How we can support

How Cruse helps bereaved people

Many of our families have found the support of people who are
prepared to listen to them going over the death time and time
again is invaluable. Some will find these people amongst their
own families and friends, others will prefer to seek help from
agencies, many use both. Try to be open minded to the various
types of support on offer.
We offer emotional support, help & information in a number of ways:
Telephone helpline Information
Local support group meetings
Our aim is to provide a safe, confidential environment, in which
bereaved people can share their experiences and feelings thus
giving and gaining support from each other.
For more details on our local support groups please contact us.

Cruse Bereavement Care is the leading national charity providing

bereavement support services in England, Wales and Northern
Ireland. We provide advice, information and support
to anyone who has been bereaved (children, young people and
adults) whenever and however the death has occurred.

It might help to share stories over the telephone with others who
have "been there" with the free Child Death Helpline
0800 282986. This is available for anyone affected by the death
of a child. It is staffed by volunteers all of whom
are bereaved parents.

When a child dies

Cruse offers face-to-face, telephone, email and website support.

We have a national helpline and local services throughout England,
Wales and Northern Ireland. We also have a website and
free-phone helpline specifically for children and young people.
Our services are provided by trained volunteers and are confidential
and free.
Local contact details
Cruse Bereavement Care,
Bexley and Bromley
Queen Marys Hospital,
B Block, Frognal Avenue,
Sidcup DA14 6LT
Tel: 020 8 304 5245
E-mail
bexleyandbromley@cruse.org.uk
You can find out more about
Cruse Bereavement Care and
its services online at
www.cruse.org.uk
Cruse National Helpline
0844 477 9400
Cruse young people's website
www.RD4U.org.uk
Cruse Young people's free-phone
helpline 0808 808 1677

Other Agencies
The Compassionate Friends
14 New King Street, Deptford,
London SE8 3HS
National UK Helpline
0845 123 2304
www.tcf.org.uk
Email: info@tcf.org.uk
Samaritans
National Helpline:
08457 90 90 90
www.samaritans.org
Email: jo@samaritans.org
Child Bereavement UK
Clare Charity Centre
Wycombe Rd, Saunderton,
Buckinghamshire, HP14 4BF
Support and Information:
0800 02 888 40
www.childbereavementuk.org
Email:
support@childbereavementuk.org

Registered charity: 208078

A company limited by guarantee no 638709 (London)
Registered office: Unit 0.1 One Victoria Villas, Richmond, Surrey, TW9 2GW
Patron: Her Majesty the Queen. Working towards equality and diversity.
Published November 2014

Somewhere to turn
when someone dies

Bereaved Parents come in all ages, it does

not appear to make a difference whether
your child is three, thirteen or thirty
if they die. The emotion in each
of us is the same.
The death of a child is widely held to be the most devastating experience
a parent can face. It represents the death of much unfulfilled potential.
The relationship between parent or carer and child is unique.
No-one expects their child to die before them. Most parents who
have suffered such a bereavement feel that it is against the natural
order of things and that they should not outlive their child.
The age of the child - pre-birth or adult makes no difference
to the grieving parent or carer. When a child of any age dies,
parents and carers lose much more than a precious son or
daughter. Life as they knew it has been irreversibly changed.
They lose a future which included a child they nurtured, cared for,
loved and who has now been cruelly taken away from them.
With younger children the milestones are different from those
of a teenager, or a young adult, but the pain surrounding
shattered dreams is no less whatever the age.
The sense of despair can feel overwhelming.

How you might be feeling

What might help

Everyone is different and everyone grieves the death of a child

in their own way. That doesnt make your response right or wrong.
Grief is made up of a surprising number of responses of varying
intensity. It is normal to shed a few tears, sob uncontrollably,
do neither, or anything in-between. There is no set formula and
no predictable timescale. Death brings with it shock, disbelief,
denial, confusion, helplessness - feeling as if in a dream.

You should not feel you have to carry your burden of grief and
overwhelming emotions alone. You can do things to help yourself:

The pain of facing reality can manifest itself in a number of ways:

Physical symptoms: disrupted sleeping patterns, loss of
appetite, extreme fatigue, emotional and physical exhaustion.
Separation anxiety: the deep yearning for the dead child,
the pain that feels as if the heart were indeed broken.
Conflicting emotions: anger and guilt.
The if only syndrome: if only the illness had been diagnosed.

Relationships
Parents may change so much after the death of their child that to
each other they become unrecognisable as the people who met
and began a family life years before. They will need to discover
who they are all over again and both partners will need space and
time as they grieve for their child in their own way and on
different timescales.
My wife would be crying when I left and still crying when
I came home well, I was sad too but I still had a job
to do and I ended up becoming absorbed and getting
through the day one way or another.
Marriages and partnerships may shake or crumble under the
heavy weight of grief and loss but in time many will find a path
forward. They can become stronger and life will mean something
again. Others will be different. Some adults find the death of a
child too painful to contemplate and cope by switching off.
It can be hard if your partner appears unaffected or is behaving
in what might come across as an insensitive or
inappropriate way. It might help to remember
they are still grieving, just doing
it differently.

Try to remember that people do want to help

They just need to be shown how.
Look after yourself
Try to function and not to bite off more than you can chew,
start with small essential everyday tasks if possible.
Be gentle on yourself
Recognise there will be times where you will seem to go backwards.
As time goes on, the setbacks will become fewer, but this does not
happen overnight. You will not awaken one morning and
miraculously be filled with the joy of life.
Talking to other people often helps
Talk to a close friend, a family member, your doctor, a faith
leader, someone you trust and with whom you feel able to share
your thoughts and feelings.
Talk to other parents who have been bereaved many people find
there is a level of understanding and acceptance that can only be
found with another parent whos child has died.
Talk to someone from a bereavement support organisation

Family, friends and colleagues mostly do not

know what to say, or how to treat you. Unless
they have already faced the enormity and finality
of death themselves, how can they possibly
understand the breadth and depth of your
needs? Listening is the greatest skill
that I found was missing.