Celebrity

an original screenplay by
Matt Hubsher

MALE VOICE
I'm sorry, where is this all coming
from?
FEMALE VOICE
It's not--just listen, okay?
MALE VOICE
I am listening! What about this
conversation makes you think I'm not
listening?
FEMALE VOICE
You're telling me I'm wrong! This
isn't something I'm wrong on, it's
how I feel.
MALE VOICE
Sorry, you're not wrong because this
is something you're not wrong on?
Do you even realize what you're
saying?
FEMALE VOICE
Are you hearing yourself!?
MALE VOICE
Are you!? Christ! Why did I even
call you over tonight!?
FEMALE VOICE
I can't believe you're doing this.
MALE VOICE
Whatever, do you wanna leave?
FADE IN:
INT. STUDIO APARTMENT - EVENING
Tiny NYC studio, closer to a large closet. On the bed in
the corner--SAM EUGENE, mid 20s, sits against the wall. He
lights a cigarette with a Zippo. A TV at the foot of the
bed shows a Netflix menu.
From the bathroom, a PLASTIC BAG rustles and a cabinet door
SLAMS--a SOB, forced back.
MARY STANTON, late 20s, exits the bathroom with a plastic
bag containing personal toiletries and belongings.
MARY
Never talk to me again.
(MORE)

2.
MARY (CONT'D)
Never text me, never call, don't go
near my apartment ever again. Post
whatever video you want, I don't
care.
She yanks open the drawer on the nightstand, throws a fistful
of condoms onto the floor, and grabs a keychain. Sam takes
a drag and peruses the tip of his cigarette.
MARY (CONT'D)
And in a few weeks, when you realize
that I was the only good thing in
your life, and you miss me, just
save me the trouble and keep it to
your fucking self. Fucking sociopath.
He glances to her at the word "sociopath." She slams the
door behind her on her way out.
Beat.

Drag on cigarette.

Sounds of sex from the neighbors.

Sam checks his phone and drops the cigarette in a glass of

water on the TV stand.
CUT TO:
LATER
Sam stands in front of the stove in boxers and an undershirt.
The TV is turned towards the opposite corner of the room-the kitchen/breakfast nook. A pan SIZZLES on the stove.
MONTAGE:
Sam lays a neatly cooked egg patty on a bagel half.
Sam pours liquid bacon fat from the pan into a dirty soup
can next to the sink.
Sam puts a strip of bacon on the egg, lays a slice of cheese
over it, and closes the sandwich.
Sam sits upright at the head of the bed eating the sandwich
and watching Netflix.
The plate is stacked precariously on the nightstand. Sam
grabs his phone and a pack of cigarettes from the nightstand.
The phone RINGS.
Sam pauses the stream and answers, phone on speaker.
SAM
Yo.

3.
RICH
What are you doing right now?
SAM
Nothing, why?
RICH
I'm in Soho, wanna hit some bars?
SAM
Uh...
RICH
Come on, man!
SAM
What bar?
RICH
Baron Von Bierhaus.
SAM
That's a dumb name.
RICH
Who gives a shit dude? Just get
your ass down here, I'll be there at
nine. I think Natalie said she'll
be there too.
SAM
From work?
RICH
Yeah dude, she's down!
SAM
I know.
RICH
You're single, right?
SAM
Yeah.
RICH
So I'll see you there.
DISCONNECT.
Sam grabs a pair of jeans from the floor and slips them on
without getting up.
He shuffles through his closet and grabs one from a large
succession of dress shirts.

4.
He slips it on and gazes at himself in the mirror.
He pulls on a jacket, grabs a scarf, sprays a pull of
deodorant on himself, and heads for the door.
CUT TO:
EXT. BARON VON BIERHAUS - NIGHT
Sam stands outside the tiny bar, cigarette in hand.
He checks his phone--the clock shows 9:15pm.
SAM
Fucking...
He takes a drag, tosses it, and heads inside.
INT. BARON VON BIERHAUS - CONTINUOUS
Very narrow row of barstools and bar on one side, booths
opposite, all with a rustic German aesthetic.
Crowded for its size. Some clusters of people stand around
the bar, some stuff into the small wooden booths.
Sam enters and sits at the stool closest the door, next to
two other empty stools. The BARTENDER approaches.
BARTENDER
What can I getcha?
Sam quickly scans the beer menu.
SAM
The heller bock, please.
He checks his phone and places it on the bar. He looks around
the room, glancing between random faces in the crowd.
The bartender places a tall glass of beer on the bar with a
receipt.
SAM (CONT'D)
Thank you.
He takes a few big gulps of beer and contains the burp.
SAM (CONT'D)
Mm, this is good.
BARTENDER
It's really tasty. Are you a big
beer drinker?

5.
SAM
A bit.
BARTENDER
Check out our Belgians, on the second
page of the menu.
SAM
Thirteen bucks? I hope those are
some good beers.
BARTENDER
Those are the best beers. Belgium
makes the best beers. Don't tell
the other bartender I said that.
SAM
(pointing at menu)
This one's from Bruges.
movie In Bruges.

I love the

BARTENDER
Yes, Bruges is a real place, with
real people. I've been there.
SAM
Oh, really?
BARTENDER
(walking away)
Yeah.
She heads off to the other side of the bar towards a CUSTOMER.
Sam aimlessly flips through the bar menu.
He sits quietly and observes other bar patrons. A DRUNK
GUY, clad in sunglasses, appears beside Sam and lightly shoves
his shoulder.
SAM
Scuse me?
DRUNK GUY
Hey, settle a bet for me and my
friends.
SAM
Okay.
DRUNK GUY
Do you know Nietzsche?
SAM
Yeah, actually, I love Nietzsche.
(MORE)

6.
SAM (CONT'D)
I finished Beyond Good and Evil a
few months-The guy puts his muscular arm around Sam' shoulder and turns
him towards a booth near the back.
DRUNK GUY
(yelling)
See? This guy knows who Nietzsche
is, Rob! You're just a fucking idiot.
(to Sam)
Thanks, by the way.
He moves his hand from Sam' shoulder to extend a shaking
hand.
DRUNK GUY (CONT'D)
I'm Dave.
Sam shakes his hand.
Sam.
me.

SAM
And you're kind of sweating on

DRUNK GUY
Well, yeah, I'm drunk.
SAM
Glad I could help settle your bet,
have a good one.
Sam turns back to the bar and takes a gulp of his beer.
Dave leaves.
Sam' phone CHIMES. He checks it--message from Rich "Party
moved to The 9th and Natalie's drinking get over here you
fucking assclown"
He downs his beer, drops a twenty on the bar, and stands up.
The OTHER BARTENDER grabs the receipt and the money.
OTHER BARTENDER
You want your change?
SAM
No, it's yours.
He exits.
CUT TO:

7.
EXT. CITY STREETS - LATER
Poorly lit section of side street, scarce pedestrians.
rounds the corner.

Sam

A GUY IN A HOODIE exits an alley, meanders for a beat, and

starts towards Sam.
Sam quickly brandishes a pocket knife and holds it at his
side. He keeps his eyes locked straight ahead.
As the two pass--Hoodie reaches behind his back and Sam flicks
the blade.
Hoodie moves his empty hand back to his side--Sam pulls the
knife back to his pocket and clears his throat.
CUT TO:
EXT. THE 9TH - NIGHT
Big, blank building with a pair of doors being guarded by a
couple of BOUNCERS from a hefty line of PATRONS waiting to
get in.
Sam stands near the front, hands in pockets, bobbing back
and forth from heel to ball. He checks his phone, texts,
and repockets it.
A couple of scantily clad WOMEN pass by him and walk by the
bouncers--one of the bouncers ogles them as they enter the
club.
SAM
Christ, man. You let those girls in
because, what, you wanna fuck them?
BOUNCER
Because others do.
SAM
And what, nobody wants to fuck us?
A GUY IN LINE behind him grabs his shoulder-GUY IN LINE
Man, just shut the fuck up and wait
in line.
Sam yanks back from the guy's hand.
SAM
This is bullshit, my friends are in
there.

8.
BOUNCER
Nobody gives a shit about your
friends, you go in when I say you go
in. Keep this shit up, and I won't.
SAM
Fucking-He pulls his phone from his pocket--RICH, early 30s, leans
out the door.
RICH
Yo, Sam!
BOUNCER
This belong to you?
RICH
Yeah, he's cool, man.
The bouncer motions him in--Sam looks at the bouncer as he
passes.
BOUNCER
I'm keeping my eye on you, son.
RICH
He's chill, don't worry.
They enter the building.
INT. THE 9TH - CONTINUOUS
The door leads to the top of an atrium looking out over a
subterranean dance floor with a bar and booths surrounding
it. The club is packed, the lights are low and the music is
overpowering.
Rich and Sam descend the stairs to the ground floor.
RICH
Natalie's somewhere on the floor,
I'll go find her.
SAM
Shit, thanks dude.
RICH
My pleasure. Oh, dude, there's a
rumor flying around that Will
Priscillo is coming.
SAM
Holy shit, I'll keep an eye out.
I'll see if I can get a table.

9.
Rich disappears into the crowd and Sam slips by a few people
to the bar.
A crowd of DRUNKS boorishly approach the bar--one stumbles
and shoves Sam into the wall.
DRUNK GAL
Oh, my god, I'm so so sorry!
you okay? I'm so so sorry!

Are

Sam gets up--they took his spot at the bar.

SAM
Yeah, it's fine.
Sam notices a wet spot on his shirt and rubs his face,
frustrated.
CUT TO:
BATHROOM DOORS
Lines have formed outside the men's and women's rooms.
door opens and a GUY exits--Sam enters.

The

INT. MEN'S ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Two stalls, two sinks, overall grungy.
Sam exits a stall, heads to the sink and washes his hands.
The other stall door opens-WILL PRISCILLO, late 20s, fashionable and professionally
handsome, sits on the toilet with a pair of designer shades.
He groans loudly.
WILL
I've been on a journey.
Neat.

SAM
Where'd you go?

WILL
Australia, then Hong Kong, then
Brooklyn.
(beat)
Have you ever come out of the K-hole?
SAM
Can't say I have, stranger.
WILL
It's intense. I'm not even sure
what was happening at one point.

10.
SAM
You're describing my life.
WILL
Really?
Will sits up and raises his sunglasses.
SAM
Shit-He wheels around-WILL
That's pretty fucking cool how that
worked out.
SAM
Sorry, I'm trying not to freak out,
are you Will Priscillo?
WILL
In the flesh. And I feel as though
our paths were meant to cross tonight.
SAM
Well, this has been an interesting
turn of events. Why do you say that?
WILL
I couldn't possibly explain it to
someone who's never been in the khole. What's your name?
SAM
Samuel Eugene.
WILL
That's a terrible fucking name.
SAM
People call me Sam.
Good call.

WILL
You here with anybody?

SAM
Yeah, sorta-WILL
Well you just became the life of the
party, Sam.
CUT TO:

11.
INT. THE 9TH - MOMENTS LATER
Sam and Will approach a booth occupied by Rich and Natalie.
SAM
Check out what I found in the
bathroom.
They both look up from their phones-RICH
Fuck me.
WILL
No, thank you, more into the ladies.
NATALIE
Oh my god!
She screams.
WILL
I always make em scream.
NATALIE
Oh my god, can I hug you?
wanna hug you.

I just

Will sits down next to her and throws his arm around her.
WILL
Go ahead.
Natalie hugs his chest.

Rich shoots a look to Sam--

RICH
(silent)
Whaaaaaat!
Sam shrugs, smiles, and sits down next to Rich.
NATALIE
Never leave the show, I need you in
my life.
WILL
(quietly)
How much has she drank tonight?
RICH
(quietly)
Lots.
Will winks and signals A-ok.

12.
SAM
So how's your night going?
Natalie sits up, Will's arm still wrapped around her.
glances to him and back to Natalie.
NATALIE
Pretty great so far!
find him?
SAM
In the bathroom--

Sam

Where'd you
WILL
In the bathroom--

Sam chuckles--Will scoffs.

WILL (CONT'D)
I was doing drugs in the bathroom
like some fucking druggie, then this
guy comes around and I followed him
back to his table.
SAM
I think the word he used was fate.
RICH
Yeah, fuckin' fate, man!
Sam and Will cock an eyebrow at him.
WILL
Oh, dude, here-Will slips a credit card from his pocket and tosses it to
Rich.
WILL (CONT'D)
Why don't you start a tab on my name,
bring us a bottle.
NATALIE
Bottle service!
Sam gets up to let Rich out and sits back down.
towards the bar through the crowd.
NATALIE (CONT'D)
Lemme take a selfie. Can we take a
selfie?
She holds her phone up--Will pushes it down.
WILL
No, actually, better not.
shit, you know the deal.
(MORE)

Publicity

Rich bounds

13.
WILL (CONT'D)
Fucking paparazzi are everywhere
now, literally fucking everywhere.
NATALIE
But I need my followers to see this!
How will they know I met Will
Priscillo?
SAM
Autograph?
Will glances at Sam--he turns Natalie's chin towards him.
WILL
I can give you a story you'll never
forget.
NATALIE
Like?
WILL
Like me and Sam fuck you in the men's
room.
Sam's eyes widen.
to Sam.

Will smiles out of the corner of his eye

NATALIE

Yes.
Will gets up and takes her hand as she gets up. Sam gawks
at Will--he puts on his sunglasses and motions to follow.
Sam runs his hands through his hair, smacks his cheek, and
gets up.
CUT TO:
INT. MEN'S ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Will leads Natalie in by the hand--she sits on the sink
counter and giggles. Sam follows, a bit apprehensive.
NATALIE
How do we start?
WILL
You get in the stall.
NATALIE
Oh.
Will holds his hand out.

14.
WILL
Come on.
She takes his hand and he leads her, ahead of him, into the
stall. Sam steps forward.
Will turns back to Sam--he shakes his head, signals cut, and
shuts the stall door.
Sam gazes at the stall door, in shock. Natalie MOANS.
stutters a bit, shakes his head and walks to the door.

Sam

INT. THE 9TH - LATER

Sam sits at the now empty booth.
hands him a drink from a tray.

A WAITER approaches and

WAITER
Enjoy.
SAM
I can't tip you but I'm with a guy
who can, so just stick around, he'll
be back.
The waiter hits the other booths with his tray.
He checks his phone--on screen, text from Rich: "Ex showed
up had to bail, still got Will's card tho give him my number"
SAM (CONT'D)
Fucking idiot.
Will emerges from the crowd and hops into the booth.
WILL
Man, I am energized!
SAM
Careful! Jesus.
(beat)
Where's Natalie?
WILL
She's still in there, she's feeling
a little sick.
SAM
How much did she drink?
Lots.

WILL
Doubt the codeine helped.

SAM
She had codeine?

15.
WILL
Yeah. No, wait--it was percs. Yeah,
percs. I always forget which drugs
I bring out with me.
SAM
You gave it to her?
WILL
Well...yeah.
Sam shakes his head in disbelief-WILL (CONT'D)
Relax! I've been where she is before.
Worse, even. Worst comes to worst
she pukes a bit.
SAM
What the fuck happened back there?
Why did you just do that?
WILL
I'm sorry, man.
SAM
But why, though?
WILL
Sam, do you feel frustrated?
SAM
Frustrated? Yeah, frustrated--I
feel really frustrated.
WILL
It's a weird word when you say it so
many times. And you've been saying
it your whole life. That's all your
life's been, hasn't it? One big
ball of frustration.
SAM
What-WILL
Don't say anything. I'm sure you've
said enough in your lifetime to
therapists, looking to help you cope
with a condition but I, Sam, I am
here to offer you the cure.
SAM
What the fuck are you talking about?

16.
WILL
I can have you doing whatever you
want and feeling great about it.
How far are you willing to go, Sam?
Beat.

Sam chuckles.
SAM
How far are you willing to take me?

Will beams.
WILL
Now you're getting it.
CUT TO:
INT. HOLLAND TUNNEL - NIGHT
Not much traffic.

Track with a blacked out S-class Benz.

I/E. WILL'S BENZ - CONTINUOUS

Will, wearing leather gloves, drives. From the radio--the
DJ stops and the music starts: Katy Perry's Roar.
WILL
Oh, fuck yes.
SAM
Really?
Will turns the volume up.
SAM (CONT'D)
Wow.
WILL
You want me to turn it down?
SAM
A bit.
He turns it down.
WILL
This, Samuel, is the greatest
composition known to man.
Roar?

SAM
That's a bit grim.

WILL
Katy Perry as a whole. She is the
greatest composition of all time.

17.
SAM
She's...a singer.

A pretty bad one.

WILL
But she isn't. She is whatever the
label wants her to be. And therein
lies the genius. See, she's pretty,
white, sexually liberated enough to
sell smut but family friendly enough
to sell pop. You've seen this
dialectic before. It wears poorly
on child starlets, e.g. Miley Cyrus,
but the ones who start in their
twenties are ripe for it.
(beat, singing along)
I got the eye of the tiger, fire/
Dancing through the fire/
Cuz I am a champion/
And you're gonna hear me roar!
(beat)
Notice the subtle use of autotune,
not too hard to sing along to, but
not so easy so as to avoid sounding
like shit.
SAM
Right.
WILL
Every one of her songs is designed
and prepackaged to be a hit single,
each of them made to be danced to
and with lyrics shallow and universal
enough to apply to every emotion
everyone's ever had. Roar,
especially, tugs on those "I know
I'm better than this" strings. You
know those strings, don't you?
SAM
I hate this song.
WILL
Hate it all you want, but you can't
deny that you know it word for word,
and you can't take away the fact
that its stay on the pop charts is
the result of perfection in music
marketing. She's not a singer
anymore, she's a marketing vehicle,
and that Super Bowl halftime show
was her magnum opus.
SAM
Sure, sure.

18.
WILL
Are you listening to me, Sam?
SAM
Magnum opus, got it.
The right lane stops up while the left lane keeps going.
WILL
Oh, what are these clowns doing?...
He looks over his left shoulder to pass.
SAM
Oh, dude, you can't pass.
WILL
Mmhm.
Will guns it out of his spot in the jam, into the left lane,
cutting off another car--that car slams on the brakes and is
almost rear-ended. Horns BLARE.
WILL (CONT'D)
(high pitch)
Whoopsies!
He chortles as he speeds up, out of the tunnel onto
EXT. JERSEY HIGHWAY - NIGHT
Establish: 495 west, leading away from Lincoln Tunnel.
I/E. WILL'S BENZ - NIGHT
The car passes a highway sign for Secaucus--Will changes
lanes.
SAM
Are we going to Secaucus?
WILL
Yes we are, Sam.
SAM
Why?
WILL
Sam, what if I asked you to trust
me? Is that a radical concept to
you?
SAM
I guess I have some trust issues.

19.
WILL
Admitting that is a good start. But
first, lemme ask you: have you ever
felt powerless?
CUT TO:
INT. GUTTED OFFICE - NIGHT
Some minor construction damage--holes in the wall, fixtures
hanging, broken glass, hacked up carpet. A large tarp covers
up a mound in the corner.
The front windows are frosted to total opacity.
The fluorescent lights CLICK and HUM to life and the room is
evenly illuminated. Will enters, Sam in tow.
Will B-lines to the tarp and yanks it off-A plethora of tools and weapons--machete, sledgehammer, metal
bat, wood bat, kitchen knives, claw hammers, crowbar--are
piled up.
SAM
Whoa.
WILL
When I get some free time between
fucking interviews or signings or
sets or whatever they have me doing,
I take some nights for myself. Nights
like tonight.
Sam picks up the kitchen knife and whips it at the wall-It crashes into the drywall and stays.

Will whoops.

SAM
So you come to Secaucus and beat up
an empty office?
WILL
Yes, Sam. One of the perks of having
your own anonymous holdings company.
It's fun and it gets me pumped up
for the rest of the night.
He picks up the wood bat and the sledgehammer--he tosses the
bat to Sam.
SAM
It's one AM, man.
left.

Not much night

20.
WILL
Time is a construct.

Join me?

Beat-Will smashes the sledgehammer into a cheap wooden desk--it

splinters down the middle.
Sam laughs, winds up, and swings at a metal and glass lamp
on another desk. The lamp shatters and crashes into the
floor.
WILL (CONT'D)
How does that feel!?
SAM
It feels good!
WILL
Well I don't believe you.
Sam smiles and throws the bat--it crashes into the drywall
and stays. Sam laughs.
WILL (CONT'D)
You have one minute.
MONTAGE: Sam and Will beat the shit out of the room in various
places with various items.
SMASH CUT TO:
EXT. CONVENIENCE STORE - LOT - LATER
Will's Benz pulls in and parks.
INT. CONVENIENCE STORE - MOMENTS LATER
Will and Sam enter. They head to the fridge section at the
back and browse. Sam glances over and notices-KELLY, 20, dressed for a night out. She surreptitiously
takes a picture of Will on her phone.
Sam quickly approaches her and pushes the camera down.
SAM
No pictures.
KELLY
Who the fuck are you?
Will approaches.

21.
WILL
Yeah, Sam, who the fuck are you?
Speaking for me like that? Nobody
speaks for me.
(to Kelly)
Hi, I'm Will Priscillo, you are?
She smiles wide.
KELLY
Kelly Reilly. I'm such a huge fan.
Can I get my friend to meet you?
She literally owns every one of your
movies.
WILL
Owning movies is kind of a dumb thing
to do.
KELLY
I--um, she's just-She turns back and waves over a GIRL further down the aisle.
The girl, VICKI, also 20 and also dressed to go out, screams
and hurries up to them.
WILL
Please, call more attention to us.
VICKI
Sorry, I'm so sorry. I love you.
Like really, I am in love with you.
Will you have my babies?
KELLY
Alright, relax.
WILL
I will gladly father your children,
do you live nearby?
VICKI
Yeah, just a few blocks from here.
You wanna come over for drinks?
WILL
Drinks, no thanks.
drugs?

Do you have any

KELLY
Hey, maybe we should be heading out?
They're there already, we're gonna
be late.

22.
VICKI
Just hang on.
WILL
How about this; you come with me and
my good friend Sam here-(arm around Sam)
--and we'll get you to where you
need to go in my very nice car then
we'll have some drinks.
KELLY
Um, fuck yeah?
VICKI
Yes!
Will brandishes his keys.
WILL
Okay, here are the keys, it's the
black Benz right there, go hop in
the back seat and we'll be right
out.
He hesitates and drops the keys into Kelly's hand.
WILL (CONT'D)
You, cuz you seem like the responsible
one.
VICKI
I am totally the irresponsible one.
I am proud admitting that.
Kelly chuckles and heads for the door with Vicki.
WILL
First off, excellent wingmanship.
You did a great job, standing there
looking like a dipshit.
SAM
You kinda do this alone, dude.
WILL
I do, but I don't need to.
to step up.

You need

SAM
And do what, help you pick up chicks?
WILL
It'd be a nice start, yes.
(MORE)

23.
WILL (CONT'D)
Look, Sam, this isn't about primal,
evolutionary urges. This is about
society. This is about natural
selection being replaced with cultural
selection. People like us, we evolved
past everyone else.
SAM
People like us?

Like what, exactly?

WILL
People like us. You're frustrated,
anxious, feeling a bit asocial, which
turns into paranoia, of others and
yourself. And a doubting voice in
your head routinely asks you why you
can't just feel normal like everyone
else. I know why. It's because you
are among the genetically superior
like me. We can realize the truth,
that the world wants us to win its
Darwinian game. It offers fame and
fortune to those who are fitted enough
to the environment to succeed; free
market capitalism. Those who turn
the highest profit become idealized,
part of the very institutions that
form America. And their genes--their
legacy, their influence--are passed
on to future generations wishing to
succeed. Look around you! Look at
all these brand names that have
succeeded! Their existence is now a
part of human consciousness and will
never be forgotten. This is what
Warhol was saying with all that
Campbell's soup nonsense.
(beat)
I have evolved past humans. I see
the world for what it really is, and
I know how to thrive in it. For
tonight, I will bring you with me,
Sam. I will be your monolith.
Will cracks open a can of an energy drink branded "Jupiter"
and takes a gulp.
WILL (CONT'D)
Now, would you like to go fuck those
girls with me?
SAM
Yeah.

24.
WILL
Good.
Will puts on sunglasses and heads for the registers.
CUT TO:
I/E. WILL'S BENZ - LATER
Will drives, Sam rides shotgun, Kelly and Vicki sit in the
back. They all sing and dance along to Katy Perry's Last
Friday Night.
Will turns down the volume a bit-WILL
Ladies, would you be alright if I
made a quick stop? It won't take
long. You can come in if you want,
I just need to pick up something.
VICKI
Is it drugs?
Yes.

WILL
It's drugs.

I'm getting drugs.

VICKI
I have some weed on me, if you want.
WILL
I said drugs, not plants.
CUT TO:
EXT. STRIP MALL - NIGHT
The Benz parks in the mostly empty lot.
traffic.

Barely any pedestrian

The girls exit the car and hurry towards the storefronts,
shaking from the cold. Will and Sam walk at a brisk pace.
WILL
It's the unmarked door.
go ahead.
Kelly opens the door.
Sam and Will.

Vicki runs in quickly, followed by

INT. GUTTED OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Kelly closes the door.

Unlocked,

25.
KELLY
Interesting place to stash drugs. I
like the pile of weapons, it's quaint.
WILL
Oh, those are just for having fun.
Kelly gingerly picks up a shard of glass from the shelf next
to her and replaces it.
KELLY
I'll bet.
Sam raps his pack of cigarettes on his palm.
SAM
I'm gonna head out for a smoke real
quick.
WILL
Mind if I bum one? Ladies, this
will only take a moment. Bro bonding
session here.
VICKI
Aww, bromance.
Will smiles and points at her.
WILL
Exactly.
They step out.
EXT. STRIP MALL - MOMENTS LATER
Will flicks Sam's Zippo shut and hands it back to him.
drags on his lit cigarette.
WILL
God, it's been a while since I had a
cigarette. I cannot get enough of
these things. The studio has a clause
in my all-around deal that I'm not
to be caught smoking, in public or
private. Fucking anti-smoking lobby
has their balls on a plate. Got
used to not having them around, but
I sneak one here and there. Helps
to keep me sane.
SAM
I feel you.
(MORE)

Sam

26.
SAM (CONT'D)
I tried quitting, and everyone told
me that after a month I'd be disgusted
by them and never go back. They
were wrong. I just kept on craving.
WILL
We're hungry people, Sam.
we do, we crave.

It's what

SAM
Speaking of craving...
Sam shoots his eyes back to the door.
WILL
Yeah, I'll take Vicki. You'd have
to work to land her at this point,
might as well just make your move on
Kelly. I'll put in a good word.
SAM
This'll be fun. I'm actually looking
to have fun, that feels almost
revolutionary.
(beat)
I have never seen anyone fuck two
different random girl strangers in
so rapid a succession before. I
don't know how you do it.
Will takes a drag and peruses the lit end of his cigarette.
WILL
I'll tell you how.
SAM
This'll be good.
WILL
For you, it's probably about the
sex, the reaffirmation of masculinity,
the exercising of your phallus upon
a willing partner. Here's how I do
it: instead of the sex, I go for the
power. I've had the power in every
single scene tonight. Why? Because
I was the only one who bothered taking
it. Understand?
SAM
I think I do.

27.
WILL
Good. Power is where your head should
be. Inside.
They both flick their cigarette butts onto the pavement and
head back inside.
INT. GUTTED OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Vicki and Kelly look at their phones. Kelly smiles, holds
her phone out in front of Vicki--she looks at it, they both
laugh.
Will and Sam close the door behind them.
WILL
Almost ready to go. Vicki, come
check this out back here.
He starts for the door to the private office at the back.
Vicki gets up and follows. Kelly smirks at her as she goes.
Will opens the door for her and she slips in.
Will turns back to Sam and Kelly--he motions to them to get
together, silently blows an exaggerated kiss, and shuts the
door on his way in.
Sam and Kelly glance at each other, avert eye contact and
laugh.
SAM
Ah, shit.
KELLY
Not awkward at all.
SAM
No, I don't think so.
(beat)
I'm just out of a relationship, and
I honestly feel happy about that.
KELLY
Good for you!
SAM
Yeah. But I feel like the cake still
needs a topper.
KELLY
Oh really?

28.
SAM
So I think we should fuck, right
now.
KELLY
That's your pitch?
SAM
That's my pitch.
KELLY
You're cute, but I'm not really into
the random sex thing. Vicki is, and
she is obsessed with that guy, so
I'm just here to provide moral
support.
SAM
God, that fucking guy.

He is...

KELLY
He's something.
SAM
And y'know what I find funniest about
this whole thing-From the back office--Vicki SCREAMS.
VICKI
Help!

Help!

Kelly jumps to her feet and sprints to the office. She throws
the door open--Sam inches up behind her and cranes to see
into the office.
Mid-coitus, Sam holds a gun to Vicki's throat.
WILL
You insufferable cunt.
you.

I warned

KELLY
Oh my god!
He points back to Kelly.
WILL
Do not let her leave, Sam!
let her leave!

Do not

Sam's eyes widen and he backs up a few steps. Kelly turns

and runs past him for the exit--Sam tugs on her shirt to
stop her.

29.
She spins around and throws the back of her hand into Sam's
face. They both fall to the ground.
Kelly jumps to her feet, runs to the exit--it's locked.
pounds on the door a few times.

She

Sam hops up--Kelly turns and sprays pepper spray errantly in

his direction. He covers his face with his arm.
She pushes past him and runs to the weapon pile. She grabs
the crowbar, squares up in front of the window, ready to
swing.
Sam lunges up behind her and grabs the crowbar. They each
tug at it--Kelly lets go, sending Sam reeling. Kelly runs
at him and throws a wild punch to the side of his head.
WILL (CONT'D)
(screaming)
Fucking take her!
She sprints for the office door and dropkicks Will--he drops
the gun and falls away from Vicki, on the desk. Vicki jumps
off, readjusts her dress, and backs away into the corner.
WILL (CONT'D)
(screaming)
You fucking useless whore!
He holds his side. Sam runs to the doorway, crowbar in hand.
Kelly grabs the gun from the ground, gets up, aims at Sam-She gets three shots off, all into Sam's gut.
Vicki's hand.

She grabs

KELLY
Vicki, come on!
Vicki jumps up and runs with Kelly--she shoves Sam to the
side, runs for the exit. Sam falls to the floor and slumps
against the wall clutching his belly.
Kelly stops at the front window and backs up a few steps.
KELLY (CONT'D)
Cover your eyes!
Vicki covers her face. Kelly aims the gun at the window
with her other arm across her face. She squeezes off a few
rounds and the window shatters. They both hop through it
and run.

30.
EXT. STRIP MALL - CONTINUOUS
Kelly and Vicki sprint through the parking lot, onto the
sidewalk, away from the strip mall.
BOTH
(screaming)
Help! We need help!
INT. GUTTED OFFICE - CONTINUOUS
Will exits the private office and kneels over Sam--he's
coughing blood and breathing heavily.
SAM
Will--call an ambulance.
WILL
I can't do that, Sam. You understand,
right? I have two alibis lined up
for tonight and the cops will be
here momentarily. That'd look awfully
bad for me.
Will reaches for the desk behind him and grabs the
sledgehammer.
WILL (CONT'D)
No hard feelings. If it's any
consolation, I did have fun using
you tonight.
SAM'S POV: Will grabs Sam's wallet out of his pocket, stands,
and winds up with the sledgehammer.
WILL (CONT'D)
(as Gallagher)
Pound cake? I guess it does!
CUT TO BLACK.