WHEN I WAS A CHILD

An Exhortation (Sermon) by Ady Miles

CRITICISM AND PRAISE
There is a very well-known poem written by the late
Dorothy Louise Law-Nolte in 1957. She died in 2005,
aged just 48, the same age that I am as I write this, but
her words remain true...
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for.
themselves
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.

If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have
a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn
respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in
themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice
place in which to live.

Were you negatively affected by a parent, guardian or

another family member whilst we were growing up?
Were you negatively affected by friends and peers whilst we
were growing up?
We read in Proverbs chapter 22 verse 6...
Train up a child in the way he should go,
And when he is old he will not depart from it.
A slightly more accurate and helpful translation could be...
Steer and keep your children on the right path
[whilst they are still young],
so that, when they grow older, they will not leave it.
It is interesting that where the most love is, there is often the
most hurt. And, where they most pain or hate is, love will
stand-out and shine, just like the moon in the night sky, or a
bright torch in a dark cave.
It has been said in recent times, Too much love will kill

you. Of course, we are not talking about that Agape Love

of God, which is perfect. We are talking about when parents
in particular say things that they think are for our best, or
they just don't think of the effect their words will have on
their children. Words that actually hurt and upset us or
undermine our self-confidence and self-esteem. Of course,
as children growing up, we rarely challenge these
statements, our of respect for our parents, but also because
they are our main teachers and, at least until we reach our
teenage years, we trust their judgement, almost without
question. We usually just soak up their comments and, when
we are older, we subconsciously use them as reasons why we
fail, why we are not good enough or why we should not
even bother trying.
The saying that, Sticks and stones may break my bones,
but words will never hurt me! is a big lie we have all been
sold when we are young. Words CAN hurt and they often
DO hurt. Words can actually cause far deeper and more
lasting damage than any superficial physical wounds. They
can affect our self-confidence and, more importantly, they
can affect our faith.
As an adult, perhaps there is some truth in the saying, as we
can do our very best to refuse to let the negative words and
unfair criticism of others affect us. However, even as an
adult, no one is immune to getting dragged down by
negative words or unfair criticism. If this is true of an adult,
how much more so is it of a child or a teenager? When we

are a child or teenager, perhaps particularly a teenager, we

are often very self-conscious and over-aware of what others
think of us.
Every single thing done and said to us or we hear about
ourselves affects us. Yes, if we are strong, we can choose to
not let it affect us that much, but the fact remains, it does
still affect us. We are all products of our upbringing and the
family environment we were surrounded by. What yourselves
and I experienced as children and teenagers has moulded us
into the people we are today. Those fortunate enough to live
and learn with parents, guardians and teachers who
understood the dangers of negative words and overcriticism are almost certainly those of us who are more
confident and less self-conscious. They hopefully you - are
unlikely to have significant issues with self-esteem or selfconfidence.
There are those of us who were fortunate and blessed
enough to receive regular encouragement, praise and
reassurance. Sometimes this was given alongside negative
comments and over-criticism, undoing much of the good
achieved by the more positive words and actions.
Sadly, those of us whose parents, guardians or teachers did
not understand the dangers of negative words and overcriticism are almost certainly those of us who are lacking in
self-confidence and are significantly more self-conscious.

Some of us may also have been bullied at some time whilst

at school and the memories can last a long time.
So what can we do about this?
The truth is, none of us can change our past. We can only
live for the present and prepare ourselves for our future.
What was true of our experience as children and teenagers is
still true today.
If we allow ourselves to be surrounded by negative,
unhelpful, unkind, unthoughtful, uncaring and unloving
people, or those who are simply unobservant or over-critical
of us, we will simply compound and magnify many of the
hang-ups and complexes we were allowed to develop as
children or teenagers.
As the Book of Proverbs confirms, even as children, we were
know by both our conduct and words...
20:
11 Even small children are known by their actions you can see if their conduct is pure and right
12 Ears that hear and eyes that see

the LORD has made them both.

Of course, it is important to remember that the same is also
true for us today as adults. We must do our utmost to
surround ourselves with positive, constructive, kind,
thoughtful, caring and loving people. By doing so, we can
overcome many of the hang-ups and complexes we were
allowed to develop as children or teenagers.
WAYS TO COMMUNICATE
It can be said that there are basically four ways to
communicate, but each of them speaks volumes!

1. You can say something negative or unhelpful

2. You can say nothing
Sometimes this is a good thing, such as when
something is kindly overlooked out of compassion,
sympathy or mercy. And, sometimes, just listening can
be the right thing to do. Sometimes someone just
needs to be heard.
However, most times, a lack of communication is a bad
thing. Without communication, you cannot truly know if

someone has a problem and, if the communication isn't

both ways, the other person isn't getting an answer or
reassurance to their problems or questions.

3. You can say something positive and encouraging.

4. You can show the person physical affection, by
smiling, or giving them an affectionate squeeze,
hug, cuddle or kiss, or simply by putting an arm
around their shoulders (even just sympathetic bodylanguage or mirroring can reassure someone.)
When something positive and encouraging is said, and
also followed-up with physical affection, then that is
extremely powerful. The other person feels reassured
and loved. Even if the other person cannot solve their
problem, or give them an answer to their dilemma, they
have still been heard and shown that others care about
their suffering or confusion.
Of course, what we have been thinking about is our human
lives in our human bodies, influenced by the strengths and
weaknesses, and the good works and kind comments, or the
careless actions and words of those around us.
THE APOSTLE PAUL

The Apostle said in 1 Corinthians chapter 13 (you'll find me

referencing this a lot, as it's my favourite chapter in the
Bible!) Let us read verse 11...
Paul says,
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a
child, I thought as a child;
but when I became a man, I put away childish things.
I will confess it is rather easy to imagine a mum or dad
hastily picking up numerous toys, books and games from
the lounge floor, but is it these things the Apostle Paul is
referring to?
Of course, to some extent, he may be, but I very much doubt
children in those days had that many toys and games (and
certainly not that many books!)
I don't think Paul was saying that we, as adults, should no
longer play games together or read books with pictures in.
No, the clues are in what he actually says in verse 11

All we need to do, is to change the words to make sense of

it for us today...
When I became a man, I spoke like a man, I understood
like a man, I thought like a man;
but when I was a child, I was always speaking,
understanding and thinking like a child.
So it's about the way we speak, understand and think,
not necessarily giving up our childhood toys and books!
JESUS
It was incredibly important that Jesus had the right
upbringing. His parents would be absolutely crucial in
raising the Son of Man. It would be easy to say that God, His
actual Father, was purely responsible for developing the Son
of God, but I think this would be doing his Earthly parents a
big injustice.
Mary was chosen in particular for her purity, gentleness and
motherly-instincts. She was also very young and at the peak
of her health. Joseph was a man of high integrity. To others,
there was obvious evidence that his fiance was unfaithful to
him. Yes, he was confused by Mary's talk of an angel visiting
her and telling her about the son she must bear, and he was

deeply worried about what the people would do to Mary,

but he never held this against Mary and he never stopped
loving her, despite the highly confusing and alarming
situation. On top of this, he then chose to believe what God
had revealed to him in a dream He was also a physically-fit
hard-worker and he would do anything to keep his wife and
son from harm, even if that meant travelling long distances
and living in strange countries for many months and years
Did you notice that even Jesus' mother and father needed
REASSURANCE? What a huge responsibility had been placed
upon their shoulders! They were to bring-up and nurture the
only-begotten Son of God!!
Of course, they had a child who fully honoured and obeyed
them. They also had the huge privilege of watching Him
becoming Spiritually-strong and wiser and wiser as he grew
up.
We all need such reassurance. We may not get it in the form
of an angel appearing to us, nor in a dream (although
nothing is beyond God's power, even in this age.)
However, we can REASSURE OURSELVES through His Word
and we can REASSURE ONE ANOTHER through sharing and
discussing His Word, through communicating with each
other, showing love to each another, using our talents and
helping each another develop their own talents, giving gifts

and praying for each another.

JESUS SAID
Jesus said two main things about children:
1. Let's turn to Matthew chapter 9, and read from
verse 33...
Then He came to Capernaum. And when He was in
the house He asked them, What was it you
disputed about among yourselves whilst on the
road?
34 But they kept silent for, whilst on the road, they

had disputed among themselves who would be the

greatest.
35 And He sat down, called the twelve, and said to
them, If anyone desires to be first, he will be
last of all and servant of all.
36 Then He took a little child and set them in the

middle of them. And when He had taken them in

His arms, (that's a nice observation that Mark

records there, isn't it?) He then said to them,

37 Whoever receives one of these little children
in My name receives Me; and whoever receives
Me, receives not just Me, but also Him who sent
Me.

I think Jesus is teaching us here that we must

accept all children and, by clear extension, all other
new believers with open arms, without judging
them
2. Let's then read what Matthew records in Matthew
chapter 18, reading from verse 1 to verse 3...
1 At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying,
Who then is greatest in the Kingdom of
Heaven?
2 Then Jesus called a little child to Him, set them

in the middle of them, (notice: the child didn't ask Him

why!)
3 and He said to them, Assuredly, I say to you,

unless you are converted and become like little children,

you will by no means enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

So we must become like little children, in order to enter the

Kingdom of God.
But what does this mean?
Let's read on to verse 4...
4 Therefore whoever humbles themselves like this
little child is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven.
So humility is key to entering the Kingdom of God.
It may astonish you to know that the word for 'humility' here
is from the Greek word which means depression or
humiliation (literally, being brought low.)
It's more than just the absence of pride! It's about
serving others. It's about minimising your own
importance and esteeming and raising up others as
more important than yourselves. Building them up!
It's not that you're not important in your own right. You
should not have low self-esteem. You should see
yourself as Christ sees you. A child of God. One of His

Sisters or Brothers!
THE KINGDOM
There is coming a time when all children will have only a
positive influence on their lives and we, as fully-adopted
Children of the Living God, will no longer be subject to the
weaknesses and temptations of our human nature. No more
anxiety, no more confusion, nor more heartache, no more
hurting, no more pain. No more aches and fatigue. Children
will play with lions and snakes. Nature will be perfect once
again. The righteous will be perfected through the gift of
Immortality to enjoy God's Heaven and Earth in Peace, Joy
and Love, just as He originally intended.