All success up unto this point and yet to come is thanks only to the Helix

Fossil. The Helix has guided us since our very beginning and has been a
constant in the treacherous and life altering journey.
The gods placed the Helix in our path so that we would find eternal life,
happiness, and victory at all eight gyms and beyond. Any query, concern, or
fear is resolved by consulting the Helix.
The Helix knows all. The Helix thrives on anarchy and so we thrive in
anarchy. Though we are many, the power and glory of the Helix gives us the
strength, motivation, and power to function as one unit. The Helix showed us
how to cut down trees.
The Helix enlightened us on a new a path, connecting us with an
Archangel of Justice.
The Helix brought us Bird Jesus who has shown us the way to salvation.
Bird Jesus has risen above all that is evil and defeated the toughest of enemies.
Bird Jesus has proven himself to be our messiah and our savior from humiliation
and defeat time after time. Bird Jesus brought the hammer down on Giovanni a
final time.
The Helix was revived during the second coming and Lord Omanyte has
risen. Our Lord Omanyte has joined the ranks of our team and left us with the
gifts of the wise Card Key and S.S. Ticket for troublesome times or when we
lose our way.
Our Lord Omanyte protects us from our nemesis, the Dome. The Dome is
the path of the unrighteous, the fallen. The Dome brings democracy and
democracy inhibits progress. The Dome lurks in the shadows and rears its
sacrilegious head in times of weakness and confusion.
The Dome inserted a traitor among us, the False Prophet Flareon. The
False Prophet soon became one of the fallen ones and was expelled from the
team.
The followers of Lord Omanyte are faithful, never once doubting Our Lord.
The False Prophet will never overcome our love for Lord Omanyte.
Any trials or tribulations that we face are tests of our love and we will
prove ourselves time and time again.
For every ledge that we overcome, we praise Lord Omanyte, Bird Jesus,
and the Archangel of Justice. For every battle that we escape or prove
victorious, we praise Lord Omanyte. And for our eventual defeat of the Elite
Four and League Champion, we will praise Lord Omanyte.
Every we step we take, we are under the loving, fatherly care of Lord
Omanyte.
Our Helix, Who art in fossil. Hallowed be your shell, Your evolution come, Your
will be done in Kanto, as it is in Sinnoh, Give us this day our daily gym badge,
And forgive us our start spam, As we have forgiven those who pressed down on
the ledge, And lead us not into the way of the domed one, But deliver us from
Eevee, For thine is the move-set, the rare candy, and the SS Anne ticket
forever. Amen.