MY EX IS BACK

Pilot
Written by
Gabriela Roman

171 Chapter Road NW2 5LJ

London
07939976352
gabi_mroman@hotmail.com

CHARACTERS:
MIA - late 20s, Alexs ex girlfriend, works with Ryan and
Morgan, insolent, goofy, sometimes acts like a child.
ALEX - late 20s, Mias ex boyfriend, graphic designer,
uptight, unable to relax in some situations, lives with Matt
in an apartment in London.
MORGAN - late 20s, Mias friend and coworker, passionate,
beautiful, has a hot attitude, bisexual.
RYAN - late 20s, Mias friend and coworker, gay, sometimes
makes mean comments, says what comes to his mind.
MATT - late 20s, Alexs roommate, easygoing, lazy, lives in
his own world, has a good heart.

2.

COLD OPEN
INT. ALEXS LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Rain runs on an apartment window. The back of two guys
playing video game through the open kitchen. Doorbell. ALEX
and MATT, both late twenties, look at each other because
none of them wants to get up to open it. They continue
playing. The doorbell rings again. Matt gives up, walks
slowly to the door and opens it. On the other side, is MIA,
Alex ex girlfriend, who is wet because of the rain. She is
carrying one big suitcase.
MATT
Hey, whats up?
ALEX
(yelling from the couch)
Who is it?
MIA
I am not sure he is going to...
MATT
(yelling to Alex)
It is your girlfriend!
Alex runs to the door.
MIA
(ending the sentence)
... like my visit.
ALEX
I dont have one.
MATT
Girlfriend, ex girlfriend. People
want to label every relation. Lets
just enjoy life, guys.
MIA
I called.
ALEX
Yes, and you told me we could meet
someday.
MIA
(a little awkward)
Someday. Yay!

3.

MATT
Do you want to get in?
ALEX
Not before she explains what she is
doing here.
MIA
(lying)
I was near the neighborhood. And I
thought I could make a surprise.
MATT
It was totally surprising.
Specially because you were hanging
out with that suitcase. It must be
heavy.
ALEX
She is lying.
Matt looks disappointed.
ALEX (CONTD)
(to Mia)
What happened?
MIA
Well, about that... I got kicked
out.
ALEX
(mad)
What?
MATT
(loud)
She got kicked out.
MIA
I wouldnt be here if I had another
place to go.
ALEX
Well, you should have thought about
that before you broke up with me.
MIA
Are you really going to do this,
Alex? I need your help. I am
freezing out here.

4.

ALEX
You are in the hallway. You are not
out of anywhere.
MATT
I really think you two should chill
a little bit.
MIA
If there is something I am right
now, it is chilled.
ALEX
Okay, Mia, come in.
Mia gets inside the apartment and walks analyzing the living
room and the kitchen. There is one light bulb missing, the
faucet is leaking and the wall mounted table is slumped
forward.
MIA
(looking around)
You still dont know how to fix
things, dont you?
ALEX
Are you really going to complain?
MIA
Not at all.
END OF COLD OPEN

5.

ACT ONE
INT. ALEXS LIVING ROOM - NIGHT - A LITTLE LATER
Mia is seated on the couch under a blanket, Alex is on the
other couch and Matt is bringing three hot chocolates for
them.
MATT
(loud and happilly)
Who wants hot chocolate?
No one seems really excited with the chocolate but Matt
handles one each and sits next to Mia.
MIA
Thanks, Matt.
MATT
You look great, Mia.
MIA
(laughing)
So, you enjoyed the wet look.
MATT
Oh, yeah, I really like that look
on women, specially if they are
wearing a white t-shirt and...
ALEX
Okay, Matt. I dont think you need
to describe the picture that much.
Alex and Mia looks at Matt and he is still dreaming with the
picture he just described.
ALEX
(to Mia)
I am sorry, but I have to ask. How
did you get kicked out? You had a
great job.
MIA
Well... First I was fired. Then, I
didnt pay my rent. And only then,
I had to leave the apartment. But I
am working freelancer now. In
events.

6.

ALEX
That is nice.
MIA
I can also fix things... and stay
in line for the next iPhone,
anything, really. Just call me, and
I can send you a budget.
MATT
Budget is a funny word.
ALEX
I am sure it is.
(to Mia)
Did you find a place to stay?
MIA
Well... I brought a suitcase for a
reason.
MATT
(excited)
Do you want to stay, Mia?
ALEX
(mad)
Do you want to stay here, Mia?
MATT
Its going to be awesome, the three
of us playing video game, laughing,
drinking hot chocolate, besides I
always wanted to have a woman as my
roommate. Please, Alex. I want to
keep her.
ALEX
We dont have enough space and its
going to be really weird. For both
of us.
MATT
Having a homeless ex girlfriend
might be worst. I saw a TV show
once...
MIA
I understand, it is fine. I still
have some money. It was to help
with the bills, but I am going to
look somewhere else. Cheap. And
far.

7.
Mia stands up and starts to leave.
MATT
(talking quietly to Alex)
She can sleep in my room, I wont
bother.
Alex thinks for a moment.
ALEX
Mia. You can stay.
INT. ALEXS LIVING ROOM - DAY
Alex is playing video game with Matt, but when he hears Mia
getting out of the bedroom he runs and pretends to be fixing
the faucet. Mia is dressed as Beauty (Beauty and the Beast).
MATT
Dude, what are you doing?
ALEX
Good morning, Disney character.
MIA
Good morning, handyman.
Mia looks at Matt.
MIA (CONTD)
And Matt. Did you stay all night
playing this?
MATT
No, we actually...
Matt looks at Alex who is moving and trying to stop him from
telling Mia he wasnt fixing anything. Alex points to the
leaky faucet.
MATT (CONTD)
... were... making... no, washing
our hands. Thats it. We were
washing our hands.
MIA
(to Alex)
He is really weird.
ALEX
Oh, you look completely normal
today.

8.
MIA
This is my new job!
ALEX
Are they opening a Disneyland in
London?
MIA
No, I am going to be the princess
in a birthday party. I told you I
was working in events.
ALEX
And by that I thought you were
working as hostess or waitress in
events.
MIA
Do you want me to fix the leaky
faucet?
ALEX
I know how to do this.
MIA
Just call Mia!
ALEX
That is actually a slogan?
MIA
I am still working on it. But now I
have to go. My carriage is waiting
for me.
Mia leaves.
MATT
Does she really have a carriage?
INT. CAR - DAY
Mia gets inside an expensive car, where RYAN, Mias gay
friend and coworker, dressed as Prince Phillip (Sleeping
Beauty), and MORGAN, Mias beautiful-model friend and
coworker, dressed as Cinderella, are already seated. The
CHAUFFEUR does also looks like a movie character but it is
his normal outfit.
MIA
Hey! Let me guess today. Morgan is
easy, you are Cinderella. Ryan...
all princes look the same.

9.

RYAN
Oh, honey, they dont.
MIA
Wait, Prince Phillip?
RYAN
It is an honor to meet you, Beauty.
MORGAN
(pointing to the chauffeur)
What character is he?
CHAUFFEUR
I work as a chauffeur for the
Hammer Family.
MORGAN
(thinking)
Hammer Family... I dont remember
that movie.
RYAN
Morgan, this is not a tip, he is a
real chauffeur.
MORGAN
Oh.
MIA
Does anyone knows how is going to
work today? I mean, they hired
Cinderella, Beauty and Phillip?
Where do they meet in fairy tales?
RYAN
Havent you watched Once Upon a
Time?
CHAUFFEUR
I believe you are about to meet the
Evil Queen, then.
RYAN
She is such a diva.
CHAUFFEUR
Well see.
They all look at each other a little tense.

10.

INT. ALEXS KITCHEN - DAY

Alex and Matt are looking at the leaky faucet trying to
figure how to fix it out.
MATT
Shouldnt we call someone to fix
it?
ALEX
No, it is a matter of honor.
MATT
This is going to take the entire
day, then.
ALEX
Why?
MATT
This is not the only broke thing in
the apartment.
ALEX
I didnt know you cared about those
things.
MATT
I dont, I just like to live in a
healthy environment.
ALEX
Why didnt you fix it before, then?
MATT
I dont care enough to actually do
something about it.
ALEX
Whatever. Lets focus. We have to
fix everything before Mia gets
back. How many hours last a kids
party?
MATT
Time is a real relative concept,
dude.
ALEX
(mad)
Oh my God.

11.

MATT
(quickly)
Four to five hours.
EXT. FRONT OF A FANCY HOUSE - DAY
Mia, Morgan and Ryan get out of the car. The birthday kids
MOTHER, a forty gaudy woman, comes in their direction.
MOTHER
Good afternoon to all. How are you
doing?
They open their mouths to answer but she continues.
MOTHER (CONTD)
(pointing to her child inside
the party)
It doesnt matter, because today it
is my childs day. So, you must
know, you have ten minutes to do
whatever you need to do to get
ready, but you cannot be seen
because the kids are insane about
having you here today. And after
that, focus on my child. The other
parents are not paying you, I am.
Oh, and I chose the Happy Birthday
number three.
She goes inside and Mia, Morgan and Ryan stay a little
frozen trying to figure what happened out.
MIA
The chauffeur was right. We just
met the Evil Queen.
RYAN
Thank God, it is not the Evil Queen
that matters. If the kid is happy,
she is going to be happy.
Through the window, they observe the birthday kid, SAM, who
is seven years old and has an androgynous face. It is really
hard to know if Sam is a boy or a girl.
MORGAN
Is it a girl?
MIA
A boy.

12.
RYAN
Its a girl.
MIA
Oh my God. We have to know the
genre of the kid. This is a major
information.
RYAN
Okay, we just have to know its
name. And we have ten minutes for
that, its fine.
MORGAN
Its Sam.
RYAN
That was faster than I imagined.
MIA
How do you know that?
MORGAN
Its written everywhere.
They look at the decoration and the kids name is on napkins,
on the table and at the walls.
MIA
It looks like the Starbucks crew
was here.
RYAN
And Sam doesnt help us at all.
MIA
Ryan, you should know.
RYAN
I am gay, I am not an ultrasound.
And if we follow that logical,
Morgan is bisexual, so she should
know.
MORGAN
Stop this, you know I dont like to
label things.
MIA
We have no time and if we call this
kid she or he and it is not a she
or he, the Evil Queen is going to
kill us.

13.

RYAN
Or worst, not pay us.
MIA
Lets just ask someone.
MORGAN
Are you kidding?
(pretending to talk with
someone else)
Well, excuse me, Sir. Can you
please provide us some information?
Is the kid a boy or a girl?
RYAN
We dont have to freak out, I have
an idea.
END OF ACT ONE

14.

ACT TWO
INT. ALEXS KITCHEN - DAY
Alex and Matt are staring at the leaky faucet.
ALEX
I really have no idea what to do.
MATT
Do you want a hot chocolate?
ALEX
(mad)
No, Matt, I want to fix this!
MATT
Sorry, dude.
Alex keeps looking at the faucet but Matt walks to the couch
and grabs a tablet. He starts to type something.
ALEX
Oh, you are helping a lot.
MATT
Calm down for a second, I am sure
someone teaches that on the
internet.
Alex gets close to Matt, who searches "how to fix a leaky
faucet".
MATT
There are a lot of videos, which
one should I pick?
ALEX
The shortest.
INT. KIDS PARTY - DAY
Mia, Morgan and Ryan enter the party and change completely
their way to behave. In the party they talk softly like
princesses and princes. Half of the kids come screaming in
their direction, but Sam is playing with some friends who
dont.
RYAN
I am feeling like Madonna.

15.

MORGAN
Lady Gaga is much more popular.
RYAN
I am not going to discuss pop stars
with you right now.
MIA
We have to find every kind of
liquid in this party. Soda, water,
juice, anything.
MORGAN
Lets see if Sam can handle not
going to the bathroom drinking all
that.
RYAN
And then, we will discover if he,
she, it is a girl or a boy.
GIRL
(to Mia)
Beauty, did you gain some weight?
You were skinnier when I saw you at
Disney World.
MIA
That is great, honey, do you know
where I can find juice?
Mia goes with the girl to get juice.
BOY
(to Morgan)
You are so much hotter live than on
the movie.
MORGAN
Do you know what would make me
really happy?
BOY
No.
MORGAN
A soda.
The boy leaves to get Morgan a soda. Mia appears with a
juice cup.

16.
RYAN
Those kids are worst each day, a
girl just asked if I want to wake
her up someday. That is disgusting.
The boy handles Morgan her soda.
MORGAN
I am ready.
MIA
I am ready.
Mia and Morgan look to Ryan that doesnt have any liquid in
his hand. Ryan looks at a table and grabs an used, lipstick
stained cup of water.
RYAN
I am ready.
MORGAN
There is Sam. Lets go.
Sam is running with other kids and Mia, Morgan and Ryan try
to reach him.
MIA
Happy birthday, Sam!
RYAN
Today is your day.
SAM
I dont care.
RYAN
Drink some water. It will make you
feel better.
SAM
I am fine, I just want to play with
my friends.
MIA
Juice?
MORGAN
Soda?
SAM
We already have waitresses in this
party, I am fine.
Sam runs with other kids. Mia, Morgan and Ryan stay still.

17.

MIA
So, that didnt work.
RYAN
We might have a problem.
MORGAN
Why?
RYAN
I just remember which Happy
Birthday the Evil Queen chose.
Mia, Morgan and Ryan exchange frightened glances.
INT. ALEXS KITCHEN - DAY
Alex is entering the apartment holding a plastic bag while
Matt is trying to do something with a lot of pencils and
rubber bands.
ALEX
I got the repair kit! Now we can
fix it!
Alex watches Matt.
ALEX (CONTD)
What are you doing?
MATT
While you were gone, I saw "10 DIY
Tablet Accessories".
ALEX
And that would be...
Matt finishes his work and turns to Alex showing it gladly.
MATT
A tablet pencil rubber bands stand!
ALEX
You used my professional pencils?
MATT
Maybe one. But now we can watch the
video and fix the faucet at the
same time.

18.

ALEX
Whatever, we already lost a lot of
time and we still have to fix the
table.
They both run to the kitchen, Matt is holding the stand and
the tablet, he places them on the counter top and starts the
video. On the screen is a bearded guy who introduces himself
and starts to teach how to repair the leaky faucet.
MATT
So, we just have to take the top
off.
ALEX
We need a screwdriver. I dont know
if we have it.
Alex stops the video. He starts to freak out trying to find
the screwdriver everywhere. He opens a lot of drawers, while
Matt opens only a specific one.
ALEX (CONTD)
Oh my God, we dont have time. I
cannot believe we dont have that.
We are not going to finish!
MATT
(handling the screwdriver)
Here, Alex. You are really anxious
about fixing these things. Relax.
ALEX
You are right. We have enough time
and this is really easy.
They continue watching the video.
ALEX (CONTD)
(freaking out again)
Oh my God! I dont think we have...
MATT
(handling him another tool)
Pliers.
ALEX
I am sorry, I will try to relax.
Lets open this faucet.

19.

INT. KIDS PARTY - DAY

Mia, Morgan and Ryan are seated. They look tired. Morgan
looks to a clock on the wall.
MORGAN
We have to decide it. Its almost
Happy Birthday time.
MORGAN
Cant we sing another Happy
Birthday, like two or five? They
wont notice.
The Mother approaches.
MOTHER
Lets go. Remember, Happy Birthday
number three.
RYAN
(to Mia and Morgan)
I think she will notice.
Mia, Morgan and Ryan get near Sam behind the cake table.
MIA
I think it is a boy.
RYAN
They wouldnt have hired two
princesses and a prince, I think it
is a girl.
MORGAN
I think it is a boy too.
RYAN
So, boy it is.
The Mother looks at them because they are taking to long to
start.
MIA
Lets end this quickly.
MIA, MORGAN AND RYAN
(singing in the melody of
regular Happy Birthday)
Happy birthday to Sam,
He is a really great friend.
We appreciate your day,
Happy Birthday to Sam.

20.

As they sing, all the guests freeze looking at each other.

The guests think the song is over, but it isnt.
MIA, MORGAN AND RYAN
(singing)
Thanks to Sam we are here,
Celebrating his day.
Lets say again,
Happy Birthday to Sam.
Mia, Morgan and Ryan look at each other and at the guests.
RYAN
I told you she is a girl.
SAM
Do you think I am a boy?
MOTHER
(chuckling)
I know, its hard to tell.
SAM
Mom!
MORGAN
We are really sorry, Evi...
MOTHER
Evi...?
RYAN
(to Mia and Morgan)
Lets go.
Morgan and Ryan walks to the door but Mia stays where she
is.
MIA
We are really sorry about what
happened. We can sing again! We
have five different Happy Birthday
songs.
MOTHER
I am not going to pay you.
MIA
At least, I tried.
END OF ACT TWO

21.

ACT THREE
INT. ALEXS KITCHEN - EVENING
Alex and Matt are fixing the table. Matt looks exhausted,
but Alex is extremely happy.
ALEX
I cannot believe we fixed the
faucet.
MATT
Me neither.
ALEX
And now we just have to tighten
this screw!
MATT
I know.
ALEX
What is the matter?
MATT
It was all really intense, dude.
Alex tightens the screw.
ALEX
But now it is over!
Alex looks at the ceiling and sees the missing light bulb.
MATT
Thank God, can I go back to my
video game now?
ALEX
You can. Thanks, Matt.
Alex goes to the door and opens it.
MATT
Where are you going?
ALEX
There is still one thing missing,
but I can finish on my own.
Matt looks happily at Alex.

22.

ALEX (CONTD)
I just have to run. I dont know
what time Mia is going to be back.
I want to prove to her she is
wrong.
MATT
Sure that is what you want.
ALEX
(chuckling)
Screw you.
Alex closes the door and leaves.
INT. SUBWAY STATION - EVENING
Mia, Morgan and Ryan are waiting for the Central Line train
in the Oxford Circus Underground Station still dressed as
Beauty, Cinderella and Prince Phillip.
MORGAN
I am so hungry.
RYAN
There is an amazing Japanese
restaurant...
MIA
Sorry, guys, but I cant afford it.
RYAN
We can go somewhere cheaper.
MIA
Alexs apartment is the most
expensive place I can go right now.
MORGAN
We can get a pizza and eat there.
RYAN
Do you think Alex wont bother?
MIA
He is going to survive.
The train approaches and Mia, Morgan and Ryan get inside it,
where some people are already seated. One of them is a
HOMELESS.

23.

HOMELESS
Hi, Beauty, do you come here often?
MIA
I will, if I continue to lose money
this way.
RYAN
Dont be like that, Mia. We have a
lot of parties this week.
MIA
I cant believe you called her Evil
Queen.
MORGAN
Actually, I just called her Evi. I
didnt finish my sentence.
RYAN
And you thought she was a boy.
MORGAN
The only reason you thought she was
a girl was Cinderella and Beauty.
You are way too mainstream for a
gay guy.
HOMELESS
I have never seen a gay prince.
RYAN
Do you actually think they would be
so perfect if they werent all
gays?
INT. ALEXS LIVING ROOM - NIGHT
Alex enters the apartment carrying another plastic bag.
Matt, Mia and Morgan are seated on the couch eating a pizza.
Mia and Morgan are still dressed as princesses.
MIA
Hi, Alex. I hope you dont mind.
(pointing to Morgan)
This is Morgan, she works with me.
MORGAN
Do you want a slice?

24.

MATT
No, thanks, I am not hungry.
Ryan appears coming from the toilet dressed as Prince
Phillip.
RYAN
(about Alex, to Mia)
He is cute!
MIA
And you just met Ryan, he also
works with me, as you can see.
ALEX
Nice to meet you. I am getting a
beer, someone else wants one?
RYAN
No, thanks.
MORGAN
No.
MIA
I dont usually say no to beer, but
we are drinking soda, thanks.
MATT
I am fine too.
Alex walks to the fridge.
MATT (CONTD)
Morgan, I have to tell you
something.
MORGAN
What?
MATT
You are awesome.
MIA
You barely know her. And she would
prefer me over you, if you know
what I mean.
MORGAN
Can you stop this? I already told
you, I dont like to label things.

25.

MATT
I think I am in love.
Alex sees the light bulb isnt missing anymore and he starts
to look from the kitchen to Mia, Morgan, Matt and Ryan.
RYAN
I came back from the toilet three
hours ago, can we continue the
game?
MATT
Alex, you dont want to play?
ALEX
I am fine.
MATT
Sorry guys, I will see what is
going on.
Matt walks in Alexs direction. Mia, Morgan and Ryan
continue to play Charades. Matt and Alex talk in the kitchen
area watching their game.
ALEX
Did she change the light bulb?
MATT
Yes.
ALEX
But we didnt have one in the
apartment.
MATT
She actually had one in that
suitcase.
ALEX
Really?
MATT
Yes, she looks like a less polite
version of Mary Poppins. You should
see what she has in that suitcase.
ALEX
She is awesome, isnt she?
MATT
Dude, dont fall for her.

26.

ALEX
What?
MATT
Look to me and say: "I wont fall
for her again".
ALEX
What are you talking about?
MATT
It didnt work once. I mean, why
did you break up?
Alex thinks about for a second.
ALEX
Honestly, I dont remember. I guess
we werent happy together anymore.
MATT
People dont break up because they
dont love each other. They do
because it is really hard to have a
relationship.
ALEX
It doesnt look like, but you have
clear ideas about a lot of things.
And relax, I wont fall for her
again.
Alex looks at Mia admired. Matt slaps the back of Alex head.
END OF ACT THREE

27.

TAG
INT. ALEXS LIVING ROOM - DAY
Mia is carrying a clipboard with a written paper, while Alex
shows her the repairs he did on the apartment. The
television is turned on in the living room. While she talks,
she writes notes.
MIA
This light bulb seems like it was
changed by a pro.
ALEX
Funny. What do you think about the
faucet?
MIA
Lets see. It is great, it is
working, not leaking. Great repair.
ALEX
And last but not least. The wall
mounted table.
On the table are a sugar bowl, some cups and a coffee
machine.
MIA
Oh, I remembered, it was a mess.
Honestly, Alex, everything is
great. I cant believe this.
Mia looks at the television.
MIA (CONTD)
Oh, I love this show.
She quickly leans her elbows on the table and rest her head
in her hands. The table drops from the wall and all objects
fall on the floor. Alex and Mia looks at each other. They
both look awkward. Mia because she broke the table again and
Alex because he didnt fix it right.
MIA
Think about what you have done
cleaning this mess.
Mia walks to the bedroom. Alex looks to the mess in the
floor.
END OF SHOW