Game of Thrones: More Feminist Than You

Think
Eliana Dockterman
June 14, 2014
http://time.com/2865626/game-of-thrones-more-feminist-than-you-think/

Theres been a lot of justifiable hand-wringing over the way women have
been treated on Game of Thrones this season. And if a scene where Jaime
rapes his love and sister, Cersei, next to their dead sons body wasnt
upsetting enough, the director of the episode stirred up further controversy
by saying the act becomes consensual by the end. Writers and critics
spilled a lot of ink explaining why rape cant become consensual, including
me.
What was especially disturbing was that particular sex scene was consensual
in the books. The show writers decided to add the part where she protests
against him as hes having sex with her (even if they didnt think of it as
rape). And women didnt fare any better in the next episode in which a group
of nameless, topless women are raped in the background of a scene.
But theres still a compelling argument for why we shouldnt write of Game
of Thrones treatment of women yet. As the season has progressed, the
women of the show have grown more powerful, sometimes even more so
than their male counterparts.
For some female characters, this growing strength has been literal: Arya
killed her first grown man with her sword; Ygritte refused to be scared by
some cannibals threatening her and threatened them right back; Olenna
Redwyne murdered Jofrey. Others have grown psychologically stronger:
Daenerys learned to objectify men in the same way men on the show have
objectified other women; Shae delivered the deciding blow in Tyrions trial;
Sansa recently learned to use her sexual wiles to manipulate Littlefinger. Yes,
women on the show are treated as sex objects, but now theyre learning to
wield their sexuality as a weapon.
Add these evolutions to the already-strong portrayals of other women on the
show: Brienne is as strong as Jaime; Melisandre has total control over Stannis
Baratheon; Yara Greyjoy can captain troops; Daenerys is queen of her own
people; Cersei is the strongest of her siblings; and Margaery and Cersei are
vying for control over the king. The strength of these women is all the more
impressive considering they live in a male-dominated world in which women
dont inherit property (except in Dorne), cant be warriors (except among the
wildlings and the ironborn) and are mainly expected to just produce heirs.
Whether fans like it or not, rape is a part of the Game of Thronesworldboth
in the books and onscreen. Rape and sexual violence have been a part of
every war ever fought, from the ancient Sumerians to our present day,
George R.R. Martin, author of the book series and occasional writer on the
show, told the New York Times. To omit them from a narrative centered on
war and power would have been fundamentally false and dishonest.
And while its disturbing that the creators D.B. Weiss and David Beniof saw
fit to add the Cersei rape scene, they have also diverged from the book in
positive ways for women. They added a scene set in Sansas chamber where
Sansa tells Littlefinger suggestively that she knows what he wants, leaving

the viewer to infer that shes learning to be as cunning as he is. In the books,
Daenerys frets over whether she should sleep with Daario; in the show, she
confidently commands him to strip and gazes at him in the way many kings
on the show have gazed at nude women before. The show writers even give
the badass Ygritte a much more robust role than she gets in the books.
Sometimes the show makes women less powerful, and sometimes it makes
them more powerful.
Sundays season finale will determine where the women of Westeros stand.
But taking the season as a whole, girls seem to be closer to running
the Game of Thrones world than they ever have before.
Still not satisfied? Then take comfort in the fact that next season
of Thrones looks to be the most woman-centric yet: theyre adding three of
Oberyns daughters and Arianne Martell to the cast. With each passing
season, it seems more likely that a woman will capture the iron throne.

The Abused Wives of Westeros: A Song of

Feminism in Game of Thrones
Ammy Zimmerman
June 30, 2014
http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2014/04/30/the-abused-wives-of-westeros-asong-of-feminism-in-game-of-thrones.html

Game of Thrones is famous for its boobs, battles, and baby dragons. But fans
of the original Ice and Fire series would argue that the F-word actually lies at
the heart of George R.R. Martins fantastical tale. No, the other F-word:
feminism.
George R.R. Martin, the beloved scribe behind the A Song of Ice and
Fire series, seems fairly convinced that he is a feminist. For Martin, Being a
feminist is about treating men and women the same I regard men and
women as all human. While Martins textbook take on gender equality reads
like its copy and pasted from an Intro to Gender Studies syllabus, its still
refreshing to hear from a fantasy writer, whose work has consistently
introduced three-dimensional female characters within the framework of a
historically misogynistic genre. Initially, HBOs Game of Thrones seemed to
tune into the feminist-friendly vibe of its source material, relaying the vivid
lives and quiet injustices endured by both the ruling class and the oppressed
other. Game of Thrones mission to reveal the inner fortitude of those whom
society renders weak or disposable, the unloved bastards and abused wives
of Westeros, is about as explicit as its sex scenes. Yet a myriad of
questionably misogynistic and inarguably disturbing scenes have, of late, led
viewers to question the efectiveness of GoTs feminist mission.
And while no character on the series is perfect, it does seem that the shows
women are more oppressed, weak, and petty than their male counterparts
nor does it escape critics notice that the strongest females on the show
appear to be those who have suppressed their femininity and gender
identities altogether. Of course, one could rebut that Game of Thrones is
merely fantasy; however, with their complex relationships to power, selfautonomy, and liberation, these problematic medieval women seem to have
something vital to tell us about our modern world.
The conversation about Game of Thrones and feminism has catapulted to the
top of Twitter feeds and Google alerts because of a particularly
upsetting rape scene. In the Season 3 episode Breaker of Chains, Jaime
Lannister approaches his sister as she mourns beside the corpse of her
recently murdered son. The situation is, naturally, a little more complicated
than it initially appears: Jaime and Cersei have been lovers for decades, and
the deceased Joefrey was the product of their incestuous relations. Jaime,
stumbling upon this tableau of maternal grief, proceeds to rape his sister, all
the while cursing the gods for making him love a hateful woman.
As an isolated televised incident, this scene is extremely disturbing in its own
right. It features rape, emotional abuse, and incest, all enacted over a childs

corpse: its like the producers behind GoT were playing a game of sexual
assault trigger bingo. A scene thats so cruelly arresting should, by the
implied rules of television drama, advance the plot in some unique way, or
serve to illuminate the complexities of its character. However, viewers
immediately questioned the necessity of this incident.
The harrowing television interaction was a huge departure from the parallel
scene in the novel. In George R.R Martins version, the intercourse is a good
deal more consensual (although, one could argue that the violent power
dynamics that pervade GoT all but eliminate the possibility of its female
characters granting true, enthusiastic consent). In A Storm of Swords, Cersei
does attempt to stop her brother at first, warning him that they might be
walked in on, or cursed by the gods. But eventually, she gets swept into the
spirit of the reunion, telling Jaime, Quickly, quickly, now, do it now.
Conversely, Cersei never consents on the show, and cries and objects
throughout the scene. So why did HBO go in such a diferent direction?
In an online counter to the pervasive Internet backlash (this is GoT, after all,)
Martin hypothesized that, The whole dynamic is diferent in the show, where
Jaime has been back for weeks at the least, maybe longer, and he and Cersei
have been in each others company on numerous occasions, often
quarreling. The setting is the same, but neither character is in the same
place as in the books, which may be why Dan & David played the [scene] out
diferently. While replacing a love scene with a rape scene might be more
justifiable in terms of the plot context of the television series, this shift has
larger, disturbing implications when read in tandem with the unending
vilification of Cersei, both on the HBO show and in the original series. The
message that comes across here is loud and clear: while ambitious men reap
lovers, wealth, and countless kingdoms, ambitious women are scorned as
unfeminine, cold, and crueland punished accordingly.
***
Cersei Lannister, the conniving, beautiful former queen of the Seven
Kingdoms, is a highly visible figure in Kings Landing; she can often be
spotted plotting, scheming, and feuding with powerful men. But despite her
faade of influence and autonomy, Cersei is actually one of the most tragic
characters on Game of Thrones. Married of to a man, Robert Baratheon, who
is in love with another, she finds herself scorned and alone. Robert belittles
and abuses Cersei, both physically and emotionally. In Season 1 he slaps her
full across the face and threatens to keep hitting her if she speaks out of turn
again. While Cersei finds love and comfort in the arms of her twin brother,
Jaime, he similarly casts her in a position of inferiority and powerlessness.
Cersei is not unaware of how her gender predestines her to watch from the
sidelines as countless men assume the political power she so wantonly
craves. In one particularly poignant Season 2 speech to Sansa Stark, Cersei
bitterly explains, When we were young, Jaime and I, we looked so much
alike even our father couldnt tell us apart. I could never understand why
they treated us diferently. Jaime was taught to fight with sword and lance
and mace, and I was taught to smile and sing and please. He was heir to
Casterly Rock, and I was sold to some stranger like a horse to be ridden
whenever he liked."

In this way, with all her talk of gendered frustration and societal repression,
Cersei is the living, breathing poster child for The Feminine Mystique. Like
any stereotypical, frustrated, 1950s homemaker, Cersei faces the problem
that has no namea unique, manic depression stemming from the fact that
she, unlike her father, siblings, and sons, was not born a man. The idea of a
woman propelled toward ugly behavior by her myriad gendered frustrations
is not foreignafter all, we all watched Betty Draper raise the bar of
homebound misbehavior throughout the first few seasons of Mad Men,
seemingly motivated by nothing more than her own boredom and desire to
piss of her inattentive, philandering husband. And yet, theres something
strange about just how evil and petty Cersei becomes.
Cersei is portrayed not just as a villain, but also as a harpya woman whose
particular brand of badness is intrinsically tied up in her roles as mother,
daughter, lover, and wife. Cersei is cunning, focused, and power-hungrynot
unlike her father and brothers. Why, then, are we led to believe that her
conniving ways are so inefectual and misdirected? Cerseis brother Tyrion is
a dwarf, and as such is derided and dismissed just as Cersei is due to her
gender. However, Tyrion is portrayed as even-tempered and intelligent, an
underrated force of his own. Tyrion evades societal prescriptions and
emerges triumphant, whereas Cersei is rendered powerless time and time
again, and often portrayed as a victim of her own feminine passions and
weak maternal instincts.
Cersei is apparently so malformed by her own lack of agency that she
descends into pettiness and paranoia, to the point that she appears
insurmountably distrustful of Margaery Tyrell, simply for being hotter and
younger than she is. InA Feast for Crows, Cersei jealously hypothesizes that
Margaery is her rival for Jofreys heart and mind: Every day in every way
she tries to steal him from me. This sheer, feminized pettiness diminishes
Cerseis innate power as a woman smart enough to question the patriarchal
system under which she resides, and bold enough to challenge the men who
seek to diminish her. Instead of portraying this power-hungry female
character as a ruthless pioneer, Game of Thrones paints her as an irrational,
heartless bitch. The coldest dimension of the Jaime Cersei rape scene is not
the fact of their twinship or the corpse in the background; its the implication
that a woman who does not sacrifice her body willingly, who does not behave
as a woman ought, is a hateful womanand she will be forced, through a
violent and unforgettable lesson, to remember that her body, mind, and life
are not in fact her own.
***
The natural rebuttal to any sort of critique of Cerseis systematic denigration
and vilification is that she is only one of the many female characters in this
series. Cersei undoubtedly harkens back to a stage of feminism that can be
classified as pre-sexual revolution: she is unhappy and enraged, but almost
entirely de-clawedshe lacks the means and the tools to dismantle the
patriarchy that oppresses her, and therefore must simply survive within a
system that pre-supposes her inherent weakness and inferiority. However,
fans might argue, other female GoT characters like Margaery Tyrell and
Daenerys Targaryen are prime examples of medieval Sheryl Sandbergs:
women who appear to have mastered their own destinies, in spite of losing
the genetic gender jackpot.

Margaery Tyrell is an expert courtiereven when she is married of to the

sadistic and cruel Jofrey, she manages to earn the afection and respect of
the little boy king. In this way, Margaery uses her feminine wiles to cement
her own power as Westeros queen-to-be. Yet, she is still very much a pawn
in the systemher body is actively sold to the highest bidder. Meanwhile,
Daenerys Targaryen resides on the next highest rung of relative female
liberation. Like Margaery, she is young, cunning, and powerful. However,
unlike Maergary, she appears to hold a mans power as a warrior,
politician, and seeker of the iron throneroles that are widely considered to
be beyond the meager abilities of the fairer sex.
However, Daeneryss story is not the feminist fairy tale it initially appears to
be. Daenerys was married of at the age of 13. In A Game of Thrones, the
sale of the underage Daenerys is described in brutal detail, with her brother
Viserys inspecting her pubescent body and asking, Are you sure that Khal
Drogo likes his women this young? A fair question, since Khal is estimated
to be in his thirties. Despite these horrifying circumstances, Game of
Thrones outlines the unfolding love story between Daenerys and her warrior
husband, who she eventually recognizes as her rightful husband and true
equal. This is not love. This is rape. Pedophilic sex is nonconsensual, period.
Furthermore, Daeneryss story rests on a racial narrative that is questionable
at best. Yes, Daenerys is a brave, just, ruler. She builds her political
campaign on the tenet of freedom as she marches through the East
liberating slaves and building her conquering army. But even as we laud the
image of this strong, female warrior, we must take a step back to examine
the implications of the kind white lady and her strange civilizing mission.
Daeneryss feminine goodness, her urge to mother a nation of former slaves,
is painted in contrast to the savage cities and cultures she encounters. She
must whitewash these brown men and women, rid them of their savage,
slavish ways, and repaint them in her own image. Surely, Daenerys is strong,
powerful, and liberated; but her larger narrative is anything but progressive,
and problematizes even as it empowers.
With Daenerys, Margaery, and Cersei out of the way, there are still two other
female characters to consider for the title of most liberated lady. Brienne of
Tarth and young Arya Stark are two women who fashion themselves as brave
knights. This tomboy status afords them freedom and strength; the liberty to
fashion their own futures, secure in the knowledge that they can defend
themselves (well, most of the timeloyal fans will remember that both
Brienne and Arya have at various points owed their lives to the valiant eforts
of male saviors). However, this less traveled path of female warriorhood isnt
all triumphant sword fights and liberation from traditional gender binaries.
Its important to note that both the books and the series describe these two
female characters as ugly, or at the very least, plain. We learn in the first
book that Aryas nickname is Arya Horseface. Similarly, Wikipedias
amalgamated description of Brienne reads, She has large, very blue eyes
that appear trusting and guileless, but they are her only attractive feature.
She is extremely broad-shouldered, but has virtually no bust. Her face is
broad and coarse, with a nose that has been broken several times. Her
mouth is too wide, with prominent and crooked teeth and lips so plump they
seem swollen. Both Brienne and Arya are found wanting in the traditional,
essential feminine arts: domesticity and beauty. The implication here is that
they adopt the dress and mannerisms of men because they have failed as

women. In this way, butch battle strength is ofered as an appealing, but

nonetheless secondary, option when being a good lady doesnt work out.
Throughout the Seven Kingdoms, a womans power is always restrained,
diferentiated, and compromisedunless she chooses to trade it in and
approximate a mans instead. Brienne and Arya are free in ways that their
traditional, ladylike counterparts can only dream ofbut this freedom is
wrought from the negation of their femininity, a phenomenon that is
illustrated in Briennes fearless defense of King Renly, a physical protection
that she, as an ugly woman, ofers him in lieu of her romantic love. Brienne
and Arya eschew their femininity and their gendered emotions in order to
pick up their swords, thus perpetuating the myth that womanhood equals
weakness. This need to deny their nuanced gender identities in order to
approximate masculine strength is a far cry from the ability to celebrate
femininity in all its diferent forms. Brienne and Arya are strong and
independent, but theyre hardly liberated.
While Game of Thrones presents its viewers with a spectrum of threedimensional female characters (which is a godsend in and of itself), none of
these characters ofer us a truly triumphant feminist narrative. Meanwhile,
the plotlines surrounding Jon Snow and Tyrion Lannister intimate that
bastardom and dwarfism, while difficult conditions, can often be surmounted.
The implied assertion that gender cannot be entirely escaped is simply
realism, both in Martins medieval world and our own. However, the
constant belittlement and abuse of these female characters, and the unsilenceable voice in the background of every episode of Game of Thrones,
the one that whispers of woman's ultimate futility, her interminable
imprisonment, the pettiness of her feminine agency if she is granted any at
all? That might be overkill.

MADNESS OF THRONES: GAME OF

THRONESCHARACTERS VS. HISTORICAL
FIGURES
Steven Attewell
April 2, 2014
http://www.esquire.com/blogs/culture/madness-of-thrones-round-1

A word up front about how this works: Thirty-two contestants have been
grouped into four conferences Kings, Queens, Hands, and Knights. Major
characters in Game of Throneswill first pair of against their historical
counterparts and then we'll pair of the winners to get our Conference and
then Tourney champions; in the case of characters who resemble a
composite of historical figures, we'll treat it as a tag-team match. Not very
fair, but then again, fair play doesn't get you very far in Westeros. Each
round, we'll pair these characters of, and preview the matches with a
description of each contestant's strengths and weaknesses.

KINGS CONFERENCE

The Battle of the Teenage Tyrants: Joffrey "Baratheon" vs. Team

Caligula and Edward of Lancaster
In a race for worst of the worst, it's hard to pick between Jofrey and his
historical counterparts. In terms of cruelties and deaths inflicted on others,
he certainly outpaces Edward of Lancaster, the son of Queen Margaret
D'Anjou who led the Lancastrian cause throughout the Wars of the Roses and
either Henry VI or the Duke of Somerset depending on whom you asked.
Edward notably enjoyed attacking his companions with weapons and
ordering captives executed, and died poorly on the field at the Battle of
Tewksbury, executed in a grove by the Duke of Clarence as he pled for his
life.
Jofrey got the chance to rule, and promptly devolved into murderous
tyranny, as fans of the books and the show remember. But all of this pales in
comparison to the madness of Caligula, who murdered and married his
relatives (sometimes the same person), financed his regime with mass
executions and confiscations, and had his horse made a consul.

It's a close match. One can only hope it ends with mutual destruction.

The Clash of the Curmudgeons: Stannis Baratheon vs. Oliver

Cromwell
Neither much-loved nor much lovable, Stannis Baratheon and Oliver
Cromwell were plainspoken, plain-featured, and plain-dressed men of iron will
and determination (although both prone to periods of depression) who made
their reputations on the battlefield yet felt compelled to make their way into
politics, and whose unwavering sense of mission derived itself from a
providential belief that a higher power had chosen them as their agent in this
world.

Stannis Baratheon at the moment remains defiant on Dragonstone, planning

his next campaign after the battle of the blackwater. A reluctant convert to
the faith of the Lord of Light, Stannis now believes himself to be the chosen
champion of R'hllor in the great war against the darkness.

Oliver Cromwell showed no such reluctance after a dark night of the soul
early in his life, Oliver Cromwell believed himself to chosen by a providential
God. And indeed, he could point to a virtually unbroken series of battlefield
victories in which his disciplined cavalry, led by men of low birth and
religious conviction, defeated anyone who took up arms against him.
Famously, his lack of vanity led him to insist his official portraits be painted
"with warts and all."

Another tight match, and one that raises the question: Is unbroken success
that results in a government that falls apart after one's death better than a
man who learns from his one defeat intent on never having another?

Glory and Glamour: Renly Baratheon vs. Edward II and Richard the
Lionheart
Sometimes, style is substance. Renly Baratheon may have been the
youngest of three Baratheon brothers, and his victories may have been
confined to the jousting tourney and Small Council debates, but he looked
the spitting image of a king. However, as I've argued, Renly had more of a
knack for campaigning than governance, and insufficient protection from
shadow assassins.
Renly's opponents and his historical sources show the strengths and
weaknesses of this kind of approach. Both Edward II and Richard I were men
who enjoyed "extravagance and frivolity," spending gold like water. Both
men were considered personally impressive and used their appearance to
enhance their charisma. And both men loved men: Edward II fell deeply in
love with the knight Piers Gaveston, while Richard I shared a bed with King
Phillip of France.

But their reputations difer wildly, depending on their military success.

Richard I may not have spent much time with his wife Isabella, but his
subjects cared more that he was also a master of siegecraft who won many
victories in France before he departed for the Third Crusade, where he won a
series of famous victories against long odds. By contrast, Edward II lost
virtually every battle he ever fought, was forced to abdictate by his own wife
and her lover Roger Mortimer, and was then murdered.

The question for Renly is whether his political gamesmanship can capitalize
on Edward II's weakness, or whether Richard's superior military reputation
will make up for the lopsidedness of his tag-team.

The Battle of Prodigies: Robb Stark vs. Edward IV of York

There are many similarities between Robb Stark, the King in the North, and
Edward of York, King of England. Both men inherited their position at a young
age upon the violent death and beheading of their father, and both men
claimed the crown on the grounds of ancient right. Both men fought in civil
wars, and never touched their swords in battle but to see victory on the field.
Both men married unwisely and sufered betrayal at the hands of their sworn
vassals.

But where they difer is that Edward IV was more gifted in politics and luckier
in his betrayals. As King, Edward successfully restored law and order to a
countryside wracked with banditry, doubled royal revenues, and was a bit of
a Littlefinger, successfully speculating in the wool trade and negotiating
favorable trade treaties with the Lowlands.

At the same time, his marriage to Elizabeth Woodville permanently alienated

the powerful Richard Neville, Duke of Warwick and "Kingmaker," who rebelled
against his old friend. Unlike Roose Bolton and Walder Frey, Warwick and
Clarence had to deal with the English Parliament, which wouldn't tolerate
them murdering a King in cold blood. Thus, they were eventually forced to
release him, at which point Edward managed a comeback and defeated
Warwick at Barnet Heath and the Lancastrians at Tewksbury.

After that, Edward went on a bit of a Robert Baratheon-style bender, overindulging on wine, food, and loose women, until his premature death at age
41. This leaves us with the question: Is it better to live fast, die young, and

leave a beautiful corpse, or end up as medieval England's answer to the old

Elvis?

QUEENS CONFERENCE

The Red Queens: Cersei Lannister vs. Margaret d'Anjou

Cersei Lannister's historical analogue, Queen Margaret d'Anjou of the House
of Lancaster, shared many of the strengths and weaknesses of Westeros'
Queen Regent. Both women were fearless champions of their family's cause:
Cersei committed adultery, treason, and murder, and overthrew Eddard
Stark's regency to put (and keep) her son on the Iron Throne; Margaret
d'Anjou led the Lancastrian cause, through a dizzying series of victories and
defeat that saw her flee into exile and return no less than three times.
Lannister or Lancaster, the Red Queens never give up.

Likewise, both women fought to overcome gendered attack on their right to

power Cersei had her arranged marriage to Robert Baratheon, Stannis
Baratheon's public accusations of incest and adultery, and then her father
forcing a second marriage on her; Margaret repeatedly faced accusations
from the Duke of York and the Earl of Warwick that her son, Edward of
Lancaster, was a bastard that she had conceived with the help of her ally the
Duke of Somerset.

Where the two difer is in their political styles: Cersei has the might and
wealth of House Lannister behind her, and has always relied on her brother
Jaime, her father Tywin, her cousin Lancel, or her family's guardsmen to
exercise power but the flip-side of that is that Cersei disdains political
alliances and tries to horde power in Lannister hands. By contrast, Margaret

D'Anjou was the daughter of an impoverished French royal, and thus had to
cultivate a strong following by handing out royal goodies to a number of
powerful families. While these alliances helped Margaret build and rebuild
army after army to carry her banner forward, some were more loyal than
others and she sufered repeated defections.

So the question is: Is it better to rely only on blood, or will isolation and envy
undermine your position?

The Roses: Margaery Tyrell vs. Anne Boleyn

One of the more important details that never made it from the book to the
show was that, before King Robert's death, his brother Renly and his lover
Loras Tyrell were engaged in a plot to make Margaery Tyrell the king's
mistress and then replace Cersei Lannister as his queen. This, together with
their common beauty and keen political wit, form the foundation of the
parallel between Margaery Tyrell and Anne Boleyn, who likewise pursued a
married king who had been a peerless jouster and athlete before running to
fat due to overindulgence in middle age, who was also an alleged virgin who
had to overcome an inconvenient previous arrangement, and who engaged
in a long political conflict with an older woman from a powerful noble family.

Unlike her historical twin, Margaery has more political assets to her
command Anne Boleyn was only a knight's daughter (although linked to
the Dukes of Norfolk), with few political allies among the noble families of
England, who quickly turned on her when she lost the king's favor. Margaery
is a Tyrell of Highgarden, with an army 100,000 strong and, just as powerful,
control over the South's major source of foodstufs.

Honestly, I think this is one of the closest matches out there but we do
know that whoever makes it to the next round, Natalie Dormer wins.

The Brides of the Horselords: Daenerys Targaryen vs. Honoria

It's hard to find a historical parallel to the last scion of a royal family of
dragon-riders who gives birth to three dragons of her very own. But there is
one figure who comes close: Justa Grata Honoria. Honoria was the older
sister of the Western Roman Emperor Valentinian III. An ambitious and
strong-willed woman, who was named Augusta (latin for Empress), Honoria
rebelled against a safe and boring marriage that her brother arranged to
keep her from attempting to seize his throne, and sent a letter to Attila the
Hun, promising her hand in marriage and half of Gaul if he would help
overthrow her brother. Attila jumped at the ofer and invaded Gaul, then Italy
when Valentinian blocked the marriage, practically burning the country to the
ground.

Like Daenerys, Honoria lost her horselord beloved in an unexpected and

untimely matter where Drogo died to an infection of a minor injury (or
poison), Attila the Hun got pass-out drunk at a feast, sufered a massive
nosebleed, and choked to death on his own blood.

Unfortunately for Honoria, she's drawn a very lopsided first round match:
Atilla the Hun and half of Gaul are no match for three fast-growing dragons. I
wouldn't bet much on this round.

The Voices of God: Melisandre of Asshai vs. Grigori Rasputin

Selyse might be Stannis' wife by law, but everyone (even Selyse) knows that
Stannis' true queen is the Red Priestess of R'hllor, Melisandre of Asshai. Her
historical counterpart is the infamous and legendary mystic Grigori Rasputiin.
Both figures combined charismatic personalities and sexual magnetism with
magical powers, which they parlayed into political influence, in both cases
initially through the monarch's wife.

Moreover, both figures were highly resistant to assassination Melisandre is

clearly immune to poison, while Rasputin survived being gutted by the
follower of a rival mystic on July 1914, and then in 1916 was poisoned, shot
four times, then attempted to strangle his attacker, then was shot again,
clubbed, stabbed, and thrown into the river through a hole in the ice,
although sources difer on whether he was dead when he hit the river or
drowned as well. It is unknown how well Melisandre would hold up to bullets
or physical assault.

So this matchup begs the question: Could Rasputin's faith healing cure the
lethal stab wounds of Melisandre's shadow-baby assassin?

HANDS CONFERENCE

The Lords of the North: Eddard Stark Lord of the North vs. Richard
Plantagenet, Duke of York
I've written before about the similarities between our protagonist from
season one ofGame of Thrones and Richard, Duke of York, the first leader of
the Yorkist cause during the Wars of the Roses and father to King Edward IV
and Richard III. Both men were career soldiers and powerful northern lords
who went in to politics to combat corruption in the royal bureaucracy,
clashed intensely with a powerful and willful Queen who exercised political
influence through her husband, and who both sought to throw the Crown
Prince of the throne, claiming that they were in fact bastards foisted on the
king.
If they difer, it's that Richard, Duke of York, was marginally better at politics.
His alliance with Richard Neville, the Earl of Warwick, gave him a political
constituency strong enough to make himself Regent and Lord Protector of
England, and the resources to go to war against the Queen of England when
he was forced out of office and declared a traitor. He was beloved by the
common people but viewed with fear, suspicion, and envy by many of the
leading noblemen in England. When Richard attempted to seize the crown of
England arguing that he had a better right to the throne, he was denied by
Parliament who merely declared him Henry VI's successor. On the other
hand, Eddard is clearly the better soldier while Richard was a career
soldier, he lost more than a few battles, and ultimately was baited into a
disastrous attack at Wakefield that led to his death. By contrast, Eddard
Stark never lost a battle.

So this is another close match if the two men met on the field, I'd give
Eddard Stark the edge; if they met in the council chamber, Richard
Plantagenet has an advantage.

The Kingmakers: Tywin Lannister vs. Richard Neville, Earl of

Warwick
Tywin Lannister is Hand of the King, Warden of the West, and Lord Paramount
of the Westerlands, the richest man in Westeros, and both a skilled, if
unscrupulous, battlefield commander and a cunning politician. His historical
counterpart, Richard Neville, was the richest man in England, the head of a
powerful political dynasty, a career although not undefeated soldier, and an
able politician.

Just as Tywin Lannister helped make Robert Baratheon king by assassinating

the members of House Targaryen in King's Landing, after King Aerys
alienated him over a refused marriage, Richard Neville turned on Edward IV
of York when Edward married a French princess and then refused to marry his
brothers to the Kingmaker's daughters, rebelled against him and captured
him, unsuccessfully attempted to have Edward IV disinherited as a bastard in
favor of George of Clarence, and then allied himself to Margaret d'Anjou,
marrying his daughter Anne to Prince Edward of Lancaster.

Where the two men diverge is in their methodology: Richard Neville was the
master of propaganda and public relations, and beloved by the merchants of
London. By contrast, Tywin ignored "soft" power in favor of using violent
death to cow his enemies, giving rise to the legends of the Rains of
Castamere and the Red Wedding.

This match comes down to the question: Is it better to be loved or feared?

The Pirates: Davos Seaworth vs. Captain Henry Morgan

Davos Seaworth, the Onion Knight, Lord of the Rainwood, Admiral of the
Narrow Sea, and Hand of the King, was born merely Davos of Flea Bottom. A
former smuggler who saved Storm's End and Stannis Baratheon with a timely
shipment of food, he was given a knighthood and severed fingers in reward.
Now, Davos is Stannis's Hand of the King and his conscience.

His historical counterpart and rum spokesman, Captain Henry Morgan,

started as a naval officer under Oliver Cromwell in the Caribbean. Liking what
he saw in the Caribbean, Henry Morgan parlayed his naval experience into
raids on Spanish settlements in Mexico, Honduras, Grenada, and Colombia,
got himself appointed a privateer admiral of a fleet of eleven ships, which he
took on a whirlwind tour of the Caribbean, seizing entire islands as pirate
havens, ransacking more than a quarter-million pieces of eight, destroying a
Spanish fleet at Lake Maracaibo in Venezuela, and sacking Panama City itself,
after which he was formally arrested for piracy by the English, put on trial,
acquitted, and made Lieutenant Governor of Jamaica.

While both men have a storied naval career, Davos is clearly more of a
defensive player and Captain Morgan more of an aggressive player. The
deciding factor in this evenly-matched contest is whether loyalty and luck
can outlast dramatic flair and a nose for gold.

The Maligned: Tyrion Lannister vs. Team Richard III and Claudius
Tyrion Lannister is something of a mashup of two diferent political figures,
Richard III of York, the Duke of Gloucester and King of England, and the
Emperor Claudius (of I, Claudius fame): All three figures were born with
disabilities that caused people to look down on them or were used against
them by enemy propagandists, yet who turned out to be talented
administrators.
As diferences go, while both Tyrion and Claudius were skilled administrators,
Claudius himself never set foot on the battlefield, whereas Tyrion has fought
and won in two major battles, the Battle of the Green Fork and the Battle of
the Blackwater. So clearly he has a military edge over that member of the
tag-team. However, Richard III has the edge there in his short life, Richard
fought with distinction at the Battles of Barnet, Tewksbury, Berwick-onTweed, and came within a hair's breadth of killing Henry Tudor (later Henry
VII) at the Battle of Bosworth Field. At the same time, while Richard was a
skilled enough politician to take the throne from his nephews, eliminate the
Woodvilles, the Baron Hastings, and the Duke of Buckingham, he failed to
neutralize the French who supported Henry Tudor, and was betrayed by both
the Stanleys and the Percys at Barnet Heath. Tyrion is a more able politician,
who's managed so far to survive all of his betrayals although it has to be
noted that Claudius, while poisoned by his wife, did manage to survive
through the reigns of three emperors as a member of a family so murderous
and incestuous that they make the Lannisters seem like the Huxtables.
I'd call this one an even match Richard's military experience
counterbalances Claudius' total amateur status, and Claudius lends political
nous to the tag-team, whereas Tyrion is more of a complete package.

KNIGHTS CONFERENCE

Sh*t for Honor: Ser Jaime Lannister vs. Cesare Borgia

Sometimes brilliance cannot overcome a bad reputation. Both Ser Jaime and
Duke Cesare were military men of distinction, born into a family of great
political power, who were sent into a lofty though celibate office that caused
quarrels with their mighty patriarch.

Likewise, both men became infamous for betrayals Jaime as a kingslayer

and oathbreaker, and Cesare as a master betrayer who was alleged to have
murdered his brother, slept with his other brother's wife, and the list goes on
and on. Finally, both men were accused of incest with their sisters Jaime
as we know, and Cesare on account of his violent actions toward most of his
sister's husbands and by the fact that the "Infantus Romanus" Giovanni
Borgia at various times declared to be the bastard son of either Cesare or
Rodrigo was widely alleged to be Lucrezia's child.

Where the two difer most is in their capacity for growth while Cesare lived
and died a condottieri, Jaime Lannister was profoundly afected by his
maiming and imprisonment at Harrenhal. Whether this newfound
commitment to the ideals of knighthood will allow him to avoid the fate of
Cesare has yet to be seen.

The Maiden(s) Fair: Brienne of Tarth vs. Joan of Arc

Two warrior women whose very existence was a stark challenge to the
hegemonic patriarchal attitudes of their time, who have never been defeated
in battle, and who pledged themselves to an insurgent king's service only to
find themselves disappointed, Brienne and Joan of Arc seem made for one
another. Contrary to later iconography which feminized her appearance, in
her own lifetime Joan was described as short, muscular, rather plain, and
wore men's clothing a key charge against her at her trial.

Their backgrounds do difer in important ways Brienne is the only child of

a lord, even if the Sapphire Isle is known more for its waters than for its
riches, whereas Joan was born of peasant stock (part of the reason why she
ultimately found few friends within the French court after her usefulness was
exhausted) but they share a common idealism at the very heart of their
characters, even if Brienne's is more founded in the chivalric tradition and
Joan's in religion (indeed, the only religious miracle Brienne has ever
encountered came to her as a profoundly traumatizing and terrorizing force).

In judging between the two of them, we have to make difficult judgments

about matters mundane and supernatural Brienne lacked the divine power
to shield her king from harm, but Joan never had to deal with shadow-baby
assassins. What we can say is that, while Brienne has yet to reconquer any
nations, unlike Joan of Arc she was able to outlive her king.

The King's Favorite: Ser Loras Tyrell vs. Piers Gaveston

Ser Loras Tyrell is one of Westeros' best lances (if not its best swordsman),
was once the lover of King Renly Baratheon, the commander of his
Kingsguard, and the leader of his armies. His historical counterpart is an
interesting figure, little known outside medieval historians, queer historians,
and fans of Christopher Marlowe: a knight of Gascony who was chosen by the
King of England to be a part of Prince Edward (the future King Edward II)'s
household and train him in arms, leading to the two falling violently and
indiscreetly in love.

Gaveston was seen as the very image of a knight, "graceful and agile in
body, sharp-witted, refined in manner, [and] sufficiently well versed in
military matters." Prince Edward doted on him to excess, to the point where
he asked his father to have the prince's own County of Ponthieu given to the
knight. When his father died, Edward II up-jumped his companion to the
Earldom of Cornwall, scandalizing the nobility of England. The hits kept
coming: Gaveston was made Regent of England then was married to a
wealthy heiress. This combined with the fact that Edward openly ignored his
queen on her wedding day in order to hang out with Gaveston led to
repeated demands by the English nobility that he be exiled. Unfortunately,
Edward just couldn't quit Piers Edward made Piers Lieutenant of Scotland
just as Robert the Bruce was routing the English out of Scotland and raiding
into northern England. Finally, the barons rose up against their king, captured
Gaveston, condemned him to death before a kangaroo court, whereupon he
was run through and beheaded.

Unfortunately for poor Piers, he's drawn a somewhat lopsided match Ser
Loras not only managed to survive his king (although the emotional vs.
political assessment here might not match up), but was also the son of one

of the Lords Paramount of Westeros, with an army 100,000 strong to back up

his son, as opposed to being an upstart roundly despised by his "betters."
Moreover, unlike Gaveston, who eked out a middling military career (did well
in Ireland, failed miserably in Scotland), Ser Loras has tasted historic triumph
at the Blackwater.

The Exemplary: Ser Barristan Selmy vs. the Chevalier de Bayard

Ser Barristan is probably the most famous knight alive in Westeros a
tourney jouster from the age of 10, Ser Barristan slew the last of the
Blackfyre Pretenders during the War of the Ninepenny Kings, saved King
Aerys from captivity during a local rebellion, helped to crush the notorious
outlaws the Kingswood Brotherhood, survived no less than three wounds at
the Battle of the Trident, and served during Greyjoy's Rebellion before being
dismissed from service.

Simply put, Barristan Selmy is the ultimate Westerosi badass. Who could
even make a match for him?

None other than the Chevalier de Bayard, known to history as the "chevalier
sans peur et sans reproche" (the Knight Without Fear and Beyond Reproach).
Pierre Terrail, as he was named, served with no less than three Kings of
France: at the Battle of Garigliano, he single-handedly held a bridge against
200 Spanish knights, allowing the French army to retreat safely and making
himself a Europe-wide celebrity. His specialty was improbably victorious
cavalry charges up mountains or against expert Swiss pikemen, and once
single-handledly saving France from the Holy Roman Empire. All that and a
romance with Lucrezia Borgia.

Needless to say, this would be a battle for the ages.

ROUND 1 RESULTS

This round saw no less than 16 fiercely competitive matches, as Westerosi

faced of against historical figures for the right to represent themselves. And
after consultation with a shadowy panel of judges, the results are as
follows...

Kings Conference:
The Battle of the Teenage Tyrants, Winner = Team Caligula and
Edward of Lancaster
Proving once again that Jofrey is truly worthless, the King on the Iron Throne
went down whining and sniveling, unable to keep up with Edward of
Lancaster's in-your-face physicality or Caligula's epic insanity.

The Clash of Curmudgeons, Winner = Stannis Baratheon

While Oliver Cromwell dominated this match-up early on, ultimately Stannis
won out due to a combination of extreme determination and his ability to
adapt and grow over time.

Glory and Glamour, Winner = Team Edward II and Richard the

Lionheart
While Edward II proved to be a complete liability, Richard's superior military
experience (especially when dealing with unruly brothers) overwhelmed the
amateur Renly.

The Battle of the Prodigies, Winner = Edward IV of York

A close match that went back and forth, ultimately Edward IV's luck and
superior political acumen allowed him to eke out a victory against the King in
the North.

Queens Conference:
The Red Queens, Winner = Margaret d'Anjou
While both sides boast large armies and an impressive force of will, Margaret
d'Anjou showed an impressive gift for creating political alliances that Cersei
just couldn't compete with.

The Roses, Winner = Margaery Tyrell

While Anne Boleyn has the experience of a veteran, Margaery's family

connections gave her a degree of political protection the knight's daughter
never had, and that makes all the diference.

The Brides of the Horselords, Winner = Daenerys Targaryen

A total blowout. DRACARYS beats Attila every time.

The Voices of God, Winner = Melisandre of Asshai

While Rasputin showed an impressive ability to absorb physical punishment,
that's not enough to deal with shadow-baby assassins.

Hands Conference:
The Lords of the North, Winner = Richard Plantagenet
While Eddard Stark has the better military career, Richard of York managed
to defeat Margaret d'Anjou three times (in part due to his superior political
acumen), which is three times more than Ned ever did.
The Kingmakers, Winner = Tywin Lannister
While both men had wealth, political power, and a solid (but not perfect)
military career, ultimately Tywin's ruthless streak would put him ahead of
Warwick, who was never willing to pull the trigger if that meant being hated.

The Pirates, Winner: Davos Seaworth

Henry Morgan might have become governor of Jamaica, but he never did
anything with it and died a penniless debtor. By contrast, Davos is Hand of
the King and deciding policy for Stannis Baratheon.

The Maligned, Winner: Tyrion Lannister

A better military man than Claudius and a better political survivor than
Richard, Tyrion squeaks through into round two.

Knights Conference:
Sh*t for Honor, Winner = Ser Jaime Lannister
Another case in which the capacity for personal growth and commitment to
some actual ideals trumps a limited cunning, with the Kingslayer standing on
his own two feet where Cesare lived and died in his father's shadow.

The Maiden(s) Fair, Winner = Brienne of Tarth

While Brienne can't claim to have God on her side, she was luckier by far in
her choice of king. Also, I'm pretty sure Joan of Arc never fought a bear with
a blunt sword and lived.

The King's Favorite, Winner = Ser Loras Tyrell

This one was a bit of a no-contest; Piers Gaveston might be a keen jouster,
but he was an utter failure on the battlefield. By contrast, Ser Loras was
victorious at the Blackwater, and has the might of House Tyrell at his back.

The Exemplary, Winner = Ser Barristan Selmy

The closest match in the round, this one comes down to longevity. Barristan
the Bold is still going strong at age 63, while the Chevalier de Bayard died at
the young age of 51.