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Bedknobs & Broomsticks

(children enter from SL holding suitcases and looking around, one points across the stage and then all
exit SR)
(Annika enters SR with a paint can and paint brush in her hand and pretends to paint a road sign
standing center stage; moments later Lars enters from SL driving a wheel)
Lars - You there. Which way to Pepperinge Eye?
Annika - Couldn't say sir. It said on the wireless to paint out the signposts in case the Nazis drop in.
Lars - I'm not a Nazi. I'm a British officer.
Annika - That's what you'd say if you was a Nazi isn't it sir? Drive on corporal.
(Lars shakes his head, turns the car around and drives off SL, Annika sets down the items, admires her
sign, brushes off her hands and exits SR)
(Children enter from SR)
Charlie Hello? Anyone? I cant believe the lady that was distributing the children just left like that!
Carrie Maybe she will be back.
Charlie Or maybe she didnt have a house for us to go to and didnt have the nerve to tell us.
Paul I hate the war Charlie. I just wish the war was over with and we could go home.
Charlie Lady! (looking left) Lady! Who is picking us up?
Paul She left the list over there before she left. I will check it. Rawlins. Here we are. Carrie. Charles.
Paul. Says we are to go with Lindsey and Eglantine Price.
Lindsey We are Lindsey and Eglanine Price, do you have our package then?
Carrie Package? I wouldnt call us packages?
Lindsey We received a call from Mrs. Hobday, saying that our package has arrived.
Carrie It says on the chart, that you are to home us.
Price Home you? No, we are not suitable to home you! We just came here to pick up the package that
Mrs. Hobday called us about.
All 3 kids: WE ARE THE PACKAGE!
Lindsey Excuse me, I will be looking in her office. Mrs. Hobday? Mrs. Hobday?
(exits SR, re-enters holding a package shaped like a broom.. there is a note on it)
Lindsey See! Our package, thank you very much.

Price Dear Lindsey & Eglantine Price, here is your package (look of see I told you to children); I also
am asking that you take the three children Charlie, Carrie and Paul with you and home them. I know
you have six bedrooms and can accommodate them. I would never ask unless it was absolutely
necessary! Thank you and I will check in with you in a couple of days. Signed Mrs. Hobday.
Lindsey Do not say a word. (looking at children)
Charlie We told you so.
(children follow the prices off stage L)
(children follow the Prices in from SR prices still have broom)
E - Bring your things inside.
Carrie - Bit murky ain't it?
Charlie - Yeah. Not another house around here for miles.
L - Wipe your feet.
Charlie - Big place this. Who else lives here?
E - We live alone. It suits us.
L - All right. Come along everybody.
[HISSES]
(children drop their luggage and hide behind it)
[CAT WHINES]
Carrie - Sorry miss the cat startled us.
L - No need for alarm. You just frightened him that's all.
[MEOWS]
Charlie - Yeah. Scared to death. You can see that.
Paul - What do you call your cat?
E - I don't believe in giving animals ridiculous names. I call him Cosmic Creepers because that's the
name he came with. (moving upstage to the bed) You will sleep in here. This was my father's bed set and
I want you to be very careful.
L - What was your names again?
Carrie - It's Carrie miss. Charlie and Paul.

L - Is that all you brought?


Charlie - We ain't exactly burdened down with frillies. Travel light that's us.
E - Well I don't think this arrangement is going to work but it seems that I have no alternative.
Paul - We'll do our best miss. Really we will.
L - The bathroom is along the landing. Supper is at 6. You will wash thoroughly.
All 3 kids - Wash?
L - You will wash yourselves. Otherwise there will be no supper. Is that clear?
(L & E exit SR)
Charlie - A house of horror that's what we've come to. The faster we get out of here the better. We can
take care of ourselves. Huddle up.
(kids huddle)
(L returns from SR)
L - Please don't bother to whisper. I am exceptionally keen of hearing. You are planning to run back to
London. If you have any more plotting to do, please do it elsewhere where I shan't have to listen to it.
I'm afraid I don't know much about what children eat. You'll have to make do as I do. Is there anything
particular that you fancy for dinner tonight?
Carrie - Sausage and mash. Bubble and squeak. Toad-in-the-hole. Fried fish. Oh anything at all.
L - I'm afraid you won't find any fried foods in this house.
All 3 kids - No fried food?
L - No.
Paul - How do you keep your health?
L - Cabbage buds, rose hips, glyssop seed, elm bark, whortle yeast and stewed nettles. I will see you at
dinner at 6pm, dont forget to wash.
(L exits SR)
Carrie Come on boys, looks like we are not getting out of it this time.
(children exit SL)
(L & E enter from center stage excited and with broom in hand; Lars enters and goes to front of stage; E
opens the letter)

Lars - "Dear madam with this shipment the Emelius Browne Correspondence College of Witchcraft
sends you its heartiest congratulations on qualifying for the first degree of your chosen calling. You may
now call yourself apprentice witch. Yours faithfully Emelius Browne." Our first broom. (squeal)
(Lars exit SR; they open the broom and cat crawls in)
L - "Clasp the broom with both hands."
E - Yes of course.
L - "No. Never astride the broom."
E - Yes of course.
L - "Technically a witch is always a lady except when circumstances dictate otherwise. Take an easy
graceful sideways position."
E - Of course that's much better. An easy graceful sideways position. There we are. How's this?
L - "To start up the broom your basic formula Lakipo nikrif scrumpet leetch"
(broom takes off, she falls on the floor she goes over to pick it up)
E - I wasn't ready!
L - "Lakipo nikrif scrumpet leetch"
(E goes crazy on broom and falls again L picks up broom, straddles it and L gets on behind it)
L - It's going to be a little different this time.
[CAT MEOWS]
L - All right I know it's not ladylike. Lakipo nikrif scrumpet leetch
[WHIMPERS]
(they fly downstage right with the strobe and fog machine going)
(Children enter from SL and stand upstage left looking at them and pointing)
Paul Do you see what I see?
Carrie - How does she do that?
Charlie - Because she's a witch. That's the sort of thing witches do.
Paul They don't fly to good do they?
(They fall and crash of the stage, then brush themselves off and exit with a limb and a hurt back)
Charlie - I'm having a bit of a think. A witch they are Then let's use the old loafs says I.

Paul - Let's get back to London and just leave tonight like we planned.
Charlie No. What we have here is an opportunity. They don't want anyone to know their witches do
they?
Carrie - Not ruddy likely.
Charlie - That's the opportunity. And I intend to make the most of it.
(children exit SL)
(L & E enter SR with children following.. L & E are still hurt)
Charlie - Hurt your foot Miss Price?
L - Oh just twisted my ankle.
Carrie - Sorry to hear that.
L - Thank you. It's nothing serious.
Paul - Lovely weather for flying last night.
E - Why did you say that Paul?
Charlie - The game's upWe know what you both are.
L & E - I see.
Carrie - Don't worry Miss Price. No one's gonna pinch on you.
E - Thank you. I should be most grateful if you didn't tell anyone in the village.
Charlie - Course. There'll have to be one or two little changes made around here. I mean I'd like to see
an occasional sausage on the table here. A bit of strawberry jam.
Carrie - Charlie!
Charlie - Let me handle this. And another thing Miss Price there'll be no more of this wash wash wash
morning and night.
L - Anything else?
Charlie - Now you mention it, I could do with a bit of lolly.
L - Lolly?
[GROWLS]
Charlie - Cash. Cold hard cash. You must have buckets of it.

E - For your information the most accomplished of witches can't make money out of thin air. Have you
ever heard of a rich witch?
Paul - Be that as it may you don't want us to blab do you?
L - Have you considered what danger you might be in? I am a witch you know.
[HISSES]
Charlie - What will you do turn me into a toad?
L - I might just do that.
Charlie - Go on then. I'll dare you.
L - Very well Charles.
Carrie - You shouldn't have said that to her.
Charlie - She don't frighten me. Neither of them can even ride a proper broom.
L - Excuse me Charles. Filigree apogee pedigree perogee
Carrie - Oh Charlie!
Paul - That's better than a toad. That's a rabbit.
E - Bother. You never seem to be able to manage toads.
[MEOWS cat chase]
Charlie - I'll teach you to do that to me.
E - Let Cosmic Creepers alone. Weren't his fault.
L - I'm afraid it's my fault. Bad enough not being able to manage a broom, I can't perform a simple basic
spell.
Carrie - You dared her to do it. I don't see why we can't all be friends.
Paul - Maybe she's not a wicked witch.
L & E - Of course were not.
Paul - See?
E - If only I could trust you. You see the work were doing is so important to the war effort.
Carrie - How do you mean?
E - I mean exceptionally important. Most secret.
L - What do you say Charlie? Can you keep a secret.

Charlie - Yeah. If someone made it worth our while. You give us something valuable to seal the pact.
Paul - Oh Charlie don't try to be clever again.
Charlie - It's for our own protection ain't it? If we broke the pact we'd have to give back the valuable
object.
E - I think it's an excellent idea. I wonder what I could give you. Would you settle for one of my spells?
Charlie - Bet that's not worth much.
Paul Come to think of it, I like you better as a rabbit Charlie.
Charlie - Shut up you.
Paul - Well I never had a rabbit.
E - When I signed for my witchcraft course there was a free bonus a certain marvelous traveling spell if
you paid promptly in advance. I think I'll give you that one.
Paul - Is it valuable?
L - Certainly.
(getting a book down)
L - Ah here we are. The traveling spell. All right everybody gather around. All right now let's see. Does
anyone of you have a bracelet or a ring or something that you can twist?
Carrie - No Miss Price.
L - What about you Paul?
Paul - Always carry a few things around with me. You never know when they might come in useful.
Piece of blue glass. Lovely bit of string. A horseshoe nail.
Carrie - What's that?
Paul - Knob come from the bed upstairs.
Carrie- It twists don't it?
Paul - Yeah twisted right off.
L - Yes I think that will be all right.
E - Hellebore henbane aconite, Glowworm fire firefly light There. Isn't that pretty?
Paul - Is that all we get?
L - This knob will now work the famous traveling spell.

Charlie - And what's the famous traveling spell?


Carrie - How does it work?
L - Well you take this knob and put it back on the bed upstairs. Then turn it smartly a quarter turn to the
left. Then in a firm clear voice tell it where you want to go and the bed will take you there.
Carrie - Will it really?
L - Well I see no reason to think otherwise.
Carrie - Oh thank you for the lovely gift.
E - Oh I'm sorry. But it does belong to Paul. He's the only one who can work the spell.
Paul - Me?
E - Yes.
Paul - That's right. Mine weren't it?
E - That's the way the spell works.
Charlie - Nice mess he'll make of things.
(knock at the door)
L - Oh bother. You children run upstairs. But mind you don't try anything with the bedknob till I get
back.
(Lars hands a letter in from SR seeing his arm only; L & E walk center stage and open it while Lars
then enters and walks downstage left)
Lars - Dear Madams, It grieves me to inform you that due to the war we have been forced to close down
our college of witchcraft. This means that we shall not be sending you the final lesson in which you
expressed so much interest.
(Lars exits stage L; L& E shake heads and quickly exit stage R)
(children enter SL and go to the bed, while L & E quickly enter SL to talk to them)
E - Paul I need the bedknob back. I must get to London immediately.
Paul - No. I want to go to the jungle.
E - Now Paul ridiculous as it may seem to have to explain this to a -year-old child but I do need your
help.
Paul - Go ahead.

E - I was expecting a very important spell in the mail from my teacher Professor Emelius Browne and it
hasn't come.
P - What's that got to do with my knob?
E - We must go to London immediately and see Professor Browne. With his help we may be able to
bring this war to a successful end. That is why I need the knob. What is your decision? (hands over the
knob) Thank you Paul.
L - Charles you better put on something warmer. The bed may travel quite fast.
Charlie - I'm not going. I'm staying right here.
Carrie - But why Charlie?
Charlie - All that rubbish about a traveling bed it won't work. That's why. Now how's a ruddy big bed
like that gonna get out of this room with those little windows?
L - I don't know Charles. There's a great many things about magic that I don't know. We'll just have to
find out.
Charlie - Lovely. Just so's you leave me out of it. I don't fancy making a fool of myself.
Carrie - What's come over you lately Charlie? You're no fun anymore.
E - Help me to tidy up the bed Carrie. We don't want to go to London with an unmade bed.
L - How old is Charles?
Carrie - Eleven going on 12 our Mother would of said that he is at the age of not believing.
(Carrie to mic; all others talk in silent)
Song: The Age of Not Believing
[SINGING] When you rush around
In hopeless circles
Searching everywhere
For something true
You're at the age of not believing
When all the make-believe is through
L - That's Charlie to a T.
When you set aside
Your childhood heroes
And your dreams are lost upon a shelf
You're at the age of not believing
And worst of all you doubt yourself
You're a castaway
Where no one hears you

On a barren isle in a lonely sea


Charlie - What's that supposed to be poetry?
Where did all the happy endings go?
Where can all the good times be?
L - Everyone on the bed who's going.
You must face the age of not believing
Doubting everything you ever knew
L - The knob Paul.
Until at last you start believing
There's something wonderful in you
L - Are you ready Paul?
Paul - Yes Miss Price.
L - Repeat after me. Take us to Professor Emelius Browne.
P - Take us to Professor Emelius Browne.
E - Very good.
E - Headmaster Correspondence College of Witchcraft London
Paul - Headmaster Correspondence College...Of Witchcraft London.
L - Now when I say go tap the knob three times and turn it a quarter turn to the left.
E - Now we better hold on tight. The behavior of the bed is something I'm not quite sure of.
L - All right Paul. Ready? Go.
Paul - One. Two. Three.
[Cat SCREECHES scares Charlie onto the Bed]
(Strobe, rewind music)
All 3 kids - Is this London?
(PB enters from SL with a cart and magic)
Paul - Look. Professor Browne.
PB - Ladies and gentlemen. Gather around please ladies and gentlemen. Please note the name Professor
Emelius Browne. I am here to divert to amuse and yes even to help you.

L - That ain't the kind of professor I expected.


PB - You see it really doesn't matter what I do what I do as long as I do it... ...with a flair. What effect a
little smoke is. With a dash of hocus-pocus and the scent of burning... And the scent of burning sulfur in
the air.
And now Ladies and gentlemen for my next trick may I draw your attention to this solid piece of
ordinary window glass framed in an ordinary unprepared frame. May I also draw your attention to this
perfectly ordinary steel nail. Now I shall place the framed glass in this brown unprepared... Unprepared
mark you ladies and gentlemen. Unprepared brown paper bag. I shall now attempt to drive the steel nail
through the glass without breaking the glass.
"Impossible" I can hear you say. We shall see.
PB - You young sir. Would you care to warble like the storied nightingale? With this inexpensive device
you can charm the very birds down from the trees like so.
[BIRD SINGING]
Paul - How much?
PB - For you sir one penny. One copper coin of the realm.
E - Is that Professor Browne?
PB - It is indeed my dear. How may I serve you? Would you be interested in the mating call of the
Brazilian Matouacan bird known as the bird of love?
E - You are the headmaster of the Emelius Browne Correspondence College of Witchcraft?
PB - The late headmaster. The college alas is now defunct.
E - Professor Browne, my sister and I are one of your pupils. We was shocked and dismayed when you
closed down the college without that most important last lesson.
PB - I'm sorry my dear. No refunds. Look at your contract.
E - But I must have the spell that comes with the last lesson.
PB - The matter is closed. I bid you good day. I have an appointment.
E - The matter is not closed. Filigree apogee pedigree perigee Now I trust you will listen to me a bit
more closely.
PB - What was that about?
L She changed you into a rabbit with one of your own spells.
PB - My spell? From my school?
L - Not one of your best spells in point of fact. It doesn't last very long. Some of your others are much
better.

PB - But I don't understand. My spell? They were just nonsense words that I got out of an old book.
L - Well they work perfectly well for us.
PB - They work for you? Some kind of destiny has brought us together.
E - You got the words for these spells out of some old book you say?
PB - Well more or less. I changed them round a bit. I gave them a bit of my own style as it were. The old
sorcerers did have a bit of a tendency to waffle on. But dear ladies I never thought I'd meet somebody
like you both using them!
E - Mr. Browne will you please stick to the point? I would like to see this book immediately.
PB - Certainly. It's at my new townhouse. Would you care to join me for luncheon? We can discuss my
ideas at the same time.
E - Thank you. We'd be delighted. We shall all go together.
Paul - On the bed everyone!
E - Will you give the address to Paul please?
PB - My traveling spell? That works as well? (pause) 8 Winchfield Road.
P - Bed take us to 8 Winchfield Road.
(strobe and fog)
L (getting out of the bed) Alright we are here. Mr. Browne the book. Where is it?
PB Dears you are relentless. The book is in the library and we shall proceed there now. I have no
desire to delay you.
Paul Is this really your place Mr. Browne?
PB Actually, funny story.
L We are trespassing! Oh Mr. Browne!
PB No one has been here in hundreds of years. I see no reason to not put it to good use.
Paul I bet a sorcerer use to live here.
(out comes the book cart)
PB Here is the library.
Charlie thats a small library.
L Use your imagination (looking at audience)

PB - Just think how successful I could be with an assistant who can really do magic. Have you ever
considered entering what some of us call "show business"?
E - The what business?
(while people are looking at the book shelf)
PB - The theater. Pantomimes, village fairs, the sea side, Brighton Blackpool, follies on the prom.
E - Mr. Browne we have very important work to do.
Charlie I dont know, he just might be onto something.
(Charlie to mic remember how you changed the lyrics)
[SINGING]
Let us strike a bargain
You possess a gift
But I can speak the jargon
That will give your gift the needed lift
Oh?
You possess the know-how
And I command the show-how
Oh how successful you could be
With me
I'm afraid we're wasting valuable time.
What's your name?
Miss Price.
No no your first name my dear.
Eglantine.
Eglantine.
Eglantine, Eglantine
Oh how you'll shine
Your lot and my lot
Have got to combine
Eglantine, Eglantine hark to the stars
Destiny calls us the future is ours

As the shine sells the boot


And the blossoms the fruit

All you need to succeed in your plan


Is the proper ally upon whom to rely
And I'm your man
For I have an acumen
That's nigh superhuman
I sell things that nobody can
So I humbly suggest
You accept my behest
I'm your man
Eglantine, Eglantine
Mr. Browne.
Oh how you'll shine
Mr. Browne, Will you please stop?
Your lot and my lot
Have got to combine
Eglantine, Eglantine hark to the stars
Mr. Browne do you hear me?
Destiny calls us the future is ours
(Paul pulls a book off the shelf and goes to read it downstage right)
Charlie - What are you reading? Isle of Naboombu. There be no such place.
Paul - There is to such a place. These pictures proves it dont it.
Carrie - Bid weird aint it animals wearing hats and things
L - Now where is the book? Well where is it? (he hands her the book) At last Mr. Browne.
[MISS PRICE READS TITLE]
E - The Spells of Astoroth, Of course. Oh here's the traveling spell. This is where you got it.
L - Ah here we are "Substitutiary locomotion." "The ancient art of..." Et cetera. "The spell which creates
this force is five mystic words. These words are..." But the rest of the book is missing.
PB - Now you see why I closed down the college.
L - But where are the other pages?
PB - Haven't the foggiest.
L - Listen to me Mr. Browne.

PB - I'm all ears.


L - You will be if you don't pay attention. Where did you get this book?
PB - Well I bought it from a chap in the street market. There was a sort of scuffle the book tore he got
one half and I got the other.
L - But where's the other half now?
PB - Oh it's probably been thrown away. But if it still exists there's only one place to find it.
(All Cast not PB) Where is that?
Music - Song: Portobello Road (song and dance)
EMELIUS [SINGING]
Portobello Road, Portobello Road
Street where the riches
Of ages are stowed
Anything and everything
A chap can unload
Is sold off the barrow
In Portobello Road
You'll find what you want
In the Portobello Road
(in the song and dance, Children exit stage R)
(stranger enters)
E Excuse me, I am looking for the other half of this book.
Stranger Hey guvnor. Oi tosh. Something for the lady friend? Nylons?
PB - No thank you.
Stranger - coupons? Chocolates?
PB - No.
S - Would you fancy this then? (pulling out a knife)
PB - Ah, now you have my undivided attention. What can I do for you friend?
Stranger - You're to get over to the Bookman straightaway. He wants to see you. You too.
L - Who is the Bookman? And what right has he got to order me about?
PB - Under the circumstances I think we better ask questions later. Excuse me.

(they circle around the stage)


(the bookman enters from SL)
E - Mr. Browne isn't that the section of the manuscript that we've been looking for?
Book - Who is this person?
PB - Miss Eglantine Price a charming young woman of my acquaintance.
Book - Miss Price I've been looking for this other bit a long time. Mr. Swinburne told me you were in
the market making inquiries. And here we are. I don't mind saying to see it all together at last there isn't
much I wouldn't do...
Stranger - Or haven't done for that matter. Right guv?
Book - You'll close your mouth Swinburne. Is that clear? It's all rather like a jolly detective story or
jigsaw puzzle isn't it? We're both after the same spell. You have one clue I have the other.
E - Yes. In that case the sensible thing seems to be for us to cooperate.
Book - I assume you're looking for the same thing I am. May I? This is quite a moment for both of us.
"Substitutiary locomotion the lost miracle of the ancients." And so on and so forth. Ah here we are. "The
spell which creates this force is five mystic words. These words are..."
E - "Engraved on the star that was always worn by the sorcerer Astoroth."
Book - But where are the words of the spell?
E - I assumed they'd be in your half of the manuscript.
Book - But I thought they'd be in yours.
L - Once again a dead end.
Book - I shall never know the secret.
PB - Isn't that old Astoroth? And there's his star. It's a pity it's so small you can't read the writing.
L - But why the animals?
Book - Towards the end of his life Astoroth kept animals in cages and searched for the spells that would
make them more like humans. The legend is that finally the animals rebelled at the experiment killed
Astoroth and stole many of his powers.
L - Including the star with the spell on it.
Book - Possibly. They found a ship sailed away and were never heard of again. However there is a final
notation in my half of the book saying that in the 17th century a shipwrecked lascar was taken from the
sea half mad with thirst and exposure to the sun. Before he died he swore he had seen an island ruled by
animals.

L - Where?
Book - There is I regret to say no such island. I looked for it in every chart. The Isle of Naboombu does
not exist.
(Paul enters from SR)
Paul I have been listening.. in hopes to save you both and it does too. Got me own... There is too
such a place. Got me own book. There. Real pretty letters ain't it?
Book - Let me see it.
E - You're not interested Bookman. It's just a simple children's book.
Stranger - I'll be the judge of that. Give it to me.
Paul - No.
Stranger - Please don't annoy me. Give me the book boy.
Paul - Not likely.
Stranger - Bit of a stalemate isn't it?
E - Come along Paul. I believe it's time to go.
Book - Go? How my dear? The door is locked.
PB - Observe the fundamental weakness of the criminal mind. You will believe no one or anything.
L - The knob Paul.
Paul - Right.
(strobe light and fog stranger and bookman exit and change back into kids)
(lights normal )
Paul Come on, we have to get out of here fast, no more shopping at the market. Charlie, Carrie get
on the bed! Where to?
L - To the island of Naboombu.
E - I'm very curious about that place.
Paul - Good. Bed take us to the island of Naboombu.
(strobe light and fog)
PB - Beastly climate. I never did fancy the sea.
Charlie - Where are we?

Paul - Naboombu of course.


Carrie - Ain't never seen no island like this before.
Charlie - I'm afraid we may have fallen into the lagoon.
Paul - That's right. Here we are on page three. Oi, Mr. Codfish.
Tati - Hello young fellow. Welcome to Naboombu Lagoon.
Charlie - Now I'm hearing things. Fish don't talk.
Tati - Ahem. Not too bright is he?
Paul - He's me brother.
Tati - Oh? Sorry.
Paul - Mr. Codfish where is the island of Naboombu?
Tati - You mean the land part? Oh that. Straight up. You can't miss it. None of my business of course but
I shouldn't go there if I were you. Having troubles they are.
All - Troubles?
Paul - He's right you know. A lot of trouble.
L - Well trouble or not we should be getting along.
E - I wish to see who is in charge.
PB - What's the rush? It's really rather splendid down here.
Paul For once I have to agree with Professor Browne I like it down here too!
(Paul to mic)
Song: Briny Sea
[SINGING]
How pleasant bobbing along
Bobbing along on the bottom
Of the beautiful briny sea
What a chance to get a better peep
At the plants
And creatures of the deep
We glide
Far below the rolling tide
Serene

Through the bubbly blue and green


It's lovely bobbing along
Bobbing along on the bottom
Of the beautiful briny sea
What if the octopus
The flounder and the cod
Think we're rather odd?
It's fun to promenade
Bobbing along, singing a song
On the bottom of the beautiful briny sea
Look.
[ALL LAUGHING]
[FISH GURGLING]
It's lovely
Bobbing along
Bobbing along
On the bottom of the beautiful briny sea
What a chance to get a better peep
At the plants and creatures of the deep
It's grand
When you're dancing on the sand
Each glance
Bubbles over with romance
It's lovely bobbing along
Bobbing along through the water
Where we get along swimmingly
Far from the frenzy
Of the frantic world above
Two beneath the blue
Could even fall in love
Bobbing along singing a song
On the bottom of the beautiful briny sea
Bobbing along singing a song
On the bottom of the beautiful briny
Shimmery shiny
Beautiful briny sea

L Excuse me Cod fish have you seen the other half of this book any where?
Tati Why yes. There was some yelling above on the island. It was the talk of the sea you know. And
then in goes the other half of the book into the sea. They dove in and looked for it for a while. But I
never did share it with them. They would just go back to fighting over it again. Them been doing that
for years.
L Could we just have a gander at it? If you wouldnt mind.
Tati Sure, but only because she sang so pretty about us.
(gives book)
Charlie What does this spell that we have been chasing after do anyway?
E Well Charlie it stops the war. It will stop any war. Its a very powerful spell.
L and we intend to stop the current war!
(all look at the fish)
Tati I am getting the book
(gets the book and gives it to E)
E Look right here. Its the whole spell. Shall we say it all together?
(adlib yes)
Treguna mekoides trecorum satis dee
Treguna mekoides trecorum satis dee
Treguna mekoides trecorum satis dee
Charlie Thats it and the war is over.
L Simple, thats it.
Carrie But how do we know?
L Every other spell worked in the book, so this one should be just the same. There is no reason to
doubt it.
PB I admire your confidence.
Charlie I think its foolish.
Carrie If the war was over with, does that mean we get to go home?
E Yes, yes it does!
Carrie Paul, take us home!

Paul Bedknob take us to 5593 sw Sunnyside Road


(strobe lights and fog, blackout)
(in the dark)
Carrie, Paul and Charlie Mom, Dad! The war is over with!