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bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

APRIL 2014

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bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

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bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

CLEVER CULTURE

SKIN
DEEP

JAN 2015

We asked our friends on Facebook to share

their trans related tattoos with us and the
results were amazing! From trans symbols, flags
and testosterone compounds to really intricate
designs. Make sure you keep reading to hear
about Syluss, our tattoo artist featured later in
the magazine.

COMMUNITY ENDORSEMENT
@transandinked

Trans and Inked, instagrams favorite tag

for guys with tattoos. Now with over 5k
followers and counting. We love double
clicking that ink.

@sylussink

We got to catch up with Syluss, an

amazing tatoo artist who happens to be
a trans man. After you read about him
here, check out more of his work and
follow him on Instagram.

@joeyjtattoo

FTM Tattoo artist from Bangkok Thailand, whose work is on point. Follow
him and his art on instagram and show
him some love.

bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

FTM MAGAZINE CEO,

JASON ROBERT BALLARDS

FAVORITE
THINGS
ABOUT
2014

JAN 2015

Any news about the positive movement of the FTM community and Im
excited. There are a few small things,
however, that have not escaped my
knowledge that Id like to point out
and take a minute to explain why I
liked them.

The BROTHERS Web Series:

Who says youve got to have the support of a major TV station to produce
a TV show about transmen? This series
followed four Brooklyn guys at different
places on their transition. The show itself isnt what I really love about this series though. After watching the current
5 episodes, seeing posts about it from
my friends on Facebook and speaking
personally with producer Emmet Jack
Lundberg, there is something really special about this project.
Its the cameos of other transmen.
If you notice the Point 5cc Super T

bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

hat, or the music by transmen such as

Skylar Kergil and Cristopher August,
or special guest Ryan Sallans, youll
know why this series is on my list of
things I loved about 2014.
It would be easy for us to all just do
our own thing. However, when we
promote each other and keep things
inside the community were creating a
culture and that is an awesome thing.
Justice Roe competing in the first
FTM Body Building Competition.
Prior to attending the FTM Fitness
world conference I had not known
Justice. I had known three out of five
guys and two judges and they had
all had top surgery before the competition. It can be easy to assume
this would be true for everyone who
would be competing. The level of
dysphoria Ive heard transmen have
about their chests could be extremely crippling, so I was surprised when
Justice was strong enough to compete pre-surgery. It really gave me a
choked up moment about myself and
what I was letting hold me back from
the things I wanted to do. Justice was
a shear showing of strength and courage in more than just his body.
Mitch Kellaways writings for
Advocate.com.
One thing we struggle with in the
FTM community has always been
visibility. Recently, writer Mitch
Kellaway has taken a position on the
writing team of advocate.com and has
been just cranking out amazing pieces about trans men. Ive started joking that if theyve posted something
about us, it was a pretty good chance
it was written by Mitch.
Mitch wrote about the magazine titling it Could this magazine be the
GQ for trans men? which was incredibly gracious. Other titles include

TDOR: Those weve lost in 2014,

This years 10 best transgender non-fiction books and Meet Gay games first
trans Gold Medalist.
That Kye Allums is back.
Advocate and long time friends Kye
Allums went MIA for long enough to
alarm me and send out a search post.
Taking some time to himself, Kye went
on a short hiatus to really focus on what
he was doing and where he was going.
Knowing personally that the stress of
advocacy work can become extremely
overwhelming and the burn out rate is
high, Im glad that Kye is back in the
game with a new direction. It was awesome to see him and his story on The
T Word, and to catch up with him as
friends.
Buck Angel won his divorce case.
Whatever your personal opinions are
about porn stars, Buck Angel has been
an advocate and well known trans man
since before I was out. After seeing his
documentary Mr Angel on Netflix, I
was literally shocked to read about his
divorce case and what his now ex wife
has to say about his status of manhood.
It was relieving to hear that he had won
and things had sorted themselves out.
FreeToM Prosthetics
Not only is the CEO a really cool guy,
but the product is amazing. I use it
myself. I have the 6.5 traditional with
the color upgrade and its so beautiful.
Ive never called a prosthetic beautiful
before.
Poppa_Squats Muscles
Our favorite gym rat and power
squatter Kinnon McKinnon from
Nova Scotia, best known for his instagram: Poppa_Squats pulled off the Gay
Games first trans man gold medalist this
year. Prior to his title, Ive followed his

We could
be twins! If
I didnt love
pizza.

Justice Roe: FTM Body Builder

instagram for awhile. My fianc calls

him my permanent #mancrushmonday! Since I was younger Ive always
had this fantasy body that I wanted to
sculpt out and found that while growing up Id been just about 90% too
lazy and unfocused to achieve it. Seeing Kinnons photos really just make
me want to go hit the gym and stick
to a plan and get there.
The Keystone Conference
Little known conference in Harrisburg, PA every year that Ive been attending for two years now (this year
will be three). Low numbers when it
comes to trans men, but each year Ive
met that handful of guys and Ive continued to talk to them all year long.
My first year I met and befriended
trans activist Kye Allums. Second
year I had dinner, dessert and many
a beer with trans comedian Ian Harvie. I even met one of our now writers
here at FTM Magazine, Mr Tyler Joel
Davies at Keystone. If youre in the
area, its a very personal, personable,
enjoyable atmosphere and learning
opportunity.

bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

APRIL 2014

Blake
Brockington
FTM Homecoming King

Congratulations on your homecoming victory!

this is an amazing step for the trans community.
Have things quieted down since then?
B: Thank you so much! I understand the importance of winning. It feels great. Things have kind
of gotten better, but at school, there are still a lot
of snickering and jokes in my direction. A lot
more than before reverse homecoming. However, the internet torment has stopped and I'm glad
that I pulled through and that I am still pulling
through. It got really tough. It is still really
tough.
FTM: We've read all of your interviews around
the web on your big win, is there something that
they didn't cover or touch on that you'd like
covered on a platform for your peers?
B: I was raised in Charleston, SC to a religious,
southern baptist church. It was not an awful
experience. I only remember one "Adam and
Steve" sermon. I was very young, between six
and eight, and I cried because I knew that I was
different.

At school, there was a mixture of extreme

support and extreme disgust. I received no
in-between reactions from them.
My family has never heard me say, "I am Blake
and I prefer male pronouns" or "Hey guys, I'm
trans*." However, over the years, each time that I
have visited, there has been another change in
me. My freshman year, I came home with very
short hair and "boyish" clothes. My sophomore,
I came home with boxers on and wore
swimming trunks to the beach. My junior year, I
came home with a buzz cut and a binder. My
senior year, I came home with all of these things
and a girlfriend. The next time that they see me,
I will have facial hair and a deeper voice. I have
never received any negativity from my maternal
family. They may not fully understand my transition, but they have never nagged me about
changing who I am. My paternal family was
initially the exact opposite, but they seem
indifferent now. My mother, aunt, and sister
came to Charlotte for the homecoming game. It
was very comforting to know that they wanted
to support me.
FTM: Would you say that you've received a
positive feedback from the community?
B: Surprisingly, a lot of people, strangers,
acquaintances, and friends, became great
supporters and advocates. Some were from the
LGBTQ community and others were from the
straight community. It was great.
Of course, there were negative and ignorant
comments toward me from every angle, both
directly and indirectly. I had never heard people
be so hateful to me with their words. Surprisingly enough, some of the most hurtful comments

were from people of the LGBTQ community,

gay men in particular, saying that I am a
"disgrace to the community" and that "it's all in
my head". Their comments hurt the most
because I have always been a huge advocate for
other members of the LGBTQ community, no
matter the spectrum(s) that they fell under.
FTM: What about those at your school?
B: At school, there was a mixture of extreme
support and extreme disgust. I received no
in-between reactions from them. Some people,
both people I did and did not know, showered
me in hugs and others with hatred and
disrespect. I lost a lot of "friends" that were really
just showing me how they really felt about me. I
started to see it as me shedding dead weight.
Since homecoming, I have been more to myself
to avoid having my feelings hurt or getting upset.
My teachers have been more respectful of my
pronouns, along with other faculty and students.
Hearing what I had to say really made them
understand the importance of using my
preferred pronouns and name. That meant a lot
to me. I have even caught teachers defending me,
which had never happened before, to my knowledge.
FTM: For the young/teen guys out there, what
advice would you give for those dealing with
high school and being out, or thinking about
coming out?
B: When you get sick and tired of the closet, get
out of there! Children are cruel and grow to be
hateful adults, but just remember that tomorrow,
next week, next year, or ten to twenty years from
now, they will be just as irrelevant to your
prosperity as your feelings are to them. The
world around you is scary, I know, but it is not
fair to you to have to live a life that is not your
own. It is not fair to you to hate yourself for not
being true. Even in a community that is not
open to change, you could be the precedent. You
could be the one person to expose them and
change their minds. You could be a contributing
factor to equality for all. It will not always be
easy. There will be nights when it seems that all is
lost and the end is in your hands, waiting for you
to follow through. There will be times when no
one around you has anything positive to say.
There will be times when all you can do is hate
yourself because "it is what you deserve". There
will be times when the only release is the pleasure
of pain. It will seem like it will never get easier,
like it will never get better, but there are people
out there to love and support you from afar.
There are people to not only sympathize, but
empathize, and completely understand what you
are have been through, are going through, and
will go through. Do not give up on yourself and
submit to "social norms". You must be yourself,
your biggest fan, the loudest voice in your head
telling you to move forward. You must live to see
your happiness because it is out there waiting for
you. This is hard, but just keep going. Please
keep going. Live for yourself.

bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

JULY 2014

LIFES
A
DRAG

Transgender Men in the Drag World

By Kristyn Is
Growing up an obvious tomboy in a small, rural
and very conservative Albertan town, self
proclaimed baby dyke Taz was just eighteen
and starving for queer culture when he discovered drag. A real stage where his inner tomboy
could serenade that special lady, not just the one
he had long ago carved out in his head. He was
hooked and just a month later Tony McShane
was born, performing regularly. Making the
move out to the coast to Vancouver, Taz decided
it was time to explore a more queer friendly
place, inevitably discovering Man Up - Vancouver's monthly drag show produced by veteran
king, Paige "Ponyboy" Frewer.

Taz describes Man Up as "that safe space for me

to ponder my gender in and outside of drag; a
place to be yourself, the gender(s) you are and
are not and in doing so, it encourages people to
come out, feel respect and acceptance. A place
to find the courage they need to continue on in
the outside world - in the workplace, with
friends, at school, with family. It has made the
community visible, and you can't be what you
can't see."
Men and women have been playing with
traditional gender roles on stage, under the
umbrella of drag since the late nineteenth
century, though the term "drag king" wasn't
first seen in print until 1972. Today it loosely
defines female-bodied people who dress in

traditionally masculine clothing for the stage, or

other reasons. It also extends to those assigned
female at birth who wish to present themselves
in a more masculine gender role, and to trans
men.
Ethan Wilson, whose alter ego "Buttah" hit the
drag scene running when, working as a youth
outreach worker he attended a conference in
Kamloops, BC for LGBT youth. It was here that
Wilson first met other transgender people, a
pivotal point in the shifting of feelings
surrounding his own gender. "I knew it in my
head, just not in my heart and I didn't yet have
the words." What began as a hosting role for a
production/workshop the conference designed,
turned at the eleventh hour, into a drag show

bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

and suddenly Buttah was a king, and Wilson a

drag performer who would go on to transition
and identify as male full time.
From Kamloops to Vancouver to Washington,
DC, Wilson has taken Buttah places he never
imagined both solo and with DK United and
Kings of Vancouver drag troupes. Drag has
become his lifestyle, the place where he
says,"great folks are coming together in a safe
space to be themselves - where something
special gets to exist between the performers and
the audience." Wilson prefers to identify first
and foremost as a performer, and to let the
questioning of gender occur in the performance. "With gender being so fluid, it doesn't
have to be so black and white, for those four
minutes you can just be you, whoever that is,
with no strings attached." Ethan and Buttah are
one in the same, but "performing is my personality on steroids.. I'm a regular guy who likes to
lay in bed with my cat and read."
Both Taz and Ethan agree that the Man Up
audience continues to change, show goers are
younger, the venue has become bigger and the
variety of genders is always there. Both also
agree that the drag world is also changing, Taz
believes "the essence of drag is all about pushing
the gender boundaries, and breaking those
stereotypes that say gender is for this or that;
since when has drag been about keeping gender
traditions?"
Wilson earned his stripes in a more traditional
drag world dominated by the queens and finds
kings are pushing the envelope with drag,
exploring more contemporary ideals, sometimes
political but always entertaining and always
respectful. He believes every performance
should tell a story, should evoke some feeling.
In that audience could be the next young,
burgeoning performer, a young man or woman
who gender doesn't fit, who is looking for a
place to challenge what they have been told
about who they are or are not supposed to be,
and to seek comfort in who they definitely are.
The ever effervescent Ru Paul may have said it
best, "We all came into this world naked, the
rest is all drag."

NOTORIOUS LEZ | ROCHESTER, NY

How did you first get into the drag culture?
When I turned 18 years old, I went to my first
LGBT friendly bar known as Club Mutherz. I
happened to go on a night where they had an all
drag king show which caught my attention. I was
a very shy person (believe it or not) and was just
coming out in the community. I messaged one of
the head drag queens on myspace (did I just date
myself?) and I have now been performing ever
since June 2004.
What compelled you the most to perform?
Becoming Notorious L.E.Z. gives me the ability to
embrace a different persona on stage. I am a lot
more confident when I am on stage, and being a
drag king has helped me to break out of my shy
shell and meet a lot of awesome individuals. I
started in Rochester, then I branched out to
Buffalo and Syracuse. I have also had the honor of
performing at many college drag shows as well.
What are your thoughts on those that say
Transmen doing drag is cheating or ask you why
you do it.
Performing is an art. Anybody can create an
illusion different from their every day lives. I
think that transmen as well as transwomen should
definitely be allowed to perform as drag kings and
queens.

What is your favorite song to perform?

The song that many people know me to perform,
and my favorite song to perform is a certain song
by Buckcherry. But for the sake of not writing
explicit titles, I would say my second favorite song
to perform is Def leppard "Pour Some Sugar On
Me."
Have you won any titles?
No I have not, unfortunately for drag kings around
here the mister titles have been taken over by
cisgender males. It is hard to compete with professional dancers who can just simply take their shirts
off.
What is your drag name and how did you pick it?
My drag name is Notorious L.E.Z. I got it by
putting my real name in a "drag name generator"
online. The name they gave me was Notorious
F.A.G. and that certainly did not fit for me. So I
made a slight adjustment and *poof* here I am!
Do you feel like your drag persona and your own
personality are similar or different? How so?
My drag persona and my own personality when I
first started performing were very different. On
stage I was very confident and off stage I was the
shy person in the back of the club against the wall.
Over the past years of performing my confidence
on stage has slowly made its way into my every day
personality. I can definitely say performing has has
a huge positive impact on my self esteem.

bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

THE
ATTENDANCE
DEBACLE

JULY 2014

By Rowan Colins

Attendance in class can be one of the most

nerve-wracking moments of the school year, no
matter what level youre in. For many trans*
folks, attendance means being forced to
acknowledge our birth names in front of
classmates and teachers some of whom may
not be receptive or friendly.
One key thing can be done to avoid this
uncomfortable, triggering, or just plain awkward
situation. Approaching your teacher(s) ahead of
time and letting them know you go by another
name and requesting that they follow suit can
help ease anxiety surrounding roll call and also
put you on a personal level with your teachers
before the school year has truly begun.
I am a college student, but these quick tips can
be used at the high school or middle school level
as well. If youre in secondary school and you
know the teachers or will see them in person
before school begins feel free to tell them
face-to-face if you want it can often be beneficial for teachers to put a face to the name they
will now be using for you. Same goes for higher
ed. if youve been at your college/university for a
while and know the professors youll be taking
classes with.
A few days, or even a week if you have the
time, before the semester or school year begins
track down the email addresses of your teachers
and begin to draft a stock email.
Be sure to include which class you will be taking
with them (as well as period/block number for
high school and course code/meeting time for
college) and your name as it will appear on their
class roster along with the name you currently
go by and wish for them to use in attendance and
class. You can start your email by introducing
yourself with your name before delving into
what you will be listed on their roster as.
Explain why there is a disparity between your
name and what you are filed in the system as. A
simple I am transgender and do not go by [birth
name here] anymore will more than suffice.
Request that they change your name on their
attendance list and refer to you thusly in class.
An additional request for pronoun changes is
also a good idea. For this, be sure to specify
which PGP (preferred gender pronouns) you
would like them to use so there is no room for
error or misinterpretation.

Ending the email with a positive statement

about being excited for their class or to meet
them on the first day is a nice touch. Politeness
and enthusiasm are usually well received and will
put your teacher in an affirmative state of mind.
Sign your email with your name, reinforcing
what you wish to be called.
Most teachers and professors will be very
receptive to a request like this and wont give you
any trouble whatsoever.
An important thing to remember when drafting
your email is to be direct and respectful. Let
them know who you are, what you need from
them, and that you appreciate their understanding and actions in advance.
Be proactive and you can avoid the birth name
debacle in classrooms from now on!
Heres a simple stock email I used at the
beginning of this past semester (names have been
removed for privacy purposes):
[Title and name here of professor or teacher],
My name is [name here] and I'm enrolled in
your [name of class] course and just wanted to
send an email before our first meeting. On your
roster my name is [birth name here] but I am
transgender so I do not go by or identify with
that name.
If you could change my name to [name here,
again] and address me using male pronouns I
would be very grateful. I have not been able to
change my name with school because it is not
legally changed as of yet. I'd be happy to answer
any questions or speak with you further if need
be.
Thank you very much for your understanding. I
am very much looking forward to this course.
See you tomorrow in class.
Sincerely,
[name here once again]

bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

An important thing to remember when drafting

your email is to be direct and respectful. Let them
know who you are, what you need from them,
and that you appreciate their understanding and
actions in advance.

bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

PACKING
PEEING
PLEASURE FOR YOU
PLEASURE FOR THEM
THE
REVOLUTIONARY
4IN1 PROSTHETIC

FREETOM
PROSTHETICS
.COM

bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

What The #FTM

No description, ju a hash tag, why on earth.

TOP FTM ACRONYMS

1. First Time Mother (Babies and Pregnant Women)

2. F* The Mags (Sunderland Football/Soccer)
3. F* The Man
4. F* The Matrix
5. Florida-Tallahassee Mission
6. French Toast Mafia
7. For The Moment
8. Future Technologies Magazine
9. Full Throttle Maniac
10. Face The Music

APRIL 2014

bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

APRIL 2014

LOWER
ESTROGEN
- AVOID PLASTICS
- EAT ORGANIC
- CONSUME CITRUS FRUITS

- AVOID BEER
- EAT NUTS
- LOSE BODY FAT
- TRAIN HARD
With all of our food drenched
in checmials and packed full of
growth hormones, organic and
grass fed foods and fresh water
fish are your way to go. Shop
local and avoid plastics whenever possible.
- bodybuilding.com

NUTRITION

Testosterone and Estrogen are found in

both males and females of every species.
Your level of naturally occurring Testosterone is one of the reasons your doctor needs
to do blood work regularly. It is also another reason why some guys are on different
levels of testosterone injections weekly then
others. There are many ways to increase or
decrease naturally occurring hormone

Garlic-Almond
Chicken

levels. Exercise, getting plenty of rest and

even the foods you eat can play a part in
the overall health of your body and functioning of your hormone glands. Here are
some foods statistically shown to increase
testosterone levels and what the key ingredient is in each example.

Ingredients
2 boneless-skinless chicken breasts
Salt & Pepper
Pinch of Cayenne
1/4 Cup Roasted, Unsalted Almonds
1 Small Garlic Clove
4 tsp Extra-Virgin Olive Oil
Directions
Preheat oven to 425F. Season chicken with
salt, pepper and cayenne.
Place on aluminum foil lined sheet pan.
In a food processor, make a coarse paste of the
almonds, garlic and oil.
Top each chicken breast with half mixture pressing
down slightly to adhere.
Roast for 15 to 18 minutes until cooked through.
Serve with your choice of sides.

bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

ST

GIVE YOUR TESTOSTERONE A

1. ZINC

Found in: Oysters

Foods high in Zinc are our number one booster. 100g of cooked
Oysters contain 524% of your daily value of zinc. Can't handle the
taste? Pumpkin seeds are a second best to foods with this mineral in
it.

2. INDOLE-3-CARBINOL

Found in: Broccoli

Cruciferous foods such as broccoli, cauliflower, cabbage and
brussels sprouts contain a natural chemical called Indole-3carbinol, shown in studies to help dissolve stored estrogen from
your body. These vegetables are also high in fiber, which can help
with weight control.

3. MAGNESIUM

Found in: Brazil Nuts and Cashews

The magnesium found in nuts such as brazil nuts, cashews, pine
nuts and pecans is a natural source of testosterone boosting
goodness. The healthy fats found in nuts contribute to a diet high in
protein which helps to naturally maintain a healthy T level.

GET ALL YOU CAN FROM YOUR DOSE

BY KT RINALLO

4. VITAMIN D

Found in: Eggs, Spinach, Fish

Foods high in vitamin D such as Eggs not only increase natural
testosterone levels, but have been known to kick your libido into
gear. Men's Health suggests a breakfast high in Vitamin D and
healthy fats and cholesterol: Eggs and Bacon with s small amount
of toast. Want to get more T boosters in there? Opt for Wheat Germ
toast which is high in Zinc. Of course, lets not forget about good
old-fashioned sunlight!

5. DIALLYL DISULFIDE

A compound found in garlic that enhances the hormone which

increases testosterone production. Garlic is easy to add into almost
any meal. (cloves of garlic that is, not the powder!)

6.
MONO-SATURATED FATS
Several studies put these fats at producing the highest levels of

testosterone in the body. Whenever possible, east organic or grass

feed and watch out for the sugar in your yogurts. Oragnic and grass
fed meats will contain less growth hormones which contain
staggering amounts of estrogen.
EXTRA: Getting a solid 7-8 hours of sleep and keeping low to
minimum stress levels have been key points in raising and
maintaining testosterone levels throughout all of our research.

bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

FEATURED ARTISTS
In sharing his photography Harper has come under
some criticism about the perceived binary nature of his
subjects, which he is unfazed by as it goes back to his
original intention with the project to really question the
assumptions we make about other people. Harper says,
We make all kinds of assumptions about people when
we meet them. You look at a picture of a guy and assume
hes binary but maybe he doesnt identify as binary. Maybe he doesnt identify as a guy.

RHYS
HARPER
CREATOR OF
THE
TRANSCENDING
GENDER
PROJECT

Knowing that we immediately judge people by what we

see, the work of The Trans*cending Gender Project is
presented with no labels. Harper asks his subject their
preferred pronouns and their gender identity so he may
appropriately communicate with them during the photo
shoot and afterwards on social media, but the labels stop
there.
Its not a secret thing, he says in talking about their
labels, but I want to place a focus on who we are as
people beyond our gender and focus on what some of
those other identities are.

JAN 2015

ometimes it takes a brilliant idea six years

to marinade before its visibly seen to develop into fruition, which is how the story of Rhys Harpers The Trans*cending Gender
Project begins. Living in New York City, Harper first thought of the idea in 2008 when he
started thinking about his own transition. At
that time he wondered if people would see him
differently, when all he wanted was to be seen as
the genuine and kind person he knows himself
to be. As a photographer Harper thought about
ways he could photograph people and have the
viewer not necessarily know that they are transgender. But the demands of living in the city
that never sleeps held him back from executing
his dream right away.
Then after years of nurturing his concept, in
January 2014 ArtRage Gallery in Syracuse approached Harper with an exhibit pitch, but he
ambitiously turned around and instead offered
the concept of photographs of people who happen to be of the trans* experience. They loved
it and so the The Trans*cending Gender Project
was born.

Unlike typical transgender media projects these

photos do not focus on transition, If I could
just never even mention that these people are
trans that would be my preference, says Harper. He adds, at the core I think were all people and I think trans people... or people who
happen to be of trans* experience have lives
that go beyond just who they are as a trans*
individuals.
When I talk with Harper we unsurprisingly
slip into a cerebral discussion on gender, but
what could be a complex conversation seems
quite straight-forward. Harper wants to portray
trans people as just people. We discuss the line
between showcasing someones trans* and/or
transgender identity, and alternatively leaving
it out completely. Trans identity is important
to us in so many different ways, he says, but
some people just want to be seen as male or
female; they just want to blend in. And then
youve got people who want to visibly be seen
as trans* and all of these decisions are okay.
Essentially Harpers project aims to tell not a
transgender story but a human story told by
people.

Harper tells me about a recent media article he was reading where he broke the golden rule of, never read the
comments. He says, There were all these comments
with people talking about sex chromosomes and transition and all these physical things and the reality is that
many times you can meet people on the street and it
would never even cross your mind to question their
gender or even if theyre trans. And yet we focus on the
physical aspect of what it is to be transgender all time.
In listening to him, I realize that ironically, this visual
project is challenging the physical assumptions we place
on the trans* experience by provoking the viewer into
thinking about all the other identities of what it is to be
a human being. That is how we encourage mainstream
society, outside of the gender queer/non-conforming/
trans* space to relate to us as human beings Harper
says.
A striking way in which Harpers project has already
started hitting its goal is through the portraits he shared
following his three-week life changing road trip. He
photographed dentists, doctors, neighbors, postal workers, a warrior, a cyclists, a nun and one of his most controversiala young transman with a gun. Many of these
portraits were exhibited in the Boswell Mourot Gallery
in Little Rock, Arkansas. The political impact of seeing
these photos hung together is not lost in a small southern-State town, By nature the trans community is liberal and progressive and the assumption is that we share
these values, but the truth is a lot of the smaller town,
more rural stories are not often shared. I photographed
a guy in rural Oklahoma with his gun and I had several comments about people leaving the Facebook page
over that or not supporting the project because I photographed someone with their gun.

bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

If I could just
never even mention
that these people are
trans that would be
my preference

Which goes to show that this project is breaking

internal stereotypes within our community too.
Harper explains, A radical left-leaning stance is
one of those assumed shared opinions whereas
in reality me photographing a guy with his gun
had nothing to do with a personal statement
on gun control or not... its about photographing people as they are in their environment and
thats not a story you think about too often.
He continues, There are trans people who live
in these super conservative rural areas who like
hunting and fishing and theyre Southern and
theyre country kids... or a number of different things that we dont often think about and
thats really exciting for me to see all of these
different stories displayed together in a rural
environment to show the diversity in this community that we miss sometimes.
Having the chance to traverse the country photographing trans people from all walks of life
had a significant impact on how Harper has
chosen to direct the project from here. The
trip definitely changed me, he said. I was
able to really spend a lot of alone time thinking
about my life and how I can use my career to
make change, which is where I came up with
the next phase of this project which Im really
excited to talk about photographing people
outside of the trans community.

The Transcending Gender Project opens November 8,

2014 7:00 pm and runs through January 17, 2015 4:00
pm. See more at: www.artragegallery.org.

Facebook.com/transcendinggenderproject

I want to break stereotypes or preconceived

assumptions of what a trans person is and show
that were just as diverse and were the same.
We are you. And this thought process led him
to again question the line between challenging gender stereotypes through photographing
people because theyre trans* or photographing
people regardless of their sex-assigned-at-birth
or assumed gender.

It doesnt matter what genitalia someone has

and its not a project about sex-assigned-atbirth... I dont even know that its a project
necessarily about gender, its a project about
people. And its done in the context of how our
society talks and thinks about gender.
Harper is certainly wildly ambitious and looks
to Adam Bouska and Jeff Parshleys N0H8
Campaign as inspiration, That project connected the LGBT community with society at
large. They have over a million facebook likes
and thats where I want to go with this. I want
to be able to really make that connection between the trans community and the rest of society. Is this project about gender? It really isnt.
Its a project about people. And just happens to
be in the context of gender.
To create the shift in society Harper seeks, he
is opening up the next stage of the project to
anyone who wants to participate, The only
requirement is that you tell me at the time of
your shoot one way in which you break a gender stereotype. Harper believes this will create
a fully inclusive project as all people cis- and
trans- buck the societal gender assumptions in
some way. It could be as simple as a ciswoman
saying her favorite color is blue, because where
do we get that pink is a female color anyway?
he says. I feel like most people have a line between the trans- and gender nonconforming
community and everybody else, and I want to
take that line away.
Interviewed By Fiona Dawson

bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

FEATURED ARTISTS
Spirited Tattooing Coalition is to be the first
queer owned and operated tattoo shop in
Philadelphia.
Interviewed By Jordan Miller
Jasmine T. Morrell (J.T.), a brown trans queer from the
Tri- state area, is behind it all. Traveling for months at a time,
Jasmine has made appearances in various tattoo shops across
the country. Each guest experience has added bits and pieces to
what is now a decade worth of know-how and refined tattooing
technique. Wanting to create a space that not only caters to
creative expression, self exploration, and free thinking, has led
Jasmine to finally settle down. Spirited Tattooing Coalition,
located in West Philadelphia, will create a welcoming environment for anyone in and around the LGBTQ community.
In this exclusive interview you will get to know this talented
entrepreneur on a different level.
What is your history with art and how did you get started?
JT: My mother is an artist, so as soon as I could hold a pencil, I
was drawing and creating. Id watch and examine her works and
knew I wanted to do that, and she encouraged me. Growing
up, my father figure was a close family friend named Larry. He
pushed me all the time to keep drawing. Every time Id show
him a piece hed say to me, Okay, that looks great! But I want
more. Can you do another one? Two? Larger? More detailed?
Try it without a reference this time. Between him, my mother,
and my grandmother, I got all the love and support a young
creator could have. As a young adult, I was steadily cutting
classes to go to the art department in our high school and work
on projects, but also because it felt good there. I just wanted
to be around it all, all of the time! I couldnt help myself. As a
young freak, I didnt know that always hanging around the art
wing (like a some weird ink-stained goblin) meant something
or had any power. I never went to college, so my art community as an adult was influenced mainly by tattoo artists, street
artists, and some visual artists that were going to art school.
Currently, tattooing is such a prominent way for me to express
my artistry that it carries over into my drawings and paintings.
These are separate from tattooing, but still echo those stylistic
qualities.
How has the way that you identify affected your close
relationships?
JT: Ive encountered people that were my closest friends for
years who were a bit stand-offish or against me taking hormones but all who have come around after talking about it over
time. My biological family is amazing and while queerness and
having a critical lens for examining genders is a more foreign
subject to them, there wasnt a hesitation to say, We love you
and support who you are/wanna be and will stand by you. As
for significant others... Ive had a few unsavory experiences. As a
whole my people have my back and theres mutual support for

APRIL 2015
SNEAK PEAK

expressing identities so Im grateful because its hard out there.

have no choice. Does that make

sense?

Is art an outlet for you?

JT: This is a hard question for me
because I dont think of it as an
outlet or at least the way that term
is specifically interpreted in my
brain. If I go more than a couple
of days without tattooing or creating something it feels physically
strange and uncomfortable. For
some reason when I hear this
question, I think of moms getting
drunk off wine on a weekend with
their girlfriends in the city at
one of those diy paint workshops,
while they go live life for a few
hours and come back saying,
Yeah its like our monthly thing
that we do. Its an outlet for me.
Its a necessary part of my being
and I dont function well without
it. Yes, I get to express myself in
ways that are a sort of outpouring,
but I do it because I have to, I

What are some of the past

experiences that made you want
to have your own shop?
JT: Working in all kinds of shops
you encounter all kinds of people
and this can be a wonderful and
awful thing, sometimes at the
same time. People come in and
when youre still considered a
novice at your practice you dont
have much say, especially when
capitalism influences peoples bad
behavior. Bosses making you do
shit cause they want the buck.
Customers coming in with money
thinking that means in some way
they are buying you. You sucking
it up and doing something that
makes you feel uncomfortable
because you have to pay rent. Ive
been in some predicaments. My
identity and gender and just becoming comfortable with looking
the way I do and interacting with
people the way I do has caused
friction in some and confusion in
others who arent down with any-

bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

thing but the binary. There have been way

too many exchanges where I was meant
to feel less than. On top of all that pile on
misogyny and racism and its enough to
drive you insane. It was haunting me for
a long while but its like a baby- if you sit
around waiting for when youre gonna be
ready, youre never gonna be ready. This
shop is my baby. Ironically when I open
itll be nine months since I started buckling
down to do this..
What has the process been like so far,
navigating your way through the proper
channels to open up this business?
JT: Its been a nightmare. They make it
really hard for you to be a small business
owner but even harder if you want to
open a tattoo shop in this city. Its unreal.
A whole lot of sleepless nights and more
coffee than I ever thought Id be drinking
but its working! This is going to happen.
Theres no way Id be able to do it completely alone. Ive had so much help and
support from everyone its unbelievable.
I dont want to say I didnt expect it cause
that makes it sound like I dont have any
friends, but damn! My chest gets tight and
I get a lump in my throat thinking of all
the people that have even just shot me a
message saying how they are there for me
and able to help in any way they can. It
is so moving and such a good example of
coming together and building. Yeah its my
shop but this is for everyone that feels or
has ever felt less than, othered, or unwelcome. I wanna be freaks togetherWhat is the your clientele base like?
JT: Im queer, I hang out with mostly
queers, over the years Ive connected with
all sorts of people and a bunch of them
have been really loyal clients, but who I am
and who I spend my time with definitely
reflects the people who come to see me.
Or at least it did? I think at this point Ive
built a name for myself that more people
are seeing my work through friends of
friends and coming to me, and are all kinds
of people. Definitely still more queers and
punks than anything, but its cool to see it
grow and who contacts me knowing who
I am and what I stand for. Basically my
clientele base is badass.
For more information about Spirited
Tattooing Coalition please visit:
www.spritedtattoo.com
www.facebook.com/jasmine.t.morrell
Follow @j_t_tattoo
Photo Credit: Sarah Green
www.kenzifoto.tumblr.com

bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

&
g
n
spri

SUMMER
FASHION14

APRIL 2014

KNOW
WHAT
ELSE

FLOATS?

e
U S ionabl

in

yo

G f ash i n e
TA
s t gaz
mo

ur

@f

tm

ma

Use any of these tip?

Show us how you tried them out.

Tag us in your fashionable selfies on

Instgram and Twitter and be submitted to
appear in Julys Fashion section.

Success-Ories

A braided belt or a two

tone belt will compliment your watch, your
two tone shoes and the
neutral chicness of your
chinos & shirt.

Choosing a watch
that is wood is all
the hype right now.
Its both different,
earthy and classic.
GFOXGEMS.com

Add a touch of pride

in your waredrobe
with these pendents.
Switch the cord out
for a chain to
upgrade the look.
theselfmademen.com

The majority of packers are made from a lightweight silicone or

cyberskin material which is buoyant. Most swim trunks have
mesh underliner that will give you extra support when packing
and swimming. However, loose fitting trunks without a
harness can cause embarrassing scenes. Picture the movies
where a kid jumps in and looses his trunks, except smaller and
harder to explain!
Even within the swim shorts a Mr Limpy or Masho has a
tendency to raise toward the surface. Most of the online FTM
shops have swim wear sections that include items with built in
packing harnesses and pockets. A typical around the waist
Oring will work too
just be sure its not going
anywhere.
Nautical stripes are
screaming
Summer
Fashion. What better
place to rock them
then your trunks? If
Fashion happens in
your
bedroom
where no one sees
it, is it still
awesome?

bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

trends

Could WE Not?

to master
As the weather warms and the polar
vortex we all experienced this winter
seems like nothing but a distant nightmare, throwing on any and all sweats you
own to brave the outdoors wont cut it
anymore. Here are five of the best trends,
from the catwalks of Fashion Weeks
around the world, youll be seeing all
over the place this spring and summer.

Guys! Our Hanes athletic socks are

not designed for dress shoes. There is
a whole breed of sock specifically for
this shoe. Bunched up dingy ankle
socks can ruin your entire look.
- Kevin, Age 29

Blue is making a resurgence

this season. That doesnt mean
you have permission to keep
wearing that blue tee youve
had for seven years thats
fraying at the neck, however.
The great thing about blue is
that it works on a vast array of
skin tones and can help you
pull off something dandy and
formal or that perfect lazy day
outfit. The runways played
host to every conceivable shade
and pairing of blue
turquoise, cornflower, navy,
and everything in between.

Stripes are still in! Both

nautical themed thin, and big
block stripes made repeat
appearances in some of the top,
cutting-edge designers lines.
The great thing about this
trend is that you can use it for
all kinds of situations: subtle or
bold. You can get your hands
on a blazer with massive
chromatic red stripes, or play it
cool with an understated
yellow and white pique polo.
Either way youll win and look
dashing well into fall.

Fashion isnt just about the Dos

but the Donts... The please donts.
Sent in from our readers:

Pants! Its not just jeans that

are blue these days. Consider
a pair of on-trend chinos in
bright blue. Light weight
Chinos, can work in several
ways. With a T shirt for a
casual look, or with a collar
button down shirt for a more
dressy look. A really good
fitting pair of pants is the
foundation of an outfit.

As you may have noticed,

denim is back with a
vengeance. Denim on denim
has been making the rounds
in a lot of major cities (and it
may have never left certain
places who can forget the
jean jacket and oversized
jean short combo of the early
00s) and it shows no signs of
slowing
down.
Denim
doesnt just mean jeans
anymore.
Jackets
and
tailored shorts are just a few
of the staples on the runways
this last go-around.

Like winter is the best for all

black, summer is a great time
to break out your best whites
(after Memorial Day as the
old adage says, of course).
One of the most eye-catching
trends on the runways were
all-white suits. Youll want to
embrace this trend with some
trepidation though. Overdo
the white and youll suddenly
find yourself looking like a
makeshift ghost costume or a
lost extra from A Clockwork
Orange. But if you can pull
off the white palette, youll be
ahead of the curve and
staying cool all at one.

Graphic prints and patterns

are in this season. Designers
were falling over themselves
to use bold graphic designs
on their shirts, jackets, pants,
shorts, shoes, headwear, and
swimwear. Noisy, optical art
inspired clothing is going to
be big for a while to come, so
dont be afraid to get that
asymmetrical blocked shirt
you were eyeing, or grab that
cool graphic t you saw a few
weeks ago.

Kevin is right, there are such thing

as dress socks, and just like most of
the male fashion articles its pretty
cheap to grab yourself quite a few.
This can be another way to mix
some color and patterns in too.

MAKE IT WORK
T Mix and match: dont be afraid to try
new shades and play with patterns to
prevent looking like a head to toe crayon.
T Jeans and pants are a tricky area for
many trans men, so be sure to buy jeans that
make you feel your best. Go for clean
designs, good workmanship (theyll be less
likely to fall apart and get slouchy after a
few wears), and jeans that actually fit your
body.
T Eye-catcher: It can be easy to wash
yourself out if you really commit to the
all-white trend. Be sure to throw in a pop of
color to draw the eye and offset your
otherwise achromatic outfit.
T Crisp and clean, bright whites can bring
incredible freshness to an outfit so feel free
to mix and match with some of the other
trends on this list. Do be aware that white
can often be slightly see-through, so if
youre binding youll want to take that into
account.
T Be tasteful: graphic prints dont mean all
of those slogan t shirts youve had buried in
your closet since middle school are suddenly
cool again. This trend calls for images,
patterns, and designs that dont look like
they could have been ripped from a bumper
sticker.

bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

READERS

CHOICE

NEW
BEGINNINGS

JULY 2014

What was it like starting hormones?

Our readers give their details.

Exciting at first but it didnt really

register until the effects started.
Skylar, 17
I was scared and excited at the
same time. My boyfriend put the
testogel on me, on a trip, just 2
days after my 22nd birthday.
Bart, 23
Empowering. I started T in Salt
Lake City, UT which was a battle
to say the least. I'm not even
ashamed to say that I cried for an
hour before taking my first dose,
both from happiness and anxiety
over how my life would change.
That was nearly 11 years ago and
life has gotten infinitely better.
Olie, 23
Both exciting and frightening,
because I knew things were going
to change, but i was unsure how
much and in what ways.
Zander, 47

Starting T was amazing. It was December 23rd

2012, I had been seeing my doctor 6 hours away
from my home town, once a month for 4
months and finally he asked if I was ready to
start. So I took the prescription home and did
my first shot myself and every other one after
that. I felt a relief, finally I was going to start
being who I truly was inside. next step was top
surgery and I would feel free!
Anden, 22
It was a big step towards my future. Towards a
quality of life for me. I mean if your unhappy
with yourself your just unhappy with everything
else. You have to learn to love yourself before
you start to live. I started androgel on October
23 2013 I did four pumps which is 5grams
everyday until I started to obtain rashes from the
gel. I switch to injectable shots instead 100mg
or .5mL I started that on February 10 2014.
When I first started taking t the first thing I
noticed was my voice cracking for about two
months. I Got super hairy where I applied it. All
in all it's a great and really happy experience for
me.
Arik, 20

It feels like so long ago now, but I

remember taking lots of pictures
and thinking that my voice was
going to change that same day.
The first year after I would swear
I was the most masculine I would
ever be, but then a couple
months later I would look back
and think Wow, Ive changed so
much since then
Justin, 26
I started on Testosterone back on
November 18, 2009 at the age of
32 years old. That initial shot was
nerve racking but exciting at the
same
time. Though I couldn't get past
the fear of giving myself the shot,
I had a friend do it for me, but as
soon as I looked into the mirror it
was weird cause even though it
was the first shot, it was like I was
finally seeing the man I had
hidden way for 32 years.
Michael, 38
I will never forget my first shot. I
sat on the side of my bed staring
at this little glass bottle and
needle. I realized all the work I
had done to get here finally paid
off. I thought this day would
never come. I was scared and
nervous and excited at the same
time.
Quincy, 25

Find next issues Readers Choice question at ftmmagazine.com/submissions

bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

What an amazing journey

it has been already. I feel as
if my life didn't begin until
I cut my hair off in grade
11. I was instantly more
comfortable. I now pass
100 percent of the time
and live as male. My family
was not very supportive
but I told myself I need to
be happy I need to do this
for myself. So I did. I used
to be so shy and insecure
but now I'm outgoing and
just enjoying life.
Korry, 20

OUR STORIES

May not make us brothers, but they give us a common strength

Before I was adopted at the age of nine

I never really knew what gender was.
My sister and I lived in a very dark
place. We rarely saw outsiders or even
our own parents. So to me we were just
humans. September 10, 2003 was the
day my sister, brother and I were adopted. One of the most happiest moments
of my life. My new mother and father
saw that I was different. I chose boy
clothes or at least less feminine ones. I
played the male role in just about any
game or situation. Also when it was
time to pick our new names I chose
masculine ones. Of course mother
would not let me. Soon she began to
dress me in girly clothes. I fought and
cried every time. When I hit puberty. I
must say this was the worst time of my
life. I came to the realization that I was
stuck in this body. I cried for days.
Periods and bras scared me. In between
the ages of 13 and 17 I went from being
a "girl" to a "boy" several times. I didn't
know how to get accepted. Losing
people scared me. I didn't want to be
alone. So just recently did I come out to
everyone as a transgender male. Not
everyone in my family was happy but
we are working on it. I could go on and
tell you every detail that made me who I
am today, but all you need to know is
I'm Becoming Who I Am!
Alexia, Age 19

It took me 23 years to develop the

courage and strength to come out as
transgender. I've known my entire life I
didn't belong in the female body I was
born in, but with my near death experience in 2012, I decided it was time to
stop living a lie. I've never felt more
alive in my entire life and a lot of the
credit has to go to the amazing people
in my life. I love life more than I ever
have before because I'm finally moving
forward.
I'm so excited to finally begin my
journey.
Lucas, Age 23
I left home one week after my 15th
birthday. I was bound for the mythical
mecca of San Francisco to begin my
new life as a boy.
Like many other self made men, I had
been told many defeating lines concerning my gender expression.
It wasn't until six years later that I
happened upon new information and
resources to help me take the next step.
It would be a rocky road ahead, but I
am completely glad that I did it and I
wouldn't trade my journey for
anything.
Olie, Age 32

APRIL 2014

photo: Korry @transdude Instagram

I grew up in small town Idaho in a very Mormon

family, the baby of four, their perfect girl. I was very
sheltered and naive, not that I wanted to be, it just
came with the territory. I didn't understand what I
was or who I was, I just knew something was different. As I grew up I acted like I saw fit in the moment.
I was seen as a "tomboy" which was natural as I had
three older brothers to learn from. I left for boot
camp two weeks after I graduated high school which
meant at 18 I learned a lot about the "REAL" world
pretty quick. After boot camp, I met my first
girlfriend. It was a taboo relationship but I never
thought of it as a lesbian relationship. It was very
hush and behind closed doors, and yes she ended up
breaking my heart of course. I still didn't know who
I was, so I hit the road driving trucks long haul so I
could get some much needed me time. seven years
later I started to realize what I was. I met my future
wife not long after that, 700 miles from my hometown. From minute one we got on the road to
making me feel whole and actually alive for the first
time. After finding the best doctor in town, appointments were made and plans were set. I wrote a 7 page
letter and mailed it to all the members of my family
-- siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins. I told them
WHO I was and what I was doing and that I was
finally for once truly happy and alive. I told them I
was the same person just ready to be a better version
of me! Since then my wife and I have built our
family. I have a great support group and I know how
lucky I am to have the success I have had. After 13
years on T, I have good days and bad, but I love the
man I am today. I traveled many roads to finally
introduce myself to myself.

DW, Age 41

ASK AIDEN

bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

Our Adorably Cliche Advice Columnist

If I shave my face will my hair

grow back thicker or should I
wait for T?
Unfortunately its been proven that shaving your facial hair
doesnt make it grow back thicker. The reason it feels like it
might is because after you shave, the edges of the hairs are
sharp and feel like stubble. After awhile they smooth out and
its all soft peach fuzz again. That being said, no one can tell
you you cant shave pre-t. Depending on the amount of hair
youve got now, getting rid of the baby hairs on your face and
having a smooth surface will help you look more masculine.
Shaving is also a right of passage. A right that no one can
deny you. If you choose to shave pre-t make sure that youre
being careful of razor burn because that stuff hurts! Its when
a razor is drug across skin and not cutting any hairs and it
burns during and after.

How long does it take for your

voice to drop?
Everyones body reacts slightly different to testosterone treatment.
Most guys notice their voices dropping within the first 3-5
months, however it doesnt get to its rest point until a little after a
year. - Something we would recommend is to record your voice in
intervals. That way when youre a year in you can go back and see
just how different your voice has become. Its hard to tell on
yourself and even if you think its the lowest itll ever be in a couple
months, you might be surprised that youre body is still changing.

@wolfffffie

Do you know of some good at home

workout routines for beginners?
I'm just going to use this space to rattle off a couple of creative measures
Ive seen around before! And Go. Fill milk jugs with rocks and sand until
its as heavy as you want it and then use those as weights. Push ups with
varying inclines. Rent/Buy/YouTube some Zumba classes or workout
routines. Hold weights and do slow lunges up the stairs. Use a broom
handle and said milk jugs with tape to create a bunch press bar. Walk or
bike ride.

How do you guys deal with shark

week? is it bad to take birth control
pills every day without interruption
to stop it?
As we are not doctors of any kind, the following information is based on
things we read and people we know.
What weve heard is that there is no medical need to have a period other
than to conceive. There are many doctors that will prescribe continual
birth control to people with harsh shark weeks, both trans and cis alike.
One thing to consider when choosing birth controls is the amount of
estrogen in the one youre prescribed. BCs often contain high levels of
estrogen and that might be counter productive to your physical transitional expectations pre-whatever-you-choose.
@_the_tinman_

bartbloemh@gmail.com 24 Mar 2015

What's an appropriate way to talk to

someone about 'outting' me to others? If
I want to tell someone I am trans, I
want it to be on my own terms, not from
the mouth of someone else.

JULY 2014

First and foremost, youll want to do this privately. No one wants to be

publicly embarrassed if they dont know theyve done anything wrong. Dont
let this issue steam boil inside you until one day you just blow up at them, ya
know? Coming at this on a mutual level is best, for instance: Hey, it could
be really dangerous to out me as trans, Id like to keep this as something I
choose who to tell. Let them know why this is a big deal to you, so they dont
just say okay and then continue to do so behind your back.

I have family members that, regardless of my asking

and stating my preferred pronouns, refuse to call
me anything but "babygir l" and female pronouns.
I've tried being nice about the whole thing, and I
really enjoy these family members.
What should I do?
Its our theory that if you have to say dont take this the wrong way before a
statement, perhaps youre wording it wrong. That being said, the first thing to
come to mind when I read your entry was the time a few years back when I
was training my dog not to chew on my shoes. I could tell he and I were going
to be playing a psychological game for at least a week or so where he would
push me and see what he could get away with and when I would be upset.
Now this may absolutely not be the case for your family members. Perhaps
theyre just forgetful and have known and referred to you as baby girl for so
many years that its lodged into their brains. Just for the sake of the advice
column, lets pretend theyre not and they know fully well what theyre doing.
All of the help books on chewing dogs say the same few things. When theyre
chewing something that is yours, like a shoe or a pair of underwear (it
happened), youre encouraged to swap out that item with their toy. Something that they can chew. In our situation, that would be like correcting them
instantly when the wrong pronoun is said just by speaking the correct one.
This, in both instances resets their mind to a this one, not that one.
The next step to add to that is positive encouragement. When my dog would
play with his own toys, I would act like it was literally the greatest thing in the
world. When, because of the swapping trick, your family starts to slip and
call you the appropriate pronouns, act like it means the absolute world to
you! Thank them later in private for their support and love. Make them feel
like your favorite person for doing so. Level with them by letting them know
you understand its been tough to switch over but you really appreciate that
theyre getting there.
Now, aside from chewing, my dog also liked to jump up on you. Which was
cute when he was 20lbs, not so much when he'd get to be 100lbs. Right at
the beginning I had read to not use negative reinforcement, but to ignore
him. When he would jump I would say Down! firmly, and push him with
my knee and then ignore him for 20 to 30 seconds. During that time, he use
to jump up again and I would repeat it until he was calmly on all fours.
Eventually, he would forget and jump up and I would repeat the command
cycle and slowly but surely he wouldnt jump up again and now he never
does.

@alltimeotter

In the case of your family, ignore them when they use the wrong
pronoun or call you feminine titles. Act like you didnt realize they
were addressing you because if they were, they wouldnt have used
those ones.
My last point on this is the harsh, last line kind of psychology but is
sometimes necessary. My dog, after weeks of giving him the right
toys instead would still slyly drag my shoes around the house and
see if I would react. When I witnessed this happen I would state
once clearly thats not your toy. If he continued, or began chewing
on the shoe I would say it firmer and stomp my foot to try to snap
his brain towards how important it was he stop chewing on that.
The third time, I would yell quite forcefully, but I only had to get
to that point once. The next time he had my shoe, I stated that that
was not his toy. He knew if he kept chewing on my shoes the
continuing commands were more intimidating so he chose to stop
at the first, softer command.
How does this translate to humans? The first couple of times, as you
stated in your question, you asked nicely. Youve been nice with
them and for whatever reason, theyve chosen to ignore your
requests. Perhaps at this point, they need to understand that this is
serious to you and you should be upset with them when they
continue to misgender you. Tell them youre upset, cause a scene if
you have to! The great thing about family is that they fight but they
love you. Your conviction in this matter is what is going to win you
those pronouns though.

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