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Ariana Braia

Comm231-0101
W/R#2 TA#1
Dec. 4, 2014
Person on the Street A#1 Portfolio Synopsis
A. Type of Story: News story based on various interviews
a. Key Story Elements:
i. Includes a mainbar and two captioned photos that I took.
b. Techniques:
i. I used the F-O-R-K method to state a clear focus of my
story, group my sources together by views, repeat words
like healthy and dining hall to restate the focus and
block my sources so that they were easy to follow.
ii. I used a descriptive lead because I wanted to focus on the
South Campus Dining Hall, which is the main aspect of my
story.
iii. A circle kicker concluded my story and give a punchy line
about how the food may be delicious, but its very
unhealthy.
B. Focus/theme:
a. The focus of this story is students at the University of Marylands
views on the dining hall food, and how most of them are not
completely satisfied with the lack of options.
C. News Qualities:
a. I consider this an issue in the community because many students
are unhappy with the lack of healthy options at the dining hall and
they want this to change to prevent the inevitable college weight
gain.
b. Trends are another relevant news value because the dining hall has
made healthy changes since last year, which influences the
students and faculty who eat at the dining hall.
D. Target Audiences:
a. One target audience includes students who live in North Campus
dorms, South Campus dorms and suites who are required to have
dining plans.
b. This story also targets all UMD student and faculty who eat lunch
at the dining halls in between classes.
###

Ariana Braia
Comm231-0101
W/R#2 TA#1
Dec. 4, 2014
Person on the Street A#1 5Cs
Compare:
WCT
SEO CCT
WPS
SPP
PV
GL

Before
450
19
23.6
2.3
0%
11.5

After
364
19
18.7
1.8
0%
10.4

Cut (86 words - 19% percent)


- I cut out the words dining hall wherever I could because it wasnt needed; the
audience knows I am talking about the UMD dining hall because I mentioned it in
the head.
- I cut UMD in front of students wherever I could because, again, I stated in
the head that I talking about students from the University of Maryland.
- I cut when asked because it isnt necessary; simply saying the quote is
enough. I dont need to add that it was an answer to my question.
Contribute
- I changed my captions a bit; rather than using the verb models for Anthonys
picture, I made the caption much simpler. Same with Fernandas; I did not even
reference UMD because it wasnt necessary.
- I created a new paragraph after Malamed said a different thought because it did
not relate to his previous statement, even though they were both said by him.
- I took out minor details that werent important, such as fellow, freshmen,
and junior.

(more)

Braia, Comm231-0101, W/R#2, TA#1, A#1 5Cs p.2


Clean up
-GSPS
o I took out the semi colon after Photo source in my captions.
o I changed the word hold to have because its more straightforward in
stories like these.
o I had a couple of issues with subject-verb agreement; I referred to the dining
hall as a plural noun when it is a singular noun so I had to change them to it
and serve to serves.
-W/R-ed
o I deleted some of the things I listed in order to reduce my word count because
there were other things listed that gave the audience the point. For example, I
took out fruit when I was listing the healthy options people see. I also took out
two of the fruits that Fontaine is getting tired of.
o I changed the word fantasizes to simply said after Malameds quote
because the quote itself was enough to portray his dreaming.
o I was finally able to figure out how to highlight words in a light blue shade
rather than the standard bright blue. Although this is simply SOPs, it is important
that prospective employers can easily read my work through the highlights.
Collaborate
o My TA, Chelsea, suggested that I reference the Diamondback style guide to
correct some of my style mistakes; I did not know that South Campus Dining
Hall was referred to as just the dining hall on second reference.
o Professor Toth circled many words in my story that werent necessary or that
should be changed to a better word; he suggested I delete words like very and
there are.
o Professor Toth said to make my deck shorter by changing some verb
conjugations and word order.
###

UMD healthy dining


Univ. of Maryland students express frustrations with dining hall
Students voice opinions about dining services
By: Ariana Braia

The South Campus Dining Hall is one of two major eating locations on
campus. This dining hall attracts students because of its convenient location to
academic buildings, along with its salty stir-fry and meaty burritos. But just how
healthy are these mouthwatering selections?
Students who dine here have differing views regarding the food offered,
however, they proposed constructive ways to make the dining hall healthier. Some
students believe that the dining hall provides enough healthy food such as the
salad bar and deli, but many feel that does not suffice.
Freshman Devon Donovan, one of the few who thinks that there is enough
healthy food offered, says it is up to the student to take advantage of it.
Her friend, Anthony Fontaine, agreed, but wishes they served a better
variety of fruit, such as blackberries and raspberries, rather than the mundane
apples and bananas.

(more)

Braia, Comm231-0101, WR#2, TA#1, Healthy Dining, p. 2


Opposing views
Zak Malamed disagrees; As a vegetarian, I feel very limited. I am eating
the same thing every night for dinner! he exclaimed.
Malamed believes that the dining hall should offer
more of a variety for people with eating restrictions. If they
had fresh mozzarella, I would be a very happy person, he
said.
Senior Fernanda Tscha also doesnt sees healthy
options, only fatty, oily foods. She suggested that the dining
hall serves rice, which she often eats back home in Brazil,
because its a healthy option that students can concoct in
various ways.
Sebastian Preilipper believes it is important to eat
healthy because, the body is the temple.

(more)
Braia, Comm231-0101, WR#2, TA#1,
Healthy Dining, p. 3

Anthony Fontaine casually


drinks his morning cup of
coffee.
Credit: Ariana Braia

Expert view
Director of dining services Colleen Wright-Riva supports Preilippers idea,
saying, Student success is influenced by overall wellness, which includes good
physical, mental and emotional health. She continues, A balanced diet plays
into that wellness. Wright-Riva also explains the healthy changes that dining
services have already implemented: egg whites at the omelet station and only the
option of fruit, not a dessert, with your dinner value meal.
Although students have the tasty options of salty stir-fry and meaty
Fernanda Tscha admits
burritos, no one can deny their high calorie count.
that she loves the ice
cream from the dining
hall.
###

Credit: Ariana Braia