Children are the impressions of their parents

behaviour. If a child behaves badly his parents

should be considered responsible and should
be punished. How far you agree with this.
A Parent's Job As A Role Model
Written by Anthony Kane, MD
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For a child, the most important people in the
world are his parents. Your behavior as a
parent leaves permanent impression in the
child's subcuscious mind.

A certain educator was once asked at what

point should a parent begin to prepare for
child raising.
"How old are you?" the educator inquired.
"Twenty-three."
"You should begin twenty-three years ago."

What is the message? The single

most important thing a parent can do to
educate a child is to provide the child with a
good role model. A parent has to work a
whole lifetime becoming the type of person
that he wants his child to become.
The most important people in the world in the
child's eyes are his parents. They are his first
and most important teachers. The behavior of
a child's parents leaves a permanent
impression in the child's subconscious mind.
Why is this so? The reason is that the most
reliable source of priorities and values in a
child's eyes is his parents. Children have an

innate trust in their parents. They feel that

everything their parents say and do is the
true and proper way to behave.
We all wish our children would do what we say
and not what we do. However, this is not how
the mind of a child works. The intellect of a
child is undeveloped. As a result, children
function on an emotional level, absorbing
more from what they see and hear around
them than from what they are taught.
Parents Have a Huge Influence on Child
What is the take home message? The main
thing for you to realize is that you have far
more influence on your child than you
probably realize. Your child is going to pattern
himself after you. That is how nature set it up.
Your job as a parent is to be the best role
model that you can be. True, it is hard, but
that is the way it is.
The following is a story I heard recently that
brings out the extent to which your child
learns from your actions.
A certain kindergarten teacher once warned a
group of parents to be careful how they

behave in front of their children. "By the way

your children play in school," she said. "I know
which of you treat each other respectfully. I
know which of you use foul language at home.
I know everything about how you behave in
your home by the way your child plays, talks,
and behaves."
Remember, you might think that everything
that goes on in your home behind closed
doors is hidden from the world, but it is not.
Your child sees everything. Your child is going
to take your behavior and broadcast it to the
world. Make sure that what he is transmitting
is something that you want the world to see.
ABOUT LASTING IMPRESSIONS IN CHILD
DEVELOPMENT
PRINT
Nov 18, 2010 | By Corey Leidenfrost
Corey Leidenfrost has been writing and
working as a mental health therapist since
2001. His published works include college
newsletters, articles for the "Batavia Daily
News" and creative writing anthologies. He

holds a Master of Arts in psychology from

State University of New York-Brockport and is
pursuing a Ph.D. in clinical psychology from
Walden University.

Photo Credit
Jupiterimages/Comstock/Getty Images
When experts talk about lasting impressions
in child development they divide it into
different domains, including cognitive,
physical and social development. The Centers
for Disease Control and Prevention indicate
that the first several years of life influence
how a child develops throughout the rest of
his life. Many different factors may affect child

development in both positive and negative

ways.
Trauma and Abuse
A child and even infant who becomes a victim
of abuse, neglect or maltreatment or is
exposed to emotional trauma, such as
domestic violence, may be affected in
profound ways. These experiences can have
negative effects on the way the brain
develops, according to the Child Welfare
Information Gateway. These problems may
emerge as emotional or behavioral problems
or as problems with learning. As a result of
abuse exposure, children may develop
problems with attachment, the Child Welfare
Information Gateway warns. These children
find forming trusting and loving relationships
with others, including parents and caregivers,
very difficult. Without intervention, these
problems may persist throughout a lifetime.
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Parenting Style

Researchers have identified four types of

parenting styles; authoritarian, permissive,
neglectful and authoritative. Kidsgrowth.com
writes that these parenting styles are
associated with positive and negative
outcomes for children. Years of research find
that an authoritative style works best for
children. In this style parents provide
structure and clear expectations for behavior,
encourage making choices and decisions, and
actively communicate with their children.
Children raised by an authoritative parent
tend to become healthy, confident and
independent people. The other styles
generally result in negative lasting
impressions on children. For example,
permissive parents provide little structure and
allow their children do what they want.
Consequently, these children tend to develop
little self-control and become angry easily.
Psychological Problems
Children may develop a variety of
psychological problems, sometimes due to
genetic factors or due to exposure to trauma
and abuse. Typical childhood disorders,
according to the Child Development Institute,

include attention deficit/hyperactivity

disorder, anxiety, depression, oppositional
defiant disorder, bedwetting and autism.
Untreated psychological problems may affect
all aspects of childhood development, as they
generally disrupt normal day-to-day
functioning. For example, the Child
Development Institute writes that ADHD
affects about 3 to 5 percent of children. This
disorder involves problems with hyperactivity
and the inability to sustain attention. As a
result, children with ADHD may have frequent
behavior problems, difficulties making friends
and may do poorly in school.
Media
Children spend extensive periods of time
exposed to different forms of media, such as
television, the Internet, video games,
advertising and movies. The Center on Media
and Child Health states that media may leave
negative lasting impressions on children. For
example, there are links between media
exposure and increased rates of smoking,
risky sexual behaviors, eating disorders,
obesity, low self-esteem, anxiety and
problems with aggression. Media exposure

doesn't cause only negative outcomes,

though. Positive outcomes, according to the
Center on Media and Child Health, include
high self-esteem, higher rates of
volunteerism, and better cognitive and school
performance. The difference between positive
and negative outcomes is influenced by the
type of content the child is exposed to and
the influence of parental monitoring.
Problems and Early Intervention
Negative influences on child development can
often be remediated through some sort of
treatment or intervention. The CDC indicates
that early intervention remains an important
part of preventing long-term problems
associated with any of the domains of
childhood development. Early intervention is
particularly important when a child has a
learning disorder or if he was exposed to
violence or abuse. Regarding parenting style,
parents can learn more effective means of
parenting, thereby improving developmental
outcomes for their children.

If children behave badly, should their parents

accept responsibility and also be punished?
Who is at fault for the behavior of a certain
individual? Is the parent to be punished for
the crime or "wrong doing" of their child?
Parents should have control of their own
children and are held liable for anything the
child does. They are the legal guardians, it is
not the child who teaches himself/herself to
be that way, it is the parent. They choose how
to raise their children, if the child is troubled,
that falls on the parent. Maybe because they
are either never there or they just let them do
anything. The other side of the story is the
children. Some are taught the right way but
tend to do things the way they want to and
not how they are taught to act. Some children
also act differently, their behavior in front of
their parents is a way different behavior they
show in front of other grown ups. I am for and
against this saying and I would briefly state
my ideas in the paragraphs below.

Parents play a big role in a childs life. A

parent is like a role model for the child,
whatever the parent does, is what a child
would do. How a parent raise their child is
how the child would behave. What the parents
sow is what they will reap also. If they raise
an undisciplined, disrespectful child, a
undisciplined and disrespectful child they
would get. There are certain parents who
discipline their children how they are suppose
to, but there are parents who do the opposite.
There are also parents who do not do
anything but just sit there and let their child
do whatever. Then when their child gets into
trouble, they blame it on the child which
causes peer pressure and leads to many bad
things beyond. A childs mentality is way
different from adults. Along the way the child
makes mistakes and these mistakes help
them learn a lesson from it and prepare them
for what the future holds. One of the biggest
mistakes.
Latest Posts

10 Ways To Guide Children Without

Punishment
"The reason a child will act unkindly or cause
damage is always innocent. Sometimes she is
playful and free spirited, and other times,
when aggressive or angry she is unhappy or
confused. The more disturbing the behaviour,
the more the child is in pain and in need of
your love and understanding. In other words,
there is no such thing as bad behaviour in
children. Instead there is a child who is doing
the best she can and we dont understand
her. Naomi Aldort
Parents are often shocked when they hear
that I dont believe in most of what we think
of as discipline (spankings, consequences,
timeouts) because it keeps kids from
becoming responsible, self-disciplined people.
How will my child learn how to behave?
they ask.
My answer is that children learn what they
live. The most effective way to teach kids is to
treat them the way we want them to treat
others: with compassion and understanding.

When we spank, punish, or yell, kids learn to

act aggressively.
Even timeouts symbolic abandonment -give children the message that theyre alone
with their big scary feelings just when they
need us most, rather than being an
opportunity to learn how to manage their
emotions. (But I'm a big fan of Time-Ins,
during which we remove our child from the
situation and sit with him to process the
feelings that were causing him to act out.)
That doesnt mean we renege on our
responsibility to guide our children by setting
limits. No running into the street, no hitting
the baby, no peeing on the carpet, no picking
the neighbors tulips, no hurting the dog. But
these are limits, not punishment.
Are you wondering how your child will learn
not to do these things next time, if you dont
discipline him when he does them? Then
youre assuming that we need to punish
children to "teach a lesson."
Actually, research shows that punishing kids
creates more misbehavior. Being punished
makes kids angry and defensive. It launches

adrenalin and the other fight, flight or freeze

hormones, and turns off the reasoning,
cooperative impulses. Kids quickly forget the
bad behavior that led to their being
punished, even while theyre processing the
emotional aftermath of the punishment for
weeks or months. If they learn anything, its
to lie and avoid getting caught. Punishment
disconnects us from our kids so we have less
influence with them. It even lowers IQ, since
kids who don't feel completely safe and
secure aren't free to learn. Quite simply,
punishment is never an effective means of
raising a responsible, considerate, happy
child. It teaches all the wrong lessons.
If, instead, we can stay kind and connected
while we set limits, our children will
internalize what theyve lived. They don't
resist our guidance, so they feel connected,
and they see their impact on others, so
theyre considerate and responsible. Because
theyve had parents who modeled emotional
self-regulation, theyve learned to manage
their own emotions, and therefore their own
behavior. Because theyre been accepted for
all of who they are, theyre in touch with their
own passions and motivated to explore them.

So what can we do to guide children without

discipline?
1. Regulate your own emotions. Thats
how children learn to manage theirs. Youre
the role model. Dont act when youre upset.
If you can't get in touch with your love for
your child, act as if you can. What would a
really fantastic parent do right now? Do that.
If you cant, then take a deep breath and wait
until youre calm before you address the
situation. Resist the impulse to be punitive. It
always backfires.
2. Honor feelings. When your child is
hijacked by adrenaline and other fight or flight
hormones, he can't learn. Instead of lecturing,
do a "Time-In" where you stay with your child
and let him have his meltdown in your
attentive presence. Your goal is to provide a
calm "holding environment" for your child's
upset. Expressing emotions with a safe,
attentive, accepting adult is what helps kids
discharge and learn to self-soothe so they can
regulate their own emotions eventually. Don't
try to reason with him during the emotional
storm. Afterwards, he'll feel so much better,
and so much closer to you, that he'll be open

to your guidance about why we don't say

"Shut Up" (Because it hurts feelings) or lie
(Because it cuts the invisible cords that
connect our hearts to each other.)
3. Remember how children learn.
Consider the example of teeth brushing. Start
when shes a baby, model brushing your own
teeth, make it fun for her, gradually give her
more of the responsibility, and eventually
shell be doing it herself. The same principle
holds for learning to say Thank You, taking
turns, remembering her belongings, feeding
her pet, doing homework, and most
everything else you can think of. Routines are
invaluable partly because they provide
thescaffolding for your child to learn basic
skills, just as scaffolding provides structure for
a building to take shape. You might be mad
she forgot her jacket again, but yelling won't
help her remember. "Scaffolding" will.
4. Connect before you correct, and stay
connected, even while you guide, to awaken
your childs desire to be his best self.
Remember that children misbehave when
they feel bad about themselves and
disconnected from us.

Stoop down to her level and look her in the

eye: "You are mad...Tell me in words... no
biting!"
Pick her up: "You wish you could play longer...
it's time for bed."
Make loving eye contact: "You are so upset
right now."
Put your hand on her shoulder: "You're scared
to tell me about the cookie."
5. Set limits -- but set them with
empathy. Of course you need to insist on
some rules. But you can also acknowledge her
perspective. When kids feel understood,
they're more able to accept our limits.
"Youre very very mad and hurt, but we dont
bite. Lets use your words to tell your brother
how you feel."
"It's bedtime now. I know you wish you could
play longer."
"You don't want Mommy to say No, I hear
you....And the answer is No. We don't say
'Shut Up' to each other, even when we're sad
and mad."

"You are scared, but no matter how scared

you are, I need you to tell me the truth."
6. Remember that all misbehavior is
an expression, however misguided, of a
legitimate need.
He has a reason, even if you don't think it's a
good one. His behavior is terrible? He must
feel terrible inside. Does he need more sleep,
more time with you, more downtime, more
chance to cry and release those upsetting
emotions we all store up? Address the
underlying need and you eliminate the
misbehavior.
7. Say YES. Kids will do almost anything we
request if we make the request with a loving
heart. Find a way to say YES instead of NO
even while you set your limit. "YES, it's time
to clean up, and YES I will help you and YES
we can leave your tower up and YES you can
growl about it and YES if we hurry we can
read an extra story and YES we can make this
fun and YES I adore you and YES how did I get
so lucky to be your parent? YES!" Your child
will respond with the generosity of spirit that
matches yours.

8. Stay connected with special time,

every day. Turn off the phone, close the
computer, and tell your child "Ok, I'm all
yours for the next 20 minutes. What should
we do?" Follow her lead. The world is full of
humiliation for kids, so for this 20 minutes just
be an incompetent bumbler and let her win.
Giggling releases pent-up fears and anxiety,
so make sure to play, giggle, be silly. Have a
pillow fight. Wrestle. Snuggle. Let her tell you
what's on her mind, let her rant or cry. Just
accept all those feelings. Be 100% present.
Kids who know they can count on daily special
time with their parent flourish because they
trust enough to express their full range of
emotion, and they WANT to behave.
9. Forgive yourself. You cant be an inspired
parent if youre feeling bad about yourself,
any more than your child can act right if she
feels bad about herself. You can always repair
the relationship. Start today.
10. When all else fails, give yourself a
big hug. Then give your child a big hug.
Connection trumps everything else in
parenting.

Don't believe it? Try it this week and see what

kind of miracle you can make