A world

turned upside
down
How the Syrian civil
war is b~inging down
the house next door
ByAA Gill

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THE SUNDAY TIMES

magaztne

JANUARY 18 2015

Regulars
5 Kinchen Confidential
My secret mixed-raced life
ROSIE KINCHEN

5 God ofSmall Things

Why cats hate baths
MATTRUDD

7 Relative Values
The film director Stephen
Frears and his son, Sam, who
has a rare genetic disorder

10 Forget me not

Digital

Spectrum: one photographer's moving portraits

of his mother, who suffers from Alzheimer's disease
ANTHONY LYCETT

16 Sleeping his way to the top

Brian Chesky founded Airbnb for student couchsurfers.
How did he become one of the world's biggest hoteliers?
KATIE GLASS

24 You looking at me?

The Hunger Games star Stanley Tucci (below) talks about
finding happiness in London after heartbreak in New York
TANYAGOLI;>

The bleak midwinter

Inside the refugee camps
as Syrian refugees
brace for the long, cold
months ahead at

8 Small Ads, Big Story

Farewell to a hang-glider

thesundaytimes.co.uk/
lebanon

62 A Life in the Day

Mi casaes sucasa
Airbnb hosts talk about
how they stay safe when
inviting strangers
into their home, at

Marcus Harvey, artist

thesundaytimes.co.uk/
airbnb
Ice man cometh
See Stanley Tucci in a
trailer for his new thriller,
Fortitude, set in the Arctic
Circle, at thesundaytimes.

co.uk/stanleytucci

30 Lebanon divided
COVER STORY How does a country with a population of

Contributor's note

'1've loved Airbnb from day

one, and I'm a champion
ofmicro-entrepreneurs.
But the booming 'sharing
economy' is landing us with
a whole new set ofproblems."

4m cope with l.Sm Syrian refugees? We enter the camps to

uncover stories of official neglect and personal kindness
AA GILL

40 Highway hellraisers
Spectrum: the boy racers who burn rubber in old bangers
SOPHIE GREEN

Web

thesundaytimes.co.uk/
magazine
Twitter

@TheSTMagazine
Email

magazine@sunday-times.
co.uk

KATIE GLASS, Pl6

51 On the Bottle
Exhilarating
low-calorie wines
DAMIAN BARR

53 The Classic
Butternut squash, basil
and onion quiche
46 Spicy Sunday
Delicious mackerel &
Asian dressing

LORRAINE PASCALE

JAMIE OLIVER

The Crown in Woodstock

56.Table Talk
AAGILL

48 Shape up in style
Three flavoursome skinny
recipes for fasting days

57 The Ingredient
Arbroath smokies

GIZZI ERSKINE

SOPHIE HAYDOCK

THE SUNDAY TIMES MAGAZINE 3

Kinchen Confidential
The stories of my Asian heritage
are thrilling. But where do I fit in?

.--- --

We have two pet cats,

and they have many pet fleas.

Time for a good scrub.

ROSIE
KINCHEN

n the immortal words of Michael

Jackson, it doesn't matter if
you're black or white. But what if
you're something in the middle
that nobody can put their finger on?
My father is white and British, but
my mother was born in Sri Lanka and
carne here on a boat when she was 12.
When we travel as a family en
masse, my brother, sister and I look like
a living, breathing Benetton ad: an array
of shades and tones, from very Asian
to not obviously Asian at all. On family
holidays, I'd always enjoy the confusion
on people's faces as they tried to work
out who belonged to whom.
I'm several degrees lighter than
my siblings; my mother's "white baby".
And although I often forget it, I'm
part of Britain's swelling mixed-race

I'm several degrees lighter than

my siblings; my mother's
"white baby". When we travel
as a family en masse, my
brother, sister and I look like
a living, breathing Benetton ad

population. It is America that often

claims to be a melting pot of race. When
Barack Obama, with his mixed Kenyan
and American heritage, emerged as
a presidential frontrunner in 2004, he
declared that "in no other country on
Earth is my story even possible". But he
was wrong. Mixed marriages are more
likely to occur in Britain, where racial
segregation is less entrenched. So
much so that in the 2011 census, the
fastest-growing ethnic group was mixed
race (doubling from 2001, to 1.2m).
Researchers have even identified
the "Jessica Ennis Generation", after
the Olympics poster girl whose mother
is Caucasian and father is Jamaican.
Of course, immigration is a
touchstone issue right now, but how

do we feel about those who have diluted

and blended in? For the most part,
I have enjoyed straddling two worlds.
As a child, the stories of my Asian
heritage were the most thrilling: the
legions of aunties, each madder than
the next, the crocodiles in the garden,
the hopeless romance; only in Sri Lanka
do people die "of a broken heart".
And then, of course, the murderers
(alarmingly, I can think of two in the
outer reaches of my family tree). I've
never experienced the overt racism my
mother and grandmother did. Nobody
bas ever called me a Paki, shouted
"Buddha" at me as I walk down the
street, or made jokes about boot polish.
My mother had to sit quietly by
while people discussed the absolute
rightness of Enoch Powell. When Nigel
Farage talks about immigrants placing
pressure on our infrastructure, it
doesn't even occur to me that he might
be referring to me. In part, it's because
I slip under the radar. I am an invisible
outsider. And this bas allowed me to
see something else: an occasional
shard of prejudice just as razor-sharp
and telling, because it's not directed
at me. As a child, I briefly attended
a private school full of international
pupils. Time and time again, the
pare nts and teachers would look at
my mother, look at me and assume
she was "the help". More recently
I've noticed that when people do an
impression of her speech. they always
adopt an exaggerated Indian accent
-something I've never known her
to have (the family's first home was in
Basildon. Essex, and she spoke fluent
cockney for her first years here).
Even in 21st-century Britain, we
still fall back on lazy decisions based on
skin tone and colour. Today, mixedrace children are about as common in
Britain as in America. Isn't it time our
attitudes caught up? I don't tick the
British-Asian box on employment
forms, because it isn't bow I feel. But
there is no escaping your genes. And
when my five-year-old niece, who is
three generations away from any real
experience of Sri Lanka, comes home
from school and asks sadly when her
skin is going to tum white, we're still
not quite sure what to tell her

@rosiekinchen
Katie Glass returns next week

Previously, we have shown that it is impossible

to drop a cat on its back, even from an inch off
the (cushioned) ground. This week, we have
established that it is also impossible to drop
a cat in a bath from any height. I have the
life-changing scars to prove it.
This is not a surprise. As the many thousands
ofhydrophobic cat videos on the internet show
(that's an afternoon ru never get back),
cats are hydrophobic.

Two prevailing theories. The first comes from

pandecats.com (the "premier online magazine
devoted to Persian and exotic shorthair cats").
It says it's down to experience. Either the cat isn't
used to having a bath or it was traumatised by
an earlier bath-related incident. The magazine
then offers tips for getting the cat used to bath
time (tip one: cut claws).
The second comes from several vets.
The hydrophobia has come about as the result
ofthe domestication ofcats. For thousands of
years, humans have provided cats shelter from the
elements. Cats have become finicky. Dogs, less so.
And, unlike dogs, cats are fastidious groomers.
There's no need for a bath.
If you really want a cat you can bathe, you weirdo,

there is one domestic breed, the turkish van,

which loves water.
I suggested swapping our cats for these

hydrophilic ones, but the family said

NO.

Sowe'rejustupgradingthefleapowder.
@MattRudd

THE SUNDAY TIMES MAGAZINE &

Spidng up supper is simple with our frozen herbs

and spices. They're quick and easy to use, keep
for months and add flavour to every meal

Selected stores. Subject to availability. Mix and Match offer on selected lines only. !:1.50 each. by salnsburys chopped coriander SO!J 3.00/lOOg; by salnsburys chopped chilli 75g 1:2.00/lOOg; by 5alnsbury's chopped parsley 50g 3.00/lOOg;
by salnsbury's chopped mint 50g 0 .00/JOOg; by salnsbury's chopped ginger 75g 2.00/lOOg: by salnsbury's chopped garlic IOO!J EI.SO/lOOg. Products not available in Centrals and Locals. Online delivery charges apply.

Relative Values

The film director Stephen Frears, 73, and his eldest son, Sam, 41,
who has a rare genetic disorder, talk about finding happiness
INTERVIEWS BY CAROLINE SCOTT. PHOTOGRAPH BY PAUL STUART

Stephen and Sam: "Feeling furious and resentful doesn't get you anywhere," says Sam, who has familial dysautonomia
STEPHEN As a baby, Sam used to have
to sleep sitting up in his carrycot
because if you laid him down, he'd
start choking. I remember him being
taken from the old Charing Cross
Hospital to Great Ormond Street and
saying to the doctor: "What's wrong
with him? And the doctor replying:
"It sounds as though you actually want
him to be ill." I could have happily
strangled that man.
For 18 months, nobody knew what
was going on. Then his great-aunt,
who was a paediatrician, came in one
day and said she thought be bad
familial dysautonomia. She was right.
It's a genetic disorder causing
neurological deficiencies and is found
among Ashkenazi Jews. And Sam's
mother, Mary-Kay [Wilmers,
co-founder of The London Review
of Books], and I are both carriers of the
defective gene that causes it.
Sam's symptoms included
ctifficulty swallowing, poor growth,

problems with speech and movement,

insensitivity to pain and inability to
produce tears. The majority of cases
-and there are only about 500 in
the world- are in Jerusalem and
New York. The only good news was
that because of the link with
Ashkenazi Jews, research into it had
been quite well endowed. A sort of
grim benefit.
My father, who was a GP, said he
didn't think Sam would reach the age
of20. Mary-Kay was told later that
he wasn't expected to Jive past the age

"My son is so extraordinary,

so unique, so adorable. I don't
everfeel desolate about his
condition, and when I see
him, I always come away
feeling incredibly cheerful"

oflO. But none of it seemed relevant

Stephen
and
it didn't help to know.
The OscarI could see that we had a disabled
nominated
child and his life had to be as good as
director ofThe
it could possibly be. I was going to say
Grifters and The
learning about his condition was the
Queen hasfour
first real tragedy of my life, but the
children: Sam
and Will from Ills
truth is, Sam has been nothing but
first marriage to
a complete triumph.
Mary-Kay
My marriage to Mary-Kay had
Wilmers, and
broken up by the time Sam was two, so
Frankie and Lola she took the brunt oflooking after him
from Ills second to and his baby brother, Will. They'd
the painterAnne
come to me at weekends, and my wife,
Rothenstein
Annie, their stepmother, would take
over the treatments that Sam always
needed to have done, like chest physio
and the s uctioning of his lungs. I'm
worked as an
perfectly aware of my failings. Why
actorfor the
couldn't 1do it? I don't know. Cowardice.
north London
Lack of courage. It was unbearable.
theatre company
Cllickenslzed, lzad I just couldn't stand to see it.
Sam was forever going into Great
a walk-on role
Ormond Street, which, as much as
in The Queen
I didn' t want him to be there, is the ~

~ ~=whohas

THE SUNDAY nMES MAGAZINE 7

greatest place in the world, and they

started to learn about his illness which no one knew much about.
There were big discussions over
whether he should go to a school for
disabled children; my view was that
there was no benefit in conventional
education because Sam's mind was
focused on things the rest of us take
for granted, like swallowing and
balancing. Mary-Kay used to hire the
brightest young men from Cambridge
and Oxford and say: "You can live in
my house rent-free, but you've got to
look after Sam."
Now I think he is serene in his
ability to cope. Occasionally he'll have
a black moment, but most of the time

Stephen and Sam, aged 1, in 1973. He

was not expected to live beyond 10
he conceals the pain. He's a lesson to
us all. Over the past few years Sam's
eyesight has deteriorated, so that even
his ability to watch TV, which he's mad
about, has been taken away, but he
never complains. When you're out with
him, he's very much in charge. Two
years ago, he had this extraordinary
40th birthday party at Shored itch
Town Hall. It was full of actors from
EastEnders, which he loves. He even
had a personal message from Kylie.
The only thing Sam loves more
than a party is an audience. He makes
speeches as if he's receiving an Oscar,
thanking people for coming. My son is
such a character, so extraordinary, so
unique, so adorable. I don't ever feel
desolate about his condition, and
when I see him, I always come away
feeling incredibly cheerful.
I don't know whether he would
be like this if he weren't ill, but I think
he is the least tormented of all of us,
I really believe that. I just want him to
go on feeling happy and loved.
I wouldn't wish on anyone what has
happened to him, but I'm his dad and
I just think he's wonderful.
8 THE SUNDAY TIMES MAGAZINE

SAM How can I put this politely? Dad

wasn't the best at dealing with my
problems. Mum dealt with everything
to do with my illness. She's remarkable.
My stepmum, Annie, was fantastic, too,
but ifI was in hospital and had to have
a blood test, Dad would leave the room
because he's squeamish.
Dad used to say he'd only come to
the hospital to see what grub people
had brought me. So while everyone
else was being gloomy and serious,
he'd go, "What have you got in then?",
and start rustling through my
cupboards. One day he came in with
Ade Edmondson and Rik Mayall, who'd
brought two bottles of champagne.
I was having a blood transfusion at the
time, so he gave one to my nanny and
one to the nurses.
When my brother and I went to
stay with him, the only thing he could
cook was shepherd's pie. He'd then
say: "This is one of the best shepherd's
pies of the century, so wrap your
laughing gear round it." That meant he
was in a good mood, and when he's
like that, everyone else is happy. Dad
can be grumpy, but he's also warm,
funny and clever - he studied law at
Cambridge -but I don't think he's
ever had a plan. He is happiest when
he is working, so between projects he
gets frustrated and depressed. He does
Pilates now, which has been good for
him, but a bit yummy mummy for me.
I have breakfast with him twice a
week and always try to cheer him up.
I love seeing him and I love to see him
happy. If I'm having troubles, I think
he feels it. He hates soppiness, but
lately he's started to talk more about
my health. He worries because my
sight is going, but other than that we
don't talk about the future much. I love
Mum and Dad very much, but I try to
get all the bad stuff out by talking to
my counsellor rather than my family.
There have been so many times
when I wasn't expected to make it, my
outlook is clear. Life is short, so feeling
furious and resentful doesn't get you
anywhere. I've also been incredibly
lucky to be surrounded by amazing
people, like Alan Bennett and the actor
Roger Uoyd-Pack from Only Fools and
Horses- my favourite show. Roger
died of pancreatic cancer last year.
I miss him dreadfully, but I wanted to
do something in memory of him, so
me and my friend Courage abseiled
down the Avon Gorge for charity.
A saying I like is: "It will pass." And
that's not one of Del Boy's, by the way.
I've been very fortunate in many ways.
But it doesn't matter how good or bad
things are, nothing is for ever. Just
enjoy each day as it comes

Sam is supporting Pancreatic Cancer

UK in memory ofRoger Lloyd-Pack.
pancreaticcancer.org.uk

Small Ads. Big Story

you name it. Of course, when

FOR SALE:
A MUCH- LOVED
HANG-GLIDER
Scott Dickenson,
34, Cumbria

IT'S ALL MY LOVELY

mum's fault. From the

minute I, her beloved
little Scotty, was born,
she mollycoddled me and
wrapped me up in cotton
wool on a dally basis. While
other kids were out exploring
the world, grazing knees and
elbows, I was encouraged to
stay inside and read a book
or play a board game out
of harm's way.
Of course, this backfired
hugely as soon as I was
old enough to have my
own say. By 18 my hair was
shaved into a mohican and
I had more tattoos and
piercings than I care to
remember. I also got into
adrenaline sports: skating,
snowboarding, motorbikes,

I realised these wouldn't pay

the bills and I was going to

have to get a proper job, each

extreme sport began falling
by the wayside as qulckly as
my pierclngs healed up.
But then there was
hang-gliding. For some
reason I couldn't quite give
it up. I suppose I always
thought It to be quite a tame,
relaxing pastime, so I kept
taking my glider out every
few months just to feel that
buzz again. There's honestly
nothing like it; I can't even
put it into words, that
feeling of being free.
However, there comes a time
when a guy knows he needs
to hang his wings up for
good. And that time will be
in April, when my wife gives
birth to two little boys, our
first children.
Hands-on daddies don't
hang-glide, apparently.
Which is fair enough; you
can't be on nappy-changing
duty when you're thousands
offeet in the air, so my dear
glider, my original baby,
has sadly got to go

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Interview: Emma Broomfield

#STMindgame
This week, redefine a word, any word,
just like @katylubin did here :

mommoomo
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Tweet @TheSTMagazine and we'll retweet our favourites.

The best will appear in print on Sunday, February 1
The winner, trends you'dUketo seepeakln2015:

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before anyone has heard ofthem (eg, mansplain)

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Smallbone.co. uk 020 7589 5998

C reg design & design right

Part of the ca.Wg ~

Forget me not

SPECTRUM

After his mother was

diagnosed with Alzheimer's,
Anthony Lycett photographed
her every month, in the same
country lane, to create a
lasting memory of their time
together over the years

For the past three years, Lycett and 83-year-old

Elsie have taken a regular walk near her home
in Coventry. Each time they pause at the same
spot on a country lane, and there Lycett
photographs his mother, come rain or shine.
For him it is an opportunity to create
a new memory with her. For Elsie - one of
850,000 people with dementia in the UKthe moment is instantly forgotten.
"I began the project to understand my new
relationship with my mother, following her
Alzheimer's diagnosis," says Lycett. "I've come
to terms with being forgotten by her, but
I wanted to share our experience in case
It helps people in similar situations."
The project features more than 70 images,
which Lycett intends to publish as a book
to raise awareness for dementia research
Visit anthollylycett.com

'I

THE SUNDAY TIMES MAGAZINE 13

The new Passat. With Area View.

You need to know exactly what's going on around you, and that's never truer than when you're
sitting in your car. In the new Passat, optional Area View gives you just that. It scans the
environment on all sides, giving you specific views - to the rear, for example - or an overall
360-degree perspective. It will even let you see around corners.

Model shown New Passat R-Line 2.0-litre with optional m etallic paint, 19-inch Verona alloy wheels, LED premium headlights and sunrool
real driving results. Official fuel consumption in mpg (litrellOOkm) for the Volkswagen Passat range: urban 43.5 (6.5) - 62.8 (4.5); extra urbru

As advanced as you are.

Das Auto.

R-Line available to order now, first deliveries fromApril2015. Standard EU Test figures for comparative purposes and may not reflect
60.1 (4.7) - 78.5 (3.6); combined 52.3 (5.4) - 70.6 (4.0); C02 emissions 140 - 103g/km. Information correct at time of print

AIRBNB
he weekend I flew
to the Airbnb
headquarters in
San Francisco to
meet its founder,
I Airbnb'd my flat.
My flatmate and
I put our place
on the holidayproperty listing
website for 200 a night. So for the week we
were away we made 1,000. For the couple
renting it, our two-bed central London flat
was far cheaper than a hotel. For us, it was an
easy way to make cash. It was a win-win
arrangement. At least, that is how it seemed.
I was an early Airbnb adopter. I started
using the website in 2011, three years after
it was founded by Rhode Island School of
Design graduates Joe Gebbia and Brian
Chesky. Unable to afford the rent on their San
Francisco loft apartment, they started renting
out airbeds in their living room. Soon, their
Airbedandbreakfast service was so busy, they
started suggesting other people rent their
places out. They got a techie friend, Nathan
Blecharczyk, to build a website. By 2011, when
I joined, Airbnb had 120,000 properties listed
and 800,000 guests. I was instantly addicted.
I loved the easy money I made renting my
home out, and the amazing, cheap holidays
it sent me on. What travel agent can offer a
Romany Caravan in Cornwall, an Igloo in
Greenland, a lighthouse in New York, the
- - - - chance to rent your own private island or-an
entire rural ranch in Cottonwood, Idaho?
With Airbnb, I've rented an ancient flat in
Bratislava; a tiny studio in Cannes - super
cheap during the film festival when hotels are
overpriced; a vast bam on the Isle of Wight to
party in over Bestival; a seafront house in
Camber with a flashing anchor inside; and a
tenement flat in New York's Hell Kitchen that

- like in the movies - had a fire escape

curling up the back. All for half the price of a
hotel. No wonder millions of people shared
my enthusiasm for the concept.
Airbnb has now hosted more than 26m
guests in 1m properties worldwide. A million
British people have travelled Airbnb. This
year, Airbnb experienced a 76% growth in the
UK and 35,000 British properties are listed on
the site, 23,000 of them in London.
However, last year, I'd got my first whiff of
trouble at the Airbnb mill. While I was Jiving
in Westminster, I received a warning through
the Ietterbox telling me that I could be fined
20,000 by Westminster City Council for
subletting my flat. Was it actually unlawful
for me to rent out my place? Surely, in this
enlightened age, that would fly in the face of
everything that is great about the muchtrumpeted "sharing economy" -the
peer-to-peer marketplace, jet-propelled by the
internet, that is bringing about a generation of
micro-entrepreneurs.
I emailed Nick Wilkins, Airbnb's European
head of communications. "In the UK, outside
of London, there are no Jaws that prohibit
short-term rentals," he replied. But within the
capital, there is a piece oflegislation called
the Greater London Powers Act, passed in
1973, which states that if a person rents out
their home for fewer than 90 days, they need
to get planning permission from their local
council. "This Jaw is inconsistently enforced,"
said Nick. "It's a classic postcode lottery."
I wenH-o-San-F~anciscoto.J'tnd-euH11or-e.
It is the weekend of Airbnb's first "host
conference" when I visit In a hangar decorated
with cushions, neon lights and personalised
Airbnb tote bags, 1,500 international hosts
gather to watch panel debates, seminars and
meet "superhosts" - the company's name for
those who receive "stellar reviews that reveal
exemplary skills in hospitality". Everyone
Puncture #1:

Party politics
Some Airbnb hosts have
returned to find their
homes trashed by revellers.
In March, the American
comedian Ad Ternan's
apartment was used to host
an orgy. Alrbnb reportedly
paid him $23,817 ( 15,683)
to cover the damage

I speak to Is unreservedly enthusiastic, almost

evangelical, about Airbnb. Mary, 69, from
Palm Springs used the money she makes from
renting out her casita to buy a horse. "It's
been a life-changing experience," she gushes.
Senah from Mumbai calls Airbnb a "gift" that
taught her "to care". We are shown a video of
a twentysomethingJapanese girl screaming:
"Airbnb is like family!"
Afrerwards, Brian Chesky, Airbnb's
33-year-old founder, tells me: "The whole
thing was kinda emotional. I mean, the
number of hosts that came up to us and said,
'you saved us'... you hear it again, then you
hear it again, then you hear it again: 'this has
changed my life."'
The main event this weekend is Chesky's
presentation. His emotional mother is in the
front row. Hosts and employees alike refer to
~
him as "Our Founder". Jonathan Mildenball,
~
a former head of advertising strategy at
::l
Coca-Cola and now Airbnb's chief marketing
~
officer, describes him as "an artist"; Chip
~
Conley, the company's newly acquired
~
hospitality supremo, calls him his "guru".
~
The congregation gathers to hear Cbesky's
=<
~
sermon: "When we started this company we
::e
bad a dream, that one day we could bring
i=
Q
>
<
everyone from around the world to one
z
space," Chesky begins. He tells the hosts: "You
~
open up your doors and in turn you open up
1=
people's minds. What you're doing is creating a
~
world where people can belong anywhere."lf
~
Airbnb continues to grow at its current rate, he
~
says, in a decade iliey.wen!t-just-be "the largestt - --:..~;-.hospitality company in the world. .. our host
<
community would win a Nobel Prize for Peace."
~
I laugh out loud. The congregation cheers.
;
The Airbnb offices in San Francisco look
~
like billionaire hipsters have designed them...
~
which they have. A grass wall climbs the glass
~
atrium; staff Polaroids decorate the walls.
:;
~
One office is an exact replica of the circular
Puncture #2:
Rent control
In London, local authorities
can fine those without a permit
up to .20,000 for renting out
their property for less than
90 days. The government is
seeking to end this:
"The Internet Is changing the
way we work and live, and the
law needs to catch up," says
Eric Pickles, secretary of state
for communities and local
government

..

AIRBNB
War Room from the film Dr Strangelove.
In another, software engineers work on
beanbags, under disco lights, eating Nutella,
in what looks like a teenager's bedroom. One
meeting room is done up as the original living
room Chesky rented out. Minus the airbeds.
In keeping with the company's cheery
ethos, it is Bring Your Dog To Work Day every
day, so the offices are filled with them. In the
canteen, Sam Cooke's Wonderful World is
playing: ''Don't know much about history,
Don't know much biology... But I do know that
I love you. And I know that if you love me, too,
What a wonderful world this would be."
Chesky's favourite song is John Lennon's
Imagine. "It's starting to become a personal
story," he says, plonked in a large brown
Chesterfield armchair in the boardroom,
jiggling his feet on the desk. He's wearing
jeans, a crewneck T-shirt and deck shoes. He
has the face of a child and the bank account
of Alan Sugar. He could be Tom Hanks in Big.
"The lyrics go: 'Imagine all the people sharing
all the world'... I started realising that, like, my
God! This is describing the kind of world
I want to live in. That has become the anthem
for what we aspire to believe in at Airbnb."
Chesky also likes to quote the French
Romantic poet Victor Hugo and the American
billionaire Warren Buffet. ("Get rich slow,"
he says.) I ask if he's a millennia! Richard
Branson. He grins. "Come back in 10 or 20
years and if I've grown a long, blond mane,
and I endure, then maybe that comparison is
OK. It's all about- are we going to be around
in 10 or 20 years, and how big will it be?"
Like his idol, Steve Jobs, he is an ambitious
philosopher. Why doesn't he just take the
money now and run? Because, he says, he's on
"a mission to create a world where anyone can
belong anywhere. I've decided that's my life's
work." He has personal reasons, too: "People I
admire, who I idolise, they didn't really do five

things, just one great thing. Walt Disney is

probably one of my favourite entrepreneurs.
Steve Jobs is the other."
But something jars in Chesky's Lennonesque vision: the term "sharing" has become
a misnomer for Airbnb, because we- and
they - aren't doing it for free. Airbnb makes
money by charging guests a fee of between
6% and 13%, depending on the size of the
booking, and it takes a 3% fee from what the
host makes. If it started small-scale and
localised, it has now been valued at $13bn more than some major hotel chains. Things
are changing at Airbnb. Chesky's ambitions
are known to extend beyond accommodation.
He has already piloted cleaning services and
restaurants based in people's homes. How
big is he thinking?
"Very big", he grins.
An airline?
"I don't think you'll see Airbnb the airline
for quite a while," he smiles, "which is neither
confirming or not."
To cope with this growth, in the last 18
months Chesky made two significant
appointments. In September 2013 they hired
Conley, the hospitality visionary behind the
52-strong chain of Joie de Vivre boutique
hotels. "At the time, Airbnb was perceived as
a step above couchsurfing," recalls Conley.
Today, he thinks '1\i.rbnb has definitely
become mainstream" and cross-generational
-used as much by young professionals as
empty-nesters renting their children's rooms
out. The average age of a host in Britain is 50;
the average age of a guest is 36.
Conley says Airbnb is "helping empower
grassroots hospitality around the world".
Practically, he is doing this in two ways.
Airbnb is "optimising" its site to use customer
data collated from previous trips to make
personalised recommendations. Given that
the House of Commons Science and

Technology Committee is warning tech firms

to be more transparent about how they collect
and exploit personal data, it occurs to me that
my Airbnb profile has details of all the trips
I've taken and pictures of the inside of my
house. Should I worry what Airbnb knows?
"Amazon has racy stuff too," laughs Chip. Not
very reassuring. So I go to the Airbnb privacy
policy- which runs to 4,869 words -and
find the usual small print about how the site
uses "cookies", "web beacons" and "tracking
URLs" to obtain data about users.
The second shock appointment came last
June, when Chesky hired Mildenhall, then
Coca-Cola's head of marketing, in a move
reminiscent of Steve Jobs acquiring Pepsi's
president to lead Apple's battle against ffiM.
Mildenhall introduced Airbnb's new "Beylo"
logo - a "belonging halo", signifying Airbnb
as a brand that fosters "a deep sense of
belonging that no other hospitality brand
can", Mildenhall says. "'Belonging' can
become as powerful a cultural proposition as
[the slogan} 'Magic' is for Coke."
He shows me Airbnb's new television
advert, themed around belonging; telling the
stories of guests connecting with their hosts.
Then he shows me something else: the
Interbrand annual league table of the world's
most successful superbrands, currently
topped by Apple, Google and Coca-Cola.
"My job is to make sure, one day, Airbnb will
make it on here. I've committed to the board
l'll get it in the top 100," he says.
In the real world, hosts don't always
connect with guests in the way Airbnb would
like, and the company has had its fair share
ofPR disasters. Some individuals renting out
their homes on the site have reported flats
being wrecked in parties- even transformed
into pop-up brothels. A year ago on New Year's
Day, Jon and Katherine Thompson received a
phone call to say the 1m apartment they ~

Puncture #3:
The hustle

Puncture #4:
Taxing times

Scammers posting fake

property listings have
used Airbnb (and other
property sites) to extort money.
Airbnb says: only hand
over money via its secure
payment system - that way,
"hosts don't receive their
payment until at least 24 hours
after a guest checks in"

Airbnb has been criticised

for allowing hosts to become
hoteliers without paying
the local hotel t ax. Last April,
it updated its terms of service,
emphasising the host's
responsibilities to comply with
local tax laws. ln some cities,
it has started collecting hotel
tax on the hosts' behalf

SEE MORE DO MORE TRAVEL MORE

www.dk.com

AIRBNB
own in Shoreditch, east London, was being
trashed by teenagers who'd been rocking a
party for the last 20 hours. The police were
called. Thousands of pounds' worth of damage
had been caused. Their tenants had been using
Airbnb to sublet the flat.
Last summer, sixth-formers caused 15,000
damage to a 2m property in Hampstead
which they'd hired for 750. Another teenage
party at an Airbnb flat in Pirnllco, west London,
descended into such chaos, a council report
stated: "There was blood on the walls, food and
rubbish crushed into the carpets, plant pots
thrown from the balcony onto the street. .."
In America, Rachel Bassini returned to her
New York penthouse to find it littered with
condoms and human faeces. And in Oakland,
California, Troy Dayton came home to find
"meth pipes everywhere". This March, the
comedian Ari Ternan discovered his Manhattan
apartment had been hired to host an orgy billed
as Turn Up Part 2: The Pantie Raid.
Complaints such as these are rare.
Nonetheless, since 2012, Airbnb has protected
hosts with insurance against 600,000-worth
of damage, for no extra fee. But parties aren't
Airbnb's only problem. Scammers posting
fake property listings have used the site to
extort money. Owners of a flat in Kensington
Gardens Square, west London, rented their
flat on Airbnb for a weekend. While they were
away, the guests advertised their home for a
six-month rental on the website SpareRoom.
co.uk, and posed as agents to scam five people
into handing over 1,000 deposit and a
month's rent. The real owners returned to find
these "tenants" knocking at their door
expecting to move in. The fraudsters deleted
the ad before it was reported, and made off
with 8,500. SpareRoom says it removed their
account so they can't advertise again.
Disha Shah, a 21-year-old student, rented
a property in Westminster she'd found on
Airbnb for a weekend in London with friends.
When she had problems contacting the owner
via Airbnb's website she began emailing her
directly. The owner emailed her a form,
complete with Airbnb's logo, asking for
payment and a copy of her passport- both of
which she sent. Later, Disha learnt the form
was a fake, the property didn't exist and she'd
been scarnmed. Airbnb warns users to be
cautious, check host's reviews and only send
money via the site's secure payment service.
Still, Disha feels they could do more "[a
warning about scams] should be the first thing

YOU MAY SAY I'M A DREAMER...

Brian Chesky says be is inspired by

the John Lennon song Imagine
people see on their website - but they don't
want to jeopardise their brand," she says.
A former employee of Airbnb's trust-andsafety department, speaking anonymously,
told me his concerns. "You can grab any
pictures from the internet - a nice five-star
villa or a beautiful castle - and declare
yourself the official owner of this listing,"
he said. "You do not need to provide any form
ofiD or proof of ownership, like a utility bill."
I asked Airbnb about this. They replied:
"One of the reasons [people] choose Airbnb is
because of the peace of mind provided by our
secure payment structure: when guests pay
through our platform, hosts don't receive their
payment until at least 24 hours after a guest
checks in. If a guest turns up at a listing and
it's not as advertised, they can contact us and
their money is still protected."
However, property ownership is not the
only trust issue. Customers can choose to
become "verified" on Airbnb by providing
photographic ID, but it's not compulsory. This
is crucial, because it means Airbnb users are
going completely on trust. The former
trust-and-safety employee also alleged that
Airbnb does "no background check. Criminals
or drug dealers could be hosts at Airbnb."
Airbnb confirmed that no background or
police checks into their users are carried out,

although they do have a team of more than

150 trust-and-safety agents who monitor
Airbnb for possible signs of fraudulent
activity, including fake IDs.
Such is the scale at which Airbnb is
operating, housing activists in San Francisco
and New York have protested against the
lucrative holiday rentals diverting muchneeded permanent-housing. One man is suing
his landlord for unjust eviction, claiming that
he was kicked out of the rent-controlled
apartment, in which he'd lived for nearly a
decade, so his landlord could list it on Airbnb.
In Berlin, concerns that peer-to-peer
rentals had caused rental rates to skyrocket
- increasing by more than 8% between
October 2012 and October 2013 -led the city
to bring in a law that restricts tourist sublets.
Experts hope it will put 12,000 flats back on
the long-term rental market.
In Britain, similar concerns have been
raised that landlords might increasingly
pursue lucrative short-term lets. During the
Commonwealth Games in Glasgow last July,
one homeowner put his three-bedroom
duplex flat up on Airbnb for 1,000 a night,
with a minimum three nights' stay.
There have been complaints in London
that properties intended as social housing
have been rented on the site. One block in
west London had 20 flats advertised on
Airbnb. Westminster City Council's report
into the case includes photographs of storage
cupboards containing clean bed sheets and
towels, and a sign on the wall reading:
"Check out time is before 12pm". The report
concluded: "The building is being operated
as one would expect a hotel to operate in all
but name." As I know from my own time
renting and Airbnb'ing in the area,
Westminster City Council is clamping down
hard on illegal short-term subletting.
It may not be able to do this for long:
the House of Lords is currently debating
the deregulation bill, which will give the
secretary of state for communities and local
government the power to introduce clear
rules that will allow Londoners to share their
homes without the need for permission whichever borough they live in. "We expect the
new rules to be in place during the second
quarter of2015," says Airbnb's Wilkins.
I put the problem ofgentrification to
Chesky. "Yeah, the price of housing is, without
a doubt in certain cities, increasing," he says.
"The question is 'why?' I think there's a ~

Something jars in Chesley's vision.

The term "sharing" has become a
misnomer for Airbnb, because weand they- aren't doing it for free

THESUNDAYnMESMAGADNE~

GREAT

RAIL

JOUR NEYS

From its ancient and classical cities to its hillside villages and dramatic coastline,
Italy offers something for all visitors. On this incredible adventure we take in iconic
sights such as Venice, the leaning Tower, Pompeii, Tuscan Siena and the beautiful
island of Sicily.

- ------ITINERARY------Days 1-3: London t o Turin and Venice. We leave St

Pancras International by Eurostar to Paris, where we
join our onward rail service to Turin. to overnight.
Enjoy a morning to explore Turin on Day 2. Later
we travel by train to Venice for two nights at the
Hotel Sant' Elena. On Day 3 we enjoy a guided tour
of Venice.
Days 4-5: Florence and Siena. We join the
train to Florence for three nights at the Hotel
Mediterraneo. This afternoon we take a guided tour
of the Renaissance city. Later we enjoy a meal of
Tuscan specialities in a local restaurant. On DayS
we visit the typically Tuscan city of Siena. We take
a guided tour before later visiting an agriturismo
in the Tuscan hills. Here we enjoy local, traditional
produce for lunch.

We take an orientation tour followed by a tasting

of Limoncello. On Day 11 we explore the Amalfi
Coast road. We call at Positano, before driving to
Amalfi. On Day 12 we travel to Pompeii, where we
take a guided tour. On Day 13 we enjoy a scenic
railway journey along Italy's west coastline. In Villa
San Giovanni the train joins a ferry to the island of
Sicily. We spend three nights at the Grand Hotel
Baia Taormina Palace & Spa.
Days 14-16: Taormina, Mount Etna and London.
Today we take a guided tour of Taormina before
time at leisure. On Day 15 we visit Mount Etna,
taking the Circumetnea train around the mountain's
base before the opportunity to ascend to the top
by cable car. On Day 16 we transfer to Catania
airport for the flight to London.

Days 6-9: Pisa, Lucca and Rome. We take the train

(Standard Class) to Pisa today, where we have a
guided tour of its sights in the Field of Miracles. In
the afternoon we visit Lucca, where you are free
to explore. On Day 7 we travel to Rome where we
spend three nights at the Hote l Massimo dl\zeglio.
This afternoon we take a guided tour passing the
Colosseum, the Trevi Fountain and the Roman
Forum. Days 8 and 9 are free to explore.

No" of nights in hotel

- By Rail
ByCoadl

iJ

Price

Departures

Sold out 8 Sep 15

2,895 29 Sep 15
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TThese departures include Tara/ Group Porrerage

free brochure 01904 730 822. Our UK tour advr>ors are here 7 days a week www.GreatRail.com/TTG
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AABTA

Fully escorted by a UK Tour Manager

First and Standard Class rail travel
(Standard Premier Class on Eurostar with
a light meal and drinks)
BA scheduled economy flight from
Catania to London Gatwick
15 nights' hotel accommodation with
breakfast each day
l lunch & 9 dinners
Guided sightseeing tour of Venice
&Rome
Excursion to Siena & Pompeii including
guided tours
Full-day excursion to Pisa & Lucca, with a
guided tour of Pisa
Orientation tour of Sorrento and
Umoncello tasting
Full-day excursion on the Amalfi Coast
Guided sightseeing tour of Taormina
Excursion to Mount Etna, including a
journey on the Circumetnea train
Departures
5May 15
19May 15
9 )un 15'

Days 10-13: The Amalfi Coast and Sicily. We travel

to Sorrento for three nights at the Hotel Vesuvio.

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Book with l00%conf!dcncc. flight-inclusive holidays arc ATOL p_rotcct~. non flight-indu~ive holidays are pro~cct.cd by_ABTA. Dates ~rKI prices a r~ subjt to
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AIRBNB
whole bunch of reasons, and I don't think that ,....---.lb.,,.......,., .....,.----,- --""-l-- -__......., he quit his job to start Airbnb, she panicked.
Her husband told Chesky "you need a job with
Airbnb is one of those reasons. We've done
health insurance!" Everyone laughs.
studies in New York and San Francisco, and
But it's an interesting point. The microseen no evidence that there's any impact
preneur concept might sound cool, yet those
whatsoever on affordable housing."
who give up jobs to work full-time as Airbnb
He is keen to promote Airbnb as a
hosts forfeit the support large companies are
grassroots movement that allows individuals
compelled to provide: health insurance in the
to make money on a small scale. He insists
US, contracts, guaranteed hours, pensions,
that Airbnb users are "not pseudo.__'--Ail""P childcare. In the UK, the British Hospitality
entrepreneurs trying to become millionaires".
Association is campaigning against the
But the evidence suggests some individuals
deregulation that would relax restrictions on
are running mini-empires on the site.
short-term lets in London, citing Airbnb's
In New York City, a report by the attorney
failure to provide training, employee benefits
general this October found that 72% of the
...if the price is right.
and health-and-safety compliance.
reservations made on Airbnb between 2010
I put this is to Chesky: does Airbnb have
What "the sharing economy"
and 2014 violated New York law, which
to provide this support for full-time
plans
prohibits home rentals of fewer than 30 days,
really means
hosts? He manages to be evasive and utopian
unless the occupant is present Hosts had made
at the same time: "My speculation is that
around $304m from these listings, and Airbnb
[AirbnbI is probably going to become an
had made $40m from them. The report
ecosystem. And in this ecosystem there will
concluded that the city was likely owed $33m
be many providers. I imagine in the future
in unpaid hotel taxes from unlawful short-term
there will be companies that give tax advice,
rentals. The report also found some hosts using Empowering individuals to trade their
legal advice; there will be companies that
assets directly - circumventing traditional
Airbnb to run multimillion-pound businesses,
provide the equivalent of retirement and
big business- has seen Airbnb embraced
which, by circumnavigating the laws, had
as part of a new, wider "sharing economy";
insurance. So, my prediction is that we might
avoided paying the city $168m in tax.
a peer-to-peer marketplace that has always
get into some things, but we're certainly not
The question of what the company itself
going to try and solve it all ourselves."
existed to some extent, but has been set free
owes in taxes, and to whom, is murky. Until
by the internet No traditional industry is
this October, Airbnb escaped the 14.7% bed
My best Airbnb experience was in Clacton.
safe because, on the internet, everything is
tax that San Francisco's hotels have to pay.
A kinda crazy Irish woman - let's call her
Siobhan- rented me her dead mum's house.
for hire. It bas been praised by the
Now the city is demanding they cough upa sum that could amount to $11m a year. Other government for bringing about a generation
We met in a pub, and she was already pissed.
of micro-entrepreneurs, but throws up
American cities are following suit.
She took me to her neighbour's house, opened
countless regulatory problems.
Airbnb has largely avoided paying much
another bottle and proceeded to tell me about
The sharing economy features websites
tax in Britain: we might be able to rent rooms
her divorce. When we finally got to the house
that allow us to share cars - via taxi
here, but our transactions - like all Airbnb
there was no heating, soap, or sheets on the
services such as Uber, or the hire-company
beds. The next morning, hungover, Siobhan
transactions outside the US - are processed
easyCar Club, where you can rent someone's
in Dublin. Tbis allows Airbnb to do the
apologised profusely and gave me breakfast
car out. We can share our bikes on sites such
"double Irish": companies based in the
It turned out her husband and my dad were
Republic pay no tax on profits made in Britain, as Spinlister, get someone else to run the
the same age, from the same background, and
errands we don't want to do on TaskRabbit,
we'd both recently lost them. We swapped
so by moving money there, then immediately
offshore a second time, they reduce their tax
rent power tools from our neighbours on
numbers and promised to stay in touch.
Sharehammer and pets on Borrowmydoggy.
Perhaps Airbnb will overcome its complex
bill. Ireland is soon to close this loophole, but
It started as old-fasbioned swapping,
I asked a host at the San Francisco event what
problems. It may yet reconcile its hippie
he thought of these tax arrangements. "Oh,
but the difference now is scale- and the
ideals with becoming a big business, and
fact that it is increasingly being monetised.
I don't think they're earning enough money
give the hosts who dedicate their lives to its
to pay tax yet," he chuckled.
This economy is estimated to be worth 9bn
ethos fair employee benefits. That, too, may
to the UK over the next decade- but old
"Have you seen their offices?" I replied.
prove problematic. Because if the sharing
regulatory frameworks need to be updated
The Airbnb Open feels a little like any
economy becomes fully professionalised,
corporate conference. There are logo T-shirts,
to allow for tbis. Rules need to be in place to
some of the magic and humanity on which
stands selling stuff, seminars, rousing speeches protect consumers from harm, but on the
it was built will be lost
and lunch breaks where we're encouraged to
other hand you don't need a sledgehammer
Micasaessucasa
mingle. Except, we're not working for Airbnb.
to crack a nut. The deregulation bill,
How to stay safe while hosting strangers
There is a moment in Chesky's speech where
currently being debated in the House of
On
tablet, or at
Lords, hopes to square this circle
he calls his mum up on stage. She looks like
thesundaytlmes.co.uk/alrbnb
she might cry with pride. He jokes that, when

What's

m1ne1s

yours

,.

I asked a host what he thought of

Airbnb's tax arrangements. "Oh, I don't
think they're earning enough money
to pay tax yet," he chuckled.
"Have you seen their offices?" I replied

E
"'

THE SUNDAY nMES MAGAZINE 23

STANLEY TUCCI
have watched Stanley Tucci stroll across
cinema for years, with the smile of a man
who knows it might be over at any
moment: as Meryl Streep's tender husband
in Julie and Julia, and as her slave in
The Devil Wears Prada, where he managed the
extraordinary feat of making a fashion person
seem human. There are serious films
(he directed Joe Gould's Secret, about the
relationship between a writer and a fantasist)
and schlock too, the kind that needs
subheadings so you know which slice of the
franchise is banging you on the head: Captain
America: The First Avenger. Transformers:
Age of Extinction. multiple portions of
The Hunger Games, in which he plays the
game-show host Caesar Flickerman,
who is essentially Davina McCall (of the
original Big Brother) transported to a tyranny,
chewing up the screen; something called
Space Chimps, and also. marvellously,
Muppets Most Wanted.
When he told Anne Hathaway, who had
finally shrunk to a size 6 in The Devil Wears
Prada, '"My work here is done," I didn't even
want to punch him in the face. Because he has
a wonderful face; or rather expression,
pinched with amusement and humanity and
a tinge of regret. He's the kind of man you
want to like, and who you want to like you
-from the auditorium anyway.
And here he is in the restaurant of the
Soho Hotel, a kind of donkey sanctuary for
actors in central London made of chintz. He
sits jn the comer jn a fine grey..jacket tanned
and dark and immensely clean, wondering
what, if anything, to eat.
"Maybe I should get a. do I really want
something? I ate early this morning. I don't
need to eat eggs again, tempting though. Do
you want a bloody mary? Make mine a virgin
mary. I can't, I can't [have a bloody mary].
VJigin, virgin, virgin." (Said with increasing
emphasis.) "You know"- he looks sadly at
me- "it's no good."
Eventually he orders avocado and smoked
salmon on gluten-free bread. Will I have
something? Yes, I will- maybe a smoked
salmon and cream cheese bagel?
"Do itl" he says. "Do itt"
Then he tells me where to get the best
pastrami in New York City (from the Carnegie
Deli on 55th Street). "Stupidly huge
sandwiches," he says happily. "Nobody can
eat them. So good. so good."
He is very slightly late, because he was
hugging the actor Ethan Hawke by the lifts.
He also wanted to take off his make-upfrom the photoshoots. Is this because he is
sane and he knows how bonkers press junkets
-a drama within a drama- really are, and
he, at 54, has too much self-respect to appear
in mascara for no good reason? After an hour
in his company, most of which we spend
chewing, I think it is.
We meet because he will star in a Sky
Atlantic thriller called Fortitude. It's crack for
those who miss The Killing; it even stars Sofie
Grabol, who solved all the killings in her

28 THE SUNDAY TillES MAGAZINE

"I was ready to leave

NewYorkaftermywife
died. It was hard. I was
there a lot by myself.
It wasn't ultimately
a healthy place"

So it wasn't a difficult decision to leave

New York?
"No," he says. "I was ready to go. After my
wife died, it was hard. I was in Westchester
a lot by myself." It is a suburb to the north of
Manhattan, where he grew up and lived
"for a long time" with Kate. "The kids were at
school. It wasn't ultimately a healthy place."
e met Felicity at Emily's wedding in
2010, in Italy. "I was coming here to
do Captain America. It was my first
job away since my wife died. We
started going to dinner. We had talked about
food a lot at the wedding. She loves food. And
that was it. We started dating, cooking a lot,
going to restaurants, it was really fun. She's
very funny, very smart."
Tucci, who has written cookbooks, told
one journalist that he once found Felicity, the
morning after, ripping apart the previous
evening's suckling pig. So he moved to
London to be with her.
Was it difficult falling in love again?
"Yes, sure, because a big part of you feels
guilty. And that goes away. but not completely
-ever." The "ever" is emphatic. "But also you
have to move forward, you have to move on,
particularly when you are raising children,
you have to move forward in a positive way.
That's an important lesson. Because we can
dwell on the loss. though that doesn't do
anyone any good. But that doesn't mean you
don't acknowledge the loss of that person

pathologically depressed Christmas jumper.

It is set in a town called Fortitude in the Arctic
Circle, which is full of slags, adulterers, slowly
defrosting mammoths, Christopher Eccleston
and drunks. the most crazed of whom is
Michael Gambon. The first scene in Fortitude
is Gambon's; he walks by the ocean, which is
tossing great lumps of ice around; then he
sees a polar bear eating something- what
is it? Is it the producer? And the camera
falls into his eyes. Obviously there is
a murder in Fortitude. And Stanley Tucci,
in cap and cashmere coat, is flown in as a
preposterously well-dressed representative of
the Metropolitan Police. The result is riveting,
if faintly ludicrous. It's the way he purrs,
rm with the London Met,"like
a sophisticated Kermit the Frog.
When he has ordered, he asks me, straight
out, with a flick of his palms: "What do you
want to know?"
Everything, I think, hntJ.sec:~ttwl~e.u.fou.r.uthw:e::-----'ec.~v~e:.t.:ryiWdway::&J-Jiu..t's.:M..&tb.u:e""'reo::.JiwDSJ~LUd~e-yoUI'""'raiUfl"-'twh.c.e.utim~U.u:e;._-_-_ __
dumb answer (a fan's answer. for I have
Dwelling on it is pointless. It's always there.
sucked down every blockbuster he has made
You have to keep moving forward and honour
and will make). Are you like the Stanley Tucci
them in anyway you can without becoming
in the movies?
maudlin. Do you know what I mean?"
;
:c
"I hope notl" he says instantly; and
No, I say.
~
I remember he played the child murderer in
"I wouldn't recommend it," he says, quietly.
The Lovely Bones. Bah. What was I expecting?
Felicity is having a baby; it is due at the
~
A full deconstruction?
end of January and. if it hurries. it may be
8
here as you read. "It's an exciting thing, a
<
Q
baby," he says. He lingers on '"baby", makes
~
e is a Londoner now. He moved here
~
last year, after he married the literary it sound comic. He has a way of making life
agent Felicity Blunt- who is usually, seem fun, which makes him very likeable~
he is compelling- but also makes me wonder
~
and rudely, descnoed as "Emily
~
~
Blunt's sister"- in 2012. (Emily Blunt was his what he is like when he is angry. (His
character defects, which I demand he list.
~
co-star in The Devil Wears Prada. She played
include "sometimes quick to anger" and
~
the bitch, and stole the film). Felicity Blunt
"self-absorbed" and "judgmental"). "I like
~
works for Curtis Brown, one of London's
leading literary agencies; she specialises in
babies. They smell good. The lack of sleep is
<~
0~
on its way, but I've done it before. I have never
fiction and historical fiction. Like her sister,
really anticipated doing it again. but then
13
she is flintily beautiful. She is his second wife.
I met Felicity and. .. that's that. It's good."
~
His first wife, Kate, a social worker and the
How are you going to divide the childcare,
~
mother of his three teenage children, died of
I ask owlishly.
~
breast cancer in 2009.
"You just do it. Whoever is awake.
~
He "loves everything" about London.
Whoever is the highest functioning person at
:;
even- no, especially- the Thames Barrier:
that point will be with the child. We'll have
~
"It's just incredible to have the foresight to
three teenagers and a baby. That will be
~
build something like that." He names the
relaxing." He giggles.
g
theatres, the museums, the parks and,
His children like London because they
inevitably. the restaurants, where he
can "do things they were never able to do in
~
sometimes "insinuates himself into the
America"; that is, they can walk the streets.
i'Q
kitchen. So many great eateries, farmers'
"They go to an American school. meet people
E
markets ... and the subways work!" he
from all over the world. which isn't something
~
exclaims. "The cab drivers know exactly
that was happening in Westchester County."~ ""
where they're going. It's amazing."

STANLEY TUCCI
He has always, he says, "felt safer on stage",
but when I ask why he became an actor, he
says: "I dunno. I dunnol" He knows his
profession is odd, both in what it asks from
the actor (pretending to talk to robots and
wigs?) and in the world's response, which is to
contemplate actors as if they were creatures
in zoos. He quotes the playwright Tom
Stoppard: "He said actors are the opposite of
people." So he wanted to be the opposite of
a person - or maybe an urban planner, or a
visual artist. (His father was an art teacher.)
He is obviously popular in Hollywood,
probably, again, because he is sane; he once
bumped into Meryl Streep at a Christmas
party, and she said: "Do you want to play my
husband in a film about Julia Child?"
he food arrives. Only half the smoked
salmon (his portion) arrives. "They
didn't bring you smoked salmon?"
he cries. "That's terrible!" He seems
sympathetic, so I grab some of his and
meaninglessly apologise. "Don't be silly,"
he says. "I don't blame you."
I decide he is delightful. Was there a point
when you knew you would be successful?
"I didn't know that," he says, slowly
and clearly, "and you never know that."
Does the insecurity really never leave you?
"How can it in this business? It's an incredibly
fickle world; you can be out of work. Suddenly
people just get tired of you, and that's it."
But not yet. He has had a diverse career,
from art film to blockbuster. He is woefully
underused in The Hunger Games, which he is
most famous for, and about which he said, "the
teeth get me into character". Caesar Flickerman
has immense teeth, fake tan, coloured eyebrows
and a ponytail. He is most likely a sociopath,
blithely interviewing the contestants of The
Hunger Games before they go to their deaths
in the arena, as if he was curating a murderous
cocktail party; he reduces impending death to
something vapid by laughing maniacally in
a suit covered with lightbulbs.
Does he do blockbusters for fun or money?
"Both," he says. "That's the fun of it. They
can be so much fun and you have to make
money. So you do it."
He doesn't have a favourite co-star, and he
can't remember any funny stories. I would
guess it is not where his heart isblockbusters lack heart- but he likes to be
in work and the money must be great. Not
that I ask him about the money; he has the
kind of courtesy that does not invite personal
questions. When I ask questions about
blockbusters- for instance, why didn't you
actually act with a robot (Transformers: Age
of Extinction), he stares at me and says:
"It doesn't matter. It could be a guy holding
a tennis ball, which it is."
He looks at me more carefully. "It's just
pretend."
When was the last time you were out
of work?
''I'm out of work right now," he says.
But you're in a big new series.

HAIL
CAESAR
The ever-evolving style
ofStanley Tucci in
The Hunger Games

28 THE SUNDAY TlMES MAGAZINE

MCofThe
caesar FUckman.
HungerGanu!s, dabbles with

a garish sluuleofUp, eyebrow

andhaircolourforeachjilm.
In tirefirst, Ire plumpsfor blue

In the second Instalment,

he dazzles in a crimson
hue- astylethatdrew
praisefromKatniss, the
feisty protagonistplayed
by Jennifer Lawre11ce

Caesarslrowcases a darl11g
lave11der tinge 011llis lips,
brow a11d lralr ill tire tltird
lnstalmeltt. Wlticlr colounvlll
he choosefor theji~talfilm?

"Yeah, but that was a year ago" -he

corrects himself- "that was seven months
ago. That's over!"
On the page this looks hysterical, but it
isn't. He is calm. He is explaining.
"You can make three movies in a year, and
people go, ' You're in every movie,' and you go,
'Well, no, I actually worked for a total of six
weeks last year,' and- well, not really- but
you know what I mean. You can go into a
movie, work two days and do five scenes and
the movie takes two years to come out. So the
perception is odd from the audience's point of
view. But, you know, I'll do something."
omething includes a film he has
written about the Swiss sculptor
Alberto Giacometti- who will be
played by Geoffrey Rush- and a
six-part TV drama based on City of Women,
a book detailing the lives of women in Berlin
during the Second World War. The Giacometti
film is based on the book A Giacometti Portrait
by James Lord, "an account of a relationship
between artist and subject... a beautifully
written book about the creative act."
He bought the rights a long time ago and
wrote it a long time ago. He acknowledges that
Hollywood only does very big and very small
movies these days; the medium-sized film is
dead. But he thinks he will "finally get it made".
This is as far as he will go in telling me
how painful show business can be. He thinks
the hacking and circulation of Sony
executives' emails was "a terrible invasion of
privacy", even if they were quite revealing
about Angelina Jolie. He looks amazed- and
even sorrowful- when I ask if the film
business is more spiteful than, say, journalism
or politics. He says not. When I ask if
Hollywood is sexist, he says: "Everywhere is
sexist." So I never get to ask: why are female
stars paid less than the men? (Jennifer
Lawrence, again, was the most recent
example, in American Hustle). But he will not
live in LA. "I like the change of seasons, I like
old architecture. If I never go to LA again,
ever," he says, lethally, "it would be too soon."
He wouldn't work all the time, even if
he could. "I like spending time with my family.
And I don't think it's healthy. You have those
years when you go one to another to another
to another and it's exhilarating; but then you
burn out. And then you have to stop. You just
want to be at home and cook. You don't want
to get up at Sam. You don't want to live in
a trailer. It can all be exciting and wonderful,
but you just want to be... in reality."
I think you are good at reality, I tell him.
"Sometimes," he says. And I thi.n k he
goes away, somewhere else, in his head "sometimes"
Fortitude starts on January 29 at 9pm on
Sky Atlantic

Cold comfort
Watch the trailer for Stanley Tucci's
Arctic thriller, Fortitude, at

thesundaytlmes.co.uk/stanleytuccl

..

An abandoned onion factory in the Bekaa Valley is now home to Syrian refugees. Fuel to warm the makeshift huts is prohibitively expensive

"Lebanon has the highest proportion of refugees in

any country on the globe. In Britain, it would be like
the entire population of Norway, Nicaragua, Denmark
and Croatia turning up penniless on the south coast:'
By AA Gill. Photographs by Rena Effendi
30THESUNDAYnMESMAOAZJNE

DIVIDED LEBANON

There are l.Sm refugees, mostly women and children. New regulations require Syrians travelling to Lebanon to have a sponsor or a visa
his is not much of a town. A hushed higgle
of neat streets and dusty whitewashed
shuttered windows, gardens and bright winter
flowers. A mosque, a church, a little cafe, a
sleeping cat, an old woman shaded at an
upstairs window. A rural town that's too quiet,
with bated breath. A high-noon Ambridge.
There's a vegetable market at the weekend.
We're surrounded by vineyards and claggy
fields of rich brown tilth that stretch away to
a ridge of hills that simmer in the milky
sunlight. On the further side is the Syrian
border. The mayor of Al-Marj, Nazem Saleh,

sits behind his heavy ornate desk, a

sarcophagus of civic good intentions. There is
a flatscreen TV that plays silent news and
another that shows silent football, there are
basketball trophies on the shelf and a sidekick
on a low chair. All Middle Eastern mayors
come with a straight man. Saleh laughs as he
waits for us to be served coffee: Nescafe and
then thick Arabic in little cups. He laughs,
not because anything is funny, but to put us
at our ease. Nothing here is funny.
"We need help urgently." He runs his
fingers through his purple-black hair and

strokes his moustache. "We need money and

resources from government, from outside,
from charities. The situation is critical."
Al-Marj has a particular and pressing
problem that is repeated up and down the
border. It is the reductio ad absurdum of the
nightmare of countries, villages, streets,
suburbs, slums, crescents and cui-de-sacs
all over the world, that the indigenous
population will be outnumbered by the other
- incomers, refugees.
The inhabitants are now a minority in
their own home. It is the ancient and ~

THESUNDAYTIMESMAOAZINE31

contemporary terror that is always evoked by

fist-waving politicians. "We can't cope," he says
and rugs a cuff. "It's not safe. I want a curfew.
We need police, soldiers." "Have there been
incidents?" I ask. He shrugs and waves a hand,
indicating not yet. "But there are our women,"
he says obliquely. "And they break into the
water pipes and they become polluted. There is
no sewerage system. They steal electricity from
the pylons. There is a great danger of disease
and wages are falling. Refugees will work for
very little. There is no work for local men."
He talks of what the town once was. What

32THESUNDAYTIMESMAGAZINE

does he think will happen to it now? Again,

the laugh. "That is politics beyond my
responsibility," he says. He has opinions, of
course, but they're personal. OK, what sort of
town does he think his son and daughter will
inherit? The smile fades, his baggy eyes grow
tense and hard and angry. "They are already
planning on leaving," he says.
Lebanon has an indigenous population
of about 4m. There are now l.Sm Syrian
refugees, add that to 500,000 Palestinians
that have been here for a generation and a
sizeable population of Iraqis and Sudanese.

This gives it the highest proportion of

refugees in any country on the globe. If it
happened here, it would be the equivalent of
the entire population of Norway, Nicaragua,
Denmark and Croatia turning up penniless
on the south coast, mostly made up of
women and children.
If refugees were valuable, Lebanon
would be the richest nation in the world. But
they're not. The largest industry was once
tourism. They've swapped holidays for
disaster relief, and the World Food
Programme, which is feeding most of these

Syrian children in the camps face a hungry winter after a funding crisis forced the UN's World Food Programme to suspend food vouchers
incomers, has announced it is going to have
to cut rations because the First World has
reneged on its promises to support although the UK has actually stumped up
most of the help it pledged.
Winte.r is coming and this little nation is
floundering and sinking into something dire,
and here's the punchline: Lebanon has no
government. There is no one on the bridge.
Its reaction to the crisis has been to agree to
disagree. There is no president. The nation
bobs in the swell of the most turbulent
politics in the world, surrounded by enemies,

anarchy and draconian fundamentalism, not

just without a Plan B, but with no Plan A to
begin with. But maybe a non-administration
is preferable to any of the practical
alternatives in a region where a century of
hardline conviction and absolute certainty
has spread the misery thick as hummus.
n the edge of a fallow field, a child reclines
on a pile of rubbish. His mother, aunts and
sisters are sifting through the stinking garbage.
They pull apart remnants of cotton and spools
of lace trim. It might, for a moment, be a mad

bridal fitting, but they're looking for things to

bum. There are no trees. Tiny bundles of
kindling are prohibitively expensive. They
need to heat their plastic-sheeting huts and
cook their potatoes. A woman sits in the thick
mud of a ruined onion factory and makes flat
bread on a tiny rubble oven. The gagging
aroma of burning plastic masks the
comforting smell of baking.
Syrians have always come to these fields.
They arrived as agricultural workers and built
seasonal huts to pick grapes. The civil war has
sent them back with their families, their ~

THESUNDAYnMESMAGAZJNE33

DMDED LEBANON

A city of contrasts and sel.fies, Beirut is once more a UberaJ city where women can wear miniskirts next to their sisters in burqas
neighbours, their communities, whole towns.
The shanties have taken over the fields. They
pay a little rent to the farmers, who now make
more money from growing humans than they
did from the onions. The makeshift camps are
squalid affairs, built from borrowed, begged
and found materials. Sheets of corrugated iron
and plastic, billboards held down with old
tyres. Here is one made from a Bentley
advertisement, another from a poster for
dream flats. Here is the mascaraed and blonde
provocatively vacuous face of a Lebanese soap
star sheltering a family from Horns.

34THESUNDAYnMESMAOAZINE

The tiny alleys between the shelters are

slimy quagmires of muddy sewerage.
Children's feet are boluses of sticky mire.
Their faces rimed with snot and filth. A little
girl sits on a chair of detritus watching an
empty TV without a screen, describing
imaginary programmes to her muck-dressed
doll. Her fantasy game is to imagine peace,
home and normality.
These camps are unofficial and vulnerable,
monitored and rudlmentarily tended by NGOs
and the UNHCR. Lebanon won't allow official
camps, wary of what has happened in Jordan,

where the huge Zaatarl camp has become an

unpoliced city of gangs, anger, despair,
violence and insurgency, and its own
experience with the Palestinian camps, which
precipitated its civil war in the 1970s. Large
concentrations of refugees have political
momentum, power and gravity. These small,
insecure pockets salted into the population
keep their heads down to avoid problems.
ebanon has had a left hand, right hand
attitude to the refugees: officially they
L
have been strident and tough, offering little

Nasreen in the 30 sq ft garage in Said a where she Uves with her six children. The two boys sell biscuits on the street to pay the rent
help or consolation, but the Lebanese
individually have been astonishingly
generous and welcoming. A million and a half
displaced souls have been given shelter and
charity. There has been little open hostility to
them. Almost everyone I ask says locals have
been personally kind.
Nasreen is 35. Her husband, a carpenter, is
still in Syria. She found a small shop front in
Saida. The war has been bad for business, so,
like the farmers, landlords now stock people
instead of frocks and tourist tat. In one small
room, she lives with a pile of mattresses, her

three daughters - 15, 13 and 8 - and a

one-year-old baby. Nasreen was gassed
while pregnant, her health is bad, she worries
about the effect on her sleeping child. She
also has two boys, 10 and 9. She is given food
vouchers every month; she spends it all on
biscuits and the boys sell the biscuits on the
road. She has to make 80 a month in rent.
She's quiet, close to tears. The girls sit as
silent owls in their tight hijabs, close like
buffers against a wind of sorrow. She worries
about the boys. People shout at them for
begging and the roads are dangerous. Just

imagine being a nine-year-old lad and

knowing that every morning you're
responsible for the lives of a family of seven.
The milk of human kindness is growing
sour in the Lebanon, though. Tired out by the
huge weight of the refugees who have been
here more than two years, and the way back
looks even further than it did at the start. The
horror of the war is leeching across the border
with them. Isis and the al-Nusra Front have
kidnapped Lebanese soldiers and are
executing them. In the cafes there are
comically grim comparisons between ~

THE SUNDAY TIMES MAGAZINE 35

DIVIDED LEBANON

WAR AND
PEACE IN
LEBANON

9
Lebanon gains
independence
from France

al-Nusra, who shoot their victims in the

back of the head and tweet the death
notices, and Isis, who saw heads off with
Bear Grylls knives and plaster the verities
on YouTube. There is a palpable hardening
of sympathies. The Lebanese were furious
at how many Syrians went home to vote in
the fixed, face-saving election of President
Assad. It seems an affront to their
hospitality. And there's Hezbollah, crossing
the border to fight on behalf of the Syrian
government, which has plainly helped to
tum the tide and elongate this war.
Lebanon's relationship with Syria was ever
domestic and abusive.
I ask refugees in huts, in fields, in alleys,
in queues, squatting in underground car
parks where it is more profitable to rent space
to them than to cars, where they thought they
would be in 10 years' time. No one, not one,
had a hopeful answer. Mostly they shook their
heads and shrugged and stared at their hands,
and offered a doubtinginshai<\llah that they'd
be home. Very few wanted to stay here. Even
fewer wanted to move to the West, and only
then to glean an education for their children.
"I would give everything to lie on the dirt my
home and my business stood on," says one
man, close to tears.
riving back from the Bekaa Valley, past
the mountain villages, under the Shi'ite
martyrs' flags, past the wayside Madonnas
and the snow-dusted mountains, Beirut
appears as if a magician's trick. Seen through
the trees, surrounded by the mountains- tada! It is a great shining city, wearing the veil of
the pale Mediterranean, a miraculous place. In
this region, there is no other like it. Beirut
twinned with nowhere, a paragon, an
impossibility, a civic tautology. Homogeneous,
sophisticated, amused, garrulous,
epicurean, safe. Surrounded by an angry,
hunched and increasingly fractious state.

Hezbollah kills 241

US marines and 56
French soldiers in
suicide bombings

36 THE SUNDAY TIMES MAGAZINE

~
The state of Israel
is declared.
Palestinian refugees
flood to Lebanon

Within an hour of sitting in onion fields

with the despairing Bedouin who have been
given the worst choice of the 21st century,
between, on one hand, Assad and, on the
other, Isis, I found myself in a soigne street
party of boutiques where everything cost
1,000 and came with a knowing chic irony.
Where a band played and there was
champagne and delicious things on sticks and
folk wandered past and chatted and air-kissed
and were as glamorous and interesting and
studiedly starry and beautiful and sexy as any
media, fashion, moneyed or international
gaggle you'd find anywhere in the cordoned,
red-carpeted rest of the First World, except
that these were better looking. Beirut is a very
handsome city: wide knowing dark eyes,
invitingly arched eyebrows and a discreet
addict's taste for plastic surgery. I'd see coveys
of expensively animated nubile women with
hot, hot Semitic faces all looking down
identical retrousse little oriental noses. "Look
at her," my Shi'ite Hezbollah-supporting
driver said at a blonde with cleavage popping
in a tiny bum-clutching dress and vertiginous
nude heels as she sashayed past. "Can you tell
if she's Christian or Muslim?"
This is a city where everyone can tell and
no one says. This is a city that was riven by
religious divide in a vicious civil war where the
Palestinian refugees were massacred by the
Christian Phalange and the Israelis, a war that
cost this tiny country 150,000 lives, where the
buildings are still shrapnel-dashed and
everyone remembers a dead relative, a lost
horne. But it has managed to take a civilised
breath and revert to being a liberal, sybaritic,
separate but encompassing city, where mixed
marriages are boringly regular and women can
wear miniskirts next to their sisters in burqas.
"It has managed it by doing the opposite
of the South Africans," says a BBC reporter.
Instead of a truth and reconciliation
commission, where they talked about

The British journalist

John McCarthy is
kidnapped and spends
five years as a hostage,
along with Brian
Keenan and Terry
Waite. He is released
in 1991, left

East, thanks to its

fine architecture,
world-class cuisine
and liberated women

everything as therapy, here the Lebanese

never talk about history. Like a fractious
family, they maintain a fragile peace by
pretending there's nothing the matter and
never mentioning the war. It's really very
English of them. "What is the prognosis for
Lebanon?" I ask an American analyst of
Lebanese extraction. "Well," he says
guardedly, "it's not looking good."
The politics works on the principle of a
three-legged stool: it doesn't matter how
uneven the ground is, the stool doesn't rock.
There are 17 recognised confessions here,
but three main religions. There are about a
million Christians, a million Sunni and a
million and a bit Shi'ite. The president is
always a Maronite Christian, the prime
minister always a Sunni and the speaker
always a Shi'ite. There is also the Druze, a
Muslim sect who believe in reincarnation.
Their population is growing, which is difficult
to explain theocratically. Their leader is the
ever-amusing Walid Jumblatt, who sounds
like a character from the Cartoon Network.
The Christians lost a lot of their power
after the civil war and no one really knows
what their strength is because the last census
was taken in 1932. The likelihood is the Shi'ite
are the majority, but the influx of Palestinians,
and now Syrians, increases the number of
Sunnis in the country. The Sunnis are
supported financially and politically by Saudi
Arabia and the Gulf, the Shi'ites by Iran, and
they support the Assad government because
he is a member of the Alawites, a Shi'ite sect.
The Christians have traditional links with
Israel a nd Europe and the wider world. There
is a Salafist movement that is extreme Sunni
with a bad look of short trousers and beards
without moustaches. Hipsters with attitude.
At the moment, no one can agree on a
president and their differences are becoming
stronger than the imperative of getting along.
The country is staggering under the

assassination of the
former PM Rafic Hariri,
people power comes to
Lebanon with the
Cedar Revolution. Syria
withdraws its troops

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DIVIDED LEBANON

Christian and
Palestinian militia,
beginning a lengthy
civil war. Syrian
troops enter Lebanon
a year later

economic, social and theocratic weight of the

refugees and the neighbours from hell. So
what's the prognosis in 10 years, I ask the
analyst. "If you force me, I'd have to say it
looks unlikely that there will be a recognisable
Lebanon in 10 years."
"Where is Israel in all of this?" I ask the
resident Middle Eastern correspondent for an
American newspaper. "Well, interestingly,
Israel is almost irrelevant at the moment,"
she says. "Driving the Israeli occupation
out of Lebanon was seen as being down to
Hezbollah. They are the only regional force
that ever beat the Israelis and they gained
a lot of military bravado from that. They have
a reputation for supplying grassroots
community support: food, medical attention,
setting up schools."
All the religious factions do this. Lebanon
has virtually no civic infrastructure, it's all
run piecemeal, by interested groups. "But did
you know that when the LGBT community
held its first ever press conference and rally in
Beirut, Hezbollah supported the brothers and
sisters. That wouldn't have happened
anywhere else in the Middle East."
So where does she think Lebanon will be in
10 years? "Oh, I don't think there will be a
Lebanon in 10 years, not as we know it."
In the cafes, couples smooch on dates,
girls sit on their own, writing novels on
computers, gangs of men watch football and
talk about politics. Everyone still talks
about politics, but only in the present tense.
It's a perennial obsession. Listening to
Lebanese politics is like being pitched
contemporary adaptations of Shakespeare:
all the tragedies, histories and comedies are
mirrored in contemporary Lebanese life.
There are Caesars and Henrys, Shylocks
and Romeos and Juliets, there are Lears
and any number of Hamlets. It's as if 400
years of European history was edited into
a single lifetime in Lebanon.

he pivotal event here, which they return

to again and again, is the assassination
ofRafic Hariri on Valentine's Day, 2005. A
huge bomb in the middle of Beirut blew up
the former prime minister and 22 others.
Hariri had been the richest man in
Lebanon, a property developer supported by
Saudi Arabia and an opponent of Syrian
interests in the country. A deified hero of
Sunnis, his reputation and his family still
guide his Future Movement party. No one
has ever claimed responsibility or been
charged with his murder, but there is a
general belief it was perpetrated by
Hezbollah on behalf of President Assad,
although my Hezbollah driver gives me a
detailed and Lebanese version of how
Mossad was definitely responsible, using
drones. If it was an Assad plot, then it
backfired. There was an enormous popular
demonstration against Syria, the Cedar
Revolution, and its troops were forced to
withdraw back over the border.
In the centre of Beirut is the cafe where
Hariri had his last cup of coffee. It keeps his
table and chair as a shrine. This area, with its
Rolex clock tower and its new parliament, is
despised and avoided by the locals because it
was built with Gulf money and no taste. "Look
at this city, look at it." A Lebanese journalist
waves his hand. "What keeps it going? What
keeps the boutiques, the restaurants, the
beautiful apartments? What do you think
keeps all of this aloft? Lebanon makes
nothing. Do you drive a Lebanese car? Have
you a Lebanese computer? No. Is there oil?
No. Or gas? No. There is barely any water.
What keeps this city bright and bustling? Our
biggest business was tourism, but that's gone.
It is the diaspora. There are lOrn Lebanese
abroad. We are the Phoenicians. We have
always travelled and done business. West
Africa, Latin America, Asia, Australia, you
find Lebanese businessmen everywhere.

Operation Pillar of
Defense after
Hezbollah captures two
of Its soldiers, bringing
devastation to Beirut
neighbourhoods, left

Israel invades.
Christian Phalanglst
militia kill thousands
of Palestinians in
the Sabra and
Shatila camps

We are very good at it. They send money

home. It is an irony that we are a nation of
rich refugees. But that's not it.
"Have you heard of Lebanese banks? No?
That's because no one wants you to know
about Lebanese banks. They are the most
discreet and trustworthy in this part of the
world. All the Saudi money, the backhanders,
the backsheesh, the gifts, the skimming,
comes here. It is laid to rest in Lebanese
banks, no questions asked. All the graft and
the untraceable greasing of palms from the
Gulf ends up here, all the opium money from
Afghanistan comes here. The business of
Beirut is a giant money laundry. We take in
dirty laundry and hand you back clean
sheets. That is why property prices are as
high as New York."
Another journalist, a television pundit
and longtime observer and conspiracy
theorist, joins in. "You want to know what
will happen to Lebanon? You and the West
are so self-obsessed. Americans always think
it is all about them, for them or against them.
The big regional conflict here is between
Saudi Arabia and Iran. In Saudi Arabia with
the Wahhabis, the king is ancient and the
crown prince decrepit. The old ruling class
is ossified, a crust on a putrid stew of
discontent. And then Iran: Shi'ite, expanding,
energised, conservative and cosmopolitan,
wanting to take its place to exert its power.
"That is the struggle: Saudi and Iran, Sunni
and Shia. And in the end, you want the real
conspiracy theory? Let me tell you. America
wilJ support Iran, tacitly. The region will fall
and collapse. The old colonial Sykes-Picot
lines drawn in the hot sand by cold men will
be blown away. We will revert to bastions of
mutual interest and belief: a Kurdish state,
a Shia Iraq will be a client of Iran. Sunni Iraq
and much of Syria will be a fundamentalist
caliphate. Assad will have a garrison and
inner truncated country that relies on ~

in a new year that

promises difficulties

THE SUNDAY TIMES MAGAZINE 37

DIVIDED LEBANON

"What keeps Beirut going? What keeps the boutiques, the restaurants, the beautiful apartments? What do you think keeps all ofthis aloft?"
Russia and Hezbollah. And Lebanon, poor
Lebanon, will disperse into its constituent
parts. In 10 years there will be no Lebanon."
"But what about this city?" I ask. "This
Beirut?N He shrugs. "Maybe Beirut will
find a way to float, like Monaco or
Constantinople, held aloft by magic and
money." The table falls silent and another
voice says, angrily: "You, from the west of
the Mediterranean. You see refugees as the
problem. They aren't. They are a symptom.
You see them in our fields as weeds, invasive
species, but you never ask, what is a weed, but

31THESUNDAYTIMES MAGAZINE

a flower in the wrong garden? That is the real

problem with Lebanon, and the whole Middle
East, we are all flowers in the wrong garden.
You English should understand this; this is
the garden you planted."
And I realise that round this table there is
me, a Brit, Rena the photographer, who is
Azeri, my travelling companion from the
UNHCR, who's a Croat, a visiting aid worker,
who's an Afghan, a Shi'ite Lebanese, a
Christian Lebanese, a Sunni Lebanese and an
American, and we're all perfectly at home in
this place, with each other. "What would you

have said," I ask of the journalist, "if I had

asked you the question 10 years ago: 'What
will happen to Lebanon?'" "Ahl" he laughs and
throws his hands in the air. "The same thing,
of course. Lebanon can't possibly survive."
UNHCR is urgently callingforfunds for
Syrian families forced to flee their homes:
donate.unhcr.org/syria

"Thetentisfallingapart"
How Syrian refugees in Lebanon are
bracing for the long, cold months ahead,
at thesundaytimes.co.uk/lebanon

EVERYTHING*

........................................ .
1ST DECEMBER- 31ST JANUARY
Excludes Classic and Discontinued lines.
Cannot be used in conjunction with any other offer.

Order online at rnandarinstone.corn

Or viSit one of our inspirational showrooms:

Bath Bristol Cambridge Cardiff Cheltenham Exeter

Marlow Monmouth Weybridge Wilmslow

SPECTRUM

Teeny Gonzales
Every week, aspiring racers -some as
young as 11 - gather at Wimbledon dog
track to burn rubber in old bangers. The
photographer Sophie Green goes trackside

SPECTRUM
For 15-year-old Tommy, stock-car and hanger
racing are a way of life: "You forget about
everything else when you race. I crashed and
really hurt myself in one race, but I had such
a big adrenaline rush I didn't notice until the
end." He and other racers -some as young
as 11- gather each week at Wimbledon
Stadium in south London to speed around
the 350-metre tarmac track.
Entrants spend hours stripping down and
modifying ageing motors before thrashing

them around the course in a scramble to

cross the line first- preferably fully intact.
While less than 100 will be awarded to
the winner, and collisions and injuries are
common, the sense of community and the
thrill of competition keep racers like Tommy
coming back for more.
"You see young kids on the street causing
trouble," he says. "I spend my time on the
cars. It makes you feel good about yourself
when you win. You get such a buzz."

SPECTRUM

ABOVE A nail-biting moment for a young spectator

RIGHT Better known for dog racing, Wimbledon Stadium

has also hosted stock-car racing since 1962, but it has fallen
into a state of disrepair. Plans by the owners, AFC Wimbledon,
to redevelop the site for a new football stadium and 602 Oats
are being fiercely contested by many locals

42 THE SUNDAY nMES MAGA21NE

SPECTRUM
LEFT

Competitors line up outside

the stadium to make their way
onto the track
BELOW

A girlfriend looks on anxiously

from the stadium's cafeteria
TOP RIGHT

A toddler wriggles to
theedgeofbisseatas
a race begins
BOTTOM RIGHT

A handful of spectators await a

race. These events used to draw
crowds of thousands
Images from Sophie Green's
project, Bangers and Smash, are
available as limited ed ition prints.
Visit soplliegreenpllocography.com

Words by Emma Broomfield

THE DISH

THE DISH

THE DISH
JAMIE OUVER,S
SPICY SUNDAY
Delicious mackerel with a sweet and
spicy sauce. How can you resist?
JAMIE OLIVER

Crispy-skinned
mackerel &
I like to treat mackerel more like a
steak, giving it flavour and attitude
to make it sing. It's so delicious,
versatile and good for you.

1. Put a griddle pan on a high heat

Place the rice in a pan with two
mugs of boiling water and a pinch
of salt. Place over a high heat and
bring to the boil, then cover with a
lid. Reduce to a low heat and cook
for 7-8 minutes.
2. Once the griddle is screaming
hot, add the mackerel, skin-side
down. Use a fish slice to press the
fish onto the pan. Season and zest
over themedium-high heat and cook for
about 8 minutes.

3. Meanwhile, to make the sauce,

slice the spring onion, finely slice

the chilli and place both in a small
bowl. Grate in the zest from both
SERVES:4
limes, crush in the garlic, peel
and grate in the ginger, then mix.
1-- - ' = - - - - - - - - - - ---i You should get a lovely slurry.

4. Pick and roughly chop the

coriander leaves and tear into the
bowl. Add the sesame oil, soy
sauce and honey, and squeeze in
the juice from the limes. Finish with
1---'--------'--='------i a lug of extra-virgin olive oil and
taste - you want a balance of
sweet, sour, heat and fragrance.
1-- - - - - - - - - - - - - i 5. Check the mackerel; they should
be dark on the skin side. Carefully
flip them over to finish cooking for
a final few seconds. Check your
rice - all the water should be
absorbed. Divide the rice between
four plates, top each portion with
a piece of mackerel, then drizzle
over some of that gorgeous sauce.
Slice the spring onion and chilli,
if using. Pick the herb leaves
1---'-- -- - - ' - - - - ----l and scatter all over the plates.
Extra-virgin olive oil

THE SUNDAY TIMES MAGAZINE 47

THE DISH

48 THI! SUNDAY 11MES MAOAZIN

THE DISH

Surprisingly
skinny recipes
for fasting days

GIZZI ERSKINE

''

\
L..

ast year was the year ofhealth and

fitness. Green juices, clean eating and
the 5:2 diet all trended on Twitterwe're more concerned than ever about what
goes into our food and the effect it has on
our bodies.
I've always supported dieting for six
days, then giving yourself a day off, living
by the 80:20 rule, where if you're good 80%
of the time, you can eat what you like for the
remaining 20%. The 5:2 diet espouses eating
what you like for five out of seven days ofthe
week, and eating only 500 calories for two
days. It doesn't matter which days they are.
At the outset, I wasn't a fan. It really
wrecked my 80:20 logic, but I've seen so
many friends who followed it shrink that
I'm quite the convert.
Some people do this diet in a rather
basic way, piling their plates with blanched
or raw vegetables, then squeezing over a
little lemon juice. That's really not much
fun. My friend Elly Curshen, who runs the
Pear Cafe in Bristol, has a much better
approach to fasting days, and I really
recommend following her on Instagram.
where her username is @ellypear. She's a
clever cook and her fasting-day food is
vibrant and delicious and tasty, but
somehow always comes in below200
calories. Her key pointers are to weigh
and measure your food and always
use fresh ingredients.
With Elly's help, I've come up with three
fasting-day recipes that don't compromise
on flavour in the slightest. They're packed
with goodness, will fill you up and make you
feel and look fantastic. Even I'm tempted to
give the 5:2 a go this year

Gizzi's masterclasses
Gizzi Erskine shares her kitchen secrets
in a series ofone-minute videos, at
thesundaytimes.co.uk/foodseason

Purple-sprouting
broccoli with egg,
caper berries and
chickpeas
I'm pretty much happy with
anything that features an egg.
This is a brilliant, fast and
filling vegetarian salad that
really does keep you satisfied.

SERVES:1
PREPARATION: 10 MINS
COOKING: 10 MINS

70g pre-cooked
chickpeas, drained

1. Boil the eggs for 6 minutes,

then cool them in iced water, in
preparation for peeling.

2. Fill a small pan with water,

bring to the boil and blanch the
broccoli for a few minutes until just
tender, but still retaining some bite.
Drain and put to one side.

3. Mix the sherry vinegar and

olive oil together, then season
with salt and black pepper.
4. Peel the eggs and cut them in
half. Throw together the broccoli,
caper berries and chickpeas. Add
the dressing and mix well. Serve
on a plate with the eggs on top.

THE SUNDAY nMES MAGAZINE 49

THE DISH

I
I

Lemon sole with

celeriac and
kale colcannon

I
I

Celeriac is low in carbohydrates,

so has few calories. When
pureed, it becomes so creamy
it almost turns into a sauce.
SERVES:2
PREPARATION: 10 MINS
COOKING: 35 MINS

For the colcannon

1 small celeriac,
chopped into cubes
1 clove of garlic, crushed
60ml skimmed milk
35g kale
2 spring onions, thinly sliced

For t he lemon sole

2 x 100g lemon sole
fillets, trimmed
1 tsp plain flour
1 tsp butter
1. Put the celeriac and garlic in
a pan with the milk and top up
with water until the celeriac is
just about covered. Bring to the
boil, then reduce to a simmer
and cook for 30 minutes, or until
the cubes are tender.

2. Meanwhile, bring a small pan

of salted water to the boil and
blanch the kale for 1-2 minutes.
Then drain, squeezing out any
excess water. Place to one side.
3. Once the celeriac is cooked,
drain it, and blend until you have
a smooth puree. Chop the kale,
slice the spring onions, and add to
the puree. Season with plenty of
salt and black pepper.
4. Season the fillets, then dust
with flour. Melt the butter
in a pan and fry the fish for 2
minutes on each side, until crisp
and golden. Serve the colcannon
underneath the crisp fillets.

Reserve some of the

celeriac liquid in case you
need to loosen it when
blending to a puree.

60 THE SUNDAY TlMES MAGAZINE

'

I
I
I

THE DISH

On the Bottle
Ring in the new with the
best low-calorie wines

DAMIAN BARR

ou're probably feeling fat. I certainly

am. I'm not into body-shaming, and
I don't think anyone should feel bad
about the natural consequences of Christmas
indulgence (or indulgence at any time). But
as we pinch our real and imaginary inches,
gyms are being swamped with sweating
newbies, while punishing diets of obscure
1---------------.-~------------l paleo grains are being undertaken. Hair
2. To make the pickle, thinly slice
shirts do horribly well in the January sales.
Cauliflower and
At this time of year, les vins de virtue
one third of the cauliflower. Mix the
monkfish three ways vinegar, sugar and dried chilli with appear in the shops. Low-alcohol, low-calorie
1 tsp salt and 50ml water, then soak wine surely ranks alongside sugar-free
chocolate and joyless sex as the least
the cauliflower in the pickle for
Cauliflower is brilliant: served with
appealing of prospects, but this is a
curry spices, it makes a hearty dish. between 30 minutes and 4 hours.
potentially desperate month. So, bravely,
3. To make the roasted cauliflower, I tried some.
SERVES:2
cut another third into florets, rub
First, the science bit. Alcohol is not
PREPARATION: 30 MINS
a sugar and your Liver does not metabolise
with 1 tsp of the oil and roast at
COOKING: 30 MINS
it into sugar. But wine is full of calories.
200C for 25 minutes.
One gram of carbohydrate contains four
!---::..___ _ _ _ _ _ _ __, 4. For the puree, cut the remaining
calories and one gram of alcohol has seven.
The alcohol percentage of what you're
third into florets. Place in a small
r - - - - ' - - - - - - -- --i pan, add a splash of stock and heat drinking is more significant than the amount
1---- - - - - - - - = - - - - ---l gently. When soft, blitz until smooth, you pour (within reason).
Here's how to work out the calories per
1---=..-~----------1 adding more stock if needed.
Season with salt and white pepper. glass: multiply the alcohol percentage by
ounces poured, then multiply the resulting
1---__:__ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __, 5. Mix the curry powder and
number by 1.6. So, a 5oz glass of something
8% would contain 64 calories, and
leaves with the remaining oil and
cook for 30 seconds, or until the
a 15% glass would contain 120 calories.
1 - - - - ' - - - - - - - - - ---1 curry leaves "pop". Strain, reserving
Be warned: performing this calculation
r - - - - ' - - - - - - - - - - i the oil. Rub the remaining powder
will lead to mild stress, which in turn
and curry leaves over the monkfish. will result in increased consumption.
So, lower alcohol means fewer calories,
provided it's not packed with sugar to
make up for lost flavour (which much
of it is). Almost all of it is vile. The two
worst offenders are Torres Natureo
7. Heat the oven to 220C. Heat 1 tsp Dealcoholised Muscat (4.79, Waitrose)
1 - - - ' - - - - ' - - - - - - - - --l of the curry oil in a medium-hot pan and Miranda Summer Light Shiraz
1 - - - - - ' : . . _ _ - - - - - - - - --l and add the monkfish, browning it
(4.99, Tesco). The Torres, just 0.5% alcohol,
is gum-splittingly sweet. The red Miranda
1---'-- - - ' - - - - - - - - - - - l all over, then finish cooking in the
oven for 5 minutes. Leave to rest for smelt like a new roll of bin bags and tasted
,___ _ _ ____.:_ _;_:..___ _ _-i 5 minutes, then cut into 4 slices.
of a sangria hangover.
Wines made from grapes that aren't left
1. Cut the cauliflower into three
lingering on the vine - vinho verde and
S. Spread the puree around each
through the stalk: one third will
plate, top with slices of monkfish,
the drier rieslings - are naturally lower
be for the pickle, one roasted,
the roasted and pickled cauliflower
alcohol and so lower calorie. These are your
the other pureed.
and a good drizzle of the dressing.
January friends

1---------- -- ---i

MOSEL RIESLING
KABINETT,
SELBACH-OSTER

Exhilaratingly light,
bright lemon-balm
aroma, genuinely
thirst-quenching.
10.25, Berry Bros

(J
Uii.oiil.1

WIRRA WIRRA MRS

WIGLEY MOSCATO

Lightly fizzy, this

peach-blush treat
bursts with
strawberries in
balsamic vinegar.
Sweet, not cloying.
Z99, Ocado

MIRANDA SUMMER
LIGHT, MADE WITH
SAUVIGNON
BLANC

Sharp green apples

and pleasantly like
the watered-down
wine you were
allowed as a child.
As palatable as its
red is revolting.
4.99, Tesco

THE SUNDAY nMES MAGAZINE 51

SALE NOW ON

THE DISH
I
I

. : The Classic
: t.orraine Pascale's butternut squash,
basil and or.~ion quiche
I

THE SUNDAY TIMES MAGAZINE &3

THE DISH

Lorraine Pascale's

SERVES:&

butternut
squash quiche

For the pastry

Plain flour, for dusting

- Lorraine Pascale trained at

Leiths School of Food &Wine
before working her way up at the
Mandarin Oriental and Petrus.
She then set up her unashamedly
indulgent Cupcake Bakery in
London's Covent Garden before
hosting the BBC series Baking
Made Easy, wowing fans with
her simple, impressive recipes.

Recipe taken from A Lighter

Way to Bake by Lorraine
Pascale (Harper Collins, 20);
lo"ainepascale.com

350g lower-fat spread

wholemeal shortcrust pastry
- or you can use shop-bought
light shortcrust pastry

For the filling

Spray oil
21arge red onions, finely sliced
220g pack of ready-prepared
butternut squash, cut
into 1cm cubes
1 garlic clove, finely chopped
2eggs
1 egg white
100g less than 3% fat
creme fraiche

Digital
The Classic Top 20

100ml semi-skimmed milk

Available now, only on the

Sunday Times tablet app

To serve
Small handful of basil leaves
50g bag of rocket

1. Heat the oven to 180C. Grease

a 20cm round, loose-bottomed,
straight-sided flan tin. Dust a clean
surface with flour and roll the
pastry into a circle just bigger than
the tin and to the thickness of a
1 coin. Drape the pastry over the
rolling pin to help you lay it into the
prepared tin, leaving the excess
hanging over.

2. Pinch off a little of the spare

pastry, roll it into a ball, then push
it down gently into the "corners" of
the tin, so when the tin is removed
after baking the edges are nice and
straight. Trim off the excess pastry
with a sharp knife. If there are any
holes in the pastry, patch them up
with other bits of pastry to ensure
the filling can't leak out.
3. The pastry will probably now be
a bit soft, so put it in the fridge for
20 minutes or so, or until firm. Take
a large square of baking parchment,
scrunch it up, then open it out to
line the pastry (this makes it easier
to make it stay where you put it). Fill
the paper-lined pastry with dried
beans or ceramic baking beans and
bake for 20 minutes until just firm
to the touch and turning golden.

Lorraine writes: "I have taken

the liberty of adding other
colourful flavourful things to
the traditional bacon-and-egg
recipe- to help you on your
way to getting your five-a-day.
Nearly half of the sugar
content comes from the onions
-and you're saving over 100
calories per portion [compared
to a regular quiche]"

Rapeseed oil is
Lorraine's oil of
choice -very low in
saturated fat
compared with other
oils. Use the spray
version If possible

4. Uft out the paper and beans and

return the pastry case to the oven

to bake for 5 more minutes. This
should dry the bottom out and make
it more evenly golden. Remove
from the oven and leave to cool.

5. While the pastry is cooking,

make the filling. Spray a little oil
into a medium pan set over a
medium heat and fry the onions for
6-8 minutes until they begin to
soften and just tum brown. Add
the butternut squash and cook for
6-8 minutes, until just tender. Add
the garlic for the final minute, then
remove from the heat and leave to
cool for a few minutes.

6. Meanwhile, mix the eggs, egg

white, creme fraiche and milk in a
large jug and season with salt and
pepper. Stir the cooled onion and
squash mixture into the egg mix,
then carefully pour this into the
cooked pastry case.

7. Bake for 30-35 minutes or until

the egg has set but with the tiniest
bit of wobble in the centre. Remove
from the oven and leave until cool
enough to handle. Carefully
remove from the tin, cut into six
wedges, scatter the basil and
rocket over the quiche and serve.

;::
I
I

"'~

5
<

,:;

"':::;
I

0..

"'
0..

;.;
::>

ci

t
z

"'0<
"'"'

"':t

You can substitute butter for ~

less naughty products, like creme
fraiche. Cakes with lower fat and
sugar content can sometimes
have a firmer crust, but inside it
will be like a fluffy cloud

_,

"'

:;:

!<

:t
0

"'<;;
"'

,:;

,."':::;
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54 THE SUNDAY TIMES MAGAZINE

'

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THE DISH

Table Talk

THE CROWN

31 High Street. Woodstock.

Oxfordshire OX20 1TE

The Crown, Woodstock

ATMOSPHERE

01993 813339;

****14 FOOD ****'14

thecrownwoodstock.com
Mon-Fri: noon-3pm, 5pm-10pm;
Sat noon-4pm, 5pm-10pm;
Sun: noon-10pm

AAGILL

his is the time of year when we

remember those less fortunate
than ourselves. Those who
through happenstance, capricious fate
and soured choices find themselves
wallowing in the cosmic latrine,
looking up at the gaiety of the more
fortunate, smarter and bodylicious,
for whom jollity and jocund japes,
fraternal amity, gemutlich mirth and
charity sex are not just hearsay and
wishful thinking, but the bountiful
rewards of Lady Luck.
So let's pause a minute to pity
the denizens of Stow-on-the-Wold, in
my view officially the vilest place on
Earth, and Chipping Norton, and
Burford and Charlbury and Kingham
and Daylesford, all the burgs of
Oxfordshire and Gloucestershire that
are the desperate slums of snobbery,
the mired stews of avarice, envy and
garden-furniture insecurity; Hades as
weekend cottages. For there is no hell
like this pit of simper, this stain of
Virginia creeper, urine-coloured stone
and twinkly, antiquified retirement.
The great pursed lips of smugness,
the cloaca of petrified, florally
competitive towns and villages that
are twinned with the Joneses and
stretch up the M40 to the benighted
badlands of the Cotswolds.
The favelas that the comfortably
orf create for themselves are far worse
than anything the poor are forced to
suffer, because they are the edifices of
choice, pretension and misanthropy.
What makes it all so desperately
barren and depressing is the utter,
implacable resistance to hope, a
terrified, stultified conviction that
nothing in the future is ever going
to be as good as the meagrest
journeyman craft of the past. That the
very best you can hope to achieve for
unborn generations is the preservation
of the habitats of the dead. The
residents of these places are merely
curators of a crumbling posterity.

56 THE SUNDAY TIMES MAGAZINE

Woodstock is a prime example of

a town caught in the time trap of
heritage, a quiet collection of houses,
cottages and coaching inns that are
essentially the servants' quarters of
Blenheim Palace, one of England's very
few examples of baroque architecture,
a style that was imported from Catholic
Europe as imperious snobbery, with
two fingers to the surrounding
vernacular. After Broadmoor hospital
for the criminally insane, Blenheim is
unquestionably the most depressing
house in Britain. It was given by a
n ation who had no say in paying for
it on behalf of a queen to her bestie,
the Duke of Marlborough's wife.
Hands up anyone who knows the
war it celebrated, or the reason we
were fighting in it. No, I thought not.
It was the War of the Spanish
Succession, between the Austrians
and the French. It was fought mostly
in southern Germany, the British
were there at the invitation of the
Dutch, and the soldiers who died on

"Day-trippers are tricky to

feed: transient, parsimonious,
picky, unadventurous and
mostly lookingfor an edible
version ofLittle England that
doesn't and never did exist"

STARTERS
Chorizo, cannellini
beans, broccoli
6
Beef carpaccio,
capers, rocket
6
Octopus, dill
6
MAINS

Pizza with
anchovy, capers
9
Pizza with nduja
9
Veal and pork
meatballs
12

Shoulder of lamb,
caponata
12

DESSERTS
Chocolate torte
5

TOTAL
for four,
inc 12.5% service:
73.13

the banks of the Danube will have

known as much about why they were
there as you do - so unlike anything
that could happen today.
Woodstock sits huddled
uncomfortably like a collection of
dwarves around a dark, dandy giant.
Naturally the town is full of day-trippers
who want a dose of history, culture,
countryside, knick-knack windowshopping and a jolly good whinge.
The best place to h ave a whinge is
over lunch. Feeding day-trippers,
indigenous tourists and heritage
zealots is one of the most tricky and
thankless tasks in all of catering.
The customers are transient,
parsimonious, picky, unadventurous
and mostly looking for an edible
version of Little England that
doesn't and never did exist.
The Crown is a new restaurant
that has opened in an old pub on the
high street. This building is bound
to be listed - everything is listed by at least half a dozen busybody
quangos. Inside, they've done their
best to dechintz and un-Tiggy-Winkle.
The rooms are a functional, if not
desperately attractive, collection of
higgledy spaces painted in Dead
Pigeon or Dog Breath or one of those
Farrow & Ball colours that have all
been inspired by bruises. There's a
pate-cleaving ceiling and a Terry and
June conservatory. It also has a real
wood burning oven and it's all

THE DISH

overseen by Fiona Cullinane, a chef

I have known for some time, who is
one of the very best British, originally
Scots, rural cooks.
The dining room was full of
weekend visitors and undulating
ridges of waterproof jackets draped
over buggies. A steady stream of
fathers carried toddlers to have
their nappies changed. I like eating
in rooms with children; there is a
particular Kardomah in hell
reserved for restaurateurs who put
age restrictions on hospitality. The
menu is Italianate and to the point.
There is a section of antipasti, four
pizzas, meat, fish, vegetables.
The Blonde, the twins and I
ordered a lot. We started with chorizo,
cannellini beans and broccoli. Then
beef carpaccio with capers, rocket
and parmesan, and octopus with
tomato, capers and dill, all of which
were exclamatorily exemplary.
Then pizza from the arboreal oven:
Beetle said he thought his anchovy,
capers, mozzarella, olives and
oregano was a touch too doughy.
I told him it was not the crisp pizza
of Rome, but rather the bready
Neapolitan version of southern Italy.
And mine, with mozzarella, red
onion and nduja- the spicy sausage
made with the bits of pig even the
other pigs won't eat -was as good as
any I've eatep this year, not that I eat
an awful lot of pizza. Then there was
an unctuous and muscly mackerel,
like the bastard fish-child of Uriah
Heep and Ariel. And veal meatballs
with cavolo nero and butter beans; and
a dish of slow-cooked shoulder of
lamb with caponata. As a vegetable,
I had hake with chorizo.
All this was made with a fizzing
panache, simple and generous, ideally
judged for this place and these people.
I watched my compatriots pull faces,
shove bread into the sticky maws of
their heritage children, wipe sauce from
their cagoules and regard each other
with the dull acceptance of people
whose marriages have been arranged
by fate. I can't warm to the English at
leisure: they bring out the worst in
me. They do it so badly, they're so
unrelaxed, gulping beer like liquid
valium, rolling their eyes at the jolly
foreign waitresses. This is the toughest
crowd in the world, tougher than the
Japanese royal family at a Mexican
wedding. They walk into restaurants
expecting to be disappointed and are
then disappointed if they're notjust my luck to be a critic in a nation
of critics. The Crown is very good
and the gastronomic surprise that
few of them deserve. Not you, of
course, I don't mean you

The Ingredient
Arbroath smokies
One of the most celebrated types of smoked haddock is the Scottish
Arbroath smokie. lt's the subtle combination of smokiness and sweetness
that makes Arbroath's celebrated export a treat at this, or indeed any, time of
year. Made from plump young haddock, the skin is charred bronze, while
inside, the subtly cured fish falls away from the bones in juicy flakes. It is so
lightly cooked -for just 40 minutes over whisky barrels set in the ground
- that the flesh looks almost translucent Legend has it that the first smokie
was discovered in the embers of a burnt-out cottage in Auchmithie, a fishing
village four miles northeast of Arbroath, on the east coast of Scotland, but it
is more likely that the technique of preserving fish in this way was brought
over by settlers from Scandinavia. Today, the haddock are caught by North
Sea trawlers, but smokies are still made using traditional methods dating
back to the late 1800s. In 2004, Arbroath smokies earned the coveted
protected geographical indication -a coup for those who produce them.

THREE OF
THE BEST
DAY-TRIPPER
VILLAGE PUBS
SCOTT ARMS,
KINGSTON
Seasonal fare in
an idyllic location.
Kingston, Code
Castle, Dorset
BH205LH;
01929 480270,
thescottarms.com

THE THOMAS
LORD, WEST
MEON
Sensitively
restored pub
with a classic
British menu.
WestMeon,
Hampshire
GU321LN;
01730 829244,
thethomaslord.

co.uk
THE KINGHAM
PLOUGH,
KINGHAM
Chef-proprietor
Emily Watkins was
formerly so uschef to Heston
Blumenthal.
The Green,
Kingham,
Oxfordshire
OX76YD;
01608 658327,
thekingham
plough.co.uk

BUY SMOKED TO ORDER

Authentic Arbroath smokies can only be
made from haddock - accept no fishy
imitations. Buy the freshly smoked
product online: they are boxed with gel
ice packs to keep everything cool
and bubble-wrapped, and should arrive
the next working day. They can be kept
in the fridge for two to three days or
frozen for up to three months.
DO IT YOURSELF?
You may need an expert to prepare them
for you: the haddock are deheaded,
gutted and halved, then salted overnight
After the salt is washed off, they are tied
by the tail in "pairs" using hemp twine,
hung on sticks and hot-smoked (which
cooks them at the same time) for up to
an hour until they are nicely bronzed.

BUTTER THEM UP
Since they are hot-smoked, the fish can
be eaten cold or warmed through. The
most popular pairing is simply butter:
brush the skin with a little of it melted,
put a good knob on the inside, and
warm the fish through for a few minutes,
then serve with thick, brown seedy bread
and_. you guessed it, more butter.
ONE MORE THING...
Wondering what the difference is
between an Arbroath smokie and a
kipper? The latter is a cold-smoked
herring, is therefore raw and needs
cooking; smokies are oilier and less bony.
BY SOPHIE HAYDOCK
How do you eat yours? Tweet
@SophieHaydock #STingredient

THE SUNDAY nMES MAGAZINE 57

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A Life in the Day

The artist Marcus Harvey, 52, talks about council housing,

starting up an art school and getting arrested with Damien
INTERVIEW BY VICT ORIA COLEMAN- SMITH. PHOTOGRAPH BY DAVID SANDISON

wake up at 5 or 6 when my threeyear-old, Rocco, gets into our bed

and starts gently pummelling me
with his feet. Then I hear the sound of
our new lurcher, Purdy, whining,
and that's when I'm forced to get up.
From 7 to 8, my partner, Sophie,
and I are then embroiled in the
morning routine of making breakfast
and getting the two other kids up:
Frankie's seven and Luca's six. I have
one more son, Harvey. He's 17 and he
lives with both me and my first wife.
We live in an ex-council,
four-bedroom, ground-floor flat in
Camberwell with a garden and a
communal green outside. Sophie's
also an artist and we've been trying to
get married for some time now. The
only thing is, we also want to go on
a honeymoon, so we have got to wait
until all the little bastards are old
enough for us to leave them with
someone else for two weeks.
During the week my main priority
is running Turps. This is the art school
I set up with Peter Ashton Jones in
20U. It's in southeast London, near
Elephant and Castle, and the aim of
the school is to do what many art
schools used to do and don't any more,
and that's to provide the opportunity
for postgraduate students to continue
their explorations of paint. It doesn't
offer an accredited qualification, but
what it does offer is an artist-led,

"I was still at school when I

met Damien Hirst. We didn't
talk about art back then.
We were more into breaking
and entering and shoplifting.
We even tried stealing a boat"

year-long course, run on a mentor/

mentee structure. And it costs 6,000
-some schools charge up to 27,000.
I'm one of the main mentors at the
school, and on Mondays and Tuesdays
I'll go round and visit all our men tees
- all of whom have their own studio
spaces at the school. I also use that
time to speak to the mentors and deal
with any problems that might have
arisen, like the heating or the roof.
For lunch I might have something
like tinned mackerel on toast or a
kebab. In the afternoon, once all the
necessary business has been dealt
with at the school, I like to get away
to my own studio, which is nearby in
Camberwell, next to the town hall.
I'm currently working on a series of
paintings and bronze sculptures for
a show I'm having in Philadelphia later
this year. The only way I can describe
the work is to say that they are
emotional portraits that somehow
symbolise both myself and my country.

I've been doing sculpture for a few

years now, but painting is really where
it all began for me. When I was
growing up in Leeds, my dad worked
for an advertising agency, but his big
hobby was painting. I loved watching
him and playing around with his
shrivelled-up tubes of oil paint. Then
Mum, who was an in-store
demonstrator, would take me to Leeds
Art Gallery. There are lots of dark,
creepy, primitive works in that gallery,
and they had a big impact on me. I was
particularly drawn to artists like Jacob
Kramer, Henri Gaudier-Brzeska and
Jacob Epstein.
I was still at school in Leeds when
I met Damien Hirst - we both went to
Allerton Grange School. We didn't talk
much about art back then; we were
more into breaking and entering, and
shoplifting. Our high jinks led to a few
encounters with the law. One time, we
even tried stealing a boat from a lake.
I was fortunate enough to get a
place at Goldsmiths to study art.
Damien's a bit younger than me, but he
still crept into a few of my seminars to
get a feel of the place too. It was a tough
environment; a case of sink or swim,
and when I finished I did shiny jobs,
like washing-up and working on
building sites. I carried on painting,
but didn't have much early success.
By the time I was 30, I felt I'd spent
five years in the wilderness.
Then through Damien I met Jay
Joplin, the owner of the White Cube
Gallery. Jay gave me a show at his
gallery; as a result ofthat, my portrait of
Myra Hindley got picked for Charles
Saatchi's Sensation exhibition at the
Royal Academy in 1997.
Whatever kind of day I'm having,
I like to be back home to help with the
kids' teatime and bedtime reading.
We eat a lot oflndian, Thai and South
Asian food, which I cook myself, and
then I like to watch telly or a box set.
Looking back on my life, things
have been a bit of struggle, but
I've always tried to stick to my guns,
to do things I believe in. So I haven't
got any complaints. To me, everything
that happens in life happens
for a reason
For details about Turps Art School,
visit turpsbanana.com/art-school

MY WEEK
Read
I'm reading
Werner Herzog:
AGuideforthe
PerplexedConversations
with Paul Cronin.
It's atonic
Heard
I've been listening
to Count Arthur
Strong. He's
a spoofcharacter
by Steve Delaney,
who is a
comic titan
Saw

SinCity2.
It's a brilliant
film -and
Mickey Rourke
is a fantastic
character in it

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62 THE SUNDAY TIMES MAGAZINE

Jeep, with

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