supposed to do? Chris
fired the whole department. Cant you
just kill them and make birdhouses out
of them or something?
RON
Why yes, yes I can. But then what
would you be doing?
APRIL
Selling the birdhouses for way more
than theyre worth to stupid people
that have nothing better to do with
their money. And sharing the profits
with you.
RON
Nice try. We have the Animal Control
budget to work with now, you can just
hire a new team.
APRIL
(Walking out of office)
I didnt ask for this!
INT. PARKS DEPARTMENT OFFICE - CONTINUOUS - D1
April walks through the office and grabs ANDYS arm.
APRIL
Come on Andy, we have some jerks to
find.
ANDY
Do.. Do you want me to fight them?
APRIL
Yes.
END OF COLD OPEN
2.
3.
ACT ONE
INT. PARKS DEPARTMENT OFFICE - LATER - D1
LESLIE is in front of the department members next to an easel
displaying pictures of pizza and cats.
LESLIE
So when a Pawnee citizen loses a set
amount of weight, they get a furry
little friend of their very own. I
call it the Calories For Cats
program.
DONNA
Why on Earth would you want to do
that?
JERRY
Leslie, I dont know if this is the
best idea.
TOM
It sounds like a program to make cats
fatter.
LESLIE
(embarrassed)
Crazy old Mrs. Reavermeyers son is
putting her in a home and we have to
do something with her 47 cats.
Ron steps into the doorway of his office.
RON
Leslie, may I see you for a moment?
LESLIE
Absolutely, I will be right there.
(speaking to the others)
This conversation isnt over.
(MORE)
4.
SECRETARY
Please have a seat, somebody will be
with you shortly.
TOM AND JEAN-RALPHIO TALKING HEAD
TOM
Me and Jean-Ralphio both got anonymous
letters in the mail talking about how
much they like our previous ventures.
JEAN-RALPHIO
Snakehole Lounge
TOM
Home run.
JEAN-RALPHIO
Entertainment 720 - Slam dunk.
TOM
Rent-a-Swag
JEAN-RALPHIO
Mm.. still open I assume, I stopped
paying attention to that one very
quickly.
TOM
Its still open. Your sister works
there and you visit all the time.
JEAN-RALPHIO
Either way, somebody loves the way we
handle ourselves, and why wouldnt
they? So here we are, ready to get
praise showered on us by some
beautiful vixen.
Tom looks at Jean-Ralphio disapprovingly.
5.
6.
7.
8.
APRIL
(upset)
Theyre just so cool.
INT. PAWNEE MIDDLE SCHOOL - LATER - D1
DIANE comes to meet Leslie in the hallway.
DIANE
Hey Leslie, I wasnt expecting to see
you here today.
LESLIE
Yeah, I was just in the area, thought
Id check out the old stomping
grounds, yknow.
DIANE
Interesting. This wouldnt have
anything to do with the computer issue
I spoke to Ron about, would it?
LESLIE
No, no, no. Nope. But while Im here,
it wouldnt hurt to take a quick look,
right?
DIANE
Of course not, follow me.
INT. PAWNEE MIDDLE SCHOOL - COMPUTER LAB - LATER - D1
Leslie and Diane walk into an empty computer lab. All the
computers are from the 1980s.
DIANE
Well, here we are.
LESLIE
Oh my goodness, I had no idea things
were this bad.
(MORE)
9.
DIANE
So you see my problem, then. And for
some reason, every time I request to
get them updated, the response is
Well replace them when they cant
turn on.
LESLIE
Man, they must have made some sturdy
computers back then.
LESLIE TALKING HEAD
LESLIE
I used to sit right in one of those
chairs behind me, learning how to
type, playing Oregon Trail, getting
dysentery. Not in the game, I actually
had dysentery once in middle school. A
month later when I thought it was
happening again, it turned out I was
just getting my period for the first
time. I couldnt have been happier.
INT. PAWNEE MIDDLE SCHOOL - COMPUTER LAB - LATER - D1
LESLIE
I cant believe these computers
havent been swapped out in almost 30
years. They were dangerous even back
then. Walk by and graze a monitor and
youd get a huge scrape from one of
these bad boys.
Leslie slides her hand on a monitor and freezes completely as
her hand hits an edge.
DIANE
Leslie, are you okay?
10.
LESLIE
I just cut my hand. Bad.
DIANE
Oh no, lets get you down to the
nurse.
LESLIE
This brings back so many memories.
INT. BUSINESS OFFICE - WAITING ROOM - LATER - D1
Secretary is standing, waiting outside of an office door.
SECRETARY
Please, come on in.
Secretary opens the door to the office and the three enter.
Behind a desk, a chair is facing backwards. It spins around
and DENNIS FEINSTEIN (local entrepreneur) is revealed.
DENNIS
Gentlemen.
TOM
Dennis Feinstein? Youre the one
thats interested in meeting with us?
DENNIS
Guilty. Well, its a pleasure to
finally meet you.
TOM
We have met, at least 3 times now. Im
Tom Haverford.
DENNIS
Listen, do you know how many Toms I
meet on a daily basis? Usually between
0 and 2. Trust me, it adds up.
TOM
What are you doing here in this
building?
DENNIS
Oh, I just rent this office strictly
for when I want to surprise people
with my chair-swivel move.
JEAN-RALPHIO
Im not going to lie to you, I respect
that.
DENNIS
See, your friend knows whats up.
Listen, Tom. Tommy Fresh.
TOM
Tommy Fresh?
DENNIS
Just popped into my head. Not
important. What is important, is that
I like the projects you got going on.
Especially Rent-A-Swag, I think it can
do big things.
TOM
I agree, and thats why I dont want
to sell it.
DENNIS
Listen guy, you have a good idea, and
it has potential. But youre not going
to be able to bring it where it needs
to go on your own. How about you sell
me Rent-A-Swag, I keep you both on as
employees of mine, my right hand men,
and Ill show you the ropes?
11.
12.
TOM
Hmm, that does sound like a pretty
good deal.
JEAN-RALPHIO
Feinstizzle, I noticed you dont have
a single pic of the fam on your desk.
We need to know who were dealing
with. You Married? Got any kids?
DENNIS
Divorced. But I do have a lovely
daughter, 17-years-old last month.
Jean-Ralphio looks as though he is going through an internal
struggle. Lets out his breath after a few moments.
JEAN-RALPHIO
Alright, that could work.
DENNIS
So we have a deal?
TOM
No, not yet. Im going to need some
time to think it over.
DENNIS
Alright, but the clock is ticking. I
paid a doctor to let me perform one of
his surgeries today at 6PM. If Im
late Im going to miss some valuable
training time.
INT. CITY HALL - MARLENE GRIGGS-KNOPES OFFICE - LATER - D1
Leslie walks into the office and sits across the desk from
MARLENE (Leslies mother).
MARLENE
Hello, sweetheart. You know I always
love when you visit, but Im just
buried in paperwork right now.
LESLIE
Mom, I understand, but theres
something that I need to talk to you
about.
MARLENE
Whats the matter?
LESLIE
I went down to Pawnee Middle today
when Ron told me how bad the computer
situation has gotten.
MARLENE
Why is Ron Swanson complaining to you
about one of the towns schools?
LESLIE
The woman Ron is getting very serious
with is the principal there and she
showed me the schools computer lab.
Whats going on at that school? Why
havent the computers been updated in
so long?
MARLENE
I think interfering in my affairs
should really be on the bottom of your
list right now, especially with your
impending recall vote.
LESLIE
I just want to know the reason. You
have your own state of the art laptop
right here.
13.
14.
15.
16.
ACT TWO
INT. CITY HALL - MARLENE GRIGGS-KNOPES OFFICE - LATER - D1
Leslie enters Marlenes office, in a chipper mood.
LESLIE
Hello again, Mom. I brought you a
present.
MARLENE
Did you now? What did you get me?
LESLIE
Here you go!
Leslie takes a bag from behind her back and removes a laptop
charger.
MARLENE
What is that?
LESLIE
I went down to the IT department and
got a charger for your laptop.
MARLENE
You didnt have to do that.
LESLIE
Lets just get this connected.
Leslie plugs the charger into the laptop and turns it on.
LESLIE (CONT'D)
Okay, lets see. You have 76,532 Emails.
MARLENE
Jennifer prints out any important Emails and hands them to me, so dont
worry about that.
17.
LESLIE
Well now you can check your own Emails. And not waste 76,000 E-mails
worth of paper.
Marlene notices something poking out of Leslies bag, which
is laying on the desk. Marlene takes it out. Its a CD-ROM of
Oregon Trail
MARLENE
Whats this?
LESLIE
Oh... I picked it up while I was down
at IT.
Marlene takes the CD case and puts it into her desk drawer.
MARLENE
Thanks, Ill take a look at it later.
Leslie looks at the camera, frustrated.
INT. PARKS DEPARTMENT OFFICE - LATER - D1
Ron, Donna, and Jerry are discussing Parks business. Andy and
April are off to the side.
ANDY
This just doesnt make sense, isnt
there supposed to be some kind of job
shortage?
APRIL
I have no idea why anyone wouldnt
want to murder rabid raccoons for pay.
Most of the residents here already do
it for fun.
18.
ANDY
I bet Chris regrets firing the old
Animal Control guys now.
April has a contemplative look on her face. Tom and JeanRalphio enter.
TOM
Alright everyone, Ive got some
exciting news. A certain multimillionare entrepreneur has offered to
allow Jean-Ralphio and myself to
become his protegees.
RON
Glad to hear it, may I ask who this
gentleman is?
TOM
Well its not Diddy or Jay-Z, but its
pretty close. Its Pawnees own Dennis
Feinstein.
DONNA
Oh, Feinstein. Not bad, Tom. That
guys got some moves.
Donna begins daydreaming and nodding her head.
TOM
I assume youre referring to his
business acumen?
DONNA
Lets just say the man can pack a
years worth of passion into one
weekend.
JERRY
Whos Dennis Feinstein?
19.
20.
MARLENE
How has my little girls handsome new
husband been treating her.
BEN
(nervous)
Good... Ive been treating her well.
As well as I can. Things couldnt be
better. Shes happy. Were both happy.
MARLENE
Anyway, Leslie, Ive been giving what
you said some serious thought.
LESLIE
Well thats great, Mom.
MARLENE
After you left, I decided to fiddle
around with that computer and I have
to say, as hard as it is for me, I can
see your point. Theres a lot of value
to be gained by making an update.
LESLIE
Im so glad to hear you say that, you
dont even know.
MARLENE
Ill get everything sorted out. I have
to get back to my office, talk to you
soon.
Marlene exits.
LESLIE
Aww, wasnt that sweet, Ben?
BEN
I told you there was nothing to worry
about, your mother is a professional.
21.
LESLIE
I am so excited, I should head over
there tomorrow morning and let Diane
know in person. Who wants to come with
me and see where little Leslie Knope
broke 16 kids noses playing
dodgeball?
ANN
Well, me and Chris are moving in
together soon, as you all know, and we
have plans to pick up an armoire so I
dont know if I..
LESLIE
Actually no, I did not know that.
CHRIS
Neither did I.
ANN
Sorry, I lied. The truth is I dont
want to get involved in any way
because your mother scares me.
LESLIE
Oh come on, shes not that bad. Plus,
theres nothing to be worried about,
she said I was right, as I usually am.
ANN
I fear any interaction with her, even
positive ones.
LESLIE
Great, were getting over our fears
and youre coming.
ANN
Oh, okay.
22.
LESLIE
Chris?
CHRIS
Ill have to take a rain check, Im
being asked to give a police statement
regarding recent vicious raccoon
maulings.
LESLIE
You lucked out this time, Traeger.
BEN
I would personally love to see where
the famous dysentery story took place.
LESLIE
Perfect!
Leslie gets up from the table and walks away.
ANN
Wait, what?
INT. CITY HALL - LATER - D1
Tom is sitting on a bench calling Dennis Feinstein.
TOM
Hello, Mr. Feinstein, Ive been
considering your offer.
DENNIS
Who the hell is this? Im a little
busy right now.
TOM
This is Tom, Tom Haverford, we spoke
at length about my business just
today.
23.
DENNIS
Ohhh, right, right.
TOM
Is it a bad time?
DENNIS
No, not at all, just scrubbing up.
TOM
Alright, well my answer is yes. I
would be glad to sell the company and
go into business with you.
DENNIS
That was a great, smart choice you
made. It may not seem like it but I
can be a little aggressive sometimes.
TOM
Is that so?
DENNIS
Yeah, I probably would have done
something pretty horrible to you if
you didnt say yes.
TOM
Thats... Good to know.
DENNIS
(to somebody in the room)
Hey, I told you not to get started. I
didnt give you all that money for you
to go and start making incisions
without me.
(to Tom)
Sorry about that. Stupid, dumb
doctors, man. Ruining the amateur
surgery industry.
24.
25.
TOM
That is disturbing.
DENNIS
I know, right?
TOM
Well be in touch.
INT. PAWNEE MIDDLE SCHOOL - D2
Leslie and Ben are sitting in chairs by the entrance of the
school waiting as Diane approaches.
DIANE
Sorry to keep you waiting, I wasnt
expecting you to come back so soon,
Leslie.
LESLIE
Well, Diane, I have some great news
for you. I spoke to my lovely mother,
Marlene Griggs-Knope, and she has
agreed to make updates to the
computers.
DIANE
Thats your mother, huh? I actually
just spoke with her yesterday
afternoon and she told me she would
have everything express shipped. Its
all here, would you like to see it?
LESLIE
Wow, sure.
Leslie, Ben, and Diane walk to Dianes nearby office. Diane
pulls out 3 CD cases.
DIANE
3 copies of the 1996 release of Oregon
Trail. Thats what we got.
LESLIE
Oh, Diane, I am so sorry.
Leslie, Ben, and Diane walk back into the hallway.
LESLIE (CONT'D)
On the bright side you do have a newer
version of Oregon Trail for the kids
to play.
DIANE
The computers dont even have CD-ROM
drives so we wouldnt be able to
install it.
LESLIE
Shit.
A few children walk by and hear Leslie swear.
KID
Ooooh, she said a bad word.
DIANE
I know, dont worry. Ill be calling
her mommy.
26.
27.
ACT THREE
INT. CITY HALL - MARLENE BRIGGS KNOPES OFFICE - LATER - D2
Leslie rushes into Marlenes office, starts to slam the door
and then ends up softly closing it.
LESLIE
Mom, when you said you were going to
make updates to the school, I did not
think you were going to do this.
MARLENE
What? I played that game like you
asked me to and gave the school all
new copies.
LESLIE
I didnt ask you to play that game, it
wasnt actually for you, and they
cant even be played on the schools
current computers!
MARLENE
Leslie, theres one thing that you
havent considered yet.
LESLIE
Yes, and what might that be?
MARLENE
You forgot that I made you what you
are today. As great as you may be
doing in your career, youre never
going to be in a position to tell me
how to do my job. The townships
schools belong to me.
28.
HARRIS
Wait, police? This isnt like a sting
or anything, right?
APRIL
Stand down, Harris.
BRETT
I didnt come here to get my ass
thrown in jail. I came here to ask
Leslie Knope out on a date.
LESLIE
Sorry, Im married. And arent you
here to get your job back?
BRETT
Wait, were getting our jobs back?
HARRIS
Oh man, that is awesome.
RON
Im starting to remember why Animal
Control was so terrible, and why I
wanted to punch these two.
APRIL
I know theyre both idiots.
LESLIE
Then what are they doing here?
APRIL
Weve been looking for new hires all
day and we havent seen a single
person remotely qualified.
29.
HARRIS
Hey, come on, we used to run a whole
department by ourselves. Could idiots
do what we did?
RON
Yes.
APRIL
And thats my point. These two are
obviously very stupid people, and
thats why they failed. They need
leadership, someone to tell them
things like dont get stoned with the
towns wildlife, and Ill be the one
to provide it.
HARRIS
Hey, we do not need some baby-sitter
on our backs telling us when and what
we can and cant get high.
APRIL
Shut up and sit down or Im banning
potato chips from the workplace.
BRETT
Whoa, whoa. We dont want any trouble.
Harris and Brett both sit down quietly.
RON
Good work, April. Ill be looking
forward to seeing what you can do with
these chemically saturated lumps of
clay.
APRIL
I wont let you down, boss.
30.
31.
32.
LESLIE
I wasnt just poking around, I was
going to talk to my mom and save your
school until she angrily reminded me
she taught me everything I know.
DIANE
I appreciate your help, but Im going
to go fix this right now. Ron, you
dont need to ask your friends to help
me with anything in the future.
Leslie, apologize to your mother
later.
LESLIE AND RON
Yes, maam.
INT. CITY HALL - MARLENE BRIGGS KNOPES OFFICE - LATER - D2
Leslie enters her office.
MARLENE
Before you start playing slideshows
and handing me binders filled with
spreadsheets or knitting me sweaters
with computers on them, I want to
apologize.
LESLIE
You want to apologize to me?
MARLENE
Yes, Im very proud of what youve
been able to accomplish, and, frankly,
most of that was without my help. I
shouldnt have said what I did.
LESLIE
Aww, thanks Mom. How did everything
with Diane go?
MARLENE
Shes a smart woman. Were going to
make some actual upgrades to the
computers this time. Real ones.
LESLIE
Thats great!
MARLENE
Next year. Well make some room in the
budget.
LESLIE
Well I guess thats better than
nothing. Mom, I want to apologize too,
I should have known youd be able to
handle things on your own.
MARLENE
Dont apologize. I wouldnt have
agreed to it if you hadnt spoken to
me about it. You usually know what
youre talking about. If kids need
shiny new computers with rounded
edges, so be it.
LESLIE TALKING HEAD
LESLIE
So it all worked out, more or less. My
lovely mother still doesnt understand
how new technology can help a school,
but as long... I wonder what else she
hasnt been updating. I should go
check if the buses have seat belts.
33.
34.
TAG
INT. PARKS DEPARTMENT OFFICE - LATER - D2
Harris and Brett are still sitting down in the same chairs as
everyone leaves the office to go home. Jerry and April are
the last ones.
HARRIS
Hey, can we leave now?
APRIL
No, I dont want you two showing up
late for your first day.
April exits.
HARRIS
(to Jerry)
Hey, this isnt cool, man.
JERRY
Sorry guys, I wish I could help, but I
wouldnt want to get on Aprils bad
side. She does outrank me in the
department now, after all.
Jerry turns the lights off and exits.
BRETT
We better get overtime for this cause
Ive been planning on calling out
tomorrow.
April opens the door.
APRIL
What the hell are you guys doing? Get
out of here.
END OF SHOW