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Boot device
2. 20 GB
3. Intel core i-2400, 1 GB ram
4. Microsoft, 1 processor, 3.10 GHZ intel i5-2400
4. 1 GB ram
5. 0
6. 14 and 15
7. Direct access memory controller
8. 0x0000001F0-0x000001F7
9. 2
10. A C D
11. Disk drive
12. Virtual machine
13. 1212
14. 6
15. 45
It all started when our predictably heroic hero, Bill Brasky, woke up in a fo
xy forest. It was the first time it had happened. Feeling exceedingly angered, B
ill Brasky hit a wolverine, thinking it would make him feel better (but as usual
, it did not). Just as zero people expected he realized that his beloved iPad wa
s missing! Immediately he called his fundamentalist, guilt-dispensing friend, L
eroy Jenkins. Bill Brasky had known Leroy Jenkins for (plus or minus) one millio
n years, the majority of which were enticing ones. Leroy Jenkins was unique. Sh
e was clever though sometimes a little... annoying. Bill Brasky called her anywa
y, for the situation was urgent.
Leroy Jenkins picked up to a very nervous Bill Brasky. Leroy Jenkins calmly a
ssured him that most legless puppies yawn before mating, yet man-eating capybara
s usually indiscriminately turn red *after* mating. She had no idea what that me
ant; she was only concerned with distracting Bill Brasky. Why was Leroy Jenkins
trying to distract Bill Brasky? Because she had snuck out from Bill Brasky's w
ith the iPad only five days prior. It was a electric little iPad... how could s
he resist?
It didn't take long before Bill Brasky got back to the subject at hand: his i
Pad. Leroy Jenkins sighed. Relunctantly, Leroy Jenkins invited him over, assurin
g him they'd find the iPad. Bill Brasky grabbed his hippopotamus and disembarked
immediately. After hanging up the phone, Leroy Jenkins realized that she was in
trouble. She had to find a place to hide the iPad and she had to do it skillful
ly. She figured that if Bill Brasky took the deliciously practical 4-door, she h
ad take at least six minutes before Bill Brasky would get there. But if he took
the Segway? Then Leroy Jenkins would be abnormally screwed.
Before she could come up with any reasonable ideas, Leroy Jenkins was interru
pted by eleven dimwitted marmots that were lured by her iPad. Leroy Jenkins yawn
ed; 'Not again', she thought. Feeling angered, she randomly reached for her live
hand grenade and carefully deflowered every last one of them. Apparently this w
as an adequate deterrent--the discouraged critters began to scurry back toward t
he magical cornfield, squealing with discontent. She exhaled with relief. That'
s when she heard the Segway rolling up. It was Bill Brasky.
----o0o---As he pulled up, he felt a sense of urgency. He had had to make an unschedule
d stop at Wal-Mart to pick up a 12-pack of ninja stars, so he knew he was runnin
g late. With a mighty leap, Bill Brasky was out of the Segway and went surrepti
tiously jaunting toward Leroy Jenkins's front door. Meanwhile inside, Leroy Je
nkins was panicking. Not thinking, she tossed the iPad into a box of dull penci
ls and then slid the box behind her whale. Leroy Jenkins was exasperated but at

least the iPad was concealed. The doorbell rang.

'Come in,' Leroy Jenkins flamboyantly purred. With a deft push, Bill Brasky
opened the door. 'Sorry for being late, but I was being chased by some clueless
zealous...zealot in a 'modded' Civic,' he lied. 'It's fine,' Leroy Jenkins ass
ured him. Bill Brasky took a seat not remotely close to where Leroy Jenkins had
hidden the iPad. Leroy Jenkins sighed trying unsuccessfully to hide her nervousn
ess. 'Uhh, can I get you anything?' she blurted. But Bill Brasky was distracte
d. Absolutely thrilled, Leroy Jenkins noticed a dimwitted look on Bill Brasky's
face. Bill Brasky slowly opened his mouth to speak.
'...What's that smell?'
Leroy Jenkins felt a stabbing pain in her fingernail when Bill Brasky asked t
his. In a moment of disbelief, she realized that she had hidden the iPad right
by her oscillating fan. 'Wh-what? I don't smell anything..!' A lie. A dimwitt
ed look started to form on Bill Brasky's face. He turned to notice a box that se
emed clearly out of place. 'Th-th-those are just my grandma's live hand grenades
from when she used to have pet legless puppies. She, uh...dropped 'em by here
earlier'. Bill Brasky nodded with fake acknowledgement...then, before Leroy Jenk
ins could react, Bill Brasky carefully lunged toward the box and opened it. The
iPad was plainly in view.
Bill Brasky stared at Leroy Jenkins for what what must've been four nanosecon
ds. As if it really mattered Leroy Jenkins groped exotically in Bill Brasky's di
rection, clearly desperate. Bill Brasky grabbed the iPad and bolted for the door
. It was locked. Leroy Jenkins let out a sassy chuckle. 'If only you hadn't bee
n so protective of that thing, none of this would have happened, Bill Brasky,' s
he rebuked. Leroy Jenkins always had been a little insensitive, so Bill Brasky k
new that reconciliation was not an option; he needed to escape before Leroy Jenk
ins did something crazy, like... start chucking potatos at her or something. A f
ew unsatisfying minutes later, he gripped his iPad tightly and made a dash towar
d the window, diving headlong through the glass panels.
Leroy Jenkins looked on, blankly. 'What the hell? That seemed excessive. Th
e other door was open, you know.' Silence from Bill Brasky. 'And to think, I var
nished that window frame nine days ago...it never ends!' Suddenly she felt a tin
ge of concern for Bill Brasky. 'Oh. You ..okay?' Still silence. Leroy Jenkins w
alked over to the window and looked down. Bill Brasky was gone.
----o0o---Just yonder, Bill Brasky was struggling to make his way through the imaginery
desert behind Leroy Jenkins's place. Bill Brasky had severely hurt his double c
hin during the window incident, and was starting to lose strength. Another pack
of feral marmots suddenly appeared, having caught wind of the iPad. One by one
they latched on to Bill Brasky. Already weakened from his injury, Bill Brasky
yielded to the furry onslaught and collapsed. The last thing he saw before losi
ng consciousness was a buzzing horde of marmots running off with his iPad.
About two hours later, Bill Brasky awoke, his taint throbbing. It was dark a
nd Bill Brasky did not know where he was. Deep in the mysterious foxy forest, B
ill Brasky was scarcely lost. A few unfulfilled decades later, he remembered tha
t his iPad was taken by the marmots. But at that point, he was just thankful for
his life. That's when, to his horror, a enlarged marmot emerged from the foxy
forest. It was the alpha marmot. Bill Brasky opened his mouth to scream but was
cut short when the marmot sunk its teeth into Bill Brasky's shin. With a faint
groan, the life escaped from Bill Brasky's lungs, but not before he realized tha
t he was a failure.

Less than eight miles away, Leroy Jenkins was entombed by anguish over the lo
ss of the iPad. 'MY PRECIOUS!!' she cried, as she reached for a sharpened dange
rous oil-soaked rag. With a deft thrust, she buried it deeply into her double c
hin. As the room began to fade to black, she thought about Bill Brasky... wishi
ng she had found the courage to tell him that she loved him. But she would die
alone that day. All that remained was the iPad that had turned them against eac
h other, ultimately causing their demise. And as the dew on melancholy sappling
branches began to reflect the dawn's reddish glare, all that could be heard was
the chilling cry of distant marmots, desecrating all things sacred to virtuous
men, and perpetuating an evil that would reign for centuries to come. Our heroe
s would've lived unhappily ever after, but they were too busy being dead. So, n
o one lived forever after, the end. :'(
*** L337 Story Generator v1.0
*** Written by Derek Clark. Copyright www.the-elite.net ~ 2004-present
*** Forever pwning with earnest.