Buildingresilienceinyourchild Au 4october2013

Building resilience
in your child
The life skill with major school benefits
Contents
Contents
Page
Introduction
About the reports author - Ann-Maree Kelly
What is resilience?
Resilience can be learned
Why do schools teach children resilience?
Your role in teaching your child resilience
Page
Tips for building resilience in secondary

school children
22
Tips for building resilience in young people in

post-secondary studies
23
Working with teachers and schools
24
Teachers suggest ways parents build their

childs resilience
27
Resilience in action
11
Ways of thinking and their influences
28
Perspectives into resilience
12
Frequently asked questions (FAQs)
30
Checklist for resilience
33
Resilience facts
34
Resilience resources
35
Authors notes
36
About the Australian Scholarships Group
39
Three sources of resilience

7Cs
Tips for building resilience in babies and toddlers
19
Tips for building resilience in preschool children
20
Tips for building resilience in primary school children
21
Disclaimer
The information contained in this guide is for general information purposes only. The Australian Scholarships Group (ASG) has sought expert opinion in
relation to the information and made every effort to ensure the information is correct at the time of publication. While ASG makes every effort to keep the
information up to date and correct, it makes no representations or warranties of any kind, express or implied, about the completeness, accuracy, reliability, or
suitability of the information contained for any individual or group. ASG is not a licensed provider of educational advice and encourages you to ensure that
you seek professional advice before making any changes to your own or your familys circumstances.
Published by the Australian Scholarships Group (ASG) in May 2013
Building resilience in your child - the life skill with major school benefits | www.asg.com.au
page | 2
Introduction
Introduction
What do most parents want for their child? While everyones list
is different, most parents list of hopes and aspirations for their
child includes happiness, success in school and career, health
and wellbeing, satisfaction and fulfilment with their lives, a
loving and caring family, and solid friendships.
In order to reach these goals, your child will need to develop
an inner strength to overcome the many challenges and
demands he or she may encounter throughout school and life.
The capacity to cope, feel competent, rise above challenges
while moving forward with confidence, and optimism in a
less-than- perfect world is called resilience.
Some researchers believe resilience is the greatest gift a child
can receive.
You play a major role in helping your child develop resilience,
but you can expect some help along the way. Increasingly,
teachers and schools are incorporating resilience-building
programs into childrens schooling because research
has identified:
children with good resilience perform better at school
children with good resilience are less likely to take part in
risky behaviour
knowing how to turn things around when the going

gets tough helps children thrive
helping a child feel successful is an important aspect
of resilience.
Some researchers have found that resilience is so important
for childrens education and life development that it should
be added to the 3Rs of the school curriculumreading,
writing, and arithmeticas the fourth R.
While it is easy for you to see if your child has physical problems,
such as an illness or injury, it can be more difficult for you to
know if he or she is troubled emotionally. You can remove a
splinter, administer some painkiller or seek medical attention
when there is an illness but it can be far more difficult to tell
when your childs emotional wellbeing is at risk. Some children
will be more outspoken and will let you know that they are
feeling sad or anxious. Other
children tend to bottle up
their concerns and you
sometimes need to
use some clever
detective work to
get to the bottom
of the problem.
page | 3
Introduction continued
We all experience ups and downs in our lives, and your child
is no different. Resilient children are more able to cope when
things get tough at school, at home and in their relationships
with family and friends. Resilient children are more able to deal
with difficult situations and have increased motivation.
This e-guide aims to boost your understanding of resilience and
provide you with tips for helping your child to become more
resilient so that they can be successful at school and in life. The
Australian Scholarships Group (ASG) aims to help you to build
your childs resilience so he or she is better able to cope with
lifes challenges and thrive.
Resilience is the ability to bungy jump through life

and rise above adversity.
Andrew Fuller
page | 4
About the reports author Ann-Maree Kelly
About the reports author Ann-Maree Kelly

The author of Building resilience in your child,
Ann-Maree Kelly holds a Diploma of Teaching
Primary, Bachelor of Education Early Childhood,
Bachelor of Special Education, and a
Certificate of Counselling.
During a career of more than 30 years, Ann-Maree has been

a teacher and administrator in government and community
based preschools; director of an early intervention program; a
university lecturer in Early Childhood and Special Education,
TAFE teacher, and mainstream and special education teacher in
public and private schools. She has held consultant positions for
the Department of Education and Department of Community
Services in disabilities and childcare and been employed as a
childrens services officer in local government.
Ann-Maree was a principal with the NSW Department of

Education and Training for 12 years in both special education
and mainstream settings. Her last posting, Morisset Public
School, achieved recognition as a Centre for Excellence under
the State and Commonwealth National Partnerships program
because of students significant improvements in literacy
and numeracy.
After a workplace trauma, Ann-Maree became interested in
emotional intelligence and the development of social and
emotional competencies. This resulted in the realisation that
social and emotional competencies needed to be taught to

children from an early age. Ann-Maree believes that explicitly
teaching social emotional skills along with academic subjects
contributed substantially to the outstanding results achieved at
Morisset. Ann-Maree has been recognised for her expertise in
integrating students with disabilities in mainstream settings and
is one of the co-authors of the textbook, Inclusion in Action
(ed. Dr Phil Foreman). She has hosted delegations from schools
and tertiary institutions from Australia and Asia to demonstrate
best practice in inclusive education.
Ann-Maree has been married to David since 1977 and they have
one adult daughter. Ann-Maree is a certified sewing instructor,
and in her spare time enjoys working in her home studio and is
actively involved in promoting sewing and textile arts.
Ann-Maree now works as a consultant for the
Australian Scholarships Groups (ASG) Education
Resources You Can Do It! Education program
(www.youcandoit.com.au) and as an educational
consultant and writer.
page | 5
What is resilience?
What is resilience?
When we talk about resilience, we are usually thinking about the
ability someone has to recover from some difficult situation and
to carry on with his or her life and relationships.
They have learned to set realistic goals and expectations

but they set themselves challenges and like to try new things.
They have the ability to bounce back.
They have developed the ability to solve problems and

make decisions so are more likely to view mistakes, hardships
and obstacles as challenges to confront rather than as
stressors to avoid.
You can see examples of resilience every day in the media.

Some people when faced with the devastation of losing their
home through flood or fire can face the disaster with a more
positive mindset and get on with the job of rebuilding their life,
while another person will find the situation overwhelming and
will need considerable help to cope.
While resilience is traditionally a term used to describe
overcoming adversity, it can also refer to a group of skills and
qualities vital to helping a child cope with the stress and distress
of his or her everyday lifeat school, at home, and everywhere
else. Even children fortunate enough not to face significant
adversity or trauma experience pressures and expectations.
Resilient children possess a thriving mindset.
They believe they can be successful.
They are prepared to persevere with a task even when it

is difficult.
They have developed effective interpersonal skills and ways of
communicating effectively with peers and adults and are able
to seek out assistance and nurturance in appropriate ways.
They focus on the aspects of their lives over which they have
control rather than those over which they have little or
no influence.
They have a sense of optimism and exercise control over
negative thoughts.
They believe they can make a difference and their
contributions are valued.
They are hopeful and possess high self-worth.
They like helping people.
They feel special and appreciated and have the supervision

and support of their parents.
They possess a sense of fun.
They are aware of their weaknesses and vulnerabilities but

they also recognise their strong points and talents.
page | 6

Resilience draws on aspects of a childs characteristics (including
temperament) and the environment in which they are raised
and supported. It also includes people and opportunities that
help to build resilience skills, such as independence, autonomy
and problem solving.
Children can learn strategies for building resilience over time.
Learning to think positively and in perspective means a child
can cope with problems and setbacks. It also means children
have opportunities to learn how to build strengths that protect
and promote wellbeing.
To overcome adversity and build resilience, children ideally
require:
unconditional love and acceptance
some autonomy over their lives
trusting relationships with significant adults
feelings of independence
secure relationships and strong role models to help foster
friendships and commitment
a safe and stable environment
self-confidence and faith in themselves and their world.
All these things help to build resilience.
page | 7

Many people believe that schools only teach our children
academically, and this is their major focus, but getting a great
education helps prepare children for their lives in a holistic sense
too. Research shows that helping children learn to be resilient
can help level out the playing field for children who have
experienced disadvantage, trauma, poverty, abuse, and neglect,
and help to improve childrens outlook and circumstances in
their future lives.
Researchers have also found that there is a significant link

between supportive parenting, a childs resilience, their
academic outcomes, social skills and general health and
wellbeing. As parents you have considerable influence in
developing resilience in your child and so also helping to
improve his or her academic achievement.
There is research evidence that shows there is a connection

between resilience and academic achievement. Resilience could
be the reason why one child is more successful in school while
their friends from similar backgrounds with similar experiences
do not achieve as well. Schools that implement programs that
teach resilience skills such as confidence, a sense of wellbeing,
motivation, an ability to set goals, to establish and maintain
positive relationships and manage stress are more likely to
improve academic outcomes for their students.
The research shows that if we equip teachers with methods
for developing positive attitudes students can become better
learners. More schools are realising that social emotional
learning and academic learning are closely linked and they
are working to bring them together to improve students
achievement.
page | 8

All children are different and there is not a one size fits all
model when it comes to achieving resilience. There are a variety
of factors that can shape your childs capacity to be resilient
including his or her temperament, their education, birth order,
your parenting style and the influence of society and culture.
There are some common principles that you can follow to
provide a sound basis for developing resilience in your child.
While they may seem like simple common sense, it is important
to keep in mind that there are positive things you can do to
help promote resilience in your children.
Show concern and understanding: By stopping and
listening to your child it can help you see things from
their perspective. It does not mean that you agree with
everything they say, but they will appreciate your attempts
to understand their point of view without discussions
turning into a power struggle. When you are involved in a
conversation with your child try not to use absolutes such
as you should, put them down, or interrupt when they
are trying to express their point of view. This can be more
difficult when their behaviour is less than desirable, but that
is when it is most important.
are the adult in the relationship and sometimes need to

change how you approach a situation in order to make an
improvement. This does not mean indulging your child or
giving in to them. It shows your child that there are many
ways of solving problems.
Let your children know that they are valued and
accepted unconditionally: There is evidence to show that
the presence of at least one significant adult in a childs
life can have an influence on building resilience. These
adults may not necessarily always be their parents but are
individuals who convey love and acceptance. When you
were growing up who were the adults in your life who
made you feel special? Perhaps a grandparent, a coach or
teacher. As well as parents these people can also provide
your child with someone with whom they identify and who
can provide strength in difficult times. These significant
adults still need to put in place limits because they want
children to grow into successful young people and adults.
It is easier for children to respond positively to these
requirements when they are made
in an environment of
caring support.
If it is not working, dont keep doing the same thing

or you will get the same result: How many times have
you been frustrated by repeating the same requests and
reminders with no change in your childs behaviour? You
page | 9
Your role in teaching your child resilience continued
Identify strengths as well as weaknesses: Children need

to be able to experience success across a range of activities
and domains in their life. Your children will have different
talents, strengths and interests and they will take time and
nurturing to develop, for them to meet their full potential.
Try to focus on these strengths rather than pointing out
your childs weaknesses.
We all make mistakes and children are no different:
Children who are not afraid to make a mistake will learn
from their errors and also understand that they are more
likely than not to be successful. If there is an environment at
home (and at school) where you accept that mistakes will
be made and show the child that he or she is still valued,
they will learn to respond appropriately when there is a
stumbling block in their life.
the consequences of each action. They will then have a

sense of ownership and be better equipped to manage
when you are not there to help them out.
Help children manage their own behaviour: Children will
learn to regulate their own behaviour if you set the ground
rules by being consistent in your approach to discipline.
You know your child best and understand what they can
reasonably achieve. Provide positive feedback emphasising
the behaviour that you expect to see rather than being
general in your praise e.g. instead of Good boy or Well
done tell them what the behaviour was that you saw and
want to be reinforced; Thank you for waiting so patiently.
I was able to get my work finished.
Encourage your child to help others: Children will

develop tolerance and social responsibility when they
have a chance to volunteer to help others. This could be as
simple as having set tasks to do at home or you could help
them to be involved in community activities such as walks
for causes or clean up days.
Children need to learn how to solve problems and to
make responsible decisions: For your child to develop
resilience they need to be able to look at problems from all
angles and to test different solutions. It can be easy for you
to provide your child with an answer when they come to
you with a problem, but they will learn from the situation
if you help them to think through the possible actions and
page | 10
While we often describe resilience as the ability to bounce back after we experience a difficult situation, it may surprise you to know that
resilience has a number of stages. You can help your child to move on from adversity and gain and maintain better mental health and
wellbeing. If you are aware of this process you will have the knowledge to help your children become more resilient in tough situations.
Emotional
awareness
Help your child to describe how they are feeling by using the most suitable words to express their emotions. Are they feeling sad, miserable, down?
Are they irritated, frustrated, annoyed?
Perhaps they are anxious, nervous or worried.
Sometimes children can catastrophise, in other words, they make mountains out of molehills. They may overstate their emotions and talk in
extremes using words such as angry when annoyed would be more realistic.
You can help them become more aware of their emotions and put the incident into perspective. Encourage them to use the more appropriate
words to describe the adverse situation.
Calm and
controlled
Assist your child to stay reasonably calm and in control. Use the strategies that you know help your child to settle when they are upset. This could
be taking deep breaths, going outside to kick a ball, talking to someone they trust, or having a break by reading or playing a computer game.
Once your child is reasonably in control, then you can have a discussion together about the event, and how important it is to your child.
Stay in touch
Some children may stay upset for quite some time after a distressing incident and will replay it over and over in their head or to others (this is called
rumination and it is not helpful). Other children may withdraw from family and friends and keep to themselves, which is also not good for their
mental health and wellbeing. Encourage your child to resume normal family or school activities and contacts as soon as possible.
Return to work
and play
Help your child to think through the solutions for the situation they are experiencing that is distressing them and to take positive action. Once they
have a measure of control over the situation then let them know that you expect them to resume their normal daily activities and help them to
reconnect with friends and family.
The time that any child takes to bounce back from adversity will depend on the type of situation and whether it is traumatic or just a glitch in
their daily interactions. While the timing may vary, the process will remain the same. You can help your child move on if you are aware of the
stages of resilience. By doing this you are teaching your child that even though bad things happen, they have the capacity to move on, accept
the situation and do something constructive to make things more manageable.
page | 11

Psychologists have been curious about the ability of some
children to thrive even though they were living in very difficult
circumstances. They looked at reasons why some children
coped better when things in their life were not going well. There
is now a lot of information available on the factors that help
children to become more resilient.
From this research we now know that there are two aspects to
resilience. The first is the person factors, that is your childs traits,
characteristics and personality. The second is environmental
factors. This involves those things that are outside the person
and may or may not be able to be changed.
Personal characteristics: If you are the parents of more than
one child then you will know that your children can have quite
different personalities. Even though, as a family, you have had
similar experiences at home and on holidays and have tried to
provide your children with the same attention, financial and
emotional support and educational opportunities, each child is
different in their own way.
These personal traits can have an impact on your childs

resilience. For instance, some children tend to be more anxious
and nervous. They may have more difficulty separating from
you and struggle in social situations. Their brother or sister
waved you good-bye at the school gate and ran in to school
to make new friends. They come home at the end of every day
excited to tell you about all their new experiences.
Your childs view of the world can have an influence on their
ability to be resilient. When a child is optimistic then there
is more likelihood that they will be resilient. A child with a
pessimistic outlook needs to learn how to
think differently so they are less
anxious and more resilient.
One child may be withdrawn, quiet and introverted while

another may be boisterous, noisy and over the top. Twins can
have quite different personalities even though they had the
same environment before birth and very similar experiences
after they were born.
page | 12
Perspectives into resilience continued
Environmental influences: You aim to do the best that you

can to support your child to meet their educational, emotional
and physical needs. There are some things you can have some
control over, such as the school you choose for them to attend.
There are other things that you may have little ability to manage
such as the teacher they are allocated at school, the children
they associate with in the playground or even their ongoing
physical health. These are all environmental aspects and they
also have an effect on your childs capacity to build resilience.
You cannot be with your child every minute of the day, and
when they leave for school in the morning there are many
facets that come into play. If they travel by train or bus are they
being teased and taunted by other children? Is the playground
well supervised when they get to school? Is the teacher tolerant
of differences and supportive of students with a range of
educational and personal needs?
On the home front there are also things that may affect how
your child feels about home and school. Illness of a parent or
grandparent, divorce or separation or family financial difficulties
are all situations that can affect your childs view of the world.
Three sources of resilience

There are three sources that children can draw on to develop
and build their resilience. They are as follows:
I have:
people around me I trust and who love me, no matter what
people who set limits for me so I know when to stop before
there is danger or trouble
people who show me how to do things right by the way
they do things
people who want me to learn to do things on my own
people who help me when I am sick, in danger or need
to learn.
I am:

a person people can like and love

glad to do nice things for others and show my concern
respectful of myself and others
willing to be responsible for what I do
sure things will be all right.
I can:
talk to others about things that frighten me or bother me
find ways to solve problems that I face
control myself when I feel like doing something not right
or dangerous
figure out when it is a good time to talk to someone or to
take action
find someone to help me when I need it.
page | 13
A resilient child does not need all of these features to be

resilient, but one is not enough. A child may be loved
(I have), but if he or she has no inner strength (I am) or social,
interpersonal skills (I can), this limits their ability to be resilient.
A child may have a great deal of self-esteem (I am), but if he or
she does not know how to communicate with others or solve
problems (I can), and has no-one to help him or her (I have),
the child will struggle to be resilient. A child may be very verbal
and speak well (I can), but if he or she has no empathy (I am)
or does not learn from role models (I have), there is a limit to
their resilience. Resilience results from a combination of
these features.
The International Resilience Project research has found that
resilience in children is generally not being promoted. Their
extensive research found that a relatively small percentage of
parents are making a concentrated effort to develop resilience
in their children. While the three features of resilience appear to
be relatively easy to acquire, this is not necessarily the case as
adults can deliberately or unwittingly impede the development
of resilience. They may give mixed messages, fly in to protect
the child before they have had a chance to use their I can skills
(the so called helicopter parents) or misunderstand the impact
that a situation is having on their child.
7Cs framework
Kenneth Ginsburg, M.D., is a paediatrician specialising in
Adolescent Medicine and has developed parenting tips called
The Seven Cs: The Essential Building Blocks of Resilience. You can
read more about Dr Ginsbergs Seven Cs on his website
http://www.fosteringresilience.com/7cs_parents.php and a
brief summary is provided below for your information.
As we raise children, our goal has to be to

prepare children to be happy, healthy 35 year olds.
Dr K Ginsberg
Children need to become resilient to overcome the many

adversities they face and will face in life: they cannot do it alone.
They need adults who know how to promote resilience and are,
indeed, becoming more resilient themselves.
page | 14
Competence: Children become competent through

experience. They need to develop the skills to make sensible
decisions and appropriate choices. Parents can foster
competence by:
helping their child to focus on their strengths
assisting their child to come up with a solution when they
make a mistake
providing skills to cope with stress and social situations
such as peer pressure
facilitating critical thinking skills
allowing him or her to take risks and to be responsible for
his or her errors
communicating to their child that they believe he or she
is competent and able to manage effectively without a lot
of adult assistance.
Children learn to be competent individuals through making
mistakes. That is how we all developed our skills. Too frequently
parents are keen to rush in to protect their children when they
make an error. The so-called helicopter parent is the scourge
of schoolshovering closely and flying in at the first sign
of trouble. They feel they are being good parents by being
protective of their child, but in doing so they are undermining
their childs resilience. Children need to learn that it is okay
to make a mistake, as long as they learn from their mistakes.
Children who do not learn to accept responsibility for their
behaviour and blame others for their poor results or playground
tiffs will struggle to be resilient when there is a crisis.
Confidence: Confidence is the belief that children have in

their own abilities. Parents can foster confidence by:
treating their child as a competent individual who is able
to manage most situations in his or her life
providing authentic praise for specific achievements
encouraging their child to strive to achieve and by
holding realistically high expectations
avoiding pushing more onto their child than they
can manage
focusing on what he or she is able to do well.
Children develop confidence through being successful in
their work, creative, cultural and family life. They are aware
that there are others in their immediate circle that are more
skilled in some aspects than they are. They need to develop
the confidence in their own skills and abilities and parents can
help by realistically emphasising areas of strength. Not every
child is going to be the Einstein of their class, win an Olympic
medal or a Nobel Prize. But they do all have their own unique
skills, and by providing positive feedback when a child is
successful, and gentle encouragement when needed, you can
help your child to become confident. Parents who push their
child beyond their limits and have overly high expectations
are undermining their childs confidence and reducing his or
her capacity to be resilient.
page | 15
Connection: Security comes from having connections with

family, school, friends and the community. This connectedness
increases the childs sense of being part of society. Parents can
foster connections by:
developing a sense of safety and security within the home
providing an environment where children feel free to
express their emotions
solving problems without conflict and fighting
encouraging their child to be involved in sporting, religious
and/or cultural organisations
fostering healthy relationships with a variety of relatives,
friends and neighbours.
While parents are the most important people in a childs life,
children can also learn and grow through having a reliable
network of responsible adults and friends. Parents can help
by involving their child in local sporting organisations, church
activities, or groups such as Scouts and Guides. Children learn
that they are part of a larger society, and in times of need there
are more people who are able to support them. By having the
knowledge that they are not isolated, and have a community
around them, children are more likely to be able to be resilient
when faced with day-to-day stresses as well as traumatic
situations. An example is a child who lived with only his
mother and was fearful that he would be left alone if anything
happened to her. He became highly anxious and this affected
his concentration at school, resulting in poor performance and
poor behaviour. The school helped his mother to connect with

others in the community and this increased the security for
her son.
Character: A sense of right and wrong and a solid grounding
in family values develop a sense of self-worth in children and
promote a caring and tolerant attitude. Parents can help foster
their childs character by:
helping their child to clarify their values through modelling,
example and discussion
avoiding racist, hateful or stereotyping comments
demonstrating an awareness of the needs of others by their
decisions and actions
modelling the importance of caring for others
assisting them to consider right and wrong beyond their
own needs.
page | 16
In order to create a tolerant and peaceful society we need

to start at home. Children look to their parents to provide
examples of how to act in different circumstances. Their radar
is constantly seeking out the cues to guide them in how
to behave and talk. Through speaking respectfully, helping
others and talking with your children about the impact of their
decisions you are providing them with the foundation skills to
develop resilience.
Contribution: Children gain a sense of purpose when they
realise that they can make a contribution to their world and the
people around them. It will enhance their confidence, character
and sense of connectedness. Parents can help their child
contribute to their community by:
raising awareness that there are people in the world who
lack basic needs and rights
providing opportunities for your child to contribute to the
home or community
modelling the value of serving others
letting your child know he or she has the capacity to make
improvements in the world and the lives of others.
It is well documented that helping others makes us feel good.
Children also benefit from volunteering and helping in their
home and community. By giving your child household chores
and letting them know that his or her efforts contribute to
the wellbeing of the family you are increasing your childs
confidence and sense of connectedness. They will feel
valued. You can also help them to participate in community
volunteering such as helping out at the footy team sausage

sizzle, getting sponsors for a walk-a-thon or even doing some
weeding for an elderly neighbour.
Coping: Children who have strategies to cope with stressors
are more able to manage in difficult situations. Parents have
the capacity to provide a range of positive coping skills for their
child by:
modelling positive coping strategies on a daily basis
putting events into perspective so they realise that not
every problem is necessarily a crisis
teaching effective problem solving strategies and responses
demonstrating the importance of a healthy lifestyle through
nutrition, exercise, sleep and relaxation
creating a safe and secure home environment where
children feel comfortable to talk.
We all respond differently when stressed or distressed. Those of
us with coping skills manage better in difficult circumstances.
Parents have the ability to either build or to undermine their
childs coping skills. Firstly parents need to model coping skills
when there is a difficult situation. The old saying It is not worth
crying over spilt milk rings true in many circumstances. Children
can learn that sometimes things happen that are unpleasant
and that how they think about the event will have an impact
on how they feel. Resilient children tell themselves that even
though something bad has happened, they can act and think in
a way that will help them respond. For instance, if a child does
poorly in a school exam he or she can either become upset,
page | 17
blame the teacher, the paper or the noise outside the window.
Alternatively they can take responsibility for their result, accept
that it was not as good as they might have liked and resolve
to study the areas they missed and get some help from
the teacher.
Control: Children with a sense of control know that they have
the ability to make a difference. They are aware that they are
not passive players in the game of life and that they are able to
have an influence through their decisions and actions. Parents
can help their children gain a sense of control by:
for children to be involved in decision making. Examples could

be deciding on the class rules, drawing up a roster of classroom
duties or picking team players. When faced with the tough
decisions they may need to make in their teens and later life,
they will have decision making strategies, and hopefully make
choices that will keep them physically and emotionally safe.
helping their child understand that most things happen

because of someones choices and actions
assisting their child to set goals and plan for the future
recognising his or her successes, even if they are only
small steps
teaching positive and protective behaviours
developing an understanding that actions result
in consequences.
Children need to learn that they have some control over the
situations and circumstances that affect them. An awareness
that someones choices or actions have resulted in an event is
the first step. It is only by going through the decision making
process that children learn how to make rational and sensible
decisions. Parents can help by providing opportunities for their
child to make good choices by asking them to participate in
family decision making, such as planning an outing or deciding
on the weekly menu. Schools should also provide opportunities
page | 18

It is never too early (or too late) to begin building resilience
in your child. Leigh Hay, author and editor, has put together a
useful list of practical strategies to help parents with this task.
Provide safety, security, stability and nurturephysically,
verbally and emotionally.
Rock, stroke, soothe and cuddle often.
Use words of comfort to calm.
Allow babies freedom to explore in safety.
Encourage toddlers to calm themselves.
Model optimistic and resilient behaviour.
Talk with toddlers and preschoolers about what adversity
and setbacks mean.
Reinforce a childs faith in their own problem solving skills.
Set limits for behaviour and label the behaviour, not
the child.
Offer explanations regarding rules and discipline.
Praise the accomplishment of tasks and milestones.
Encourage independence.
Help your child to recognise feelings and develop language
to express emotions.
Build on the security of trusted relationships.
Source appropriate picture books from your local library.

Know and work with your childs temperament.
Help your child stick to a daily routine.
As your childs language develops it is also a good idea to
begin providing them with the words that are associated
with their feelings and the feelings of others such as sad, glad,
happy, mad etc. A rich emotional vocabulary will allow them
to express themselves as they grow older so help them to
manage their feelings in a way that will promote good
mental health and wellbeing.
page | 19

The preschool years are a busy time for children. They
are learning about their world through play and pretend
activities and sorting out fact from fantasy. You can help your
preschooler by following Leigh Hays suggestions below:

Give unconditional support, nurturing and encouragement.

Encourage and help your child practise calming strategies.
Model self-esteem, confidence and optimism.
Talk about appropriate behaviours.
Encourage independent thought and action.
Build on developing an emotional vocabulary and how to
label feelings.
Help your child to understand their own temperament
and why they might react in a certain way to a particular
situation.
Practise effective ways to resolve conflict at school or in
the playground.
Talk about ways that a child can seek help and assistance
if needed.
Spend time every day talking, discussing and sharing whats
happening in your childs life.
Model and teach attitudes of empathy and ways of caring.
Explain that all behaviour has consequences.
Provide comfort in stressful situations.
Praise completed tasks, work well done, perseverance,
desired behaviours.
Discuss accepting responsibility for behaviour and why

discipline is imposed to limit some behaviours.
Clarify expectations, rules and regulations (especially
for school).
Accept that failure happens and talk about ways your child
can overcome feelings of failure and try again.
Discuss and support emerging independence and
autonomy as your child develops, and how this balances
out with age-appropriate limitations.
Be flexible with routines so that your child has time and
opportunity to be creative.
Teach your child how to focus on something else if they are
worried or upset.
Discuss what it means to be a friend and help your child to
make friends.
Explain the importance of eating properly, resting,
exercising and self-care.
Help your child to see that their individual accomplishments
contribute to the wellbeing of the family as a whole.
Resilience means coping with change, and for many young
children change can be stressful and scary. Helping a child to
keep things in perspective and understanding why change is
an inevitable part of life, will help them to navigate and bounce
back from tough times and move forward to better times.
page | 20

Many of the tips for building resilience in preschool children are
also relevant to children in the primary school years. In addition
to these the following list can be a helpful addition for parents.
Express love and support verbally and physically in
age-appropriate ways.
Use limits, calming behaviours, and verbal reminders to help
your child manage negative feelings and impulses.
Communicate your family values and rules by modelling
desired behaviours.
Explain to your child the reason for rules and expectations.
Provide praise for specific desirable behaviours, for example,
sticking with and finishing a difficult homework assignment.
Allow your child to deal with manageable adverse situations
without your intervention. Provide support and assistance
only after your child has had a chance to test their own
solutions.
Build a home environment that encourages open
communication so that issues, expectations, feelings, and
problems can be discussed.
When your child makes a mistake, provide appropriate
consequences in a supportive and loving manner so that
the child feels free to take risks without the threat of the loss
of parental approval.
Your primary school aged child is becoming more

independent. Clearly communicate your expectations
about new situations that might now develop and the
behaviour and responses you expect from your child.
Allow your child to accept responsibility for the
consequences of his or her behaviour.
Demonstrate your faith in your childs ability to make
sensible choices.
Your child will need a range of strategies to cope in different
situations. Model choice making and flexibility and discuss
your decisions with him or her.
The primary school years are a time when your child will need
to learn that different situations will require a different response.
Their circle of friends and other significant adults is increasing as
they move from the relatively small network of home and
preschool or day care. Depending on the size
of the school they could be in contact with
hundreds of individuals every day. Strategies
that were effective at preschool may not
work as well in the primary school.
They may need to learn to seek help,
where previously help was readily
available. They may need to be more
aware of when and with whom to
share feelings and they will need to
learn to be tolerant of a much wider
range of differences in people.
page | 21
Tips for building resilience in secondary school children
Tips for building resilience in secondary school children

Moving to high school is often a stressful experience as young
people make the transition from the relatively small primary
school environment to the larger and more unfamiliar setting of
secondary school. Multiple teachers, a range of subject choices,
peer pressure and their own expectations all add to the stress.
For parents it can also be a time of uncertainty and worry. The
task for parents is to continue building their childs resilience so
they can cope with the demands and opportunities that high
school provides.
Encourage your child to recognise their own skills and
abilities.
Clearly state your high realistic expectations for their
behaviour and school work.
Recognise their achievements and successes with specific
targeted praise.
Treat your child as a capable person who is able to make
sensible decisions. Provide them with information in a
manner they understand so they can make the right
choices.
Let your child make safe mistakes rather than protecting
them from every unpleasant situation. When they do make
a mistake, help them to decide on a plan and course of
action to remedy the situation.
Provide them with stress management strategies and
relaxation skills.
Help them to understand that their behaviour has an

impact on others and encourage them to do community
work or volunteering.
Encourage pride in the religious, ethnic or cultural groups
they may belong to.
Make time to be together as a family and engage in rituals
and routines that strengthen family connectedness.
Suggest ways of coping if they feel stressed with the
increased pressures of high school life. This may mean
seeking out the school counsellor or getting additional help
with their work.
Make sure their needs for a healthy diet, exercise and sleep
are met. Provide a positive example.
Encourage their creativity and provide resources, if possible,
to enable them to practise their creative expression.
Provide an environment where your child feels free to talk
about his or her feelings, hopes and aspirations in a
non-judgemental and supportive manner.
Involve your child in the planning for their future e.g.
consideration of subject choices, school to attend etc.
If your child does make a serious error during their high school
years (and the probability is high that they will) help them to see
that this is not what defines them or their future. Assist them to
move on and learn from their mistakes.
page | 22
Tips for building resilience in young people in post-secondary studies
Tips for building resilience in young people in

post-secondary studies
By the time your child leaves high school and transitions to
tertiary education you would have done all you can to establish
the foundations for resilience. Post-secondary life brings on its
own stressors and your child, now a young adult, will need to
learn to cope with changing expectations and lifestyles. They
may need to move out of home to pursue career aspirations by
studying in a different town or city. They will have new social
situations to manage that involve driving, drinking alcohol
and the availability of illicit drugs. The foundations you have
provided will help them manage these circumstances with
good judgement. Although they are now largely responsible
for their own choices and actions, there are still some things
that parents can do to support their childs resilience in the
post-secondary years.
Continue to make home a place where talking, listening,
and sharing is safe and productive. Keep the lines of
communication open by using technology such as texting,
emails and Skype (particularly if they are away from home).
Problems might seem much larger to them when they are
totally responsible for their own decisions. Be available to
talk through issues with them on an adult-to-adult basis so
they can make realistic assessments.
to resilience. They may then be able to provide help to others

who are experiencing problems in their lives.
Encourage them to identify role models who can be a guide
for them in their career and personal life.
Remind them (without nagging!) of the importance of a
healthy lifestyle including good nutrition, exercise and sleep.
Continue with family routines and rituals and establish the
expectation that your young adult will participate when
possible. Encourage them to bring along new friends to be a
part of family celebrations.
If they have skills, talents or abilities, encourage them to utilise
these by helping out in their community e.g. by coaching
teams, volunteering at a youth centre, or organising a
charity event.
The job of parenting does not stop when
the children leave school. Sometimes it
can become more difficult. The foundations
you laid in the early years will now pay
dividends as your child matures into a
competent and capable young adult.
If they have experienced difficult times, help them to

recognise that this builds strength and character and leads
page | 23

Schools use the terminology social emotional learning to cover
all aspects of student wellbeing and mental health. Resilience
is a component of the social emotional learning (or SEL)
framework. Some state authorities have developed structures
for their schools to facilitate the wellbeing of students. These
usually have titles around positive learning, positive behaviours
etc. Across Australia there is currently no universal curriculum for
social emotional learning or resilience and in most cases schools
select the most appropriate material from a smorgasbord of
commercial programs, depending on their budget and the
needs of their school community.
A national approach to education known as the Australian
Curriculum is currently under development, and an important
part of this is the area of Personal and Social Capability. The aim
is for students to learn about themselves and others, to manage
their relationships, lives, work and learning. Children will learn
to recognise and regulate their emotions, develop empathy
for others, establish positive relationships, make responsible
decisions, work in teams and handle emergent and challenging
situations productively. Children with these skills develop
resilience and a sense of self-worth.
Once implemented, this will provide a coordinated national
approach to social emotional learning and the teaching of
resilience skills.
Schools across Australia have access to KidsMatter Primary

and Early Childhood and MindMatters for secondary schools.
These federally funded initiatives are not teaching and
learning programs per se, but they provide a mental health
and wellbeing framework for early childhood settings, primary
schools and high schools. Research has demonstrated that they
make a positive difference to the wellbeing of children.
A key component of the KidsMatter and MindMatters approach
is the importance of a partnership between home and school.
Schools are provided with methods, tools and support to
work with parents and carers, health services and the wider
community to nurture childrens wellbeing and resilience.
Schools have dozens of social emotional learning programs
available to them and deciding on the most relevant one for
their school community can be a challenge. Ideally, commercial
programs should include a parent education and support
component and parents should be part of the decision making
when a school is choosing a program.
A useful resource for schools and parent bodies is a table that is
available on the KidsMatter website that evaluates dozens of the
current social emotional learning programs. It can be found at
the following link: http://www.kidsmatter.edu.au/sites/default/
files/public/Static_Components_Guide3Aug2012_1.pdf
page | 24
Working with teachers and schools continued
Some of the more popular SEL programs are summarised

as follows:
You Can Do It! Education
Is sponsored by the Australian Scholarships
Group and is one of the most comprehensive SEL
programs available. It contains a unit dedicated to
teaching resilience and covers from early childhood
to the end of high school. There is also a parent
education component within the program and a
dedicated parent education package called Investing in Parents.
You Can Do It! is in more than 2,000 schools across Australia
and schools are supported by a network of consultants who
deliver professional learning to teachers and provide parent
education sessions. It is relevant to all categories of schools.
www.youcandoit.com.au
The Resilience Doughnut
The Resilience Doughnut focusses on
building resilience. It considers both
the personal characteristics of a resilient
person as well as those features in the
persons environment which have an effect on resilience. The
Resilience Doughnut is a visual and practical tool which can
be used to support the development of resilience in children
and adolescents, and is suitable in a therapeutic setting (e.g.
counselling) or can be taught in a workshop format to school
students. Training is available for students, teachers and parents
in primary and high schools. www.theresiliencedonut.com.au
The Aussie Optimism Program

Aussie Optimism is another research
based and evaluated Australian
program. It was developed by the
Department of Health Sciences at
Curtain University and provides
teachers, and parents with practical strategies for developing
childrens social competence, self-management, and positive
thinking. There are three ten week programs and teacher,
student and parent resources are provided with each
component. The programs are appropriate for children in
Years 4 8. http://healthsciences.curtin.edu.au/teaching/psych_
aussie_optimism.cfm
Bounce Back
Bounce Back is a whole school social
and emotional learning curriculum
program that promotes positive
mental health, wellbeing and
resilience for students and teachers plus safe and supportive
class and school learning environments. The books are suitable
for children in Year K 2, 3 4 and 5 8. Teacher resources
are available to support the implementation of the program.
Parenting notes are provided on the Bounce Back topics so
parents can be supporting the key messages in the home. A
variety of teacher professional training talks are available to
schools to support the implementation of the Bounce Back
program. www.bounceback.com.au
page | 25
Working with teachers and schools continued
PATHS (Promoting Alternative Thinking Strategies)

The PATHS
(Promoting
Alternative
Thinking Strategies)
Curriculum was developed in the USA but has been rolled out
internationally. It is a program for promoting emotional and
social competencies and reducing aggression and behaviour
problems in primary aged children. The main focus is school and
classroom settings, however, information and activities are also
included for use with parents. http://www.pathstraining.com
page | 26
Teachers suggest ways parents can build their childs resilience
Teachers suggest ways parents can build

their childs resilience
In a NEiTA (National Excellence in Teaching Awards) survey
teachers nominated the most important things parents can
do at home to motivate their childrens resilience or coping
skills. The most important thing teachers felt parents could
do to foster their childs resilience was to model the discipline
themselves. In combination with this, it was considered
important that parents were actively supportive of their child in
helping them to develop a strong sense of resilience.
Other suggestions included (in ranked order):

parents to role model behaviour

allow child to face adversity
good communication
learn resilience strategies
encourage perseverance
show child love
be involved with child
be patient with child
encourage effort
praise overcoming issues
work with child
aim children towards goals
avoid over protection
be honest with child

teach child to regulate feelings
work with school
dont make excuses for child
encourage wide range of relationships
allow child to learn from mistakes
allow child to solve problems themselves
talk about consequences of actions
assist in little steps
be consistent
be positive
cut off negative triggers
develop confidence
encourage extra hobbies
maintain health
maintain open relationship with child
learn from other role models
maintain perspective
share experiences
support peer activities
page | 27

Below is a table outlining the examples of events and the resulting thinking and behaviours of a non-resilient and resilient child across the
range of child development and education stages.
Non-resilient child
Resilient child
Childs Development
Stage
Event
Thinking/Self-talk
Behaviour
Thinking/Self-talk
Behaviour
Toddler
A two year old in

a childcare centre
wants a toy that
another child is
playing with.
I like that toy. I need

to have it. It should
be mine.
Snatches toy from

the other child. Cries
when they cannot
get the toy.
Toddlers have not yet

developed rational
thinking. They are
focused on getting their
wants and needs met.
Parents and carers can help

toddlers understand that there
are limits of behaviour, help them
feel responsible for their own
behaviour and communicate with
them about acceptable behaviour
in a caring and non-judgemental
way.
Early
childhood
A three year old has

just commenced
preschool and does
not know the staff
or other children.
I want my mum and

dad. I do not know
these people. I miss
being at home.
Cries, refuses to
leave parent at drop
off. Spends the day
sobbing and clinging
to the carer.
Children of this age

have not yet developed
rational thinking. He or
she is self-absorbed and
their own needs are
their priority.
Parents and carers know that for

the child to feel secure he or she
believes they will have their needs
met. Then the child will feel free to
explore and will establish a new
daily routine.
Preschool aged child
As the end of the

preschool year
approaches it is
time to prepare for
transition to big
school.
I am worried about
going to big school
every day. I will get
lost and I will not
know what to do. I
am going to miss my
friends who are going
to other schools.
Becomes anxious
and irritable. Has
difficulty relating to
other children and is
frequently in trouble
for not cooperating.
Preschoolers are still

developing rational
thinking. Teachers
and parents can help
by taking the time to
be with children and
let them talk about
their worries in a nonthreatening way.
The child participates in a

transition to school program
with visits to big school. He or
she meets their new teacher and
becomes familiar with the school
environment.
page | 28
Non-resilient child
Resilient child
Primary school
aged child
There is an
important national
testing program
coming up soon
and the child is
feeling nervous and
anxious. They want
to do well but they
are worried about
their performance.
I am no good at
maths. I will get a bad
mark and everyone
will think I am dumb
and stupid.
Worries about the

test so much he or
she loses sleep and
becomes tired and
irritable. On test day
tries to stay home
by pretending to
be sick.
I know I am not very

good at maths, but there
are other things I can do.
If I get a poor mark it is
not the worst thing in
the world. I will do my
best on the day and see
what happens.
Student is ready to try and do their

best on test day and is more likely
than not to be successful.
Secondary school
aged child
The student has

put off doing
an assignment
and is rushing to
finish it at the last
minute when their
computer crashes.
Stupid computer!
Why has this
happened to me!
Now I will not have an
assignment to submit
and everyone will
think I am a failure.
The student is angry.

He or she gives up
on the assignment,
does not submit
anything and
receives a fail grade
on that subject.
This is frustrating and

annoying. I know I
should not have left it
until the last minute but
now I need to do the
best I can to complete
the assignment. I will
explain to the teacher
and ask for an extension.
Student completes the assignment

and receives a lesser grade for late
submission. Plans to use a study
timetable and be better organised
in future.
This is not fair. I

always do well in this
subject and deserve to
get a good mark. The
paper was too difficult
and the lecturers
marking was too hard.
The student is upset

and frustrated
and has difficulty
focusing on their
work.
Perhaps I did not put as Focuses on improving their results

much effort in as I should by getting feedback, studying and
have. I like this topic
remedying errors. Marks improve.
and it is usually easy
for me. I am becoming
complacent and need
to study some more.
I will ask the lecturer
for some help.
Young person post- After receiving

their half year
secondary studies
exam results the
young person sees
that they have
performed poorly
in their favourite
subject and have
received a low mark.
page | 29

My child is in high school and is feeling stressed because of
all the homework and exams. How can I help him cope and
become more resilient?
Be aware of the symptoms of stress in your child such as increased
yelling or crying, swearing, hitting, negative self talk and difficulty
getting to sleep or not wanting to wake up.
Provide them with a quiet study space and help them plan
their time. The better prepared they are for a particular exam
the more confident they will be.
Make sure your expectations of their performance are realistic.
Avoid putting too much pressure on them to perform above
their capacity. Let them know they have your unconditional
love and support no matter what the result.
Some students put pressure on themselves by striving for
perfection. They can struggle with procrastination, that is,
they put off starting or completing an assignment because
they do not think it is good enough. Look out for signs of
this and help them change their mindset with self talk.
If your child is struggling to understand the work then they
may feel frustrated and anxious. Positive self-talk can help
and you can encourage them to get some extra help from
the teacher or a classmate.
Help them to learn and use relaxation techniques. Not

only will this help them with high school, but they will
have a good strategy to use when they progress to
tertiary education.
My childs secondary school encourages competitive
sport but he does not get selected for teams and is feeling
frustrated. How can he become more resilient?
How do you respond when he gets passed over yet again?
Your child will model your responses so it is important to
make sure that you remain calm and provide him with
positive self talk e.g. Even though you may not be as good
at sport, you have a lot of other great qualities and skills.
Help your child to set goals and put in place a plan to
achieve them. For example, the goal may be to be selected
for the hockey team. Then he needs to get fit (nutrition,
exercise and sleep), attend training and practise his skills
with your help and get some additional assistance from the
coach or friends. He can let the team selector know his goal
and ask for some advice to improve his chances of selection.
If he is not selected, at least he will know that he has done
the best he can.
page | 30
Frequently asked questions (FAQs) continued
My child is being bullied; how can being resilient help

him/her to cope?
Bullying and cyberbullying are serious matters and need to
be managed thoughtfully. You can get more information
from ASGs special reports on Bullying and Cyberbullying at
http://www.asg.com.au/resources/
The mindset that you and your child have about bullying
can influence your response by how you feel about the
situation, and how you act. Bullies have more impact when
their victim takes their actions personally. By helping your
child develop self-acceptance they will become more
resilient and the bully will be disempowered.
What is normal and how do I tell if my childs emotions are
over the top and out of control?
Normal depends on your childs age and what is age
appropriate. It is normal for a two year old to throw a
tantrum in frustration when they want something they
cannot have. We have all seen toddlers in the lolly aisle of
the supermarket trying to influence mum or dad! It would
not be normal for a ten year old to behave in the same way.
They may use language, threats and sulking in an effort to
get you to buy them a treat.
If you are unsure if your childs responses to stress are
normal or whether some help is needed it is a good idea
to get some advice and support. Depending on the age of
your child the Early Childhood Clinic, preschool or school
can help. For further assistance discuss the matter with your
doctor who may make a referral to a paediatrician.
My child is still just a baby. Is it necessary for a baby to

be resilient?
Your babys needs are simple. He or she needs food, drink,
a dry and clean bottom and your unconditional love
and attention.
At this stage your baby is learning to trust you and
themselves. You promote resilience when you respond to
his or her crying and attending to his needs. By helping him
or her calm down they feel loved and that you care about
them and they will eventually realise that they have the
ability to calm themselves. You are providing your child with
the capacity to work out that they can have their needs met
and that they are valued and important individuals.
My childs preschool is introducing a resilience program.
Arent the children too young to understand?
Even though preschoolers are still developing rational
thought processes, they are able to begin using the skills
that will help them become more resilient in the future.
There are many excellent research based programs available
(see Page 24 in this e-guide).
By establishing a culture of high but realistic expectations
and using language of achievement and self-acceptance
your childs preschool is providing a good foundation for
wellbeing and academic learning.
page | 31
Frequently asked questions (FAQs) continued
My child is now at university. I am worried that he is going

to get in with the wrong crowd. How can I help him to be
resilient and not give in to pressure from others?
The foundations you laid in his early years have given
him the character strengths and values to help him make
choices that are sensible and right. You can continue to
support him by being there to listen when he wants to talk
and by providing relevant feedback.
You are a role model. He or she will watch and learn from
you even though they are no longer a child.
Continue to provide unconditional love and make home a
safe refuge where he or she can feel secure.
How could I learn more about teaching my child to
be resilient?
Encourage him to participate in family events and routines

and to bring his friends along as well.
There are many websites available with good information

for parents with children of all ages. See the Resources
section of this e-guide as a starting point.
When he does make a mistake, be there to support him

and let him know that even though his behaviour was
unacceptable he still has your unconditional love.
Talk to the staff at your childs school or preschool. There

may be parent education classes available or you could ask
the parent body to consider getting in a speaker.
I didnt start early enough. Now my child is in tertiary

education. Is it too late for them to learn about resilience?
It is never too late to start learning about resilience, and by
providing support and love for your child you have already
laid down good foundations.
Your local council or community centre is another place

that could provide information.
Your local library may have books and DVDs. Your librarian
will be able to help you source material to meet your needs
and interests.
As a young adult they may like to learn more about

resilience, and the Resources section of this e-guide is a
good starting point.
If they are having difficulties with stress or distress, they
can seek help from the counsellor at their educational
institution. Student welfare services will be able to help
them to make a self-referral.
page | 32

The child:
has someone who loves him/her totally (unconditionally)
has an older person outside the home she/he can tell about
problems and feelings
is praised for doing things on his/her own
can count on her/his family being there when needed
knows someone he/she wants to be like
believes things will turn out all right
does endearing things that make people like her/him
believes in a greater power
is willing to try new things
likes to achieve in what he/she does
feels that what she/he does makes a difference in how
things come out
likes himself/herself
can focus on a task and stay with it
has a sense of humour
makes plans to do things
The International Resilience Project
page | 33
Resilience facts
Resilience facts
Did you know?
Mental health issues are increasing in our society with
referrals about mental health issues doubling in the last
ten years.
Risky level drug and alcohol use is on the risethere
has been an increase in the proportion of young people
reporting drug and alcohol use.
Families matter most to kidsfamily relationships have
remained the top concern for children and young people.
Children with good resilience are less likely to take part in
risky behaviour.
Children with good resilience perform better at school.
Studies have shown that optimistic people are more likely
to experience long-term health benefits and be more
resistant to disease.
The skills of goal setting, time management and problem
solving provide you with a sense of control and help protect
against feeling overwhelmed. They are fundamental to the
development of resilience.
page | 34
www.headroom.net.au: Headroom is a South Australian site
providing a range of information about youth mental health.
www.raisingresilientkids.com: resources and information about
strategies for raising stress hardy children.
http://resilnet.uiuc.edu: useful library of downloadable articles.
www.resiliency.com: provides some useful free information.
www.earlychildhoodaustralia.org.au/emotional_foundations_
for_learning/resilience/about_resilience.html: general
information about resiliency, geared especially towards parents
of younger children and infants.
http://www.generationnext.com.au: resources aimed

at protecting and enhancing the wellbeing of children
and teenagers.
http://www.embracethefuture.org.au: website for teachers,
parents and other people who work with or care for children.
It provides information about resiliency and how to foster it
in children.
http://au.reachout.com/: online youth mental health service
http://www.kidshelp.com.au/: free, private and confidential
telephone and online counselling service specifically for young
people aged between five and 25.
www.mindmatters.edu.au: provides useful information about

mental health in secondary schools.
www.kidsmatter.edu.au: provides useful information for parents
and school communities about promoting wellbeing and
mental health in primary school and early childhood centres.
www.healthychildren.org: has information for parents of babies,
children, teens, and young adults
www.casel.org: Collaborative for Social Emotional Learning
http://www.wellbeingaustralia.com.au: not-for-profit network
committed to developing healthy relationships that lead to
individual and community wellbeing, especially in education.
page | 35
Authors notes
Authors notes
Page 3: illustrative data on trauma exposure highlights the need for
educators to add a fourth R standing for resilience to the traditional
reading, writing, and arithmetic training in Meichenbaum, Donald
(Ph.D.) Research Director of the Melissa Institute for Violence Prevention
and Treatment, Florida USA How Educators Can Nurture Resilience in High Risk
Children and their Families viewed 3 September 2012 at:
http://www.teachsafeschools.org/resilience.pdf
Page 5: Resilience Checklist Hay, Leigh. Adapting to ups and downs: helping
children build resilience on ASGs KidsLife viewed 3 September 2012 at:
http://www.kidslife.com.au
Page 5: Bernard, Michael E Professor University of Melbourne School
of Education Program Achieve You Can Do It! Education pub. Australian
Scholarships Group www.youcandoit.com.au
Page 6: Hay, Leigh. Adapting to ups and downs: helping children build resilience
on ASGs KidsLife viewed 31 August 2012 at: http://www.kidslife.com.au
Page 7: There were significant positive correlations between
supportive parenting and ego resilience and between ego resilience
and achievement, social functioning, and health. Supportive parenting
was also positively related to engagement coping, which in turn was
positively related to achievement. Jodi Swanson, Carlos Valiente,
Kathryn Lemery-Chalfant and T. Caitlin OBrien Predicting Early Adolescents
Academic Achievement, Social Competence, and Physical Health From Parenting,
Ego Resilience, and Engagement Coping The Journal of Early Adolescence 2011
31: 548 viewed 4 September 2012 at:
http://jea.sagepub.com/content/31/4/548.full.pdf+html
Page 7: Research reveals strong evidence connecting resilience and

academic success. Scott, Dr V., Associate Dean of Research at Boston
University School of Education with Davis, Dr A., McLemore, C. Resiliency as
an Indicator of Academic Success viewed 4 September 2012 at:
http://www.scholarcentric.com/SC_Resiliency_Indicator%20of%20
Academic%20Success_WP.pdf
Page 7: Children with good resilience perform better at school...
New South Wales Department of Education, How to raise resilient kids,
schoolatoz, viewed 31 August 2012 at: http://www.schoolatoz.nsw.edu.au/
wellbeing/health/how-to-raise-resilient-kids
Page 7: of significance is the finding that students showed
improvements in their reading comprehension also showed
improvement in their behaviours for learning. Bernard, M. E. (Ph.D)
Helping Great Teachers Make Great Students: How empowering students with
a positive mindset for learning improves their reading achievement
Australian Scholarships Group January 2011
Page 9: In order to reach these goals, your child will need to develop
... sourced from Brooks, Robert (Ph.D.) and Goldstein, Sam (Ph.D.), 10 ways to
make your children more resilient, Family TLC, viewed 31 August 2012 at:
http://www.familytlc.net/resilient_children_preteen.html
Page 10: By helping you maintain control of your negative emotions
resilience helps you to think, feel and behave in positive ways in order
to overcome difficulty and move on. Bernard, M E (Ph.D) Resilience: A Guide
for Educators Australian Scholarships Group publication
page | 36
Authors notes continued
Page 11: We are all born with innate resiliency, with the capacity to
develop the traits commonly found in resilient survivors. Resiliency
research, documents clearly the characteristics of family, school, and
community environments that elicit and foster the natural resiliency in
children. Henderson N, Benard, B, Sharp N Resiliency in Action: Practical Ideas
for Overcoming Risks and Building Strengths in Youth, Families & Communities
Resilience in Action Inc. 2007
Page 13: To overcome adversities, children draw from three sources of
resilience features Grotberg, Edith H (PhD) The International Resilience
Project A Guide to Promoting Resilience in Children: Strengthening the Human
Spirit Bernard Van Leer Foundation viewed 7 September 2012 at:
http://resilnet.uiuc.edu/library/grotb95b.html#chapter1
Page 17: Young people live up or down to expectations we set for
them. Kenneth Ginsburg, M.D., The Seven Cs: The Essential Building Blocks
of Resilience viewed 7 September 2012 http://www.fosteringresilience.
com/7cs_parents.php
Page 18: when language is developing, acknowledge and label the
childs feelings Grotberg, Edith H (PhD) The International Resilience
Project A Guide to Promoting Resilience in Children: Strengthening the Human
Spirit Bernard Van Leer Foundation viewed 7 September 2012 at:
Page 20: During ages eight through eleven, the child learns about
industry. He or she is actively engaged in mastering life skills,
particularly in schoolwork Grotberg, Edith H (PhD) The International

Resilience Project A Guide to Promoting Resilience in Children: Strengthening
the Human Spirit Bernard Van Leer Foundation viewed 7 September 2012 at:
Page 21: Young people live up or down to expectations we set for
them. Kenneth Ginsburg, M.D., The Seven Cs: The Essential Building Blocks
of Resilience viewed 7 September 2012 http://www.fosteringresilience.
com/7cs_parents.php
Page 22: As we raise children, our goal has to be to prepare children to
be happy, healthy 35 year olds. Kenneth Ginsburg, M.D., The Seven Cs: The
Essential Building Blocks of Resilience viewed 7 September 2012
http://www.fosteringresilience.com/7cs_parents.php
Page 23: Students with well-developed social and emotional skills
find it easier to manage themselves, relate to others, develop
resilience and a sense of self-worth, resolve conflict, engage in
teamwork and feel positive about themselves and the world
around them. The development of personal and social capability is
a foundation for learning and for citizenship. Australian Curriculum
Assessment and Reporting Authority viewed 6 September 2012
http://www.australiancurriculum.edu.au/GeneralCapabilities/Personal-andsocial-capability/Introduction/Introduction
Page 23: KidsMatter Primary is a mental health and wellbeing
framework for primary schools and is proven to make a positive
difference to the lives of Australian children. Successful Schools
Start with Healthy Minds viewed 6 September 2012 at:
http://www.kidsmatter.edu.au/primary
Page 27: You promote resilience if you remove her from the situation
so you do not disturb others, explain calmly to her that she cannot
take things without your permission, and give her something else or
show her something else to distract her. Grotberg, Edith H (PhD) The
International Resilience Project A Guide to Promoting Resilience in Children:
page | 37
Authors notes continued
Strengthening the Human Spirit Bernard Van Leer Foundation viewed 7

September 2012 at:
Page 33: Fast Facts KidsHelpine viewed 7 September 2012 at:

http://www.kidshelp.com.au/grownups/news-research/hot-topics/beingresilient.php
Page 27: The resilient three year old feels secure in his or her parents
love and believes that his or her needs will be met. Grotberg, Edith H
(PhD) The International Resilience Project A Guide to Promoting Resilience in
Children: Strengthening the Human Spirit Bernard Van Leer Foundation viewed
7 September 2012 at http://resilnet.uiuc.edu/library/grotb95b.html#chapter1
Page 33: How to Raise Resilient Kids NSW Department of Education and
Communities viewed 7 September 2012 at: http://www.schoolatoz.nsw.edu.
au/wellbeing/health/how-to-raise-resilient-kids
Page 29: How can you help develop resilience in young people?
KidsHelpine Being Resilient viewed 7 September 2012 at:
http://www.kidshelp.com.au/grownups/news-research/hot-topics/beingresilient.php
Page 30: People of all ages who have not been wounded by bullying
have a strong amount of self-acceptance. They protect themselves
emotionally. Bernard, Michael E Ph.D.) Bullying the Power to Cope The
Bernard Group 2011
Page 33: Optimism has been associated with long-term health and
resistance to disease in many research studies Just the Facts: Resilience
Optimism viewed 7 September 2012 at: http://afterdeployment.org/sites/
default/files/pdfs/client-handouts/resilience-optimism.pdf
Page 33 Skills that improve a sense of control over life are central
elements of Resilience. Just the Facts: Resilience Understanding Resilience
viewed 7 September 2012 at: http://www.afterdeployment.org/sites/default/
files/pdfs/client-handouts/resilience-understanding.pdf
Page 30: You promote resilience if you pick him up and begin to soothe
him while finding out if he is wet, too cold or too hot, needs patting on
his back to remove air, or mainly needs comforting (I HAVE). You help
him calm down if he feels loved and cared for (I AM), and if he can begin
to calm himself down (I CAN). Grotberg, Edith H (PhD) The International
Resilience Project A Guide to Promoting Resilience in Children: Strengthening
the Human Spirit Bernard Van Leer Foundation viewed 7 September 2012 at:
Page 32: The following items were used in the International Resilience
Project as a checklist for perceptions of resilience in children Grotberg,
Edith H (PhD) The International Resilience Project A Guide to Promoting
Resilience in Children: Strengthening the Human Spirit Bernard Van Leer
Foundation viewed 7 September 2012 at:
page | 38

Building resilience in your child is provided to
parents as an education support initiative of
the Australian Scholarships Group (ASG).
ASG offers parents a proven and proactive way to help
nurture and offset the cost of their childrens education. As a
not-for-profit organisation, ASG Members share the benefits.
ASG has been helping families and children for almost 40 years,
and more than 509,000 children have been enrolled with ASG in
that time. Currently ASG has more than 112,000 families enrolled
in an ASG education program in Australia. ASG has returned
more than $A1.8 billion in education benefits to Members and
their children since its inception.*
For more information about ASG and its range of education
and parenting support initiatives visit www.asg.com.au or
call 1800 648 945.
*At 1 July 2013

Building resilience in your child Published 2013
Please consider the Product Disclosure Statement available at ASGs registered office or any Information Centre.
page | 39

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Building resilience

About the reports author - Ann-Maree Kelly

Resilience can be learned

Why do schools teach children resilience?

Your role in teaching your child resilience

Tips for building resilience in secondary

Tips for building resilience in young people in

Working with teachers and schools

Teachers suggest ways parents build their

Ways of thinking and their influences

Perspectives into resilience

Frequently asked questions (FAQs)

Checklist for resilience

About the Australian Scholarships Group

Three sources of resilience

Tips for building resilience in babies and toddlers

Tips for building resilience in preschool children

Tips for building resilience in primary school children

knowing how to turn things around when the going

Resilience is the ability to bungy jump through life

About the reports author Ann-Maree Kelly

About the reports author Ann-Maree Kelly

During a career of more than 30 years, Ann-Maree has been

Ann-Maree was a principal with the NSW Department of

social and emotional competencies needed to be taught to

They have learned to set realistic goals and expectations

They have the ability to bounce back.

They have developed the ability to solve problems and

You can see examples of resilience every day in the media.

They believe they can be successful.

They are prepared to persevere with a task even when it

They are hopeful and possess high self-worth.

They like helping people.

They feel special and appreciated and have the supervision

They possess a sense of fun.

They are aware of their weaknesses and vulnerabilities but

Resilience can be learned

Resilience can be learned

Why do schools teach children resilience?

Why do schools teach children resilience?

Researchers have also found that there is a significant link

There is research evidence that shows there is a connection

Your role in teaching your child resilience

Your role in teaching your child resilience

are the adult in the relationship and sometimes need to

If it is not working, dont keep doing the same thing

Your role in teaching your child resilience continued

Identify strengths as well as weaknesses: Children need

the consequences of each action. They will then have a

Encourage your child to help others: Children will

Perspectives into resilience

Perspectives into resilience

These personal traits can have an impact on your childs

One child may be withdrawn, quiet and introverted while

Perspectives into resilience continued

Environmental influences: You aim to do the best that you

Three sources of resilience

a person people can like and love

Perspectives into resilience continued

A resilient child does not need all of these features to be

As we raise children, our goal has to be to

Children need to become resilient to overcome the many

Perspectives into resilience continued

Competence: Children become competent through