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What is Haya?

Haya itself is derived from the word hayat which means life. This term covers a wide number of concepts. In English,
it may be translated as modesty, shyness, self-respect, bashfulness, shame, honour, humility, etc. The original
meaning of Haya according to a believer's nature, refers to a bad and uneasy feeling accompanied by
embarrassment, caused by one's fear of being exposed or censured for some unworthy or indecent conduct.
Islamically Haya is an attribute which pushes the believer to avoid anything distasteful or abominable. It keeps
him/her from being neglectful in giving everyone what is due upon them, and if for any reason he/she is not able to
keep up with his/her commitment then they will feel extremely uncomfortable and ashamed about this. The reason
being that he/she will have displeased Allah by breaking a commitment.
Haya plays a huge role in the lives of Muslims because it is a very important part of our Iman (faith/belief). If we do
not have any form of haya within us then it is most likely that our Iman is very weak. For as it states in the following
hadith:
Narrated by Abu Huraira (ra): The Prophet said, "Faith (Belief) consists of more than sixty branches (i.e. parts). And
Haya is a part of faith." (Bukhari)
We also learn from the Prophet (saws) the importance of having haya and how it is not something to be ashamed of,
but instead, one should be concerned and ashamed if they do not possess it within their character.
Narrated Abdullah ibn Umar (ra): The Prophet (saws) passed by a man who was admonishing his brother regarding
Haya and was saying, "You are very shy, and I am afraid that might harm you." On that, Allah's Apostle said, "Leave
him, for Haya is (a part) of Faith." (Bukhari)
Now the above hadith is also a form of proof that "shyness" is not just something regarding women but also an
attribute that believing men should have, for it is an indication if their fear of Allah and an indication of the value of
their Deen.
When we think back to when we were young around eight or nine years old - we all remember this feeling of
shyness and humility naturally occurring - for many it was when we felt we wanted to conceal our bodies from our
mums or siblings. We were often told - "don't be silly" or "we have seen it all before" and the many other comments
that people in the west or ignorant Muslim parents affected by the western values (or lack of them) say to their pure
children. If these natural instincts of shyness and shame are taken by the smart parent and nurtured, it will develop
and affect their entire character and also most importantly lead to a conscious responsible Muslim who prioritise
their life towards submission to Allah (swt).
We often find that shyness, humility and bashfulness is frowned upon by our society as a weakness or a lack of
confidence when, Infact these are quality of a dignified upright human being, who is conscious of their actions and
their responsibilities in life.
Now to discuss the different types of haya. How many types of haya are there?
Haya' is of two kinds: good and bad:
The good Hay' is to be ashamed to commit a sin or a thing which Allah and His Messenger (saws) has forbidden, and
bad Hay' is to feel ashamed to do a thing, which Allah and His Messenger (saws) ordered to do.
Firstly, to talk about the types of Good haya. For example, anyone who is a believer, he/she should build their
personalities and their character with the good dimensions of haya. The most important is that he/she must be shy
of doing ANYTHING displeasing to Allah (swt), with the belief that he/she will have to answer for all their deeds. If
one develops a sense such as this one, it will help the believer to obey all of Allah's command and to stay away from
sins. Once the believer realises that Allah (swt) is watching us all the time and we will have to answer to every move
we make in this dunya (world), he/she would not neglect any order from Allah or His Messenger (saws). So the
stronger this sense of haya becomes, the more it motivates one to make sure that Allah (swt) doesn't see him/her
doing anything prohibited. The way to develop this haya is that one must keep learning and absorbing more
knowledge and applying it to their lives.

Another type of haya is more of a social aspect concerning others besides Allah (swt). Normally these things often
come in regard with ones relationship with family. For instance, a child not wanting to do something displeasing to
his mother, or a wife not wanting to do something displeasing to her husband or even a student who is careful about
saying something incorrect in front of his teacher.. Last but not least is the type of haya in which the believers
become shy of themselves. This is when they have reached the peek of their Iman. What this means is that if they
do, or say, or see, anything wrong or even commit the tiniest sin, they start to feel extremely bad and embarrassed
or they feel extreme guilt in their heart. This builds a high degree of self-consciousness and that is what strengthens
the believers commitment to Allah (swt)
. After discussing the various types of "beneficial" haya, it is time to discuss the type of haya which is not only against
the teachings of our Prophet (saw) but it is also solid proof of the weakness of someone's Iman. This negative aspect
revolves around a person's shamefulness or shyness of doing something that Allah (swt) has ordered us to do
through the Qur'an or our Prophet's (saw) Sunnah. This constitutes the shamefulness or embarrassment of doing a
lawful act or something that is ordered upon us from Allah (swt). Meaning for someone not to follow an obligation of
Islam, due the fact of being shy in front of others about it. This is totally forbidden because then one is giving the
people of this dunya more respect than the One who Created this whole universe. It also means if someone is shy or
afraid to seek knowledge of Islam for worldly reasons, because they do not want others to see them or to know of
their ignorance. This once again goes contrary to what Allah (swt) has told us in the Qur'an, which is to seek
knowledge and preach it to others. In this society there are many examples. People will go out an get degrees in law
schools, or science, or engineering and they will put four to six years of their lives studying for this stuff that will only
benefit them in this world. Why? You ask? Well most likely, in this society people including Muslims, choose their
careers according to how much money they will make and what status they will have in this society as to being a
lawyer or a doctor etc. They do not realize that in Islam the BEST stature of a Muslim is that of a "dai'i" or a teacher
of Islam.
These Islamic teachers and scholars are even higher in the eyes of Allah (swt) then one who only sits at home and
does ibaadah (worship). If they want to study law, why not Islamic Shariah? If they want to study science, why not
Islamic Science? So this explains how people consider the worldly careers to be of higher value and are embarrassed
to even express an interest in Islamic Studies. It is usually because they will not be considered as high as the other
"educated" people. This is having the bad haya or "shame" of something that is encouraged to us by Allah (swt) and
His Messenger (saw)
. Another proof of bad haya is that which is extremely popular amongst many sisters in this western society.
One of the most important aspects of haya, for women, is that of guarding their chastity and their modesty. To do
this they must follow the order from Allah (swt) telling them to keep hidden themselves and their adornments from
all men lawful to them in marriage. Now this order involves all the aspects of haya for those who do follow it. The
believing and following women are ashamed of disobeying Allah (swt). They are shy of the opposite gender in this
society because of what they might experience if strange men look at them and lastly they have haya because they
are ashamed of going out in public and committing this grave sin of displaying their beauty is public. There are many
women in this society who claim that they have haya but to follow the order of hijab is backwards and that women
in this society shouldn't have to cover, is obviously disbelief. For if someone really had haya they would never
contradict ANYTHING that Allah (swt) has ordained upon us even if they found it a test and a trial. A women's haya
comes from her modesty and her shyness and her fear of Allah, so how can she have haya if she walks around in
public un-veiled? Proof lies in the following hadith.
Abdullah ibn Umar (ra) narrated that the Prophet (saw) said: "Indeed haya (modesty) and Iman are Companions.
When one of them is lifted, the other leaves as well." (Baihaqi)
There are many verses in the Qur'an and many ahadith explaining the reasons behind observing Hijab. The Islamic
Shariah has not stopped at giving the Commandments of Hijab, it has also clarified every such thing which directly
relates to these commandments and, with the slightest carelessness, may result in vulgarity and immodesty. In other
words such things have also been forbidden in order to close the doors to indecency and lewdness, in return
providing a stronger pillar for haya.
Modesty (haya) and maintaining one's honour and dignity are of primary importance in preserving the moral fibre of
any society. This is why modesty has been called the ornament of a woman, which protects her from many sins and

which prevents ill-intentioned men from daring to have bad thoughts about her. This haya has been made a part of
her nature to safeguard her from being abused by immoral men.
Narrated on the authority of Anas bin Malik, the Prophet (saw) said: When lewdness is a part of anything, it becomes
defective; and when haya is a part of anything it becomes beautiful. (Tirmidhi)
So it is only obvious that Hijab plays an extremely important role in regards to Haya. For Hijab prevents lewdness and
Haya backs this up and then person's Iman becomes even stronger. So both things work together in a partnership. At
the time of our beloved Prophet (saw) as soon as the verses of Hijab were revealed, all the Quraish and Ansar ran
home to their wives and daughters and close female relatives to tell them to cover themselves. The ones who had
veils used them and the ones who did not have veils made some right away. For instance the following hadith tells
us:
Narrated by Aisha (ra): May Allah have mercy on the early immigrant women. When the verse "That they should
draw their veils over their bosoms" was revealed, they tore their thick outer garments and made veils from them.
And when the verse "That they should cast their outer garments over themselves" was revealed, the women of
Ansar came out as if they had crows over their heads by wearing outer garments. (Abu Dawood)
This indicates that all these women wanted to guard their modesty which is why they followed out the orders of
Allah. Yet, another verse talk about the level of modesty in Aisha (ra):
Narrated Aisha (ra): "I used to enter my house where Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) was and take off my
garment, saying that only my husband and my father were there; but when Umar was buried along with them, I
swear by Allah that I did not enter it without having my clothes wrapped round me owing to modesty regarding
Umar." (at-Tirmidhi and Ahmed)
If women in today's society choose not to wear the veils, but some belief in their hearts, than they might be
categorised as Muslim women but not Mumineen. The truth is that Haya is a special characteristic of a Mu'min (
believing, practicing Muslims). People who are ignorant of the teachings of the Prophet (saws) do not concern
themselves with Haya and Honour. Haya and Iman are interdependent; therefore either they both exist together or
they both perish. Thus, the Prophet (saws) has said in one hadith, "When there is no haya left, then do as you
please."
Today vulgarity and all its ingredients have become a common place even among well-known Muslims in the zeal of
imitating the disbelievers. It is these people who have been struggling to bring Muslim women out of Hijab into
immodesty and indecency. They have adopted the lifestyles of the disbelievers more than the traditions of the
Prophet (saws). Such people are in a dilemma. On the one hand, they desire to freely look at the half-clad bodies of
their wives and daughters of other Muslims on the streets; and on the other hand, they do not have the courage to
deny the teachings of the Holy Qur'an and the Prophet (saws). Neither can they say they have given up Islam, nor
can they bear to see Muslim women wear Hijab and showing some Haya. Actually the fact is, indulging in indecency
for so long has killed the sense of modesty (haya) which Islam had commanded them to preserve. It is this natural
desire of maintaining one's honour which compels men to protect the respect and honour of their women. What
these men and women do not understand is that if the women do not observe Hijab and do not develop Haya inside
of them, they will be entertaining those who have taken the path of Sheytan. Such as the following hadith:
Malik b Uhaimir reported that he heard the Prophet (saw) saying that, "Allah (swt) will not accept any good deeds or
worship of an immodest and vulgar person." We asked "Who is a vulgar and immodest person?" He replied, "A man
who's wife entertains Ghair-mehram men."
Now the word "entertains" implies that she is showing off her beauty instead of keeping herself covered up. If the
Muslim brothers of today's society knew the benefits of haya and hijab hey would definitely not tolerate the
opposite. At the time of our beloved Prophet (saws) the husbands could not even imagine their wives leaving the
houses un-veiled let alone go out and beautify themselves for other men to get "free looks". The following hadith
shows this fact clearly:
Narrated by Al-Mughira: Sa'd bin 'Ubada said, "I will not hesitate killing my wife with a sword if I see her with
another man" This news reached Allah's Apostle who then said, "You people are astonished at Sa'd's Ghira (selfrespect, honour). By Allah, I have more Ghira than he, and Allah has more Ghira than I, and because of Allah's Ghira,

He has made unlawful shameful deeds and sins done in open and in secret. And there is none who likes that the
people should repent to Him and beg His pardon than Allah, and for this reason He sent the warners and the givers
of good news. And there is none who likes to be praised more than Allah does, and for this reason, Allah promised to
grant Paradise (to the doers of good)." 'Abdul Malik said, "No person has more Ghira than Allah." (Sahih Bukhari)
So this should be enough to understand why Hijab is so important for women to establish Haya in themselves and
live the lives of true mu'mineen. Sometimes the situation becomes a such that people will have done wrong/sins for
such a long period of time that they will not be able to differentiate between right and wrong. Another way to put
this is that, a person's exceeding indulgence in indecency results in the loss of wisdom and the ability to see good
deeds from bad deeds. As the Prophet (saw) said:
"I have a sense of Honour ( a part of haya). Only a person with a darkened heart is deprived of Honour."
So one wonders..what if this observing of Hijab and maintaining Haya is so important then why is it we have
nothing to show us the merits? Well the answer to that question clearly lies in the Qur'an and ahadith. There are
many merits of Haya if one wants to know. Here are some just to list a few.
Firstly Allah loves Haya. We know this by the following hadith: " Surely Allah (is One who) has haya and is the
Protector. He loves haya and people who cover each others faults."(Bukhari)
Secondly, Haya itself is a Greatness of Islam as our Prophet indicated: "Every way of life has a innate character. The
character of Islam is haya." Or "Every Deen has an innate character. The character of Islam is modesty (haya)." (Abu
Dawood)
Thirdly, Haya only brings good and nothing else. Our Prophet (saw) said: "Haya does not bring anything except
good." (Bukhari)
Fourthly, Haya is a very clear indication of our Iman. As the Prophet (saw) had mentioned to the Ansar who was
condemning is brother about being shy: "Leave him, for Haya is (a part) of Faith." (Bukhari)
Fifthly, last but not least, Haya leads us to PARADISE. As the Prophet saws) told us: "Haya comes from Iman; Iman
leads to Paradise. Obscenity comes from antipathy; and antipathy leads to the fire." (Bukhari)
The actual word Haya is derived from Hayat. This means life. It is only obvious that when someone has Haya in them,
they will LIVE a life of Islam. On the other hand if they do not have Haya they are living a life that is dead "Islamically"
but alive according to this dunya.
The Prophet (saws) said: "Haya and Trustworthiness will be the first to go from this world; therefore keep asking
Allah for them." (Baihaqi)
In conclusion we must understand that Haya is important for both men and women. Men are to control themselves
by getting married as young as possible or if they cannot afford that, they should fast. Women are told to conceal
themselves so that the men will not be over taken by the whispers of Sheytan and will not disrespect or take
advantage of the women. There are many verses in the Qur'an that have clearly explained how we have to behave
and Allah is All-Knowing therefore He knew that we would face these problems living in this society, and that is no
excuse to change Islam and only practice what we feel is right. Allah (swt) has told men how to guide their modesty
and has told women how to guide their modesty. If either one of them refuse to follow the commandment of their
Lord, may Allah have mercy on them and may He guide them to the straight path.
"Say to the believing men that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty: that will make for greater
purity for them: and Allah is well acquainted with all that they do. And say to the believing women that they should
lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what
(must ordinarily) appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their
beauty." (Qur'an Nur, 30-31)
ALL PRAISE BE TO ALLAH, AND MAY HIS PEACE AND BLESSINGS BE UPON MUHAMMAD (SAW), HIS FAMILY, HIS
COMPANIONS AND HIS TRUE FOLLOWERS UNTIL THE DAY OF JUDGEMENT.

Shyness as an Asset
"Mrs. Kennedy approached me and smiled warmly as she offered her hand.
'It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Hill,' she said in a soft, breathy voice.
"'It's very nice to meet you, too, Mrs. Kennedy,' I said with a smile, as I shook her hand and looked directly into her eyes. She returned
my gaze for an instant, then blinked and looked away, giving me the impression that, while she wanted to appear confident, on the
inside she was rather shy."/ (Hill, 8-9)
I recently had a dear reader ask me if I could comment a bit on shyness and how to go about being feminine and ladylike when one is
shy or timid. She wanted to know if being shy hindered her ability to be elegant and feminine.
I am happy to write about this today, because I want all of my shy readers to know that their shyness can be turned into an /asset/
when it comes to trying to become a lady or feminine.
Even Jackie Kennedy herself, who is often hailed as the Queen of Elegant Women (or, at the very least the Queen of Elegant American
Women), was supposedly shy even though she made great effort to hide this fact.
The fact of the matter is that your shyness can easily be turned into your most precious asset if you are trying to become feminine and
elegant.
I myself am shy in my own way. I consider myself to be someone who is confident, self-assured, has faith in her own abilities, and is
also very social, extroverted, and outgoing.
I truly do enjoy people interaction and I love entertaining, meeting new faces, and hearing other people's stories. I wouldn't consider
myself socially shy in the very least.
However, I am shy with the man I care about romantically because he gives me that good nervous feeling where my palms start
sweating and I can't make eye-contact (even after four years)! :-))
Such a feeling and trait of shyness can be used as one's asset and I'm going to show you a little about how to do such a thing.
I am hoping that this is practical and relevant advice that can encourage my shy readers to stop seeing their shyness as an obstacle to
overcome and instead learn how to leverage it as they come into their most feminine and ladylike beings.
A way in which being shy helps you with elegance is that elegant women show some restraint. They don't divulge all of the information
relating to their private lives because they prefer to maintain some mystery. Women who are shy are naturally more mysterious, which
is /definitely/ an asset!
Shy women also think it much easier to master "childlike femininity", one of the lethal kinds of femininity because it encompasses
much that lovers of feminine women adore.
"Childlike" is not the same as being "childish", though. No normal masculine man wants a woman who acts like a child -- he wants a
mature and fine woman!
What I'm speaking of when I write about "childlike femininity" is having qualities of vulnerability, trust, and playfulness, the qualities
we all had when we were children but lost as we grew up and had to face certain burdens. For those of us who are very confident and
assertive, learning (or perhaps /re/learning) vulnerability, trust, and playfulness is often the hardest part of becoming a feminine
woman.
So if you are shy, it's fine. Do not try to hide this quality. Own your childlike femininity and own your coy flirtatiousness. Accept being
shy. If you feel the need to blush, let your cheeks become rosy. If you feel the need to look away because you can't possibly continue
holding eye-contact, look down into your lap or at the ground. Accept being shy and let it show as an asset of yours, so long as you do
not let your shyness allow your demeanor to become cold, dry, and rigid. When you break eye-contact or blush, smile gently. Laugh or
giggle when something's funny.
Using your shyness as an asset, you should never make the person think that you wish them to leave. Although you should not hide
your shyness and should blush freely and break eye-contact freely, you should also laugh, smile, and ask questions so as to let the
person know that you are enjoying their company and are breaking eye-contact because you are shy, and not because you wish them
to leave.

Femininity A Womans Most Attractive Quality


12/13/2012 by practicalh 2 Comments
If you were to ask a typical man what he finds most attractive in women and what is looking for the most in
a woman as a potential dating and relationship partner, he would probably tell you that he wants someone
sweet, easy going, attractive, honest, caring, etc. If all that and more could be summarized in one word, it
would be femininity. The vast majority of men are naturally attracted and driven sexually and otherwise to
women who are feminine. If only defining what femininity is was that easy. The formal definition of
femininity is a good start, but it doesnt really get you far in understanding what makes one woman appear
more feminine than the other. I believe that the femininity consists of three components: 1. Physical; 2.
Behavioral; 3. Mental.
1. Physical Aspects of Femininity

The physical aspects of femininity include a womans body and body type, hair and hair style, and her dress
style. A woman who has a more attractive body physically (wider hips, narrower waist, softer and
smoother skin, thicker lips and eye brows, moderate height etc..) will likely come across as more
feminine. Feminine style of clothing, such as wearing skirts and dresses will also contribute to a womans
physical femininity more than a unisex attire. Being a tom boy on the inside and not minding breaking is
great, but if you dress like a tomboy, you will take away a lot from your feminine energy. The other
physical aspects of femininity which is almost as important as a womans body is her voice. A softer, more
sensual voice will make a woman more feminine, while a lower, harsher voice will make her less feminine.
If you just walk around and listen to different womens voices, you will notice that there is a vast difference
in the softness of voice between different women. A few men (including myself) would tell you that a voice
alone, thats really unattractive, can be a deal-breaker.
2. Behavioral Aspects of Femininity

The behavioral aspects of femininity involve a womans mannerisms, such as body language, demeanor,
eye contact, and how she uses the language. The more aggressive a woman is with her body language and
voice, the less feminine she will generally appear. Being a classy woman will automatically make her more
feminine. Using manly words, such as dude, whats up, and excessive cussing also take away from a
womans femininity. And of course, any nurturing behavior will make a woman appear more feminine. It
goes without saying that any traditionally male bad habits, such as smoking, excessive drinking, spitting,
etc., make a woman more masculine and therefore less feminine.
3. Mental Aspects of Femininity

The mental aspects of femininity include a womans goals and values. A woman whose goals resemble
those of a single guy who never plans to settle, such as focusing completely on her career and her next
promotion while sacrificing other parts of her life is not going to come across as feminine. A woman who
partially or fully dismisses traditional female values, such as being a mother, a wife, and engaging in such
activities as cooking, cleaning, etc will appear as far less feminine than a woman who is striving for a
balanced life, who knows that she will be much happier if she becomes a mother and wife, and who
naturally enjoys pleasing her lover. A woman who is less argumentative and competitive and more
accommodating will come across as more feminine. Some readers might assume that I encourage woman
to be some kind of subservient slaves, but nothing is further from truth. I merely want to point out that
certain qualities make women come across as more feminine.

4. Feminism and Femininity

It would appear that at least an extreme feminism and its goals and values are incompatible with
femininity. In fact, if you were to ask some of the more feminine women you know what they think of
feminism, chances are that they will smirk and say that they are not the biggest feminists out there and
they do not really support or care for the movement.
5. What Femininity Isnt

Sometimes, when I use the term femininity I get this defensive reaction from women, accusing me of
being a chauvinist, of wanting women to be subservient housewives, who stay at home cooking and
cleaning all day. I never said that and I never meant that. Being feminine doesnt mean being subservient
or not having a job/education. Being feminine also doesnt mean not having your own goals and opinions.
Feminine energy is perfectly compatible with pursuing your own personal, academic and professional
goals.
6. Can You Become More Feminine?

I doubt that a fundamentally masculine woman with butch like appearance and demeanor can turn into
some kind of gentle flower of a woman full of feminine energy. However, many women who are not
extremely masculine could take simple but very effective steps toward becoming more feminine. And its
surely worth the effort to try to become or at least behave in a more feminine way, if meeting and dating
more and better men is what you want. One good example of becoming more feminine is Jennifer Lopez.
Growing up in the rougher parts of New York naturally gave her a certain edge of roughness, and it was
obvious based on the way she spoke. However, she worked hard to increase her feminine energy, as part
of her pr campaign in the entertainment world. Her body language and accent didnt exactly make her
sound like the Duchess of York before, but she took steps to act and talk more like a lady. And Lopez she is
just one example that can serve as an inspiration to any other women who feels like she could use a boost
in the femininity department.
7. Your First Step Toward Becoming More Feminine

The first to becoming more feminine is as simple and obvious as it is absolutely essential. You must truly
believe that being more feminine is a good thing and that it makes you attractive. As long as you think, like
so many other women out there, that being and acting like one of the girls in Jersey Shore makes you
cool, you are not going to have the belief and the motivation necessary to become more feminine.

Why are today's women so shameless, licentious and indecorous? Is it


a presage of the end and Great Judgement?
Is it a Devil's work?
Or is it too much fire on their orifices?

Why women have become so shameless by wearing the clothes


exposing their body in markets and parties?
It is normally observed the women wear the dress that expose their body alot. And this thing is practiced in most of the countries. Though
women know that they are vulnerable by wearing these types of cloths and can be teased by boys. Such filthy dresses encourage the guys to
advance more to tease women and eventually end at rape cases. Then still why women wear such clothes. Dont they want to protect their
dignity?.While a woman wearing clothes covering complete body make her modest and respectful.