Aren’t You

Glad
Journalism
Isn’t Like
This?

A Fictional Short Story

By

Dontai Barnett

The First Fictional News

Story is
By Chris Enteristed
“…I’m a person, just
like you. I have made
mistakes. I wouldn’t want
there to be a media firestorm
every time I made one.
However, I want you to tell
me how you felt when you
found out that yours was
leaked to the press.”
“You mean
investigated (through bribes
and manipulation),
discovered, and leaked by
someone else with your
vocation. I wasn’t surprised
when that happened or the
way you guys and gals
handled its happening.”
“What do you mean
by that statement?”
“ ‘People’ in the
media (nowadays) are known
for being truculent and most
of the time, cruel. So I think
you went about my whole
situation according to your
protocol.”
“Yes, the press, ‘the
other members of the press’,
have been ruthless and
unpitying towards you and
the tough times you are going
through. Notwithstanding all
of the generalizations, our
online newspaper tries to be
more understanding to our
subjects. Also, you must
have noticed that I keep my
questions from jumping the
line of injudiciousness.
Instead of not commenting
on them at all; why are
talking about your
indiscretions?”
“I’m not even going
to give an evident answer to
that all too obvious
question.”
“What you want me
to do? Make up my own
answer to my question?!”
“That’s what you
were going to do to make
sure that the interview was
sufficed, anyway.”
“You are talking
about ‘the press’ being
palpably harsh, when you
yourself are being brutal to
the ‘the press’. What do you
hate so much about persons
who take up a job in this
field?”
“I don’t ‘hate’ people
who considered themselves
journalists; I don’t like
people who ask, ‘What do
you hate so much about
persons who take up a job in
this field?’ ”
“Two questions ago,
you wanted me to make up
my own answer for a query I
had for you. What was that
answer going to be?”
“You already put that
answer out there (with your
insinuation) so, again, I don’t
have to utter it.
“Most interviewees
would have walked out on
this idiotic inquisition, if it
was being filmed.”
“When?”
“I would have
walked out before this point,
way before this point.”
“Why?
“No comment? Why
no comment?”
“I’m just need the
quiet time to ponder what
your last question will be.”
“Yes, I’ll make my
mid-way question the final
one.
“Compared to the
other interviews you have
undergone; how well do you
think that you did in this
one?”
After a brief chuckle,
“I think I dealt with this
asinine act of examination
quite well. I wish I handled
the trading of my company’s
stock as nervelessly and with
a similar discernment of
proceedings.”
 “La Film”
Q and A with Francine Yore
BY Shure Shay
SS: Welcome “La Film” (pronounced La Femme) with a special Q and A episode featuring A-list
actress Francine Yore. Hello Francine, and welcome to “La Film” with a special Q and A episode
featuring you.

FY: Thank you for inviting me.

SS: O.K., let’s get started. Everyone is talking about your latest film where you play a chemist,
based on a real life one, and you discover an element that was never recognized. How would you
feel if your work was never recognized? If your feature film projects weren’t getting the awards
buzz that they are getting?

FY: I would not care a bit. I make movies for the fun of it and the creative release. Awards are only
important to vain actors, agents, and the financial backers of a film.

SS: That’s not true. There are some actors, that are completely normal and altruistic, who may
want to win an award for deserved validation of their career.

FY: Yes, you’re right. There are some actors and actresses that fit into that category. I would like to say
I’m one of them, but I’m not. I’m reaching for those appellations. Since they’re goals, I left them out.

SS: What else are goals of yours?

FY: Well, I already accomplished the directing and producing goals of mine. I haven’t written a film yet.

SS: Well, you wouldn’t be the first woman to do so.

FY: I know that, and I’m glad I wouldn’t be.

SS: Why are you glad? Why are you glad you wouldn’t be the first?

FY: I am glad I wouldn’t the first woman to write a script for a film, because that means women who
worked on films, before I came along, have stopped that oddment and made it normal.

SS: If it is normal, then, why haven’t you written anything yet?

FY: Right now, I’m actually working on a screenplay. You’re inadvertently inspiring me to finish it.

SS: If you had finished it, you would have been lying, three answers ago.

An article by Hugh Edwick

 I’m finally getting published, and now that I’m getting published, I’m going to do the typical “journalist” thing and write about what an adjudicating experience it was to get my
material published. I always wanted to be writer since I was ten years old- that was my age when a teacher said I could never be a writer. So to prove that teacher wrong, I have written some of
the best news pieces and articles never to be seen. Being that they were never published (until now), I let my friends and family read and review my products. They loved my writing, after a
couple of years. At first they would say I had always used my voice in my writings, and that was the problem. They would say I wrote about “subject matters that only concerned my gray
matter”. That was true; what else was I to do, write about things I can’t relate to? “Yes, don’t worry about yourself only.” They would also say I informally quote people too much. I tried to
refer back to and use only the advice that I agreed with. I went out there and interviewed people I didn’t know or even meet, most of the time. Texting and e-mailing your subjects, in a
respectful way, is a great way to correspond professionally.

I won’t bore you with the hundreds of unimportant consultations I had with persons of note, except for one: I was able to get in contact with a disgraced CEO, who had some
shaky times dealing with his company’s stock. That interview was really difficult to get. The antiquated methods don’t work (calling a number and speaking with publicists, PR people, or the
“not-speaking-to-the-public” person them self). Looking a person up on different social networking sites, and contacting them that way, is ideal. Most people on these sites will respond if you’re
exasperating enough.

“‘Why did you cheat your company and the market?’ ”

“‘Why are you not commenting on your unmentionable acts of dishonesty?’”

“‘Why did you do what you did in the first place?’”

The CEO (chief extortion officer) answered me in an untimely fashion. It felt like he had allowed himself to be subjugated by every other professional media outlet except for the
one I didn’t have at the moment.

“‘I felt I didn’t cheat my company, because the corporation wouldn’t lose any money based on my unscrupulous decisions.’”

“‘I didn’t comment right after my purposed incidents, because I needed to clear up the prohibited actions that I did do with different organizations and my own.’”

“‘I was a CEO who somehow became avaricious after my huge paychecks (not to mention the bonuses).”

I asked him one more question that he answered, two months later. “‘What do you intend to do now that you don’t have a job and your business reputation is ruined?’”

“‘I intend to just fade away to an early- forced- retirement, with the company’s payout.’”

Well, I didn’t intend to fade away. I used this not-so-old correspondence and turned into an intriguing interview piece. Nobody wanted to publish it (in print or online). So I kept
it to myself, until now. Read it below.
1st Season Episodes of The Urla Jakes’ Show
1st episode: U.S. television audiences are introduced to a charming, personable, but mysterious host of a
new show. Introduction to our show’s format: Host’s monologue (between 13-15 minutes without
commercials, but not without any advertisements), a first-day game (this will not be an everyday
occurrence), and the interviews with regular people (like us; the crew) and celebrities (even those with a
hint of fame [whatever that is]) with occasional giveaways of their products. Urla says goodbye to the
audience that seemed to like this new girl in town, with a talk show.

22nd episode: People are starting to relate and kind of like this new T.V. personality. She’s a breath of
any useable air as oppose to the odor “reality” stars give off. Speaking of malodorous reality stars, she
has a galling reality show couple on the show today. I’m sure it’s not connected, but we are giving the
audiences an air freshening system.

44th episode: Urla in the morning (sorry, I just thought of that play on somebody’s name), she is just as
pleasant as she is at whatever time she is on our television affiliate in your area. Surprisingly and
tautologically, she is that way in real life. More than a television host who gives away sponsored items to
the audiences, she helps people out who come to her with off-screen troubles, she becomes empathetic
and helps in any way that she can.

66th episode: Quiet show today, on the newly named, “Urla In The Morning”. The normal sequences will
occur when it’s usual for them to happen. One guest is booked for this day’s episode. It should prove to
be sufficient for the audience, because it is one of the most popular movie stars in the world, right now.
Francine Yore is on to promote her new film, “YOU DON’T KNOW HOW I COULD HAVE HELPED
YOU”. (Sure to be a box office success.)

88th episode: Record numbers for the last 22 shows and the film that propelled our soaring ratings. It
finally seems like her… our show is catching is on. But you know what “they” say. It’s “what” you
don’t want to hear: no place to go but postseason cancellation. Oh, yeah, today’s show is about how to
do with unforeseen failure.

110TH episode: A lot on going today. It is fitting with the busy lives of those who watch our daytime
show. Urla will wake the audience up and get them ready for the entertainment and education to be had
on this day’s segments. After the topical monologue, a game based on the basic trigonometry that’s in
every one of the spectators’ heads will be played in the studio. Then, big names in tv and in the movies
will tell us some more about themselves. The last interviews of the show will be with real people living
their lives, not on camera.

132nd episode: A surprise on today’s show. It is unlike the surprises she has had on the 131 previous
‘sodes of her show. Today’s episode will be the concluding one for “The Urla Jakes’ Show-Urla In The
Morning”. Personally, I am upset over the studio’s and the syndicates’ decision to do away with the
show. First of all, I have to look for a new job. And I will miss Urla; she was a great boss and a great
friend. I’m sure this episode will be saddening to last one audience member.