Laloo & God

Saddam Hussain visits God and asks him, "God when shall
I see the defeat of Bill Clinton?" God replies: "Son, you
will not see it in your lifetime." Hearing this, Saddam Hussain
starts crying and goes away.
Gen Parvez Musharaff visits God and asks him, "God when shall
I see the capture of Kashmir by Pakistan?" God replies, "Son,
you will not see it in your lifetime." Hearing this Gen. Parvez
Musharaff starts crying and goes away.
Lallo Yadav visits God and asks him. "God when shall I see
Bihar becoming a prosperous and happy state?" Hearing this,
God starts crying. Lallo is astounded and asks, "God, why are
you crying?" God replies: "Son, I will not see it in my lifetime"
--------------------------------------------------------------------This is the transcript of the ACTUAL radio conversation of
a Pakistani naval ship with Indian authorities off the West
coast of India.
India: Please divert your course 15 degrees the South
to avoid a collision.
Pakistanis: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees
the North to avoid a collision.
Indians: Negative. You will have to divert your course
15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
Pakistanis: This is the Captain of a Pak Navy ship.
I say again, divert YOUR course. Indians: No. I say again,
you divert YOUR course.
Pakistanis: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER Abrahim Mulana ,
THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE PAKISTANIS INDIAN OCEAN FLEET.
WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND
NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE
15 DEGREES NORTH, I SAY AGAIN, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH,
OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Indians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Vajpayee and Musharraf meet up in Islamabad for talks on nuclear arms.
When Vajpayee sits down he notices Musharraf 's chair has three buttons
on the armrest. They begin talking but after 5 minutes Musharraf presses
a button and a boxing gloves pops out of Vajpayee chair and bashes him
on his face. Vajpayee, barely believing it, carries on talking but after
another few minutes Musharraf presses a second button and out comes a
large boot and kicks him in the butt.
Vajpayee is kicked off but still remains outwardly calm. They resume
the talk, but after 5 minutes Musharraf presses the final button, and
from under the table another boxing glove hits Vajpayee. The Indian PM
is really fed up by it now and stands up to leave. "'We'll continue this
talk next week in the New Delhi" says the Prime Minister. Musharraf,
choking from laughing, is too proud to say no, so the appointment stands.
A week later Vajpayee receives Musharraf in the Prime Minister's Office,
and as Musharraf sits down, he sees three buttons in the arm-rest of

Vajpayees chair. As the meeting goes on, Musharraf sees Vajpayee press
the first button, and ducks really fast, but nothing seems to happen.
This doesn't stop Vajpayee from laughing... really loudly. After this,
Indian PM continues where he left off, until he presses another button.
Musharraf reacts really quickly, and jumps up. Absolutely nothing happens,
and this time Vajpayee falls out of his chair laughing.
Musharraf doesn't get it - what the hell is happening here? But he
hasn't been harmed yet, so he sits down again to talk further.
After a few minutes Indian PM presses the final button. This time,
Musharraf stays sitting, but Vajpayee isn't, he's rolling on the floor,
doubled up from laughing.
Musharraf is really annoyed by now, so he stands up from his
chair and shouts: "I've had enough of this, I'm going back to Pakistan
" Vajpayee: (Through tears of laughter from the floor) "PAKISTAN?? ..... What PAKISTAN??? DO YOU THINK STILL IT IS THERE??"
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------Our three respected Indians, Vajpayeeji, Chandrababu Naidu and,
of course, Lalooji go to 'narak' after their death. They are very
sad as they are missing their people on earth. So, they request
the devils to allow them to make a call to their relatives at
their respective homes. The devils, out of respect for their
high positions, permit them to do so.
First, Vajpayeeji calls his relatives in Delhi. He talks for
15 minutes and then passes the phone to Naidu. The latter also
calls his state and talks to his wife for 20 minutes and gives
the chance to Laloo. Now, Lalooji calls Bihar and starts
talking to Rabri Devi. He talks for many hours. Soonafter,
the telephone bills arrive. Vajpayeeji pays Rs 150, Naidu
Rs 200 and Laloo Rs 50.
All of them are surprised how Laloo had talked to his wife
for over an hour. Lalooji's reply was simple. He had made a
local call to Bihar. How? "Arre bhai BIHAR to pahele hi narak hai" !
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------Answering Machine
A villager took an answering machine home and fixed it home
somewhere in Rajasthan,but two days later disconnected it
because he was getting complaints like "Saala phone utha ke
bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai" (Idiot! He's taking the phone
and saying he's not there.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------Pilot cracks a wise one
Once Sonia Gandhi, Jayalalitha and Mamta Banerjee were travelling in
an aeroplane. Sonia Gandhi took a hundred rupee note from her purse
and said, "I will throw this hundred rupee note from the window and make
a person happy". Jayalalitha also picked a hundred rupee note and said,
"I will tear this note into two pieces and make two people happy".

Now it was Mamta Banerjee's turn. She also took a hundred rupee note
and said, "I will tear this note into hundred pieces and make hundred
people happy". The pilot was hearing all this . He said to them, "I will
throw the three of you from the window and make one billion people happy".
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Laloo's Threat
A major traffic jam was preventing people from moving forward.
A motorist shouted out wanting to know what was happening.
A guy from the front replied, "Well at the traffic crossing
Laloo Yadav is sprawled across the road. He is refusing to move from there!"
"But why?" "He has lost the elections and will now surely be convicted
for corruption and will have to pay lakhs of Rupess as fines! He is
threatening to douse himself with kerosene and set himself on fire if
people didn't contribute with money to help him pay the fine!" "So how
much has been collected so far?" "Six litres!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Mail
God & his Disciple
Almighty God was creating the universe and was giving instruction
to his disciples that every creation has to be balanced, and started
giving examples one by one,
1. look at the continent of Africa, it has so many varities of species,
has gold and diamond mines, but still it is called the dark continent.
2. look at America I had blessed them with wealth and prosperity and I
also gave them all sorts of worries and tensions.
3. look at South America I had blessed them with rich forest cover, and
I had not given the people space to settle down. After these examples
one of the disciple asked which is this small place which is covered by
water on three sides, at this question god said this one of my best
creation is India, it has very good people, has rich cultural values,
people are happy here,
At this remark the disciple asked, god, here you made a mistake,
you had blessed india with only good things At this God objected
to to the disciple,
"How can you say that, don't you see that I had given India a
neighbour as Pakistan also."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------WHO`S THE BOSS?
Bill walks into a bar and finds his friend Joe sitting on a stool.
"Joe," Bill said, "I`m glad to see that your wife finally let you out of the hou
se."
"Things have been different with my wife," Joe said. "In fact, just the other da

y,
I decided to show her who was the boss."
"How did you do that?" asked Bill.
"I simply said to her, `Mabel, we are going to have it out right now, and I am g
oing to
show you who the boss is in this relationship`."
"What happened?"
"Well, I don`t want to brag, but I managed to get her on her hands and knees."
"How did you do that?"
"I was hiding under the bed at the time."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------SIGNS THAT YOUR LIFESTYLE IS UNHEALTHY
You go to give blood and two gallons of pure lard come out.
You get winded from exercising your right to vote.
When you go to McDonald`s, they give you your usual table.
The roaches in your apartment go on rent strike until you fix the rat problem.
The VD clinic has you on a Buy One Get One Free program.
When you want to go where everybody knows your name, you donate at the sperm ban
k.
When your teeth are so yellow, you can`t tell where they end and the mashed corn
begins.
Your blood type is "Smirnoff."
Your speed dial includes The Mayo Clinic, the Betty Ford Center, and the Psychic
Friends Network.
911 has you on their speed dial.