Kids say the darnest things !!

Jonah and the Whale

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was p
hysically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a
very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah
was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could n
ot swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, When I ge
t to heaven I will ask Jonah . The teacher asked, What if Jonah went to hell? The li
ttle girl replied, Then you ask him .
The Ten Commandments
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and si
x year olds. After explaining the commandment to honor thy Father and thy mother,
she asked, is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and s
isters? Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, T
hou shall not kill.
Kiss and Tell
An honest seven-year-old admitted calmly to her parents that Billy Brown had kis
sed her after class. How did that happen? gasped her mother. It wasn t easy, admitted
the young lady, but three girls helped me catch him.
A Cat Tale
A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home
, he breathlessly informed his mother that there were two boy kittens and two gi
rl kittens. How did you know? his mother asked. Daddy picked them up and looked und
erneath, he replied. I think it s printed on the bottom.
Freckles and Wrinkles
An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright f
reckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get
their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws. Y
ou ve got so many freckles, there s no place to paint! a girl in the line said to the
little fella. Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head. His grandmother kne
lt down next to him. I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always want
ed freckles, she said, while tracing her finger across the child s cheek. Freckles
are beautiful! The boy looked up, Really?
Of course, said the grandmother. Why, just n
ame me one thing that s prettier than freckles. The little boy thought for a moment
, peered intensely into his grandma s face, and softly whispered, Wrinkles.
A Sea Tale
Our five-year-old son Mark couldn t wait to tell his father about the movie we had
watched on television, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. The scenes with the submarin
e and the giant octopus had kept him wide-eyed. In the middle of the telling, my
husband interrupted Mark, What caused the submarine to sink? With a look of incre
dulity Mark replied, Dad, it was the 20,000 leaks!
PSSST!
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he d found a cat, but it was dead. How do you
know that the cat was dead? she asked her pupil. Because I pissed in its ear and
it didn t move, answered the child innocently. You did WHAT ? ! ? the teacher exclai
med in surprise. You know, explained the boy, I leaned over and went Pssst! and it di

dn t move.
Truth at the Sermon
It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children s sermon. Al
l the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a parti
cularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over and said, That
is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress? The little girl replied, directl
y into the pastor s clip-on microphone, Yes, and my Mom says it s a bitch to iron.
Smooth Boys
A little girl asked her mother, Can I go outside and play with the boys? Her mothe
r replied, No, you can t play with the boys, they re too rough. The little girl though
t about it for a few moments and asked, If I can find a smooth one, can I play wi
th him?