Monday 7th April @ 3pm

How to free yourself and assert your rights

Part One
In 2009 I was at an all time low. I was deeply unhappy in my marriage and
very depressed. At my worst point I finally confided in my parents and
they decided to pay for me to have treatment at arguably one of the best
facilities in the world. During my time there I embarked on an unexpected
journey of self discovery and began my life-long quest to gain greater
psychological knowledge and understanding. It is a journey which has
given me many insights into human nature and one I have found
profoundly rewarding.
One of the very first things I was introduced to when I got treatment was
the notion that all of us have basic rights we are born with. These rights
are separate from our legal human rights however they are just as
intrinsic to our very being. In one of my very first assertiveness classes I
was given a list of these basic rights. I would later discover these were
taken from Anne Dicksons book A Woman In Your Own Right:
Assertiveness And You. Although the book speaks to woman, the rights
and assertiveness principles outlined in her book are universal and are
just as applicable to men.
With no prior knowledge of psychology I was astounded by some of the
rights written before me in black and white. Being naturally passive, it had
never occurred to me that, as Anne so eloquently puts it I have the right
to be treated with respect as an intelligent, capable and equal human
being. Before having treatment and coming into contact with Annes
work, a large portion of my life was spent angry with others and never
quite understanding why. I was overwhelmed with a sense of validation as
I read through Annes list of our rights, each one designed to honour our
innate dignity as human beings. Because I had never known what my
rights were I had allowed others to violate them throughout my life,
without even realising it. In reading Annes list of rights, it was as if I had
just been told I had been a prisoner all of my life, and I had suddenly
realised why I felt so trapped. Finally I was liberated because I now knew
where my anger had come from, but - most liberating of all - I could
ensure these rights were no longer violated by using assertiveness.
In her book A Woman In Your Own Right: Assertiveness And You Anne
Dickson lists the following as our intrinsic rights:
1) I have the right to state my own needs and set my own priorities as
a person, independent from any roles that I may assume in my life.
2) I have the right to be treated with respect as an intelligent, capable
and equal human being.
3) I have the right to express my feelings.

4) I have the right to express my opinions and values.

5) I have the right to say no and yes for myself.
6) I have the right to make mistakes and forgive myself.
7) I have the right to change my mind.
8) I have the right to say I dont understand and ask for more
information.
9) I have the right to ask for what I want.
10)
I have the right to decline responsibility for other peoples
problems.
11)
I have the right to deal with others without being dependent
on them for approval.
Have others violated your rights when interacting with you in the past?
How did this leave you feeling? When these rights are violated we can
often feel angry we are not being treated with the consideration and
respect we deserve and rightly so! These are, after all, our fundamental
rights from birth and are the basis of our most basic boundaries.
Next week well explore how these rights can affect our self-esteem and
each right will be looked at in more detail so we can better understand the
importance of them in our everyday lives.
Exercises:
1) Note down the rights which have been violated against you.
2) Try to memorise the rights that have been violated against you so
you can more easily recognise when they are being violated in
future.
Further resources:
(A Woman In Your Own Right: Assertiveness and You) by Anne Dickson,
available on Amazon
Monday 14th April @ 3pm

How to free yourself and assert your rights

Part Two

Last week we discovered Anne Dicksons list of rights as outlined in her

book Assertiveness and You: A Woman In Your Own Right. These are
intrinsic rights which we were all born with and in asserting these rights
we recognise our own worth as dignified human beings. In fact, the very
act of asserting these rights serves to boost our self-esteem. Lets explore
them in more detail to better understand them and the importance they
hold in our lives.
I have the right to state my own needs and set my own priorities
as a person, independent from any roles that I may assume in my
life. This right recognises our existence beyond the roles we inhabit
(whether they be that of a husband, wife, mother or father) and accepts
we have priorities beyond the realms of those roles. We are all, at our
core, individuals and this right highlights we should be treated as such. In
truth, to have priorities for ourselves outside of the roles we inhabit is
healthy as it promotes a sense of autonomy and individuality.
I have the right to be treated with respect as an intelligent,
capable and equal human being. This is one of our most basic rights
and yet one that is violated all too often. Absolutely all of us deserve to be
treated with respect.
I have the right to express my feelings. However we may
sometimes feel we were all born with worth and your feelings are just as
valuable as anyone elses. In expressing your feelings to others you are
subconsciously communicating you positive self-worth. Indeed, the very
act of others listening to your feelings is validating and may even
contribute towards improving your self-esteem.
I have the right to express my opinions and values. We all have
the right to our own opinions, beliefs and values. This may sound simple,
perhaps even obvious, but all too often others try to impress their
opinions, beliefs and values upon us, negating our right to our own
opinions, beliefs and values in the process. When they refuse to allow us
the freedom to choose our own opinions, beliefs and values they are
violating our rights on a fundamental level. If this right is violated
frequently and over a prolonged period of time it can lower our selfesteem and can even lead to depression in some severe cases. If we are
to maintain a healthy sense of self this right must be protected.
I have the right to say no and yes for myself. When others say
no and yes for us they are making decisions for us based upon their
priorities and values. It is our fundamental right to make our own
decisions based upon our own priorities and values. When others violate
this right it disempowers us, and this silently communicates to others, and
to ourselves, that we are incapable of making decisions which is a
complete fallacy! If this right is violated over time it can reduce our selfesteem and so it is critical we assert our right to say no and yes for
ourselves.

I have the right to make mistakes and forgive myself. Every

person without exception makes mistakes and this right reinforces the
right to make those mistakes and forgive ourselves for doing so,
understanding that no one is perfect. We also have the right to feel
comfortable in admitting our mistakes to others.
I have the right to change my mind. Each of us has the right to
change our mind no matter what the circumstance or reason.
I have the right to say I dont understand and ask for more
information. Usually when we dont understand we simply need further
clarification. This right enables us to feel comfortable in admitting to when
we dont understand and feel confident in asking for more information.
I have the right to ask for what I want. This right highlights that
our wants are just as valid as anyone elses. We have every right to make
reasonable requests of others and ask for what we want.
I have the right to decline responsibility for other peoples
problems. Generally our own problems are enough to contend with
without others imposing their problems onto us also. If others exclaim
their problems to us we are within our rights to refuse responsibility for
them. Depending on the situation we may not only take responsibility for
others problems but try to rescue them too. However if this is the case, it
is worth remembering that when we try to rescue others we may, in fact,
be serving to disempower them.
I have the right to deal with others without being dependent on
them for approval. This right reminds us that we do not need to seek
the approval of others when dealing with them and frees us to deal with
people according to our own set of values and beliefs.
In addition we have the right to be either miserable or cheerful no matter
who we are with or wherever we are. We have the right to behave how we
feel without having to act for other peoples benefit.
Next week we will explore how to empower ourselves to assert these
rights which will serve to significantly boost our self-esteem.
Exercises:
1) List the top three rights which you find have been violated against
you.
2) Out of the three rights choose one you would like to work on
asserting next week.
Further resources:

(A Woman In Your Own Right: Assertiveness and You) by Anne Dickson,

available on Amazon
Monday 21st April @ 3pm

How to free yourself and assert your rights

Part Three
Last week we examined each right and saw how significant they all were
in maintaining our sense of worth and self-esteem. This week we will look
at how to begin asserting these rights to others, encouraging them to
treat us with the consideration and respect we all deserve.
Each and every right serves to emphasise our self-worth as dignified,
competent and equal human beings. When any of our fundamental rights
are violated it silently communicates that either we are incapable or of
less worth than others neither of which are true. Thankfully it is within
our control to refuse others violating our rights.
The first step to protecting our rights is to memorise them so we can
quickly recognise when they have been violated. The second step is to
calmly deal with those who have violated our rights in an assertive way. In
being assertive, we create the right in question as a personal boundary
and vocalise this to others.
To effectively assert yourself follow these four simple steps:
1) Acknowledge what the person has said. E.g. I understand that is
your opinion
2) State the facts. E.g. I have the right to my own opinion, it is just
different than yours
3) State the impact. E.g. I am offended and angry by your comment
that my opinion is wrong
4) State what you want. E.g. If we share different opinions in future I
would appreciate it if you would refrain from stating my opinion as
wrong
For a more in-depth exploration of assertiveness techniques please read
next months series Assertiveness: A Journey Worth Taking.
Once we are aware of our rights and can assert them effectively we are
delivering a powerful message. A message that we deserve to be listened
to and taken seriously. By being assertive we communicate to others that
we not only respect ourselves, but that we also expect others to treat us
with that same level of respect.

Looking back I feel truly lucky to have come into contact with Anne
Dicksons work. It is no exaggeration to say that the first time I read my
rights I had one of the most validating and liberating experiences of my
life. Join me and lets escape from our cells where our rights are violated,
using assertiveness as our key. After a lifetime of confinement, freedom
and liberty now await us.
Exercises:
1) Choose one of Annes rights which you have experienced being
violated on a regular basis. Write down how you would state the
facts, state the impact and state what you want as described above.
2) Role play with someone close to you how you will assert this
boundary.
3) Memorise your assertive response so that you can more easily
assert yourself the next time this right is violated. Remember to
have a calm steady tone of voice whilst asserting yourself.
Further resources:
(A Woman In Your Own Right: Assertiveness and You) by Anne Dickson,
available on Amazon