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Hi, I'm trying to improve my grade, where i have to write persuasively about any

topic. i have chosen travel because its something that i love!!


Hope this is OK. i appreciate any advice . the first time around, i got 18/24 which is
a B but i want to do better than that... :D

Why travel around the world?

The world around you is amazing! It's beautiful and we have the opportunity to do
whatever we desire. The big blue sky with the sun's rays shining through
fluffy clouds. Mountains which reach the sky like a stairway to heaven.
Travelling and exploring new places is an incredible experience if you have
the chance. With everything being so expensive, it's difficult for some people to go
on adventures around the globe. Wouldn't you love to see the Great Wall of China;
the northern lights; or the Grand Canyon? I know I would!

Why do people travel? Is it just for a business meeting or to see the family? There
are hundreds of reasons. My reason is, for being a tourist, exploring and
enjoying learning about other countries and their cultures and traditions.
As someone once said, 'the world is your oyster''. We should embrace it,
and take advantage of what we have been given. Whether you believe it or
not. God made this incredible place for us. Seeing all the power He has and its
beauty gives a feeling of awe. Stunning sights take my breath away! Is it not
interesting finding out how other people live their everyday lives which they take for
granted? It is as if they are blinded by the beauty around them.

(Then there's a paragraph about my experiences of travelling)

I have wonderful memories and stories of all these places. I dream of more places
like those! They were all times of being with my family. However annoying and
irritating they may be, its fun! When I am lying on my death bed, these are the
things I hope to think off. You cannot say that you do not want to feel the way I do,
about visiting these remarkable places. There are thousands more too. Near
where you live and far far away in unknown lands... Some of the most astonishing
places are the unexpected and hidden places.

Be brave and let loose your desires! Taste new foods even if you think you wont
like them. You may be surprised... Take photos. Explore and take more photos.
The memories are treasures! The best thing to do is to go to a city for one day.
You'll feel a rush to go everywhere, but relax. Its supposed to be fun. You'll never

forget those extravagant and eccentric landmarks, food or even the people.
Save up your money now. Go with your family all around the world! Or you
could go back-packing with friends for a few months for a once in a
lifetime opportunity!

As somebody once said, 'the world is your oyster'. Accept all you have been
given. Make the most of it and experience it to the max. This is our world; we have
the right to see it all. Whether we're nine or ninety years old. Take the time
to enjoy yourself and be mesmerised by your findings. I will do everything in
my power to see as much as I can. I therefore insist and beg you to do so too.
Remember what somebody once said...
Jennyflower81 85 Jan 30, 2012, 07:19pm #
You have written a very nice paper. I think you could get a better grade by
improving your grammar so I will suggest a few changes:

The world around you is amazing! It's beautiful and we have the opportunity to do
whatever we desire.
The first sentence says "you" then the 2nd says "we"-- I would suggest changing it
to say "The world around us is amazing!"

The big blue sky is beautiful, with the sun's rays shining through fluffy clouds.
Mountains are so tall which that they reach the sky like a stairway to heaven.
Very descriptive!

With everything being so expensive, it's difficult for some people to go on


adventures around the globe.
I think this is not persuasive to travel, maybe omit this sentence.

My reason is, for being a tourist, exploring and enjoying learning about other
countries and their cultures and traditions.
Try this:
Tourism is my reason to travel, explore, and enjoy learning about other countries,
cultures, and traditions.

Whether you believe it or not, God made this incredible place for us.

Is it not interesting finding out how other people live their everyday lives which they
take for granted? It is as if they are blinded by the beauty around them.
This sounds odd, Re-word this sentence.

However annoying and irritating they may be, its fun!


You could omit this sentence, it distracts me from the beautiful picture you have
painted :)

Hi,
I am a Canadian Language teacher based in Thailand. I teach academic & creative
prose.
I've read some of your first draft here but I get the feeling you are being too
persuasive.

The world around you is amazing! It's beautiful and we have the opportunity to do
whatever we desire. The big blue sky with the sun's rays shining through fluffy
clouds. Mountains which reach the sky like a stairway to heaven. Travelling and
exploring new places is an incredible experience if you have the chance. With
everything being so expensive, it's difficult for some people to go on adventures
around the globe. Wouldn't you love to see the Great Wall of China; the northern
lights; or the Grand Canyon? I know I would!
[b]
The use of YOU and WE - rethink that pls.

Wouldn't you love to see the Great Wall of China; the northern lights; or the Grand
Canyon? I know I would!
Who would not, of sound mind, have a desire to see and feel the Great Wall of
China; the northern lights; or the Grand Canyon?

fluffy clouds = ponderous, silver lined clouds

Persuasive Speech Outline


VISIT INDONESIA 2008
I. Attention:
What is your holiday destination to refresh your mind? I think if we just visit the
places we have visited before, it may make us bored, right? You dont want to spend
high cost in your pocket and you want to get great experience youve never got
before, or maybe you are willing to spend high cost provided that youll get
proportionate satisfaction like what you want? Dont you think one of the
interesting places nearby Malaysia is Indonesia? Hopefully, what I will deliver to you
this morning, will give you a new inspiration.

(Transition: Well, let me start by telling you some facts.) II. Need:
A. According to the statistics data from Indonesian Tourism Board, number of
foreign tourists visited Indonesia is increasing in 2008 for 46% (in August) than last
year just for 32%. B. Most of the foreign tourists spend 4 or more days for their main
destination, and 2- 3 days for additional destinations in Indonesia. C. The existence
of Visit Indonesia 2008 is considered very helpful for assisting the Tourists to get
Information. D. Dont worry about the cost. The Indonesian Tourism Board (www.myindonesia.info) has so many information for you to be had, start from flight fare up
to hotels cost, you can adjust the prices to your affordability. From the most
expensive to the most economical price.

1. Visiting Indonesia will give you more better thinking about the beauty of SouthEast Asia Countries. 2. By spending RM 300s- RM 500s (depends to your
destination) for return tickets (Malaysia-Indonesia-Malaysia), you will get a
priceless experience youve never had before. 3. Moving from one island to
another island requiring you to spend more money and they are affordable. 4.
Indonesia is one of the biggest archipelago countries who have very good
natural resources in the world. You will believe it. (Transition: So, those are the
facts. Its not finish yet. May I know how...

Coming to a new country can have psychological, health, social, educational and
financial benefits, depending on where you move and the reason for it. Persuading
someone to come to your country will involve highlighting the particular benefits of
living there, and how these benefits are incomparable to staying put. If encouraging
someone to simply take a trip, persuade more gently than if persuading to relocate
altogether.

Read more : http://www.ehow.com/how_8553447_persuade-someone-comecountry.html

Instructions
1
Offer to help with the logistics of coming to the country. If possible, help financially.
If this type of assistance is not possible, help research the visa requirements and
paperwork necessary to move to the country, if needed. Offer your home as a
temporary or permanent living space, if you're comfortable with this.

2
Convince the person the risk of coming is worth it. Encourage him to create a pros'
and cons' list for the move. Explain that although the loss of stability will be scary,
the move will be for the best in the long run.

3
Create a top-10 list of reasons to come to the country. Concrete reasons why this
country is better than the one she currently resides will reinforce that the move is
indeed a good decision.

4
Encourage him to find financial motives to come. Money talks, so find out if the
move will open up new business opportunities for him or utilize his professional
skills better than jobs in his current country.

5
Share your story. Allow the person to see how you came to this country, or how you
were born here and could not see yourself anywhere else. The power of example

will help her place herself in your shoes and see your success as a motivator and
reassurance.

Read more : http://www.ehow.com/how_8553447_persuade-someone-comecountry.html

Persuasive speech Edit 0 7


Title: Lets Travel!

Specific purpose: To persuade my audience to go for traveling.

Central idea: Everyone should go traveling for health and wellness and to obtain
new knowledge

Body of my topic:
Main point 1:Health and wellness
Supporting details:
- Traveling gives us the opportunity to disconnect from our regular life. You get
to forget your problems/issues for a few weeks, it can also help you figure things out
that you would not have understood without the distance traveling can give you. We
all have crazy schedules, work and a family to take care of, going away alone or
with some friends can give you distance and perhaps even make you realize how
important these people are for you. Like the saying says: we never know what we
have until we lose it.
- Another great benefit is the relaxation you get to do. Its nice to live life to its
fullest and enjoy a stress free time with yourself. Going on vacation lets us
recharge our batteries by disconnecting us from our regular life. When
we come back we feel invigorated and we are happy to be back in our day to
day routine. Its a very good stress remover that has a lot more to give than most
people are willing to accept.

Traveling is refreshing and revitalizing. It is a psychological necessity, especially


for people who has stressful jobs. In this society nowadays, many people suffer
tremendous stress at work. Relaxing at home during the weekends is insufficient for
some to unwind. Taking periodic vacation trips reap better results for them. The
vacation trip helps to recharge their batteries and enable them to handle better the
stress they experience at work. After the break, they feel more energize to return to
work. For many working adults, regular getaways help them sustain their energy
and vitality they require for their work. Without these breaks, they may suffer the
consequence of work burn out.
-Some travels are relaxing. This is a benefit of travel is to your health. Being healthy
by reducing our stress levels is solved when we travel and stay at a nice day spa.
You are completely relaxed and you can help your body in many ways. Each and
every one of us needs to have a time of relaxation to recycle the need of health and
wellness.

Are you extremely worn out from work? Are you coping with the loss of a loved one?
Are you trying to move on after a devastating heartbreak? Do you feel exhausted
from living your own life? If so, then you might want to consider visiting another
region or country. Indeed, travelling can provide great mental benefits for you.
First, it re-energises your mind. Even the planning stage creates massive amounts
of excitement and anticipation that allows you to focus on other things rather than
problems that seem larger than life. Next, travelling alleviates stress. Being miles
away from your daily responsibilities that drain you of your energy allows you to
rejuvenate and rest, which lets you think more clearly about putting your life back
together.
Next, travelling reinvigorates your mind and restarts your imagination and sense of
curiosity. Remember the first time you visited a place or experienced something
new? You feel a sense of euphoria at the joy and exhilaration of discovery. When you
are exposed to a different place or culture, you begin to open your senses more.
Because of fresh knowledge and input, your neural interaction becomes more
vibrant.
Next, travelling allows you to challenge yourself because you are geographically
and, sometimes literally, going out of your comfort zone. You feel more
independent, more in control of yourself, and better equipped to face what life will
bring to you. Finally, going to other places makes taste new food, interact with new
friends, see breathtaking sights, hear different sounds, and learn another culture. All
these will create new pleasant memories that will help you overcome any sadness
and anxiety that you may be feeling today.

you get to learn how other people live and learn to accept and respect other's
cultures no matter how different they may be. That teaches one to be less
prejudiced in the real world.

Also, you learn life lessons; my biggest life lesson thru visiting other places is "No
matter how round the world is, it's still one" meaning we're really all the same
people though we have different backgrounds and cultures. We cry when we're hurt,
we laugh when we're happy, we don't like being judged negatively just because
we're different, and we all have problems. But we all have love within us too. So no
matter how different, we're all human.

Plus, you have fun and get to do stuff you've never really done before.

Travelling to anywhere in the world is filled with opportunities to learn. Outside the
classroom, lessons really come to life, leaving students inspired and ready to make
more progress upon returning home. Ten of the top benefits of travel include:
1. Broadened understanding of other cultures
Theres nothing like going somewhere totally different from home. Tasting exotic
foods, seeing unusual architecture and meeting new people encourages an
understanding of other cultures and is, simply, thrilling. This reason in itself is
enough to go away. But there are more
2. Increased confidence
Some time out of the daily routine, be it for a week-long holiday with the family, a
stint of travelling for teenagers or a weekend to a nearby country, will build
confidence, as it means taking in new surroundings, speaking to new people and
encouraging exploration. A first trip away for young adults will have them returning
more confident in their own abilities, and more responsible for their own actions
an essential part of growing up.
3. Work opportunities
Many dream of moving away from home and seeking a different life on a new
continent. Exploring is the best way to achieve an open mind to these possibilities.
Get a job (visa permitting), be it a summer holiday job or more serious work
experience while abroad and work opportunities could be broadened forever.
4. Meeting people
Friendships formed abroad can last for years as memories of happy times are
shared. Having friends around the world to call on for future trips, to practice
language skills with, or to have over to meet friends at home is a great asset

5. Language skills
Travelling to other countries means opportunities to learn, develop or polish
language skills of any standard. While the experience of day-to-day travel will allow

vocabulary practice, the areas may be limited. In France, for instance, visitors may
not get beyond asking for a postcard and stamps, ordering a coffee, a baguette, or
food from a menu (when it is not, rather embarrassingly, provided in English). Study
French in France in a more formal way, and language skills could improve quickly.
Going to a French language school also means youll have more opportunities to
practise new skills outside the classroom.
6. Using ingenuity
Travelling requires organisation, planning and, very often, collaboration. A situation
where a budget is low and may not last until the end of the trip forces co-travellers
to work as a team to resolve the situation. These scenarios can develop throughout
a trip and have myriad applications across other areas of life.
7. Giving inspiration
While the same old walk to school or work is an inevitable part of life, a trip abroad
can give some breathing space to re-evaluate and find new inspiration, whether its
for more learning, a career move or further trips.
8. Navigational skills
Trying to find a recommended site in an unfamiliar city, with poor map-reading
skills, is a time when the theoretical skills learnt in the geography classroom really
come into practice. Returning home with a better sense of direction has got to be
beneficial.

9. History brought to life


Visit the Colosseum in Rome and the gladiators come to life. Similarly, the sight of
the spectacular pyramids will inspire even the most history-averse learner to find
out more, which they will never forget.
10. Understanding science in the environment
Going to the Amazon rainforest, seeing animals in their natural habitat travel
allows you to see the ecosystem in real life, something which a trip to the zoo can
never do.
As these reasons show, travel educates outside the classroom to enhance existing
learning and life experience in some unexpected ways.

As a young global citizen there is no more exciting way to learn about the world we
live in and the lives of other citizens than witnessing at first-hand different cultures
and environments. You can read about the lives of farmers in the mountains of
Bolivia or watch television programmes about wildlife in Africa. However, there is no

substitute for experiencing life in these places for yourself, and meeting people
face-to-face.

Main point 2: New knowledge


Supporting details:
-Traveling increases our knowledge and widens our perspective. To view new
customs, different ways of living is fantastic for the mind. It gives us a new
perspective about life and especially our life, it can help us change some of our
habits or even create new ones. When I travel I usually make it a point to try new
food, some cultures dont have fries in their diet and they are all skinny, others use
spices to give taste and not oils or fats. Discovering different values and ways to get
by in life is really interesting. You also need to visit exotic new places and discover
what this wonderful world has to offer.
-New experiences increase our resourcefulness by living situations you would never
encounter at home, this is great experience for you when you come back to your
routine. I have noticed that people who traveled a lot in life were ready to embrace
change and have a natural ability of overcoming problems that others would frown
upon.
-Learn a new culture- With learning about the new discoveries from visiting places
you have never been, you learn a new culture. The benefits of travel are always
visible when you learn a new culture. The way people live and their traditions are
sometimes weird for a lot of people but it is fun to know. Don't be afraid of learning
a new culture and dive right into it all

Jamaica is known as an island of paradise for many individuals around the world.
The culture is rich with its long white sandy beaches, crystal clear blue water as far
as the eyes can see, palm trees blowing in the crisp breeze, Duns River falls, and
the birth place of reggae music. Often times when the illusion of perfection is
removed from a situation, clarity is identified. In reality, to the vast majority of its
natives, Jamaica is a country plagued with corruption and an unprecedented wave
of violent crimes (Kovaleski, 1999). It is of my opinion that the increased and
continual violence that occurs is a direct result of political corruption and poverty.

http://www.jofamericanscience.org/journals/amsci/am0611/71_3910am0611_412_416.pdf

The world is a wonderful place. It has culture, different environments, and is always
a new experience. Sometimes you want to learn about a country, but would rather
learn by experience. So do you ever get tired of the country you're living in right
now? Do you want to go to a foreign place which you can enjoy a new experience?
Persuading you're parents to move should work, as long as you make it convincing
enough.

First impression you will get when you arrive Thailand is smiling people.

What will you do when you feel hot in the summer? Do you just turn on air
conditioner sitting alone at home, and watching television?

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