Doleful Dawn

Mafaa Hauhnar
Trans.: John Lalnuntluanga & C. Lalawmpuia Vanchiau
It was the latter half of August 1995, and Sikkim was beginning to enjoy its most pleasant
weather with the onset of autumn. The rains had not stopped completely, but the worst of the
monsoon was over. I had arrived recently in Gangtok to continue my studies at the Sikkim
Government College, and was staying with my Sikkimese friend Sonam Lepcha and his family,
having exhausted all the excuses I could come up with to his insistent invitation. The only son of
a wealthy contractor, Sonam did not turn out a spoilt brat in spite of the family wealth. We first
met and remained close friends ever since the 11th National Jamboree the national meeting of
scouts and guides held at Bhopal five years earlier, where I represented Mizoram and he,
Sikkim. We managed to keep in touch down the years not only through the occasional telephone
conversation but also through letters.
In his last letter, he wrote about a Mizo pastor in the Gangtok Evangelical Presbyterian Church,
waxing eloquent on the beauty of the pastors daughter Remi. He also mentioned that Remi has
almost finished her masters under the English department at Gauhati University, and that she is
presently in Gangtok due to ill-health.
Since classes had already commenced and my classmates had left me far behind, I barely had
time to enjoy what autumn could offer. On Sunday, however, I went along with my friend to the
church where the Mizo pastor ministered. After the service, we lingered for a while in the church
premises, hoping to catch a glimpse of the pastors daughter. When at last my friend said, Thats
her! and I turned towards the direction of his speech, boy was I floored! Im done for, and you
may perform the last rites straightaway.
I was immediately enchanted, just like those exceptionally beautiful butterflies of childhood
flapping their dainty wings kept us mesmerised, giving us no other option but to chase after them.
These lines from a verse by Kit (Christopher Marlowe) I had memorized right after our High
School days, but which I had not yet come across a girl worthy to say to, all came flooding back
to my mind:
Was this the face that launchd a thousand ships,
And burnt the topless towers of Ilium?
Sweet Helen, make me immortal with a kiss.
Indeed, Remi looked beautiful enough to launch a thousand battleships and reduce the towers of
Ilium to ashes, and confer immortality with a single kiss. She had a finely chiselled face with a
mole on her left cheek, and a high-ridged Grecian nose that looked more Aryan than Mongoloid.
She grew her straight black hair rather long, reaching all the way below her shoulders. To tell the
truth, I havent come across any Mizo girl more beautiful than her ever since I was born (not that
I could think of having come across one before I was born). Except for the fact that her chest and
backside might be considered a tad too flat, she was almost perfect in terms of looks and features.
Her voice had just the right resonance, throaty yet very feminine at the same time. And at the risk
of sounding pretentious and making an overstatement, let me just add that her beauty surpasses
beauty itself. To behold her is to be smitten by her beauty, and her radiance virtually suggests she
1

belongs among the heavenly beings. She pierced my heart straightaway with Cupids invisible
arrow of love, and without any intimation beforehand, left an indelible footprint in the innermost
regions of my heart where no one has ever set foot before.
After greeting the pastor and other ministers, I drew near and immediately started pulling her leg.
So, you are the Remi that even the lowliest of commoners could not help speak of? But those
who speak of you have vastly understated your beauty. Did you hurt yourself when you came
falling down from the heavens? Landing a playful punch on my biceps, she replied, Oh, you
are really obnoxious. But she said so in a manner that was not at all off-putting. The bantering
went on for some time, till she had to leave for some prior engagements after making some
apologies and inviting me to drop in at home in the near future.
But her allure never left me at all. She practically stayed in my mind 25 hours a day. Yet I could
not have enough of it! My mind was preoccupied with thinking of the day I could meet her again.
Two days after our first meeting, on a Wednesday when classes finished early and the skies were
downcast and winds howling, I thought of catching up on some reading and went to the
Community Centre Library. As I was about to enter, I suddenly came face to face with Remi. She
was coming out of the building, her hands laden with books and some seemingly important
documents. Even without her Sunday best but only the sweatshirt and jeans she had on, she and
her clothes complemented each other rather well.
Just as she opened her mouth to speak, a gust of wind blew away a sheet of paper from among
the bundle she was carrying. On seeing her surprise and disappointment, I immediately went
after the sheet of paper. She also joined me in the chase after putting her load down on the porch.
We chased that bit of paper all the way to the Library lawns, but the wind kept blowing it away
again and again whenever we were about to pick it up. After a rather lengthy struggle, I dived
headlong and finally managed to get hold of her document. She collapsed next to me on the lawn,
out of breath. After a while, when weve managed to catch our breaths again, we came to see the
funny side and burst out in a hearty laugh.
With a cheeky grin, I told her, While I could not wait to meet you again, our second meeting
didnt turn out as romantic as I hoped. She demurred, saying, I find it rather romantic, and in
the same breath, continued, Why were you so keen to meet me again?
Id also like to know the reason why. I have no clue as to why Im so keen to see you again,
except that Im very eager to do so.
You dont really know much about women, do you?
Of course I dont. I dont know too many, apart from women in the Bible such as Sarah and
Mary. Why do you ask?
With a small laugh, she responded, Well, your reason for being so keen to see me again is
possibly the most flattering for any woman. Then she half-turned towards me, and rewarded me
with a small sideways glance. And Im gone again! Was it decreed that man shall die twice!
2

Apparently bashful all of a sudden, she turned red and looked downwards. Propping herself up
with one hand, she absentmindedly pinched the grass with the other.
From then on, to make a long story short, we were both young and the world was ours.
Whenever time permits, we were always together, stuck to each other like glue. Together we
drank of the nectar of love, and every conceivable joy was ours. Others may not think much of us,
but we longed for one another, and we definitely needed no other. Each day we turned over a
new leaf in the book of love. No morsel of food tasted good in my mouth unless eaten with her.
No vista caught my eye unless viewed with her. Even the best music did not please my ears
unless we listened to it together. In her absence, any festive occasion was always one person too
less no matter how big the crowd. But when we were alone together, everyone (that matters)
was there.
While frolicking in the sea of love and splashing merrily around upon the waves, it never entered
my wildest imagination that complications could arise between us. However, being older by
around three years, Remi thought much further ahead. While I never had the sense to look above
and beyond the clear blue skies, she could foresee the rocks, pitfalls and rapids that lie ahead.
And she finally brought it up one day while we were sitting at Mount Simvo Restaurant.
After much thought, I realise that our age difference would complicate things between us very
soon, no matter how happy we are together right now. At present, you seem quite pleased to be
with me, but a time will come when you find me dull and bland in comparison with younger girls.
So, before we go any further, I think it is for the best that we part ways right now.
Dont worry. What problem can arise as long as you are you and not someone else? Even
William Shakespeare was married at 18 to the 26-year old Anne Hathaway.
Exactly. It led to so many complications that he stayed away from his wife and children in
faraway London.
All right, then, Robert Browning married 40-year old Elizabeth Barrett when he turned 34, and
they were happily married till parted by death.
We can still remain friends, and hang out together.
I have quite a few friends, and do not really need another addition. Anyway, two people can
move on from liking to loving each other, but cannot revert from loving to liking.
On and on we argued. Finally, I lost my temper and said angrily, Youre just fishing around for
ways to drive me away because you dont really love me. Just say it out loud in such a way that
simpletons like me could understand: I dont want you anymore. Let us separate completely
just as you wanted. From now on, forget about me and consider me as someone who has never
existed. Thats not true, you simply misunderstand what Im saying, I ignored her tear-laden
plea and stomped away in a huff.
Words cannot describe how I spent my time between that day and two weeks afterwards (or was
3

it two years; Ive since lost track of time!). I have no inkling as to what the term living death
really means, but believe it to be as accurate a term as possible to describe my condition. I was in
pain, but the only one who could alleviate my pain was the only one who caused me pain in the
first place. I woke up each morning wondering if the sun could ever shine anew upon me.
Gangtok suddenly looked so desolate though its inhabitants still bustle around as before. And it
appeared to me like a bleak, God-forsaken wasteland even though its hills and vales had not
changed even one bit. Pretty soon, I even thought of myself as living beyond the comfort of the
security blanket afforded by the firmament that is the sky.
It is said that those who have had their limbs amputated still feel the need now and then to
scratch an itch on their non-existent toes with hands they no longer have. Something akin to such
a phantom limb syndrome also manifested itself in abundance in my life. Because of my
reluctance to part with Remi, I often thought that we were still together. Because we hanged out
together on innumerable occasions, I often felt that she was there next to me. Sometimes, when
passing by the restaurant where we often ate together, I craned my neck hoping to catch a
glimpse of her even though I was fully aware, deep down, that she would not be there. In that
manner, I practically ceased to live but somehow made it through the days, a walking apparition
that was an empty shell of my former self.
These lines from the poet who deliberately refrained from using capital letters in his poems, and
even wrote his name as ee cummings resonated with how I kept Remi close within my heart:
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear;
and whatever is done by only me
is your doing, my darling)
i fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
i want no world
(for beautiful you are my world, my true). I never left her out or let her out; nor did I ever allow
her memory to fade. She always held centre-stage in my mind, in the same vein as these words
from one of my favourite poets PS Chawngthu: Nghilh nuam mah i, dawn ni khel lo (Though
Id like to forget her, Not a day passes that I didnt think of her). I never longed for any world
without her, for she was the only world I ever had.
One evening Sonam told me, I learned that Remis not keeping too well. I set off towards the
pastors quarters right after supper. Her father received me at the door when I knocked. Ever
since Remis mother died of cancer a couple of years back, only two of them lived there. How
come youre rarely around these days, her father remarked as he opened the door to Remis
room. When I entered, she was lying there on her bed. She looked pale and sickly, and I could
immediately see how weak she was. On seeing me, she gave a wan smile and said, Its so nice
of you to come. Thank you so much, but theres really no cause for concern.
Trying to lighten the mood, I told her in a humorous manner, Well, I was concerned about you
not because I think of you as a cause for concern all the time. I was concerned because thinking
about you all the time has become my concern. She then beckoned me to come over and sit at
the edge of her bed.

Seeing that she was in no shape to hold an extended conversation, I sat quietly by her side.
Picking up a Rubiks Cube from the table, I clumsily set to work trying to group all six colours
on each of the six faces. On seeing that I came no closer to solving it even after a long struggle,
Remi said with a sweet smile, Here, let me try. She deftly moved the cubelets around and
finished arranging them within a short time. She coughed intermittently all the while a deep
whooping cough, and always seemed out of breath, taking two for every breath that I took. She
also felt a persistent pain down her ribs. And her hands were extremely cold when I held them. I
put on the music system like she asked me to, and played the song Silence is Golden by The
Tremeloes, which was a joint favourite of ours. After listening to it a couple of times, she slowly
drifted off to sleep. As it was getting late, I kissed her softly on the lips and went home.
I dropped in after class hours every day. Shes improving, but would not meet anyone, her
father informed me daily. But when I went on Saturday morning, her father said, Shes much
better now. She went to visit her friends and would sleep over. Hearing of her improvement
made me glad, but I was crestfallen nevertheless.
On the way back, I stopped at a wine shop and bought Sikkim Fireball Brandy, a popular fruitbased local brand, and for the first time in my life, drank copious amounts that left me dead
drunk. When I woke up the next day, I resumed from where I left off till I was drunk as a skunk
and in no shape to go anywhere. This binge drinking went on for four days, which made Sonam
so worried that he volunteered, This cant go on indefinitely; at least write her a short letter and
Ill deliver it personally. Im sure she would see me. On a piece of paper I scrawled, I may
proclaim my love for you ten thousand times ten thousand, but that would not adequately express
the love I feel. I consider myself unworthy to expect anything else from you except this: I hope
we could meet again in private this coming Sunday, that is, if its not too demeaning for you!
After that, I would stay away from your life like you want me to. Sonam left straightaway with
this short message.
I paced the length and breadth of the room the whole afternoon waiting for her response. But it
did not come at all even till late in the night. Moreover, I did not hear anything from her the next
day. However, on Friday afternoon, after I had lost all hope, our English teacher Prof. Ladhaki
unexpectedly gave me a pink envelope in class. On seeing the familiar handwriting on the cover,
I dashed outside completely forgetting in my excitement that class was going on. Rushing to an
isolated place nearby, I commenced reading right away. Written inside was this message:
Dearest M,
This is the fourth draft of my response to your letter, and I wont tear it up this time. I feel such
anguish these days. Ive really made you angry, havent I? Its so complicated! I am really sorry
for everything; but Im sure you would understand once you know why. After much thought, I
agree to go on a date with you this coming Sunday (smile, little one). Why not come calling at
home instead? Should there be no inconvenance, Ill expect you around 12 oclock. That means
Id have to skip church, so no one else must know of it. You looked so dashing that night. If only I
had the gift, I would have written lines of poetry in your honour there and then!
Goodbye for now.
Your loving elder sister (ha ha ha),
Remi.
5

She signed off by writing her name Remi with the symbol of a heart over the i instead of a
dot. I read the letter over and over again, and then kissed each and every letter. She surely meant
inconvenience where she wrote inconvenance. But I found it exquisitely beautiful even if it
was an inadvertent error, and would never let any inconvenance play spoilsport.
She was at home by herself when the appointed hour arrived. And when we met, it seemed like
there never was any misunderstanding between us. We sat together one in spirit and with sincere
affection binding us together. While playing with her tresses, I said to her: Last night, I was
overwhelmed with anticipation and barely slept a wink. And even when I nodded off for a
moment, I had a strange dream. I was ambling along by myself in a large deserted street. The
street was eerily quiet, and there was no one around. While I was there walking around all alone,
I thought I heard someone calling my name. But when I looked around, no one was to be seen.
Feeling discouraged, I was about to trudge on when I heard a voice that is unmistakably yours
calling my name. I turned around, and there you were all dressed up in white, smiling sweetly
and beckoning me with your hands. I ran to you, but when I tried to embrace you, you drifted off
like the morning mist and left me feeling abandoned. I was so frustrated that I woke up in a cold
sweat.
Thats no more realistic than a pipe dream. I would never abandon you.
Do you really mean that?
Of course! Now, this is how I felt last night:
Half the night I waste in sighs,
Half in dreams I sorrow after
The delight of early skies;
In a wakeful doze I sorrow
For the hand, the lips, the eyes,
For the meeting of the morrow,
The delight of happy laughter,
The delight of low replies.
Thats really beautiful. Tennyson, right? I asked her.
Correct, you get full points. Its from the monodrama Maud. How did you know that its
Tennysons?
Ha, in the same way ornithologists recognise birds from their songs.
Do you know what day tomorrow is?
Sure, its Monday, the 25th of September.
Its my birthday, silly. Youve completely forgotten, isnt it? Hope youre not going senile at
such a tender age. Anyhow I dont expect any birthday gift, but would be quite satisfied if you
6

could give me your time. Id like to take you hostage the whole day, probably up to 10 oclock at
night. Ive already asked my acquaintances at Tashila Tours & Travels to arrange a car. Pick me
up at 7 in the morning. But I wont tell you now where were going.
After some small talk, we reverted to our maxim silence is golden, and put our lips to some
other use. And we did put them to good use. Bound together by the love that seeks, we moved on
to exploring each others bodies. In the heat of the moment, we might even have ventured
beyond the parameters laid out by the Church, who knows. But then, resolving to resume from
where we left off tomorrow, we finally wished each other good night.
The next day, I had already finished my third cup of coffee at daybreak. On my way to pick up
Remi, I bought a bouquet of white and red roses as a birthday gift, having learnt somewhere that
they signify purity and true love. She was ready to go when I reached her place. I handed her the
bunch of flowers with these words: Thank you for being born to bring beauty to this drab and
miserable world. Long may you live to see many more days like this. She lovingly clasped the
flowers and took in their fragrance for a while. Theyre so beautiful. I told you that you dont
need to give me anything. Youll surely spoil me if you go on like this, she finally said, and
carefully put them in a vase. After a light breakfast of buttered toast and tea, we set out by car
towards the promised land.
Once inside the car, I learned that she was planning to take me to a place called Namchi, which
lies near Darjeeling and Kalimpong. It was a 3-hour drive, and we stopped occasionally for
refreshments along the way. Sitting together at the back, we threw caution to the winds and paid
the driver no mind. We quenched our thirst at the fount of love, and having tucked into loves
bounty like a starving man gorged himself on food, we had our fill like a bunch of beggars in
heaven. After having lunch on the lawns of the beautiful colonial-era bungalow at Temi Tea
Garden, we finally reached our destination around 1 oclock.
Namchi stood tall in all its majestic splendour in between various surrounding hillocks. Orchids
of various types, which normally bloomed only during the dry winter season in Mizoram, were
blooming all around. Indeed, Sikkim is known for its multiple varieties of orchids and spicy
chilies. Aratukkhuan, mualhawih, chawnpui and various other flowers dotted the hillsides,
making it a riot of colours whichever direction one looks. The sky was clean and clear. Uleuh,
dawlrem, thlangkawrnu and many other birds which I didnt know by name greeted us with their
songs, hopping and skipping merrily along. And the waters of the swift-flowing streams were
fresh and frothy, looking more like streams of milk. On top of this, boughs of pine, bamboo and
various other trees sway rhythmically in the breeze. All of this gave the impression that even
God is showing off, seemingly afraid that we might fail to appreciate his artistry.
Poetry permeated the air like the clouds that fill the sky, suggesting that one could easily put it all
down in writing and produce literature that lasts. However, with my strength and song Remi by
my side, I had no time for such trivial stuff. By the way, have I told you of Remis beauty and
appeal? All these beautiful creations of God, indeed the very beauty of Mother Nature itself, do
possess a certain comeliness and attraction. However, all their beauty taken together cannot hold
a candle to that of Remis in my eyes. They would be weighed, measured and found wanting. At
least in my eyes! Remis beauty is beyond compare.
7

I had some snacks with the Kingfisher beer that I carried along, but Remi would have nothing
but soda. Sometimes wed engage in small talk, and sometimes wed chase each other around.
Occasionally we let our thumbs wrestle, every now and then our tongues. Now and then we
lolled around on the carpet of dry leaves, and then spend quiet moments staring at the far-away
peaks laden with snow. At times wed hold an impromptu singing competition holding dried pine
cones like microphones, and then spend some time commenting on each others singing. Like
children at an amusement park, we really enjoyed the time we had. The word Namchi, in the
local language, means sky high. The joy and happiness we shared literally felt sky high. It felt
like we had both died and gone straight to heaven, almost making me long for death itself. It was
close to sunset when we reluctantly decided to return.
We didnt talk much on the way back. Resting her head on my chest, she clutched my hand every
so often, and kissed me now and then. I also saw her occasionally wiping away her tears, which
left me worried. But whenever I asked, Are you okay? her answer always was, Ive never felt
better in my life. I had no idea what to do.
Sensing my unease, she tried her best to cheer me up and made some jokes. She sang the song
Blue Christmas and humorously twisted the first line in this manner: Hal, Hal, have a blue
Christmas Come to think of it, Elvis did sing the first line Ill, Ill have a Blue Christmas
without you, but his pronunciation sounded somewhat like Hal, Hal After we sat in silence
for a while, she suddenly said, speaking rapidly: I feel I could shoot my gun. What was that?
I asked, having no clue as to what her words meant. She then explained, Well, that was just a
shortened form of saying I feel so blue I could shoot myself with a gun. We spent the next
couple of minutes struggling to control our laughter.
We reached Gangtok at 8 in the night. But, instead of going home straightaway, we had dinner
together at Mount Simvo. Afterwards we made our way to Nightout, the newly-opened hotspot
that was becoming very popular with the youth of Gangtok.
Remi was a bit tired and did not feel like dancing. So, we sat cheek to cheek on a couch in the
corner, watching the antics of the young boys and girls on the dance floor. However, when the
Joshua Kadison song You Will Always Be Beautiful In My Eyes came drifting over the
speakers, nothing could hold us back any longer. We got up together as of one accord, and
holding hands, headed straight to the dance floor where we swayed together in time with the
music.
When there are lines upon my face from a lifetime of smiles,
When the time comes to embrace for one long last while,
We can laugh about how time really flies.
We wont say goodbye cause true love never dies.
Youll always be beautiful in my eyes.
You will always be beautiful in my eyes.
And the passing years will show
That you will always grow
Ever more beautiful in my eyes. We embraced so tightly on hearing these lines that our bodies
8

appeared melded together. We could not have enough of it, and had to ask the disc jockey to play
the song again three more times.
We finally reached their porch way past midnight. I thought wed have to go inside straightaway,
but Remi had other ideas. Lets sit outside for a while, she suggested. When we were seated on
the bench in their backyard, she kept her eyes mostly downwards, nervously licking her lips and
stealing occasional glances at me from beneath her locks. My, her beauty stands out even in the
midst of this beautiful world that God has created. Finally, she said, Im going to tell you the
truth about myself. But first, I need you to promise me something in the name of love.
What kind of promise is it?
I need you to promise me that you would fulfil whatever I ask of you.
Even before you ask, Ive already promised to fulfil whatever you ask.
Wait, it might not be that easy.
I give you my word in the name of love.
Since you appear to be a man of your word, Ill tell you then. The month before we met, I was
hospitalised in STNM Hospital because of a chronic cough and a persistent fever that would not
subside.
I heard about that from Sonam.
At first, the doctors thought I had pneumonia. Since I did not make any progress in spite of the
medicines and treatment, they conducted a lymph-node biopsy and diagnosed that I had
pulmonary carcinoma, that is, lung cancer. The cancer originally started from the right lung and
had spread rather wide. And theres no point in going for surgery now as it has already affected
my lymph nodes. I even overheard the doctor telling my father that I would, at the most, live
another 5 or 6 months. So were leaving for Siliguri tomorrow, from where well proceed to
Kolkata for chemotherapy.
I gritted my teeth, reluctant to come to terms with what she said. Finally, as in a daze, I numbly
said, Youre joking, right?
Im not very good at telling jokes. But if I were to tell one, Im sure I could manage something
funnier, was all she replied.
When I looked more closely at her in the light emanating from the halogen lamp in front of the
church building next door, I could see that her eyes had sunk much deeper than when we first
met. Unable to choose the right thing to say as my mind was filled with so many things, I just
stood speechless when she opened her mouth again:
You entered my life when it was at its lowest ebb. I enjoyed your company, and discovered a
9

strange peace and calm whenever I am by your side. Being a selfish person, I could not bear to
tell you my real condition right away. But when things started getting serious between us, I
realised that I could spoil your entire life. So I tried anew to stop it. I tried to drive you away,
even though it was my hearts desire to be with you always. I went into hiding, when all I really
wanted was to hold you in a tight embrace. I was fully aware that you might even consider me
haughty; yet I tried to stay away, thinking that it would be in your best interest. I even tried to
suppress my love for you; and that was one of the toughest things Ive ever attempted. As you
can see, I failed, and that too, miserably. Even though weve known each other for only a short
time, I never knew that I could be this happy and that I would commit my entire being to one
person.
A short while from now, my body would begin to waste away and a time will come when Im
nothing more than skin and bones. All my hair would be gone, any beauty I might have had worn
away, with me requiring help even for the simplest of tasks. But I dont want you to see me in
such a pitiful state. I would like to live on with you at least in your memory, and I want you to
preserve memories of the days when I have some semblance of comeliness and were happy
together. If I can be assured that I would live on in your heart in that manner, I would joyfully
walk through deaths dark vale. So, I beg you to stay away from now on, and never even try to
meet me or enquire about me. If youd like to, you may put flowers on my grave afterwards. And
if you really love me like you said, I am sure you would fulfil my wishes as you promised.
Tears rolled down her cheeks as she spoke, and I also had to blink away quite a few.
It required no herculean effort to feel a love that yearns to be with her. But it would require love
of a different level altogether to make me stay away indefinitely.
Dont you think that love can work miracles? I asked her.
I do not just think of it; I know it does. Your love has already given me the strength and courage
to face the hard times ahead.
I love you. So dont even think for a moment that I would leave you alone at the worst of times.
Oh, how hard it is for you to understand! It is because of your love that I want you to leave me
now. A short while from now, the unstoppable hand of death will take away my body. But I shall
remain yours forever. If you see me rotting away day by day, that is how I would live on in your
memory, and I dont want you to remember me like that. Leave me now, so that even death shall
have no reason to be proud and boastful over us.
Do you love me, then?
Yes, my love for you is of the highest degree that love can attain. I will love you till my last
breath. She inhaled deeply for a couple of times, and with tears streaming down her cheeks,
recited this last line from a sonnet by Elizabeth Barrett in a feeble voice: if God choose, I
shall but love thee better after death. She collapsed on my chest, her body shaking violently
with suppressed cry, trembling uncontrollably. Finally she could no longer hold it in and bawled
her head off. We then kissed for a long time. And our tears mingled as they ran down our cheeks.
10

Through gritted teeth, I asked her once again, Is that what you really want?
Yes, my love. That is what I want. She sobbed uncontrollably.
I took off suddenly without anything so much as a backward glance. Yet, I do not even know
what made me run so hard. After running for a long time, I stopped at an isolated hillock on the
outskirts of town, and then yelled at the top of my voice. But the only response I received was
the echo of my own voice. I have no idea how long I stood there; in fact, I dont even know if
theres anything at all that I still do know. I stared for a long time in the distance, at the rays of
the rising sun slowly lighting up Kanchendzonga peak. Humanity longs for the dawning of a new
day, hoping that it would drive away all the sorrow, suffering and pain of the night. However, the
new day that was dawning held no new promise for me. Tired and weary, dazed and confused,
abandoned and forsaken, there I stood drained of all energy, lethargic, befuddled and
apprehensive of what the future holds.
If indeed love has gone, it surely went away with Remi.
******

11