WRITING PRECISELY

EXAMINE YOUR PARAGRAPH.

How many of your sentences say EMPTY things such as:
Once again Hurstons diction tends to give us the feeling of atmosphere. [What is the atmosphere?!?]

The author uses metaphors and personification when shes writing about what her characters feel. [How about some
concrete examples? And just what do those characters feel?]

In order to create this element she had to use many writing techniques in order to make readers clear of her intentions.
[Shouldnt the topic sentence make this more clear to the reader in more specific language?]

Hurston uses theme in this passage to give you more of a sense and feel of the book. [What is the sense and feel of the
book?!?]

The passage sets up the theme so we can know what this book is about. [How about telling the reader what the book is about?!?
]

How many of your ideas are INCOMPLETE:

Hurston gives the reader the idea that Janie is changing and doesnt care which male gives her love as long as she
receives it and when her Nanny sees this she becomes alert. [How does Hurston do what the first half of the sentence says she
does?]

The images of nature recur throughout the book and they are described with great details and expanded upon. [How
about providing details and explaining how Hurston expands them?]

Hurston uses a lot of personification in this passage. [Why?]

Janie asks herself many rhetorical questions in this passage like [So what? Why does she ask these questions?]

The house is closed off and confined which only makes outside seem even more appealing. [This is getting better, but how
about adding the diction that helps convey the houses confined atmosphere?]

Try using precise language and specific details:

Hurston mentions the panting breath of the breeze which, along with the visiting bees sinking into the sanctum of a
bloom, seems to symbolize sex.

The rose was breathing out smell, it was giving off a strong yet sensual scent, showing love was in the air.

First, the image of spring represents Janies awakening of independence.

To make this relation even more dramatic, Hurston makes everything inside the house and yard seem sickly and dull.
Nannys sick headache, the flies, the narrow hallways, and Janies stumbling all make the things inside seem that much
worse than those outside. Its as if things inside are what Nanny is like and those outside reflect Janies personality. [A
bit redundant in places and could mention imagery, but overall, a good chunk of writing.]

IDEAS AND QUOTES FROM DEEP REVISION BY MEREDITH SUE WILLIS

The purpose of adding to a piece is not merely to make it longer; nor is it merely to flesh out an idea or (perish the thought!) pad
it. The real reason to add is to get farther inside, to find new directions, to get a clearer understanding of your materialWhen I
think of going deeper, I always think of mining: you tunnel in, dig out the ore, and eventually smelt it to separate out the metal.
TRY THIS: Pick up the piece you are working on and add more, even if you thought you were done.
TRY THIS: Take an essay or short story you wroteand read through it. Then close your eyes and point your finger arbitrarily
into the middle of it, and, at the end of the sentence or the paragraph nearest your finger, write For example, and add a
narrative or other example that backs up what you are saying.
TRY THIS: In your piece, find a word whose meaning has always been a bit elusive to you. Use a good dictionary, and see if the
meaning of the word gives you any ideas for further additions that would deepen the meaning of the idea where the word appears.
One mundane way to add more to a long project is simply to create a daily routine that brings you back into your writing. The
daily act of writing itself, such as in a journal, can prime the pump. Another way to get restarted for adding more is to do a little
polishing of yesterdays work. [Your journal does have a purpose. Its practice in writing with detail and depthread your syllabus directions to
learn! And going back to yesterdays journal? Why not?!? Thats why journals arent collected every night. It allows you time for reflection]
GENERAL WRITING CONVENTIONS

PrecisionEliminate the word reader from your writing! Ninety-nine percent of the time it merely makes for empty writing.

Present tenseWe write about literature in the present tense because it is always happening:

The writers of books do not truly die; their characters, even the ones who throw themselves in front of trains or
are killed in battle, come back to life over and over again. Books are the means to immorality(Quindlen 69).

Marking titlesSometimes writers mark titles with underlining or italics, and sometimes they use quotation marks. A marked title allows a reader
a sense of what type of work the writer discusses. How do you know when to do which? Often, however, students do not know or remember
how to refer to titles of texts or works of literature they have read. There is a simple trick to help you remember: Big things get underlined;
small things get quotes. That may sound great, but what does it mean?
Big things refer to whole things, things published alone: books, magazines, newspapers, cassettes, CDs, movies, plays, web sites,
etc. All of these things stand alone; they may contain smaller things inside but do not necessarily have to. We always underline big
things. In the era of computers, italicizing a title means the same thing as underlining. Do not, however, do both: underline and
italicize; that is incorrect!
Small things refer to things that are parts, things contained in a whole thing: short stories, poems, chapters in a book, magazine
articles, newspaper articles, songs, scenes from a movie or play, databases, etc. Generally, these things are not published by
themselves, but rather are contained in something else. Short stories, poems, and chapters do not stand alone; books contain these
things. Likewise, magazines and newspapers contain smaller things called articles. Cassettes and CDs all contain songs. Movies
and dramas contain scenes and acts. Web sites contain databases and articles. These things always take quotation marks.

Author referenceWhen referring to an author, use the authors entire name when you introduce him or her. After that refer to the author by
last name only, no Mr. or Ms.; no first name references.

Formal writingDo not write as you speak. Interjections or space fillers such as well have no place in an academic essay. Spell out all
contractions. Name passages you write about so that you do not have to continually include quotes unnecessarily: passage one, the Never passage,
etc. Spell out numbers one through ten; after that use numerals unless the number begins a sentence. Numbers referring to book pages must
never be included in sentences! Use proper citations. Likewise, use parentheses only for citations.

Proper citationsFollow Writing Guide rules for this (160)! If you cite more than one author, the correct citation format is (author 72); note
there is no comma between author and page number! If you feel want to use parentheses, substitute commas or dashes!

ProofreadingOne of the best ways to ensure quality writing requires some time and attention. When you have finished writing, set your work
aside. Your brain is efficient and likes to substitute what it meant to communicate rather than what you actually wrote, so do something else for
enough time to forget about what you have written. Then return to your writing and read it ALOUD so that you hear what you wrote. Do this
slowly and carefully, paying attention to each sentence. If necessary, begin with the last sentence and work your way backward. You will see and
hear errors you would not otherwise have caught.

Topic sentences (TS)Visit the Writing Guide (145) to learn about the NASA formula for topic sentences; they must be arguments containing
the writers opinion(s), not merely summaries or statements of something that exists!

Thesis statementsLike topic sentences, thesis statements must contain the writers argument, some opinion. Thesis statements need tension in
them; they must put forth an idea that can be argued rather than merely stating some obvious or accepted truth. A thesis statement must function
to examine and question your subject to arrive at some point about its meaning that would not have been immediately obvious to your readers
(Rosenwater and Stephen 163). A good thesis:
Promotes thinking: leads you to greater precision about what things mean
Reduces scope: separates useful evidence from the welter of details
Provides direction: helps you decide what to talk about and what to talk about next
Contains tension: balances this against that in a form such as although x, nevertheless y (Rosenwater and Stephen 164).
Having a precise thesis is imperative for a good essay because like a camera lens, a thesis affects how we see the subject: If the thesis is out
of focus or fuzzy, evidence will not have much effect; it may be lost in the haze. To help a thesis evolve, think about the important terms;
be sure you know what they mean and can define, describe, clarify them. Consider not only supporting evidence but refuting evidence. If
you can examine contradictory evidence and use it to help you better understand and argue your own point well, you solidify and deepen your
argument (Rosenwater and Stephen 165-6).
Working thesis: Educating Rita celebrates the liberating potential of education.
Complicating evidence: Franks problems are caused, in part, by his education.
Revised thesis: Educating Rita celebrates the liberating potential of enabling, in contrast to stultifying, education.
Revisited evidence: Franks stultifying education is associated with a smug, stale elite. Ritas
enabling education corresponds with lower-class energy and does of real-life.
Revised thesis: Educating Rita celebrates the liberating potential of enabling education, defined as that which remains open to healthy doses
of working-class, real-world infusions.
Complicating evidence: Frank and Rita both end up alone and alienated.
Revised thesis: Educating Rita celebrates the liberating potential of enabling education, kept open to real-world, working-class energy, but
also acknowledges its potential costs in loneliness and alienation (Rosenwater and Stephen 172).
WEAK THESIS
1. Makes no claim: This paper will examine the pros and cons
2. Is obviously true or a statement of fact: Exercise is good for
you.
3. Restates conventional wisdom: Love conquers all.
4. Offers personal conviction as the basis for the claim: Shopping
malls are wonderful places.
5. Makes an overly broad claim: Individualism is good.

Quindlen, Anna. How Reading Changed My Life. New York: Ballantine Books, 1998.
Rosenwater, David and Jill Stephen. Writing Analytically. Boston: Thomson Wadworth, 2006.

FIX
Raise specific issues to explore in the essay.
Find a question or issue raised by the facts; create an assertion with
which a reader could disagree.
Work to see more than one point of view on your subject.
Try other points of view; treat your thesis as a hypothesis to be
tested rather than obvious truth.
Convert broad categories to specific, qualified assertions
(Rosenwater and Stephen 197-205).