What Being Transgender Means

When we think of ourselves as male or female, it's called gender identity. Everyone has a gender
identity the inborn sense of ourselves as being male or female.
Most people's gender identity matches their anatomy. But those who are transgender feel different
from their physical appearances.
What society expects of men, women, boys, and girls also affects what we feel about ourselves.
Every culture has "rules" about what is expected for men and what is expected for women. These
expectations can include things like hairstyles, clothing, and jobs and how people should act or
behave.
Society doesn't have to state these rules because we see them all over. So most people grow up
believing men should act a certain way and women should act a certain way without thinking about
it much. Transgender people, though, have a very different sense of themselves.
Some transgender people know they feel "different" from the time they're young children. Others
start sensing it around puberty or even later. When people who are transgender become aware
that they feel mismatched with their bodies, they may feel confused and emotionally conflicted.
Transgender people who are born as boys feel they should be female, and those who are born as
girls feel they should be male. People who are transgender feel like they're living inside a body
that's all wrong for them. They often say they feel "trapped in someone else's body."
Some decide to physically change their bodies through surgery or taking hormones to match
the gender they feel they really are. Physically becoming the opposite gender can be a long,
complicated, and expensive process.
Not all transgender people decide to get surgery or hormones, though. Some are most comfortable
keeping their physical anatomy but dressing as the opposite gender. Some aren't completely sure
what they want yet, but may start by asking to be called a new name and use the pronouns that go
with that name (such as "Amanda" instead of "Anthony" and "she" instead of "he").
http://kidshealth.org/parent/positive/talk/transgender.html
Gires explaining to children
Your Mum is about to go on an adventure. You know, before we are born, whilst we are still in our
Mums tummies, we grow into little boys and little girls. You can tell, as soon as a baby is born
whether it is a boy or a girl because we all understand that boys have a penis and girls have a
vagina. So we can all tell the difference between boys and girls. We expect boys to grow up to be
men and, possibly, Dads; we expect girls to grow up to be women and, possibly, Mums. And its not
just on the outside that we all grow into boys and girls, and later, men and women, but on inside as
well, in the way that we feel about ourselves. It shows in the games we like to play and the friends
we choose and the clothes we wear. But there are ways in which we are all special and different
from each other as well. And your Mum is a very special person. There are only a few people who
are special in the way that your Mum is, so you wont meet them very often.
Firstly, you need to understand that the way we all think and learn and feel is in the brain, which is
in the head; this is the place which tells us whether we are sad or happy or excited, and it is also
the place that tells us whether we feel like a boy or feel like a girl. So whilst your Mum was still in
her Mums tummy, the outside of her body was growing into a girl, but, because shes special,
inside she was growing to be like a boy. By the time she was born, although she looked like a girl
on the outside, deep inside herself, she began to realise that she wasnt really a girl through and
through. She has tried hard all her life to be a girl and a woman, inside as well as outside, but she
cant change who she is inside. She is not ill, but she doesnt feel like a whole, complete person
and so she really needs to change her outside into a man, to match her inside, so that is the
adventure that she is going on.
The important thing to remember is that, no matter what happens, your Mum still loves you and
always will. You will notice that she begins to look different and dress differently, but she will still

love you. You will gradually get used to calling her him, and he and using a different name - a
mans name. That will be difficult at first but your Mum will still love you. So, although he wont look
quite the same, he will still be the same person inside and he will still love you. And he needs you
to love him too.
http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/mums-adventure.pdf
GIRES transphobic bullying
School staff may find it helpful to know of research, which shows that:
2 transsexual parents can remain effective parents and that children understand and empathise
with their transsexual parent. . . gender identity confusion does not occur (as a result of the
relationship with a transsexual parent)[7].
2 Children of transsexual parents are not themselves likely to develop features of gender
dysphoria, nor do they experience mental health problems associated with gender identity
disorder[8].
2 Similarly, the long term evidence of children raised by same-sex couples demonstrates that
quality of parenting is far more significant for childrens psychological well-being than whether they
are being raised in one type of family or another[9].
The following case example illustrates the problems that transphobia causes in school for the
children of transgender parents. Stephanie (not real name) was constantly bullied in her village
school because both of her parents were trans people: a trans man, her birth mother, and a trans
woman, who had been the only mum she had known since the age of four. To avoid the bullying,
her parents had to move her to a boarding school far away, where nobody was told of their
transsexual history.
A parent reported: Identifying as a trans woman, my own children have been subjected to
transphobic bullying at school. One particular boy used to keep teasing and provoking my second
eldest son so much about my trans status that eventually he retaliated and thumped him. Hence
he was excluded from school for two weeks. When challenged the school denied it had a problem
with transphobic behaviour. . . . the problem eventually escalated so much that all my children
became targets, being spat at, stones thrown at them, bullied etc.
However, there are positive stories. One trans woman reports that after her primary school child
told her teacher about her parents change of gender role the response was Whats her favourite
colour?.
http://www.gires.org.uk/assets/Schools/TransphobicBullying.pdf
OFSTED
Exploring the schools actions to prevent homophobic and transphobic bullying
1. Inspectors should make sure that questions are age-appropriate and asked in the right
context.
2. 2. With primary pupils inspectors might explore whether:
pupils ever hear anyone use the word gay when describing something, or whether they have
been told by teachers that using the word gay, to mean something is rubbish, is wrong, scary or
unpleasant and why it is wrong
pupils ever get picked on by other children for not behaving like a typical girl or a typical boy
pupils have had any lessons about different types of families (single parent, living with
grandparents, having step-parents, having two mums or two dads)
pupils think if there is someone born a girl who would rather be a boy, or born a boy who would
like to be a girl, they would feel safe at school and be included.
4. With senior leaders, and when looking at documentary evidence, inspectors might explore:
whether they are aware of any instances of homophobic or transphobic language in
school, whether this is recorded and how it is acted upon
whether there is any homophobic language used against staff. Exploring the schools actions to
prevent homophobic bullying 4 September 2013, No. 120181
whether the schools bullying and safeguarding policies and equality objectives address gender

identity and sexuality

whether training has been provided for staff in how to tackle homophobic/transphobic bullying,
including language
whether the school has taken any action to ensure that provision meets the needs of lesbian,
gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) pupils, for example in sex and relationships education and
other aspects of PSHE, including providing age-appropriate advice and guidance
how the school seeks to support LGBT pupils and those from LGBT families
whether policies promote safety for all groups of pupils regardless of sexuality or gender
identity, including the use of language
whether there is specific mention of gender identity and sexuality in the equality, diversity,
behaviour and bullying policies
whether policies include reference to carers as well as parents.
5. With governors inspectors might explore:
6. how the school meets its statutory duty to prevent all forms of prejudice-based bullying,
including homophobia and transphobia
7. whether they are aware of any homophobic/transphobic bullying or language in school
and whether incidents are followed up effectively
8. how they ensure that sexuality and gender equality are covered within the schools
behaviour guidelines and policies.
http://www.each.education/wordpress/wpcontent/uploads/2012/02/exploring_schls_actions_to_prevnt_homophbc_bullyng_sept_2013_1.pdf
Stonewall; working with faith communities
Example of an Anti-Bullying policy In this Catholic School, education is part of the Churchs mission
to proclaim that:
God the Father made us
God the Son redeemed us
God the Spirit keeps us in His Love
Our aim is to grow as a community in the love of God who is revealed to us through his Word in the
Bible and in the traditions of the Church. We believe that:
We are all unique,
created in Gods image
and called to work for the common good.
BULLYING AND HOMOPHOBIC BULLYING
Bullying is taken seriously in our school and our active approach to dealing with the issues is
detailed in our Anti-Bullying policy. Evidence of homophobic bullying suggests that young people
who are, or who are perceived to be gay or lesbian face a higher risk of victimisation than their
peers. It is also the form of bullying that is least likely to be self-reported. We have a legal duty to
ensure that homophobic bullying is dealt with (Education and Inspections Act 2006) At our school
we:
Ensure that homophobic language by adults or young people will not be tolerated in school
Invoke anti-bullying procedures appropriately
Are proactive in promoting equalities and diversity
Example of an Anti-bullying policy
PRINCIPLES: My commandment is this: love one another just as I love you. John 15:12.
Our principles for good behaviour, including the prevention and management of bullying, are based
on the aims of our school. In particular to lead those in our care to grow in their faith and to benefit
from an enriching education we believe that:
Our Christian faith teaches us that each person is made in the image of God and therefore
bullying is unacceptable.
Pupils develop best in a secure environment, free from intimidation.
Pupils who bully should be identified and challenged to make best use of their God-given talents.
Working closely with the families of the victim and aggressor will help both parties. OBJECTIVES:
We will achieve our aims by setting out clear guidelines for:

 Support and guidance for the victims of bullying

Procedures for dealing with bullying
All members of the school community to be alert for signs of bullying and to act promptly
Recording responses to bullying
Defining and understanding the concepts of bullying
Publishing a school definition of bullying
Ensuring within the wider school curriculum, we organise through reflection on and education
about bullying and effective inter-personal relations.
An understanding of the nature and offensiveness of racist, sexist and homophobic bullying as
integral elements within our approach to dealing with bullying.
http://www.stonewall.org.uk/documents/working_with_faith_communities.pdf
St Johns Catholic Primary School
EQUALITY AND DIVERSITY POLICY
Equality means ensuring people are treated fairly, giving them equal access to services and
employment. Diversity is about valuing differences, whatever an individuals background. We will
consider equality and diversity across the nine protected characteristics: age, disability, gender
reassignment, marriage and civil partnership, pregnancy and maternity, race, religion or belief, sex,
and sexual orientation, and will give protection from discrimination, harassment and victimisation.
We will go beyond these protected characteristics and include social economic status as we
recognise that there are disparities across our City and within our communities. Our policies and
procedures are intended to promote fairness for all and reinforce our commitment to tackling
inequalities wherever they exist and to eradicating the unacceptable treatment of any person.
The Equality Act 2010 brought together over 116 separate pieces of legislation into one single Act.
The Act simplifies, strengthens and harmonises previous legislation creating new discrimination
law which protects individuals from unfair treatment and promotes a fair and more equal society.
Where possible, we will try to exceed the demands of the law in our work in delivering equality. The
Equality Act 2010 establishes both a general duty and specific duties for public bodies like St
Johns C P School. In summary, those subject to the Public Sector Equality Duty must, in the
exercise of their functions, have due regard to the need to:
eliminate unlawful discrimination, harassment, victimisation and other conduct prohibited by the
Act;
advance equality of opportunity between people who share a protected characteristic and those
who do not; and
foster good relations between people who share a protected characteristic and those who do
not. The Act explains that due regard for advancing equality involves: removing or minimising
disadvantages experienced by people due to their protected characteristics;
taking steps to meet the needs of people from protected groups where these are different from
the needs of other people; and encouraging people from protected groups to participate in public
life or in other activities where their participation is disproportionately low.
Aims and Objectives: St Johns Catholic Primary School aims to ensure that:
We do not discriminate against anyone, be they staff or pupil on the grounds of their sex, race,
colour, religion, nationality, ethnic or national origins.
We will promote the principles of fairness and justice for all through the education that we
provide in our school.
All pupils have equal access to the full range of educational opportunities provided by the
school. We constantly strive to remove any forms of indirect discrimination that may form
barriers to learning.
All recruitment, employment, promotion and training systems are fair to all, and provide
opportunities for everyone to achieve. We challenge stereotyping and prejudice whenever it
occurs.
We celebrate the cultural diversity of our community and show respect for all minority groups.
We are aware that prejudice and stereotyping is caused by low self-image and ignorance. Through
positive educational experiences and support for each individuals point of view, we aim to promote

positive social attitudes and respect for all.

There is zero tolerance for any form of racism or racist behaviour.
Should anyone at our school be a victim of racism, we will do all we can to support that person
in overcoming any difficulties they may have.
Our school is welcoming to all minority groups. To promote an understanding of different
cultures through the topics studied by the children, and we reflect this in the displays of work
shown around the school.
Our curriculum reflects the attitudes, values and respect that we have for minority ethnic groups.
Gender Identity/Gender Reassignment: St Johns C P School acknowledges that trans people face
disadvantage and discrimination, including institutional discrimination, because of their trans
identity. Trans (or transgender) is an umbrella term used by people whose gender identity and/or
gender expression differs from their birth sex. The term includes, but is not limited to, transsexual
people and others who define as gender-variant.
Trans people may or may not choose to alter their bodies hormonally and/or surgically, known as
gender reassignment or transition6. They often face ridicule, harassment, hatred and violence.
Trans issues can vary when combined with age, disability, marital status, pregnancy, maternity,
family or caring circumstances, race, religion or belief, sex or sexual orientation.
St Johns Catholic Primary School will work to meet the specific needs of trans or transgender
people by:
Providing appropriate advice and support to service users and staff undergoing gender
reassignment.
Treating trans people with respect and dignity including by ensuring staff are polite ad respectful
and use terms that acknowledge identity as a man or woman regardless of how far a trans
persons transition has progressed.
Encouraging and creating an environment in which its workforce and citizens can feel confident
in reporting incidents of trans harassment and victimisation, in full knowledge that any such
incidents will be addressed fully and effectively.
https://www.google.co.uk/url?
sa=t&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=0CCQQFjAA&url=http%3A%2F
%2Fwww.stjohnskirkdale.co.uk%2Fattachments%2Fdownload.asp%3Ffile%3D52%26type
%3Dpdf&ei=rKDHVLG3FoqAUZPwgrgL&usg=AFQjCNHfTTkbu_UoUJP4r8mjn8Cp5uILNA&sig2=l
mhH3M_gGLusgZIKQnAKrA&bvm=bv.84349003,d.d24
Department of education; Preventing and tackling bullying
Intervention
Schools should apply disciplinary measures to pupils who bully in order to show clearly that their
behaviour is wrong. Disciplinary measures must be applied fairly, consistently, and reasonably
taking account of any special educational needs or disabilities that the pupils may have and taking
into account the needs of vulnerable pupils. It is also important to consider the motivations behind
bullying behaviour and whether it reveals any concerns for the safety of the perpetrator. Where this
is the case the child engaging in bullying may need support themselves. The organisations listed in
the further resources section provide a range of practical resources for schools to help staff
Successful schools also:
involve parents to ensure that they are clear that the school does not tolerate bullying and are
aware of the procedures to follow if they believe that their child is being bullied. Parents feel
confident that the school will take any complaint about bullying seriously and resolve the issue in a
way that protects the child, and they reinforce the value of good behaviour at home
involve pupils. All pupils understand the schools approach and are clear about the part they can
play to prevent bullying, including when they find themselves as bystanders
regularly evaluate and update their approach to take account of developments in technology, for
instance updating acceptable use policies for computers
implement disciplinary sanctions. The consequences of bullying reflect the seriousness of the
incident so that others see that bullying is unacceptable

 openly discuss differences between people that could motivate bullying, such as religion,
ethnicity, disability, gender or sexuality. Also children with different family situations, such as looked
after children or those with caring responsibilities. Schools can also teach children that using any
prejudice based language is unacceptable
use specific organisations or resources for help with particular problems. Schools can draw on
the experience and expertise of anti-bullying organisations with a proven track record and/or
specialised expertise in dealing with certain forms of bullying provide effective staff training. Antibullying policies are most effective when all school staff understand the principles and purpose of
the schools policy, its legal responsibilities regarding bullying, how to resolve problems, and where
to seek support. Schools can invest in specialised skills to help their staff understand the needs of
their pupils, including those with special educational needs and/or disability (SEND) and lesbian,
gay, bisexual and transgender (LGB&T) pupils
work with the wider community such as the police and childrens services where bullying is
particularly serious or persistent and where a criminal offence may have been committed.
Successful schools also work with other agencies and the wider community to tackle bullying that
is happening outside school
make it easy for pupils to report bullying so that they are assured that they will be listened to and
incidents acted on. Pupils should feel that they can report bullying which may have occurred
outside school including cyber-bullying
create an inclusive environment. Schools should create a safe environment where pupils can
openly discuss the cause of their bullying, without fear of further bullying or discrimination
Department of education; Equality act advice
The Act deals with the way in which schools treat their pupils and prospective pupils: the
relationship between one pupil and another is not within its scope. It does not therefore bear
directly on such issues as racist or homophobic bullying by pupils. However, if a school treats
bullying which relates to a protected ground less seriously than other forms of bullying for
example dismissing complaints of homophobic bullying or failing to protect a transgender pupil
against bullying by classmates then it may be guilty of unlawful discrimination.
It is unlawful to discriminate because of the sex, race, disability, religion or belief, sexual orientation
or gender reassignment of another person with whom the pupil is associated. So, for example, a
school must not discriminate by refusing to admit a pupil because his parents are gay men or
lesbians. It would be race discrimination to treat a white pupil less favourably because she has a
black boyfriend.
2.19 The issue of bullying motivated by prejudice is a particularly sensitive issue.
Although the relationship between one pupil and another is not within the scope of the
Act (see paragraph 1.7), schools need to ensure that all forms of prejudice-motivated
bullying are taken seriously and dealt with equally and firmly. 2.20 The Department for
Education has published specific guidance on bullying including homophobic and
transphobic bullying and bullying related to sexual orientation, transgender, disability,
race and religion. This is available on GOV.UK. The Gender Identity Research and
Education Society have published Guidance on Combating Transphobic Bullying in
Schools. And Stonewall have a wealth of material on homophobic bullying on their
website.
Protection from discrimination because of gender reassignment in schools is new for pupils in the
Equality Act, although school staff are already protected. This means that for the first time it will be
unlawful for schools to treat pupils less favourably because of their gender reassignment and that
schools will have to factor in gender reassignment when considering their obligations under the
Equality Duty.
3.4 Gender reassignment is defined in the Equality Act as applying to anyone who is
undergoing, has undergone or is proposing to undergo a process (or part of a process)
of reassigning their sex by changing physiological or other attributes. This definition
means that in order to be protected under the Act, a pupil will not necessarily have to be
undertaking a medical procedure to change their sex but must be taking steps to live in
the opposite gender, or proposing to do so. A glossary of terminology related to the

transgender field can be found on the Gender Identity Research and Education Society
website.
3.5 The protection against discrimination because of gender reassignment now matches
the protection because of sexual orientation in schools. That is protection from direct
and indirect discrimination and victimisation, which includes discrimination based on
perception (see 1.11) and on association (see 1.10). Schools need to make sure that all
gender variant pupils, or the children of transgender parents, are not singled out for
different and less favourable treatment from that given to other pupils. They should
check that there are no practices which could result in unfair, less favourable treatment
of such pupils. For example, it would be unlawful discrimination for a teacher to single
out a pupil undergoing gender
3.6 reassignment and embarrass him in front of the class because of this characteristic.
3.6 It is relatively rare for pupils particularly very young pupils to want to undergo
gender reassignment, but when a pupil does so a number of issues will arise which will
need to be sensitively handled. There is evidence that the number of such cases is
increasing and schools should aim to address any issues early on and in a proactive
way. Further guidance is available from the GIRES website see paragraph 2.19 for
links to their bullying guidance. In addition, a partnership of bodies in Cornwall have
produced a useful guidance document for schools and families.
https://www.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/315587/Equality_Act
_Advice_Final.pdf
Welcoming Schools
RESPONDING TO QUESTIONS ABOUT LGBT TOPICS: AN INTERACTIVE SKILL-BUILDING
EXERCISE
LEVEL: Educators. LENGTH OF TIME: 30 60 minutes.
This is an interactive exercise to help participants develop language to respond to questions from
students and adults that may feel challenging. Most of the things we teach about are topics that we
have had practice talking about in school. However, most of us did not grow up talking about LGBT
topics and did not discuss them as part of our professional training as educators. It is difficult to be
articulate about topics that weve never discussed before, and even more so to be articulate about
topics that are often considered controversial and about which many have strong feelings.
Therefore, it is important to practice, practice, practice formulating and articulating answers and
letting thoughts evolve based on current experience and conversations.
Participants will have a wide variety of responses to these questions, including not being able to
find words. It is important that participants feel comfortable enough to try out new vocabulary and
language that initially may feel awkward and uncomfortable. Focus them by starting out talking
about goals. If the process unfolds in the way we want it to, then the less comfortable folks learn
from their more comfortable colleagues and everyone moves forward in their skills and comfort.
MATERIALS: Handout with questions and possible responses. Large paper or a white board and
markers.
ACTIVITY
Introduce the activity by saying that this activity gives participants a chance to practice answering
students questions about LGBT topics. It provides participants an opportunity to reflect on their
own level of comfort and familiarity with various questions that elementary school students might
ask. Most of the schools that we attended did not address how to have these conversations with
students. So we thought wed take some time to practice how to respond. This is really a chance to
practice. There is no pressure to get it right!
First, focus the group by talking about the goals of answering these kinds of questions from
students. Ask people to toss out a few ideas. (For example, stopping hurtful behavior, ensuring all
students families are respected, ensuring students feel included or safe.)
Have participants count off by twos. Have all the ones form a circle facing out, and have all of
the twos form a circle outside the ones facing in. (This can also be done in two lines facing each
other.)
Practice one question and response together as a large group. Then, tell the group they will have
1 to 2 minutes to respond to the next question. Read a question and all the ones have one minute

to share their answer with the twos. You can choose at this point to give the twos a chance to
respond to the same question or ask for a few examples of answers that were generated in the
pairs.
Before reading the next question, the people in the outside circle, the twos, move one person to
the right. The facilitator then reads a new question. This time the twos share their answer with
their partner. (Lines can rotate so that one person goes from the end of the line to the beginning of
the line.)
Continue shifting the circle/lines and answering questions in this way.
Close the activity by asking the group to reflect on all of the response they have offered and
heard. Ask them if there are any overall lessons or strategies that stand out to them. Record these
strategies on large paper or a white board.
SAMPLE QUESTIONS OR STATEMENTS
Choose 4-6 questions for this activity, depending on the topic of the training or topics that you think
the educators may encounter in their schools.
What does gay mean? (When talking with a first-grader? When talking with a fifth-grader?)
You overhear a student say, Thats gay.
I didnt mean anything when I called him gay. We all use that word just to tease each other.
Can two boys or two girls get married?
You overhear a child say, Gay people are bad.
ABOUT FAMILIES WITH GAY OR LESBIAN PARENTS
How can she have two moms? Which one is the real one?
She has two dads? How is that possible? Dont you need a man and a woman to have a baby?
My grandma says its wrong for two men to get married.
ABOUT GENDER
Michael plays with dolls and is always hanging out with girls. Thats weird.
Hes a boy, why does he dress like a girl? Or, if she isnt a boy, why does she look and act like
one?
QUESTIONS OR STATEMENTS FROM PARENTS/GUARDIANS OR COLLEAGUES
Arent the students too young to talk about gay topics? (from a colleague or parent/guardian)
I dont want my child to think that being gay is an OK option for them.
My religion teaches that it is wrong to be gay.
ADDITIONAL RESOURCES FROM WELCOMING SCHOOLS
What Do You Say to Thats So Gay (a one-page handout)
What Does Gay Mean? (a one-page handout)
Be Prepare for Questions and Put-downs on Gender
Yes, They are a Family.
Can Two Women or Two Men Get Married?
Definitions for Students on LGBT Topics
PRACTICING RESPONSES TO QUESTIONS ABOUT LGBT TOPICS (Sample responses are in
italics)
What does gay mean? (When talking with a first-grader? When talking with a fifth-grader?)
Clarifying the context of the question will help frame your answer. Is the student asking because
they heard it as a putdown or are they asking because they heard someones dad is gay? A
discussion with elementary-age students about the meanings of gay or lesbian is a discussion
about love and relationships. If a student heard it as a put-down, be clear that it is a mean or hurtful
thing to say.
The word gay is used to describe a man and a man or a woman and a woman, who love each
other and want to be family to each other.
The word gay refers to a man who falls in love with another man in a romantic way or a woman
who falls in love with another woman in a romantic way. Sometimes people use the word just to
refer to a man who loves another man in a romantic way. Gay, however, can refer to both men
and women.
You overhear a student say, Thats Gay or Fag! Or, I didnt mean anything when I called him
gay. We all use that word just to tease each other. Its not OK to use gay or fag as put-downs or
in a negative way. Dont ignore it. Many children use the word gay to mean stupid or weird
because that is the only way they have heard it used. Often students dont know what it really

means. This is a good time to take the opportunity to explore that.

You may not have meant to hurt anyone, but saying Thats gay can hurt those around you. Do
you know what gay means?
Its not ok to use that word/phrase as a put-down in our school.
Do you know what gay means?
In the future I expect you to use that word respectfully and not in a hurtful way.
Can two boys or two girls get married?
In some places women can marry women and men can marry men. In some places, they cant.
Whether they are married or not, two people who love each other can live together, take care of
one another and be a family.
No, children cant get married! Grown-ups, on the other hand, create families in many ways.
Many grown-ups live their lives in couples and take care of one another. Being married is one way
to do this.
How can she have two moms? Which one is the real one?
If you have a child with two dads or two moms in your classroom, it is helpful to know how his or
her parents talk about their family. This information will help you respond to other students
questions. Dont offer up information about adoption or children born in previous relationships
unless you know that the child and family readily offer up that information. Be careful about making
assumptions about a students family.
They both are. Both moms take care of her and love her. There are all kinds of families. Some
have two moms, some have two dads, some have one mom or dad and some have a mom and a
dad. Some children are raised by other caring adults such as grandparents, other relatives or
guardians. Whats important is to have adults who love and care for you
How can he have two dads? Dont you need a mom and a dad to make a baby?
In most elementary grades you can steer the answer to a discussion of family and say something
like:
Children come into families in many different ways sometimes through birth, sometimes
through adoption. Children are raised in many different ways. Some have two dads, some a mom
and a dad. Whats important is to have adults who love and care for you.
In older elementary grades, a question like this may come up in a health lesson as it could also
refer to how babies are made. It is better not to avoid the question. However, you can answer it
simply that you do need an egg and a sperm to make a baby but biological parents dont always
raise children. However, children come in to families in different ways such as adoption. Then, you
could move on to children being raised in different kinds of families.
My grandma says its wrong for two women to have children.
The goal in answering this question is not to put-down a students grandmother. At the same time,
you might want to imagine how your response will sound to a student in earshot who has two
moms.
People have lots of different ideas about families. Your grandma is not the only one who thinks
that but in this school we respect all families
There are many kinds of families. Some have a mom and a dad. Some have two moms. Some
have one mom or one dad.
There are many different opinions about families. In this school we respect all families that love
and care for their children. Making sure children are well-cared-for is what is important. I have met
all kinds of healthy, happy families.
Michael plays with dolls and is always hanging out with girls. Thats weird.
I encourage all boys and girls to play together.
Michael hangs out with friends who he likes to spend time with, just like you do.
I dont believe there are girls toys or boys toys. Everyone should play with the toys they like to
play with.
Its true that some boys dont like to play with dolls but some boys do! Just like some of you like
to draw and some of you dont and some of you like to play kickball and others dont. No one

should have to pick and choose what they do just because they are a boy or a girl.
But hes a boy, why does he dress like a girl? Or If she isnt a boy, why does she look and act
like one all the time?
If you know that a student entering your class presents as a different gender than the students
biological sex, check out some of the additional resources on the Welcoming Schools website to
help give you the background to work with the student and family.
Because that is what (he or she) likes to wear? Why do you have on the clothes that you have
on?
There are lots of different ways that boys can dress and lots of different ways that girls can dress.
Some boys like to wear pink or to have long hair. All of these things are OK in our school.
There are many ways of being a boy (girl), and all are okay ways of being a boy (girl).
Those are the kinds of clothes that he likes to wear? Why do you like to wear what youre
wearing?
Sandy has always felt like a girl deep down inside. So that is just the way she likes to dress.
You overhear a student say, Gay people are bad.
You could ask that student why he or she thinks that. You also could check to see if the student
knows what gay means. Depending on the response, you may first have to define what gay or
lesbian means. This could also be an opportunity to dispel stereotypes and the notion of a category
of people being all bad or all good. It is also an opportunity to reaffirm that we respect all people in
our classroom. Saying that a group of people are bad is hurtful not only to people who are gay and
to students who may have relatives or friends who are gay, but also to anyone who cares about not
hurting other peoples feelings.
TALKING WITH PARENTS/GUARDIANS
Thank them for coming to talk with you. Ask questions about their concerns and what they heard.
What did Louis tell you we talked about in class? Why do you think children are too young to talk
about gay people? Dont engage in religious debates.
Arent the students too young to talk about gay topics?
In elementary school, learning the meaning of gay or lesbian can come up in a couple of
contexts families, name-calling and current events.
Students often use the word gay to mean that something is stupid, or they use it as a put-down
for a boy whom they think is not acting masculine enough. However, they often dont know what
gay actually means. We are teaching the students to understand the words they are using or
hearing. We are talking about not hurting classmates and others with our words.
For example, we may be talking about the mothers or fathers of one of our students or we may
be looking at a book that shows a child with two moms or two dads. If we are defining the word for
students, we are talking about adult relationships.
Students also see the words like gay or lesbian in headlines at the grocery store checkout
counter. They overhear them in the news. Then they come into class and ask what they mean.
Talking about families and caring adults that love each other is appropriate.
I dont want my child to think that being gay is an OK option for them.
Information and discussion about gay and lesbian people will not make anyone gay or straight.
Knowing or learning about gay people, however, might make someone less likely to insult or
threaten someone he or she thinks is gay. Hopefully it will help our students not allow a friend to be
bullied or ostracized for having a gay or lesbian parent.
Knowing someone who is gay will not make you gay. People who are gay or lesbian know a lot of
people who are not gay or lesbian but that hasnt changed who they are.
My religion teaches that it is wrong to be gay.
Schools include people with many different religious beliefs. Some religious organizations support
inclusion of LGBT people, and some dont. The role of schools is not to get everyone to agree but
to foster a climate where there is respect for the diversity of beliefs and families within a
community. Respect is built by acknowledging the diversity in the community, promoting

opportunities for community dialogue and allowing the diversity of families to be visible within the
school. Most people can agree that it is appropriate for schools to teach kindness and mutual
respect for everyones beliefs.
http://www.hrc.org/welcoming-schools/documents/Welcoming_Schools_Starter_Kit.pdf
CHIPS lesson plans on family and diversity
http://www.ellybarnes.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/CHIPS-Volume-4-Jan-2015.pdf
FURTHER RESOURCES
http://www.each.education/resources/
http://www.gires.org.uk/schools.php
http://www.schools-out.org.uk/
http://www.lgbtqyouthcornwall.co.uk/images/TransGuidance/CornwallSchoolsTransgenderGuidanc
e.pdf