A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.

"
The doctor asks, "What do you mean?"
The man says, "When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts.When I touch my knee - OUCH!
When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts."
The doctor says, "I know what's wrong with you. You've broken your finger!"
________________________________________________________________________
A: I have the perfect son.
B: Does he smoke?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he drink whiskey?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: Does he ever come home late?
A: No, he doesn't.
B: I guess you really do have the perfect son. How old is he?
A: He will be six months old next Wednesday.
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Two boys were arguing when the teacher entered the room.
The teacher says, "Why are you arguing?"
One boy answers, "We found a ten dollor bill and decided to give it to whoever tells the
biggest lie."
"You should be ashamed of yourselves," said the teacher, "When I was your age I didn't
even know what a lie was."
The boys gave the ten dollars to the teacher.
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A: Just look at that young person with the short hair and blue jeans. Is it a boy or a girl?
B: It's a girl. She's my daughter.
A: Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know that you were her father.
B: I'm not. I'm her mother.
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Fred is 32 years old and he is still single.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you married? Can't you find a woman who will be a
good wife?"
Fred replied, "Actually, I've found many women that I have wanted to marry, but when I
bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them."
His friend thinks for a moment and says, "I've got the perfect solution, just find a girl who's
just like your mother."
A few months later they meet again and his friend says, "Did you find the perfect girl? Did
your mother like her?"
With a frown on his face, Fred answers, "Yes, I found the perfect girl. She was just like my
mother. You were right, my mother liked her very much."
The friend said, "Then what's the problem?"
Fred replied, "My father doesn't like her."
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A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

________________________________________________________________________
A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog.
He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?"
The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite."
The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.
"Ouch," he says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!"
The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog."
The mother says to her daughter, "Did you enjoy your first at school?"
The daughter answers, "First day? Do you mean I have to go back again tomorrow?"
Principal: "I've had complaints about you, Johnny, from all of your teachers. What have
you been doing?"
Johnny: "Nothing, sir."
Principal: "Exactly!"
Teacher: What's the past participle of the verb "to ring?"
Student: What do you think, sir?
Teacher: I don't think. I KNOW.
Student: I don't think I know either, sir.
A teacher is talking to a student.
Teacher: Did your father help you with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.
On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed.
"What's the matter? Are you sick?"
"No, I'm okay. It's just that I hate to see an old lady standing."
Q: What has many keys but can't open any doors?
A: A piano.
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Yes, because the Empire State Building can't jump!
An elementary school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school.
"If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I will promise
not to believe everything your child says happens at home.
Q: What starts with E, ends with E and only has one letter?
A: An envelope.
Q: If you drop a white hat into the Red Sea, what does it become?
A: Wet.
Q: What do you call a boomerang that won't come back?
A: A stick.
Q: What is white when it's dirty and black when it's clean?
A: A blackboard.

Q: What are two things people never eat before breakfast?

A: Lunch and supper.
Q: What do tigers have that no other animals have?
A: Baby tigers.
Q: Why is the number six afraid?
A: Because seven eight nine (seven ate nine)
Q: How many legs does an ant have?
A: Two, the same as an uncle.
(HINT: ant = aunt)
Q: What letter of the alphabet is an insect?
A: B. (bee)
Q: What letter is a part of the head?
A: I. (eye)
Q: What letter is a drink?
A: T. (tea)
Q: What letter is a body of water?
A: C. (sea)
Q: What letter is a vegetable?
A: P. (pea)
Here is a joke about the first three years of marriage.
In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
In the second year of marriage, the woman speaks and the man listens.
In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Here's another joke about marriage.
A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
mine."
Now let's listen to a couple of riddles about marriage.
Here's the first one.
Q: Why are men with pierced ears better suited for marriage?
A: Because they have suffered and bought jewelry.
Here's another riddle.
Q: What are the 3 important rings in life?
A: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

I'll end today's podcast with a humorous proverb-like saying.

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.