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GOOD ENOUGH FAITH

March 15, 2015, 4 Lent
John 3: 14-21

Which is better - an almost perfect parent, time after time sacrificing her own needs and
desires to dedicate herself to the unending demands of her child, or what the great
pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott called a good-enough parent relaxed, natural . . . balancing child care with self-care?
In England during World War 2, while their husbands were off fighting, in order to
escape the blitz thousands of mothers took their children into exile outside of London.
They were safer there, at least from the bombs, but being in a strange new place,
isolated from their usual sources of support, alone with the burdens of parenthood,
brought its own kind of vulnerability. In response to their concerns, Winnicott became
famous for radio broadcasts to those mothers who worried whether their parenting was
up to snuff. He spoke of the importance of not just loving and caring for the children but
the need for mothers not to overlook self-love . . . the importance of seeing to their own
needs as well as the childrens.
In Winnicotts intentionally paradoxical formulation, a perfect or near-perfect mother is,
ironically, undermining her goal of serving the child by her very perfectionism. How? A
couple of ways. A mother who attends to virtually every need of the child suffocates his
otherness. Having too many needs too expeditiously met inhibits the developing need of
the child to push against the maternal environment, and its that pushing that fuels and
sustains the long process of separating from the parent and claiming his own
identity . . . his own, unique, true self. Beyond that, the burden of attending to every
need of the child inevitably leads to a surfeit of anxiety in the mother - theres a lot of
need to attend to - and that anxiety becomes an element of the environment the child is
soaking up. And the more the mother worries about that, the more anxious she
becomes, and so on . . . .
On the other hand, the good enough mother is more comfortable with her imperfections
and limitations. She isnt bad or abusive. Instead, shes tuned in to the amorphous
balance between her childs needs and her own. The only thing a child needs more than
her parents care is her parents self care. What holds true on an airliner when the
oxygen mask drops - put it on your own face first so that youll remain equipped to help

the child - is a metaphor for all parenting. Lighten up was Winnicotts message to the
mothers in exile . . . not completely, not neglectfully . . . just enough.

Good enough might be the best to hope for in any relationship. After all, can you
imagine a genuine relationship without competing claims and conflicted interests? We
all have our own mindsets, our unique way of understanding ourselves and just about
everyone and everything else. And because were unique, we tend to see each other as
Paul famously described, through a glass, darkly.
Thats how it is with faith, too . . . how it is with our relationship with God. If only it were a
simple, unambiguous thing - crystal clear, indisputable, universally agreed upon and
equally sacrificial for everybody . . . if only . . . . wouldnt life be better? Think of how all
sorts of social ills would abate if not downright disappear. Wars. Schisms. Divorce. It
might sound wonderful, idyllic, until you stop and think what it would be like to lose our
uniqueness. If were not unique, each with our own way of thinking, our own history, our
own set of ever changing and evolving feelings . . . our own beliefs, would we even be
human? Wed be little more than automatons, with no sense of self. And maybe worst of
all, wed be bored. I guess for some people that might sound like heaven, but for me it
sounds more like hell.
Have you ever had a conversation with a religious zealot whos asked, ever so
righteously, when were you saved? My guess is that whatever lies behind that question
isnt any authentic curiosity about your faith or any fascination with dates. What I think
the questioners asking is, do you belong? Are you in it with me? And the implication
is, if not, then theres something terribly amiss with you.
I think those kinds of questions come from a place that has no appreciation or respect
for me as me, or for you as your own unique self. This may be horribly judgmental on
my part, but Ive never heard the question asked, never heard the mindset thats so
transparent behind it, without hearing a huge, off-putting expression of narcissism. Born
again Christians these days wear that label very proudly, in fact almost in-your-face
proudly, which in itself may or may not be a good thing. After all, sometimes we whose
faith expressions are more subdued might fairly be accused of timidity in carrying the
Good News of God in Christ out into a needy but skeptical world. Even so, what stands
out for me with the current crop of born agains is how narrowly they wear that label.
Being reborn in Christ can only mean what they want it to mean, only reflect their own

narrow experience and outlook. Born Agains tend to see themselves as perfectionbound Christians as opposed to good-enough people of faith.
Im sure that its in response to that almost idolatrous arrogance that an Episcopal priest
friend of mine has a ready answer to being asked when he was saved. 2000 years ago,
on Calvary he responds, in what strikes me as a good, pithy expression of the essence
of Christian theology, if not also a little arrogant and self-satisfied itself. I tend to find
myself envious of peers who can synthesize what for me are complicated, often
mysterious, doubt-plagued beliefs into crystal clear slogans, as if theyre pulling arrows
out of a quiver they always have on. Envious, yes, but also a little skeptical. Is our faith
really meant to be so certain, so quick to say oh yeah, Ive got it all figured out? Are we
meant to be glib about what we believe? I hope the answers no . . . no theres nothing
glib about believing that Jesus Christ is the Son of God . . . nothing easy, except for his
yoke . . . nothing light save his burden.
We hear in this mornings Gospel reading, Those who do what is true come to the light,
so that it may be clearly seen that their deeds are done in God. John portrays Jesus
stating this to Nicodemus, a Pharisee, who, if not exactly a 1st Century equivalent of a
21st Century Born Again zealot, could still fairly be described as pursuing a narrow
vision. Pharisees are noteworthy not only as strict adherents of the Law - nitpickers, if
you will - but also as advocates of making a big show about their formulaic
righteousness. All the Gospels, but especially John, set them up as foils for the Good
News Christ brings to the world. Theyre the what-not-to-do characters of the story . . .
the ersatz evangelists. Against that kind of branding, Jesus has an utterly different
message: Yes, faith in God entails being reborn . . . in spirit - an evolving, ongoing
process, less given to specifics and slogans than to renewing faith in Gods grace and to
proclaiming that faith in the quiet, complex, ever changing ways we go about leading our
lives.
You can look no farther than todays Epistle to see Pauls fascination with faith and
works. Works, good deeds, lose a lot of their goodness and point us away from our
relationship with God when engendered to persuade God (and people, and ourselves)
of our righteousness. Perhaps so well strive for something spiritual instead of robotic,
God doesnt seem to hold much truck with earning our way into heaven. Good works
arent the framework we build; the way Paul characterizes them, they are, instead, as
inevitable as the buds that burst forth each spring on a healthy tree - the fruits of faith

in Christ, which has nothing to do with show and everything to do with love . . . good
enough love.
Where does the notion arise that God wants us to be robotic worshippers of the Divine?
Instead we seem to have been created to learn and grow and reach for greatness
through a dialectical process - thesis and antithesis in dispute, in competition, leading
to synthesis . . . espousing contrary subjective viewpoints or perspectives or beliefs
whose contention builds new revelations in a never ending spiral that we at least hope
goes upward and not down, although either is possible.
Why is all of this important? Arent all good works, all acts of charity and kindness signs
of Gods love? Well, I suppose they are. In fact I worry about some Christians obsessing
over Pauls easily misunderstood doctrine of Justification by Faith Alone - the assertion
that its not the good that we do but our faith, our acceptance of the Holy Spirit alive
within us - that its only faith that makes us acceptable to God. I worry about that
obsession leading not only to inwardness as opposed to outwardly directed love but also
to the worst kind of exclusivity. When were you saved? Does your faith measure up?
Whenever anyone starts asking those kinds of questions, arent they in fact casting
themselves as judge? Arent they acting as way-too-perfect Christians rather than goodenough believers, while in truth manifesting an insufficiency of loving either their
neighbors or themselves?
I believe God is constantly calling us to be good-enough people of faith. What that looks
like is unique to each one of us, but at its core it has to do with authenticity. True
people of faith struggle in living out that faith, in the way that any good parent
recognizes that, while there has to be some constancy in her parenting, some unifying
principal so that the child isnt unsettled under a cloud of not knowing what to expect,
there also has to be flexibility . . . responding to contingencies, maintaining an ever
shifting balance between competing needs and interests.
Ive said before and will again that, instead of competing with a theory of evolution, and
instead of simply accommodating evolution, wed do well to see faith as evolution itself an ever evolving process thats impossible to pin down. When were you saved? How
about every minute of every day? How does that faith manifest itself in you? When your
love of God and your love of your neighbor and yourself are good enough.

One final question: Whats the better way to love our neighbors as ourselves - through
assertiveness - this is the way to God, this and no other - or through curiosity - who are
you? How can I help you find your way? What do you have to teach me? I vote for
curiosity. You?
Amen.