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-dorothymccoy
The Dark Dyad
By: Dr. Dorothy McCoy
Do you recognize a narcissist when you encounter one? What if you meet a psychopath,
does your antenna go up and start vibrating with alarm? What are their defining
characteristics? What are the traits and behaviors that might elicit a warning alarm from a
knowledgeable, intuitive and observant individual? Just consider for a moment, the welldressed co-worker sitting in the next cube, your new standoffish supervisor or that hot sales
rep might be a narcissist or a psychopath. Since the proliferation of articles on personality
disorders recently, most of us have a general idea about these types and their self-serving
characteristics. Lets delve a little deeper into each types signature traits and then compare
them.
Psychopath: Soulless Beings?
One writer described Psychopaths as soulless beings. This description conjures up images
of long white fangs, a deathly pale complexion and a black opera cape. Psychopaths look
just like the rest of us; in fact, they are often considered quite attractive by the opposite
gender. In 1941, Dr. Hervey Cleckely wrote the classic volume The Mask of Sanity describing
psychopaths. Dr. Cleckely uses adjectives and terms such as likeable, charming, intelligent,
great success with women; on their dark side, he says they are irresponsible and selfdestructive. Please believe me, the late, lamented Dr. Cleckely was a master of the
understatement.
Do you know someone who is too good to be true? Psychopaths are often entertaining,
witty, charming, and charismatic. Some are extremely intelligent and highly educated. What
makes them different from the usual manipulative human? They have no conscience and
shallow emotional responses. Where might one find a psychopath (assuming one was silly
enough to search them out)? You are apt to find him/her in a boardroom, in a pool hall
(winning), teaching a college history class, in the operating room, in prison, in your
workplace, or in the pulpit on Sunday morning. Psychopaths adapt well considering their
emotional limitations and self-centered life philosophy. Having the adaptive ability of a
chameleon can be quite beneficial. They are found at all socioeconomic and educational
levels.
Criteria for the Psychopath
Since we have established that psychopaths are everywhere, you may want to learn how to
identify them. Here are a few warning signs based on Dr. Robert Hares Psychopathy
Checklist, PCL-R (Dr. Hare is a psychopath expert, extraordinaire.):
Superficial charm
After we talked for a few minutes about a community charity project, he began to tell me
about myself. He confidently assured me that I was beautiful, intelligent, witty, and
successful. He said I frightened men. He also told me a heartrending story from his
childhood. A primitive part of my mind watched, listened, and hissed, Be alert! He is a
womanizer he has performed this little act before. He is an imposter pretending to be a
human being Beware, beware, beware I had an overwhelming desire to clap and shout,
Bravo! What a performance! Another part of my brain reproached me for being critical and
judging without sufficient data.
I think you can guess which part of my psyche knew who and what Alex was. Hundreds of
little red flags flapped briskly, as if caught in hurricane force winds, bells screamed an all-out
alarm, and I turned awayblind and deaf.
There you have the psychopath at his most manipulative. He plays his part well, we must be
slightly better at analyzing his behavior than he is at projecting what we desire to see. I
could just as well have written this reversing the genders. Psychopaths come in the female
gender too--thought, not as many. Jenessa Sprague and colleagues (NIH Public Access, 2012)
suggest that BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) may be the gender differentiated
phenotype expressions of similar dispositional vulnerabilities (pg. 1). Perhaps, gender
influences the ways in which their pathological traits are expressed. This is an interesting
focus of study and I hope to see more research in this area.
Narcissist
Shallow emotions
Grandiose
Great actor
Unrealistic fantasies
No conscience
Personal uniqueness
Arrogant
Needs admiration
Prone to boredom
Insecure
Predatory
Envies others
These individuals have few problems exploiting others if it suits their agenda. In fact,
exploiting is one of their favorite games. A successful psychopath or narcissist may be
brilliant and educated. A narcissist loves himself and will disregard anyone who is not as
unique as he believes himself to be. However, he is probably less likely of the two to bury
the opposition in his backyard. In fact, I would be mildly surprised, but only mildly.
Psychopaths and Narcissists are identified primarily by personality traits. Thought, criminal
behavior is an item on the PCL-R (Hare), it is not required to reach the threshold. One can
also be a Narcissist and a Psychopath. Yes, quite disconcerting
Lets take a closer look at the Narcissist.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (DSM V, 2013)
The criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder is a pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in
fantasy or behavior) need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning by early
adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the
following.
1. Has a grandiose sense of self-importance
2. Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal
love.
3. Believes that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or
should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions).
4. Requires excessive admiration.
5. Has a sense of entitlement
6. Is interpersonally exploitative
7. Lacks empathy
8. Is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her.
9. Arrogant
Now, you have a picture emerging of a person who can be successful and charming.
However, that charm is only an inch deep and cracking at the corners. This is the person
who is never wrong, looks beautifully put together and expects special treatment and will
make your aware of his/her specialness. They may be aloof, and predisposed to surround
themselves with yes men and women. Attacks to their self-esteem will not be taken with
good grace, even if the attacks are only perceived. Normally, they are not concerned about
how you feel, though they may feign such concern on occasion if it will help them to achieve
their objective. They seek the center of attention-- after all, they are special. In the
beginning of your relationship they may be terribly interesting, after a while their glitter
may wear thin and only the exasperating self-adoration will linger.
Case Study of a Narcissist
I was pleased to see Jake and Ally when they arrived (late) for their first session. Jake was a
striking man, tall, well dressed, and smugly attractive. I noticed that Ally had been biting her
fingernails and her dress was buttoned wrong. She was obviously focused on something
other than her appearance. Her hair looked as if she had just awakened from a troubled
night. Under other circumstances, she would have been considered a very pretty woman. I
knew from their intakes that Ally was a thirty-year-old marketing executive. Jake, the same
age, was a successful banker. I know he was successful because he told me so twice in the
first five minutes
They met through business and began dating rather quickly.
I looked at Jake again, not a hair was out of place. I was amazed that he could project such a
flawless appearance.
Jake spoke first. He apologized for being late. It was Allys fault. He hates to be late, but she
cannot seem to get herself together. He said, You would think since she takes forever
dressing that she would look more polished. Ally glared at him, and then looked back down
at her ragged nails. Jake continued, Can you believe that she used to be beautiful and
exciting? Just look at her now! When I chose her, she was the perfect companion and
business hostess for me. All of my associates congratulated me on finding such a jewel. Do
you think I introduce her to a business associate now? Huh, not likely
I was watching to see how they interacted.
Ally finally spoke, I dont know what to say or what to do. Nothing is ever good enough for
Jake. No matter what I do, Jake gets angry and yells.
Perhaps, to support the veracity of her statement, Jake yelled, That is because you cant
think. You silly cow, if you would use a little logic--after all you have a degreethen you
would not make stupid mistakes and embarrass me.
I decided it was time for me to speak. Jake, I said, I appreciate your trusting me enough
to show me how you relate to Ally. Do you think that your behavior will enhance your
relationship with her? Can you think of behaviors that might work better?
Jake just stared at me. He grabbed his car keys off the table and stalked out of the office,
slamming the door. I believe that may have been my shortest session. Ally began to cry and
said, Do you see what I mean? He blows up for no reason.
Yes, I saw.
In the beginning, when they met in a business environment, Jake had been Prince Charming.
Later he turned into the self-absorbed, demanding Mr. Grinch. She met his mask of
perfection and dazzling fascination and did not recognize its short shelf life. Perhaps, you
will recognize the mask when you see it.
Psychopath or Narcissist?
You have read the descriptions and case studies for both of these types. You probably have
a relatively good idea of the differences and commonalities. I asked three experts in their
fields for their professional observations on Narcissists and Psychopaths. Sam Vaknin is the
author of Malignant Self-Love: Narcissism Revisited:
As opposed to most narcissists, psychopaths are either unable or unwilling to control
their impulses or to delay gratification. They use their affected and ostentatious
"rage" to control people and manipulate them into submission. Psychopaths are also
sadistic: they take pleasure in inflicting pain on their victims or in deceiving them.
They even find it funny! Both the psychopath and the narcissist disregard society, its
conventions, social cues and social treaties. But the psychopath carries this disdain
to the extreme and is likely to be a scheming, calculated, ruthless, and, sometimes,
callous career criminal. Psychopaths really do not need other people while narcissists
are addicted to narcissistic supply (the admiration, attention and envy of others).
One of the nations leading forensic psychiatrists, Dr. Bruce Harry evaluates mentally
disordered offenders for the judicial and correctional systems at both the state and federal
levels.
From a practical standpoint, Narcissists and Psychopaths are similar but not
identically the same, especially in the workplace. Each deeply inside strongly resents
submitting to the authority of someone over them, especially when that someone is
of a kind particularly despised or resented by them. Each excessively uses others to
accomplish their own ends and purposes. Each tends to see themselves as being
above co-workers and supervisors. However, psychopaths in particular do not
respond to anxiety or fear the way most other people do. Instead, they seek risky
excitation, tend to fly by the seat of their pants (or, skirts), tend to commit crimes,
and tend towards displays of anger and aggression.
A successful professional in finance offers the following perspectives about narcissists and
financial success:
I've noted that for narcissists, the success breeds more success in financial areas, but
then further creates a wall between developing emotional ties/binds with others.
The financial gain or "hit" from winning the financial transaction outweighs any
emotional support or build-up which is forgotten compared to the "hit" from the
win.
These experts add insight into the differences in these two types and into the mind and
motivation of the financially successful Narcissist.
Conclusion
Here you have your roadmaps or GPS for recognizing the narcissists and psychopaths among
us. Keep in mind; one need not meet the full criteria for either disorder to be disruptive
and/or disastrous in the workplace. One can meet some or many of the criteria and yet not
be diagnosable. The percentage of these individuals in the population then increases from
the estimated 1% each (for diagnosable narcissists and psychopaths) to a much higher
number. One might think since they are not really psychopaths or narcissists they are
Teddy Bears and can be handled with ease? One might be mistaken.
Special Note to Leaders
Yes, quite right, successful narcissists and psychopaths know how to play the game and win
at any cost. However, a word of caution is due before you hire him or herliability.